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Review of Lilac Rose  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This story has a charming and whimsical quality, capturing the essence of a fairy tale with its imaginative setting and heartfelt journey. Here’s a breakdown of what works well and what could be refined to make the story even more captivating:

Strengths:
Imaginative World-Building: The descriptions of the Enchanted Forest, the rainbow-colored waterfall, and the magical unicorns are vivid and enchanting. They create a clear picture of a fantastical world that draws readers in.
Heartwarming Transformation: The story of Lilac Rose finding happiness after enduring hardship resonates emotionally. Her journey from abandonment to becoming Queen of the Fairies is satisfying and uplifting.
Fairy Tale Elements: The inclusion of fairies, unicorns, and a magical setting adheres to classic fairy tale tropes, making the story feel timeless and familiar.
Areas for Improvement:
Character Depth: While Lilac Rose is likable, her internal thoughts and emotions could be explored more deeply to make her journey more relatable. For example, showing how she copes emotionally after being abandoned would add layers to her character.
Dialogue Style: Daisy and Sparkle's dialogue feels slightly formal and could be more conversational to enhance the characters’ personalities. For instance, Sparkle might express curiosity or warmth in a less scripted way.
Pacing: The story moves quickly, especially in the transition from hardship to happiness. Slowing down the narrative to explore moments like her first night in the forest or her initial encounter with Daisy could enrich the storytelling.
Conflict: While the story has a resolution, it lacks a central conflict or challenge for Lilac Rose to overcome in the magical world. Adding a subtle obstacle (e.g., earning the trust of the "Special Ones" or learning to use her wings) could make her journey more engaging.
Narrative Voice: The tone is consistent with a fairy tale, but varying sentence structure and adding sensory details (e.g., how the forest smelled or the sound of the fairies’ wings) would immerse readers even further.
Suggestions for Enhancement:
Expand on Lilac Rose’s initial days in the forest to build suspense and highlight her resilience.
Show more interactions between Lilac Rose and Daisy to deepen their bond before meeting the unicorns.
Introduce a minor challenge Lilac Rose must face to earn her role as Queen of the Fairies, which would make her reward feel even more meaningful.
Add sensory details to make the world more immersive, such as the taste of the berries or the texture of Sparkle’s mane.
Overall Impression:
This is a delightful and whimsical story that captures the magic of fairy tales. With a bit more depth in character development, pacing, and conflict, it has the potential to be even more impactful and memorable.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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102
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem captures a tender moment of love and connection between a person and their beloved companion, likely a pet, though it initially reads like it might describe a child. The repeated use of “The Look of Love In Her Eyes” emphasizes the emotional bond and the deep affection shared in the interaction.

Strengths:
Emotional Resonance: The poem exudes warmth and love, portraying a heartfelt scene that many can relate to, whether with a child or a pet.
Imagery: The descriptions, such as the "small soft body," the "half-slit gaze," and the "flannel covered arms," evoke vivid and tender images.
Repetition: The recurring line, “The Look of Love In Her Eyes,” ties the stanzas together and reinforces the theme of affection.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Clarity: While the poem builds a sense of mystery regarding who or what is being described, it might benefit from an earlier hint that the subject is a pet. The ambiguity may distract some readers.
Rhythm and Flow: The poem’s rhythm could be smoothed out in some places by balancing line lengths. For instance, the phrase “with pleading eyes asking” might flow better as “with pleading eyes, she asks.”
Diction: Repetition is a strength here, but the constant reuse of “The Look of Love In Her Eyes” risks feeling redundant. Rephrasing this in one or two stanzas (e.g., “love shining in her gaze”) could add variety while maintaining the theme.
Overall Impression:
The poem is touching and relatable, capturing the quiet beauty of a shared moment of love. It has a strong emotional core, but slight tweaks to pacing and word choice could make it even more impactful.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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103
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem captures a simple yet profound sentiment, blending the mysterious allure of dreams with the serendipity of real-life connections. The progression from dream to reality feels magical, as though destiny played a hand in bringing the two together.

The opening line, "She first came to me / In a dream," sets a tone of intrigue, drawing the reader into the speaker's internal world. The repetition of her presence in dreams over "eight long years" emphasizes the lasting impression she left, making her eventual real-world appearance feel inevitable and significant.

When the shift happens—"Then one day / She walked off a bus"—it’s both sudden and understated, reflecting how extraordinary moments often emerge from everyday settings. The simplicity of "Into my life / Becoming my wife" beautifully captures the culmination of their connection without overcomplicating the emotions.

If there's room for improvement, perhaps the poem could delve a bit deeper into the emotional impact of her presence, both in dreams and reality. Adding sensory details or expanding on the feelings during the transition from dream to real life might enrich the experience for the reader.

Overall, this piece is heartfelt and evocative in its simplicity, leaving room for the reader to imagine their own version of such a fateful meeting.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of Indebted  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem speaks to the deep sense of gratitude and indebtedness a child feels toward their parents. The simple, heartfelt tone makes it feel personal and emotional. The first stanza sets up a lifelong debt that the speaker feels they cannot repay, no matter what, which is a common feeling many people can relate to when thinking of their parents' sacrifices. The metaphor of carrying a debt that can't be paid adds depth to the speaker's emotional struggle.

The poem progresses by detailing the sacrifices and love from the speaker’s parents. The second stanza illustrates the parents' dedication from the moment of birth, using imagery of a proud, protective upbringing. The third stanza further emphasizes the support and wisdom imparted during the speaker's childhood, showcasing the parents' efforts to shape them into the person they are.

In the fourth stanza, the speaker acknowledges that there is no way to fully repay the love and sacrifices their parents have made, which creates a sense of regret, as time is running out. The conclusion, however, brings a resolution, with the speaker finding a way to start expressing their gratitude — simply by saying “thank you.” It’s a bittersweet ending, where the act of giving thanks is seen as a starting point, but not a complete resolution to the debt.

Overall, the poem is a tender, touching reflection on parental love and the struggle of feeling indebted. It captures the complexity of gratitude in a way that feels both personal and universal. The language is simple yet effective in evoking emotion, making this a meaningful piece that many readers could connect with.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of If You Go Away  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a beautiful, nostalgic piece that blends personal memory with the emotions tied to a song. The way you tell the story of your brother Nelson and his first crush, set against the backdrop of "If You Go Away," is heartfelt. The song itself holds such meaning in the narrative, not just as a popular hit, but as a symbol of connection, love, and promise.

The way the song becomes a bridge between two young hearts—Nelson and his school crush—is charming. I like how the song’s lyrics are woven into the family’s evening routine, making it a sort of bond for everyone, even extending to Nelson's future as he grows up and keeps the friendship alive with his first love.

There's also a great sense of familial warmth here, with the relationships between you, Nelson, your sisters, and your father highlighted throughout. The dinner scene, with everyone coming together after Nelson’s performance, feels like the perfect mix of joy, innocence, and the bittersweetness of growing up.

The way you end the piece with a tribute to that enduring friendship, even after time and distance, is lovely. It brings the whole narrative full circle, showing how a simple song can echo through the years and impact people in ways they never expect.

The lyrics of "If You Go Away" fit perfectly with the story, adding emotional depth. It's clear this song and this moment meant a lot to you and your family. It’s touching to read how something as simple as a song can capture the essence of both fleeting youth and lasting memories.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem is beautifully reflective and conveys a powerful message about perseverance and the struggle to find purpose or clarity in life. The way you’ve written it allows readers to connect with the speaker’s emotional journey, from frustration and self-doubt to resolution and fulfillment. Here are a few observations:

Strengths:
Emotional Depth: The poem captures raw emotions—uncertainty, determination, and eventual triumph. The progression mirrors a personal or creative breakthrough, which resonates deeply.
Imagery and Symbolism: Phrases like "beam of light," "the door to my fate," and "echoes of fate" are compelling. They create a sense of mystery and hope, drawing the reader into the speaker’s internal world.
Relatability: The themes of searching for destiny and struggling to see what’s right in front of us are universal, making the poem widely appealing.
Resolution: The final lines provide a satisfying conclusion. The transformation from struggle to success feels earned and uplifting.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Consistency in Tone: While most of the poem flows well, a few phrases (like "just keep trying, trying, trying") feel slightly repetitive compared to the rest of the elegant language. Simplifying it might enhance the overall tone.
Stronger Visuals: You could expand on the imagery in the middle section. For instance, describing the light or the moment the door comes into view might make the poem more vivid.
Rhythm and Flow: The rhyme scheme is somewhat irregular, which works for free-verse but could be smoothed out if you’re aiming for a consistent lyrical rhythm.
Overall Impression:
The poem is heartfelt and inspiring. With a bit of fine-tuning, it could become even more striking and immersive. It leaves readers with a sense of hope and encouragement, which is a wonderful takeaway. Keep writing—you clearly have a gift for capturing emotional journeys!

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem, "Down by the side of a Mother's Churn," is a heartfelt reflection on faith, spiritual growth, and the journey of answering a divine calling. Its narrative style feels deeply personal, almost autobiographical, with a strong focus on biblical stories and the transformative power of faith. Here's a breakdown of its strengths and areas for improvement:

Strengths:
Biblical References and Structure:
The poem effectively incorporates well-known stories from the Bible, creating a sense of familiarity and reverence. The chronological progression through major biblical figures and events provides a solid foundation for the narrative.

Themes of Faith and Calling:
The central themes of salvation, spiritual awakening, and accepting one's divine purpose resonate strongly. The poem emphasizes the transformative journey from boyhood curiosity to mature faith and a life devoted to service.

Personal Touch:
The poem feels intimate and sincere, particularly in the latter stanzas where the narrator's personal struggles and surrender to God's will are described. This makes it relatable to readers who have faced similar spiritual dilemmas.

Rhythmic Flow:
The consistent rhyme scheme contributes to the poem’s musicality, enhancing its readability and emotional impact. It echoes the tone of traditional hymns or religious verses.

Areas for Improvement:
Consistency in Tone:
While the biblical retellings in the earlier stanzas are concise and engaging, the transition to the narrator's personal story feels somewhat abrupt. The poem might benefit from a smoother bridge between these sections to maintain narrative flow.

Word Economy:
Some stanzas could be condensed without losing their impact. For instance, certain descriptions repeat ideas already conveyed, which can dilute the poem's emotional weight.

Imagery and Detail:
The poem relies heavily on direct statements of events and lessons. Incorporating more vivid imagery or sensory details, especially in the narrator's personal story, could deepen emotional engagement.

Audience Engagement:
While the poem is clearly written for a religious audience, broadening the language to include more universal themes of struggle, doubt, and surrender could make it more accessible to a wider range of readers.

Overall Impression:
This poem is a heartfelt testament to faith and perseverance, weaving together biblical teachings and personal experience. It serves as both a spiritual reflection and a call to action. With a few adjustments for tone and detail, it could resonate even more deeply, touching hearts with its sincerity and devotion.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of Twister  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem paints a vivid and atmospheric picture of a storm, likely a tornado, with a strong sense of tension and release. The imagery is striking, with lines like “Rain falls like it’s poured from a bucket” and “covering the ground like a glove” effectively conveying the overwhelming power of nature. The choice of words like "blazing," "dark," and "evil" sets a dramatic tone that immerses the reader in the chaos of the storm.

The stanza about dust and debris captures the disorienting chaos of such a moment, and the line “Hiding under a table waiting for the sun” adds a personal touch, making the reader feel the fear and anticipation. The juxtaposition between the storm’s fury and the eventual calm in the last stanza is satisfying and almost cathartic. The repetition of “there comes a moment” emphasizes the transition from destruction to hope, leaving the reader with a sense of resilience.

There are a couple of places where the rhythm feels a bit uneven, such as “Winds so fast and rain so hard are these real or dreams.” This line could be smoothed out for better flow. Additionally, you might consider expanding on the emotional impact of the calm after the storm—what does it feel like to see the sun again? This could deepen the poem's resonance.

Overall, the piece effectively captures the drama of a storm and its aftermath, leaving a strong impression of nature’s power and the relief that follows its passing.


WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of Dear Dad  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem carries a lot of raw emotion and conveys the pain of abandonment very clearly. The straightforward style and rhyming couplets give it a simple yet impactful structure, making it relatable and easy to follow. The speaker's voice feels genuine, and the emotions—sadness, loss, and a hint of resilience—are well-expressed.

The first stanza sets up the story effectively, with "you took your sack" implying a definitive departure. However, "sack" could be seen as an odd choice, depending on the context. It might benefit from a word or phrase that aligns more with the emotional weight of the moment.

The second stanza highlights the mother's reaction, which adds depth to the emotional atmosphere. "Without a bone" is a unique phrase, but its meaning isn’t entirely clear. If it’s meant to suggest being left with nothing, it might help to clarify or use a more common metaphor.

In the third stanza, the focus shifts to the father's new life and neglect. This creates a strong contrast and highlights the children’s innocence with "We did no crime." The bitterness is understated but effective.

The final stanza ties everything together, with the metaphor of a "well" to describe the void left by the father. It’s a vivid image that captures the depth of pain. Ending with "Filled the void by writing" suggests healing through creativity, which brings a sense of hope.

To enhance the poem, you might consider:

Adding more descriptive imagery to enrich the narrative.
Tweaking the rhymes to feel less forced in places, like "abyss-like well."
Exploring the speaker's inner feelings more deeply for greater emotional resonance.
Overall, it’s heartfelt and evocative, with room for refinement to make it even more powerful.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of Dear Dad  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem carries a lot of raw emotion and conveys the pain of abandonment very clearly. The straightforward style and rhyming couplets give it a simple yet impactful structure, making it relatable and easy to follow. The speaker's voice feels genuine, and the emotions—sadness, loss, and a hint of resilience—are well-expressed.

The first stanza sets up the story effectively, with "you took your sack" implying a definitive departure. However, "sack" could be seen as an odd choice, depending on the context. It might benefit from a word or phrase that aligns more with the emotional weight of the moment.

The second stanza highlights the mother's reaction, which adds depth to the emotional atmosphere. "Without a bone" is a unique phrase, but its meaning isn’t entirely clear. If it’s meant to suggest being left with nothing, it might help to clarify or use a more common metaphor.

In the third stanza, the focus shifts to the father's new life and neglect. This creates a strong contrast and highlights the children’s innocence with "We did no crime." The bitterness is understated but effective.

The final stanza ties everything together, with the metaphor of a "well" to describe the void left by the father. It’s a vivid image that captures the depth of pain. Ending with "Filled the void by writing" suggests healing through creativity, which brings a sense of hope.

To enhance the poem, you might consider:

Adding more descriptive imagery to enrich the narrative.
Tweaking the rhymes to feel less forced in places, like "abyss-like well."
Exploring the speaker's inner feelings more deeply for greater emotional resonance.
Overall, it’s heartfelt and evocative, with room for refinement to make it even more powerful.


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Review of A Silly DnD Short  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an engaging and imaginative piece with strong character dynamics, humor, and a sense of adventure. Here’s a detailed review:

Strengths:
Characterization:

Klesh and Bronn are distinct and well-developed. Klesh's optimism and absent-mindedness balance Bronn’s practicality and nervous energy.
The contrast between their personalities creates a fun sibling dynamic. Klesh's trustful nature and frequent forgetfulness provide levity, while Bronn’s grounded yet anxious demeanor adds a layer of complexity.
World-Building:

The story drops intriguing hints about the Verdan, Barovia, and "Timmy Bug," creating curiosity about the world and its history.
The mention of Klesh's scales and unique height subtly reinforces their non-human nature without an exposition dump.
Dialogue:

The dialogue feels natural and suits the characters. Klesh's cheerful, naive tone juxtaposed with Bronn's nervous interjections keeps the conversation lively.
The cart driver’s gruffness and the guard’s cautious demeanor ground the story in a believable setting.
Humor:

There’s a lightheartedness throughout, from Klesh’s forgetfulness to Bronn’s awkward responses. The scene where Bronn cuts off the guard’s question with "Timmy is our… cousin! Very dead cousin!" is particularly funny and adds tension.
Tone and Flow:

The casual tone fits the story’s adventurous and comedic vibe.
The pacing feels steady, with moments of quiet reflection and bursts of action or humor.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Clarity in Descriptions:

Some sentences are a bit long or convoluted, which can hinder readability. For example, the phrase “Frankly, the driver of the cart didn’t even realize they were related until the fourth or fifth day of the journey” could be tightened for better flow.
Setting Details:

While the characters are vibrant, the physical world could use more texture. What does the town look like? What does the cart smell or sound like as it moves? These sensory details would enhance immersion.
Klesh’s Memory:

Klesh’s forgetfulness is charming, but it’s unclear if it’s tied to their Verdan nature, past trauma, or something else. Adding subtle hints could deepen their character.
Guard Scene:

The exchange with the guard feels slightly rushed. Extending the tension or suspicion before the guard lets them pass could heighten the stakes.
Backstory Integration:

References to "Timmy Bug" and Barovia are tantalizing, but they remain vague. A bit more context—without over-explaining—would help anchor these references in the story.
Final Thoughts:
This is a compelling and entertaining draft that showcases strong characters and a lively tone. With a bit more focus on setting and clarity, it has the potential to be a standout piece. Klesh and Bronn’s journey feels like the start of a delightful adventure, and I’m curious to see where it leads!

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of Time to Go Away  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem dives deep into the emotional turmoil caused by betrayal and frustration, presenting a powerful reflection on human flaws and the bitterness they can evoke. The tone is both accusatory and introspective, which makes it compelling. The use of words like "dismal," "rankling," and "malignant" amplifies the sense of outrage and despair, creating a vivid atmosphere of dissatisfaction with the actions of others.

The structure flows like a cascade of thoughts, with each line building upon the previous one. The imagery of drums and sacrilegious blood boiling evokes a primal, almost ritualistic anger, which makes the poem emotionally intense. It captures the feeling of being trapped by the actions of others, unable to escape the consequences of their misdeeds.

One strength is how it portrays the collective guilt of the "cohorts and compatriots" while separating the speaker's sense of righteousness from the wrongdoers. This contrast adds depth, highlighting the tension between personal virtue and external treachery. However, this division also raises questions—does the speaker bear any responsibility, or are they truly blameless? Exploring this nuance further could add complexity.

While the language is rich, some phrases like "indiscriminate souls" and "appalling treachery" could benefit from more precision or subtlety. Their intensity risks overshadowing the more profound aspects of the poem.

Overall, this is a poignant piece that effectively captures a universal emotion. A slight refining of the language and more exploration of the speaker's perspective could make it even more impactful.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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113
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This Thanksgiving prayer has a heartfelt and reflective tone, offering a sincere expression of gratitude and remembrance. Here's my review:

Strengths:
Warmth and Gratitude: The poem beautifully conveys a sense of community and thankfulness. It captures the essence of Thanksgiving—appreciating blessings, loved ones, and shared moments.
Faithful and Reflective: The references to the Lord and prayer add a deeply spiritual and reverent touch, making it a fitting piece for a Thanksgiving gathering centered around faith.
Acknowledgment of Loss: Remembering those lost in the events of September (presumably referring to September 11) adds depth and a poignant layer of compassion and shared grief. This touch honors the past while focusing on healing and love.
Areas for Improvement:
Flow and Structure: While the prayer reads smoothly overall, some lines feel slightly disjointed. For instance, "On that day of September" could benefit from a more specific or evocative reference to clarify the event being commemorated.
Ending Rhymes: The final prayer section could be integrated more seamlessly with the rest of the piece. While it's a lovely sentiment, it feels a bit detached, almost like an add-on. A smoother transition could make the conclusion feel more cohesive.
Consistency in Style: The shift between the main prayer and the concluding couplet disrupts the rhythm slightly. You might consider either reworking the ending to match the overall tone or incorporating the final couplet earlier as a refrain.
Suggestions:
Add more descriptive imagery to enhance the emotional impact, like details of the feast, the warmth of loved ones, or the light of faith.
Refine some rhymes to maintain a consistent rhythm. For example, the line “Thanks to everyone / Who has brightened our lives” could flow better with a tweak, such as “Thanks to all who bring light to our days.”
If the prayer is meant to be read aloud, ensure a smooth cadence by revisiting line breaks and syllable counts.
Overall, it's a touching and meaningful prayer that captures the spirit of Thanksgiving. Polishing the structure and flow would make it even more impactful.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of Until  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem has a beautifully evocative and meditative tone, capturing a longing for connection with the sea. The imagery is vivid and immerses the reader in a sensory experience. Here's a closer review:

Strengths:

Imagery: The poem paints stunning visuals, like "grains of sand slip like time" and "bright corals shimmer, painting the ocean floor with light." These lines create a tactile and luminous quality.
Emotional Depth: The repetition of "Until" builds a sense of yearning and incompleteness that resonates throughout the piece.
Rhythm and Flow: The lines flow smoothly, and the structure lends a natural rhythm that mirrors the ebb and flow of waves.
Suggestions:

Overlapping Concepts: Some ideas, like the connection to the soul and the sea's embrace, appear in both stanzas. While this reinforces the theme, slight variation could add depth. For instance, exploring the sea’s connection to the speaker’s past or future might broaden the emotional scope.
Final Lines: The last line of each stanza emphasizes resolution ("I will not be in peace" / "I will not be whole"). While powerful, rephrasing one of them might avoid redundancy and allow for a more distinct conclusion to each stanza.
Imagery Expansion: The mention of "waves carving a name" is compelling—perhaps expanding on what this name signifies could add personal meaning to the poem.
Overall Impression: The poem is heartfelt and atmospheric, striking a balance between nature’s beauty and human introspection. With minor refinements, it could resonate even more deeply with readers. It feels like a work that invites the reader to reflect on their own connection to the natural world and the search for inner peace.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of All too well  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This piece beautifully captures the rawness of loss and the bittersweet ache of nostalgia. The imagery is vivid, painting a scene of quiet grief that feels both personal and universal. Lines like "Your perfume that is forever etched in those walls" and "Everything now- is matted to dust" are particularly evocative, showing how memories linger even as the physical world decays.

The emotional core of the poem is strong, especially in the way it portrays the relationship between the narrator and their sister. The dynamic between them is heartfelt, full of depth, and relatable, from the petty arguments to the shared dreams of building an "empire." This makes the loss all the more poignant.

The repetition of "I miss..." towards the end builds momentum, underscoring the depth of the narrator's longing. It effectively mirrors the way grief often loops, circling back to the same thoughts and feelings.

There are a few places where tightening the phrasing could enhance the rhythm and flow. For example, "Hot tears from the warmth of my heart spring forth from my eyes" could be more concise while retaining its emotional impact. Additionally, some lines feel slightly over-explained, such as "Offer me tea, knowing all too well how I hate it," which could benefit from a subtler approach.

Overall, this poem is a touching and heartfelt tribute to the bond between siblings, brimming with love, loss, and an aching sense of absence. With a little refinement, it could become even more powerful.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of Carnival  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

Your poem captures the whimsical and lively essence of a carnival while adhering to the Lento form quite well. Here's my review:

Strengths:
Creative Use of Rhymes: The poem maintains the required rhyme structure of the Lento. The rhyming of the first words across the lines in each stanza (Half-Ralph-Wrath-Laugh in the first quatrain, Titanic-Ecstatic-Erratic-Fanatic in the second) adds a playful and engaging touch.
Imagery and Mood: The imagery of the "Big Top" and "Talent Pond carnival" creates a vivid scene of excitement and fun. It feels inviting, like an open door to a world of wonder.
Flow and Rhythm: Although the Lento form does not require a fixed syllable count, your poem has a good rhythm that makes it easy to read and enjoy.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Clarity and Continuity: The mention of Ralph, Roni, and Ken in the first quatrain is intriguing but could use more context. Who are they? Perhaps a little more detail would make their presence feel more integrated into the carnival scene.
Enhanced Imagery: While "Titanic events" and "Ecstatic are adults and kids" are lively descriptions, you could expand on these moments to paint an even more vivid picture. For example, what kind of "Titanic events" are happening? A little more specificity might make these lines more impactful.
Consistency in Tone: The light-hearted tone is enjoyable, but the mention of "Wrath" in the first quatrain feels slightly out of place in the otherwise jubilant atmosphere. Perhaps a different word could be chosen to keep the mood consistent.
Overall, your poem is a delightful piece that follows the Lento form well and evokes the joy of a carnival. A few tweaks to add more context and refine the imagery would make it even more engaging. Keep up the great work!

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This story has a strong premise and engaging personal voice, but there are a few areas where it could be polished to make it even better. Here are some suggestions:

Strengths:
Relatable Voice: The narrator’s candid tone and self-awareness make the character likable and easy to relate to, even if they’re flawed. This draws readers in and makes them want to root for the protagonist.
Clear Progression: The journey from frustration to finding a solution is logical and has a natural flow.
Engaging Ending: The "forty years later, still in business" line gives a sense of accomplishment and wraps up the story nicely.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Grammar and Sentence Flow:

The sentence "I’m wasn’t being smart" has a typo; "I’m" should be "I." This kind of slip can take readers out of the story.
Tighten some of the longer sentences. For example: "I’m actually quite intelligent, I just don’t take orders well, and I’m always telling people how much better what they are doing would go if they just tweaked it a bit" could be simplified: "I’m intelligent, but I don’t take orders well. I keep telling people their work would improve if they made a few tweaks."
Clarity of Events:

The transition from walking on the beach to starting a new business feels a little rushed. Expanding on the narrator’s thought process would strengthen the connection between these events.
The first client’s story could use more detail. Why did the client go bankrupt? Was it really the protagonist’s advice, or did the client misinterpret or overdo it? A clearer explanation would add depth and make the lesson learned more impactful.
Character Development:

While the narrator’s flaws are evident, showing moments of growth throughout the story would make the character arc more compelling. For example, what specific lessons did they learn from the failed first client?
Dialogue or Specific Interactions:

Adding a brief conversation with the first client could make their dynamic more vivid. For instance, show the client enthusiastically taking advice or panicking when things go wrong.
Ending Expansion:

The ending could touch more on what sustained the business for forty years. A hint of what the narrator improved over time would add a satisfying sense of closure.
Final Thoughts:
This piece has a lot of potential as a slice-of-life reflection. With some fine-tuning of pacing, grammar, and depth, it could become an even more engaging and insightful story.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem has a mystical and complex tone, with layers of abstract imagery that suggest themes of morality, innocence, and mythological struggles. However, its intricate phrasing and dense symbolism can make it somewhat challenging to interpret. Here’s a breakdown of its strengths and potential areas for refinement:

Strengths:
Evocative Imagery: Lines like "Driven towards the heavens" and "A tightly woven cherub" create vivid, almost celestial visuals that transport the reader into a mythical and otherworldly setting.
Exploration of Morality: The juxtaposition of innocence and "a truly mischievous credit" hints at a critique of moral ambiguity, adding depth and thought-provoking substance.
Rhythmic Quality: The poem flows well with its short, punctuated lines, creating a sense of urgency and emotional weight.
Philosophical Undertones: Phrases like "The wisdom goes beyond religious sentiments" suggest a deeper reflection on human nature and belief systems.
Areas for Improvement:
Clarity of Theme: While the poem's abstract nature is intriguing, it risks being too obscure for readers to connect with its central message. More concrete connections between innocence, morality, and the mythical host could enhance its impact.
Consistency in Tone: Some lines, such as "barren holes could signify a toasty, available riddance," feel slightly out of place compared to the more solemn tone of the rest of the poem. This could be rephrased to maintain the overall atmosphere.
Character and Purpose: The poem introduces intriguing elements like the "mythical host" and "holy spectacle" but doesn't fully develop their roles or significance. Expanding on these ideas could enrich the narrative and give the poem a stronger sense of direction.
Abstract vs. Accessible: While abstraction can be powerful, anchoring some ideas in tangible experiences or emotions might make the poem more relatable.
Suggestions:
Consider revising the "barren holes" metaphor to better align with the rest of the poem's tone and themes.
Expand on the "mythical host" or the "tightly woven cherub" to give readers a clearer sense of their symbolism or role.
If the poem critiques secularism or explores youthful struggles, clarifying these points could make its philosophical reflections resonate more strongly.
Overall, the poem is rich with potential and offers a fascinating exploration of profound ideas. A bit more focus and refinement could transform it into something even more compelling.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of How To Meditate  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your poem, Find Your Quiet Space, captures the essence of mindfulness and meditation beautifully. The imagery is soothing, and the structure flows naturally, mirroring the process of relaxation. Here are some points of praise and suggestions for improvement:

Strengths:
Tone and Imagery: The tone is calming and reflective, perfectly suited for the subject of mental and physical rejuvenation. Phrases like "Breathe slowly in, inhaling positivity" and "Travel through ethereal dimensions" evoke a sense of tranquility and boundless exploration.
Structure: The gradual progression from physical relaxation to mental wandering and then back to reality is well-organized, guiding the reader through a meditative journey.
Ending: The closing lines, "Set up and smile, for you have traveled, / Where plane, nor boat can go," leave the reader with a sense of wonder and accomplishment.
Suggestions:
Consistency in Imagery: While the poem effectively conveys relaxation, the imagery could be deepened in places. For instance, "Entertain mystical imaginings" could be expanded with more vivid descriptions of these imaginings to make them feel tangible.
Word Choices: Consider rephrasing "Set up and smile" to "Sit up and smile," as it flows more naturally with the context of the poem.
Pacing: Lines like "Push away any negative thoughts, / And continue on your journey" feel slightly abrupt compared to the rest of the poem's smooth rhythm. You could elaborate on the "journey" to maintain the gentle pacing.
Overall, this is a lovely piece that captures the restorative power of finding one's quiet space. With a bit of refinement, it could become even more evocative. Keep writing!

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of Flower  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem is a heartfelt exploration of a serene moment in nature and the emotions it evokes. Here's my take on it:

Strengths:
Imagery: The poem uses vivid imagery to transport the reader into the forest. Phrases like “blossoming meadow” and “shines brighter than the sun” paint a clear, almost magical picture of the setting.
Emotion: The emotional connection to the flower is palpable. Lines like “A tear fell, right onto its floret” convey a deep, almost overwhelming reaction, making the reader feel the intensity of the moment.
Flow: The poem flows naturally, with a rhythm that mirrors the gentle yet sudden experience of discovery and awe.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Structure: While the free-verse style works, the poem could benefit from slight restructuring to emphasize its emotional peaks. Breaking it into stanzas could create pauses that reflect the speaker's experience.
Ambiguity in Expression: Phrases like “my whole being felt still” and “I dared not feel” could be refined for clarity. For instance, elaborating on why the speaker "dared not feel" might deepen the emotional impact.
Conclusion: The ending is poignant but abrupt. Expanding on how the flower’s light “never leaves my eyes” could give more weight to its lasting significance.
Overall, this poem beautifully captures a fleeting yet transformative moment, balancing the quiet majesty of nature with the speaker’s inner turmoil. With a few adjustments, it could become even more impactful!

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of A Dangerous Gift  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This story has a compelling premise and great emotional weight. The generational curse of the Fire Bearers, coupled with Phil's inner conflict, creates a strong narrative hook. However, a few areas could benefit from refinement to make it even stronger:

Emotional Depth and Dialogue:
The characters' emotions come across well, but some dialogue feels stilted. For example, Phil's transition from shock to experimentation with his powers could delve deeper into his thought process. Instead of just stating his fascination, show his internal struggle more vividly. What specific memories or desires drive his curiosity to master the fire?

Worldbuilding:
The lore of the Fire Bearers is intriguing, but it could use more fleshing out. What exactly makes the power uncontrollable? Why was it revered in the past but deemed worthless now? Adding snippets from the ancestor's journal, perhaps contrasting past glory with modern struggles, would enrich the story's background.

Pacing:
The story shifts quickly from Phil's discovery to his experiments, then to the climactic fire rescue. While the action is engaging, the progression feels rushed at times. Allow more space for Phil to grapple with his father's warnings and his growing desire to use his power.

Character Development:
Phil's arc is compelling but could be deepened by exploring his relationship with his father further. How does he view his father's warnings? Does he feel resentment, love, or pity? Similarly, Lucien's struggle with guilt and fear could be expanded to make his warnings more impactful.

Climactic Scene:
The rescue scene is thrilling and showcases Phil's heroism, but it could benefit from more sensory details. What does the heat feel like against his skin? How does the smoke impair his vision? These elements would heighten the tension and immerse readers further.

Ending Hook:
The story ends mid-rescue, leaving a sense of incompleteness. Even if you’re planning to continue, a small resolution—such as Phil emerging from the house with Tony's family or a reflective moment—would give the reader a more satisfying conclusion to this chapter.

Overall, this story has a solid foundation with strong emotional stakes and an intriguing premise. Refining the pacing, adding depth to the characters, and enriching the lore will elevate it further. Keep going—this has the potential to be a memorable tale of power, responsibility, and redemption.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of The Party  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This short story, The Party, effectively captures a slice of life moment with a relatable mix of joy and unexpected emotions. The narrative focuses on a simple family gathering that turns into an emotionally charged memory, especially for Jacky. It delivers a clear and bittersweet lesson while offering a heartwarming yet realistic depiction of human nature. Here's what stood out:

Strengths:
Relatable Theme: The story portrays a common childhood experience—being the center of attention at a party. Many readers can empathize with Jacky's overwhelmed reaction, making the narrative engaging and personal.

Atmosphere: The description of the gathering is lively and vivid. The warm day, colorful tablecloths, and children playing create a cheerful and picturesque setting that contrasts nicely with Jacky's eventual meltdown.

Characterization: Dot's multitasking as a mother and hostess, Nancy's helpfulness, and Jacky's typical behavior are well-drawn, adding depth to the family dynamic. Even in a short piece, these small details breathe life into the characters.

Twist Ending: The story's ending, with Jacky's aversion to surprises solidified for life, adds humor and poignancy. It ties the story together and gives readers something to reflect on about personality traits shaped by early experiences.

Suggestions for Improvement:
Build-Up to Jacky's Reaction: While her outburst is impactful, a hint of her discomfort earlier—perhaps through her body language or hesitation—could make her reaction feel more grounded and less sudden.

Transition Between Events: The jump from "after the food" to the surprise reveal feels a bit rushed. Adding a few sentences to build anticipation or show the family's effort in setting up the table would enhance the pacing.

Expand the Emotional Impact: Jacky's reaction is a pivotal moment, but exploring her inner thoughts or giving a brief exchange with Dot afterward could deepen the emotional resonance of the story.

Polish the Narration: Lines like "it was time for the party!" could use more descriptive flair to heighten excitement. Similarly, the concluding sentence might be stronger with a reflective tone, emphasizing how this moment shaped Jacky's character.

Overall Impression:
The Party is a charming and insightful snapshot of family life with a memorable takeaway. By enhancing the emotional depth and pacing, the story could leave an even more lasting impression on readers. It's a great foundation for exploring how small moments leave a significant mark on our personalities.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your poem has a surreal and abstract quality that invites deep interpretation. It balances vivid imagery with profound ideas, giving it an almost meditative tone. Here’s a breakdown of what stands out and some thoughts for refinement:

Strengths:
Imagery: The opening lines evoke a blend of tension and beauty. Phrases like “fearful pails and seething gasps” and “paramour of awestruck beaming” create a striking contrast that captures attention.
Tone: The philosophical depth, especially when reflecting on themes of love, forgiveness, and divinity, is thought-provoking.
Structure: The poem flows with an almost stream-of-consciousness rhythm, which works well for its introspective nature. The shorter, standalone lines like “By unsubstantiated offers” and “Whose sewing involves a quilt” create pauses that emphasize their meaning.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Clarity vs. Obscurity: While abstract poetry thrives on ambiguity, some lines—like “Infinity’s classification yielded / By unsubstantiated offers”—feel overly opaque. Providing a clearer anchor for the reader might strengthen the emotional impact.
Word Choices: Phrases like “penultimate harmony” and “vociferous roar” can feel slightly grandiose, potentially distancing the reader. Simplifying or grounding some expressions could heighten their relatability.
Consistency in Metaphors: The quilt metaphor in “Whose sewing involves a quilt” is intriguing but feels disconnected from the rest of the imagery. Expanding on or tying it more clearly to the broader themes (e.g., love, forgiveness, or divinity) would enhance its significance.
Ending Strength: The closing lines about an “Almighty’s kingly, / Vociferous roar” are powerful but abrupt. Consider elaborating on the divine connection to tie the poem together more cohesively.
Overall Impression:
Your poem is rich with emotion and artistic flair, but tightening some of the more elusive elements could make it even more impactful. The balance of beauty and introspection shines through, and with a bit more clarity, your voice will resonate even stronger.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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124
124
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

It seems like you've provided a structured list of headers and data points. Here's a review of the format and content:

Strengths:
Clear Headers: The repeated "HEADER CLM X" format suggests you have a structured framework. This could work well for organizing information if fleshed out further.
Numerical Data Points: Using "Data X" gives an impression of sequential entries or items related to each header. This could be useful for lists, tabular data, or hierarchical structures.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Content Under Headers: It’s unclear how the data aligns with the headers. Adding specific details or descriptions under each header will improve clarity and usability.
Example: If "HEADER CLM 1" represents a category, list all relevant data points beneath it.
Avoid Repetition: "Data 4" appears twice, which might confuse readers. Ensure unique entries or clarify if repetition is intentional.
Label Refinement: The generic "HEADER" and "Data" labels lack context. Descriptive names or keywords can better convey meaning.
Example: Replace "HEADER CLM 1" with "Category: Sales Data."
Hierarchical Formatting: Consider using a nested structure if certain data points belong to specific headers. For instance:
HEADER CLM 1
Data 1
Data 2
HEADER CLM 2
Data 4
Contextual Explanation: Providing a brief introduction or conclusion about the purpose of these headers and data points can make it more comprehensible.
Overall Assessment:
While the structure is foundational, adding context and refining organization would significantly enhance clarity and utility.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of Emily's Steer  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This story tugs at the heartstrings with its emotional depth and blend of humor, sorrow, and introspection. It offers a compelling mix of slice-of-life simplicity and a touch of the fantastical, creating a memorable narrative that is both heartfelt and thought-provoking.

The bond between Emily and Moses is beautifully portrayed. From the tender moments of nursing the calf back to health to the bittersweet final days, the relationship feels authentic and relatable. The description of Moses believing he’s one of the barn cats adds charm and lightness, providing a delicate balance to the heavier themes of loss and sacrifice.

The appearance of the magical milk can and the cow genie is an unexpected twist that adds a layer of whimsy. It’s an effective narrative device to explore the protagonist's internal conflict about loss, love, and the consequences of wishing away pain. The humor in the cow's sudden speech and the protagonist's reaction—"What the heck?!?!"—grounds the scene, making it relatable and engaging rather than jarring.

The resolution is especially poignant. Instead of succumbing to the temptation of easy fixes, the protagonist's decision to forgo the wishes underscores a deeper message: life’s pain and joy are intertwined, and removing one can diminish the value of the other. This mature, reflective conclusion elevates the story from being just a whimsical tale to a meaningful exploration of human experience.

Some areas for improvement:

The narrative could benefit from slightly tighter pacing, especially during the wish-pondering section. While thoughtful, it becomes a bit repetitive and risks losing momentum.
Consider providing more resolution about Emily’s reaction to Moses leaving. Closing the emotional loop would give the story greater completeness.
Overall, this is a touching, creative piece that captures the complexity of love, loss, and the lessons that come with them.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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