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Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem captures the devastating imagery of a dam failure with a rhythmic, almost haunting quality. The repetition in each stanza reinforces the inevitability of the disaster, which makes the poem feel urgent and tragic. The use of simple, yet powerful, language adds to its impact.

The first stanza sets the scene, with the "pressure building" and "cracks developing," which creates a sense of impending doom. The line "No one watches the water flow" suggests negligence or ignorance, making the disaster seem even more tragic as it hints at preventable circumstances.

The second stanza vividly describes the destructive force of the water once the dam breaks. The imagery of houses "tumble like bowling pins" is particularly striking, as it conveys the sheer force and suddenness of the flood. The phrase "Woe -- no one wins" serves as a somber reflection on the universal loss that such disasters bring.

The final stanza drives home the human cost of the tragedy. The image of "two thousand dead, beneath the cross" is chilling, tying the disaster to a real historical event, likely the Johnstown Flood of 1889. This gives the poem a sense of gravitas and historical resonance.

Overall, the poem effectively conveys the horror of a natural disaster through its concise and rhythmic structure. The repetition and imagery work together to evoke a powerful emotional response, making it a memorable and impactful piece.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This quote seems to be about humility and the unpredictable nature of miracles or divine intervention. The idea is that when something miraculous or unexpected happens, like causing a "shout of joy," it’s important not to let it go to your head. The phrase "do not get puffed up" suggests that you shouldn’t become arrogant or overly proud because the event is not due to your own doing.

The second part, "I am clothed in mystery and my ways are inexplicable," emphasizes that miracles or divine actions are beyond human understanding. They come from a place that we can't fully grasp, so there’s no point in trying to take credit for them or even fully understand them.

Overall, the advice seems to be about maintaining humility and recognizing that there are forces or events beyond our control that should be respected and not used to boost our egos. It’s a reminder to stay grounded even when something extraordinary happens.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of Makes Sense  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem, titled "Strange Bird," carries a haunting and mysterious tone, leaving much unsaid and open to interpretation. The imagery of a man "pecking about the dead grass" and "wrestling chores with naked feet in the gallows of Winter" paints a vivid picture of someone isolated and struggling against harsh, possibly unforgiving circumstances. The word "gallows" especially adds a dark, ominous feel, as if this character is dealing with a fate or burden that's almost suffocating.

The short line "so many questions" seems to be a turning point in the poem. It reflects the speaker's confusion and curiosity about this strange man's behavior. It also invites the reader to wonder along with them—what has this man been through, and why is he living this way?

The introduction of the fiancée adds a new layer of depth to the poem. Her statement that "he never showed for the wedding" hints at a tragic or mysterious backstory. Perhaps this man was once engaged to be married but, for some reason, didn't follow through. This raises more questions: Did something happen to him? Did he disappear? Is the man in the poem the same person, now changed beyond recognition?

The poem's brevity is one of its strengths. It leaves much to the reader's imagination, allowing them to fill in the gaps with their own thoughts and emotions. The language is simple yet evocative, and the abrupt ending leaves a lingering sense of unease. Overall, "Strange Bird" is a compelling piece that draws the reader in with its mystery and leaves them pondering the story behind the strange man and his fate.


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Review of Chapter 7  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Your story offers an intriguing blend of suspense, character interactions, and hints of a larger, more mysterious narrative. The way you've written Sabrina's experiences with her nightmares and her interactions with other characters creates a strong sense of unease and curiosity. Here are some thoughts and suggestions:

Character Development: Sabrina is presented as a complex character, struggling with inner turmoil and a mysterious connection to her nightmares. This sets her up as someone the reader wants to know more about. However, her emotions could be deepened further. For instance, rather than simply noting that she was panicked when hearing the thump, you could explore her thoughts or physical reactions to make the reader feel her anxiety.

Dialogue: The conversations flow well and reveal a lot about the characters. However, some exchanges could benefit from more subtlety. For example, when Tatum asks, “Is everything alright?” and Sabrina responds, “Fine,” it feels a bit straightforward. Perhaps Sabrina could deflect the question or change the subject more evasively, reflecting her reluctance to share her true feelings.

Scene Transitions: The story jumps between different scenes and characters, which adds variety, but sometimes it feels a bit abrupt. When moving from one scene to another, consider adding brief descriptions or thoughts from the character whose perspective you're focusing on to smooth the transition. This can help keep the reader grounded in the narrative.

Pacing: The pacing is generally good, but some moments could be tightened or expanded upon. For instance, the scene where Luis notices Sabrina could be expanded with more internal thoughts or a more vivid description of his reaction. On the other hand, the details about the other students and the “sisterhood” could be slightly condensed to maintain focus on the main plot.

Mystery and Suspense: You've done a great job of introducing elements of mystery with Sabrina's connection to her nightmares and the intrigue surrounding the sisterhood. This is the story’s strength, and you should continue to build on it. For example, you could drop more subtle hints about the significance of Sabrina's birthmark or the true nature of her connection to the sisterhood.

Setting and Atmosphere: The setting is described well enough to give the reader a sense of place, but there are opportunities to enhance the atmosphere. The scenes could be more immersive with descriptions that engage all five senses. For example, instead of just noting that Sabrina is in the kitchen, you could mention the smell of coffee or the sound of birds outside to draw the reader into the scene.

Overall, you have the foundation of an engaging story with a strong main character and an intriguing plot. By deepening the emotional and sensory details and ensuring smooth transitions between scenes, you can enhance the reader's connection to the story and keep them invested in the unfolding mystery.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of Winsome Wants  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem is evocative and richly textured with imagery, which immediately draws the reader in. The alliteration, especially with the repeated "w" sounds, adds a rhythmic quality that complements the theme of wandering and introspection.

The contrast between the external environment ("willow wood," "winter white," "waxing moon") and the internal struggle ("watered thoughts," "wistful, wanting wishes") is well-crafted. This creates a tension that builds as the poem progresses. The imagery of "iron consequence" and "wolf wraiths" introduces a sense of danger or foreboding, which makes the speaker's contemplation even more intense.

The line "and I wonder if I would dare / wrench free / from the warm side / of the window" is particularly striking. It captures a moment of hesitation and vulnerability, highlighting the comfort of safety versus the unknown challenges outside. This internal conflict is relatable and gives the poem emotional depth.

Overall, the poem succeeds in creating a vivid, atmospheric scene while exploring themes of desire, fear, and the allure of the unknown. The language is poetic yet accessible, making it easy for readers to connect with the emotions being expressed. The only suggestion might be to consider the pacing of the poem, as the heavy use of alliteration could potentially overwhelm the reader if not balanced with more varied sounds or rhythms. However, this is a minor point in an otherwise beautifully crafted piece.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of Misunderstanding  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This short story is both humorous and relatable, capturing a typical sibling spat with a twist by making the characters German shepherds. The dialogue is lively and keeps the story moving, giving each character a distinct personality. Rebecca's dramatic attachment to her Kesha T-shirt and Ashley's calm, sarcastic demeanor create a fun dynamic between the two sisters.

The story's humor lies in the over-the-top reactions, like Rebecca's intense love for Kesha and Ashley's disinterest in her sister's musical taste. The use of exaggerated expressions, such as "Rebecca gasped, placed her hand over her heart," adds to the lighthearted tone. The twist at the end, where their mother, Natasha, reveals that the shirt was simply put away, is a classic way to wrap up the conflict while also reinforcing the sibling rivalry.

One thing that could enhance the story is more description of the setting or the characters' actions to give a better sense of the environment. For example, mentioning how Rebecca storms off or how Ashley smirks could help readers visualize the scene more vividly. Additionally, a bit more focus on the fact that these are German shepherds could add a layer of humor, perhaps by subtly integrating dog-like behaviors or instincts into their human-like interactions.

Overall, the story is enjoyable and captures the essence of a sibling argument, complete with playful banter and a humorous resolution. The blend of everyday conflict with a touch of absurdity, like talking dogs, makes it engaging and fun to read.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of Pele Dances  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem captures the powerful and mystical presence of Pele, the Hawaiian goddess of volcanoes, as she dances across Halema'uma'u, a volcanic crater on the Big Island. The imagery of "firedances" and "waves are tipped in fire" effectively conveys the intense, fiery nature of the volcanic landscape. By personifying the volcano as Pele, the poem gives a sense of respect and reverence towards the natural forces at play.

The repetition of "She" emphasizes Pele's dominance and uniqueness, making it clear that only she has the right to dance in this fiery environment. The shift in tone with "She, angry of late," introduces a sense of tension, as the volcano's rumblings are linked to Pele's mood. This anger is portrayed as a warning or expression of frustration towards those who fail to respect or understand the power of the natural world.

The poem is short but effective in conveying a deep respect for the power of nature, especially in the context of Hawaiian culture. It uses simple yet vivid language to create a strong visual and emotional impact. The themes of nature's power and the need for respect and understanding are clear, making this a compelling and thought-provoking piece.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Your story does a great job of building tension and intrigue, especially with the unexpected twist of the cat transforming into a human. The pacing is smooth, with enough detail to paint a vivid picture without dragging. Here are some thoughts and suggestions for improvement:

Characterization of Ryuk: Ryuk is portrayed as a somewhat solitary and introspective character. The scene where he saves the biscuits from Jing adds a nice touch of backstory, hinting at his resourcefulness or frugality. However, more internal dialogue or subtle hints about his personality could deepen the reader's understanding of his character. Why does he smile at the cat? Does it remind him of something or someone? Little details like these can make him more relatable.

Suspense and Atmosphere: The story effectively creates suspense, particularly when Ryuk realizes the cat can talk and when Rin transforms. The shift in atmosphere when it starts raining and when lightning strikes at the end adds to the tension. You might consider amplifying these moments by describing Ryuk’s emotional reactions more vividly—his heart racing, the chill running down his spine, etc.

Dialogue and Interaction: The dialogue between Ryuk and Rin feels natural and helps in moving the plot forward. However, the transition from shock to casual conversation could be smoothed out. Ryuk’s quick acceptance of Rin’s transformation might benefit from a bit more hesitation or internal struggle, which would make his character more believable.

The Ending: The cliffhanger at the end is intriguing, leaving the reader wanting more. Who is the figure at the door? Is it connected to Rin, or is it something else entirely? It’s a strong way to end the chapter, but consider adding a bit more description to heighten the tension—perhaps a detail about the figure’s appearance or Ryuk’s immediate thoughts as he sees it.

Overall Tone: The tone of the story shifts from light-hearted to suspenseful effectively, but be mindful of maintaining consistency in Ryuk’s voice. At times, his thoughts ("Even a girl from another world has friend-zoned me.") lean toward humor, while other parts of the story are more serious. Balancing these tones will help keep the reader engaged.

Rin’s Introduction: Rin’s character is introduced with a mix of mystery and charm. Her transition from cat to human is well-executed, but it might be enhanced by a more detailed description of her transformation. How does Ryuk feel as he watches this? Is there a moment of disbelief or awe?

Overall, you’ve created an engaging and mysterious narrative that draws the reader in. With some refinement in character development and emotional depth, this story could be even more captivating. Great work!

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem paints a vivid picture of a mercenary—a person who is both proud and ambitious, always ready to act in their self-interest. The language you use is powerful, with phrases like "unfaltering, ageless wit" and "precipitously on guard" that create a strong sense of alertness and determination. The mercenary is depicted as someone who values monetary and worldly gains above all else, making them almost a symbol of human nature's more selfish instincts.

The comparison between the mercenary and nature's "heartiest, most instinctive specimens" is intriguing. It suggests that the drive for comfort and gratification, even through questionable means, is a fundamental part of both human and animal behavior. This adds a layer of universality to the poem, implying that these traits are not just limited to mercenaries but are inherent in all living beings.

However, the poem also carries a tone of criticism. Words like "aggressively" and "impurely," combined with the mention of "shady and unethical means," highlight a moral ambiguity. It seems to challenge the reader to reflect on the cost of such ambitions and the ethical implications of pursuing one's desires at any cost.

Overall, the poem is thought-provoking and well-crafted, with a clear message about the darker aspects of human nature. The imagery and language effectively convey the themes of ambition, self-interest, and moral compromise, making it a compelling piece.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of Love Angel  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem beautifully captures the emotions of love, fear, and commitment. The rhyme scheme is consistent and adds a nice rhythm to the piece, which helps convey the depth of the speaker's feelings. Here’s a breakdown of the elements that stand out:

Emotional Depth: The poem does a great job of portraying the vulnerability that comes with love. The speaker’s fear of rejection and the relief and joy when those fears are unfounded are relatable and moving.

Imagery: The imagery, especially in the line "My knees turned to rubber, as my heart you stole," effectively communicates the physical reaction to intense emotions. It’s a vivid way to show the impact that the other person has on the speaker.

Consistency: The structure and rhyme scheme (ABAB) are consistent throughout, which gives the poem a steady flow. This consistency helps the reader focus on the emotions and story being told without getting distracted by uneven rhythm or rhyme.

Narrative Arc: The poem tells a clear story, moving from the initial moment of falling in love, through the fear of rejection, to a lifelong commitment. This progression is well-crafted and makes the poem feel complete.

Tone and Language: The tone is sincere and heartfelt, and the language is straightforward yet poetic. This simplicity allows the emotions to shine through without being overshadowed by overly complex vocabulary or metaphors.

Suggestions for Improvement:

Imagery Variation: While the imagery is strong, it could be enhanced with a few more varied descriptions to avoid repetition. For example, instead of "My knees turned to rubber," you might explore another way to describe that physical reaction to keep the imagery fresh.

Exploration of Fear: The fear of rejection is mentioned, but it could be expanded upon a bit more to add even more emotional tension. Perhaps a few more lines about the internal struggle before professing love would heighten the reader's anticipation.

Pacing: The poem flows nicely, but the third stanza feels a bit abrupt with the transition from crying to reassurance. A little more detail or a transitional phrase could smooth out this shift.

Overall, this is a touching and well-crafted poem that effectively conveys the profound emotions of love and commitment. With a few tweaks, it could become even more powerful.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of Char  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Your story has a powerful emotional depth, capturing the complicated relationships within a family, especially between a parent and child. The rawness of the emotions is palpable, and the way you’ve intertwined those feelings with the imagery of flight adds a beautiful, symbolic layer to the narrative.

One of the strengths of your writing is how you handle the dialogue. The conversations between the characters feel authentic, and they reveal a lot about their history without needing to dive into explicit exposition. The tension between the narrator and their father, the lingering pain from the past, and the complicated memories of the mother are all conveyed subtly through their interactions.

The use of animalistic traits, like the tail and ears, adds an interesting twist to the characters, making them more unique and giving the story a bit of a fantasy element. This approach works well, though it might benefit from a bit more consistency or explanation earlier on to set the scene for the reader.

A few areas for improvement:

Pacing: The story is rich in detail, but sometimes it feels a bit too dense. You might consider breaking up some of the longer paragraphs or streamlining certain sections to keep the reader engaged. The emotional impact will still be strong, but it will also be easier to follow.

Clarity: There are moments where the narrative becomes a bit hard to follow, particularly when shifting between the past and present or when the internal thoughts of the narrator blend with the dialogue. A bit more distinction between these elements could help clarify the timeline and the flow of the story.

Character Development: While the father and the narrator are well fleshed out, the mother’s character feels a bit distant, which might be intentional. However, if she’s meant to have a significant impact on the story's conclusion, consider giving her a bit more presence in the earlier parts of the narrative, even if it's just through the memories and reflections of the other characters.

Symbolism: The idea of flight as a metaphor for freedom and the mother’s true self is beautiful. However, this theme could be woven into the story more consistently. Perhaps reflecting on this symbolism more throughout the narrative could tie the beginning and end together more seamlessly.

Overall, this piece is emotionally resonant and engaging, with a strong sense of character and setting. With some refinement in pacing and clarity, it could be even more impactful.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of Winter Homecoming  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Your poem beautifully captures the essence of a weary traveler returning home, with a strong sense of warmth and anticipation woven throughout the lines. Here's a review:

Strengths:
Imagery: The imagery is vivid and evocative. The "white house standing tall on the snowy hillside" and "lit windows glowing warm at eventide" create a clear, comforting picture in the reader's mind.

Emotion: There's a deep emotional undertone, particularly in how you contrast the weariness of the traveler with the joy and relief he feels knowing he's close to home. This duality adds depth to the poem.

Flow and Rhythm: The poem has a natural rhythm, with a consistent rhyme scheme that gives it a musical quality. The rhyme pairs like "go" and "so," "been" and "in," as well as "cost" and "lost," help maintain this flow.

Theme: The theme of homecoming is universal and relatable, especially the idea of the sacrifices made for work and the yearning to be with loved ones. This makes the poem resonate with a wide audience.

Suggestions:
Pacing: The pacing could be enhanced by varying the line lengths a bit more, which might add to the emotional impact of certain lines. For example, shorter lines could emphasize the traveler's weariness or his urgency to get home.

Word Choice: While your word choice is generally strong, you might consider using more descriptive or varied language in places to further elevate the imagery. For example, instead of repeating "white" for the house and hillside, perhaps use a synonym or a metaphor to keep the imagery fresh.

Ending: The final lines do a good job of bringing the poem full circle, but consider ending on an even stronger note. Perhaps a more poignant or surprising final image could leave a lasting impression on the reader.

Overall, you've crafted a heartfelt and engaging poem that effectively conveys the warmth of home and the journey to return there. With a few tweaks, it could be even more powerful. Keep up the good work!

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This piece beautifully captures the transition from past struggles to a hopeful future. The imagery of the bridge and rushing water creates a strong metaphor for the journey of moving on from pain and embracing what's ahead.

The first part, where you describe standing on the bridge and looking into the rushing water, effectively conveys a sense of being caught between two worlds. The water represents the past, full of pain and agony, but also the cleansing and purging that comes with letting go. The repetition of "rushing" and "oblivion" emphasizes the relentless and uncontrollable nature of the past.

In the second part, the act of letting go is powerfully illustrated through the mingling of tears with the water. This symbolizes release and healing. The transition from looking back to facing the future is smooth and hopeful. The darkness of the future is acknowledged, but there is also a strong belief that light will find a way through.

The closing lines are particularly uplifting. The acknowledgment of the past's lessons and the open-hearted embrace of the future reflect a positive and resilient mindset. The imagery of light lifting you up to abundance and fulfillment is inspiring and leaves the reader with a sense of optimism and determination.

Overall, the piece is well-structured and emotionally engaging. The use of metaphors and vivid imagery enhances the emotional impact, making it a compelling read. The flow from past to future is natural and the hopeful tone at the end provides a satisfying conclusion. Great job!

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem, "Pastel framed poses with perfumes and whisky," captures the glamorous and surreal world of high fashion and entertainment. The repeated line "There’s a few artists that deserve a prenup without strings" hints at the notion that some artists are so exceptional that they merit unconditional admiration and respect. Here are a few thoughts on it:

Strengths:
Imagery: The poem is rich in vivid imagery. Lines like "Dazzling white dresses with stilettos of gold" and "Cell phones flash, capturing moments in time" paint clear pictures of the scenes being described. This helps the reader visualize the setting and feel the atmosphere.
Rhythm and Flow: The poem has a smooth rhythm, making it enjoyable to read. The consistent structure and rhyme scheme contribute to a lyrical quality that suits the subject matter of performance and spectacle.
Repetition: The refrain "There’s a few artists that deserve a prenup without strings" is effectively used to underscore the central theme. It ties the stanzas together and reinforces the idea of unconditional appreciation for exceptional artists.
Suggestions:
Clarify the Central Message: While the imagery is strong, the overall message can feel a bit unclear at times. The phrase "prenup without strings" is intriguing but also somewhat ambiguous. Expanding on what this phrase means in the context of the poem could enhance the reader's understanding.
Develop the Artists' Characters: Adding more specific details about the artists themselves could make the poem even more engaging. What makes these artists so deserving? Are there particular qualities or achievements that set them apart? Providing more context could deepen the emotional impact.
Balance of Elements: The poem successfully balances descriptions of the glamorous setting with the emotional responses of the audience. However, exploring the contrast between the public personas of the artists and their private selves could add an interesting layer to the poem.
Overall, this poem is a captivating glimpse into the world of high fashion and entertainment, with strong imagery and a rhythmic flow. With a bit more clarity and character development, it could be even more powerful. Keep writing and refining your work!

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of Antheraea  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This haiku captures the eerie and sudden nature of a late-night encounter with a Polyphemus moth. The concise structure and vivid imagery are effective in conveying the emotions and scene.

Imagery and Emotion: The phrase "midnight wind rises" sets a mysterious tone, immediately placing the reader in a quiet, dark setting disrupted by an unexpected gust. "Heart pounding visitation" effectively conveys the fear and surprise of encountering the moth, making it a very relatable human reaction. The final line, "trapped behind the screen," adds a visual element, illustrating the moth’s physical situation and emphasizing the barrier between the observer and the insect.

Structure: The haiku follows the traditional 5-7-5 syllable structure, which helps to maintain a rhythm and flow. This brevity is a strength, as it forces each word to carry significant weight, enhancing the overall impact of the poem.

Suggestions for Improvement:

Detail Enhancement: Consider adding a slight detail or adjective to further enrich the imagery. For example, "midnight wind rises" could become "chill midnight wind rises" to add an extra layer of sensation.
Emotional Depth: You might also explore the emotions or thoughts that follow the initial shock. A small change like "heart pounding visitation" could become "heart pounding silent visitation" to emphasize the eerie silence that often accompanies such moments.
Overall, your haiku is a strong and evocative piece that effectively uses the haiku form to capture a fleeting moment and the emotions tied to it. Great job!

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

Your chapter has a rich, descriptive quality that creates a vivid atmosphere and deeply explores the narrator's internal thoughts. Here are a few thoughts and suggestions for improvement:

Strengths:
Vivid Descriptions: The imagery is strong, especially the descriptions of the winter morning, the derelict villa, and the African sky. This sets a beautiful and immersive scene.
Emotional Depth: The narrator’s internal dialogue and emotions are well-expressed, giving the reader a clear sense of their personality and inner conflicts.
Unique Voice: The narrator’s voice is distinctive and engaging, which helps in creating a memorable character.
Complex Relationships: The relationship with the "Twin flame and partner in crime" is intriguing and adds depth to the narrative.
Areas for Improvement:
Clarity and Flow: At times, the narrative can feel a bit disjointed and hard to follow. Simplifying some sentences and breaking them into smaller parts can help. For example, "It must have been the ice-cold crisp fresh air that caused my head to flip in the direction of my heart or maybe it was the other way around..." can be split for clarity.

Instead:
"It must have been the ice-cold air that made my head spin. Or perhaps it was my heart reacting. All I know is that I suddenly found myself looking at a derelict villa, seeing it through rose-tinted glasses."

Consistency in Tone: The chapter sometimes shifts abruptly between poetic descriptions and casual dialogue. Maintaining a more consistent tone throughout will help in keeping the reader engaged.

Dialogue Tags and Punctuation: Improving the use of dialogue tags and punctuation can make the conversations easier to follow. For instance, separating dialogue from inner thoughts with clear punctuation and tags.

Show, Don’t Tell: Some parts tell the reader what’s happening rather than showing it through actions or dialogue. For instance, instead of saying, "Feeling rather pleased with the solution, I took a sign of relief," you could show the relief with a gesture or action.

Character Development: The best friend’s character, although mentioned several times, could be fleshed out more. Adding more interactions or details about his personality and actions can make him more three-dimensional.

Simplify Language: Occasionally, the language used can be a bit complex, which might make it harder for some readers to follow. Simplifying some of the vocabulary and sentence structures could make the text more accessible.

Example Revision:
Here’s a revised excerpt for clarity and flow:

It was a cold, crystal-clear winter morning. The sun was so high it made the African sky look like a vast blue sea stretching forever. The crisp, fresh air must have made my head spin, or maybe it was my heart reacting. Suddenly, I found myself looking at a derelict villa through rose-tinted glasses. My inner child squealed in delight.

"This is the spot where I could take a nap," I thought.

"No wonder," my inner parent said, brushing off the idea. "There’s not a building in sight nor a soul around, except a few hopefuls waiting for a knight in shining armor."

Feeling punch-drunk in love with the scene, I said to my twin flame and partner in crime, "With our input, we can turn this place around."

He smiled lovingly. "Come on, let’s take a closer look." Without hesitation, I followed him down the hill, knowing he was my partner in every adventure.

This revision aims to retain your original content while improving clarity and readability. Overall, your story has great potential with its vivid descriptions and emotional depth. With some refinement, it can become even more engaging and impactful.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of Dear Diary  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your diary entry is engaging and captures the ups and downs of a family vacation well. Here’s what I think works and a few suggestions for improvement:

What Works Well:

Realistic Dialogue and Reactions: The way you portray the characters, especially the sibling interactions, feels very genuine. Brad’s annoyance and your reaction to it are relatable.
Emotional Honesty: Your expressions of frustration and eventual enjoyment are authentic and give depth to the narrative. This shows growth over the four days.
Descriptive Language: The descriptions of the surroundings, especially on the fourth day with the fishing scene, paint a vivid picture. It helps the reader visualize and feel part of the experience.
Progression: There’s a clear progression from dislike to appreciation of the trip, which is satisfying to follow. The shift from being upset about the lack of internet to enjoying outdoor activities is well done.
Suggestions for Improvement:

Consistency in Tone: Sometimes the tone shifts abruptly. For example, you go from saying you're "pi...angry" to later using a more relaxed tone when describing events. Keeping the tone consistent would enhance the flow.
Expand on Emotions: While you do a good job of showing frustration and anger, expanding on moments of joy and satisfaction, especially towards the end, would balance the diary. Describe how it felt to catch that trout or to laugh with your family.
Detailed Descriptions: While some parts are descriptive, others could use more detail. For instance, when you describe the church or the people there, adding a bit more about what they looked like or how they behaved would enrich the narrative.
Grammar and Punctuation: There are a few minor errors, such as "loosing" instead of "losing" and missing commas. A quick proofread can catch these.
Overall, your diary entry is a heartfelt and relatable recount of a family trip, capturing both the frustrations and the unexpected joys. With a few tweaks, it could be even more immersive and emotionally impactful. Keep writing and exploring these personal stories!

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of Shall we fear  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your poem "Shall we fear" has a nice, uplifting message. It seems to be about letting go of fear and allowing those we care about to grow and thrive. Here are some thoughts on it:

Positive Theme: The message of encouragement and hope is clear. It's nice to see a poem that focuses on growth and positivity.

Rhythm and Flow: The poem has a simple and straightforward rhythm, which works well for the message you're conveying. However, the rhythm could be more consistent. For example, the first two lines have different syllable counts, which can disrupt the flow.

Word Choice: The words you chose are simple and direct, which is effective for conveying a clear message. However, some lines could be made more impactful. For instance, instead of "Nay I say," you might consider "No, I say" for a more modern feel.

Structure: The poem's structure is mostly consistent with pairs of rhyming lines, but it could benefit from more variation in line length and structure to keep the reader engaged.

Imagery: Adding more vivid imagery could help bring your message to life. Describing what "a healthy ego" looks like or what "the future is bright" means in more concrete terms could make the poem more relatable and powerful.

Punctuation: Consistent use of punctuation can enhance readability and impact. For instance, adding commas and periods where natural pauses occur can help guide the reader.

Here's a revised version incorporating some of these suggestions:

Shall we fear what we hold dear?
No, I say, let them have their day.
They will grow with a healthy ego,
Give them the past, so they'll surpass.

The future is bright, they'll be alright,
With our love and trust, they'll shine bright.

Overall, your poem carries a great message. With a few tweaks to rhythm, structure, and imagery, it can become even more engaging and impactful. Keep writing and experimenting with different styles and techniques!

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your poem, "Hugs and Kisses," captures a sense of celebration and hope for a happy couple. Here's a breakdown of what works well and some suggestions for improvement:

Positive Aspects:
Imagery and Language:

The imagery is elegant and conveys a sense of formality and reverence.
Phrases like "elegant shapes," "faith and prayer," and "moment of faithful cognizance" create a thoughtful and almost ceremonial tone.
Themes:

The themes of fate, faith, and hope are clear and well-articulated.
The transition from "a forecasted cadence" to "a fevered embellishment" suggests a journey from expectation to a heightened reality, which adds depth to the poem.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Clarity and Flow:

While the language is beautiful, some lines can be a bit abstract. For example, "A solicitation ranked serenely / By faith and prayer" is poetic but could be clearer. Consider rephrasing to make the meaning more accessible.
The line "Gelling in the requisite realm" is intriguing but slightly vague. Adding a bit more context could help readers understand the imagery better.
Consistency in Tone:

The poem starts with a serene tone but shifts to a more intense "fevered embellishment" towards the end. This shift is interesting, but a smoother transition could make it more cohesive.
Maintaining a consistent tone throughout the poem can enhance the overall reading experience.
Specificity:

Adding a few more specific details about the couple or the occasion could personalize the poem more. For instance, mentioning a specific event or characteristic can make the celebration feel more tangible.
Revised Version:
Here's a slight revision with these suggestions in mind:

To the happy couple,

Elegant shapes intertwine,
Destined by faith and prayer,
A serene invitation,
To love and life laid bare.

A greater purpose now revealed,
Within this sacred space,
A moment of clear recognition,
Embraced with tender grace.

A rhythm once uncertain,
Now dances with bright cheer,
A hope both wild and fevered,
To cherish through the years.

Overall, your poem beautifully encapsulates the joy and hope of a couple's journey together. With a few tweaks for clarity and flow, it can become even more impactful. Keep writing and exploring different ways to blend imagery and emotion!

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of Aloneness  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

This piece paints a vivid picture of a person struggling against the pressures of the world. The use of short, impactful sentences helps convey a sense of isolation and resignation. Here are some thoughts and suggestions for improvement:

Engagement and Emotion: The narrative successfully captures the protagonist's initial detachment and eventual surrender. However, adding more emotional depth could make the reader feel more connected to the character's internal struggle.

Example: Instead of "His life was void of caring or observing," you could write, "His life lacked warmth and purpose, each day blending into the next without meaning."

Imagery and Descriptions: The piece could benefit from more descriptive language to paint a clearer picture of the world around the protagonist. This will help readers visualize the setting and understand the character's environment better.

Example: Describe the sounds and activities surrounding him. "He was immersed in the bustling sounds of the city – the distant hum of traffic, the chatter of pedestrians, and the occasional bark of a stray dog."

Consistency in Tone: The piece has a consistent tone, which is good. However, varying the sentence structure a bit can enhance the flow and keep readers engaged.

Example: Instead of "Retreat was impossible. Finally he relented," try "With retreat impossible, he finally relented."

Expanding on Key Moments: Some moments, like the protagonist's final surrender, could be expanded upon to give them more impact.

Example: "Finally, he relented, the weight of the world pressing down on him until he could resist no more. He stepped forward, no longer a quiet observer but an unwilling participant."

Clarity and Coherence: There are a few minor grammatical issues, like the double period in the second line. Ensuring these are corrected will improve readability.

Themes and Messages: The theme of isolation versus societal pressure is clear and compelling. Reinforcing this theme with specific examples of what the world throws at him could make the struggle more relatable.

Example: "The world flung a barrage of temptations and barbs – opportunities for success, whispers of love, and the lure of adventure – all designed to draw him in."

Overall, this piece does a great job of conveying a sense of existential struggle. With a bit more descriptive language and emotional depth, it could become even more engaging and powerful.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This story has an interesting setup, blending elements of romance, drama, and a bit of humor. Here are some thoughts and suggestions:

Introduction of Characters and Setting:

The setting of a large, beautiful palace with a Japanese theme is intriguing, but it could use a bit more description to help the reader visualize it better. For example, mention specific elements like shoji screens, tatami mats, or cherry blossom trees in the garden.
Introducing Laura and her initial reaction to the palace sets up her character well. However, you could add a bit more background about her thoughts and feelings regarding the arranged marriage before they meet the noble.
Dialogue and Character Interaction:

The dialogue feels a bit stiff in places. Try to make it more natural by using contractions and more casual language. For example, instead of "Do you expect me to be scared?" you could write, "You think I'm scared?"
The interactions between Laura and the other characters, especially Rebecca and Ludo, are engaging. Laura's feisty attitude contrasts well with Rebecca's snobbishness and Ludo's reserved nature.
Conflict and Resolution:

The conflict between Laura and Rebecca is lively and adds tension. However, Rebecca's departure feels a bit abrupt. Maybe add a bit more to their confrontation to build the tension before Rebecca leaves.
Ludo’s change in demeanor when he orders both women to stop is a good twist. It shows a different side of his character. However, his reactions could be fleshed out more to give a clearer sense of his personality.
Laura’s Exploration:

Laura's exploration of the palace and her reaction to the luxurious surroundings help to develop her character. It shows her appreciation for the finer things, despite her tough exterior.
The moment where she reflects on her past and her scars adds depth to her character. It might be even more powerful if you expand on her backstory a bit more, perhaps through a brief flashback or internal monologue.
Dinner Scene:

The dinner scene is a nice way to show the developing relationship between Laura and Ludo. Her insistence that he eats with her shows her defiance and independence.
Their banter during the meal is entertaining and helps to build their chemistry. You could add a bit more description of their body language and facial expressions to make the scene more vivid.
Overall, your story has a good foundation with interesting characters and a compelling setting. With some additional detail and refinement in the dialogue, it can become even more engaging. Keep exploring the dynamics between Laura and Ludo, as well as the challenges they face, to add more layers to the narrative.


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Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
arrator's despair and transformation, adds an emotional layer to the story. It leaves a lasting impression and evokes a strong response.

Suggestions for Improvement:
Pacing: While the story builds suspense effectively, there are moments where the pacing feels rushed. Consider slowing down slightly to let key moments sink in. For example, the transition from the water being filled with fish to the villagers rushing in could use a bit more detail to enhance the surreal experience.

Clarify the Narrator's Experience: The transition from the narrator observing to actively running toward the crater is a bit abrupt. Adding a few lines to explain their motivation for running, or their internal thoughts during this action, could make this transition smoother.

Consistency in Tense: The story shifts between past and present tense. For example, "I stand transfix by the window" should be "I stood transfixed by the window" to maintain consistency. Keeping the tense consistent will help with the flow and readability.

Ending Clarity: The final transformation of the narrator spreading wings and flying away is powerful but a bit sudden. Adding a few lines to build up to this moment could help readers understand the significance of this transformation and its connection to the overall story.

Minor Corrections:
"Transfix" should be "transfixed" for proper grammar.
"Onimous" should be corrected to "ominous."
The phrase "my body, an exercise of movable parts, tiring, tiring, tiring..." could be streamlined for clarity. Perhaps "my body, feeling like a collection of tired, movable parts..." would be more clear.
Overall, this is a compelling and imaginative story that effectively uses vivid imagery and suspense to engage the reader. With a few adjustments to pacing and clarity, it has the potential to be even more impactful. Great work!

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of Tumbled Granite  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
"Tumbled Granite" is a beautifully evocative poem that captures the essence of nature's dynamic interplay between ice, water, and stone. The imagery you use is vivid and engaging, creating a strong visual experience for the reader.

The poem begins with a powerful image of "grey shoulders" covered by "caps and quilts of white," suggesting a landscape shrouded in snow. This sets the scene effectively, hinting at the hidden currents beneath the surface. The choice of words like "shiver" and "icy trickles" enhances the sense of cold and movement.

In the second stanza, the "Chill torrents tumble" and "craggy drowning deeps" convey a sense of powerful, relentless motion. The use of "dark glimpses glisten wetly" is particularly striking, as it captures the fleeting, almost mystical quality of water in motion. The alliteration in "foaming splashes leap" adds to the rhythmic, almost musical quality of the poem.

The third stanza shifts to a calmer scene, with "swift currents slacken" and "snow-melt in full flight." The imagery of dragonflies darting around exposed rock tops brings a sense of life and lightness to the poem. This contrast with the earlier, more intense stanzas is effective in showing the changing nature of the landscape.

In the final stanza, "Sliding silver glints" and "slanting golden sun rays" create a serene and almost magical atmosphere. The play of light on "boulder bounded pools" is a beautiful way to end the poem, leaving the reader with a sense of peace and clarity.

The repetition at the end, simply stated as "Repeat . . .", suggests a cyclical nature, emphasizing the ongoing, ever-changing relationship between ice, water, and rock. It reinforces the idea that this natural process is timeless and continuous.

Overall, "Tumbled Granite" is a well-crafted poem with strong imagery and a rhythmic flow that captures the reader's attention and evokes a deep appreciation for the beauty of nature.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review of A Force of One  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem has a strong, inspiring message about resilience and determination. The imagery and themes evoke a sense of inner strength and purpose. Here’s a closer look at each stanza:

First Stanza:
"Do not be frail, be a force of one,
Brave and pure, a heart second to none.
Emotions are strong, fragile and sifted,
But in the end with resolve, heavenly lifted!"

The opening lines encourage personal strength and bravery. The contrast between frailty and being a "force of one" sets a powerful tone. The mention of emotions being "strong, fragile and sifted" acknowledges the complexity of feelings, yet ends on a hopeful note with "resolve, heavenly lifted."

Second Stanza:
"We won’t mess up if we are too bold,
To be challenged is what we are told!
Do not live your life in ‘screw up’ mode,
This is your home, your sweet abode..."

This stanza emphasizes the value of boldness and embracing challenges. It suggests that mistakes are less likely when we are daring and confident. The advice to avoid living in "screw up" mode and to cherish one's home adds a personal touch, grounding the poem in everyday life.

Third Stanza:
"For we live a life so infinitely designed,
To boldly seek and ultimately find,
The legendary cup, the Holy Grail,
Which we are seeking, and we will not fail!"

The final stanza ties everything together, framing life as a purposeful journey. The quest for the "Holy Grail" symbolizes the ultimate goal or achievement, reinforcing the theme of perseverance and success.

Overall, the poem is motivational and encourages the reader to embrace challenges, stay determined, and believe in their ability to succeed. The language is straightforward yet evocative, making the message clear and impactful.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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Review by WriterRick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your fanfiction is a delightful blend of the enchanting worlds of "Frozen" and "Winnie the Pooh." Combining these beloved universes for Disney's 100th anniversary is a charming idea that will appeal to fans of all ages. The story flows smoothly, capturing the essence of both worlds and their characters.

Strengths:

Character Voices: You did an excellent job capturing the unique voices of each character. Elsa's calm wisdom, Anna's spirited curiosity, and Pooh's gentle simplicity all shine through. Olaf's childlike wonder and the distinctive personalities of the Hundred Acre Wood residents are also well-portrayed.

Imagery and Descriptions: The descriptions of the setting, especially the transition from Arendelle to the Hundred Acre Wood, are vivid and magical. The imagery of the shimmering silver cloud and the serene forest clearing is particularly effective in creating a whimsical atmosphere.

Humor and Heart: The story is infused with humor and warmth, staying true to the spirit of both "Frozen" and "Winnie the Pooh." Moments like Olaf learning about meteorology and the playful interactions between the characters add a lighthearted touch.

Suggestions for Improvement:

Pacing: While the story flows well, the transition between scenes could be smoother. The shift from the breakfast scene to the appearance of the silver cloud feels a bit abrupt. Adding a bit more buildup or foreshadowing could enhance the magical transition.

Dialogue Tags: Some dialogue exchanges could benefit from varied tags to avoid repetition and clarify who's speaking. For example, instead of repeatedly using "said," try incorporating tags like "replied," "murmured," or even descriptive actions to convey tone and emotion.

Character Interaction: The interactions between Elsa, Anna, and the Hundred Acre Wood residents are charming, but you could delve deeper into their emotions and thoughts. For instance, how do Elsa and Anna feel about meeting these characters from a childhood story? Exploring their internal reactions can add depth to the narrative.

Conflict and Resolution: Introducing a small conflict or challenge during their visit could add an engaging element to the story. It doesn't have to be a major problem—perhaps a minor mishap that requires the characters to work together, highlighting their strengths and building bonds.

Overall, your fanfiction is a heartwarming and creative tribute to Disney's timeless characters. With a few tweaks to pacing, dialogue, and character interactions, it has the potential to be even more enchanting. Great job, and keep writing!

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)


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