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167 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Survivor  
Review by Scifiwizard
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was a powerful short piece that left me mentally begging for more. It is a great start to a potentially gripping story of survival. Well Done!
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Review by Scifiwizard
Rated: E | (5.0)
I saw this in a Question of the Day prompt and decided to read it. This is hilariously brilliant! How easily people panic and jump to crazy conclusions! The ending threw me into a laughing fit, I did not expect dust bunnies and sock monsters to be the culprits! Well Done!
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Review by Scifiwizard
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
The Lucy Bones Game of 2018 is a fun game of chance that places those who violate the rules into 'the dungeon' of Mr. Bones until some kind hearted soul pays a bail of gift points. I found the elements of this game very clever and entertaining.

As a suggestion for the 2019 game Mr Bones may wish to add a roll to see which rule violator 'gets out of jail free' with each bone as 'bribe money' costing 5,000 GPs. This may add a new fun element to the next game.

The gift points raised goes to a worthy cause so buy some bones and test your luck on the roll of the dice! Just don't break the rules... Mr Bones is watching. Happy Halloween!
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Review of Solitary  
Review by Scifiwizard
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a deep and dark essay I feel is dedicated to all those who had lost a loved one. When someone close to us passes away, we tend to feel we are alone as we all mourn in our own way. Or we do not wish others to see our pain as we feel we need to be strong. Time does numb the pain but so long as the loved one is remembered, he or she is never truly gone. This essay truly touched me as I too know this pain, this solitude and fear of forgetfulness. It is why I keep happy reminders of my loved ones around me. Well Done.

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Review of Landing Page  
Review by Scifiwizard
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a good start to get a new writer's attention. However, having not yet published any books, as this advertisement suggests, offering your experience does not hold a lot of weight.

I humbly suggest you stress the amount of research you did in finding the right methods of self publishing which work for you. With that, i would state that you can save a writer the time and frustration of doing their own research with your experience in that field.

Saving time, money, and frustration will be very appealing to a first time writer as well as your experience in explaining your vision to your family as it may inspire them to be more open about their dream to their own family.

I would offer hints as to where you started your research and the amount of dead ends you had encountered to stress the frustration of doing it alone.

Also, you might stress that the other members of your community can offer assistance as well.

I hope this helped.

Eric
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Review by Scifiwizard
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was a fine piece of advice for first time authors. however, it needs some organization. I offer a few pointers:

Determination:

1. Stating you can encounter resistance from family and friends will quickly turn the reader away from reading any further.

Try: You will gain support and resistance from family and friends in ways that might surprise you. Some will fully support your decision while others would have reservations. Accept the support and respect those who have reservations; they all mean well. Also, be prepared for the challenges of self publishing.

2. It is important to balance ones writing career with ones day job. No one strikes it rich or even gets by on one book alone. Each book is a 'roll of the dice' if you will. Some make a lot of money but it will not happen over night; it takes time.

3. When telling ones family, it is very important to stress the fact one is not quitting their job to dive into writing straight off the bat. This will be most family member's fears.

4. When setting a schedule, it is important to make time for the real world such as family and friends. Isolating them will only isolate yourself in the end.

5. In the last short paragraph, it is fine to state don't let anything stand in your way. However, wording is everything. Try: You will face many challenges. Do not be discouraged by them, overcome them; let no challenge or set back stand in your way.

Strength:

1. Try adding: Writing a novel takes countless of hours which will require much inner strength as you may find yourself working through the night and into the wee hours of the morning. This is on top of the hours of research in finding the right publisher or the right path to self publish your work. It takes much inner strength to be a writer.

2. Concerning family and friends. try: Family and friends will try to help you find a publisher, once your work is finished. Some will also offer tips on how to make your book better or how to write a query letter. Consider all the help and advice you get carefully but do the research as well. It will serve you well to be through.

Support:

1. With the above advice, instead of stating, "Have I made you think family and friends can’t be helpful? I didn’t mean to." Try: Although your family and friends may not be experts in the world of publication, they know you and what drives you forward. Accept and embrace all the support you can get.

Imagination and creativity:

No suggestion for this area.

I hope this helped in a small way.

Eric
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Review by Scifiwizard
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a fine start to advertise support for writers who wish to publish their work. Sharing a life experience that sparked your writing career was a nice opener. You offer an example of some of the support your service will supply but a few key pieces are missing.

1. One approach does not work for every author just as one teaching method does not work for every child. It is important to offer many ways to approach a piece of literature. Example: Nonfiction requires research into the facts while fiction requires one to leap beyond logic.

2. Preparation and organization work hand in hand. Without organization, one can not be prepared and without preparation, one can not get organized. Example: When making your mind map, keep all of the notes together in a safe place. The loss of one note, one written thought can and will spark great frustration.

3. Stating how you create and organize a mind map was a nice touch. However, I humbly suggest you ask those who are helping to speak about how they prepared their work; what inspired them to start writing it, etc. These factors will help greatly in deciding the proper approach to support them though their journey to become a published author.
For example: I am inspired by pictures, paintings, and photographs. Music is my tool for concentration.

4. If this is a service you are offering, you may wish to mention how much the service might cost or who to contact for more information regarding the extent of the services you are offering.


I only found one point of grammar that needs correcting:

Line six: 'I was so proud of me' That should read, 'I was so proud of myself'

I hope this helps.

Eric.
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Review of Welcome home  
Review by Scifiwizard
Rated: E | (4.5)
I read all of the short stories in your portfolio, this being the latest thus far. I find it interesting but it is lacking in a few ways you may wish to consider working into the story.

1. There is no description of the narrator, the one telling the story. This makes it hard for the reader to connect with her as the story progresses. Also, there is no descriptions of the monsters mentioned in the story. We learn the narrator's name at the end. You have a fairly good description of the sword, Iris however.

2. There is no detail in the fight that led to opening the first door or what the narrator is trying to achieve. This will leave the reader scratching his head, wondering what is going on.

3. Finally, there is length. You could have easily placed all of these into one static item as a single chapter. By placing them into such small pieces, you run out of space fast. Do not be afraid to make longer chapters.

Everything else is spot on. *ThumbsUpL* Spelling is perfect as well as grammar. I hope this helps you as you move forward with your story.
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Review of Insert title here  
Review by Scifiwizard
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a short but very deep poem about love and a brief glimpse of its many truths. Indeed we do not need hate to feel love nor do we need anything for love to blossom; it just happens. To the casual observer, love is mysterious and complicated but to those who find love with each other, it is simple and clear as day though they cannot explain it. Love is nothing you learn, it is something you feel and those who find love truly find their eyes open in the darkness. Well Done.
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Review of Thaw  
Review by Scifiwizard
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was a sad but well written story; one my mother can easily relate to in many ways. She lost her husband on April 8th 2013; it was a blow to all of us. Just a few short moths ago, my older brother went into emergency surgery for a tumor wrapped around his optic nerve. Fortunately, he survived but the thought that we could have lost him still haunts my mother. It haunts us all in a way. She often speaks of how she and dad would do many things together and how she misses having him near or having all the children home. No one can stop time or make time turn back. All we can do is hold our memories close to our hearts and keep moving forward.

I believe this short piece will touch many hearts and remind us all that we are not alone in our grief.
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Review by Scifiwizard
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was a very informative piece on Black Bears. However, there are key pieces of information that the author left out that are crucial to the well being and success of those who hunt this beautiful and powerful animal.

1. Black bears can run up to 60 kilometers per hour in the open.

2. Although black bears rarely hunt humans, they have been reported to do so. Always remain alert when hunting them.

3. Black bears can smell your cologne or deodorant from over a hundred yards away. Smelling pretty just makes you stand out.

4. Certain types of bear traps are illegal in certain states. Check the state's law to know which traps to buy.

5. Not just any weapon will kill a black bear. Ensure you have the proper caliber before setting out.

All in all, this was very true but, as always, extra caution is recommended when hunting any large game.
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Review of Puddles  
Review by Scifiwizard
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem touched my heart is too many ways to list in a single review. Change does indeed come like summer storm. Once it hits, you will see yourself in a different way for better or worse. The words of this poem ring true; change can shake your very soul as it did mine. I was never the same when my father's time came. It changed my whole world as it did for all those who knew and loved him. Thank you for sharing this poem. It is a fine reminder that we are not alone in an ever changing world.
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Review by Scifiwizard
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was a very short but to the point narrative of how the author gained inspiration to end her writer's block. I would only suggest one piece of advice of which many people find to be very true as they get older in life.

Small, seemingly insignificant things can spark something big; inspiring us to write, sing, draw, or paint. A picture or a song can bring back volumes of memories. Witnessing a child at play can bring back the happiness of your old childhood.

Something as small as a child's cry from a distance brought inspiration for this author's story. The point of this is simple. Event the smallest of things can spark something big.
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Review by Scifiwizard
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was a fair example of how to create a character. However, there are a few key factors you have forgotten.

1. Time and location is very important in creating a character. Every nation and every era had its own unique style of dress and mind set. Also, the roles men, women, and children have evolved through these different eras and locations.

2. When describing a character, it is important not to simply ramble off what he/she looks like. Subtlety is the key here. For example: Maria pushed a lock of her long forest brown hair aside, revealing her emerald green eyes as she glanced down at the small lad. Her tall and muscular frame only added to her beauty; the white dress she wore accented her curves very well.

3. It is important to note that all characters evolve as the story unfolds. Certain events can change a character in subtle or even drastic ways. No personality is set in stone; people can and will change based upon their experiences in life. For example: A reckless person can become more cautions after realizing he or she caused a major accident due to their reckless behavior.

4. A person's profession will also dictate the type of people he or she will do business with. For example: A character working in a dress shop will rarely see a man walking in wanting to buy a dress. On the same note, you want to show, not tell how a person relates to friends and foes alike though their actions and dialog. Just saying one does not like the other is not enough to convince a reader.

5. In regards to everything needing to connect, I find it very important that by making the connections subtle rather than obvious will make the story more interesting to the reader. They will guess one thing and find it leads elsewhere as the story slowly unfolds. For example: In my first novel, I had the character holding a picture of his parents and found a couple who almost perfectly matched the photo only they were not his mother and father... they were his aunt and uncle.

Now for the spelling and grammar:

1. Third line: I usually have my plot is mind after doing my mind mapping and research. (That should be: in mind)

2. Fourth line: I want my character names to fit the character every so subtlly. (That should be: ever so subtly)

The rest is perfect. I hope this review was helpful.

Eric.

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Review by Scifiwizard
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was a good introduction to ATVs for those wanting to hunt or explore the wilderness of Canada. I note a few things you may wish to add and or change.

First Paragraph:

1. In the first sentence, I suggest you state: When riding out in the woods, it is wise to equip yourself with proper transportation to handle the various types of terrain.

2. I suggest you state: You small economy car might not be enough. It is better for you and your vehicle to rent or purchase an ATV.

Utility ATVs:

In regards to Utility ATVs, it is important to note that there are several makes and models. One should discuss their travel plans with the retailer so he or she can help them find the right fit for them.

Sport ATVs:

In regards to Sport ATVs it is very important to note that while they are faster and more maneuverable, most have less pulling power and carrying capacity than the Utility ATVs. One should speak to a retailer to find one that best fits their needs.

Side by Side ATVs:

Like the Utility ATVs, they come in various makes and models, a retailer will be able to help a consumer find the right pick for them.

Children's ATVs:

I cannot stress this enough when I state that it is most important to note here that parental supervision is crucial when using these ATVs. TYhis is especially true if it is the first time a child is using one of these vehicles. They have little power so they can get stuck easily. Also, although they are not fast, a child can get him or herself lost quickly on the trails if not carefully watched by a parent or guardian.

I hope this review helps you in your goal to protect the environment and the integrity of the Canadian wilderness trails.


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Review by Scifiwizard
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was a very creative and fun story to read! To see things from the perspective of cutlery and dishes was an interesting and entertaining approach to family life! I strongly believe that this would make a great children's story with the right plot setting. Please think about it; you have a wonderful start to a very promising tale!
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Review by Scifiwizard
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a fine introduction to a conservative fishing and hunting group. I offer a few pieces of advice that might help the group.

1. I suggest you set a second rule that states any and all information a person offers is correct to the best of his or her knowledge. The last thing anyone needs is inaccurate news or information.

2. It might be wise to remind hunters and fishermen, especially those new to Canada, the need to take measures to handle any emergencies such as a fall or a moose encounter. I say this because my uncle was in Canada several years ago. He startled a moose and it wrecked his car with a single charge and blow of its massive antlers.

3. One punctuation correction is needed. You stated, "Does this sound like ultimate beginning to a hunt." You need a question mark here instead of a period.

4. I humbly suggest you change 'ultimate' in the above mentioned sentence to 'picture perfect'. In my opinion, it sells the group more profoundly in a more subtle way.

The rest is perfect as it stands, in my opinion. Well Done!
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Review by Scifiwizard
Rated: E | (5.0)
This short piece speaks to a lot of people as they feel the same way when life comes at them hard. Everyone knows that they are expected to be strong, to be that shoulder to cry on when someone can not hold their tears. Only who will offer their shoulder in return? Many people ask this question, including myself. I lost my father on April 8th 2013; I felt I had to be strong for my family, to be the shoulder to cry on while I cried alone and tried to put on a brave face when near my relatives. I too needed that shoulder to cry on but felt I could not ask as I was the one others came to for that purpose. You are not alone.
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Review by Scifiwizard
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was a powerful short story. A young man an elderly man shuffle by and remembers the one talk he had with him about his life. Each generation does not know and some do not appreciate what the generation before had to deal with. By sharing one's story, they open the eyes of others and really makes them think about their lives. When I was a child, there was television but no personal computers, no iPhones, no internet. Children today can't imagine a world where those did not exist and I sometimes fail to see a world without television or even radio. We can learn a lot from our parents and grand parents if we just take the time to really listen.

I really loved this piece as my father too lead a rough life with much sorrow. He too was a fighter and a survivor.
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Review of Silence  
Review by Scifiwizard
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was a fine short poem. It gave the feeling of finding that one quiet place away from everything. I loved the first set of lines. I have a few humble suggestions for the second set.

1. In the first two lines, you may wish to try this:

Mained clouds and fluorescent stars blend into the water bold.
Light drips through the web of branches, seeping like melted gold.

2. The third and fourth line, I humbly suggest you make one line.

Again, this was a fine poem. I truly enjoyed it. I hope this review helps and encourages you to write more.
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Review of The Abandoned  
Review by Scifiwizard
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This was an interesting start to what promises to be an intriguing story of mystery and horror. I do have a few pieces of advice which may help you further grasp the reader's attention.

1. I suggest you be more vague with how Carter obtained the four girls in the prologue and allow flashbacks throughout the story tell the full tale of how they became his powerful little group. For example...
In the third paragraph, you spoke of how Carter obtained Alyssia. I humbly suggest that instead of going into detail, you merely state that he was forced to make Alyssia and her older sister orphans that night as their parents were less than cooperative.

2. Also, in the third paragraph, you may wish to give a reason why he spared Ayssia's elder sister who could be a key witness for the police to build a case against him. I suggest this: He spared the elder sister as she showed promise to be useful at a later time. He had someone else acquire her to be held until a time of his choosing: This would close any plot holes that would raise questions later.

3. In the fourth paragraph, you stated that Adria's parents practically threw her out with a suitcase of money. I humbly suggest you change that so he arrives just as she is being thrown out with the money and he offers to take her in. She accepts, sobbing at the fact her parents abandoned her.

4. In the eighth paragraph, you stated that Adria reacted the most negatively against the fusing of a demon's soul while Julia was easier with an angel's soul. You might wish to add, :In retrospect, it might have been more productive to have given Adria the angel's soul instead. Too late now...:

5. In the first to the last paragraph, you stated that Carter was blackmailing Alyssia's older sister since he murdered their parents. This will raise questions such as what does he have over her and why would she care as he killed her parents? I humbly suggest you state that he had been using the well being of Alyssia's elder sister as a tool to keep her loyal. For example: She does well, her older sister is treated well.

Overall, this was a fine prologue. I found no spelling or grammar mistakes and it flowed nicely. I hope my suggestions help make your story even more intriguing.




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Review of Detective Dina  
Review by Scifiwizard
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was a very cute story of a bored little girl looking for something new and exciting to do. Although she had to create a situation where something went missing, she felt happy to have solved her first case. Her fee of one or more cookies was a nice touch. This short story has a lot of potential as the girl might find herself facing a real case of a missing object or pet where she has to do some real detective work. I found this to be a great story for young children as well as young teenagers who I believe would find the story reminiscent of their own childhood fantasies. I would love to see this story go further and, perhaps, become a children's series.

Well Done!
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Review of A FAR JOURNEY  
Review by Scifiwizard
Rated: E | (5.0)
This introduction to your novel has me intrigued. It is truly difficult to move on from the loss of a loved one, especially a mother figure for a young woman. I am still struggling to move on after the loss of my father four years ago today. Many of those who are grieving a loss have a difficult time understanding that they are not the only ones hurting and grieving inside. This novel would truly pull at the heartstrings of those who know the sting of losing a loved one and the struggle of continuing on with their lives.
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Review by Scifiwizard
Rated: E | (4.5)
I saw this story on the WDC homepage with a request for direction ideas. This is a good start to a good story. Do not lose heart as many great novels start off slow; jumping right into the action is not always the best direction to take. I have a few pieces of advice you may find helpful...

1. have a space between lines of dialog and paragraphs of narrative. This makes the story easier to read. I learned from experience that most editors and publishers alike will not look at a manuscript with the lines all bunched together.

2. When Katie first introduced herself, she seemed shy and unwilling to be noticed. When Nate introduced himself to her in the second class, she opened up dramatically. This is a very sudden mood and character change that will leave the reader confused. It may serve your story better if you have Katie stay in character and slowly open up further down the line.

3. You mentioned a girl named Mckayla who Nate had dated in the past but went no further. A little more detail may give the reader a better picture.

4. When Katie introduced Nate to her friend from church, Thomas, he inquired who Nate was but said nothing else. Some more dialog here may serve the story well.

I hope this helps you find the direction you are looking for in this story.
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Review by Scifiwizard
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This was a very good start to what promises to be a very suspenseful novel. It is also an interesting twist to a monster vs man story where man is actually the monster and the 'creature' is the victim/hero of the story. The narrative and dialog flow very nicely and the details give the reader a clear view of the action. In all, this was nicely written. Well Done!

The only mistake I have found was in the second short paragraph of the story. (He slid to a stopped) This should be 'He slid to a stop'

I found no other mistakes so, again, well done!

The only piece of advice I would give at this point is to take your time; do not rush the story. I made that mistake and I ended up having to rewrite the entire novel.

In closing, I truly believe this story has the potential to be great! I look forward to reading more!
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