Shaara's (shaara) Reviews

Shaara

Review Requests: ON

5,963 Public Reviews Given

6,580 Total Reviews Given

301

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4186901

Review of Come Together Again and Again

Review by Shaara

In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer's Cramp Review

Happy, happy morning!

Your Prompt was:

Now Red Barchetta is stuck in my head. Oh well - there are worse earworms to have. Write a story or poem about a song that gets into your head and just... won't... leave...

What I liked most about this piece were your lovely images -- especially:

how it lingers like swarming gnats <-- Perfect!

as if the repeat button has duct tape over it Yes, yes!

And then, I feel their hot breath

These were marvelous.

Further Corrections & comments:

The last stanza let me down a shade. Sometimes it occurs . . . Sometimes it just occurs?

I know one should avoid the word just, but it felt to me as if you needed to slow the ending stanza down a mite. Let the mind assimilate that the ending was nigh.

Otherwise, this was absolutely wonderful. So true, so true.

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!

Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp

Smiles,
S h a a r a

~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~

Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara

for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

302

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4185370

Review of Beware the Web

Review by Shaara

In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer's Cramp Review

Happy, happy morning!

Your Prompt was:

Use the following words and phrases in your story or poem. Bold them to make the judge's life easier:

throbbing headache
bruises
enormous spider
half-empty glass
nailed shut

What I liked most about this was the theme: that it's striving of the poet/writer that provides purpose, not perfection, which is always unattainable. Nice.

Further Corrections & comments:

Amazing use of language, as usual.

The line:

newts exerting under pressure on nib -- caused me to look up newts. I had thought it only meant a salamander. However, that still didn't help with the line. I think you did mean a salamander . . . Confusion here. Do you mean that those tiny newts are pushing up on the nib of the pen, fighting against your writing?

Because I was
unwell poet prone on sore elbows with ague -- it bothers me when no articles are used. I know that's common in poetry, but not she, it seems to me, you've been speaking with them prior to that point. The inconsistency jars my reading.

Still, you always give me such amazing trips into vocabulary-insighted images. I always enjoy your output.

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!

Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp

Smiles,
S h a a r a

~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~

Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara

for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

303

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4185364

Review of Beaten

Review by Shaara

In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer's Cramp Review

Happy, happy morning!

Your Prompt was:

Use the following words and phrases in your story or poem. Bold them to make the judge's life easier:

throbbing headache
bruises
enormous spider
half-empty glass
nailed shut

What I liked most about this was the ending with its call for women to take a stand.

Further Corrections & comments:

I think this could easily be turned into a song. It has the feel of one.

She lay down on the floor. (not laid -- that requires a direct object to follow: She laid the book on the table.)

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!

Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp

Smiles,
S h a a r a

~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~

Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara

for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

304

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4184230

Review of Patiently Waiting

Review by Shaara

In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer's Cramp Review

Happy, happy morning!

Your Prompt was:

I received a book for Christmas – The Horse, by Wendy Williams.

I’ve only read about seventy pages so far, but I’m very impressed with the writer and with her science-based (but story-driven) writing style.

In this non-fiction book I’ve learned about the horse’s evolution from cat-sized to today’s many variations and how the horse has been able to adapt to numerous environments – deserts, swamps, high mountain ranges, a populated city . . .

But, according to Ms. Williams, one of the horse’s greatest virtues is its patience. When something is not right, a tug of wilted grass or an idly lipped-up scrawny weed or stray piece of hay can often make a long wait endurable.

Patience does seem an important quality for an animal to have --especially if they have to deal with us humans. (LOL)

Anyway ~~~~

Your NEW PROMPT:

Write about an animal’s patience.

What I liked most about this was the way you SHOWED us how the dog felt -- and about his patience.

Further Corrections & comments:

It feels like an eternity and you're never coming home
Your absense makes my big doggie heart hurt

I wonder if in that first line you meant: It feels like an eternity. I worry that you'll never come home or something like that?

Because the owner does come home.

Your absence

wiggle butt or wiggly butt?

I am so glad I got to read this. It was cute.

Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!

Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp

Smiles,
S h a a r a

~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~

Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara

for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

305

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4184227

Review of Darryl I Am

Review by Shaara

In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer's Cramp Review

Happy, happy morning!

Your Prompt was:

I received a book for Christmas – The Horse, by Wendy Williams.

I’ve only read about seventy pages so far, but I’m very impressed with the writer and with her science-based (but story-driven) writing style.

In this non-fiction book I’ve learned about the horse’s evolution from cat-sized to today’s many variations and how the horse has been able to adapt to numerous environments – deserts, swamps, high mountain ranges, a populated city . . .

But, according to Ms. Williams, one of the horse’s greatest virtues is its patience. When something is not right, a tug of wilted grass or an idly lipped-up scrawny weed or stray piece of hay can often make a long wait endurable.

Patience does seem an important quality for an animal to have --especially if they have to deal with us humans. (LOL)

Anyway ~~~~

Your NEW PROMPT:

Write about an animal’s patience.

I wonder about the reviews you'll get on this one. I bet you get some where the people are incensed. LOL I merely found it interesting -- the creation a la Cat.

Further Corrections & comments:

I really didn't see how this applied to patience. Was the cat patient because it took him seven days to create his world?

Or, I suppose, the first line was meant to apply to the prompt.

I'll accept this piece, but . . . As to whether it was the best use of the prompt -- that is the big question.

Your work is always intriguing. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!

Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp

Smiles,
S h a a r a

~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~

Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara

for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

306

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4184222

Review of Patience Must Be Learned

Review by Shaara

In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...

Rated: 18+

| (2.5)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer's Cramp Review

Happy, happy morning!

Your Prompt was:

I received a book for Christmas – The Horse, by Wendy Williams.

I’ve only read about seventy pages so far, but I’m very impressed with the writer and with her science-based (but story-driven) writing style.

In this non-fiction book I’ve learned about the horse’s evolution from cat-sized to today’s many variations and how the horse has been able to adapt to numerous environments – deserts, swamps, high mountain ranges, a populated city . . .

But, according to Ms. Williams, one of the horse’s greatest virtues is its patience. When something is not right, a tug of wilted grass or an idly lipped-up scrawny weed or stray piece of hay can often make a long wait endurable.

Patience does seem an important quality for an animal to have --especially if they have to deal with us humans. (LOL)

Anyway ~~~~

Your NEW PROMPT:

Write about an animal’s patience.

It was interesting hearing an animal's viewpoint of humans.

Further Corrections & comments:

I recommend proof-reading this to correct the mistakes. They did make for some rereading and attempts at figuring out a sentence's meaning.

The animal sex part really didn't add to this piece. Are you sure it's essential?

I would avoid the ages bit. Horses are adults at age five, so the years quoted just seemed strange. Of course, these are alien horses, so who knows.

Not one of your best stories. I could see that you used the prompt in this piece, but it seemed insignificant to the story.

Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!

Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp

Smiles,
S h a a r a

~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~

Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara

for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

307

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4184218

Review of WC Co-win: Waiting for Noah

Review by Shaara

In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer's Cramp Review

Happy, happy morning!

Your Prompt was:

I received a book for Christmas – The Horse, by Wendy Williams.

I’ve only read about seventy pages so far, but I’m very impressed with the writer and with her science-based (but story-driven) writing style.

In this non-fiction book I’ve learned about the horse’s evolution from cat-sized to today’s many variations and how the horse has been able to adapt to numerous environments – deserts, swamps, high mountain ranges, a populated city . . .

But, according to Ms. Williams, one of the horse’s greatest virtues is its patience. When something is not right, a tug of wilted grass or an idly lipped-up scrawny weed or stray piece of hay can often make a long wait endurable.

Patience does seem an important quality for an animal to have --especially if they have to deal with us humans. (LOL)

Anyway ~~~~

Your NEW PROMPT:

Write about an animal’s patience.

What I liked most about this was that it tugged at my heart so much I had tears in my eyes. You made this dog real. I FELT his emotions.

Further Corrections & comments:

Perfect -- a giant cookie of EMOTION. Great job!

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!

Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp

Smiles,
S h a a r a

~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~

Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara

for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

308

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4184023

Review of Boxing Day

Review by Shaara

In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...

Rated: E

| (3.5)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer's Cramp Review

Happy, happy morning!

Your Prompt was:

Tomorrow is Boxing Day. Having lived my life in the US, where it's not observed, I had no idea what Boxing Day was until Wikipedia came along and I looked it up. For tomorrow, come up with your own interpretation of what Boxing Day is - the more outrageous, the better!

What I liked most about this was the rolling song-like quality. I really do hope you're a musician. LOL

Further Corrections & comments:

But will Santa tell? Ah, there's the question, and if he does answer one question each year, would I really use that one as my choice?

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!

Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp

Smiles,
S h a a r a

~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~

Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara

for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

309

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4184019

Review of Rope-a-Dope Uppercuts Saved by the Bell

Review by Shaara

In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer's Cramp Review

Happy, happy morning!

Your Prompt was:

Tomorrow is Boxing Day. Having lived my life in the US, where it's not observed, I had no idea what Boxing Day was until Wikipedia came along and I looked it up. For tomorrow, come up with your own interpretation of what Boxing Day is - the more outrageous, the better!

What I liked most about this was your cleverness. The flows of tongue made this piece especially enjoyable to read aloud, and the tricky wording -- so sly, so skillful -- made my brain smile.

Further Corrections & comments:

Another great piece by an intriguing poet.

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!

Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp

Smiles,
S h a a r a

~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~

Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara

for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

310

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4182861

Review of Relaxation During the Holidays

Review by Shaara

In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer's Cramp Review

Happy, happy morning!

Your Prompt was:

The title of your poem or story must be:

Relaxation During the Holidays

~~~~~ AND, your piece must be HUMOROUS~~~~

What I liked most about this was the interspersed refrains. Good job! This was fun.

Further Corrections & comments:

The first paragraph was my favorite. It really set the scene for the whole turmoil of the season. LOL

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!

Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp

Smiles,
S h a a r a

~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~

Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara

for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

311

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4182860

Review of Relaxation During the Holidays

Review by Shaara

In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer's Cramp Review

Happy, happy morning!

Your Prompt was:

The title of your poem or story must be:

Relaxation During the Holidays

~~~~~ AND, your piece must be HUMOROUS~~~~

What I liked most about this was the ending. That Thanksgiving elves was really good for a chuckle.

Further Corrections & comments:

Too cute, but also a little wistful. Perhaps this should be set to music, to remind us not to chug chug like a Christmas train.

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!

Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp

Smiles,
S h a a r a

~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~

Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara

for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

312

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4182624

Review of Christmas Rush

Review by Shaara

In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer's Cramp Review

Happy, happy morning!

Your Prompt was:

Holy cow, Christmas is next week?! But I'm not ready! Write a story or poem about waiting until the last minute to buy all the gifts.

What I liked most about this was the way you assured us that this procrastination is a positive, an adrenaline junky's high. FOFL

Further Corrections & comments:

Santa eyes us narrowly as we bound like caffeine laden kangaroos
from store to store, the urgency of scurry and the language of
dash prominent on our drawn countenances, an expeditious
air about us as we flail in final scramble. Little does he
know we are feeding like ravenous wolves on the
carrion of time-ticks, on the meat that are hours
and minutes slain by reality‘s steadfastness.

These two sentences entirely won me over. "Carrion of time-ticks?"

"caffein-laden kangaroos?"

And then there was that: "language of dash."

Oh, brilliant one! I bow before your tongue of creative excellence!

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!

Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp

Smiles,
S h a a r a

~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~

Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara

for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

313

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4182622

Review of BKA The District

Review by Shaara

In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...

Rated: E

| (3.5)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer's Cramp Review

Happy, happy morning!

Your Prompt was:

Holy cow, Christmas is next week?! But I'm not ready! Write a story or poem about waiting until the last minute to buy all the gifts.

What I liked most about this was that it was sci/fi, which you probably know is a favorite genre of mine.

Further Corrections & comments:

We don't need every thought or occurrence, just the significant ones, the ones that move the story forward. You spent most of the time on the after effects of the traffic jam, but that didn't really play an essential part to this tale. That could have been a two line mention to show the bad side of waiting too long to holiday shop. The Victer Protection played no part in the storyline.

Also, work to have an ending that grabs, something that leaves a memory, a smile, a head shake of agreement. Good stories have some kind of clincher that gives you an "endorphin" for reading.

But, once again, it's your creativity that's amazing. When you learn proper sentence structure and how to write a satisfying ending . . . I think you'll be an incredible story teller. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!

Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp

Smiles,
S h a a r a

~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~

Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara

for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

314

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4182617

Review of Christmas Gift-Giving Is Nigh

Review by Shaara

In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...

Rated: E

| (3.5)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer's Cramp Review

Happy, happy morning!

Your Prompt was:

Holy cow, Christmas is next week?! But I'm not ready! Write a story or poem about waiting until the last minute to buy all the gifts.

What I liked most about this were the first few stanzas. They really pounded in your theme with that catchy rhythm. But then you broke the four line stanza and the pattern. Sigh.

Further Corrections & comments:

This is just my opinion, but I really liked the line:Christmas gift-giving is nigh. Perhaps, if you'd continued the four-line stanzas, that line could have been varied a bit with the sigh, high . . . etc.

Just a thought.

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!

Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp

Smiles,
S h a a r a

~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~

Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara

for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

315

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4182609

Review of Christmas Chaos

Review by Shaara

In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer's Cramp Review

Happy, happy morning!

Your Prompt was:

Holy cow, Christmas is next week?! But I'm not ready! Write a story or poem about waiting until the last minute to buy all the gifts.

What I liked most about this was the frantic tone of the poem. It left the reader with a desire to dash out to the stores, just to make sure everything was ready. LOL

Further Corrections & comments:

I was curious as to the why of this procrastination. You could add a couple of lines about that, if you wished. Procrastination, too much to do at work, sickness, never enough time .. .?

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!

Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp

Smiles,
S h a a r a

~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~

Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara

for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

316

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4180810

Review of Planetary Peace

Review by Shaara

In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer's Cramp Review

Happy, happy morning!

Your Prompt was:

Our local Christmas parade occurs today. Lots of children, dressed in reds and greens, will be pulling wagons full of wrapped packages bound for charities or for the homeless.

Marching bands, all decked out in military-like uniforms, but wearing bright red Santa hats, will be tooting horns and drumming a beat.

Horses will prance along, tossing their Christmas belled and garlanded necks with riders a top them, proud as new mother hens.

Floats, pulled by tractors or old-fashioned cars, will carry bouncy cheerleaders, waving children, and the town’s big shots – the mayor, the chief of police, and often an Elvis impersonator.

At the end of this long stream of sights will come Santa atop a siren-blasting fire-engine. His elf, with donkey ears in a brilliant green. Will toss small candies for the youngest spectators.

Write about your town’s (or city’s} Christmas parade.

Of course, fictional accounts, as in those parades taking place off-world, are welcome.

Yes, I could tell that this was a parade and the narrators were actually describing the hoverers, but . . .

What does a hoverer look like? What formed the displays? (Ie. The Rose Bowl Parade here in California requires floats to be made solely of flowers. seeds, and bark.)

I didn't see any spectators.

Once again it's all TELL. Show us what you see. That means -- provide SENSORY.

Example: One Rothom atop his hoverer glowed with iridescent feathers of crimson, ruby, and bright cherry red. He waved four of his three fingered hands, allowing the wind to fluff up the under layer of down, which spread the scent of crushed lilies in his wake. The female beside him wiggled her pointy top knot, producing the eerie sounded of the Rothom anthem.

Further Corrections & comments: I don't think even an alien race can harvest vestibules -- that's a hall or outer chamber.

Work in the history among such lines. For instance: "Here come the Rothoms, the first of the planets to join the league."
"Yeah, that's probably because they're known for their friendliness. Look at that huge smile on the female's face . . ."

Interesting concepts again. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!

Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp

Smiles,
S h a a r a

~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~

Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara

for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

317

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4180630

Review of SpacePort Conspiracy

Review by Shaara

In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...

Rated: E

| (3.5)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer's Cramp Review

Happy, happy morning!

Your Prompt was: So the airplane you were on landed a bit late, and you have to go to a different gate to catch your connecting flight. But the airport seems to be conspiring against you... write a story or poem about it.

Although you worked the prompt into a nice idea for a science fiction tale, you spent too much time TELLING. We don't need all that input. Give us the setting in one sentence, then move into the characters. Develop them, then SHOW the dilemma and how it's solved.

Further Corrections & comments:

The children didn't come across as children. A brother and sister don't usually get along so well, for one thing. How about a couple of jeering references -- the usual banter between siblings.

The ending made no sense to me. We had no context, no reason, no resolution. (Did the children make it to the wedding? Why didn't the mother want them there? Why, if she didn't want them there, didn't she simply not invite them? Why would she involve their father who you hinted was on the outs with her?

Good ideas, as always.

Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!

Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp

Smiles,
S h a a r a

~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~

Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara

for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

318

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4179194

Review of The Holiday Spectacular Nightmares

Review by Shaara

In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer's Cramp Review

Happy, happy morning!

Your Prompt was:

The Nutcracker Ballet has beautiful music, lovely dancing, and it often includes children getting their very first chance to perform . . . but, this particular ballet also displays a ferocious rat king and fierce battles against toothy mice.

Write a story or poem that includes a very scary nightmare that follows seeing The Nutcracker Ballet.

Ah, true horror. This went well beyond a nightmare. Poor kids.

Further Corrections & comments:Whenever a prompt goes somewhere you haven't been or experienced, simply look up the subject on the Internet. I've done that many times so I could write tales/poems about something I'm not acquainted.

This was certainly effective horror. I would not relish being eaten by rats/mice. Ghastly!

Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!

Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp

Smiles,
S h a a r a

~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~

Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara

for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

319

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4179011

Review of Solomon's Gold

Review by Shaara

In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer's Cramp Review

Happy, happy morning!

Your Prompt was:

One family member wants to go to a theme park. Another wants to visit the beach. Yet another has a desire for a cabin in the mountains. And someone else just wants to stay home and play video games. How do you reconcile this argument while keeping them together?

What I liked most about this was the resolution to this discord. That was awesome.

Further Corrections & comments:

The following sentence gave me a probably unintended chuckle: My youngest, Atari, sat composed on a brown ottoman with a wry smirk holding a red tablet. I've never seen a smirk able to hold onto a tablet. (Shame on me, but I'm still giggling.)

Although I enjoy your tongue and cheek and often times brilliant images, it was a bit too much at times. I would cut half of the the long strings of self-discourse. Here, especially, it seemed overly verbose: Yea, I longed for regal robes with spear-bearers bronzed in brawn. I required stately ken distilled through the ages, accentuated by Incan idols and picturesque temples. I necessitated the wealth of a cogent and sapient mind wherein all would breathe gladly with any sullen dogs freely unleashed. I needed Solomon’s gold.

My favorite: I was end-witted, in need of split-end conditioner for the whole of self.

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!

Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp

Smiles,
S h a a r a

~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~

Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara

for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

320

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4179010

Review of The Next Four Months Together

Review by Shaara

In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...

Rated: ASR

| (3.0)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer's Cramp Review

Happy, happy morning!

Your Prompt was:

One family member wants to go to a theme park. Another wants to visit the beach. Yet another has a desire for a cabin in the mountains. And someone else just wants to stay home and play video games. How do you reconcile this argument while keeping them together?

What I liked most about this was the emotional tug of the father relaying his tale of found love.

Further Corrections & comments: Too much TELLING. Example: All four kids got emotional hearing that. SHOW us: Oppale wiped a tear. Patric sniffled or groaned, etc.

I never SAW the characters. I have no idea their ages or what they look like. That makes it hard to relate. (We call that TALKING HEADS.)

Watch those tenses. It's hard to read when the flow is disrupted by TIME travel: All four kids got emotional hearing that. There’s not a dry eye in that room . . .

Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!

Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp

Smiles,
S h a a r a

~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~

Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara

for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

321

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4177642

Review of I Want My Snow Back

Review by Shaara

In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...

Rated: ASR

| (3.5)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer's Cramp Review

Happy, happy morning!

Your Prompt was:

The morning air has a new crispness. Coats are once again fashionable, along with mittens and scarves – although it’s still in the high seventies during the day.

Plastic snowmen are sprinkled about in our Southern California yards, and yesterday I heard the song, “I’m dreaming of a White Christmas . . . (although we’ll never have one of those.)

Write a story or poem about someone who has moved far away from the cold, but now pines for SNOW.

What I liked most about this was the idea that a new job forced a family to move. Even on an alien planet. LOL

Further Corrections & comments:

Again too much repetition.

Try counting the number of times you used look or its derivative. (Nine+)

Poilin had barely got into his house when Avica ran up to him – and hugged him. Avica had just gotten off the Communicator when he got home. She still had it in her hand. “I’ve got some good news.”/c}

Also, watch those incomplete sentences and tense switches.

Creative story, though.

Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!

Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp

Smiles,
S h a a r a

~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~

Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara

for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

322

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4177636

Review of I Pine for that Heavenly White

Review by Shaara

In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer's Cramp Review

Happy, happy morning!

Your Prompt was:

The morning air has a new crispness. Coats are once again fashionable, along with mittens and scarves – although it’s still in the high seventies during the day.

Plastic snowmen are sprinkled about in our Southern California yards, and yesterday I heard the song, “I’m dreaming of a White Christmas . . . (although we’ll never have one of those.)

Write a story or poem about someone who has moved far away from the cold, but now pines for SNOW.

What I liked most about this was the absolute wonderfulness of this poem. You managed to tell us your history, your desire, your current setting, all wrapped in an onion skin of delicious word play.

Further Corrections & comments:

Perfect.

Also, thanks for the definition of flocculent. I hadn't met that word yet.

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!

Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp

Smiles,
S h a a r a

~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~

Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara

for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

323

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4177632

Review of The Cab Ride

Review by Shaara

In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer's Cramp Review

Happy, happy morning!

Your Prompt was:

The morning air has a new crispness. Coats are once again fashionable, along with mittens and scarves – although it’s still in the high seventies during the day.

Plastic snowmen are sprinkled about in our Southern California yards, and yesterday I heard the song, “I’m dreaming of a White Christmas . . . (although we’ll never have one of those.)

Write a story or poem about someone who has moved far away from the cold, but now pines for SNOW.

What I liked most about this was the pleasant interlude with a new culture, location, couple. This was introspective and yet had enough conversation to move it forward.

Further Corrections & comments:

It did have a great deal of TELL. I wonder if you could have placed some of that into the conversation.

I loved the ending. How sweet.

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!

Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp

Smiles,
S h a a r a

~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~

Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara

for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

324

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4177430

Review of Two Days Amid the Sign of the Dollar

Review by Shaara

In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer's Cramp Review

Happy, happy morning!

Your Prompt was:

Here in the US, yesterday was Thanksgiving, and today is dubbed Black Friday, and retail stores are supposed to be quite busy. In continuance of the shopping theme, Monday has been called Cyber Monday. Of course, there can never be enough shopping, and we have two whole days in between, so for your story or poem tomorrow, come up with ideas for Gray Saturday and Credit Sunday.

What I liked most about this was that beautiful flow. Well done!

Further Corrections & comments:

I found this amusing due to its context/content. I especially appreciated the "inhale a breath of air to feel anew!" That's a good reminder because I can already feel the tension rising in the faces around me as everyone participates in the BUYING Gifts Marathon. LOL

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!

Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp

Smiles,
S h a a r a

~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~

Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara

for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

325

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4177428

Review of The Feast is Only the Beginning

Review by Shaara

In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...

Rated: E

| (3.5)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer's Cramp Review

Happy, happy morning!

Your Prompt was:

Here in the US, yesterday was Thanksgiving, and today is dubbed Black Friday, and retail stores are supposed to be quite busy. In continuance of the shopping theme, Monday has been called Cyber Monday. Of course, there can never be enough shopping, and we have two whole days in between, so for your story or poem tomorrow, come up with ideas for Gray Saturday and Credit Sunday.

What I liked most about this story was that you gave us a peek into the culture of a different world. Well done.

Further Corrections & comments:

At times I thought you time traveled a bit, having the students finish their papers while they were giving their speeches. Informing us that the students were reading their reports or giving their presentation would relieve that time vertigo:

Example: Robith had just finished (reading?) his paper on Red Day,

You still need to start each new conversation in a brand NEW paragraph, but I've told you that before. (Example: "You did a very good job with your paper." It's a convention that helps the reader NOT stumble in their reading.

Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!

Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp

Smiles,
S h a a r a

~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~

Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara

for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .