|A very interesting take on a very traumatic event. May I offer my 'take it or leave it' advice?
What do you think about deleting these few words: was, just, even - in the first two lines? Try it, see what you think, it's your baby.
In the sixth line, what if you eliminated the word 'there' and described the cloud? Angry? Soaring? Or a better two-syllable adjective?
In line seven you may wish to insert an apostrophe in the word its (s/be it's).
The reader wonders by the last two lines - what could possibly be different about coming back? The world could be different. But how would you be different? Physically, mentally, spiritually? You haven't given us enough information to fully understand why or how your prayer has meaning. It would make more sense if your prayer was to come back someday to a world opposite of the one you left. Please do not take my words the wrong way, this is simply how this reader interprets your work of art.
My favorite line - I would save the world if I knew how.
The wonderful piece makes us stop to think, to ponder and you've done an excellent job.
OnWords & UpWords
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