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Review Requests: OFF
631 Public Reviews Given
639 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, honest, sometimes blunt. If you don't want the truth don't ask me. I do try to be nice, but I will tell you what I think.
I'm good at...
I'll read your story and let you know how it makes me feel. I don't mind spending time providing details of what works or doesn't and provide suggestions for the author's consideration. Grammar is important but I'm not a real stickler. Spelling though, at least use spell check.
Favorite Genres
I'll read many genres if your story grabs me.
Least Favorite Item Types
Poetry, interactives.
I will not review...
I'll read most things. If I don't think I can, I'll let you know.
Public Reviews
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Review of Squirrel Survivor  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Angus!

Here I am. I know I didn't call first. I hope you don't mind!

Here is a lovely tail, erm tale about a squirrel (or most of one) running across a road.

It was very well done and fun, for me at least, but not the squirrel, I would think.

Seriously, this feels so right done in the style you chose ... blood red may have been a better colour choice though!

Another successful piece.

all the best,

simply
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Review of To My Dearest  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello simple spider!

I am reviewing your story: *PointRight* To My Dearest

I found this on the Request Reviews page.

Please know I am aware this is your story and your voice. Any suggestions are offered as food *Apple* for thought!

Story of a man trying to tell his wife/girlfriend why he loves her but is too blind to see that he's already done so!

*Reading* What I liked:

I like the whole thing. Thought it flowed well and was an enjoyable voyage into the dense minds of men. Ah when will they ever learn what women want! Very well done.


*Pencil* Technical Stuff:

I didn't find much to quibble about but this:

She is someone who cries for people she has never meet, who tries to do things because they are the right thing.

meet should be met

*QuestionG* Suggestions:

I'm not sure how this part was meant. Was the character being sarcastic or did he ask her to leave the dishes for him?

My mind feels like it's clogged with cement so I get up and wash the dishes. Sometimes it helps me think. She is nice enough to leave them out so I can do them late at night.


*Heart* Favourite bit:

Now this is real love:

No doubt she has read it. She loves going through my stuff, but I even like her nosiness. Below the "love letter" she has written me a little message, a critique of sorts.


SS, this was a lovely story. I thought it flowed well and all the way through I kept saying to myself, just send what you're saying to her you great thick ejit!! I hope that's what you were going for!

All the best,*Bird*

simply *Vignette5*

Write on!
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Review of The Bridge  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I know that the number of words was limiting, but as usual your imagination wasn't at all. Very well written and lots of fun.

I am lucky that I don't over think things and read 'em as they come, so to speak so I REALLY get to enjoy the twists at the end of stories. Maybe some people think that makes me dumb, but I prefer to be considered an innocent reader. I want the author to take me on a trip and as always Angus, it was a joyous ride!

You're terrific and so was The Bridge! Keep up the great work. I love finding new things from you.

All the best,

simply
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Review of Cold Winter  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow.

You had me there.

Dom was very real to me and your story was well thought out, with a great beginning, great tension and a terrific twist at the end.

Dom's constant questioning of everything and everyone (well almost) was well done and really helped with the tension in this as did the part where Dom stops worrying and enjoys his short lived 'up' moment.

Lots of misdirection in this as well ... getting us to focus on certain characters while never questioning the girl for a moment.

I didn't find much to nitpik about except these:

What the hell do the Reds have against decent beer? he would often wonder.

Consider:

What the hell do the Reds have agains decent beer, he would often wonder.

Dom moved quickly down a narrow hallway towards the room the sound came from. As he approached he could see it was the kitchen. Carefully he peered inside. Next to the stove stood a tall thin man with a greying beard and thick glasses.

While the space between kitchen and carefully doesn't appear here ... it does in your story and is just a formatting issue.

Whoever your with is not the real Ana. Its…”
Should be: you're


All in all a very good and entertaining story.

Thanks for the opportunity to read it.

All the best,

simply
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155
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello JTJoseph

I am reviewing your story: *PointRight* The Grim Reaper Comes For Me

Please know I am aware this is your story and your voice. Any suggestions are offered as food *Apple* for thought!

I'm not sure why the address is on this and why there is such a huge amount of white space before you actually find the beginning of the story.

*Reading* What I liked:

While some of this was 'well worn' and done before (not always a bad thing in my eyes) I thought you really had quite a good little tale here. But I didn't always feel that attached to the main character. She felt rather one dimensional to me.

I like the fact that the Reaper was going to take it upon himself to kill his victim. That's different.


*Pencil* Technical Stuff:

This would benefit from a good re-read, try outloud so you can actually hear it. Also some reformatting of the paragraphs would would make this easier to read.

I was distracted by the use of time, why does it take 45 minutes for a college girl to climb to the sixth floor of an apartment building. That's way too long.

*QuestionG* Suggestions:

Sometimes I felt 'too led by the hand'. For example the wooden door knob and the wooden door, the fabric couch, the white trash can. I thought sometimes there were too many adjectives used. My imagination was left with nothing to do.

I found the section about the Grim Reaper changing his mind because he rarely had the dead begging for a second chance, unbelievable because I'm pretty sure most of us would.

I'm afraid the end left me feeling a little flat.


*Heart* Favourite bit:

I was surprised and horrified, watching as the bone and the robe of The Grim Reaper quickly healed themselves. I silently opened a kitchen drawer as I reached behind me to grab another knife. I reached into the drawer to grab a sharp steak knife. Holding it tightly in front of me, I watched the figure starting to walk towards me again. I became more frightened, and screamed at the top of my lungs. “GET AWAY FROM ME, I CAN’T DIE NOW!” I yelled.

Keep on writing, there were lots of good ideas in this piece.

All the best,*Bird*

simply *Vignette5*

Write on!
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Review of The Silver Clock  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Hawthorne Silver!

I am reviewing your story: *PointRight* The Silver Clock

Please know I am aware this is your story and your voice. Any suggestions are offered as food *Apple* for thought!



*Reading* What I liked:

I thought this was a interesting story but to make it great it needs lots of work and editing. You have a great idea here which would be worth a 4.5 rating but I had to drop it to 3.5 because of the technical issues. Please consider the advice that myself and other reviewers have given and fix this up. It could be a terrific tale!

*Pencil* Technical Stuff:

Blue items need punctuation or re-wording. Red items are new, corrected or additional words or punctuation.

The afternoon was silent and everything was in place as Pauline sat silent on their sofa with a book in her hand, obviously she was reading. Her dark hair fell perfectly on her back and her wide blue eyes were examining every word there was on each page she was in. She was at home all alone as her Mama and Papa went (had gone) to the market to buy goods for supper and left their only daughter alone.
"where's your mama?" a voice said from the distance, Startled

See below:
*QuestionG* Suggestions:

To make this easier to read, I recommend that you consider reformatting with more breaks in the text and ensuring that capitals and periods are in place. If you need help with grammar this site has many articles you can take advantage of. Just type grammar into the search box at the top or most pages to find lots of information.


*Heart* Favourite bit:

"You know what this is?" Mrs.Connors said smiling as she approach her daughter. "That's your precious silver clock." Pauline answered. "This is not mine, this belongs to my mother's, and her mother's mother. A family heirloom as we say it." Mrs.Connors said now seated right beside Pauline. The silver clock was clearly old yet it was still working and was clearly well maintained. "My mother told me that as the silver clocks hits every second of our past, we change, and as it hits every second of our present, we change, and as it will continue to hit the seconds of our future, we will change yet it is up to us how we change cause we are our past, we are our present, and we will be our future



All the best,*Bird*

simply *Vignette5*

Write on!
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Review of The Walk  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Russ!

I am reviewing your story, The Walk.


*Reading* What I liked:

I liked the fact that you could make a walk interesting. Obviously you're British (sorry I couldn't be more specific about the region/country)


*Pencil* Technical Stuff:

There are issues with the punctuation for example:

“f***, f***, f*** !”, she spat vehemently s/b
"f***, f***, f***!" she spat vehementhly

"You ok, love ? Let me get that for you.”, he offered as he bent down and handed the box to her.

"You ok, love? Let me get that for you," he offered as he bent down and handed the box to her.

To polish this story, you need to go in and fix all the punctuation.

There are issue with your ellipses also. Here is your text:

“It's just...well, I get so frustrated you see ? Can't do much anymore....takes me hours to get a few bits in for tea...Jack's

Here is the same with corrections:

"Its' just ... well, I get so frustrated you see. Can't do much anymore ... takes me hours to get a few bits in for tea ... Jack's

when you use ... you should put a space then the dots then another space before the next word

*QuestionG* Suggestions:

Perhaps give the reader a bit of insight as to why Darrin needs to walk and why he's in so much pain. He seems nice enough and this information would make him a bit more interesting and help us understand him a bit more.


*Heart* Favourite bit:


The traffic was light, rush hour was over and he made his way through the small town suburbs more quickly than he expected, leaving wisps of breath like a steam train in his wake.

-this was a nice visual

Thank you for sharing your writing. I hope you find this review helpful.

All the best,

simply *Vignette5* write on!
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Review of Tournament  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Penny:

I have read your piece called Tournament. Please know that I realize this is your story and your voice. I offer suggestions as food for thought.


*Reading* What I liked:

I like the fact you wrote 100 words on the 100th day! This vignette was nicely written and flowed but there wasn't really enough to understand what is happening.

*Pencil* Technical Stuff:

It should be her home, too.

No comma is necessary after the word home.

*QuestionG* Suggestions:

No, this had to be her home, and he was intent to make it so.

Just a small issue with the word intent and this may be more effective as two sentences. Consider:

No, this had to be her home. It was his intent to make it so.
No, this had to be her home and he intended to make it so.
No, this had to be her home! He intended to make it so.


*Heart* Favourite bit:

The only part of her remaining was the bit of lace he held between his fingers.

This makes you really wonder what happened here.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review you small vignette!

All the best,

simply *Vignette5* write on!
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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Bird!

I read your essay Be True To Yourself. Welcome to WDC or writing.com. It's terrific to meet you.


I enjoyed reading your essay. I thought it was well written though I noticed a couple of minor things that could be improved. But generally I thought this was interesting, thoughtful and insightful. And I especially liked the bits of humour you threw in ... excellent.

You must love your husband very much to so readily accept what must have been a major change in your lifestyle. It's something very few of us can imagine going through. So I hope you'll share more of your insights into how this affected you and made you feel.

I've only had one dealing with some fellows from a motorcycle club, it was a well-known one here in Ontario Canada. A girlfriend and I were in a bar in Northern Ontario and she'd lost an earring. So here are two 20 something city girls crawling on the bar room floor looking for this earring. We run into 3 pairs of massive motorcycle boots, we look up and see three huge bearded, tattooed guys asking what we're doing. We tell them, then get on their knees and help us find it.

They were perfect gentlemen. They taught me to never judge a book by it's cover.


But I digress, now then on to technical issues:

Don't ask my why, but girls just seem to love "bad" boys > my should be me.

You don't need to leave so much space between paragraphs.

Try not to repeat a term too often, in this case 'random woman'.

See not too much wrong at all!

Please keep writing, and let me know when you post, I'd love to read more. I think our society is too judgmental, there is good in 99% of all people and you can help dispel some of that by telling us about your world.

Thanks so much for letting me read this Bird.

All the best,


simply
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Review of The Blue Envelope  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello aks!

I read and am reviewing your story, The Blue Envelope.

This a story about the unrequited love a teenage boy has for his teacher.

Please know that I offer the following suggestions and corrections as food for thought.

I am completely aware that this is your work and your voice!

*Reading* What I liked:

I thought this story was well written and thoughts and reactions were that of a teenage boy in love with his teacher.

*Pencil* Technical Stuff: There were a few problems, especially with the ellipses and some punctuation. I'll show your work in blue and the correction in green:

ofdiffused glow

Should be: of diffused glow


a beautiful shine on her face and a smile on mine .A smile that would be ruined by the day’s end……….
A punctuation problem: ... a smile on mine. A smile that would


A smile that would be ruined by the day’s end……….

Ellipses should only be three dots and there should be a space before and after the ellipses and if necessary appropriate punctuation at the end, like this:

A smile that would be ruined by the day's end .... < so here are the ellipses and the period to end the sentence.

I reasoned myself out,

Based on the next line, I think the formatting here needs fixing and the sentence is clunky. Consider:


I reasoned it out, "Why after an array of 135 deep and heart stringing letters did Miss Narayan give a reply now? Or was it even a reply. Surely it wasn’t. She had maintained her (what some may call) dignity (I call it brutal rigidity) and not broken her silence once then why now?”

But half of my concentration was still on the envelope .After an hour
Spacing and punctuation need correcting.

Well what can I say…………………………………………… I study out of grief!
Try: Well what can I say? ... I study out of grief.


The problem was ………………..it was harder!
Try: The problem was ... it was harder!


Who am I kidding, of course she won’t, she is just too perfect to……………

Consider: Who am I kidding? Of course she won't, she is just to perfect to ....

*QuestionG* Suggestions:

Even though I had not read it, it was affecting me, that too way deep down.

This is a bit clunky, consider:
Even though I had not read it, it was affecting me deep down.


That was an exhilarating sample of the aura that Miss Narayan carried about her. The very aura that made me call her “Miss Narayan”.


You could make this flow better why re-wording slightly. Consider:
There was an exhilarating aura that Miss Narayan had. It was that aura (or: that very aura)that made me call her Miss Narayan.


Miss Narayan was not a very proud and haughty girl.

Is she a girl? That sounds rather sexist and wrong. I think you can do without calling her that. Consider:

Miss Narayan was neither very proud or haughty. Or
Miss Narayan was not very proud or haughty.

I noted you have referred to her as a girl in several places, if you choose to change one, ensure that you edit all of these references.


*Heart* Favourite bit:

But she was a very hard nut to crack and perhaps the most difficult. After sending her 135 emails, not a single reply.

That was shattering for a fifteen year old.

This part was well said, and also true. The young male ego is easy to shatter and the adult in this situation needs to take the lead not sweep it under the rug.


I certainly hope that you keep on writing. This piece had a lot of heart and soul and will be terrific if you correct the minor errors and polish it up!

All the best,

simply *Vignette5* write on!
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Review of The Egg  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Tasia714!

I read your story The Egg.

I really enjoyed it. I think if you gave us a little more information about why Jack is mean/ a bully and maybe what he's really like it would help the reader have more feeling for him, whether good or bad.

Your spelling and grammar needs a bit of work, as you have explained in your bio. That's okay, if you have a computer try writing in Word. Then you can save your work in more than one place and you can use the spell and grammar check.

But the story itself is well done, very imaginative and has a beginning, middle and end. I thought is was fun, funny and well thought out.

I hope you keep on writing.

All the best,

simply write on!
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Review of LISTENING POST  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Christian Powers!

I read your story, Listening Post. I usually have issue with stories like this where a woman is the main character. Not be cause she's a woman but because they are usually portrayed as men in women's clothing. Meaning that what makes them women is missing.

I liked Dana, she was strong and intelligent but I still felt she was a woman. I think you did that very well. She was afraid but fought it and did the needful. She was not hysterical but she needed to cry. As a woman myself, I felt close to her and could relate.

I thought your Odin was also well done. He was just what you'd think he should be. I liked his pauses, and the fact that he realized later that Dana could be right and he wasn't. Odin was great.

The story itself was interesting and made sense. There was enough background but not more detail than was needed. I don't need to be led step by step, I like to be nudged in the right direction, which is what you did.

The enemy space bug, was really well done and I think would be off-putting to most of us. So many people do not like bugs, so your choice here was excellent. A bug that just replicated into more bugs ... ugh!!!

I don't think anything was missing here and I truly enjoyed this and think you're on to something.

Thank you for the opportunity to read this piece. Excellent work.

All the best,

simply
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Review of April Winds  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Prosperous Snow!

I read your poem April Winds and truly enjoyed it. I'm not a massive poetry fan, but I liked this. I especially liked the fact that you included information about the form at the bottom. This was interesting to me because my knowledge of poetry forms is just about nil.

Once I read the information you provided I went back and counted the syllables -- I didn't think that it wouldn't be right, but I just wanted to do it on my own! It helped me to understand why you might have chosen certain words to make this work.

All that said, I found the images very vivid and could see the messy results of the April winds and was shivering by the end.

Thank you very much for sharing this.

All the best,

simply
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Review of What once was  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Mrwriter!

I read your story, What once was.

You did a good job showing us this couples feelings for each other. We could tell they were really close and in love with each other.

I'm afraid the ending didn't do a lot for me. It was just too much of a slap in the face for my personal tastes (only my opinion and food for thought).

I was really confused by the sister being so upset.

Maybe if there had been some foreshadowing that William liked horses and maybe Jake didn't .... Why does Jake blame himself ... what did he do?

Any way if you choose to make changes, I'll be happy to read it again!


Keep on writing. All the best,

simply
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Review of Pro-Gay Rights  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Marc!

Not so sure about this being a review, but I did find your topic interesting and important. I think your points are valid.

Frankly when i read about what happened in California, I was very surprised at the outcome. I truly (and obviously incorrectly) thought that the people there were more forward thinking. I am a straight Canadian woman, but I believe that gays/lesbians have the right to live and love and marry just like I do. Who am I to decide what is best for you?

I work for a major bank here and I personally know managers that are gay, in some case their partners also work for us! The gays/lesbians here have a support group within the bank to help anyone who needs their help or a safe place to land so to speak. The bank helps to fund this group like they do any others.

Quite honestly as I sit and write this I feel rather odd. Somehow it doesn't feel right to me to even have to say these things about gays/lesbians. I know it's necessary to help foster acceptance and understanding. But I still find it extremely sad that we even have to do it in this day and age. I'd have thought by now, people might have learned to just live together.

I'm sorry it isn't that way.

Thanks again for an excellent essay. I hope people will read and open their minds.

All the best

simply
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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Rufus:

I thought I'd drop by to read something of yours, since you've been so kind to visit me!

I had to think about this one. Not that I didn't like it because I did. I thought the writing was very good and that this little story flowed well. Didn't notice anything clunky and no horrible grammar problems, that I'd manage to notice!! Not my strongest suit.


No, I had to think about this to wonder if I could feel it. Seems a bit excessive to bring the wind and destroy a house and your man because he wasn't into your cat. That said, cat lovers can be fierce! And well a pissed off woman can be a force to reckon with.

There I've talked myself into feelin' it!!

Thanks for posting this Rufus, it was a fun read.


All the best,

simply
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Review of My Demons  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Lobovoraz! Thanks for posting this. I am happy to offer the follow review. I hope it's helpful.


*Reading* What I liked: I liked the descriptions of the demons. I thought that you described them well, I could feel their ugliness and feel their presence.


*Pencil* Technical Stuff: Nothing glaring that I could see.


*QuestionG* Suggestions: Just a little thing.

I could not see his face but for a wide hat on his head.

*Heart* Loved that you chose to embrace your Anger...excellent.

All the best,

simply *Vignette5*
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Review of IF ONLY...  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Joy:

This is just wonderful. Short and sweet and fun.

Thanks for the opportunity to read it!!

All the best,

simply *Vignette5*
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Review of Trick or Tweet  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Tom Buck:

Wow. Just holy-wow, Tom Buck. This was so cooool. A great read, lots of imagination and you've incorporated ideas we're talking about in today's world. And how many sci fi stories have come true a few years after they have been written? Ideas that become reality.

All I can say other than what I've already said is, I hope that you're wrong.

Thanks so much for a very entertaining read.

All the best,

simply *Vignette5*
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Review of Permeation  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Elemenopy:

Loved this piece, brilliantly written and loved the style. Didn't expect or suspect the ending when I first started to read it. But it's so interesting and well done that you MUST read it all...and be pulled into the the madness.

Thanks for the opportunity to read it.

all the best


simply *Vignette5*
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Review of When I Die  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Opit:

Thanks for sharing this, it seems like an opinion rather than a short story, however, I thought this was well written.

Your thoughts are presented well and your proof was evident. I think your argument is persuasive. I'm not sure it's what I think, but like I say it's persuasive.

Thank you for sharing, it's food for thought.

All the best,

simply
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Review of Indebted  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello strlcuckoo:

Thank you for sharing this. I don't know a lot about poetry technically.

I thought this was a nice poem. It's a lovely way to thank your parents for what they did for you. And yeah, you're right, it's a debt that none of can repay.

Thanks for sharing this.

All the best,
simply
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Review of Ocean Boy  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello writerpenman:

It's me I admit, but I normally don't 'get' a lot of poetry. But I got this and enjoyed it. Your description of the water, waves, and the sand castle construction and ultimate destruction were great. I could hear the ocean, smell the salt water and hear the children's laughter.

I'm afraid I don't have a lot of constructive criticism to offer as I don't know a lot about the technical side of poetry, but I can tell you that I liked this very much.

Thanks for the opportunity to read your work.

All the best,

simply
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Review of The Sound  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Tom.

Thank you for sharing this terrific story. I enjoyed it. I felt main character was well fleshed out and he felt real to me. I liked him. I thought this flowed well and it was amusing. If felt like an I Love Lucy episode with all the physical comedy, mess and trouble. Your descriptions brought the words to life, as they say, it was easy to picture everything in my head.

I'm going to have a look see at your other offerings in the near future.

Thanks again for a fun read.

All the best,

simply
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Review of Greatness  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello Ianie drows: Thank you for the opportunity to read this offering. I like the idea here and I think I understand what you are trying to tell me. Though I find it a shade too vague, for me. Now I don't think that you need to slap me in the face with the details but as I was reading I felt I had to re-read because I thought I must have missed something. For example, I have no idea what he did or said to Mrs. Potts to shake her up so.

Skipping to the end, I don't really know how I ended up here witness to the electric chair (I am assuming that's what is happening), there just seems to be too many details I have to fill in on my own.

I hope this is somewhat helpful. I think that this can really work and I look forward to reading more.

Thank you again.

simply
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