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Kids are so sweet with their innocent eyes and hearts. The love between the sisters is felt and so is the fun times they share. This was sweet and comedic as well. Keep Writing.
I really like how you you portrayed the waitress as a wise person. Too often people think they're bimbos. When people are tired or hungry they let their guard down and who hears there stuff?
The waitress. She's an unpaid psychologist. Great visualization. I could see everything and especially the baked goods under the glass. Thanks for the great read.
This was great. It sets a lonesome and melodic mood. The transitional portions of the piece were accomplished smoothly. Well-constructed and the pace was good.
Although I don't really like twangy country music, I felt drawn to read the piece and I'm glad I did. Keep writing.
This was magnificent! I adore the use of metaphors.especially ones about cleaning.
The well-chosen words have made a huge impact in the short length of piece. It seemed as if the pace and flow was very similar to the agitation of the wash cycle as well. Was this intentional ?, for if it was it sheer genius! A marvelous work and I loved it.
Many a heartbroken woman has walked the widows walk. Homes built along the shoreline with rooftop balconies to lend unimpeded views of the sea. Nicknamed "widows walks" for obvious reasons. Closure is not readily available to the survivors of the victims lost at sea. Even harder if it is a mate or worse, one's child.
You have set of mood of anticipation that changed to grief and despair. You have done a beautiful job.
Very descriptive, vivid and moving. Infused with many egyptian terms but not sounding clich'e. Nicely done. Keep Writing. InkWellspring66 @writing.com.
Kimarie
A dark horse carries the message. Starvation percieved through the recoiling of onlookers. Intelligent, dark. and grotesquely eloquent. I usually prefer to be engrossed in comedic or romantic fare and the ocassional venture into the dark side is a timid attempt on my part . There I usually read of death in a user-friendly format . No user-friendly format here. It is first person and desolate and there is no comfort in sight. Although not mentioned , I envision the clay colored masses, rough-hewn graves, and the fragile survivors clinging nearby. Doctors, nurses, journalists self-protecting or now de-sensitized seem callous and cold and almost a plague in themselves. This work left me breathless. I bow to the dark rider that ruled your pen.
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