I truly loved this bit of prose. Our family has always been of the cat persuasion. Everything you describe is true to a word. For any cat lover, this is a delightful piece. I have some favorite lines, but the last sentence is fantastic. Wonderful work.
A nice intro to fall, Don. I too love this season. When my pals and I were young chaps we were most often in the woods with rifles and shotguns in hand. You brought me back to some great old memories. Thank you. I really appreciated your work.
Alright, Barney. Welcome to the community. I hope you will stay around and show us what you have tucked away in your imagination. If you love to write, this is the place to be. There is none better.
I like this short work. I always appreciate poems or prose that leave nothing to be figured out by the reader. Works like this one get right to the point.
Now, Barney, I am still pondering on the last line of this piece, "Who made death toyful." My two cents worth would suggest finding another rhyme with joyful since "toyful isn't a real word. It may be that you end up reconstructing the last stanza. However, if that's what you need to do... You might be surprised what you can come up with.
Great job, Robert. Answering that call to war is one of mans most noble endeavors. And yet, our young warriors are all but forgotten after the fighting is done.
I appreciate your work on this piece. It is a fitting tribute to our soldiers, past and present.
Great writing, J.A. I think this fast-paced story delivers what it promises. There is no belaboring of the story and no extraneous filler. The reader begins to immediately feel what is going to happen even though the suspense of uncertainty is always present.
Hello, sad. I wouldn't say that your poetry is crappy. Bad, yes, but not crappy. I'm just kidding. I truly like this little piece of work. And I should welcome you to the club of those who appreciate depressing things. It's a bigger group than you think.
This poem is a straight shooter. It says what the author feels from the heart. When you write from the very gut you cannot go wrong. But don't try to feel what isn't there. Only write the truth of what you are feeling.
This is well done, Sorji. It reads easily and clearly. The only thing I would have liked is a little more explanation of who these people are. You describe things about them but never identify them or their enemies. And what is the stone you are talking about? These are a couple of things I was thinking about.
Dave, I appreciate the message your poem conveyed, but you're going to kill me with poem tech. I know what I like. I write what I hear in my head, but I don't know the first thing about the technical aspects of it all. I can't say I'm at all excited about the studying I have to do.
A very nice piece. Some of it reminded me of my mother. Thanks for the great read.
This is a nice read, Rob. And that is coming from one who doesn't generally read non-fiction of any genre. Your story moves along nicely and builds in anticipation of what the ending will be. Nice job, Rob.
There are things that I would consider if I were you. First, the plot of this piece has been much overused for a long time by many writers. It's the idea that some sort of monster has to be appeased in order to protect a group of people. Second, it is unclear as to what happens to those they take. Are they eaten? How do you explain how Mitch thought he recognized his parents in the faces of the creatures?
Alright, having said all of that, let me say that I did enjoy the story. I simply believe that it needs a little fleshing out and possibly a unique twist that the reader doesn't expect.
Please take this advice with a grain of salt. If you like your story the way it is, then, by all means, leave it alone. I'm just doing my job by encouraging you to do your best work.
I enjoyed reading this one, Harry. I only wish you hadn't propagated the myth that Satan can acquire our soul. This life is not the ground of a contest between Satan and God. Satan only moves as he is allowed by divine will.
This is a nice read. It will stir theological debate for those conversant with such. As always, a well-written piece.
Strangely enough, I have been a member of this community for a while but have never fully taken advantage of all the wisdom extant in Writing. com 101. Now that I have begun to peruse all that is available I am truly impressed with the wide verity of truly great tools for the writer's toolbox. You have really done a wonderful job on this site. I have only begun to plumb the depths of the great work that you have done.
Hello again, beautiful lady. I happened to be looking through my favorites and thought I would give you a visit. I am not usually one who reads fictional stories. However, I am an amateur historian so the time period and subject attracted my attention. Let's see what we have here.
Let me begin by saying that you write very well. I see that this particular piece had garnered you awards and excellent ratings. I almost passed it by, figuring that I could add little to what others had already said. I didn't pass, however, so here are my two cents.
Your story is very well paced. You built up the potential of tension and revelation, and I gradually began to be interested in what would happen to the characters. That is a sign of good writing. The characters are well developed.
I commend you on this piece that could hold a non-story reader like myself. Most excellent.
As Louisiana boys, we can take a certain pleasure in those sights you describe. When I was a young man it was always about hunting and camping in the woods. I think we lived for those adventures. Now that I am older I treasure those freewheeling days of unposted land and the freedom it afforded a bunch of city boys. These days I live in the outer burbs. Whenever I hear a flock of Canada Geese flying high in a moonlit sky it takes me back.
Seeing a Racoon or possum strolling through my backyard is always a treat. I love when the Robins arrive in town. You can tell the time of year by their arrival.
Thanks for writing this piece. It's good to hear from a fellow Louisianian.
Hello, Harry. I was going through my favorites list and decided to visit your port. The Well of Malevolence caught my eye.
Whenever you begin to discuss race within any collective setting you a bound to get many opinions. I feel that your poem spoke clearly to the subject in that race hatred is often passed down through the generations. It has been this way since the first slaves were brought to these shores, and I am certain that it will continue with no foreseeable abatement. I will admit to you, Harry, that I am somewhat of a racist - to use the word incorrectly - myself. Events of the last few years with a most divisive black president, black lives matter hooligans and others have tainted my view. These bad apples have done much to contaminate the barrel. At the same time, I have a number of black friends. All that is going on in the nation causes personal internal dissonance. What a mess.
Well done. I was a pastor for thirty years and I can only imagine what I would have said if I suspected that there spies in the congregation. I think this pastor handled it very well. I don't know, but I can imagine that such will soon be the case if it isn't already.
Well done, Bedrock. This is a type of short that draws the reader in and holds their attention. I consider this piece to be completely unique because of the novel twist at the end. Excellent.
Hello, Christopher. I decided to revisit writers listed in my favorites and picked you to start.
Now, this is a very interesting poem. The second time I read it I found more to appreciate. I really like this piece. It is very straightforward and to the point, but has a lot to say in a short space. The line 'new sparks in old flames is great, as well as 'Lighting darkness in the day' Excellent!
It's not a bad little poem, really. It just needs someone to love it, sort of like Charlie Browns Christmass tree. Actually, this piece grew on me the more I thought about it. That is not to say that it is in its perfect form. I believe that it can be even better if you are brave enough to take the scalpel to it in a place or two. Carefully go through and check the cadence and word use. For example, you use you and yours throughout the entirety of the piece, but then use 'my' in the third to last line. I think that may break the reader's rhythm. Just a thought to take with a grain of salt. My favorite lines are, "As time passes, everything dies, from red flowers to shining stars" There is something powerful in those lines.
Well, there you have my two cents worth. Consider my suggestions or not. It's your work. I would hardly try to tell a poet how to express his poetry. But, keep up the poetry. I think you are on to something. e-smile
Crow
Hi there, Sunflower. I completely understand your passion about this subject. But going over the list of notables makes me wonder and worry at the same time. It seems that every decade has its got to have malady. I remember when Fibromyalgia was all the rage. It seemed like everybody you met had it in one form or another. There could have been a song entitled, 'I was fibromyalgic before fibromyalgia was cool' Please do not misunderstand me. I believe that Bipolar disease is real as far as they can test for it. But I hope that it doesn't become one of the must-have problems to excuse away all else. You certainly understand how the medical profession loves to attach labels to things when they really don't know what's going on.
Well, Sunflower, you have gone through a lot and could go through more in the future. Mental illness is no respecter of persons. There are, no doubt, thousands that experience mental anguish and are never diagnosed. I guess you could say that you are one of the fortunate ones. Although such illness continues to carry a certain amount of stigma, it isn't anything like it used to be. I believe that you have been blessed with the ability to put your story to paper. Keep doing that even when things get a little rough. You may never know how many people you have helped. Never stop writing.
I enjoyed reading your story. Keep working on your craft.
Good morning, Winnie. This story had me fooled to the very end, and even for a few seconds afterward. When it hit me I couldn't stop laughing. It is the perfect example of bait and switch. It's definitely going in the favorites list as is its author. This is my first review of the day. Thanks for pumping me up with some positive endorphins.
Well, Captain. Aren't you a pretty young lady to be writing such scary quatrains following English iambic tetrameter and rhyming scheme aabb, etc. As you might have guessed, I have very little idea of what any of that means, except for the etc. part. But for those who know, by all means, let them do. I'm more of a meat and potatoes writer.
Putting all silly banter aside, let me say that I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece of work. I am a very atmospheric type of guy and I needed one of those beaked masks for the dripping miasma. A simply wonderful job and another perfect score.
Hello, Raven. Welcome to Writing.com. I notice that this piece has already received perfect ratings. You may wonder where you go from here? I guess you could just keep being perfect. That would be nice if it were possible.
I must say that I can appreciate this particular work. Some of us have a lot to overcome in our lives. But, as you said, we just continue to try. Writing is the way we do it, and cheaper than therapy. Keep on writing and sharing your talent and you will be fine.
Well, G.A., I don't usually read fictional stories but yours caught my attention. I must say that I am highly impressed. This should be made into a short for TV. I really enjoyed reading it. watch out, Stephen King. Excellent writing. Form and pace are well executed. Look forward to seeing more of your work.
Crow
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