Now, let me get this straight, Neva. Aside from being a most prolific poet and following your particular faith, do you also have the same beliefs about the circle of life that General George Patton held? I want to clear that up for myself.
A very interesting poem. I have been attempting to get a handle on the universe for decades. Having said that, how is the cosmos doing?
As an amateur historian, I truly appreciated this piece. I love the line "Spoils inhumed under the soil where slain." How many would truly never be seen again? This is excellent work.
Well, Prieten, it sounds like a difficult battle indeed. But, there is one thing you should know about David's fight with Goliath. David did not appear to be afraid as were the soldiers of Israel. He ran toward the roar of Goliath, believing that he had the greater power on his side. David was not arrogant, but humble. He trusted in one greater than himself. If you see yourself as David doing battle with your own Goliath, you must do the same.
This was a poem from the heart, given in hope that it might help someone else. I believe it will. You did a fine job.
Hello, Ray. I was looking through the genres and notice your work. What really caught my eye was the inclusion of a dybbuk into your story. Some time ago my granddaughter and I watched a movie entitled 'The Possession' in which a dybbuk was the central theme. The movie instantly became one of our favorites. I had never heard of a dybbuk before that time, but I have been interested in this Jewish concept ever since.
I enjoyed your story very much. It seemed to be about the perfect length and the pace worked well for my reading style I do have one question for you, however. Are you saying the dybbuk and the dead father are one and the same? Since a dybbuk is the spirit of a dead person and malicious in nature, that would seem to line up with the father.
Well, all in all, I thought your story to be well scripted. Well done.
Let me see here, I have experienced the mind's chatter and the dangerous thoughts colliding with common sense. These occur very often, and just when I am trying to sleep. I don't drink coffee, so I really can't speak to that.
I like this little poem. It speaks to writers and their commonly shared insanity, at least of a sort. Well done. Thanks for this slice of writer's pie.
Very nice and simple poem, Chris. Don't get me wrong, for simplicity is very good. Many poets believe that their poems must be cast in the enigmatic in order to be considered worthy of the poet's art. I could not disagree more. What good is poetry that readers have to decipher?
I appreciate the subject matter and the consistent rhyme pattern. Very well done.
Hello, Jen. I'm returning the favor of your recent review of one of my works. My plan is to look at several of your works, this was the first to catch my eye. From all indications, this is a true condition of your life. It sounds as though it can be difficult at times. However, you are most correct in one observation; your writing has great cathartic value for yourself and others.
This present revelation is very honest and revealing. I know how it feels to believe that if you don't hold on tight to some well-grounded object, you will simply slip away into what you do not know. And you are again correct that as writers we must bleed upon the page in order that others might learn and take encouragement from what we experience.
It seems, these days, that people are coming out of the woodwork with revelations of their battle with mental illness. I personally have dealt with depression for decades before it was cool to do so. But, who knows if most people are not dealing with mental demons in one way or another. I believe that many of these celebrities are following the current trends in their claims of mental issues. Of course, some are genuine.
Well, my friend, hold on to what is good in your life and focus any negative energy through your writing talent. It's not all bad. Get out in the sunshine and take a walk. And, by all means, talk to those pooches. They have the ability to offer great solace.
This is a great poem. Life from a pair of boots perspective, that is unique. When I read the last stanza I suddenly thought that we could be those boots. Heaven knows that I often feel just like those old boots. Slumping in the mudroom of life, shivering, and waiting for warm solace.
All I can say is, well done. A beautiful tribute to things we never consider.
Well, Dan, who is a freshman in high school, this is a very nice piece of work indeed. When I was your age I too was writing poetry. I love horror as well, but this business about you writing romance, well, stick with the horror.
Great job, Dan. You get five big purple stars for this excellent piece.
Come on, SeanFear, don't you think it time that we spruced up the portfolio? Some pictures would really grab the attention. We can call it 'Fall maintenance'
As far as this poem goes, I really liked it. Of course, I have an affinity for crows. The last stanza is beautiful. Well done on this unique piece.
Over the years I have developed a zero tolerance toward motivational speakers. They come in every stripe, hawking their wares for a considerable price, all to the nieve and gullible who will gladly pay to be fleeced.
But there is another nefarious soldier of the vampire class even more despicable, those who sell The Christ. With an insatiable thirst for gain, they have taker the Gordon Gecko mantra that greed is good to their very heart and have roamed through the land spreading their insidious seeds wherever they go.
And so, you are correct, Ruth. Jesus is not a formula to be mastered for making gold from lead. Begin to spread that message and you will greatly benefit the Kingdom of God. Well done.
It would hardly seem necessary for me to review this piece since so many have done so already. Even so, I will throw in my two cents and say that this is excellent. The most important aspect of this work is found in its personal nature. It comes from your heart as every line plainly reveals.
Overall, I would say that this work is well written and genuine. Any suggestions I might give would be purely a matter of personal taste. Saying that we will leave well enough alone.
Hello, Sinbad. I was strolling through the halls, and, being a philosopher at heart, your piece caught my interest.
I'll admit that I had to read it a couple of times to make sure I was clear on your thought process. I'm certain that if I read it a couple more times, I would gain an even greater appreciation for it. I did like it very much.
This one thing I would suggest, and that would be a little closer attention to your editing process. I noticed a few words that didn't fit in the context. This is not a big deal except that it causes spurts and stops like an engine running poorly. Correct this problem, and your message will flow smoothly.
Overall, I hold none of these issues against you, as they are easily corrected. You did an excellent job of sharing your mind with us.
Greetings, Harry. This poem was simply great. You had me going for a while. I thought that this person has a definite problem.
I was delighted with the ending because I can totally relate, or, at least my dog can. He probably feels the same way when we leave the house. He seems to know when we are about to leave. He assumes a somewhat depressed body language.
Your poem was well-written and clever. I always appreciate your work.
Of course, what you say is true. As they say, the devil is in the details. When you think of all the things that wouldn't work if they one centimeter to the right or left, it is quite amazing.
Hello, Cy. I wanted to return the favor of reading some of your work. I just happen to choose 'What Would it Take?' The overall thought of this poem is good, but there are things that you should consider. From what I can see, punctuation is almost wholly lacking. Some writers get the idea that they can forego such tedious a thing as a period. I believe that doing such is the beginning of a bad habit. I did notice that some of your sentences are long, so that could explain part of a lack of punctuation. Also, it is not old school to use I instead of i; it's just the right thing to do. And use true rhymes and not words that only sound the same.
Don't get me wrong, Cy, I did enjoy the poem. It's just that I would have enjoyed it more had certain common rules been adhered to.
Don't you just hate it when perfect strangers start picking your work apart? I know, for I have been picked apart by the best. I can honestly say that they did me a service. I hope you will receive my words in the spirit they are given. The question is: do you want to be a good writer or an excellent one?
A very nice remembrance of your sister. You have my heartfelt condolences as I lost my sister many years ago. There will always be a part of our hearts missing.
This work is very clever and imaginative. 'like a couple of eggs on a yellow day', how great is that? To say the least, I really enjoyed the read. I'm sure there is a technical name for this style of prose. What is it?
This piece is absolute magic. It is one of the cleverest stories I have read on Writing.com. I must say, I grew rather fond of Nanaji's cockroach. If you're going to have a cockroach around, Nanaji's would be my choice.
This story was very clever and well written. I didn't notice any problems with spelling or grammar. Overall, a job very well done.
May I call this a very cool bit of prose? This piece is one of those that sits quietly and then leaves you a pleasant surprise at the end. As I was reading, I wondered about the wisdom of a woman making such an offer to a total stranger. Now I see that the roles are reversed in a way I hadn't figured. You may think, could this be a quaint love story? It was in a twisted sort of way.
I enjoyed your work very much. It was well written and cleverly accoutred.
I realize this is an older piece, but it did appeal to me when I read the title. Should I say that I love it? Well, I do. Perfect simplicity, and that is always my cup of tea. Great job, my friend. Look to hear more from me soon.
Hello, inkwell. This a very simple poem that does its best work by clearly conveying the message of the author. You see, simple and straightforward is always the best form to embrace. In this piece there no ambiguity. Your poem says exactly what it intends to say without becoming an esoteric piece of abstract art that only the author can understand.
The only things I might mention are unnecessary commas, but that is always open to personal taste. Overall, this was a great job and pleasing to read.
With My Compliments,
Crow
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