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257 Public Reviews Given
257 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Original Sin  
Review by Teerich - 2019
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ken, I haven't been on here for months, and then the Quills led me to your portfolio and this. This is what Writing is all about.

Thank you!
2
2
Review of Dried Flowers  
Review by Teerich - 2019
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A powerful poem my friend.
3
3
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is a creditable start to your blog. I like the way your mind works. I'm presuming that Sir Trevor is a cat. He sounds just supercilious enough not to be a dog.

Your first entry shows promise. Keep it up.

If you need inspiration, I recommend joining

"Blog City Prompt Forum"  or

"Blogging Circle of Friends Prompt Forum" 

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4
4
Review of Haiku Of Color  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Geoff,

I just wanted to say that I love your multiple haiku. It is so evocative of the way that the sky throbs with colour. Your word pictures are excellent.

You are spot on with the form, too.

A beautifully crafted piece of writing which is lyrical and rhythmic when read aloud.

It was a pleasure to read it.

Thank you

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5
5
for entry "Misc. Haiku and Tanka" 
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Geoff

These haiku and tanka really resonate with me. I love the brevity and discipline of the form. I find these particularly thought-provoking.

I write in this form myself, from time to time. I find it helps me to tighten up my poetry in other forms.

There is such beauty in it's simplicity.

I particularly like 'Tonight'. It really speaks to my soul.

Thank you for sharing.

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6
6
Review of Poetry Terms  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi there, Joy
An Anniversary Review for Baratheon

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for "Game of Thrones" 

*Smile*teerich here.

Today I am reviewing your quiz, "Poetry Terms" 

I was looking through your portfolio for something different to review.
This quiz caught my attention, and I thought I would try it out.
I am a self-taught poet with no formal training.
I have been expanding my knowledge base over the past 12 months.
I wonder if my knowledge of poetry is enough to answer the questions.

*Check3* Capturing interest/establishing pace

There is an attractive cover photograph which is eye-catching.
I love the photograph of the bowl of flowers in the body of the quiz.
The header gives the reader useful information about the quiz.

The quiz is set out clearly with easy to understand instructions.
There are ten questions in the quiz, which can be different each time you do it.
This means that you are learning as you go along.

*Checkr* User-friendliness

I took the quiz several times to test its ease of use.
It was quite straightforward to do.
All you have to do is tick the answer that you think is right.

I like the fact that the questions change each time.
It makes the quiz more of a challenge to do.

*Check4* Presentation

The quiz is presented in an easily read format.
The language used in the questions is unambiguous.
The feedback is immediate.
The correct answers are given after you have submitted your answers.

*Checkr* Overall impression

I thoroughly enjoyed answering the questions in the quiz.
It is fun to do, and tests knowledge of poetry terms well.
I think doing it several times would help a person to improve.
It certainly helped me as there were several terms of which I was unsure.

It is a privilege to read and review your work.

I hope my comments are of use to you.

sincerely,

Terri

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7
7
Review of The Jesus Lizard  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi there, Nixie Martell cheerleader

*Horseshoe* A Review for Baratheon *Horseshoe*

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This an Ally Raid Review

for "Game of Thrones" 

*Smile* I'm teerich.

It is my honour to read and review your work. Use whatever you can and send the rest fluttering off into the ether for another day

Today I am reviewing your non-fiction piece on pets, "The Jesus Lizard" 

*Check3* Capturing interest/establishing pace

I was going through your port and the picture of the lizard caught my eye. I am very found of reptiles and this little fella looks so cute.

I wonder about the title since I have never heard of this lizard before. I don't have to read far to find out why he is called the Jesus Lizard, or to find out what is in store for you, if you are foolish enough to give in to the pressure and buy one.

*Check5* Characterisation

Your description of the relationship between yourself and your son is hilarious. I can empathise with the difficulties of resisting that pleading look when they want something. We mothers are suckers for those big eyes. We never seem to learn how to stay away from trouble in that department.

*Checkr* Dialogue

The dialogue is set out in the traditional manner, with a new line taken for each new person who speaks. This makes it easy to decide who is talking at any one time. I like the way that your speech links add to the narrative along and help to move it along.

*Check3* Description/place/time/mood

The action takes place over a period of time as the drama of owning and feeding a reptile which eats other animals unfolds. I admire your forbearance in dealing with this gruesome task. The superb crafting of this piece is commendable. The black humour is well-described.

*Check4* Presentation

The narrative is presented in short paragraphs and interspersed with punchy short reported speech. This makes it very user-friendly. It sounds like there may be one or two more stories to be reported in the future if your son has his way.

*Checkr* Overall impression

I love the black humour and descriptions, which bring this incident to life in all its gory detail. It is immensely readable and very enjoyable. I found myself chuckling repeatedly as I read through it.

Thank you so much for writing this. It is a privilege to read and review such an entertaining item.

sincerely,

Terri

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8
8
Review of Love and romance  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there, Joe Haydon

I see that you are a Newbie.
*Balloon1* Welcome to the WDC World! *Balloon1*
I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

This is a Review from House Baratheon.

for "GoT" 

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*Smile* I'm Teerich - 2019 .

Today I am reviewing your poem,

"Love and romance" 

which I found when I hit the 'Read and Review' Button.

*Checkg* Personal Impression

The item appears to be a poem although this is not stated in the header.
It is a reaction to the trite commercialisation of Love/Romance, particularly on St Valentine's Day.

*Check2* Tone & Mood

The header suggests that the poem will be in an angry tone.
This is not the case. It is a sensitive comparison between two concepts.

The mood is upbeat and evocative.

*Check4* Rhyme, Form & Flow

The poem is presented in unrhymed free verse.
The lines are of widely differing lengths.
*Idea*
I would suggest that some of the longer lines could be broken up.
There are potential natural breaks in them when it is read aloud.
I feel that line breaking at these points could heighten the emotion in the poem.

*Checkr* Emotional Impact

I loved the passion that came through.
The imagery used resonated with me.

I particularly like the phrase at the end of line 2.
'the electric charge between two people that sparks on contact.'
However, I feel that it should be on a separate line.

*Check5* Grammar/Punctuation

This aspect is fine except for one minor typo.
There should be a space before the dash, as well as the one you have after it.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your work.

I hope you find my suggestions useful.

sincerely,

Terri

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9
9
Review of Lucastia  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there, Pemi

I see that you are one of our Newbies.

*Balloon3* Welcome to WDC. *Balloon3*

I hope you have a fab time with us.

This is a Review from House Baratheon

for "GoT" 

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*Smile* I'm teerich.

It is my honour to read your work.
Use whatever you wish and send the rest off into the ether for another day.

Today I am reviewing your short story draft,

"Lucastia " 

which came up when I hit the random review button.

*Check3* Capturing interest/establishing pace

I like the Steampunk genre, so this appealed to me.
Your strapline piqued my interest.

The opening few sentences are intriguing.
I wonder why the houses are floating in the sky.

The story moves along sharply.

*Check5* Characterisation

The characters develop as the story unfolds.

There is a wealth of detail into the storyteller's family members.

*Checkr* Dialogue

Dialogue is appropriate to the characters.
*Idea*
However, I would suggest that it is separated from the body of the story.
Taking a new line for each speaker makes it easier to follow who is speaking.

*Check3* Description/place/time/mood

The story is written from a 1st person viewpoint.
The narrator is telling the story of an eventful incident in the past tense.

There is an air of excitement as a life-change is related.

*Check4* Presentation

The story is set out in paragraphs.
However, the mass of text makes following the story more difficult.
*Idea*
I would suggest leaving one line space between paragraphs.
*Idea*
Also, some of the paragraphs are rather long.
I would suggest breaking them into shorter paragraphs.
For example, in paragraph 3, line 4:
'the goats. They were easier to care for. We only have a few of them.[New Paragraph] Then there was my younger brother,'
*Idea*
There are a number of typos which need to be corrected.
For example: 'pad pat my head'
Spell-checking will find most typos, but not all of them! *Smile*
*Idea*
There are some grammar issues which need addressed.
For example, in line 1, final paragraph: 'my mother and father has [this should be either 'have' or 'had']been silent all the way

*Checkr* Overall impression

I love this account of an exciting episode which brings momentous changes to the life of the main character.
There is ample scope here to develop the storyline.

sincerely,

Terri

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
10
10
Review of Happiness  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there, Smee

This is an Anniversary Review from Baratheon

for "GoT" 

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*Smile* teerich here once more to review another one of your excellent items.

I decided to delve a little further back in your port for this one.
Today I am reviewing your short story, "Happiness" 
I find this little blast from the past (2009) has great appeal.

I note that you edited this story earlier this year.

*Check3* Capturing interest/establishing pace

The blurb states that this is a response to a picture prompt.
I feel that the addition of the prompt picture would have been beneficial.
There is no indication other than the title and genre to guide the casual browser.
In the absence of the prompt picture, perhaps some small pointer could be added.

*Check5* Characterisation

The story is told from a first person viewpoint.
I think that the main character is a nameless woman,
(but one can never be too sure of that these days).
Her character is slowly revealed as the story progresses.

The secondary character is her husband, also nameless.
His character is lovingly drawn by the narrator.

*Checkr* Dialogue

The narration is the internal monologue of the main character.
There is no actual dialogue.

*Check3* Description/place/time/mood

The narrator sets the scene in great detail.
She remembers driving with her husband at speed down a highway.
The action takes place some time in the past.

The memories are sweet but are tinged with an overwhelming feeling of regret.
It is a cautionary tale which counsels capturing every moment of happiness while you can.

*Check4* Presentation

The story is set out in paragraphs with one line between each.
The paragraphs are skilfully structured.
A new paragraph is taken when a new idea occurs.
This makes the story easy to follow.

*Checkr* Overall impression

This is a beautifully written and moving love story.
It has a twist in the tail which is hinted at in the introduction.

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

I hope my remarks are of use to you.

sincerely,

Terri

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
11
11
Review of My Muse and I  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there, Smee

This is Anniversary Review from Baratheon

for "GoT" 

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*Smile* I'm teerich, here again to review another of the items in your port.

Today I am reviewing your survey,

"My Muse and I" .

I found it while browsing your port and thought I would give it a go.

*Check3* Capturing interest

The cover graphic is eye-catching and attractive.
The strapline is informative.
The idea of doing a survey on my muse intrigues me.
Like many other writers, I believe my muse to be an important part of my craft.

*Check5* Introduction

The introduction is clear and concise.
It postulates an interesting dichotomy between the nature of our muses.
It encourages the reader to explore their own muse.

I think of my muse as an integral part of my personality.

*Checkr* Ease of use

The survey is simple to use, just click on your choice.
Each question gives a selection of alternative answers.
There is also the option to put in an alternative of your own.

The questions are unambiguous.
The language is polite and fosters co-operation

*Check4* Presentation

The survey is set out as 6 questions.
Each question requires one answer to be selected.
There is a final box for additional information to be given.

*Checkr* Overall impression

I find that this survey is a little bit of fun.
It makes me more aware of the essential essence of my muse,
and what she means to me. For example, she now has a name.

This survey was only created one week ago,
so I did not expect to see any results for it when I hit <Submit Survey>.
This was, indeed, the case.
I am eager to see what will happen when the results are collated.

Thank you for allowing me to read, respond to, and review this charming survey.
Feel free to use or ignore my remarks.

sincerely,

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12
12
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there, Smee

This is An Anniversary Review from House Baratheon

for "GoT" 

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*Smile* teerich here. Today I am reviewing your poem, "In honour of Spock" .

I went into your port and I could not pass this poem by.
I am a life long Trekkie and have been watching it from the very beginning.
Spock is my favourite character.
I love his deadpan delivery and the way he interacts with Captain Kirk.
*Checkg* Personal Impression

The cover picture and description give the reader all the info they need.
I note that this poem was a contest entry, and hope that it did well.

*Check2* Tone & Mood

The poem encapsulates the well-loved language,
and logic, of the half-human Spock.
His composure and calmness was a bulwark to Kirk in times of danger.
His loyalty unquestioned and true.

I remember all those phrases, down through the years.
They were even immortalised in a hit record.

*Check4* Rhyme, Form & Flow

The poem is presented in ten quatrains.
Each quatrain has a rhyme scheme of 'abcb'.
The rhymes scheme is well-maintained.
Rhymes arise naturally and are very apt.

There is a smart beat and rhythm to the poem.
This helps it to move along well.
I could almost hear this in my head as a song.


*Checkr* Emotional Impact

This jocular reprise created a nostalgic glow.

I think that this poem is a great tribute to the Leonard Nimoy,
who portrayed what I believe to be one of the pivotal Star Trek characters.
Even in his later portrayals of an older Spock, Nimoy shone.

I heartily endorse the sentiments in the final stanza!

I have no special favourite line as I loved them all.


*Check5* Grammar/Punctuation

There are no apparent issues with either grammar or punctuation.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your work.

I hope you find my comments useful.

sincerely,

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13
13
Review of Autumn  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: E | (4.0)

This is A Review from House Baratheon

for "GoT" 

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*Smile* I'm teerich.

Today I am reviewing your poem,
"Autumn" 
which I found when I hit the random review button.

It is a pleasure to read and review your work.
I hope my remarks are useful to you.

*Checkg* Personal Impression

I was happy to see that this was a poem as I write poetry myself.

The title and heading tell the reader all they need to know about the poem.
The poem extols the beauty of Autumn.

*Check2* Tone & Mood

At first the mood seems rather sombre, with the mention of tears.
The final line of the first stanza seems to suggest and air of mystery.

*Check4* Rhyme, Form & Flow

The poem is written in 4 stanzas, with four lines each.

Each stanza consists of 2 rhyming couplets.
However, some of the rhymes seem a little forced.

One or two of the lines are quite puzzling.
'hand shaped sticks' and 'winged frog food'

The penultimate line seems a little stilted.

There is a pleasing rhythm which helps the poem to flow smoothly.

*Checkr* Emotional Impact

This is a pleasant poem on a topic which speaks to me.
I love this season and the vibrancy of the colours of autumn leaves.

I particularly like the following line.
Let shredded leaves blow in my way


*Check5* Grammar/Punctuation

The tenses throughout the poem are consistent.

There is minimal punctuation, which does not detract from the poem.

*Check3* Poetry Devices noticed and used effectively

The rhyming couplets are largely effective.

There is a pleasing rhythm to throughout.

Thank you for allowing me to review your work. I hope you find my comments useful.

sincerely,

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
14
14
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there, Amalie Cantor - We Got This!

This is WDC 2nd Anniversary Review for Baratheon for "Game of Thrones" 
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*Smile* My name is teerich.

I hope you are enjoying your WDC Anniversary.

It is an honour to read your work. Use whatever you can and send the rest fluttering off into the ether for another day.

Today I am reviewing your fantasy short story, "That the Blind Might See" .
I found it when I was browsing your portfolio.

*Check3*
The cover picture catches the eye.
I love glass and crystals of any kind, but especially green.

The full details give the reader all the information they need.
The title is intriguing and, I love reading fantasy stories.

I note that it was an entry for Flash Fiction.
I hope it was well received.

The opening paragraph sets a dramatic scene.
The story moves forward to the conclusion at a smart pace.

*Check5*
Bindi is a plucky warrior sprite.
The narrative reveals more facets of her personality as the story unfolds.

Her quarry, Skie, is one of the Unseeing, another race of beings in Bindi's world.
She doesn't appear to be as blind to reality as the rest of her race.

*Checkr*
The dialogue is clearly set out within speech marks.
It uses the tradition format of separating each person's speech.
This makes it easy to determine who is speaking.

The language used by the characters is apt and believable.

*Check3*
The narrative sets the scene well.
Bindi has been observing Skie for several weeks before deciding to act.
Her apprehension at the course of action she has chosen is palpable.

The unfolding story is beautifully crafted.
The final outcome is positive for both Bindi and Skie.

The ending is open-ended.
What will happen now, I wonder?

*Check4* Presentation
The story is presented in clear, relatively short paragraphs.
The traditional practice of leaving a single line between paragraphs is observed.

There are no discernible issues with either grammar or punctuation.

*Checkr*
I thoroughly enjoyed this opening gambit in what I am hoping is a continuing story.

It is a pleasure and a privilege to read and review such work.
I hope my remarks are of use to you.

sincerely,

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15
15
Review of Crystal's Charms  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there, Dave

This is part of A Group Raid for House Baratheon for "GoT" 

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*Smile* teerich here.

It is a privilege to read and review your work.
I hope my remarks are useful to you.

Today I am reviewing your prose poem, "Crystal's Charms" 

*Checkg*
Your cover graphic is attractive and eye-catching.
The item header tells the reader all they need to know.
At the bottom of the page, you include a brief description of the form, with a link to a reference for it.

The item appealed to me as I write poetry and have been experimenting with poetic prose.

*Check2*
It paints a picture of a lively young woman full of optimism.

It continues in a poetic vein, using wonderful similes and metaphors to describe the feelings and sensations of the drug induced fantasy to which she succumbs.

The mood gradually descends into despair. A dark ending indeed for a life which began with such promise.

*Check4*
The poetic prose is expertly crafted.
The piece uses a wide variety of poetic devices and imagery to express the slow, inevitable slide into oblivion

It is difficult to pick out any one poetic device used effectively, as there are so many of them.

However, I particularly liked 'my fiancee stepped aboard a plush magic carpet' to describe the effects of Crystal Meth.

*Checkr*
The moving tale leads the reader from an initial, bright beginning into the depths of drug addiction.

The effective artistry of the author propels the reader into the psychedelic mind of the addict.

The heart-rending potency of the final paragraph would ring tears from a stone.

The photo at the bottom of the piece illustrates the confusion and fear that the addict experiences.

*Check5*
There are no apparent issues regarding Grammar and Punctuation.

Thank you for allowing me the privilege of reading and reviewing this prose poem.
I hope you find my comments useful.

sincerely,

Terri
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
16
16
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there, Dave

This is a Group Raid Review for Baratheon for "Game of Thrones" 

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*Smile* teerich here.

It is an honour to read your work.
Use whatever you can and send the rest fluttering off into the ether for another day.

Today I am reviewing your essay, "Me Uncle Packy's Wicker Sofa" 

*Check3*
I am choosing this because I was looking for something in your port that was not poetry, and this intrigued me.
It is described as a 'potential submission' for a competition. I wonder if it ever got submitted.

The first paragraph hooks me in even further.

It moves on apace with the joy and humour of a fond remembrance of an idyllic summer in the youth of the narrator.
This resonates with my own memories of a summer in the 1950's spent with my dear Uncle Harry and his family in their old country cottage down the Ards Peninsula in Northern Ireland. There was no electricity or running water. One of my jobs was to trim the wicks of the old brass Tilley lamps. There were 4 adults and 5 children squeezed into a very small space but we had a wonderful summer that year.

*Check5*
The anecdotal style is relaxed and easy to read.
The impression I get is of an loving grandparent telling a story from their past to a young grandchild.

The vocabulary is rich and highly descriptive.

His word pictures of his Uncle Packy and his Navy past, his Aunt Selena and the old sofa are beautifully evocative, and stir so many echoes in my own past.

Each word is carefully chosen to convey the emotion of the past.

*Checkr*
The whole tribute is written in a conversational tone.
It uses a consistent, believable dialectic speech pattern.

*Check4*
The essay is presented in short paragraphs.
These are set out in a traditional layout with a line space between each one.
There were no apparent issues with either punctuation or grammar.
*Checkr* Overall impression
"Me Uncle Packy's Wicker Sofa"  is an expertly crafted essay which has great appeal.
I would not change a single word.

It is a privilege to be able to read and review such an emotive essay.

Many thanks.
sincerely,
Terri
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
17
17
Review of Hail Britannia  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi there, Oldwarrior

*BalloonR* This is a review from the *Heart* *BalloonR*

My name is Teerich - 2019

I am a writer just like you. I am not here to judge you.
Please bear in mind that anything I say is just my humble opinion.

*Reading* *Reading* *Reading* *Reading* *Reading*
It is my honour to read your work.
Use whatever you can and send the rest fluttering off into the ether for another day.

I am reviewing your story, "Hail Britannia"  today as I found it when browsing your portfolio.

*Check3*
Your title appeals to me.
I belong to a Latin Language and Culture Study Group
We looked at Boudica from the Romans point of view in one of the texts we were using.

I like the cover that you had used.

*Check5*
I like the way you told the story
from the first person point of view of Heanua,
one of the daughters of the Great Icini Queen, Boudica.

The narrative is believable.

*Checkr*
There is a minimal amount of dialogue.
The majority of it is in the first paragraph.

*Idea*
I feel that it would have more impact if the dialogue
from the grand-daughter was separated from that of Heanua.

Also, you might want to check the placing of your speech marks
in the following extract if you are leaving it the way it is.

'...Where do you start from?” How did we become free? My simple answer...'

*Check3*
The narrative is an fictional account of how Boudica
defeated the Romans in the First Century BC.

It makes interesting reading.

It moves smartly along.

*Check4*
The story is well-presented in traditional paragraph format.
There were no apparent punctuation or grammar issues.

*Checkr*
This is a good account of the story of Boudica.
It has a wealth of historical detail from the time, which seems accurate.


Thank you for allowing me to review your work. I hope you find my comments useful.

sincerely,

Terri

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18
18
Review of The Weather King  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi 🌕 HuntersMoon

I love your snappy poem about the groundhog. I didn't know all this about groundhogs until I read everyone's blog. fascinating stuff.

Your poem has a consistent rhyme scheme and moves along smartly. Phil gives the impression of being quite a learned groundhog with a sophisticated vocabulary, *Laugh*

Certainly up to your usual standard.

Cheers

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19
19
Review by Teerich - 2019
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi kim

📰 I found this listed in the Newsletter for Authors: 'How to use detail... '

👌 It is a useful reminder to authors to 'show not tell', and extends that advice in a comprehensive, considered and helpful way. It gives invaluable pointers to and examples of ways to avoid repetition and make our writing more interesting. ✅

✌️ I certainly take that on board in my work, and will be book-marking it for future reference.

I love all the extra links, which I will be exploring. ✅

A great list! Many thanks 👏👏👏

👍 Terri


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20
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Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there, 🌕 HuntersMoon

Teerich - 2019 here.

I just thought I would fire off a quick review for your Flash Fiction story, "A Rose by Any Other Name ..." .

The cover and opening lines set the scene well. I wondered how it would play out. I was not disappointed.

The characterisation was accomplished and believable.

Dialogue was snappy and apposite.

The story appeared to be about a man picking up a hooker on the street.

It seemed to be moving along predictable lines:
'A knife blade flashed in the dimness.'
But there was a delicious twist in the tale.

No spoilers, though. I won't give the details here.

I loved this. It was really good story told in very few words. Well done!

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21
21
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi there, Elizabeth

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

My name is Teerich - 2019

I am a writer just like you. I am not here to judge you.
Please bear in mind that anything I say is just my humble opinion.

*Reading* *Reading* *Reading* *Reading* *Reading*
It is my honour to read your work.
Use whatever you can and send the rest fluttering off into the ether for another day.

I am reviewing "The Players of Luminesco Chapter One"  today as part of the New Year Newbies Review Raid.
I found your name on "Noticing Newbies"

Capturing interest/establishing pace
*Check3*
The Title and strap line intrigued me.
I wanted to find out what the story was about.
*Idea**Idea**Idea**Idea**Idea*
The addition of an cover image would make the item stand out in the listings.
*Check3*
The story is written from 1st person viewpoint. in the present tense.
The tension in the opening paragraph piques interest.
I am eager to read on.
*Check3*
The narrative moves smartly, setting the backstory.

Characterisation
*Check5*
The main character is Niccola Parici, a member of a troupe of strolling players.
They live a clandestine life, for all entertainment has been outlawed by invaders in their land.
Niccola is a singer in the troupe, and comes across as a believable character.
She introduces us to the other characters with short, adept words.

Dialogue
*Checkr*
Dialogue is clearly separated from the main text.
A new line is taken for each new person speaking.

However, I feel that there are too many 'he says/I say' comments.
The narrative makes these unnecessary.
*Idea**Idea**Idea**Idea**Idea*
'“Not bad , .” he says to me glancing up and tossing Christiano glances up and tosses his dark brown curls out of his eyes

'“Yes, the turnout was good , .” I say quickly. I smile at him in reassurance.

'“How are we looking tonight? They seemed a fair audience,” says Nadia, bouncing bounces over with Marigold on her sleeve. Nadia She is a cheerful girl, a...'

These sort of changes will make the action more immediate and will fit in with the present tense used at the beginning.

Description/place/time/mood
*Check3*
The action takes place during the hours of darkness out in the countryside.
The troupe are wary, because of the regime they live under.
The members of one of their fellow troupes have recently been hanged when they were caught performing.
The narrative sets the edgy atmosphere well.
'...even when every body hung still, the eerie hum of music continued.'
'Perhaps you would not notice it, seeing only the velvet blackness of the dome above, but to me, the sky is a timekeeper and herald of danger.'

Presentation
*Check4*
The work is presented in clear short paragraphs which make it easy to read.
*Check4*
There were no obvious grammar or punctuation issues.

Overall impression
*Checkr*
The chapter is well constructed and sets the scene for what has the potential to be a cracking story.


Thank you for allowing me to review your work.
I hope you find my comments useful, and that you enjoy your time here on WDC.


sincerely,

Terri
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22
22
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there, Kvetha

My name is Teerich - 2019

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

I am a writer just like you.
I am not here to judge you.
Please bear in mind that anything I say is just my humble opinion.

*Reading* *Reading* *Reading* *Reading* *Reading*
It is my honour to read your work.
Use whatever you can and send the rest fluttering off into the ether for another day

I am reviewing your poem, "The Mind in the Story"  today as part of The New Year Newbies Review Raid.
I found your poem on the Newbies Review Forum.

*Delight* *Delight* *Delight*
*Burstg* Initial Impression

Your heading gives the reader a hint about the content of your poem.
I wanted to read what you had to say.

*Burstp* Tone & Mood

The tone of the poem is upbeat and encouraging.
The mood is very positive and uplifting.

*Burstbl* Rhyme, Form & Flow

The poem is Free Verse and written in rhyming couplets.
The rhymes are generally well-chosen, however one or two seem a little forced.
eg: 'sage' and 'mage' look like they rhyme, but don't.

I like the repetition of the word Freedom in the first 4 couplets.
It emphasises the importance of all the Freedoms you mention.

There is no set line length, however, it has a strong beat when read aloud.
It has a rousing rhythm which carries the reader along at a cracking pace.

Some of the word order seems a bit forced.
'and dungeons are, with danger fraught'

*Burstr* Emotional Impact

I like the optimistic charm of this poem.


*Burstv* Grammar/Punctuation

There were no obvious problems with these aspects.



Thank you so much for allowing me the privilege of reading your work
I hope my remarks are of use to you.


sincerely,

teerich

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23
23
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi there, 🌕 HuntersMoon

I clicked on your link in the Newsfeed and was profoundly moved by "Day Twelve - I Believe" .

The video you posted for your final selection in "Soundtrackers - 12 Days of Christmas"  took me back to when the song was first released and I felt mild nostalgia. Then final scene clinched it for me; tears welled up.

I scrolled down and read your poem. It was expertly crafted. Every stanza hit home. Each rhyme flowed naturally. Thank you so much for the privilege of reading your wonderful tribute to the military.

I said a silent prayer for all those soldiers who serve faithfully and endure privation and separation from their families to keep us safe.
May God keep them safe and return them to their families unharmed.


*Ornament3s* *Ornament4v* *Ornament3g* *Ornament2y* Wishing You a Merry Christmas and a Prosperous New Year *Ornament1b* *Ornament2r* *Ornament3s* *Ornament2b*

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24
24
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Your poem "Soundtrackers - 12 Days of Christmas"  profoundly moved me, 🌕 HuntersMoon , especially as it is accompanied by such a beautifully played piece of music.

It was a timely reminder of the origin of Santa Claus. We should all take a leaf out of St Nick's book, not just at Christmas, but all through the year.

The perfection of your poetry is a joy to behold.

Thank you for sharing.

Pax vobiscum

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25
25
Review of Nonsense  
Review by Teerich - 2019
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there, C. Door }

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I found this listed in the Comedy Animals Newsletter and I have to say I was delighted that I had clicked on the link.

I simply adore a good nonsense poem, and this was very good.

Your play on words and rhymes is audacious. My tongue was veritably twisting as I tried to read it. It made me fairly chuckle with all those frogs and frogues, trogs and toads.

I love the tongue in cheek vibe that you have achieved here. Well done! Keep up the good work.

Laughter is the best medicine and it is easy to take as well.

Cheers

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