Words Whirling Round's (tgifisher77) Reviews

Review Requests: OFF
284 Public Reviews Given
284 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Every word we put to paper comes from someone else. We learn from parents, teachers, books, movies, idle conversations - our entire life becomes our source material. The only thing that's original and unique is our choice of how we put the words together. To be 100% honest, we'd have to credit the Dictionary, Thesaurus, and Google for every poem and story. I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me! Only the author can take credit for the final words, no matter what the source.
I'm good at...
My co-workers used to call me a 'typo savant'. Apparently, I read letter by letter instead of word by word. This is both a gift and a curse. I am often distracted by a typo when I should just move on in the story.
Favorite Genres
Science Fiction, Horror, Fantasy, Mystery
Least Favorite Genres
I'm not a big fan of romance writing.
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Short Stories
Public Reviews
101
101

Review of Hiss Of The Snake  

Rated: E | (4.0)
MojaveMajik

I came across your poem at Read & Review and enjoyed reading it.

There are many evocative images here that illustrate the tension between what we want, what we need and which is the best choice.

I do find some nits to pick (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

In these lines:

         Look with your souls eyes
         See past the angels glow

you may have confused plural and possessive, but it's a poem so your choice is ultimately correct.

In this line:

         I will know not to look a the pretty face.

you may have meant 'at' instead of 'a'.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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102
102

Review of His Chair  

Rated: E | (4.5)
Travellinda,

I found your poem on Read & Review and enjoyed it very much.

This is a touching tribute to someone whom you obviously loved very much. The poem is well written with a spare structure that is well-suited to the subject.

I don't really find anything to critique.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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103
103

Review of My Friend  

Rated: E | (5.0)
Dave,

I came across your poem on Read & Review and really enjoyed it. I hadn't heard of the Eintou form, so I learned something new as well. It seems to my untrained eye that you've successfully captured the form while my ear hears you saying something worthwhile.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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104
104

Review of Radiating Romance  

Rated: E | (4.5)
Lou,

I came across this poem on Read & Review and really liked it. It's short but says everything that's needed to capture a special feeling. I like the line "Even the mud and puddles / somehow feel right."

Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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105
105

Review of The Stars  

Rated: E | (4.0)
minhhquannn,

This is a good piece of reflective writing. I think you could easily expand on this theme.

Yes, I've wondered whether all the stars that we see here and now are still burning bright. Some of them may have already gone dark but we won't know that for another billion years.

My nits to pick:

maybe 'poses no difference to void' should be 'poses no difference from void'?

maybe 'forgotten to fill it is' should be 'forgotten to fill it in'?

Of course, this is your work so your choice is always correct. *Smile*

Keep writing!


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106
106

Review of Chocolate Lover’s Feast  

Rated: E | (4.5)
Prosperous Snow,

I found this in Read & Review and enjoyed it very much. I hadn't heard this form before, so I also learned something new. I like your images and the phrase 'echoes of Eden' pairs well with 'sinfully rich'.

My only nit is the 's' on 'Beckons'. 'Beckon' sounds better to my ear. Of course, it's your poem so your choice is always correct. *Smile*

Thanks for sharing!


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107
107

Review of Circles of light  

Rated: E | (4.0)
WordAddict,

This is a nice ode to a day in the woods. I could see the dappled tree trunks and the lush undergrowth illuminated by a distant sun. I like the comparison of bioluminescence in darkness with flashes of sun in dimness.

There is one line that doesn't sound quite right to me:

         each tree, bark, leaf, gravel sparkles in shimmer

Each is singular and gravel is plural, so 'each . . . gravel' doesn't sound right to my ear. Of course, it's your poem, so your choice is ultimately correct. *Smile*

Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


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108
108

Review of Felini's Beanie  

Rated: E | (5.0)
Sharkdaddy,

Groan! *Laugh*

Well done, sir! The groan is my salute to your excellent limerick. The meter is good, the rhymes work well, and I'm impressed by the cover image. Your alliterative usage of 'la' provides a fun flow in the final line and ties in the image perfectly.

I don't find anything to critique.

Keep 'em coming!



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109
109

Review of An Ode To My Generation  

Rated: E | (5.0)
Miranda,

I've seen you popping up on the site a lot recently, so I thought I'd take a look. BTW, thanks for showing an interest my posts! *Smile*

I like this poem a lot. There are some strong images here, I especially like 'Our words are thinly veiled knives'. I agree that you are the dreamers, but you are also the dreams of those who came before and came up short.

Your hopeful tone is balanced nicely with the recognition of difficulties ahead. Keep in mind that history is cyclical, not linear. We progress by two steps forward and one step back (although it seems like three steps back right now). Evil exists to be overcome and there's always another evil waiting in the wings. Take satisfaction in the struggle more than in the victory.

Oh well, please forgive the pontificating . . .

Keep writing and stay positive,


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110
110

Review of Resignation  

Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Diane,

Good job on torching a not so good job. Talk about burning your bridges! I got several good laughs out of this piece.

Seriously, this is well written and a lot of it rings true for those who have experienced the corporate cubicle nightmare.

I once spent a couple of hours distributing my obsolete business cards among dozens of file folders in multiple filing cabinets. I'm sure they remembered me for years afterward!

I don't really find anything here to critique, so again, well done!

Keep writing,


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111
111

Review of From Missoula with Love (15 lines)  

Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Kåre,

Well done!

I enjoyed reading this one. It gave me a smile, especially the first verse. I especially like: 'bought tickets for Hilo to hula'. That line has a great rhythm to it. Your structure and rhymes are all very good. The coffee/Kona juxtaposition is cleverly done.

The only line that tripped me up was: 'with stiletto at hand'. I don't associate stiletto with bread knife? But maybe I'm missing your point. *Smile*

Full disclosure, I had to click on anything from Missoula. I grew up near Flathead Lake and we visit our daughter in Missoula every summer. Then I saw the subject of your poem and laughed out loud. My wife just received a refund for her canceled trip to Hawaii that had been scheduled for last April.

Regards,


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112
112

Review of Masterpiece  

Rated: E | (4.5)
JMariah,

A cute scene, perhaps it will become part of a larger story some day? I thought you did a good job of capturing the five year old 'vibe'. The imagery is clear and vivid. I think it's just right for this piece.

Your technical aspects of spelling, grammar, and punctuation are good. I did find one little nit to pick: "hair away from eyes" should probably be "hair away from her eyes".

Keep writing!


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113
113

Review of Wild Cat  

Rated: E | (4.0)
Jatog,

Nicely done. You've captured the essence of the older wooden coaster rides and the emotional swings that we felt while riding. There are some strong images here and a number of good lines. I especially liked 'till intensity’s ride was done'. The third and sixth verses don't match the structure of the other four, but that's a minor nit from someone who's slightly OCD. *Smile*

Keep writing!


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114
114

Review of A Route Untraveled  

Rated: E | (4.0)
Oddman,

Welcome to WDC!

This is a nice little meditative piece. I like the idea and your images flow well. Your technical aspects of grammar, spelling, and punctuation are mostly good.

I have two suggestions:

The phrase "comes on the way" seems awkward to me as a reader. I can't say whether it's right or wrong, just that it doesn't flow as well as the rest of your piece.

The sentence "Then proceed your day to day bulls*** works." seems to be missing a word, maybe "proceed with" would be more clear?

Keep writing!


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115
115

Review of The Dance Of Dis  

Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Angus,

An interesting and entertaining piece that brought me a smile. I learned a little something with some rhythm and rhyme to accompany the lesson. There are a couple of rough spots, but the meter works well in most of your lines. Most of the rhymes are organic and flow with the subject matter.

Overall, a good poem.

Keep writing!


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116
116

Review of Mr. Gray  

Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Flip,

I like your story a lot. It's a good premise and you've handled it well. There are some great images here and the dialogue sounds natural to my ear. There are a couple of rough spots, but the grammar and punctuation are good overall.

Keep writing!


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117
117

Review of Swan Lake  

Rated: E | (4.0)
Aritsou,

I like your images and the way the words flow down the page. My poetic preferences lean towards traditional rhyme and meter, but I enjoyed reading this one.

One suggestion: If the first line "Swan Lake" is intended as the title, then it might be better to underline or put it in bold to set it off from the body of the poem? If it's intentional, then never mind this nit.

Keep writing!

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118
118

Review of Trivial Pursuits  

Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Sophy,

Nicely done! I like the way you've used the physical layout on the page to show the interplay between your characters. This is a scene that is all too familiar, yet also timeless. You've done a good job of capturing both points of view and you've provided a hint that 'green' applies to more than just a finger.

Regards,

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119
119

Review of A MANLY THING?  

Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Nicely done! I very much enjoy this sort of thing, putting an old joke into a fresh form. Your rhymes and meter work well for me. The images are great and the story flows well.

I have only two tiny nits to pick. A colon might work better after 'boasted drunken dude'. Also, I wonder if 'was . . piqued' sounds better than 'has . . piqued'.

Overall, it's very good and I applaud your wit.


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120
120

Review of Fun facts with the great Dr. Seuss  

Rated: E | (5.0)
Nice piece with a lot of interesting facts about our favorite author! I enjoyed learning more about his background, and the questions from and about the various books are a nice touch. I taught my preschool age kids how to read with the help of the good doctor and they surprised their teachers when they went off to kindergarten. You could add something about his political cartoons, but they are definitely not intended for children!

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121
121

Review of The Struggle  

Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Congratulations! This is very well written.

I don't always agree with the judging in the poetry contests, but I have to agree that this one deserves the prize. I don't see anything that I would change.

I know depression is difficult to deal with and even more difficult to admit. I had a bout with depression some years ago. Medication made me functional and counseling helped, but it wasn't until I took 'control of my will' that I actually came out of it.

Thank you for sharing,
Terrence Fisher


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122
122

Review of No excuses  

Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome to Writing.com! I've been posting poetry here for about four months and I've found it to be a positive experience. I hope it works for you as well.

There is some heartfelt truth here. Congratulations on putting it out there! I know it isn't easy to open up about such personal feelings. Honest reflection is the first step toward a positive change or a more peaceful acceptance of who we really are.

Good luck and keep writing,
Terrence Fisher


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123
123

Review of Wheel of Fortune  

for entry "March 25, 2019 II" 
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Well done!

You've captured something worth reading as well as adhering to the required format. The images are slightly disturbing and that's what makes it interesting. I've known elderly princesses who smell of 'boozy' perfume and your verse evokes those memories well.

My only nit to pick is the dash in 'Cinder-Ella'. To me it seems an unnecessary break? Of course it's your poem and you may have a good reason for adding it.


Keep writing well!
Terrence Fisher


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124
124

Review of Don’t Be Negative!  

Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a well constructed poem with good advice for anyone.

I'm not a big fan of free verse, but this hooked me and made me want to read on to the finish. The grammar and punctuation look good to me.

My one humble suggestion: I think "repeat past glories" is a more active statement than "relive past glories".

Either way, it's a good piece.

Keep writing!


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125
125

Review of Daddy's Way  

Rated: E | (5.0)
Well written!

I really enjoyed this bit of nostalgia (for me). I remember well the struggle to contain my son's little 'fire-hose' while simultaneously keeping track of a wet diaper, a dry diaper, and a couple of sharp pins. Success was ending up with the same amount of wet things that I started with!

Your characters are true to life and there was a nice chuckle at the end. Sure, he got the job done, but Will knew well that it wasn't done well.

Also, you might be amused to know that I've started carrying a bag (OK, purse) in my old age (cell phone, wallet, notebook, sun glasses, reading glasses, etc). One of the items in the bottom of my bag is a roll of one inch wide, Gorilla Brand duct tape!

Keep writing and giving us a bright spot in our day!

Terrence Fisher


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