The author has done a fantastic job with rhyming and meter. This work as a Shel Silverstein ring to it. Superb job.
However, I’d space the lines into poetry format, especially since you picked Poetry for your Item Type. Doing so will make your poem much easier to read. Also, unless it was a contest thing, I found the font color change distracting. Maybe if you bolded the colors it wouldn’t be, but for me, I’m visually impaired, I had to copy and pasted into a word document, then change the color to black.
I really enjoyed reading this. Shel Silverstein is one of my favorite poets! This truly did remind me of his type of work.
Overall impression This was funny, Strengths Nice use of dialogue.
{c:pace/plot/did it hold my interest? Yes! Suggestins I’d add comedy or satire to the genre selection list as it will help gain more exposure for your item.
Season’s Greetings,
Robin
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Opening Comments: I usually don’t read stories like this, but I’m glad I did. If you’ve ever wondered about the origin of the vampires, here’s your story.
Overall Impression: As a reader, I was captivated with your story. Superb job.
Strengths: storytelling. I was a child, sitting by the fireplace, surrounded by others, listening to you tell this story.
Plot/Pace/mystery Was my interest held?: Absolutely! Excellent pace. A smooth ride from beginning to end.
Suggestions: None. This story stands on its own.
Genre selections: This story stays true to its genre selections, and its title.
Overall Impression: Excellent reading! Great job here. I’d recommend this story to anyone. You have a wonderful way of writing without weighing your story down with unnecesarry words.
Season’s Greetings,
Robin
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An interesting poem. My favorite line is, ‘Light falls in darkness
Sound sinks in silence’ It has an elegant ring to it.
My suggestion. Eliminate the ‘think about it’ line. Just the word ‘fallen’ seems as though it would bring a more dramatic feel to your item.
Season’s Greetings,
--Robin
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A ‘How true’ feeling came over me as I read this poem. I like the rhyming scheme and it flows nicely.
I like the presentation; i.e., centering the words, and how, in the last stanza you tab the last few lines over. It underscores the meaning of the poem. For me, when I read it, the last line seemed to say…but only in one direction….
Very enjoyable read.
Season’s Greetings,
--Robin
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A laugh out loud read. I enjoyed the meter. This poem was smooth to read.
I did notice two typos; one, put a space between polka and dot, and two, the word Now should be capitalized.
Cute read.
Season’s Greetings,
--Robin
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I can see why this is an awarded poem! What a superb use of acrostic poetry which vividly describes the inner struggle which I believe is universally felt by many.
Great title, genre selections and brief descriptions (a big thing with me.)
I would recommend this poem to anyone.
Season’s Greetings,
--Robin
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What a wonderful group/idea. What a fantastic way to help out the writing.com community. After Endu Reviewing is over, I'll drop by, if you need any new members, I'd love to help out...E/R ends on December 26th.
My suggestion : Add 'community' to your genre selection list as it will help to gain more exposure to your group.
Add a Welcome Wagon Forum (if you have one already, add the link to this page) so newbies and others can post questions, ideas, etc.
This short story has nice pace. During the reading, I am very curious about what you will say next. Will the artist get a customer? Will have to deal with too many people asking for free advice? I like how you have describe scenes here. I can see the sidewalk and the corporate cronies eating chips…
Suggestion: check your typos, occasionally is misspelled and so is sustenance.
Also, since it’s a contest, you could link the contest title at the bottom of your work. Also, give a brief description of the contest rules, i.e. had to use certain words, or word length. As the reader can see how well your work fits into the guidelines. Just a suggestion though.
ry cute. Overall, I enjoyed reading this poem. I liked the title and genre selections, and the piece held true to its brief description. The description is vivid and the last line makes this poem!
My suggestion: Some of the rhythm is a bit off. You might want to think about re-wording some of the sentences... Your sentence: Others keep coming over and crashing. You could change to something like
Strangers keep dropping by with intent on crashing
Also, a typo: put another ‘N” in the word uninvited.
Good job! I'd recommend this poem to anyone. Thanks for the laughs this morning.
Great read! I like the title (and genre selections), and you've done a nice job with imagery by way of capturing a millisecond moment and putting it into poetic expressions. I'd recommend this item to anyone.
No changes here, this poem stands well on its own.
Even though your brief description tells the reader what the poem is going to be about, those words are quickly forgotten as soon as the first stanza is read. And further into the poem, the reader is desperately trying to figure out what causes such destruction.
Wonderful description and suspense. I have no suggestion as to making this a better poem. It is fine just like it is. Good luck in the contest.
The author has done an awesome job with this poll. It has great presentation. Nice title and genre selections. This poll forces the taker to evaluate his/her writing ability. Also, it relies on the integrity of the polltaker to answer the question truthfully.
Extremely powerful. It’s amazing that such simple words strung together can create so much emotion. Wonderful job! Excellent title and genre selections.
Only one typo: Put a space between the coma after the word ‘be,’ and before the words ‘or only’.
A very thought provoking question. One, which should inspire an essay out of some of its polltakers. You have clearly stated your question and given the reader a bit of background information into your. …Also, you have provided a wide range of answers to choose from. My only suggestion is to tighten up your work a little.
Your first sentence in the second paragraph you wrote: I really don’t believe…This is your feeling, state it as a fact, it’s not necessary to surround it with ‘I really believe.’ Try something like this: Since I don’t give low ratings without comments, I find myself exiting out of poorly written items rather than rating and reviewing them.
Tightening up the following sentence with more concrete description: While I know these weakly written pieces are the ones in need of reviewing, for various reasons, I do not do so.
Otherwise, it’s a poll everyone should take. In doing so, many should be lead to evaluate their reviewing techniques.
Opening Comments:
What a wonderful piece of poetry and prose. I can see why this items wears an awardican. Overall Impression:
I felt a warm calm come over me when reading this piece. I thought, what a beautiful way to describe such a complex arrangement. The addition of graphics further illustrates the author''s message. Comments to support my overall impression: Strengths:
Very descriptive. No doubt what the author is trying to convey. Plot/Pace/mystery Was my interest held?:
Held my interest through its entirety. Grammar/Spelling:
I saw no grammar or spelling errors. Suggestions:
No suggestions. Great poetry/prose.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I am constantly amazed at the creativity, inspiration, and innovative ideas the StoryMistress and StoryMaster develop to make writing.com the best premier website for readers, writers, and educators. This Reviewing Contest is just another fine example…
--Robin
A poetic way of describing very identifiable feelings and emotions. Your descriptions were vivid as well as recalling.<--A word I just made up, meaning able to recall the moment.
However, I did find lots of typos. I might copy and paste into Word and then spell check. That's the easiest way.
The following words are misspelled:
Twice, you forgot to put the apostrophe in the word that’s
peroid = period
recruter = recruiter
caferiteria = cafeteria
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: Add 'community' to your genre selection list as it will help to gain more exposure to your group. 