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2,441 Public Reviews Given
4,528 Total Reviews Given
I'm good at...
You'll get a mixture of proofreading and editing advice. I generally do a line by line.
Favorite Genres
Horror, fantasy, Sci-fi.
Least Favorite Genres
Do not care for works that straight dramas.
Favorite Item Types
Micro fiction, flash fiction, short stories, and chapters.
Least Favorite Item Types
I know little of poetry and I do not care for straight dramas.
I will not review...
I review most things.
Public Reviews
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476
476
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello!

I was hoping that you might consider writing for my Sf contest. I am looking for tales with cats in them. I thought Fred might make a heck of story.

****


I think "hear" in your title should be capitalized.


Rye bread, coffee ,CSI, and cats, I am sure in life we could be friends.



You set off the smoke alarm yesterday, and if I had ears, they’d still be ringing from all that noise.


Gosh, I thought for sure it was the cat speaking to her.






She looked around her, panic growing like a weed inside her,


I like this line the best.


You should enter this in the Twisted Tale contest. Let me know if you need the link.



Alice
477
477
Review of Red Tide  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello,

I am the mistress of the Cosy Steam contest. I bet you thought I forgot about you.

I am sorry for the delay in judging. I was waylaid by a case of the blues.

I thank you for your participation and patience.

I have another round up. This time I am looking for SF tales with a cat in them. I hope to see you enter.

***

I found the title to be interesting.


“Are you alright, Gilbert?” Aidan asks.

all right


“Use your jolly nob, Lillian! If it's bigger than the submarine than it's either a filter feeder, or if not than it probably eats whales. And what does the bloody submarine look like?”

I love these lines.


“Alright. Don't worry.” She messes up his hair.

"All right.



“Hello?” She calls out and mumbles “Couldn't these sods put up a
damned sign?”

mumbles,



I've been stuck here for... I don't know!”

for . . . I

http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/ellipse.asp...



“What's wrong with him?” He asks.

he asks.



“But maybe food poisoning if he didn't cook it right, or some toxin,”

toxin."




Lobster dinner, no butter or lemon . . . HA!



“Why do you think the Magnus Pyga buries its self, professor?”

itself



“Well if it's a filter feeder that could be the reason it buries its self and releases sulfuric acid, to break down the phosphate and create a huge food source for the red tide.”

itself



“Well if it's a filter feeder that could be the reason it buries its self and releases sulfuric acid, to break down the phosphate and create a huge food source for the red tide.”

itself


After talking with Gilbert for a few minutes Aidan says to Lillian “His memory seems fine, we should test his motor skills when he starts feeling better.”

Lillian,



{b]“Alright, thank you.”

"All right,



The big man says to Aidan “I've got this” and relieves him of periscope duty.

Aidan,



The dialog in this great.

All characters are distinct and you presented a fantastic situation with plausibility.


I fine tale all around.



Alice
478
478
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello,

I am mistress of the Cosy Steam. I bet you thought I forgot about you. I was waylaid by a bad case of the blues.

Thank you for your patience and participation.

I have another round up. This time I am looking for Sf stories about cats.

I hope to see you there.


***


I love the title!




Mr St.-Clare is under no illusion that the reader will be dear to him.

Mr.



Permit me liscence for a little florid prose here and there;

If you are in the USA

license



Ah, I see now that you are not in the USA.




I do not mind admitting that my hands itched to pry apart the cunning design, and see for myelf why these things must needs be outlawed.

myself



"What have you for me?" She asked.

she asked.




"Thank you, Mr St.-Clare. I hope that no trouble befalls you on my account."

Mr.



So far little has been achieved, but... I am investigating."

but . . . I

http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/ellipse.asp...




"Why?" She asked.

she asked.




"Get me very very drunk, and then... then... you have to... blind me."

very, very



You have the language of the Steam Punk down perfectly. I admire that greatly.


Alice
479
479
Review of Lizzie  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello from the 120!

I am sorry for the delay in judging this round of my contest. I was sideswiped by a bad case of the blues.

I hope to have this round reviewed and winners up in couple of days.

Thank you for your participation and patience.

I hope you will take a look at the new list of prompts. Perhaps you will find a new tale to tell again.

***

She pulled her ax from Suzie as they called again, “Lizzie”…

I think the ellipses should be inside the quotation marks.


Over all this is nicely written.


Alice
480
480
Review of Soul Capture  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello again,

The round after the one that is currently up will be along the same lines. This round is so much fun to read.


+++

Well this is not bad.

I have no notes for improvement in the way of spelling, grammar or formatting.


This is not my favorite of yours but still not bad.


Alice
481
481
Review of My Pet  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello from the 120!



It's reminescent of Rod Serling's work for the Twilight Zone."

If you are in the USA

reminiscent



Other than that is better darn good.

I think the surprise would work better if you changed the title and did not say "pet".



Alice
482
482
Review of Angels  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Congratulations!

Your tale has taken Second Place for the prompt "Hair" for this round of the 120.


I hope you will be joining me again and share more tales.




As always,

{c;pink}Alice
ecilA
483
483
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Congratulations!

Your tale was awarded first place in this round of the 120 for the use of the prompt, Your own.

Thank you very much for your hard work, patience and story.


I hope to see YOU again in the next round of 120.


Alice
484
484
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello from the 120,

I am sorry for the long delay in judging this round of the 120. I should have winners posted today. At least I will have read through all of them

Thank you so much for your participation and patience.

I hope you will take a look at the new list of prompts, maybe you will find another tale to tell.


***

I love the repeated use of:

Drip. Drip.

Perfect.


THIS ONES GREAT!


Alice
ecilA
485
485
Review of Angels  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello from the 120.

I am deeply sorry for the delay in judging this round of the 120. I was sideswiped by a bad case of the blues. I should have this round judged and winners posted today.

I do hope you will take a look at the new list. Perhaps you will find another tale to tell.

Oh fixed your link.

Thank you for your patience and participation.

***

He had always made good pasta.
His angel hair was beautiful, some said. A triumph of taste.

I feel this these two should have been one paragraph.



"All out," He explained.

he explained.

Because it part of the dialog it should not be capitalized.


Over all the story was cute, but I think it would have been better severed if you had added a little more detail.



Read you soon,

Alice
486
486
Review of Transcript 1074b  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello,

I am the guest judge for this round of the “Struck by Lightening.” I am thrilled to see that you were inspired by my prompt.

I will read the entry again after the close. Feel free to make any changes you would like.

If I give you notes please feel free to NOT listen to me. It is your story. Trust me. Things have not won, that I have written for this contest I have had published within days of it being rejected here.

***
Good title.

The word count seems fine. It appears that you have followed all of the rules.

I think you should use quotations marks for all of the dialog.


I stood and I screamed at him, every prayer I knew in my childhood.

I really like this line.


I feel that this is a wonderful take on the prompt. I think it is a different take on many that will be entered.







***

I hope you will take part in our contest again!



Read you soon.


Alice
ecilA
487
487
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Great synopsis at the beginning.

The PLAYERS THUS FAR...

FAR . . .


ROXANNE- 17years old-Foster child-

17 years


She’s a lot of bark but has never had any bite.” I replied

replied>.

“It seems she is always hollering about something,”

something> ."


“My sister is just a witch”

witch>."


“Are you really sure he is your brother? "He’s so white”

You should use italics for "He's so white"

You also forgot your period.




“You’re late” she bellowed, with her arms folded and stern face she wanted me to believe she was angry.

late!" she



I knew better, it was only 8:20pm.

8:20 PM.


“Pizza at the mall” I took my new sweater and spread it out over my chest.

mall."


“Donald called, said he’s home” Ma shouted down the hallway.

home," Ma

“Ma said you went to the mall, you got your prom dress?” He said.

he said.



Donald called her, Ma, just like me and most of my friends did. Ma’s title used to vary between, “Mrs. Roxanne’s mother” or “Mrs. Thomas” which was her last name.

No quotation marks are needed here.

There are more small mistakes. If you want me to go through the rest of the story I will. Just shoot me a line.


I like the story so far. It is a shame to have those little mistakes.


Alice
488
488
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ah . . . See, now I know that you meant those things to a piece of poetry.

This reads as if it might have been placed inside a holiday card. I would think the art to along with it would be modern and extravagant.

Well one thing is for sure, you have your own style.


Alice
489
489
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello,

I think you should capitalize more words on your outside title.


She looked at him and slowly said, “Thank you, Thank you Jim, for everything”

Here, you have forgotten the period.



“No no,” he whispered.

No,



He whispered just loud enough to be heard “thank you thank you for everything.”

heard,

"Thank you, thank you


“Yeah, sure your tears were great” she snapped, the index finger of her free hand practically up his nose.

great,"




{b]“Oh no, I completely forgot I’m really really sorry” he said unsuccessfully trying to move away.

sorry,"




He didn’t reply. He just nodded.

This would read better if it were one sentence.




“Good” she said, and strode off down the corridor.

"Good,"




If you make the corrections, I will be happy to come back and rerate your story.


ALICE
490
490
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (5.0)
I have never been sprayed by a cat. A tiger, yes.

My cat and I are always auguring over table space. It seems as if there is never enough. No matter who little of the tale (which is 6 feet long by 2 1/2 feet wide) it is NEVER enough. He always needs my few inches to truly be comfortable.

You may have a "Cat Table". We here have an Inago shelf, an Inago oubliette, and an Inago chair.


I think some cats are very smart.


Alice In CATS
491
491
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.0)
It seems to me that you may a kind of poet?

Although at least at the last part about the notes, you have a formatting problem.

If it is indeed a poem, I think you should say so in the title. It would help with what it is you are trying to convey.


Alice
492
492
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (5.0)
Too funny. The one about Christmas and slippers would make a great children's book. What a great opportunity for graphics.

Fred falling for the shelf. I had a cat that would go up on the top shelf and fall off. This was not her intent but happen more than she would ever admit.

What is up with him and possums?

Very entertaining.


Alice
493
493
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello again,

Well who can resist tales a kitten?

I will tell it was years since I went to the bathroom all by myself, what with cats and kids.

Now my cat doesn't want you to look at him when he is using his bathroom but when I am in mine . . . Well that's a different thing.

You have a wonderful way about writing about him. Maybe someday you will write about him in a novel. I await my signed copy.


Alice
494
494
Review of Sandpaper  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

I am sorry for the delay in judging this round of the 120. I was sideswiped by depression.

I am putting this under the category of paper. I wasn't sure to place it under paper or sand.

The last line of the story, who is Kyle? I thought he was working on Cathy? I am confused. Too bad. It was a great idea and up until that point a fine tale.

Alice
495
495
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

Sorry for the delay in judging this round of the 120. I was sideswiped by depression.

I feel you spent too much time in the step of the tale and not enough on the pay off of the story. This is what keeps the story from reaching its potential.


Not that it is bad but it could be better.


Alice
496
496
Review of Madre  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I love that you picked the "La Llorona" prompt. My husband said, "No one will know what that is."

I said, "It's a she. They can do 'research', and if you have a Mexican heritage you would."

This is kind of choppy. This is an easy fix. All that you have to do is combine some of your sentences.

What I do is keep this as and write another version combing the sentences and see which one you like letter.


Thanks for the story. I hope to see you enter again in the 120.



As always,

Alice
497
497
Review of Lizzie  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am so glad the links I sent to you were of some use to you.

Okay I am reading for the first. In my contest I read everything twice. Once now, and once after the round closes.

I have some notes. You do NOT have to use them. Use your judgment. It is your story NOT mine.

Thanks for the story. I hope you enter a bunch more!




The warm moist spray lightly coated her face once again. She loved that feeling. {/b]

Think about flipping these. I think it might help with the flow.

She loved the feeling. The warm moist . . .


The warm slippery mist felt almost heavenly as it coated her.

moister

Also consider changing "warm" to another word. You all ready used it.


Other than that, a fine read.

Thanks for the 120.

Alice
498
498
Review of Vampire Story  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello,

I love vamps.


You need a better title.



Ok.

I swear it is either

OK.

or

Okay



The opening paragraph is engaging.


I trudged through the black street. I was angry enough to scream and it was blasted cold.

I thought this was choppy. This can be over come by combining sentences.



You both worked so hard...you've gotta hang on to life! If not for yourself, for dad, for me....for g-grandma," I half sobbed.

hard . . . you've

me . . . for

This is how ellipses should appear.


If you were to pick a vampire novel from your shelf or the library, I do not think you find !! or !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! used.


The trouble with first person pov is that it can limit description and action. I feel this story suffers from this.


I do not think there is a lot of great description. I could not feel the story.




Who are you? She asked.

Gregory Stillard, I replied.

No. WHO are you? She asked again.

A husband. A father. A murderer. I answered.

Better. But what is it you what? Power? Money? Love?...Revenge? She mused quietly.

Revenge? I asked quietly.

These and more need quotation marks.



Who are you? She asked.

Gregory Stillard, I replied.

No. WHO are you? She asked again.

"A husband. A father. A murderer." I answered.

"Better. But what is it you what? Power? Money? Love?...Revenge?" She mused quietly.

"Revenge?" I asked quietly.



“You,” he answered simply. I stared at him dumbly.

These should be two paragraphs.


Overall a good read, but not great for me.


Alice
499
499
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Maris Catalan,

Welcome to Writing.com.

I found no spelling, grammar or formatting mistakes.

I thought the opening stanza had some nice imagery.


With care they are balanced upon her hills steep,

This confused me a tad.



With care they are balanced upon her hills steep,
Victorian houses like teacups,

Consider:

Like colorful teacups, Victorian house balance up her hills steep

Maybe not?




Over all I liked this.


Alice
500
500
Review of Messege Board  
Review by AliceNgoreland
Rated: E | (4.0)
If you really want to make this a message board you might try a book or a message form. They might serve your purpose better.

It is too bad that the link does not work.


Hey all, this is a bulletin where you will find lots of news to keep you updated. (mainly music news). Every week this will be updated, and if there is any news you want to know about, email me at: emobabe@britpost.com, and ill see what i can do! Later, Everyone x X x

Consider:

Hey all,

This is a bulletin where you will find lots of news to keep you updated. (mainly music news). Every week this will be updated, and if there is any news you want to know about, email me at:

emobabe@britpost.com,

and ill see what i can do!

Later, Everyone x X x
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