Okay the next thing, you should work on are the tenses. I have to look out for this too.
"Is" is current. "Was" is past tense. You have both in the same story. You have to make the story one or the other but not at the same time.
Jack, a small, half wire haired terrier half mutt, is at his usual post on the dock of Sailfish Bay Marina in Key West Florida making sure anything from a treasure thief to a misguided pelican stays far away from his master’s boat.
mutt, was
Laying on his back with his paws in the air, listening to the sounds of the warm summer water lapping against the hull of Gill’s ship, the “Skeleton Key”.
Laid
listened
The ship Skeleton Key is a beautiful seventy foot, thirty passenger sea going yacht that had been built in the Netherlands in the late 1960’s and was classed originally as an ice breaker.
Key was
She was purchased by Gill from his longtime childhood friend Brad Dennon and after a thorough refitting was restored and made into a charter boat for everyone from weekend fishermen to the occasional diver slash treasure hunter who may want to go out for as long as three and a half weeks at a time.
may have wanted
The ship is 11.52 meters at the beam with two MAK 2495 horse power engines that can muster up some 21 knot speeds.
ship was
It has two 208 horse power auxiliary engines and two 400 horse thrusters at the bow and stern.
It was
She has a full bathroom with a commode, stainless steel shower and lavatory.
She had
Brad Dennon is the manager of the southwest branch of Huntington Financial.
Dennon was
Huntington Financial practically owns half of southeastern Florida and has branches around the world.
and had
Brad let Gill have the boat for about one third of its worth to try to help his friend achieve the career that he had always dreamed of and to better his financial stability.
Gill had
worth trying
Brad’s company holds the note on the Key, and he has had to go to bat for Gill numerous times to avoid repossession of the craft.
held the note
he had
Unbeknownst to Gill, he has also had to sneak a couple of payments on the ship to the bank from his own personal account.
he had also
Brad was always the smart one growing up and in turn always looked out for his best friend who was neither very business savvy nor thrifty.
Brad was always the smart one growing up, and in turn, always looked out for his best friend who was neither very business savvy nor thrifty.
His only real link to the outside world is what he gets from his UHF ships radio and what he picks up during local conversations at The Porpoise Pub, his local watering hole.
world was
Jack suddenly comes to full alert and jumps from his warm spot on the dock to the gang plank of the Key.
came
and jumped
dock,
“Good Morning Jack.” Gill said as he poured dog food into Jacks bowl.
Jack,"
“Catch any suspicious seagulls this morning?
morning?"
Gill finishes filling Jacks bowl and kneels down to give his friend breakfast and a thorough petting and scratching.
Gill finished filling Jacks bowl, kneeled down and gave his friend breakfast and a thorough petting and scratch.
As best he could recall he had been in a rears with his payments for the last four months.
recall,
That, and some persuasion from Brad, may keep the bank off him as long as he promised the money he stood to make go directly to the bank, he hoped.
kept
Gill finished his breakfast and put the used bowls and pans in the sink. He then headed for his room to get ready for what was sure to be a grueling hour long gripe session.
In his mind he could see ten bank big shots with the old English judge wigs on, sitting behind a judge’s bench pointing their fingers at him and demanding the return of the Key. Not a pretty picture for him and almost enough to make him lose his breakfast he had just finished. He had to get money in the bank and fast. As he was laying out his clothes and preparing the shower it dawned on him just what it would mean to lose his beautiful boat. His life would be over as he knew it. The thought of doing anything else in this world was to him, well, unthinkable.
His shower done and his “meeting clothes” on he stepped off the gangplank leading from the Key and onto the dock of the marina. Jack jumped on the dock directly behind him.
“Stay.” Gill said firmly, “I will be back as soon as I can.”
Jack sat immediately and gave him a longing look; almost as if he knew his master was preparing to walk the plank.
FORMATTING:
Gill finished his breakfast and put the used bowls and pans in the sink. He then headed for his room to get ready for what was sure to be a grueling hour long gripe session.
In his mind he could see ten bank big shots with the old English judge wigs on, sitting behind a judge’s bench pointing their fingers at him and demanding the return of the Key. Not a pretty picture for him and almost enough to make him lose his breakfast he had just finished. He had to get money in the bank and fast. As he was laying out his clothes and preparing the shower it dawned on him just what it would mean to lose his beautiful boat. His life would be over as he knew it. The thought of doing anything else in this world was to him, well, unthinkable.
His shower done and his “meeting clothes” on he stepped off the gangplank leading from the Key and onto the dock of the marina. Jack jumped on the dock directly behind him.
“Stay.” Gill said firmly, “I will be back as soon as I can.”
Jack sat immediately and gave him a longing look; almost as if he knew his master was preparing to walk the plank.
In his mind he could see ten bank big shots with the old English judge wigs on, sitting behind a judge’s bench pointing their fingers at him and demanding the return of the Key.
In his mind, he could see ten bank big shots with the old English judge wigs on, sitting behind a judge’s bench pointing their fingers at him and demanding the return of the Key.
His shower done and his “meeting clothes” on he stepped off the gangplank leading from the Key and onto the dock of the marina. Jack jumped on the dock directly behind him.
“Stay.” Gill said firmly, “I will be back as soon as I can.”
Jack sat immediately and gave him a longing look; almost as if he knew his master was preparing to walk the plank.
FORMATTING:
His shower done and his “meeting clothes” on he stepped off the gangplank leading from the Key and onto the dock of the marina. Jack jumped on the dock directly behind him.
“Stay.” Gill said firmly, “I will be back as soon as I can.”
Jack sat immediately and gave him a longing look; almost as if he knew his master was preparing to walk the plank.
His shower done and his “meeting clothes” on he stepped off the gangplank leading from the Key and onto the dock of the marina. {/b]
Showered, "meeting clothes" on,
“Stay.” Gill said firmly, “I will be back as soon as I can.”
Jack sat immediately and gave him a longing look; almost as if he knew his master was preparing to walk the plank.
FORMATTING:
“Stay," Gill said firmly, “I will be back as soon as I can.”
Jack sat immediately and gave him a longing look; almost as if he knew his master was preparing to walk the plank.
Some waiting and watching, marking their calendars for this day to start their vacations, some were giving birth to their children, some maybe even retiring to a life of ease.
waited and watched, marked
Gill entered the front door of the Huntington Financial building and was met by the receptionist whom he only knew as Barb. “Good Morning Gill,” Barb said smiling, “How are you today?” He returned her smile and as he walked past her in the direction of his friend Brad’s office, “Well Barb,” Gill sighed, “ask me in an hour.”
Gill entered the front door of the Huntington Financial building and was met by the receptionist whom he only knew as Barb. “Good Morning Gill,” Barb said smiling, “How are you today?”
He returned her smile and as he walked past her in the direction of his friend Brad’s office, “Well Barb,” Gill sighed, “ask me in an hour.”
Gill stuck his head in the door of Brad’s office and knocked on the wooden jam, “Anyone home?”
“Come in Gill, have a seat” Brad said as he looked at his watch and pointed to the high backed leather chair across the desk from him, “You’re a little early this morning.”
FORMATTING
Gill stuck his head in the door of Brad’s office and knocked on the wooden jam, “Anyone home?”
“Come in Gill, have a seat” Brad said as he looked at his watch and pointed to the high backed leather chair across the desk from him, “You’re a little early this morning.”
Gill made his way to the chair opposite Brad’s desk and sat down.
“Oh I didn’t sleep much I guess, big day today.” He said nervously as he could already feel the beads of sweat building up on his forehead
Gill made his way to the chair opposite Brad’s desk and sat down.
“Oh I didn’t sleep much I guess, big day today.” He said nervously as he could already feel the beads of sweat building up on his forehead.
“Don’t worry too much Gill, if it comes down to it I can help you out” Brad tried to comfort his old buddy.
“Don’t worry too much Gill, if it comes down to it I can help you out.” Brad tried to comfort his old buddy.
“I left it on the boat; I didn’t figure it was that important, nothing really in it to look over”. He said.
over," he said.
Brad sighed, “Damn it Gill, You’re going to make me lie for you again, these guys are stuffed shirts yes, but they have the power to make your life miserable.” [/b}
Gill! You're
{b] “What would you do without me?” He asked his friend.{/b]
“What would you do without me?” he asked his friend.
“Once again you are saving me man; I don’t know how you put up with me all these years”.
years."
“Well ole buddy, I don’t think you’d be here in this office facing a firing squad if not for me”, Brad chuckled.
me,"
“I wish you would just let me give you the money for the whole loan, but I know, I know”,
know,"
he said holding his hands up in front of him,
him.
“I wont mention that, I don’t want to battle you for an hour over it anymore, but I am helping you because your my favorite person on earth,” he paused and smiled,
smiled.
“I don’t either Brad, in fact you need to swing by the boat when you can get out of here this evening, I caught some fresh dolphin and tuna I’d like to grill you some filets, maybe even have a beer or two.” Gill said still sipping his coffee.
“Sounds like a plan, I can’t stay out to late though, I have to get home and pack to go to Bimini in the morning. My plane leaves at 5:50 A.M. and I won’t be back till next Wednesday.”
FORMATTING:
“I don’t either Brad, in fact you need to swing by the boat when you can get out of here this evening, I caught some fresh dolphin and tuna I’d like to grill you some filets, maybe even have a beer or two.” Gill said still sipping his coffee.
“Sounds like a plan, I can’t stay out to late though, I have to get home and pack to go to Bimini in the morning. My plane leaves at 5:50 A.M. and I won’t be back till next Wednesday.”
“Sounds like a plan, I can’t stay out to late though, I have to get home and pack to go to Bimini in the morning.
plan.
“Oh, is that this weekend? I thought you weren’t leaving for another two weeks” Gill said with a puzzled look on his face.
weeks,"
“Yes, My meeting was moved up because the architects finished their plans early for an upcoming project over there, I am supposed to ok the plans and start processing their loan.”
there.
OK
or
okay
Brad sighed “Their raring to start tearing up 35 acres of prime beach front to put up a condo, so hence; I have to be gone by morning.”
sighed,
“Ouch, man I hate to hear that, not enough virgin beaches left in the world if you ask me.” Gill said finishing off his coffee and wiping his chin of the last drop. “So what does thirty five acres of beachfront go for in Bimini?” Gill asked out of curiosity.
“Well, let’s just say you can sell a condo unit for four hundred thousand, that just for one unit out of the whole condo”. Brad said. “The property over there is worth much more, think about it, all of North Bimini is only seven miles long and seven hundred feet wide, thirty five prime acres of that small of a land mass it worth a kings ransom ”.
The telephone buzzed on Brad’s desk, it was Barb, “Mr. Dennon, New York on the phone for you”. She said. “Thank you Barbara.” Brad said and looked seriously at Gill.
FORMATTING:
“Ouch, man I hate to hear that, not enough virgin beaches left in the world if you ask me.” Gill said finishing off his coffee and wiping his chin of the last drop. “So what does thirty five acres of beachfront go for in Bimini?” Gill asked out of curiosity.
“Well, let’s just say you can sell a condo unit for four hundred thousand, that just for one unit out of the whole condo”. Brad said. “The property over there is worth much more, think about it, all of North Bimini is only seven miles long and seven hundred feet wide, thirty five prime acres of that small of a land mass it worth a kings ransom ”.
The telephone buzzed on Brad’s desk, it was Barb, “Mr. Dennon, New York on the phone for you”. She said. “Thank you Barbara.” Brad said and looked seriously at Gill.
“Well, let’s just say you can sell a condo unit for four hundred thousand, that just for one unit out of the whole condo”. Brad said.
condo," Brad said.
“The property over there is worth much more, think about it, all of North Bimini is only seven miles long and seven hundred feet wide, thirty five prime acres of that small of a land mass it worth a kings ransom ”.
ransom."
The telephone buzzed on Brad’s desk, it was Barb, “Mr. Dennon, New York on the phone for you”. She said. “Thank you Barbara.” Brad said and looked seriously at Gill.{/b]
The telephone buzzed on Brad’s desk, it was Barb, “Mr. Dennon, New York on the phone for you," she said.
“Thank you Barbara," Brad said and looked seriously at Gill.
“Mr. Dennon?” Gill said with a laugh, “I will just never get used to that.”
Brad rolled his eyes and said, “Showtime Gill, remember, professional, articulate and don’t be scared of these guys, I know them and their all fat and ugly.” Brad smiled and leaned forward to hit the conference call button on his phone.
“Mr. Dennon?” Gill said with a laugh. “I will just never get used to that.”
Brad rolled his eyes and said, “Showtime Gill, remember, professional, articulate and don’t be scared of these guys. I know them, and their all fat and ugly.” Brad smiled and leaned forward to hit the conference call button on his phone.
“Huntington Financial this is Brad Dennon speaking” he said trying to sound as professional as possible.
speaking," he
“Seems as though it may be to late for him,” Mr. Brock said smugly, “Not many other companies would even consider keeping his account in the situation it is in.”
Gill watched as Brad scribbled something on a paper and slid it to him from across his desk. It said two words. “Scare Tactics.”
FORMATTING
“Seems as though it may be to late for him,” Mr. Brock said smugly, “Not many other companies would even consider keeping his account in the situation it is in.”
Gill watched as Brad scribbled something on a paper and slid it to him from across his desk. It said two words. “Scare Tactics.”
“Seems as though it may be to late for him,” Mr. Brock said smugly,
him." Mr.
It said two words. “Scare Tactics.”{/b]
words,
Brad dove right into the bottom line, “Mr. Brock, it appears that one payment can be made of one thousand dollars by Monday of next week, and then four more thousand can be made to his account before the end of the month”.
month."
Gill’s jaw almost hit the floor as he mouthed the words “Four Thousand.”
words,
“I have that information right here let me see”,
see,"
Ms. Banks chimed in, “I for one would like to hear directly from the owner of this loan, does he talk?” She said in the best “you’re a loser” voice she could muster.
“Certainly, Let me introduce you to Mr. Gill Preston, Gill,” Brad said as he grimaced and pointed to his friend.
“Uh, yea, I am here, over”. He said as he made the motion of a gun to his head with his hand and pretending to pull the trigger.
“It wont be necessary to say over Mr. Preston, this is not ship to shore radio”, Donna said, still with her voice in the same tone. “Mr. Dennon has set up a rather vigorous payment schedule for you judging from your past, can you honor the time tables we have been given”?
FORMATTING:
Ms. Banks chimed in, “I for one would like to hear directly from the owner of this loan, does he talk?” She said in the best “you’re a loser” voice she could muster.
“Certainly, Let me introduce you to Mr. Gill Preston, Gill,” Brad said as he grimaced and pointed to his friend.
“Uh, yea, I am here, over”. He said as he made the motion of a gun to his head with his hand and pretending to pull the trigger.
“It wont be necessary to say over Mr. Preston, this is not ship to shore radio”, Donna said, still with her voice in the same tone. “Mr. Dennon has set up a rather vigorous payment schedule for you judging from your past, can you honor the time tables we have been given”?
Ms. Banks chimed in, “I for one would like to hear directly from the owner of this loan, does he talk?” She said in the best “you’re a loser” voice she could muster.
she said
“Uh, yea, I am here, over”. He said as he made the motion of a gun to his head with his hand and pretending to pull the trigger.
over," he
“It wont be necessary to say over Mr. Preston, this is not ship to shore radio”,
radio,"
“Mr. Dennon has set up a rather vigorous payment schedule for you judging from your past, can you honor the time tables we have been given”?
“Mr. Dennon has set up a rather vigorous payment schedule for you judging from your past, can you honor the time tables we have been given?"
“I uh, think I uh,” Gill stumbled for words that just weren’t there. Brad motioned for him to get closer to the phone. Gill stood up and put his face six inches from the receiver on Brad’s desk.
“I think I will be able to do everything Brad stated.” Gill sounded nervous.
“Think is not a word I personally wanted to hear Mr. Preston,” Ms. Banks replied, “All I expect is a definite answer, yes or no. It appears after reviewing your financial record we have a history of having to chase you every month at payment time.” Gill was starting to get a little upset by this woman’s tone. He bit his lip and flipped his middle finger in the direction of the phone.
FORMATTING:
“I uh, think I uh,” Gill stumbled for words that just weren’t there. Brad motioned for him to get closer to the phone. Gill stood up and put his face six inches from the receiver on Brad’s desk.
“I think I will be able to do everything Brad stated.” Gill sounded nervous.
“Think is not a word I personally wanted to hear Mr. Preston,” Ms. Banks replied, “All I expect is a definite answer, yes or no. It appears after reviewing your financial record we have a history of having to chase you every month at payment time.” Gill was starting to get a little upset by this woman’s tone. He bit his lip and flipped his middle finger in the direction of the phone.
“Think is not a word I personally wanted to hear Mr. Preston,” Ms. Banks replied,
"Think,
replied.
Gill thought to himself. He pictured a kid fresh out of sixth grade with pimples, braces and pictures of Wonder woman on his bedroom wall.
Woman
Thank you Brad and we all here wish you a good day, Mr. Preston, we will be in touch.” He said.
Brad,
touch," he said.
We can’t wait to hear all the news upon your arrival back in the states. Keep up the good work down there.” He added.
there," he
“Thank you Mr. Brock and thank everyone there in New York for giving the audience to my client, if you need any further information I will be in all day, just give me a call.” Brad said and with that he hit the button to end the conference.
Brock,
client. If
information,
Better over all.
Alice Again...
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