Hello there, billwilcox
This is a Review!
What dragged me into your story?
I ran across your story on the newsfeed. It was a while back, I read it right away with the full intent of getting this review in. So now, after the life's interruption delay, here I am.
"fading flashlight" snap of a "dead branch"shadws ..."alive and menacing" not to mention "running for their lives"
With teasers like that in the brief introduction above the story, how could I not take the bait?
Does Snooping Pay?
Perhaps the guys thought of it more as exploring than snooping or spiritual trespassing, but nothing good can come out of disturbing an old Indian burial ground. However, a shiny new object was liberated by one of the guys.
Fright in the Night!
Yup, crime doesn't really pay. It definitely disturbs one's sleep. Things that go bump in the night, fading light, while running for your life over tough terrain -- this really paints vivid and frightful images for the reader.
My favorite Scariest Part:
"They left the structure the same way they entered, on all fours and closing their eyes to keep any stray branches from scratching them. It was at that time, Jesse felt the most vulnerable, half expecting something to grab him and pull him back in"
Okay, this hit me with super panic fear of suffocation. Having to crawl into a small opening already hit my claustrophobia. Not knowing what lies beyond the crawl, or how long one would be stuck in such a vulnerable position, or how quickly one can escape, all makes the heart beat faster. Great fear inducer that makes this reader cringe!
Will the real Jesse please stand up!
"Jessie Spinone "
"Jesse felt a chill,"
It appears he is given the name "Jessie" in the beginning of the story, but then as the story progresses, it becomes to "Jesse."
"but it was so dark, he had to focused [focus]it on the ground to keep from falling. Luke ran next to him."
Bill, this read is a chiller-thriller! Your story comes alive and reaches the reader to the core. It has mysticism, horror and youth getting in trouble, done in a classic Stephen King manner. Really fine story, well-developed, well described, characters that could be imagined in the mind's eye, and location, location, location! Woods, gnarly trees, grave sites, trinkets and symbols ... Vulnerable guys who are curious, yet dumb. Never crawl into anything unless you know what's at the end of the tunnel.
Racing heart and beads of sweat -- one of your finest spine-chillers yet!
Until next time--write on!