*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/webwitch/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/20
Review Requests: OFF
9,371 Public Reviews Given
9,994 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 16 17 18 19 -20- 21 22 23 24 25 ... Next
476
476
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
my review sig

"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Hello there, Mary Ann MCPhedran
This is a Simply Positive Review! *MushroomP*


*GlassesY* I am also reviewing your item because it popped-up on the Random Review generator.

*Leaf2G* I believe spring is one of the best seasons to write poetry about. The subject matter is about everything fresh and new, again. In parts of the country where winter keeps people shivering and indoors, spring is such a welcome time of year.

*Clouds* Your poem wove some beautiful images in my mind. "Towering hills" and "Sailing clouds" perfectly chosen words to bring spring alive. Riverbeds, with just the thought of them, their sounds and cool wetness -- all adds to the picture.

*Quill* Personification is lovely. "I'm the rustle of the leaves" It is so true, for I can think back to the birth of spring, with leaves from a season long forgotten, and the crunch sound they make when foot is laid upon them, all trigger those emotions of my springtime in New England. Since I winter in Florida and do not return until May, spring is well under way. But it was lovely seeing it appear before my eyes -- through your eyes.

Observations:

You have a couple formatting issues:


"In a warm breeze,
On" The word "On" is a bit of an orphan by itself under that line. Perhaps it was meant to go along with the next line?

At the start you have an ML bracket not properly formatted.


Otherwise, this was a fresh breath of spring and a joy to read. *Peacock*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
477
477
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there, Prosperous Snow celebrating
This is a
GROUP
The Witch's House  (13+)
Webbie's Home for Witchy MBs and the Bank for TheWitch's Garden!
#444444 by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH
Review *WitchHat*

I am also reviewing your item because it popped up on the Random Review generator.

*FlowerP* I love the revitalizing feeling one gets when spring is get closer. It is a time of blooming and when all creatures start to yawn and stretch preparing for a busy schedule of raising a new brood. I love thinking about the hatchlings and their first flight. Yes, spring reminds me of new life and new promises with love and life all abloom.

*Bird*Your poem paints this picture, yet does so with a certain restraint. It allows the reader to fill-in her own images of breaking out of the woolly wear into warmer weather. It shows that wanting to freely enjoy spring is not without the mixed-weather, rain and chills still sneak up on you, but you know it's only temporary. Cabin fever coming to an end. Soon, gardens and flowers and sweet scents will surround the senses.

Suggestion:

"It is springtime and I am feeling antsy,"


I thing "It's" and "I'm" would be better than "It is" and "I am." It would make the line less wordy compared to the others. Small snips of unnecessary syllables can be helpful. But it's merely my opinion. *Wink*

*Tree3* Nice analogy comparing spring to the mood. It is the desire for that renewal of life that makes spring fever present.

*HeartT* Love this part:
"I want to walk barefoot in the rain
and listen to the nightingale sing"


*Bird* Using the song of a nightingale and the rain -- I can hear its song and feel my bare feet walking in the rain. Luscious imagery!

Well done! *Ladybug*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
478
478
Review of Money Talks  
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there, SandraLynn Team Florent!
This is a
GROUP
The Witch's House  (13+)
Webbie's Home for Witchy MBs and the Bank for TheWitch's Garden!
#444444 by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH
Review! *Witchlegs1*

I am also reviewing this item as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest. Thank you for entering! *Smile*

Oh my, this was a good dialogue, indeed. I loved the set-up, the conversation with its humorous tone from the lady in heels and the character playing a representative of an unsavory criminal. *Laugh*


Observation:

Nothing too dramatic, just a spacing issue between "lady" and "at."
"Frankie said I was to deliver this to a lady ,at the bus stop, wearin' red high heels".

On the whole, I was very entertained throughout the dialogue. You kept me wondering when the other "heel" would drop. The ending was a "hit."

Good use of the picture prompt with a surprise ending and an amusing dialogue woven within by this woman and a very serious-minded character.

Well done! *Sheriff*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*
479
479
Review of Redbox and Chill  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
my review sig

"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Hello there, Kimbug. Welcome to WDC! *Peace2*
This is a Simply Positive Review!


*GlassesY* I am also reviewing your item because it popped-up on the Random Review generator.

*Ha* You had me going for a while when I started reading the dialogue between the couple at the drive-in theater. Yes, I guess people don't go to them to watch movies anymore. *Laugh*

*Ax* I liked the twist you spun in at the end. That was excellent. You led your reader down a path that frankly, I thought sounded like those grade B slasher movies, and I guess it sort of was, but the ending turned that all around in my mind.

*Sheriff* The prompt words were evident with their bold type. I enjoy reading flash fiction that has certain prompt words to see how well they are woven into the story. The words were used to emphasize the scenes well.

*FlagSt* I always believe there is a way to tighten flash fiction stories so they both produce full images in the reader's mind and use a minimum of words to do so. When there are fewer words used at the beginning, the ending can be more balanced as it unfolds to the reader. It shouldn't seem rushed or snipped-off to keep within the word count. There is always room to improve in this area. However,you did a good job setting the scene and building some drama, and even added a chuckle at the end.

Well done! *Cool*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
480
480
Review of RUDOLPH WHO?  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
my review sig

"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Hello there, catdok
This is a Simply Positive Review! *Cat2*


I am also reviewing your story as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest. Thank you for entering! *Gavel*

*Laugh*Hilarious! I love the spirit of the holidays and the partaking of spirits by a famous reindeer. *Reindeer* You wove quite a smooth little comedy, into one of our childhood favorites at Christmastime. So, now the truth is out there? Now we know why the red nose, and some Santa personal facts that have eluded generations of children?

*Wand* Adding a little technology into the operating of a sleigh on Christmas eve, is also a good spot for a giggle. Oh, my, the secrets being kept from Santa are grave, indeed! You did a great job with the Holiday Rush prompt and entertained brilliantly within the 500 word count limit.

*Candy2* This was a fun read. The dialogue was well done. You capture the reader's attention and make it a quick and quirky read that makes the story of Rudolph a true shocker! Should we continue to allow our children to watch this cartoon of the fake news about Rudolph? And, don't even get me started on Santa Claus -- the party dude who had a little help during the holidays to complete his job.

Great job! *Snow3*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
481
481
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
my review sig

"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Hello there, Genipher
This is a Simple Positive Review! *StarfishV*


*Binoculars* I am also reviewing your item as a judge over at "The Bard's Hall Contest. Thank you for entering!

*Type* I enjoyed the spoof on the classic detective, Dick Tracey. Dick Casey, holds his own, however, as a private detective, looking for an new and exciting case to get into the spirit of things. Spirit indeed, as he sets out to find the Candy Cane Killer, during Christmastime, a miserable criminal dressed up in Santa Claus garb. Good disguise, as people willingly get close to Santa when he's parked his bottom at the mall, surrounded by elves. But that's beside the story. He kills and must be stopped.

*Vignette5* Good shots by the private dick. He saved the victim from further victimization that would surely lead to her death.

*Phone* The language was campy and set the tone. "Yous" probably could have been dropped as it was used addressing one person. I believe plural form of colloquial language would apply to plural, as in "yous guys." It is at least, how I remember it being used growing up in a very ethnically cultured neighborhood. Good times, indeed!

Well done and an interesting use of holiday prompt.*Cool*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
482
482
Review of Dawn  
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there, Painted Dog
This is a
GROUP
The Witch's House  (13+)
Webbie's Home for Witchy MBs and the Bank for TheWitch's Garden!
#444444 by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH
Review! *Witchlegs1*

I am also reviewing your item because you recently gave me a review.

*Quill* I guess I'm doing a return Haiku review for you, too! *Ha*

*Wind* I love your weaving wind and the elements of time together. Nature always makes a perfect backdrop for poetry. It's amazing that when the wind howls, we listen and sort of block it out, until we notice the silence when it stops. Sometimes silence sends us deafening messages. It would make one pause to listen.

*PaintBrush* I think it is perfect as it stands. It paints a huge image in so few words.

Lovely! *Turtle2*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
483
483
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
my review sig

"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Hello there, SandraLynn Team Florent!
This is a Simply Positive Review! *Witchlegs1*


*Gavel* I am also reviewing your item as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest. Thank you for entering and taking the challenge to give us all, helpful Thanksgiving How-To, advice, especially since you got this entry so close to the deadline. Way to go! *Bigsmile*

*Delight* It was such a pleasure to not only read, but to visualize, motorcycle parts on the dining room table, a pal named Tom who is really a live turkey that never found his way to the business end of the ax, and the very creative party games, such as drawing in the dust left on the floor by the wood stove. Yes, very good advice on how to turn dirt into art, and settle for a frozen turkey, with which you would be unable to bond -- hopefully. *Laugh*

*Ha* Dessert first? Well, of course it is feasible, especially if the turkey is taking its bloody time in the oven and hasn't even reach the earth tones when the guests arrive.

*Think* My only suggestion would be that you skipped a couple spaces between paragraphs, rather than paragraph indenting, for easier reading on the WDC screen. It breaks up the appearance of a wall of words. Not a huge deal, just easier on tired eyes.
*GlassesB*

*Laugh* I found this story to be quite humorous. It paints a huge picture, which for many folks, is truer than it may appear. Thanksgiving or other holidays celebrated with a huge extended family, does bring the birdzilla out in many a hostess.

Very good advice, indeed! *ThumbsUpL*

Good job, and good luck with the contest. *Rabbit2*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
484
484
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
my review sig

"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

*Gavel* I am also reviewing your item as a judge for
SURVEY
What a Character! : Official WDC Contest  (E)
Create a memorable character using the given prompt for huge prizes!
#1679316 by Writing.Com Support
. Thank you for entering! *Smile*



*Shark* Darrin certainly had a unique way of confronting demons from his past. It's disturbing how relentless bullying can lead to disastrous results.Here, the one who was bullied,carried the burden of psychological pain that outlasted the physical pain for decades.

*Paw* A reader has to be on her toes to keep up with the scene unfolding before her eyes. However, after a double-check-back, I saw the light. The bit of confusion of names disappeared, because once I got to the end, I realized the need to refer to Darrin in the third person.


Observations:

"It['s] because of the way you treated me growing up.”

"Darrin, you left witness [witnesses] when you killed Steven.”

"I want you all dead before I do. before me? before I die? The way it is written, "before I do," seems a little awkwardly stated.

*Monster9* The ending was a real stunner. It must have been the ultimate betrayal to him, that Mitch didn't even recognize who he is. Nice twist with this character! *Smirk*


Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
485
485
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
my review sig

"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

*Gavel* I am also reviewing your item as a judge for
SURVEY
What a Character! : Official WDC Contest  (E)
Create a memorable character using the given prompt for huge prizes!
#1679316 by Writing.Com Support
. Thank you for entering! *Smile*



I absolutely love using many spices, especially some of the more exotic ones. Thus, you captured my attention with whole spice theme, and my curiosity with the fact that the merchant had only one eye. Good way to pull your reader in. *Pen*

*Mustache* I felt the character's passion for food and the perfect spice. He had mesmerizing way about him that kept him alive in some very sticky situations.

What made me pause a bit?


*BulletB* There are several grammatical errors threaded through this short piece. There is a tendency to run-on sentences and there is a need for more punctuation marks. A couple examples are below, but these are not all that issues I encountered in the story.


Observations
He wore rings on every second one of his short stubby fingers and he liked to wear big gold chains and he showed them off by wearing open necked silk shirts that also showed off his scary chest hair that seemed like some archaic thicket of madness threating [threatening] to engulf those gold chains completely.
This sentence could be broken apart, and tightened up a bit.


"He had a plethora of spices available}c:blue}[.]
Ssome were mainly for preserving, some [others] were magnificent for cooking, with smells that would take hold [linger]in the back of your nose and make your hairs on your back stand up as your stomach began to rumble, some spices created an aroma that would drive people so crazy while cooking that they would start grabbing food straight off the stove. This is another example of a sentence that could be tightened up and also benefit by removing repeated.

*Delight* What made me grin a little?

Loved this part near the end of the story:

"others say that it was his all consuming passion ..."
I don't know if you meant this to be a little tongue and cheek or not, but it made me laugh. "All consuming passion." Consume, plus a food related story with spices woven through -- the perfect phrase for your character's story. *Wink*

*Utensils* I enjoyed the culinary concept of special spices and their uses. I think as mentioned above, there is a need to tighten up the sentences and edit out unnecessary words.

Thank you again for entering the contest. I hope you continue your passion for writing -- it is like wonderful food, the right amount of spices one must add are attained with practice. *BeakerV*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
486
486
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello there, Christopher Roy Denton
This is a
GROUP
The Witch's House  (13+)
Webbie's Home for Witchy MBs and the Bank for TheWitch's Garden!
#444444 by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH
Review!

*Gavel* I am also reviewing your item as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest. Thank you for entering! *Smile*


Whoa, there was a whole lot of turmoil going on in this character's head.*Shock2*

*ThumbsUpL* What did I enjoy about this Character?


I liked that there was something sinister about him. His plans were going to be carried out -- he'd spent months making sure he'd be able to have the chance to enact his vengeance.

*Heel* You keep the reader on her toes, and holding her breath until the act was done.

*EggO* His reasons were developed in the story and his assurance that it would be a task completed, revealed that he didn't have long to live -- nothing to lose, attitude.

*ThumbsDown* What I didn't like so much?


*EggB* Another poking fun at the President. That's getting a bit overdone lately. And you're not even a US citizen, Bob. *Laugh*

Observation:

"With a satisfying crunch, the missile exploded, and yellow and white goo dribbled down that proud, orange face."
Egg whites are sort of clear-colored when uncooked, not white. Does that mean the yoke's on you? *Laugh* Just funnin' ... but it's true egg white turns white when cooked.

I found no glaring grammatical errors.


Well done! *Ha*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
487
487
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
my review sig

"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

*Gavel* I am also reviewing your item as a judge for
SURVEY
What a Character! : Official WDC Contest  (E)
Create a memorable character using the given prompt for huge prizes!
#1679316 by Writing.Com Support
. Thank you for entering! *Smile*



*GlassesB* I enjoyed reading your story. Your character is portrayed as very strong, and quite the talented young woman, who knows she could do so much more if only she were not limited by her very strict mother.

*Books2* I can understand her need to go to another school where her mother does not work as a teacher. I think if a parent is also a teacher in a child's school, that parent expects more from the child than is expected from all the other students. It's probably a matter of pride, as the teacher wants the child-student to tow the line and not do anything to embarrass her in front of her colleagues. Not an easy thing for the child. Also, anything done to upset the mother-teacher during the school day, would certainly continue when the child-student gets home.

I loved the whole concept of painting a mural on the building, although I felt bad that all that beautiful work would be destroyed when the building was knocked down. Thankfully reporters showed up and photos taken to memorialize the event.

Observations:

They're going to be torn down in any case, right, once the holidays come.
The word "right" is not needed here.


So, the preparations were spectacular.
The response was spectacular.
and were ... yes ... spectacular.
The media coverage was spectacular.
It's not a word usually used in this context, but the hug that mother and daughter exchanged was spectacular.

*Thinker* I think the word spectacular was overused, although it is used perfectly in the last instance. I felt you might have been trying to emphasize the word on purpose, sort of build it up for the grand finale. The thing is, I couldn't really see that until the end. It seemed repetitious when reading the word used so close together, but, I don't know, I could see it as a way to make the reader notice the word and thus understand its overuse at the end. It's a tricky call on this one.

*PaintBrush* However, the complete story painted a mural of a likeable character who found strength and later found her mother's respect once the project was completed. The reader is left to believe the mother-daughter relationship would from then forward improve.

Good job! *PeacockFeather*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*






*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
488
488
Review of King Of Beasts  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
my review sig

"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Hello there, willwilcox
This is a Simply Positive Review! *Busy*


*Witchlegs1* I am also reviewing your item as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest. Thanks for entering the contest!

*ButtonPause* Geez, where to start? I felt a certain creepiness reading this because it had a nightmarish quality to it. I believe I have had big cat dreams. In fact the dream had two mountain lions walking about the city streets and merely feet away from me. I found it odd because one was an orange-shade and the other was a light tan. But they traveled together. I awaited what you described in your story, but it never happened. They seemed tame around me. Nevertheless, I was frightened and feared the scent of fear would make them turn on me. Thankfully I awakened, never getting the answer to my fearful questions.

*Cat2* This story somehow placed me back in my nightmare. Yet, the ferocious lionesses in your story sent chills up my spine, because I also know about a pride of lions and how the females hunt and the male guards the perimeter. I had a sneaky suspicion this was not going to end well.


*Paw* I realize the story had to fit tight word count restrictions, but, I can see this story lengthened at a later date, when those restrictions are no longer there.


*Piano* Gripping horror, Bill. It shows that in a man v beast situation, man has only his wits or a serious weapon, to get him safely out of that situation. Or, a guardian angel -- so long as all you haven't run dry their protection favors. *Angelic*


What a story ... Left me breathless! *HeartBl*

*Web4* Thanks for entering and good luck with the contest!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*






*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
489
489
Review of Triskaidekaphobia  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
my review sig

"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Hello there, 🌕 HuntersMoon
This is a Simply Positive Review! *Cake3*


*HeartO* I am also reviewing your item because I saw it advertised on the Newsfeed, in response to Lyn's a Witchy Woman's research and observations about Friday the 13th.

*MushroomV* Your poem, as usual, has a flair that is solely Huntersmoon personality. It is spirited, always weaves a bit of humor, yet can take a stab at some heavy duty subject matter within its construction.

*Telescope* I found a nearly flawless flow, with a bit of drag at the end. That tiny pause did not take away from all the information one could gather when reading this poem. Yes, a bit of history and some Hollywood drama to portray Friday the 13th are cleverly intermingled within the lines, as well as sports. It really painted a full picture in this reader's mind. I for one love Friday the 13th. But what would you expect from a witch? I think it is a day that seems to freak some people out. However, number thirteen happens to be my lucky number. *Bigsmile*

*PaintBrush* Good job! I'm boosting up the rating on this item, because you included the pronunciation of the word, "Triskaidekaphobia."

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
490
490
Review of Vanishing Act  
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there, 🌕 HuntersMoon
This is a
GROUP
The Witch's House  (13+)
Webbie's Home for Witchy MBs and the Bank for TheWitch's Garden!
#444444 by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH
Re-Boooo! *Bats**Bat2*

*Gavel* I am also reviewing your item as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest. Thank you for entering!

*Rolling* *BoothB* *No*!
Okay, Ken, you said this would be borderline outrageous, and I'm sort of paraphrasing here, but, basically meaning the same thing. You have captured my go to way out of a situation for any prompt -- the time machine/sci-fi or some alien space-time continuum. Whichever fits into my mood. You got the scene, the detectives tracing clues and then an unusual visitor who tells them what happened, and then removes their memory leaving a "hoax" implanted on their brains. Pretty good solution to a mystery that must be solved in 16 sentences!

*QuestionW* What about Matilda Writon? Did she get back to her own time?


*Hotair4* I have nothing else to say -- you achieved what you set out to do. And it's always fascinating!

It was a fun read. A groaner, but fun nonetheless. *Wink*

Until next time--write on ... Or Writon! *Rolleyes*

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*
491
491
Review of A Love Poem  
In affiliation with The Witch's House  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there Tim Chiu
This is a
GROUP
The Witch's House  (13+)
Webbie's Home for Witchy MBs and the Bank for TheWitch's Garden!
#444444 by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH
Review! *WitchHat*

*Gavel* I am also reviewing your item because it popped-up on the Random Review generator.

*Castle* Your poem has this indescribable spirituality surrounding it. A couple, so in love, sharing their life together with perfect harmony. There need not be any distractions from the world around them, for they know in their hearts that they were meant to be.

*Owl1* I love how you weave God's hand in all of this. For, the life spent on earth respecting, keeping precious the shared love of the bond that God brought you together in, will, because of your belief in Him, last through eternity.

*BoxCheckB* So beautifully worded, creating a picture of everlasting love and unbreakable partnership here on earth.

*DragonflyG* I couldn't find a spot that needs improvement. It is as the relationship described, perfect.

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*
492
492
Review of Wedding in White  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
my review sig

"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Hello there, Purple Princess
This is a Simply Positive Review!
*Hammer*

*DragonflyP* I am also reviewing your item because it popped-up on the Random Review generator.

*Rabbit2* You manage to take a "wedding white" picture and turn it into a melancholy darkness. I like that! It is a very short story, under 300 words, yet it takes the reader by surprise and pulls her into the bride's head, her heart. Her feelings pour out of her and all her emotions could be felt.

*RingsGold* When one faces her true love at a time she is to marry another man, it is a shocking event for all involved. How will she be able to go through with the wedding? She cannot bear to stand as the thought of losing him twice is unbearable. Great ending, by the way!

Observations:

"It was then that Jessie saw him standing among the crowd, his dark eyes filled with sorrow and disbelief." This line ...

&

and this line} *Right*"those green orbs focused solely on her."
Are a contradiction. Green eyes are light eyes, not dark. So this threw me off a bit. Easy fix, choose a color for him and keep it the same color all the way through. I say stick with green. It sounds so cool with the word "orbs." *Laugh*

*Wolf* You did an excellent job in painting a full picture in this flash fiction story. It sort of haunts the mind picturing the bride in this situation. Well done, Miss T. I enjoyed the way you pull your reader in, stick that hook in deep, and give her a satisfying ending to the story.

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
493
493
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
my review sig

"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Hello there, BigOosh Welcome to WDC! *Owl2*
This is a Simply Positive Review.

*PawPrints* I am also reviewing your item because it popped-up on the Random Review generator.

*Wip*I can see this is a work in progress. You have a fantasy adventure blended with a love story makings in what you've written so far. I think it will be a good story once it has been completed. *Smile*


Observations:

"With each step the thunderous sound of the crashing waves grew more present. Tann loved the sound of the waves crashing." {c:repetitive waves crashing/crashing waves. These sentences can be tightened up to avoid repeating.


TRY: Tann loved the thunderous sound of crashing waves. Their presence became clearer with each step.


"The beach was known as inspirations home(Proper Name? Should be capitalized.) This beach was the beach that all of father’s most fantastic voyages started." Same advice as above. Tighten the sentences avoiding unnecessary words and repeating.


"...she fished into the pocket of her sweater. Her well-manicured hand felt the photo she already knew was there and she removed it from the confines of her pocket." This is another place where sentences can be combined eliminating the repeat of pocket.

*DragonflyV* you have a fine idea and hopefully you will continue to develop it as well as the characters.

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
494
494
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
my review sig

"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Hello there, 🌕 HuntersMoon
This is a Simply Positive Review! *Unicorn*


*LeafR* I am also reviewing your item because it popped-up on the Random Review generator.

*Vignette5* The reader could feel the loneliness and sadness of one soldier during Christmastime as he is away, serving his country.

*Bed2* You describe eloquently, the bedside table holding a tiny Christmas tree, a wreath and a yellow ribbon, which is a very significant reminder of how many families are awaiting their loved ones return, and they tie yellow ribbons on tress, or wreaths, or a bow in their door, to show support to service people. It shows that their prayers are there for all those who are serving with hopes they will return to their families, soon.

*GreaterThan* The form was very rhyming, first three lines end in rhyme, last one doesn't. I imagine there is some form name for that, but I won't hazard a guess. A blip in the rhythm of one verse that seemed wordier.
"as he grips tight the cross he wears." That extra syllable throws it off a bit.

*Key* However, I loved the images you painted of Christmas through the eyes of a soldier. You make the reader stop and say, thank you to those who serve currently and have already served our country.

God bless them all!
*Vine1*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
495
495
Review of Ignorance  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
my review sig

"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Hello there, Elysia
This is a Simply Positive Review!
*Rr*


*BulletO* I am also reviewing your your item because it popped-up on the Random Review generator.

*ButterflyR* You know something? I do not understand why the rating wasn't higher on this item. It is a free verse poem with a serious subject matter interwoven within the each verse. Thus, there was no particular poetic form. However, your warning that we should learn to look before we jump, think before we speak is very wise, indeed. So many times the mouth rattles off before we understand the full picture we are viewing.

*Sun* I read this poem a couple times to feel the emotions threaded within it. There is a feeling of regret toward the end of the poem and an admission that although it is understood that the error has been made more than once it might happen in the future, for we always seem to fall into the same old bad habits and then feel sorry about it after the fact. I believe we can live and learn and improve on those mistakes we tend to repeat.

*SeahorseR* My favorite verse was the second to last. I loved the form you used. It is shaped a bit like a diamond, to shine out the most within the poem. It summarizes all the thoughts and the warning of loose lips and the damage they can do.

*Doctor* I had to change the rating on this item due to the implications of violence.

*MedalSilver* I think this free verse poem deserved a higher rating. Probably the non-form non-rhyming poem did not appeal to one who prefers traditional poetry. But I happen to like free verse. I am boosting the rating a bit with my 5 *Star* rating.

Well done!*BurstGr*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
496
496
Review of Pre-op  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
my review sig

"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Hello there, Tony Reynolds Welcome to WDC! *Helicopter*
This is a Simply Positive Review!


*Moon* I am also reviewing your item because it popped-up on the Random Review generator.

*Ha* You know something? I hear ya! I winter in Florida at a 55+ community. The pool area is the one community spot where people of various ages swim, but mostly "Noodle" around the pool. A few, including me are there for exercise, but others cling to those colorful noodles as a lifeline. They do converse about their ails, their upcoming doctors' appointments, and what surgery is needed, when.

*Vinyl* Your prose brought all that to my mind and made me smile. I like this little diary account because of its humor and reality.

*Utensils* Friday lunches to meet with the old friends and trying to one-up each other on their physical condition -- I can picture this clearly!

*Wip* This is a good start to what can be a better story with a little more character development. The reader would appreciate putting a face to the character and his friends. It is a perfect piece for some dialogue which will bring out each one's personality.

*NoteGr* The spacing needs work. Separate each paragraph with a double click space for ease of reading and keeping thoughts well defined.

*Anchor* I think adding to this story would bring out the humor, more, as there can be interaction between characters.

*FishO* A little edit here and there with additional scene and character development will make this story shine through for the reader.

Well done for a start, with great potential! *Peace2*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
497
497
Review of Loss  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
my review sig

"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Hello there, Angel
This is a Simply Positive Review! *Sun*


*DragonflyY* I am also reviewing your item because it popped up on the Random Review generator.

*Owl3* I love Haikus. They are tiny in package size, but they produce a huge picture painted with words. The Oriental form uses the 5-7-5 syllable count within its three lines. You have done this as is expected in the traditional form.


*FlagB* I gleaned from this poem that it relates to the Barnum and Bailey Circus' final run. I believe they closed down for good this past May. It has been something that has been around, all through my years of growing up, and my eldest daughter was treated to one of their shows many years ago, when they came to our area, and got to ride on an elephant.

*BalloonG* Clowns have gotten a bad image since IT. My youngest daughter still fears clowns. *Laugh*

*BowV* Your Haiku has simplicity and it reaches those who decipher its meaning. I may be off with my interpretation, but then, poetry is subjective.

"The circus leaves a spirit"
...it certainly does that, indeed.

What could have been worded a little differently?

"The clown may not smile"


Perhaps: The clowns have retired

Since it's your first line in the Haiku, this little change gives the circus a bit of finality. The reader definitely knows its not just one sad clown, but implies all are out of their current job. Just ny opinion, of course.


Well done! *Elephant*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
498
498
Review of Baalbek  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
my review sig

"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Hello there, Purple Princess
This is a Simply Positive Review! *TulipP*


*PirateShip* I am also reviwing your item because I was volunteered as a "Goose," over at "Invalid Item

*Monster11* Ah, very interesting take on the official prompt. I did an entry for this contest, also. Thanks to "Game of Thrones of course. Yes, and entered it hours before the deadline. *Laugh*

*FlagSt* You did a good job describing the hardships of love amidst the battle torn areas of Lebanon, And using the Ancient ruins as a backdrop.

*Sheriff* The reader could feel the issues faced by the star-crossed lovers. Their love would not, could not be accepted let alone understood, as their political and religious beliefs would frown upon such a union. Frown being a mild word, as death would be the punishment.

Observations:

"Another bomb exploded and Lina flinched. Usually, a stream of sound would proceed [precede] the explosion, but bomb makers were becoming more clever,"

"A sense of dread washed over her. She [sensed?]something was off."

“Well then, we’d better make the most of tonight. Shall we? I want to make it up to the bottom of the pillar tonight from this side if possible." Repeat of the word tonight. Combine the thoughts or replace one repeat or eliminate it, as it is understood it is "tonight."

*UmbrellaR* You know something? Nobody knows better than I or anyone who played during GoT how time restricted we were by the time we got to this choice, the famous #51, Final Cut of HoB&W. You did a fine job with this prompt. I cringe when I think about mine. The deadline came through before I went back to read it ... typos, things that just screem ... "I wrote that?!!!" *Laugh*


Well done, T! *HeartB*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
499
499
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (2.5)
my review sig

"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Hello there, syd Welome to WDC. *FishG*
This is a Simply Positive Review!


*SuitSpade* I am also reviewing your item because it popped up on the Random Review generator.

*BackpackBl* I see in this brief writing, you are trying to describe an affection for someone through the yes of a youth. There are so many innuendos one could take from the brief read. However, the reader needs a little more to help her figure out what was really meant.

Observations:The title and brief description are vague, so the reader doesn't know what the story, or prose, is going to be about. Also, Titles should start with capital letters. It shows that the reader has a security in its name and wants the reader to notice, and it is grammatically correct.

Further Observations:

*GlassesY* Since this is such a succinct piece everything gets noticed easier by the reader.


"you were 12. I was 13." "You" should be capitalized as the first word beginning a sentence. (As well as each new sentences' first word, which is missing through out. )
It's advisable to write out twelve and thirteen, because the numbers look off when the item is two short paragraphs in length. Plus you start with them in numerals and then place "seventh" written out as the school grade. Numbers this low should be written out in a story.

"now we're sophomores and [in] high school. nNot too many years but long enough were [where] it feels like forever. (F)feelings I feel for you.


*Sneaker1* Okay, I think there has to be more development of the characters, background, what the attraction was at first. Things that let the reader feel the feelings you are trying to place out there for us.


*FlagB* This has good potential as poetry if edited a bit or a short story if lengthened a little more.


*Gear* Keep on working on and it will shine bright for you and your readers. I have been open to changing a rating for the better when an author does the needed edits. *Smile*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
500
500
Review of In Memoriam  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
my review sig

"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP
Hello there, Writer_Mike
This is a Simply Positive Review! *Pencil*


*CandleR* I wanted to find a way to thank you for the lovely 2-Words MB you sent to me, today, and to help you celebrate WDC's 17th birthday, so I came over to take a look in your portfolio. The title of course, grabbed my attention, and the brief description clinched it.


*Cry* These events marked such a tragic time in NASA history. I found it odd that these accidents happened within that certain time frame, late January-early-February. I actually saw the Challenger being piggy-backed to Houston. It was so amazing to look up to the sky and see that Shuttle on top of a 747 jetliner. That was following the last trip of the space shuttle before the fatal lift-off happened. A school teacher was one of the crew. My heart ached watching that on television and then realizing something bad happened.


*SwordR* Okay, now that you've got me thinking of how sad those time were for our country, then I was reminded of the brief description whereby you stated it was written for a 100 words, no repeats, challenge. I find this remarkable! I was poring through it to see if I could find a repeated word, but I couldn't, so if it's there, it's well hidden. But the enormity of this small item is what really stands out. This is a tribute to NASA's lost crew personal, and it read well, with respect and not just words tossed without true feelings. I could feel the passion within those hundred words. That is not an easy thing to do with this serious subject matter, but you did it handily.

*Scholar* I find no errors in the writing. I see respect and admiration -- I like that! This was a succinct story, but there is so much about it that are review worthy.

Excellent work! *Quill*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3,442 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 138 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/webwitch/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/20