Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH...I am Home!'s (webwitch) Reviews

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

(13+)
Webbie's Home for Witchy MBs and the Bank for TheWitch's Garden!
#444444 by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH...I am Home!

Review!

I am also reviewing your item as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest"

. Thank you for entering!

Your Photo:

This photo is gorgeous! Love the Mexican shoreline framed by two palm trees. I could almost feel the warm breezes. The quality is lovely, seeing that the star of the Title can be seen in her rising glory. Good shot of Venus, there. It's also romantic as I spy tow branches reaching out and touching the other's palm leaves. Another great point about it!

Your Haiku:

Flawless execution! Love the "embraces a tranquil world" line. Your ending is yet another strong connection to the photo as the blush color on the horizon meshes perfectly to the words in the last line.

I can't think of one thing I don't like about the image and its matching Haiku. You hit this prompt's nail right on the head. Gee, I hate when you do that, Ken!

Just kiddin'!

Superb!

Regards,
WebWitch

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

377

#4483537

Review of Foresight

Review by Ԝ€ß☆Ԝiʈ...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello there Bilal Latif
This is

GROUP

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

(ASR)
Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community.
#1188309 by iKïyå§ama

Review!

I am also reviewing your entry as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest"

Thank you for entering!

Very interesting use of Picture Prompt!

Mood:

This story had an adventurous side, Sci-Fi to give it some time-travel qualities and a setting that brought in the dark side.

Character Appeal:

Norman is a very determined man. He continues his mission no matter how dangerous it could be for him. I liked him and was curious about what he was trying o accomplish.

I think my head was spinning as Norman past and present travels in search of a special little girl.

There are so many layers of the story to keep in mind. The umbrella is helpful marker for the place he needed to be and the boots had the power to reach the past. Perfect timing requires the exact spot to be placed at the right time. After many "misses" Norman finally, with the help of Ariel, gets to where he wants to be so he could try to change the past.

When the reader realizes the purpose of his mission, she is shocked about what happened to Leira, and heartened by the ending, which was the highlight of Norman's life as well as Leira. My icky-creep meter rose over Del. I thought about that kidnapper with the little girl.

Clarity of the story:

"And as the thirty-year old Norman who said that reaches Del’s side, the Norman who fancies himself forty years young squeezes the umbrella handle and mutters, “Ariel, this is the wrong date.”

That sentence required a couple reads. It seemed a bit awkward as written. Nobody said life it easy going from past to present in an instant.

Conclusion:

Not knowing what date he would land in, he nevertheless took the chance to find Leira. It was a beautiful ending to see his daughter safe from the creep. Whenever they would be would be their normal.

Well done!

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

378

#4483410

Review of ruwth is writing...

for entry "~ The Broken Umbrella ~"

Review by Ԝ€ß☆Ԝiʈ...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hello there, ruwth
This is a

GROUP

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

(ASR)
Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community.
#1188309 by iKïyå§ama

Review!

I am also reviewing this entry as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest"

. Thank you for entering!

Unique Interpretation of the Picture Prompt:

You did a fabulous job of taking an ordinary photo and turning it into a heart warming story.

The Characters:

Well developed and easy for the reader to picture. You make the reader care about the grandmother and her grandson and her determination to find the help he needed.

The boy was a lovable individual and he had a fine sense of humor (evident at the end) that had probably been masked by the other issues he had to deal with regarding his Autism Spectrum Disorder. It showed the reader how tough it is when a loved one is super sensitive to everyday things that most of us don't pay any attention to. Besides his social issues with others he had a heightened sensitivity to noise and scents around him.

The Conclusion:

I loved the boy's interpretation of the drawing that the boy gave to the psychologist who was testing him. PRICELESS!!! He saw the world through his own special way, indeed.

I got a chuckle out of it. It's a combination of innocence and confidence in his witty response.

Interesting take on the prompt and touched my heart deeply!

I saw no errors that jumped-out at me.

Good work!

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

379

#4483244

Review of The Umbrella

Review by Ԝ€ß☆Ԝiʈ...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hello there, willwilcox

This is a

GROUP

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

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Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community.
#1188309 by iKïyå§ama

Review!

I am also reviewing your entry as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest"

Thank you for entering!

Picture Prompt Interpretation:

I can't tell you how much you grabbed my attention from the start. But, I'll try.

You chose a Thriller/Suspense genre, which fit easily within the prompt. The photo, though simple can be fertile within a writer's mind with its interpretation.

Opening lines:

"An umbrella can separate us from the world outside, everything else is inconsequential.
Jeremy Strauss stormed through the rain, the umbrella acting as a cocoon against the constant pelting from the torrential downpour."

You had my attention with those lines. Great opening! My curiosity was raised. I needed to know what sort of mission this man, braving the elements, was so important to brave a day such as this one.

They are also effectively used in the last paragraph. I love that! You tie the beginning to the end perfectly. It has great impact on the reader and the emotions felt are strong.

Now, the reader wonders why this man with the umbrella needs to finish a task that has been nagging at him. He felt a pull toward a certain destination, and nothing would prevent him from continuing on. He even risked be run-over during a busy work day to get where he knew he must be at that very moment.

Horrifying Grammatical Errors?

Nope! Found nothing to make me pause.

Clutter of Useless Words?

None! You trimmed down this story so only the material elements of the story were given to the reader. At that point, the reader could inject her imagination and enjoy the show from a particular or peculiar point of view. I can do either.

You nailed it in 633 words. Not an easy task!

Conclusion:

I loved it! It had multi-faceted meanings one could assume until the end arrived. Then, the shock of knowing the full truth is exposed. It was both heart-warming and heart-breaking. However, the starkness of the final words seals the fate of both characters. Nothing sappy-sweet about this story. I like that!

Simplicity as well as layered complexity are evident. Great job with the prompt!

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WW

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

380

#4483033

Review of Rain

Review by Ԝ€ß☆Ԝiʈ...

In affiliation with The Witch's House

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello there, 🌕 HuntersMoon
This is a

GROUP

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

(13+)
Webbie's Home for Witchy MBs and the Bank for TheWitch's Garden!
#444444 by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH...I am Home!

Review!

I am also reviewing your item as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest"

Thank you for entering!

Always expect the unexpected when you're writing for a contest, Ken. You always have your usual flair of making the characters fun and interesting, and even in Sci-Fi, they are all too human. I can sort of relate to the being "human" part.

Loved the seriousness of the scientific study of the beings from "Arudia." Great concept adding the language communication issues. Makes the ending super hilarious!

Observation:

"Lisa’s opened her eyes." [Lisa]

What do I wish, What do I wish?

I wish you gave me more time with the characters, let me savor the moments.

More build-up leading to the ending, as humorous as it was. Add some tension to Lisa's solitary mission before the "fall."

However, this was a fun and unique interpretation of the picture prompt. Thanks again for entering. Love seeing you at The Bard's Hall!

Well done!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

381

#4483021

Review of Midnight's Encounter

Review by Ԝ€ß☆Ԝiʈ...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

Hello there Rima...
This is a

GROUP

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Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community.
#1188309 by iKïyå§ama

Review!

I am also reviewing your item as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest"

Thank you for entering!

This was quite an unusual take on the picture prompt. I like that you really pushed the envelope on this one, coming up with a Sci-Fi blend along with some intrigue and an interesting turn of events.

Observations:

"No lady I have ever known wants to get their{c;blue} [her] hair and pretty dresses wet."

"A thin leg with shiny stiletto stepped out before a lady in a dark red dress slid out"
This sentence is awkwardly stated. It led to repeating the word "out." It could use some reconstruction. This is what happens when you get stuck in a passive voice, rather than active.
TRY: She stuck one stiletto-sporting foot out of the car, followed by the other. Long slender legs, ended where the short red dress began.

“Rosella?” I asked.
“The money,” I asked.
"I asked, I asked" Try combining this person's dialogue to prevent the repeat tag.
"Rosella?" I asked. "Got the money?"

"She sat alone, she [her] diamond earrings sparkled in the disco lights."

Is [His] eyes went wide and sparkled with excitement at the sight.

Bitnick only had enough [time]to realize what was coming and the Commander could only cry no before I slammed the vehicle on the poor captain.

Further Observations:

This story has some good points. It has interesting characters and a complicated plot to be unveiled to the reader. I think that more story development is needed so that the readers could grasp easily what the situation is that leads to the meeting, then to the drug involved, and, more character development so there is a clearer image in the reader's mind. The fitting such a complex story into a 2000 word count limit is very difficult to do -- unless you write tighter and focus on a couple main characters and a clear purpose of what is expected of them. I must admit I got a little lost at times.

In conclusion:

This story has good potential. The things that make it a difficult read are the errors noted above. These were a few that stood out easily and slowed down the read for me. There are several areas where punctuation is necessary and formatting sentences better would have greatly helped.

That aside, I think you have an incredibly creative mind for weaving a thrilling tale. You just need to pay a little more attention to editing once you've finished your first draft. Very few, if any of us, can get a story out there perfectly first time around. We all need to reread it several times to catch some of those little errors that slipped-by. Also, a second reading gives us a chance to tighten-up some of the rambling sentences or repeated words that take away from the story rather than adding more insight for the reader.

I had to change the rating of this story, as mentioning illicit drugs and murder, make the content rating at least 13+.

I think this story could be a fascinating longer story. There is something more that could be told about these characters and their jobs.

I loved the ending!!!

You leave the reader with hope that "Night" will find his match with the lady in the bar.

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

382

#4482788

Review of Amber's Strange Encounter

Review by Ԝ€ß☆Ԝiʈ...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello there, Jeannie
This is an

GROUP

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

(ASR)
Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community.
#1188309 by iKïyå§ama

Review!

I am also reviewing your item as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest"

. Thank you for entering!

You did a fine job with the picture prompt. You chose a thriller/Mystery, which fit well with the picture. There is something unsettling about this simple picture that hints to a writer as well as a reader, someone is on an urgent mission.

Mystery Aspect:

Intriguing set-up for a mystery to unfold.

Believably:

There are a couple bumps along the way regarding the lawyer and her decision to make her case fail. Yeah, she didn't go through with it, but I'm sure her actions would have brought down some wrath upon her career. The visit to the judge came a bit late in the game. I know, she was in fear of her friend's life. However, blackmail is a merciless crime with no beneficial ending.

Observations:

A man met ma [me] at the door, and guided me to where Anderson and his group were gathered.

"We need all the good lawyer[s] we can get!"

"No way!" I glared [at] him "I've been working hard on this case, and my client is going down for murdering those innocent twin girls."
This lawyer sounds like a prosecutor, which means she is working for the State, not a personal attorney for the defendant. If she were a defense lawyer and was trying to "lose" the case for her client, she'd be disbarred. It is up to the district attorney's office to present evidence of guilt and prove it beyond a reasonable doubt showing the defendant committed the crime. (And for a defense attorney to zealously defend her client.)

The ending wrapped-up quickly because you were running out of words within the strict word count for the contest. I believe much of the time wasted on the being late, and taking a shower, the dialogue between Amber and Bella, could have been decreased, and just have her showing up at the library, exchanging greetings with her good friend enough so that the reader knows they are close. The intrigue could start behind the book shelves and begin the mystery from that point. Get the reader feeling a sense of something's not quite right, here.

It's a complicated plot to try to cover within 2000 words. It would, however, make for a noteworthy longer story where the characters would be fleshed-out thus allowing the reader the opportunity to get to know the character and visualize her better.

But hey, you did it! You took a fairly plain photo and let your muse guide you into quite a mysterious story with complicated issues, awaiting discovery by the reader as the story unfolded. This was tough to do within the word count limit.

OH, THE POSSIBILITIES:

This mystery begs to be lengthened and perhaps find itself in a novella or book. There is enough going on in it to be able to do that. Might be an idea worth considering when NaNo Writing Month comes around.

Nonetheless, you created a creepy story revolving around this particular picture prompt -- you did send some spine tingling chills to the reader, that shocked the conscious!

Nice thriller with tons of potential!

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

383

#4480181

Review of Boss Hog Family

Review by Ԝ€ß☆Ԝiʈ...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hello there Jimmy E. Durham, RN-BC

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GROUP

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14 days may be credited.

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Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community.
#1188309 by iKïyå§ama

Review!

I found this humorous item while perusing the Comedy genre page.

Oh, my gosh, this is outrageously funny. The Grandma, the family issues and all the entanglements that turn normal into Boss Hog family. Seth was a cool dude. He kept his responsibilities with as little bitterness as possible.

The grandma was an unforgettable character. She knows what she requires for herself and demands results.

Starr was quite a character. I like how she defends not quitting smoking while pregnant because the shock to her system could harm her baby.

Observation:

You spell "Starr/Star" two ways in the story, with one r and 2. I believe you meant to keep 2 r's for the character's name.

My favorite character is Seth. My son is named Seth, so you got my heart, there!

This was a hilarious read, thus, I am highlighting it in this week's Comedy Newsletter!

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

384

#4480180

Review of The Exam

Review by Ԝ€ß☆Ԝiʈ...

In affiliation with The Witch's House

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello there, Writer_Mike
This is a "The Witch's House"

Review!

I found this item while perusing the Comedy genre page.

One can pack a whole lot of fun in a short package. The dialogue was quirky and humorous. I like that you were able to paint a vivid picture in the reader's mind. And, can I just say --OUCH! I almost felt the pain of the poor patient.

I will be highlighting this item in this week's Comedy Newsletter!

Enjoy your day!

385

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4480178

Review of SLUDGE attacks the goddess

Review by Ԝ€ß☆Ԝiʈ...

In affiliation with The Witch's House

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hello there, shaara
This is a

GROUP

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(13+)
Webbie's Home for Witchy MBs and the Bank for TheWitch's Garden!
#444444 by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH...I am Home!

Review!

I found your item while I was perusing the Comedy genre page.

This was quite a fun and quirky read!

I enjoyed the whole podiatrist with his adoration of the perfect footed patient. His foot fetish was well played throughout his internal thoughts. The reader could roll her eyes at his character and chuckle at the same time. He just popped to life with his joy of feet.

The disappointment came through with a sharp note that trilled in my ears.

I love that you took the events and turned our dear podiatrist into a poet at the end, as he lamented the loss of the foot goddess.

Good job!

I will he highlighting this item on this week's Comedy Newsletter.

Enjoy your day!

386

#4480155

Review of My Wife's Escape

Review by Ԝ€ß☆Ԝiʈ...

In affiliation with The Witch's House

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello there, Simple Dykie
This is a

GROUP

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Webbie's Home for Witchy MBs and the Bank for TheWitch's Garden!
#444444 by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH...I am Home!

Review!

I came across your item while perusing the Comedy genre, page.

A woman in love with her car.

Sounds a lot like me. Except, my sweet Volvo SUV is a 2005!

Therefore, you got my attention right off the bat.

I loved the way you described just how much attention the wife paid to her new " Yes, car-love can be difficult to overcome -- or compete with!

Observations:

"I slowly circled, a little under two tons tons of the latest in American know-how and cutting-edge technology." Repeated "tons."

I loved the ending. Hey, he's had enough of her giving all her attention to her new love. Sometimes revenge is best served cold, and this proves it as her hubby shows off his hot cutie!

Good job!

I will be highlighting this item in this week's Comedy Newsletter.

Enjoy your day!

Regards,
WebWitch

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

387

#4477947

Review of In The Beginning...

Review by Ԝ€ß☆Ԝiʈ...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello there, 🌕 HuntersMoon
This is an

GROUP

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

(ASR)
Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community.
#1188309 by iKïyå§ama

Review!

I am also reviewing your item as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest"

Thank you for entering!

Fine story about time travel with a bit of philosophical thought thrown in.

Humorous, yet scary! The ending had me frozen in time! Oh, wait, time doesn't really exist, does it?

Love the quote by Harlan Ellison!

I believe he was on to something.

Observation:

"It was possible to go anywhere and anywhen"
Did you mean to say "anywhen" or anytime? Inquiring time-space minds want to know.

I found the ending clever. Questioning the birth of the universe and then actually becoming the beginning of the universe to become time as we know it. I had to twist my mind around that one. However, you did a mighty fine job with the past/future way home prompt.

Good luck with the contest!

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

388

#4476928

Review of Love is not blind

Review by Ԝ€ß☆Ԝiʈ...

In affiliation with The Witch's House

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello there, Newbie!
Welcome to WDC.

This is a

GROUP

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Webbie's Home for Witchy MBs and the Bank for TheWitch's Garden!
#444444 by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH...I am Home!

Review!

I am also reviewing this item because it popped-up on the random Read & Review generator.

I am happy I had the opportunity to read this gorgeous prose. Your words -- so descriptive, much like an artist's brush painting into view a beautiful person who has an appreciative. Each brush stroke highlighted the perfectly chosen words. Strong emotions came through clearly.

The lines are well paced, and the words chosen show the magnitude of this person's devotion and absolute love.

It is indeed a lovely prose-poem that leaves vivid images in the reader's mind.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

Good job!

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

389

#4474347

Review of The Homecoming

Review by Ԝ€ß☆Ԝiʈ...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello there, NeedingBeachDuf 🐠⛵🏝️
This is an

GROUP

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

(ASR)
Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community.
#1188309 by iKïyå§ama

Review!

I am also reviewing your item because it popped-up on the random Read and Review, click.

You certainly make the reader feel the tension of trying to get Ambrosia back to them! Supplies were low, as well as morale amongst the team.

I enjoyed the humor of the ambrosia plus landing spot called "marshmallow," after all, they do go wonderfully together as a dessert!

Interesting Sci-Fi short with much drama.

Observations:

That still meant it would still take four years to arrive after launch. Repeat of the word "still" close together. Actually, you really don't need either of them, here.

Fine and fast-paced story of what can happen when all systems are not "go."

Well done!

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

390

#4474157

Review of Humanity Past, Present and Future

Review by Ԝ€ß☆Ԝiʈ...

In affiliation with The Witch's House

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hello there, Prosperous Snow celebrating
This is a

GROUP

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(13+)
Webbie's Home for Witchy MBs and the Bank for TheWitch's Garden!
#444444 by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH...I am Home!

Review!

I am also reviewing your item because it popped-up on the random Read & Review click.

This poem had exceptional depth, that which draws the reader in and makes her think in a more philosophical sense of the word.

This was a good read, well written and talks about humanity in a world where things are constantly changing and issues are blown up in a way to cause much distress in the masses.

I see no where that needs an edit. It's great the way it is.

Well done!

Regards,
WebWitch

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

391

#4473847

Review of A Life for a Life (1st Place)

Review by Ԝ€ß☆Ԝiʈ...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello there BScholl
This is an

GROUP

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Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community.
#1188309 by iKïyå§ama

Review!

I am also reviewing your item because it popped-up on the Random Read & Review, tool.

I enjoyed the quaintness of the start of the story. The young man, the clock maker and the precious instrument of time that was once owned by his grandmother. However, that serene quaintness does not last to the end. Rather, it leads the reader down a garden path and then, WHAMMM!

Oooh, I like when that happens. Take the simple story and bring it to a stunning conclusion. It will make a reader remember this story long after leaving the page!

Observation:

"A young man of about 23, answered back." In a flash fiction with a tight word count, you don't need to qualify the man's age. Stating he's a "young man" suffices for the reader.

Love the twisted ending!

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

392

#4472230

Review of Cupid's Valentine's Day Flight

Review by Ԝ€ß☆Ԝiʈ...

In affiliation with The Witch's House

Rated: 18+

| (1.0)

Hello there, Prosperous Snow celebrating
This is a

GROUP

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(13+)
Webbie's Home for Witchy MBs and the Bank for TheWitch's Garden!
#444444 by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH...I am Home!

Review!

I am also reviewing this item as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest"

Thank you for entering!

Actually, that recipe for bee stings of Mrs. Claus sounds like it may work!

Other than the family recipe, the rest of the poem was down-right Slam-Dunk, badness! The spirit of the Christmas season sort of held-over, thus infringing upon the cartoonish Cupid's time in the lime-light of flowers, candy and arrows.

But hey, who am I to prevent the Claus-man himself from getting involved?

The rhyming was bad, thus it worked good.

The entire poem painted a picture of an errant disaster of love who is in possession of pointy arrows but not his faculties!

All in all -- this was bad, which is good!

Until next time -- Slam On!

Regards,
WebWitch

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

393

#4472225

Review of Valentine's Day? No way!

Review by Ԝ€ß☆Ԝiʈ...

In affiliation with The Witch's House

Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)

Hello there, turtlemoon-dohi
This is a

GROUP

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(13+)
Webbie's Home for Witchy MBs and the Bank for TheWitch's Garden!
#444444 by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH...I am Home!

Review!

I am also reviewing this item as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest"

Thank you for entering.

You followed the "Slam Cupid" bad poetry prompt, handily. I mean the description of that despicable February nuisance showed through clearly.

One wish I have is that you would have allowed the one-star rating. It is king of this particular prompt, you know, and one should be proud to wear it!

Well done bad poetry! Lots of humor.

Good luck with the contest.

And do write on!

Regards,
WebWitch

394

#4472224

Review of A Valentine Cell-abration

Review by Ԝ€ß☆Ԝiʈ...

In affiliation with The Witch's House

Rated: 18+

| (1.0)

Hello there, 🌕 HuntersMoon
This is a

GROUP

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

(13+)
Webbie's Home for Witchy MBs and the Bank for TheWitch's Garden!
#444444 by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH...I am Home!

Review!

I am also reviewing your item as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest"

. Thank you for entering the contest!

Well, Cupid was certainly well-slammed with this poem.

VD?

Good one.

Perfect Bad Poetry to give Cupid a run for his arrows. Or rather, an arrow escape if he were to be lucky, in an attempt to escape the wrath of one unhappy customer!

You done good at doing bad, Ken. I may never be able to look at another valentine without feeling the sensation of bile rising in my throat.

Thanks again, I think, for entering. And good grief! I mean, good luck!

~WebWitch

395

#4471874

Review of Wither

Review by Ԝ€ß☆Ԝiʈ...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello there, Julian C Welcome to WDC!

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#1188309 by iKïyå§ama

Review!

I am also reviewing your item because it popped-up on the Read & REview, random generator.

This is a lovely poetic tribute to a loved-one who has passed away. You could feel the regret of your girlfriend, whose grandmother died, and the fact that she had not had a chance to repay her grandmother's love. That's not a rare case, either. Many of us grieve the loss of a loved one and wish we could have shown them more. We always think we have another day for that.

Observations:{/b}

Nothing too critical that needs attention, just a little tweek here and there.

(i) Standing alone it should be capitalized so it doesn't distract from the poem. I understand that some poets thing anything goes in free verse, but you don't want unnecessary distraction for a reader.

A couple spots you could tighten-up a little to prevent one line being too wordy in comparison to another.

"Have a journey have an [and] adventure"
"As of now my chapter closes" Perhaps use [ends] One less syllable, so the last line doesn't looked too chopped-off.

Yours starts a new"

Otherwise, this is such a beautiful tribute. Your girlfriend should be proud of this.

Well done!

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

396

#4465092

Review of The Repentant Bully

Review by Ԝ€ß☆Ԝiʈ...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

I am reviewing your story as a judge for

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14 days may be credited.

(E)
Create a memorable character using the given prompt for huge prizes!
#1679316 by Writing.Com Support

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The Character:

Ron's character painted many vivid images for the reader to absorb. At first, the reader is introduced to the horrible personality of this man, when he was a youth. He, like so many kids at that age, want to feel accepted by their peers. They will shun others to uplift themselves in the eyes of the popular ones. They will bully and taunt relentlessly, a kid who is obviously different.

As an adult:

Ron visited a dying man, an old schoolmate from those childhood day. The man remembered the torture Ron put him through as a youth and couldn't understand why he came to visit him in the hospital. He was in dire need of a kidney, but saw no hope of a donor.

My Observations:

Being a mystery buff, I could see the ending ahead of time. Does it dilute the story? No, because there were many more layers from the beginning to what the surmised ending would be,that was fresh and surprising about who Samuel really is.

I tired to concentrate on the character, how he's portrayed, and, if he could be redeemed, and if it would be believable. In this case, I say a resounding YES!

Your story is well-written, included some technical medical research, making it easily understandable. The situation that led Ron to that room had more to it than meets the reader's eye, at first.

In Conclusion:

He did redeem himself in the most unselfish way, and, in the most charitable way. Giving a gift is outstanding. Giving an outstanding gift anonymously — priceless!

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch

This is "The WDC Angel Army"

Review!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

397

#4465088

Review of Books and Their Covers

Review by Ԝ€ß☆Ԝiʈ...

In affiliation with The Witch's House

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

I am reviewing your story as a judge for

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Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

(E)
Create a memorable character using the given prompt for huge prizes!
#1679316 by Writing.Com Support

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Thank you for entering!
Hello there, trailerpark bodhisattva

The Character's Qualities:

I liked Mavis. You presented her as strong, tough, and meticulous as a boss. Also, she was a very private person. Not one to show emotions, at work, but expected a good day's work from her employees. She had pride in what she did and trained others to do so, as well.

The story line brought out many more facets to Mavis that those employees never knew, but one particular person, would experience this with surprise.

Mechanical Observations:

"Don't tell anyoneI told you this," You missed a space between "anyone" and "I."

Parting Thoughts:

I loved learning about the real Mavis, the one with a soft heart and uplifting spirit. She was in indeed a wonderful character to meet. And, as the title eludes to, one cannot or should not judge a book by its cover.

Well done!

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch

This is "The Witch's House"

Review!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

398

#4465078

Review of Reinora's Redemption

Review by Ԝ€ß☆Ԝiʈ...

In affiliation with The Witch's House

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

Hello PureSciFi
I am reviewing your story as a judge for

SURVEY

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

(E)
Create a memorable character using the given prompt for huge prizes!
#1679316 by Writing.Com Support

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Thank you for entering!

Reinora portrayed quite the capable commander of her crew, when an attack resulted in the death of a couple thousand. How did she miss the impending attack? What could she have done to protect her crew? These are questions the reader asks.

There is also something sinister about those who claim she will never be redeemed, even if she does find the culprits.

Observations:

Hevoin can’t stop shaking a little. "a little" is unnecessary.

A different image appears on the large monitor every few seconds that Reinora in [is] looking up at.

Further Observations:

This was not a simple story to follow. I understand it's science-fiction, but there seems to a lot of parts weighing down on the story, rather than taking a concise plot-formation. It's hard to care about Reinora's state of mind. We keep hearing the word redemption, and at the same time are told nothing she will do will earn her the crew's forgiveness.

Perhaps it's just me, but I think a better backstory, or some brief history in an introductory form for the reader to absorb, would better prepare the reader of the hows and whys of the attack. What I came away feeling was the other characters' disgust and near-hatred of this commander.

I think it could use a little more clarity, and some cutting away of nonessential words. It does not keep the reader going at a good pace.

Good potential and filled with futuristic drama far removed from what we know as our home planet. Please continue fine-tuning your story into a novella, perhaps. You would have plenty of space to develop it without the strict word count of a contest.

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch

This is "The Witch's House"

Review!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

399

#4465077

Review of The Redemption of Darryl's Shadow

Review by Ԝ€ß☆Ԝiʈ...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+

| (3.0)

Hello there, Ironworker
I am reviewing your story as a judge for

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