I found this letter very touching. Maybe it didn't exactly follow the contest rules, yet I can't find fault with that somehow. It deals with subjects we could all use a bit more time thinking about and taking an honest, deep look inside ourselves over. Thank you for being willing to share this part of your soul with the rest of us.
Wow....this poem sent shivers through me and brought tears to my eyes. What an incredibly powerful piece! Thank you so much for sharing this with the rest of us.
This piece is full of lots of information, more than I thought would be there from just the title and description alone. I would suggest placing more punctuation at the ends of your lines though, to tell the reader where to end each thought. As it's written, several parts of the piece seem to run on with no demand to pause and take a breath. Perhaps you wrote it intending for the reader to instively place a period at the end of each line, and if this is the case then the piece works as written.
Again, very informative piece and best wishes for future endeavors.
"It casts it's knowing eyes.." Remove the apostrophe in this sentence. As written you have the contraction, meaning it is.
Same thing in this line as well: "It's cruel gaze causes harm.."
Nice piece, makes your readers think a bit as they read it. I welcome you to WDC and encourage you to continue writing in the future as well.
Emotional piece. You're very right that abuse ruins a person's life. I grew up in a home where my father was quite abusive, so I can realte to the feeling of dreading seeing him come into the room with me. Thank you for haring this piece, and I thinkt he title is quite fitting for it.
Welcome to WDC and I encourage you to continue writing in the future.
Very emotional piece that brought tears to my eyes. I come from a home where my father was abusive, so I've often asked myself the question of 'why' many times. I know what it's like as well to not have contact with your father and the scars it leaves behind. Thank you so much for sharing this piece with the community and I truly encourage you to write more in the future.
Very cute piece. The picture this piece paints made me sit here shaking my head and laugh as I read over it. You have one heck of an imagination Hayley! Thank you for sharing this piece with the rest of the community. I welcome you to WDC and encourage you to write more pieces in the future.
Very dark, emotional, and haunting piece of work. It started out as what one would think would be a love poem and then twisted and morphed into this very dramatic ending that had me doing a double-take. Deffinantly a piece that will garner discussion. Welcome to WDC and I encourage you to write on.
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Thank you for sharing this piece. I found myself smiling through the entire piece as I was reminded of that special one in my own life. I have one suggestion to make. I would split 'everyday' in this line (I like how you love your dogs, and talk about them everyday) to two words to make the piece flow a bit more smoothly in this particular part. Again, a wonderful piece and I welcome you to WDC and encourage you to write more pieces in the future.
What a special piece. I can hear the laughter, see the smiles, and feel as if I'm living the moment with you. Very well written and clearly painted emotions here as well. Welcome to WDC and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future as well.
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I can see the scene playing out in your piece during each verse, well done. Some of the rhythm is off in a few of the verses though and they are a bit choppy, so you might want to read this over again and see if you could do some word substitutions or changing of punctuation in places. Still a very nice snapshot of an afternoon's events though, and I encourage you to continue writing. Wishing you the best of luck with future pieces. As always, this is but one opinion among many here, and I do not make the claim of being an expert on poetry, merely an enthusiastic reader of the genre.
Very passionate piece. Even though it was set in the future and your man was fighting some unnamed creature, the emotions were still there, raw and powerful. I enjoyed reading it and would love to see this concept turned into a novel where it could be flushed out and expanded upon. It has a great foundation that could take it in several different directions. Keep writing and keep fighting!
I welcome feedback and reviews on my own pieces as well, if you are so inclined.
Reading this made me think of my husband, and even brought tears to my eyes. I noticed one small error in this line: "Still a smile from you, and I'm In the groove." The I should be lowercase in the word in, instead of a capital letter.
A beautiful piece and I encourage you to continue writing in the future. Welcome to WDC and I wish you the best in your future here. Please feel free to drop by my own portfolio if you wish, I welcome all honest feedback.
Very emotional piece. I'm glad to see you are so close to your mother that your heart can hold these emotions. It's a quick snapshot and yet a gnetle reminder that no matter how old you are, mom's always there in some way to be teacher, friend, and shoulder to cry on. Thank you for sharing this piece of your soul with the rest of us.
Cute. Yet another piece that reminds me you never know what you're getting yourself into when you start doing madlibs. Thanks for the laughs and the walk down memory lane as I read over this piece as well. Keep up the wood work and may you have blessed day.
Wow, this sounded like a few of the wedding events I've seen on Bridezilla in the past. Thanks for the laughs, and keep up the good work in the future. I noticed one error..."In the blink of an eye your behind the wheel..." I believe your intent there would be you're as in you are behind the wheel. Other than that though it was a nice piece and well thought out.
*cackles* I saw a spelling mistake.."..prepare to MEED your maker.." I think you intended meet, not meed. Aside from that, it was a wonderfully mixed up story that really does remind meof the plot of a soap opera. Thanks for the laughs and keep up the good work.
The piece has a nice idea behind it, however I do not feel it captured all of that base idea. You state in your description that people are the cause of all good and also all evil, yet the piece does not address the 'cause of all good' mentioned in this description. It does have potential to a very emotional piece if you flush it out and expand on the entire topic though. Good luck and welcome to Writing.com.
I invite you to read and review my pieces if you are so inclined as well. I welcome all honest reviews and suggestions.
Nice flow to the piece and good rhymes. This portion "He's strong in might And don't fear the night." does not flow as well as the rest of the piece. My suggestion would be to replace don't with doesn't. It gives the line a bit more smoothness yet still maintains the same thought. Overall though, a very nice piece. Welcome to Writing.com and I encourage you to write many more pieces. You capture emotion quite well.
I invite you also to read over and review my own pieces as I am always open to honest feedback.
Your story has a nice foundation but it reads like a run on sentence. You change tenses as well during it. Sometimes you're writing in the past tense and sometimes in the present, so it lacks continuity. I noticed several capitalsation errors as well in many of your sentence beginnings. You might also want to red over this again, as there are several places were a thought is not completed due to missing words, as though it was written in a rush. Overall, it does have a nice potential though.
Very arousing scene. I have the feeling she will be repeating her evening again the future. I liked the fact that she just rolled with what was happening and that she was able to expand her experiences. You have a few spelling mistakes though where words were not completed, or were not completely edited out. Overall a very good scene, though I would suggest rereading it to see where those minor mistakes can be corrected.
Nice foundation and very beautiful beginning. Towards the middle of the scene it began to sound as though it was a bit forced, like you had the idea but did not quite know where to go with it at a certain point. I liked the idea that it was a dream, a fantasy. There were pieces of it that just did not quite mesh at the end with the earlier portions though. Overall a lovely piece with great potential.
Beautiful story and very well thought out. I loved the fact that your main male character was such a gentleman. There was a clear passion here but it was not crude and left me wondering what might happen between Cass and Michael in the future. I would love to see more with these two main characters in future writings!
You have a nice seen here and I think it would be wonderful if fleshed out. The entire thing feels a bit forced, a bit....mechanical. There's no passion to it, no emotion that makes your reader want to connect to the characters. As I said earlier though, it's a very nice foundation for a scene and I can see it happening, so you do a very good job of conveying what's going on. It just lacks anything that makes it stand out and grab your reader.
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