*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/wseerden
Review Requests: ON
367 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 ... Next
1
1
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I should have given this piece 5 stars since I found nothing wrong with it.

It wsa a nicely written piece with an unexpected twist in the end
2
2
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Good story... I like how you set it up and I liked the use of the time at the beginning of each little scene.

I also really liked Kylie's friend. I figured there was going to be a twist in the end but I was thinking that 'friend' was really working for her captor and he would say in the end something like 'I didn't say I was YOUR friend' when he gave her advice that actually served her captor's twisted game. I have to admit you got me... I never envisioned your twist....

Nicely done

3
3
Review of The Mad House  
Review by werden
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Good story... nice and spooky

I was caught from the beginning and you held me to the end.

I am unsure exactly what happened except for the girl was probably both a mind reader and nuts.

Still, that's what makes a good scary story the ambiguity sometimes.

Anyway, my only criticism is where and how would a 19th century man hear of a cell phone? or know enough about one to mention it?

:)

Nicely done
4
4
Review by werden
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very funny... most enjoyable... I honestly couldn't find anything wrong with this.

I only wish it were that easy in real life to break up with your writers block or other mental entanglements to writing.

Thanks for sharing


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice beginning. You introduced the main character quite well. I also liked the ending. It brought the story to a satisfying conclusion.

However, you lost me in the middle. I got confused as to whether her ex left her on their wedding day or at some other time. 'The day she met him, their first date, their wedding day and then finally her walking down the aisle and him running away.' That sentence applied that he left her on some other day.

Also, I think you could have showed more instead of told. It would have gotten me more into the story if you would have showed the main character's thoughts and feelings instead of telling me about them.

'"Wait, I can prove it!" He came after me.'

You changed from third to first person in the above line.

Overall, while I think this needs some tuning up, this is a nice, enjoyable read with a well-developed main character and a nice ending. Thanks for sharing and write on.
6
6
Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.5)
First, I have to point out that this is a well-written piece... well thought out and articulated. But it is also filled with the contempt for all believers I see in most atheists... Of course I see the same contempt for atheists in believers. Neither does either group any credit


My problem here is you do the exact same thing you accuse believers in God of doing. You close your mind to any possibilities outside your own opinion. I have seen many atheists do the exact same thing.

Where is the evidence that your mind is qualified to determine what is real for not only yourself but everyone else on this planet?

Let me explain the above: While it is true many, actually most, come to faith because of dogma passed down by their parents... it is also true that many others come to faith from a personal experience of one kind or another concerning a higher power.

How can you rationally say that those experiences are automatically false because you don't share them? Yes, I am sure you will say they come only from a person's need to believe or some internal weakness and are solely fabricated within their own mind. But my question remains....

Where is the evidence that your mind is more able to judge the worth of someone else's experience?

Can you provide it?

No?

Yet, it appears that you indeed believe your mind is able to make that determination on someone else's behalf.

It is one thing to not have a personal belief in God. I can understand that and even relate to it. It is quite another thing to sneer at everyone who does believe in God as not being 'rational'. That, to me, demonstrates a closed mind and an irrational one.

A rational mind considers all possibilities even ones it rejects. For example, per your illustration, I personally reject the existence of Santa Clause and Zeus. HOWEVER... I am open to the possibility that Santa Claus does exist in some fashion that I am not personally aware of... just as Zeus could have once been real in some way. Now, do I believe these things... No... but I am open to their possibility.

I also have to disagree with your idea that everyone is born an atheist. I think that everyone is actually born with a clean slate with no spiritual beliefs of any kind, one way ... or the other.

I think you are also confusion religious dogma with God. You are proposing a disbelief in the God religions potray which is not necessarily the same thing as disbelief in God. Let me explain by my own personal example or try too...

I am... an agnostic Christian in that I believe the claims of Christianity for the most part... but yet... I have doubts over some. I don't say this because of dogma forced down on me by my parents but by personal experience.

Yet, despite my belief in Christianity, there are many... many things Christians speak on where I have to personally shake my head and say 'huh?' They make absolutely no sense to me... none whatsoever. Now, is that a question about the existence of God? NO.. just whether or not humans have defined God in the right way.

So, I can understand and relate to the rejection of religious interpretation of God but not to the rejection of God. To me the first one makes sense... but the second one does not.

But... that being said... my mind is not the sole indication of rationality so it is possible I can be completely off base. Maybe atheists are right after all... I don't believe they are... but maybe they are.

In closing I hope I haven't offended you... it wasn't my attention. But, I feel I had to be as blunt as possible...

Good job as the quality of writing
7
7
Review of Virtuality  
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A nice little story.

Two people who were one thing in real life and the exact opposite on the internet.

It might be an amusing tale to see their reactions when they finally meet each other. Neither will find what they are looking for.

You described both characters well using a minimum of words.

Good job in telling the story using under 300 words.
8
8
Review of The Game  
Review by werden
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Good story.

You started off well with suspense. You described the background of the children and their game leading me slowly into the main body.

I also liked your descriptions of all the characters.

It had a tragic ending but that's okay. It fit well with the rest of the story.

The only thing I can find to criticize is I believe "capisce" should be spelled "Capish."

Good job.
9
9
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Very amusing.

I understand.

I have had my own "Addiction" to certain shows that are embarrassing to mention amongst polite company.

In fact none of my friends know ALL the shows I watch.

I have to keep a clean image after-all.

Thanks for sharing.
10
10
Review by werden
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I enjoyed this.

I liked your constant wry references to your father's character whenever he spoke.

I also liked how you wrote it from a young boy's perspective.

I also liked the encounter with the snake.... seen from a young boy's eyes.

Very amusing.

Good job.
11
11
Review of It Had to Happen  
Review by werden
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
What a nice satire! You brought in all the improbable elements...

the villian telling the hero every single detail of the plan and the hero understanding everything

the hero's stock of weapons conveniently hidden everywhere on his body in such a way that gave him easy access but not hindering him in any singificant way

the hero being physical superior in every combat he was engaged in....he never missed and his opponents never hit.

but you missed one thing... the romance. You needed to have the hero hook up with an impossibly gorgeous woman who's sole purpose in life is to have an encounter with the hero then conveniently disappear

Another thing... why did the hero have to sneak around to begin with? One would think with his superior physique, weapon skills, arsenal, intellingence, etc, etc, etc... he could just waltz in and take out the entire organization with no problem whatsoever.

I never understood that.

Good job
12
12
Review of Birmingham  
Review by werden
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Beautiful story filled with great characters and vivid description.

My only criticism is I am not sure if the dream sequence has a place. It doesn't fit with the rest of the story. I thought, at first, it would foreshadow something but then you went in a different direction.

Still, overall this is a good story.

I especially liked the ending.
13
13
Review of Illusions  
Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.5)
An interesting story.

I liked the way you began and the way you described the characters.

Yes, I figured out the twist when you mentioned "the Exterminators"

I enjoyed the ending and thought it was humorous.

Nice job.

Write on.
14
14
Review by werden
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
An incredible story.

You told it well with vivid descriptions of both the characters and the scenery.

I also liked the transitions you used to connect each scene.

You told it so well I am not sure whether it is a story or a retelling of an actual event.

Either way, thank you for sharing.

Write on.
15
15
Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.0)
I had a friend who passed away from cancer. I saw her the night she died so I know what that could be like.

A touching story though you told more then you showed especially towards the end. But that's okay.

I liked the light shining through the door at the end.

Thanks for sharing.

Write On.
16
16
Review of Train of Thought  
Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.5)
A nice story.

You described the characters and the scenery very well.

You used nice misdirection because I thought, at first, that the doll was indeed a child.

I liked the ending as well...it was heartfelt and I saw the symbolism of the doll.

Nice job.

Write On.
17
17
Review of The Condition  
Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.5)
Most amusing.... I liked the section about driving while writing. That was a nice little line inserted to show what kind of problem this person was really having.

You described the character's descent to rock-bottom well. I feel for the guy because I would hate it if my wife made that demand to me.

The best part is the end. Having a recovering writerholic to write an apology is beatiful irony.

Nice job
18
18
Review of Hunger  
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Good story. You described the main character's struggles very well with good descriptions. You kept me engaged from beginning to end.

I liked your use of short, quick sentences....

I also liked the ending where the hero survived....

Good job.
19
19
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A wonderfully told story.

All your descriptions were very good, you drew me into the story and kept me there.

I thought, at first, from your headline that this would be a horror story..... but of course it isn't.

I have to say that the ending was predictable... I expected the girl to be a ghost but you still handled it very well.

Nice job.
20
20
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a powerful piece.

You told it very well.

I assume this is a true testimony but this could also be a fictious story.

You told it so well that I really can't tell.

The truths contained are just as real.

My heart goes out to addicts since I have to deal with so many of my own.

There are so many addictions and so many addicts. Personally, I think everyone is an addict to some degree or another.

Thanks for sharing.
21
21
Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.5)
A well-thought out essay.

You made your point concise and very clear.

I would recommend that you put a space between each paragraph to make for easier reading.

I am a christian and I have no problem with atheists unless of course they try to convert me to atheism.

How they do that is accusing me of being delusional, not thinking, not being rational, etc, etc.

So I can understand how an atheist feels when a christian continuasly trys to convert him

Nice job
22
22
Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for the information.

That was very helpful and informative.

I have one question.

Do you think another story should be sent to a publisher that gave you the standard decline?

23
23
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hilarious...

Your teacher handled that very well... all things considered.

It was probably a good thing it took till your 10th grade to learn the meaning of the word.

I can imagine how you would have felt if you released what you did while still in the 8th grade.

Thanks for sharing.

24
24
Review of Mr Greely  
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Good story

Or was it a true recollection of an event in your past?

No need to answer.... but those are my favorite 1st person stories, accounts so realistic the audience is left questionning whether or not the story actually happened.

You did that here

The tone and pace remind me of an adult trying to recall a childhood memory. The descriptions were good but spotty enough to keep with the overall tone and pacing.

Good job.
25
25
Review of My Beloved  
Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.5)
I thought this was a brilliant representation of Christ's temptation.

I could see His humanity all throughout this piece. He reacted in ways that a normal man would act.

I also could see glimpses of His divinity.

The devil never made an actual appearance but his presence could be vividly seen as well.

In fact, your representation of his tempting is more appropriate to what most people face.

I also liked the end where the palm trees bowed to Him.

Nice job.
144 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 6 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/wseerden