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571 Public Reviews Given
586 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to give comprehensive reviews.
I'm good at...
I like reviewing poetry and short stories.
Favorite Item Types
I really love structured poems with good rhythm and rhyme.
Least Favorite Item Types
I don't enjoy reading long stories riddled with grammar or spelling mistakes because these distract me.
I will not review...
If I don't enjoy reading it on some level, then I won't review it. So if you got a review from me, even one with a low rating, I enjoyed the read.
Public Reviews
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Review of Maelstrom  
Review by Zhen
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello T.L.Finch,

Have you considered publishing your poetry? It is that good.

There are two lines in this poem that didn't flow perfectly for me, although they are very good and my opinion is subjective. I am including these two lines here so that you can take a look at them if you want to. I have no suggestions for improvement; I am truly impressed with your writing.

*Flower1*Feared by silently brooding soldiers

*Flower2*So, be it by the gun or by the bomb.

Now, to genre: You classify your work as Fantasy :: Entertainment :: Artistic, but I think it is a war poem. To me, 'fantasy' conjures happy images of unicorns and other similar creatures. Would you consider changing the genres you've chosen to War :: none :: none ?

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

Member of "Invalid Item" 

Writing.Com authors receiving my reviews may want to read, "Invalid Item" 
277
277
Review of Alice In  
Review by Zhen
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great work.

Usually I start with 'hello'. *Wink*

What I really enjoy about this poem is how well the emotions are expressed. I admire this because I find it challenging to express emotion in my writing.

What distracts me while reading is a couple of typos:
*item1* "why you cant get the" -- can't
*item1* "you cant get around" -- can't

Just so you know, there are some cultures on Earth in which it is perfectly normal and healthy to feel and express emotions very strongly. What is 'ill' and medicatable in North American culture is 'healthy and normal behaviour' somewhere else.

I am really glad you joined Writing.Com and I look forward to seeing more of your writing. You have a strong style and I like that.

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

Member of "Invalid Item" 

Writing.Com authors receiving my reviews may want to read, "Invalid Item" 
278
278
Review of If God was a tree  
Review by Zhen
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Angie,

This is a warm poem with a comforting image, and I like that. However, there is a gammatical error in the title and first line: If God were a tree...

I'm loking forward to reading more of your work.

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

Member of "Invalid Item" 

Writing.Com authors receiving my reviews may want to read, "Invalid Item" 
279
279
Review by Zhen
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Pony Tail,

This is a very strong, well-written poem I really like the imagery. And I learned a new word: griseous.

However, the second verse has too many comparisons for me to maintain my sense of the real image, and more specifically uses the word 'like' too often.

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

Member of "Invalid Item" 

Writing.Com authors receiving my reviews may want to read, "Invalid Item" 
280
280
Review of Become  
Review by Zhen
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Odoyle,

Welcome to Writing.Com!

This poem captures your feeling of disillusionment very well, and the genre is well chosen. I have difficulty parsing the line, "For all we are but monsters"; do you mean, "For we are all but monsters"?

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

Member of "Invalid Item" 

Writing.Com authors receiving my reviews may want to read, "Invalid Item" 
281
281
Review of A What?  
Review by Zhen
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Pony Tail,

I like this poem! You have paid a lot of attention to details, including the genre. It's a very pleasant read and makes me want to have my own experiences with this kind of animal.

The last line didn't flow for me, though. It reads, "and where the heck it is you went" and I'd prefer, "and where the heck you went". But that's me and you don't need to make this change if you like the original flow better.

Oh, no, now I see the problem. "What wonders when..." this is the same as a habitual conditional clause and the habitual conditional is always expressed in the present tense. So the word that doesn't work is "went" (it should be "go"). But "went" rhymes.

Okay, this is a grammar problem that I don't know how to fix. Whence a lower rating. But here's my promise: if you can fix the grammar and let me know, I'll give this work a higher rating. Deal? *Smile*

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

Member of "Invalid Item" .

Writing.Com authors receiving my reviews may want to read, "Invalid Item" 
282
282
Review by Zhen
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a very nice poem in which the author describes what it can be like to miss one's muse.

*Bigsmile* Yes, writing is just like it's described sometimes! *Laugh* I didn't know what quintilla poetry was so I had to look it up. I think I found the same instructions on the internet that the author used, and we can all be happy to know that Google puts this Writing.Com poem higher on the results list than the instructions on writing in this form.

*Flower1* The only thing that made me feel that this poem wasn't written for me was the flow - the rhythm could still use some work.

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

Member of "Invalid Item" .

Writing.Com authors receiving my reviews may want to read, "Invalid Item" 
283
283
Review of The Free Fall  
Review by Zhen
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a nice feel-good story about facing one's fears. I found no errors in the writing, but these two things jumped out at me:

*Flower3* The sentence, "Just quietly, I asked Normie if he had chickened out." works better for me with the word 'just' removed.

*Flower5* The ending, "Normie was proud of me, too. It was a good feeling." would I think be stronger and more touching if the last sentence were deleted.

Can you convey more of the fear that everyone was feeling? This is potentially a powerfully emotional story.

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

Member of "Invalid Item" .

Writing.Com authors receiving my reviews may want to read, "Invalid Item" 
284
284
Review of An Old Friend  
Review by Zhen
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, I like your poem better than mine *Smile*... we'll see what the judges think. Thanks for your humour!

Zhen
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285
Review by Zhen
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I'm rating this high inspite of typos & such because this is a truly remarkable piece. Yes, there is a certain grit which polite society avoids, and without that grit life just isn't real.

Technical stuff:

Please double space all paragraphs - it makes reading your work much easier *Smile*

Typo: "a problem that is finally solved and resolved, create a score of others?" -- creates

Typo: "I didn't want to go too far in." -- want to go in too far.

Typo: "wanted to burst forth from me." -- delete from me


Typo: "I ran fast too." -- fast, too

Typo?: "tears of grief and the words" -- grief as the ?

Typo: "the words of life ran through my head with me." -- delete with me

Typo: "they're deep breaths" -- breaths. (missing period)

Peace & power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com
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286
Review of the balance  
Review by Zhen
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi!

This is a tough one to rate and review because your writing style is unusual. Here's my thought process: I'm not going to comment on typos (spelling, grammar or punctuation errors) because I think all the typos give your writing a unique and appealing style. I do wish you had finished this story - I found it interesting and was really looking forward to the twists!

Oh: people on writing.com have different opinions about this: I think a mystery should be a mystery until you choose to reveal it (including at the end, if that's your choice). You gave your story away in the Brief Description - is this what you really want to do?

My reason for the 3.0 rating: Had you finished this story I would have given it a much higher rating. This is still high in light of the typos, which I'm overlooking.

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

Member of the "Invalid Item" , and "Invalid Item" 

Writers receiving my reviews may want to read, "Invalid Item" 
287
287
Review by Zhen
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi!

I've been experimenting with links in my pieces - some people like them and some don't. I think it's the younger generation that supports this - the ones who have been reading the web/internet for 9 years. Anyway, I think your reference, 'Excerpt from "The Amazing Adventures of K. Kelly"' should be an item link.

Your poem is good. I saw no typos in spelling or punctuation and I like the flow. But I didn't feel anything. I think feeling something is an important part of poetry.

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

Member of the "Invalid Item" , and "Invalid Item" 

Writers receiving my reviews may want to read, "Invalid Item" 
288
288
Review of in that order  
Review by Zhen
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very accurate. I saw / heard this happen just a few days ago and, yes, popping a paper bag makes more noise than the splooph with which a life is extinguished by a truck. You have written a very accurate poem, and a very touching one.

I would make only one change (for you to consider, forget what I say if you want): "the puddle of blood remains" I think the word pool (pool of blood) flows better. The analogy between the blood and the crowd is clear enough with the words pool and puddle.

(In the real life one I witnessed, there was no crowd, I didn't know her, and it was inevitable. Splooph. Makes me happy to be alive.)

*Flower1* Write on *Flower1*

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

Member of The Ultimate Writing Challenge, and Simply Everything
289
289
Review of Symbols of Love  
Review by Zhen
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
For me the rhythm and flow isn't perfect, but I know that is a subjective thing. Also, I like all your images, but it makes me wonder: Is this how you have experienced love? Have you ever had any other experience of love? Perhaps something more visceral?

I really like that you end with the question, "How can one define love?" That's an excellent question to ask your readers. Kudos.

I saw no typos or other errors.

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

Member of The Ultimate Writing Challenge, and Simply Everything
290
290
Review by Zhen
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for writing this. It was exactly what I needed to read after receiving several rude comments from one of our members. Your writing soothes me and reminds me of what I came here to do.

Thank you so much,
Zhen
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291
Review by Zhen
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was purrfect for me.

Am I allowed to rate and review contest entries? I haven't got a clue - never been a contest judge before.

I think you may have one too many or one to few (paragraph) returns in:

"...be quite fun.
So the three of us hop in the car and take off. "

Oh - you win!
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292
Review by Zhen
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Typo: "to any effected by my error" effect is a noun; affect is a verb.

Typo: "for the passed week" past

"For seven days he had slept for at most an hour each night, he’d wake up, light a cigarette, and stare at the gun." Motivated by Navy SEALs' "Hell Week"? (kidding) :)

If you want a pun, "squeezing the trigger thus far", change thus to so. :)

Say it once, not twice: "paid just enough for rent, food, and booze and barely enough for that anyway"

For me, this is an awkward sentence: "The only thing he had left in life were alcohol and the couple of friends he had whom he went and drank with every weekend." ..with whom.. sometimes flows better. We ususally say 'a couple', and such friends as these have many alternate names depending on where you live. In Nova Scotia, for example, they are buddies. In South England they are mates. In Vancouver, well, anything goes there, but I've actually heard them called skanks - Minority Usage! Here in China they are called 'bad people'.

"the barrel combined with his sweat chilled him." Huh?

Typo: "Judd was next in line to succeed Herald" no next.

"two hours later... no longer drunk" from stupor to sobriety in 2 hours? Is that possible?

Typo: "wallet in tact," intact

Typo? Or Tanya can't spell? "'Salvation and love awaits you'" (sic?) await. (I have a character who can't spell.)

"drive-up road" driveway?

"He’ll talk to you and see if you’re what we’re looking for." Nice psyche-trip; well done.

"replied simply" consider deleting simply, and all -ly words for that matter.

Please spell Fr. consistently - as Father or as Fr. .

I like where I think you're going. We'll see...

Have you read any of the books listed in (below) about cults:

http://www.rickross.com/reference/apologist/CultAp...

Or this about relativism:

http://www.rickross.com/reference/apologist/CultAp...

I'll keep reading your work, and reviewing. Just curious to know, how "into" mind ownership are you?

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

Member of The Ultimate Writing Challenge, and Simply Everything

DISCLAIMER: I am still learning to review by the guidelines set out in "How Should I Rate Items on Writing.Com?"  and "Comment-In-A-Box" .
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Review of Never Die  
Review by Zhen
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
I think "dark with a hint of positive" is more apt.

Is it a song? Just wondering. Sometimes when I write poetry I hear music in my head.

Even the most dead heart can love again. So long as the body still breathes. Is this what you are saying in the lines:
"But your love kept me alive
Now I know I will never die
Never ever die"

Sorry I need to ask. It is a little unclear to me.

Thank you for sharing these thoughts with us.

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen
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294
Review by Zhen
Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved this! I teach kids English and this story really brightened my day. May I read it to my students to brighten their day, too?

Jenn
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