%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |  A third blog? A good idea? A fresh start? A disaster? An omen? ...who knows anything? |
I nearly gave up on blogging and WDC. Then life threw another huge curveball and I felt like giving up on everything. But I'm Scarlett...I keep trying and hoping. I know not where this will go but I take it one day at a time.   |
On the advice of Chanon   I have used the gift points I have to purchase two months of membership, but after that I think there will be no solution but to drop to a basic membership and whatever that entails. I'll be upset to lose the items in my portfolio, particularly the blogs which record my life experiences from as far back as 2005. And what experiences they have been. One reason I wanted stay on WDC as long as possible has been to read through all my blog entries for research purposes in order to progress with the book I am now determined to complete if possible. The journey was absorbing and interesting, but the pain almost unbearable at times. I have managed to export my blogs onto my computer, but of course they take on a very basic form with no photos or comments, but there's nothing I can do about that. Whether the visits to the past are a factor I don't know, but I've been feeling rather low and tired of things lately. My son and grand monsters are presently on holiday in Thailand and much as I don't normally see them every day or depend on them a lot, I think it has made me realise how alone and vulnerable I am in this world. I think I miss my husband more now than ever. I'm not a hypocrite and know my marriage was far from perfect, but our holidays, trips to America, times with family and friends seem so precious now and knowing there'll be no more is deeply upsetting. My life in my new home is better than where I lived previously, but being solely responsible for every task and bill takes its toll and accentuates my weaknesses. I despise people obsessed by money, but we all need it to survive. Living on one pension instead of two makes things very tight. Council taxes, utility bills and basic every day needs do not alter a great deal when two becomes one and I struggle. There are many a lot worse off and I'm grateful for what I do have, but luxuries are now a thing of the past and the reason I cannot afford the WDC fees. The Lottery win still eludes me and always will. I am not looking for another husband or a permanent relationship, but on the advice of a new friend from my writing group I explored the possibilities of dating sites for the more mature in years. Someone to share walks, meals, cinema, theatre and maybe the odd holiday appeals on some levels, but again the fees these sites charge are out of my range. Maybe I should start my own for duck lovers or old cynics. But I am grateful for the many caring people I do have in my life, both male and female and the new friends I have made here through joining several groups. I'll be sad to downsize on WDC, but writing my book is now top priority and I may or may not manage to find a free blogging site in which to continue my rambles. This blog has helped me survive so many traumas and I will always appreciate that. If anyone knows the winning Lottery numbers for any weeks between now and October please let me know. |
Another nineteen blogless days and little to show for it. A quick summary. The heatwave continues. This country is just not able to deal with it. I love hot weather and blue skies, but have to admit the limitations it imposes are a little frustrating. It's difficult to do any heavy housework or travel far. A swimming pool would be very welcome. However, come winter I shall be the first to remind those who complain how much they complained about the hot summer. There's no pleasing the British when it comes to weather. Much as I love warm weather, I'm not too fond of the wildlife that comes with it. Flies are brilliant at finding their way inside through small openings,, but hopeless at finding their way out through wide open doors and windows. Eating out with a multitude of wasps is hardly ideal. Cat fleas are hard to eradicate despite tablets, sprays, pipettes and specialised flea combs. Dennis and I have spent many evenings scratching. I have enjoyed some great days out with friends and my sister as well as helping out at the book festival in my town. My writing group are very supportive and I am presently attempting to put together the long awaited and overdue book of my personal story. I have a title and book cover, the first three chapters, a synopsis but have yet to complete details of all chapters. It is indeed a very long and complicated story which continues. I spent last night at a very enjoyable school reunion which turned into my birthday after midnight. It was good to be amongst friends and to have a sleepover which ensured I didn't wake up to an empty house on my birthday. Tomorrow is my grandson Dylan's tenth birthday so more celebrations. I suspect my blogging days are coming to a close. My membership expires at the end of this month and I cannot afford to renew or justify the cost when I don't do a great deal here any longer. It's sad, but all things come to an end. I'll always remember the great times I've had through WDC and the people I've added to my friends list. But the time has come...Who knows what the future holds? |
Another 18 days without a blog in sight.  Admittedly there isn't the same motivation or reasons to write in it every day as there used to be, but it staggers me how swiftly the days pass by in a blur. I do worry about my memory at times as sometimes I fear I can't remember the things I've been doing. One reason I decided to keep a small diary to record the exciting (not) life I lead. I won't keep it, but at least it's there if I want to look back and check out where all the time has gone. So here, without further ado is a record of the last 18 days since I blogged. Day 1 - Cleaned the kitchen floor, chopped down some ivy outside, shopped and chatted to my sis on Skype. It was very hot. Day 2 - Hoovered downstairs, sat outside reading, cut more ivy, shopped and watched The Handmaiden on T.V. It was very hot. Day 3 - Went to a theme park called Alton Towers with Paul & the grand monsters. Called in at my sisters nearby. It was very hot. Day 4 - Had my gas boiler serviced, cleaned the bathroom, went to the hairdressers, shopped, watered plants. It was very hot. Day 5 - Had a reflexology session with friend John. Went to Nottingham to meet an old schoolfriend. Trains were all late on return. It was very hot. Day 6 - Took the bus to Nottingham for a hospital appointment. Bought some cards. Ate at the writing group summer meal out. It was very hot. Day 7 - Painted an outdoor lamp, Went to Knitters & Natters then met a friend for coffee. Went to see my St Louis neighbour. It was very hot. Day 8 - Had a headache. Hung out washing. Went shopping. Watched tennis on T.V. Phoned friends. It was very hot. Day 9 - Hung more washing out. Went to Paul's house to supervise the kids and climbed ironing mountain there. It was very hot. Day 10 - Took a long walk by the river and went to a retail park. Bought very little. Phoned a friend. It was very hot. Day 11 - Met a friend in town and went to the Secret Garden for lunch. Chatted to an online friend. It was very hot. Day 12 - Had reflexology with my friend John. Shopped. Hoovered upstairs. Flead the cat. Phoned my sis. It was very hot. Day 13 - Some friends from Kirkby came over. Did a few jobs for me and had lunch out. Ten years since my Mum passed.  It was very hot.Day 14 - Went to Knitters & Natters then met a friend for coffee. A very long men's semi final at Wimbledon on T.V. It was very hot. Day 15 - Met my sister at the station then spent the day on a stall for the book Festival. Went to see a local author at the theatre. It was very hot. Day 16 - Sis and I helped man the writing stall at the Book Festival. Bought a few books. Went for a meal with Paul & the kids. It was very hot. Day 17 - Had lunch out with sis and a friend. Took sis to the station for her train home then shopped. It was very hot. Day 18 - Hung out washing, repotted house plants, shopped and wrote a blog of sorts. It is not quite as hot. Bet you're riveted and in awe of my exiting life after all that. I guess I should be grateful I'm well enough and able to do all these things. I may not remember much about events of this summer in the future, but I'm sure I'll never forget it's the hottest one I can remember in a long, long time. No complaints about that. |
After one of the longest and wettest winters I can ever remember, England is now basking in a heatwave. I say basking, but some may describe it as suffering, This country does not handle extremities of weather conditions very well as it's rare we have any. Recent observations. It has taken three days before sending out the armed forces to a fire raging on the Yorkshire Moors. This is a beautiful part of the country and the damage is pretty extensive. Our emergency services are stretched to the hilt and cannot deal with a situation like this. Enough rain fell over the winter to fill every reservoir to overflowing, but already there are warnings of water shortages. Hose pipe bans and restrictions on water usage are bound to follow. The Football World Cup means all men watching the matches leave their doors open in this heat, so the air is filled with orgasmic whoops and screams as games are won and lost. It also means the male species not built to wear skimpy attire will.  Trains are delayed and cancelled as the railway tracks expand in the heat and train drivers fail to report for duty. Schools start cancelling Sport's Days and outside activities for fear of children overdosing on sunshine. They are frequently smothered in Factor 50 suncream. I realise protection is necessary, but in a country where warm weather is the exception rather than the rule I think we're a bit OTT about it. As for me, I love it. The perfect excuse to not travel far, cancel housework or strenuous activity and catch up with reading outside. Bliss. I'm also using it as a rehearsal for my month in Arizona later in the year. Mind you, my phone has displayed a screen informing me its temperature is too high to use it until its cooled down. That's definitely a first. |
| Twenty three days since the last entry seems almost impossible, but in my defence it has been an extremely busy time. When isn't it? Thankfully we've enjoyed some better weather on and off which is most welcome to this sun worshipper. However, the week I spent with my sister in Northumberland was cloudy, cool and windy. The weather witch is alive and well. But it was a lovely break and we did a lot of walking as well as eating, drinking, getting lost, reminiscing and laughing. It's a lovely part of our island where we stayed by the sea and also visited Newcastle, Durham, Sunderland, Tynemouth and other interesting places. We'll definitely be going south next time, God willing, in the hope of better weather conditions. Dennis now has a cat flap which has advantages and disadvantages, but at least it enabled him to come and go as he pleased while I was away. My cat sitter was on hand and although she visited every day she didn't see him once. My son also helped out. I've spent some time with good friends which I always appreciate. Now my son has moved out I've had to get used to being alone again and it's not easy. Seeing other people is very important in these circumstances. I looked after the grand monsters for two days while he moved house and they are now settled in the new area. It's a lovely house in a very quiet and safe area and I'm hoping this will be the start of better things to come for them all. The children have coped amazingly well and made loads of new friends already. This will help tremendously with the transition to new schools when the time comes. His wife is still in hospital and still displaying signs of paranoia, so is likely to be there for a while yet. She hasn't seen much of the children as a social worker has to take them and her time is limited. It makes us sad, particularly as Bobby had his fifth birthday last week, but there is little we can do. All we hope for is that she will ultimately respond to treatment and help, be able to interact with the children but accept her relationship with my son is over and be amicable and reasonable about things. I suspect the latter will be unlikely. I'm hoping for a quieter time during the rest of the summer, but won't hold my breath as life rarely behaves as we wish in my experience. I keep forgetting to add the links to chapters of my book. The last two are short background entries, but the one I am writing at present is extremely painful and intense. I appreciate feedback enormously, but please don't feel obligated. This is a personal project and not something intended specifically for WDC. I'm also on a diet...again.  |
It seems Mey Ling has been sectioned and will be detained on a psychiatric ward for at least twenty-eight days. We don't know the details, but my son has been told not to take the children to see her although she has been phoning them. He presently has full custody of the children and it is likely their mother will only be able to see them under supervision when the time comes. It's all very sad and certainly not what we wanted, but it has been obvious to us for a long time that she has severe mental health problems and I can only wonder why this has not been dealt with before now. But whatever problems she has are better handled by professionals and we can only hope things will improve as it would be very distressing for her not to see her children and unfair on them too. The future is still very uncertain and there is no point predicting, but for the time being the focus has to be on the future of my son and the children. He is presently clearing and cleaning the house they have lived in and will be moving much closer to myself in just over a week. We did not know the children were going to be in his full time care so it now looks likely they will have to transfer to different schools which will be upsetting and a big upheaval for them, but hopefully for the best ultimately. It's a fresh start for them all and I can only hope for the better. My one wish would be for my son to eventually meet someone who would treat him with the respect and love he deserves, but I leave that to fate. I know it's his least concern at present and we don't tend to have much luck when it comes to happy ever after. I know my role is going to involve the children a lot more than I anticipated and I can only do my best for them all. Although I have always feared his relationship would never be a success story, I could never have predicted the series of events leading up to this. I wish things could have ended differently, but he has no choice but to leave her behind now and focus on a new life. I just hope and pray we can all cope with it and things may settle into a more peaceful time. I better touch wood. |
After the high of a lovely day out in London came the lows of suffering from the most horrendous cold ever. And I exaggerate not. Maybe it's my advancing years, the stress of life at present or the type of bugs lurking, but I can honestly say I don't ever remember having a cold so severe or for so long. I've had to cancel several social appointments and have barely moved from the house in the last two weeks. But the good news is I have decided to join my friends when they travel to Tuscon, Arizona in November for a month. I haven't had a holiday since my husband passed and really don't fancy going anywhere alone. They have asked me several times to join them, but memories of our trips to the USA would be too painful. However, this time they're flying and unlike trips before I shall be staying in one place in my own accommodation and hopefully just recharging batteries and enjoying some sunshine. I hate November in England as you well know. Just need to get rid of this bug before then and a Lottery win would also be very welcome. My son has been cleared of all charges against him and his bail is lifted, so thankfully that's one less problem. He is going to rent a property temporarily fairly close to where I live in a lovely, quiet area with plenty of room for the children. In theory their mother will take them to school in Derby in the week and he will have them at weekends and other opportunities during the week and holidays. I think the children will be better off with this arrangement, though we still have many concerns about their mother and her erratic behaviour. But, this morning my son was all set to leave for a week of work in London after dropping the children off at school when he received a phone call to say their mother has been admitted to hospital so he has had to abandon all plans, pick up the children from school and return to the house in Derby, which he's not too thrilled about. We gather it's a mental health ward she's been admitted to so what happens next we have no idea. As usual it's one day at a time sweet Jesus. |
Life continues to be hectic and bizarre with the family situation still unresolved. I just have to keep faith there will be a satisfactory conclusion at some stage, but in the meantime all I can do is help and support my son and the children. At least we've had a few days of dry, decent weather, although I have a cold which isn't ideal in sunny climes. But you know I'm not one to complain.  But, amongst all the worry, chaos and humdrum I have done something I never thought I'd do and feel quite proud. The internet receives so much bad press and the media are always too willing to report the downsides. My experiences wouldn't make headline news, but I am truly grateful for all the success, pleasure and particularly the people the internet has brought into my life. I have made countless friends on WDC and other sites and also from playing online Scrabble many years ago. All of these people have contributed a great deal to my life and also been a great help during some very tough times over the years. I am also proud of how many of these people I have met in person and never once been disappointed by them, just the opposite in fact. It staggers me how this has come about, particularly as these wonderful friends are scattered all over the world. My life has been enhanced by people from America, New Zealand, Australia, Canada and of course my own little island. One of my most competitive and regular Scrabble partners was Mexican, which is rare in an English based game and even though the days of Scrabble are over, we have always kept in touch on and off. After seventeen years I never imagined we would ever meet. However, it turned out he had a business trip planned in London this last week and the opportunity seemed too good to miss. So, on Wednesday which happened to be the first real spring day of the year, I travelled to London on the train with a heavy dose of nerves and wondering if I'd made a bad decision. It could not have been a better day. I felt like I had known him all my life and the nerves soon dissipated with flowing conversation and much laughter. In general I find the person who types behind the screen is rarely very different in reality. We had coffee, then an excellent lunch and I felt very proud of taking him to Harrods on the underground with no hitches. It was the boost I needed after such a long winter and so much trauma at home. Taking a risk doesn't always pay off, but I am so glad I decided to do that. It's late in life for me, but I think I will add 'Feel the fear and do it anyway,' to my mantra of words to live by. My favourite is still "One day at a time sweet Jesus,' but I'll admit that was one day I will never forget and just hope there will be others equally as delightful. |
Sometimes I watch a film or a television drama and conclude the plots are too far fetched and events not believable. If I read a description of my life and situation at present I think I'd reach the same conclusion if I wasn't living right in the middle of it all. It's far too complex to go into detail, but I can report a few observations. Whatever is wrong with my son's wife is a mental condition I have never witnessed or heard of before. Paranoia and psychosis don't even touch the sides. Social workers, child protection and other authorities are about as helpful and efficient as a chocolate teapot in the desert. A good night's sleep in a bed is rapidly becoming a distant memory. I don't know of any mother who doesn't seem to care that she hasn't seen her children in over a week. The longest, wettest winter on record still hangs around and yet more snow is forecast. There is a lot more, far too complicated and bizarre to describe. I just long for a time when or if there is something else to think/talk/worry/complain and write about. |
| Well, it only took four weeks before she kicked off again. She's either on drugs, completely insane or has a twisted agenda. I suspect the latter. The children were delivered to me by the police at 3am on Saturday morning and Paul was allowed to join us in the early hours of Sunday morning. So, here we go again. They are now in her care and Paul will stay with me until a decision is made as to whether he finds a new place or she moves elsewhere and he can return to the house. We will have the children at weekends for the time being. He will NOT be going back to her. Again, it's a long complicated story, but this time Paul has done nothing wrong and she is making ridiculous accusations. I hope it won't be long before authorities can see how unstable she is, but the future is...still unknown. Another chapter posted, though I'm aware it needs tweaking, but it's all I could manage under the circumstances. "Invalid Entry"  } |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
) I try to dress according to the color of the day. Thursday is orange. Once I dress accordingly I only need to look at what I'm wearing to be reminded. 
If I put on the wrong color though...
