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 |   My journey through (and beyond) the valley with Cancer as my companion. |
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Dear Friend: This is not a Blog about writing! (I already have one of those.) This is a blog about a journey I am taking with illness. I have recently been diagnosed with Cancer. My goal is honest therapy as I progress through, and beyond this new reality in my life. I hope that, somewhere along the way you will find some words that will help you too. While this is, in fact, an interactive Blog, I hope that you will scroll slowly down this page. For you see, the front of this Blog IS my journey. The entries are conversations that are held along the journey.Yes, there is a lot on it--before actually getting to the Blog entries. But, I hope that by the objects and words which appear before the Blog itself, you might come to understand just a little bit about me, and my journey, and some truly amazing friends who have agreed to journey with me. I hope that you, too, will choose to accompany me on my walk--through the Valley. I invite you to join me, and discover the wondrous truths, meet some truly amazing people, and share those "memorable" moments this journey will undoubtedly present. Come along, won't you? In His Care, ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Would you like to help me help others? I found this amazing organization, and I am proud to be a sponsor. I hope you will check it out. It's called The Network For Good.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "RISUS OMNIA - INCRUMENTUS PER DEDECUS - SAPIENTIA PER DAMNUM" ("Every thing is funny - Growth through humiliation - Wisdom through loss") ~Leunig~ The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse. ~Helen Keller~ "If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people." ~Virginia Woolf~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "There is strength in truth." ~The Barton Family Crest~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” — Helen Keller, American social activist, public speaker and author (1880-1968) I have moved the list of my thanks for those who have helped to make this little Blog so very special. I hope that you will take a moment to read the list, growing every day, and let these fellow travellers along this journey know that you appreciate the contributions they make to our walk together.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please feel free to click on the Blog Rings icon below to be transported to some of the very best of the Best Bloggers around WDC. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** If you are new to WDC, or to our Blogging community, I highly recommend the monthly edition of "The Blogville News". Feel free to click below, and let Scarlett   know that a Blogger sent ya!Hey! We've started a Christian's Blog Ring on WDC. Click on the logo, and join us! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Budroe
 Ring LeaderI have three publications at the moment. Here is a link to purchase my latest one. Buy a great read, and help a fellow writer out, Okay?  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Friends and fellow writers: I am here. July is, as I write this, black. That this will be the first entry for the month tells much. Yes, there are some medical issues in play. But, moreso, I have become involved in the political scene. I have had several opportunities to express my views, become active in some causes, and even have had the privilege of being a guest instructor at The Kennedy School of Political Science at Harvard University. (Online education is awesome!). All of these things seem so very important in these days. But, they are all, as important as they are, a very far distance from finishing "The Salt Lake Concert", much less the necessary editing and revision process to somehow pare down 120K words down to the 80K I want. Lord, grant me an editor! :) Things of a writing nature, outside daily blogs on political sites, seems to be nearly foreign these days. As I have often stated, sometimes things happen at the speed of life. Those things have consumed my time of late. I am here. But, here I am quiet. There is a reason for that. To post political writings here is a devilish thing sometimes. To state your opinion on a matter of national, state, or local concern here as a published item can evoke unanticipated response from those who not only disagree with you, but find your positions antithetical to the "me" many of you "know" here at WDC. I would honestly state that I fear posting items of writing which specifically state my positions or opinions on one thing or another could well end in my being isolated in this group, like it has in many other groups that I have held dear to my living in these days. One thing that I have learned is that stating your views, opinions and positions can result in your exclusion from important groups in your living. That has been, over the previous months, a very rough road to travel. Because of my feelings or activity politically, as a citizen, there have been those who wish no longer to have any affiliation with me. Even those who gave long and passionate denials in some groups have decided that I am not worthy of their acknowledgement or friendship. I would rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I am not. It's kind of a mantra, of late. There was a time in my membership here where that happened. It was wrong then. I believe it would be wrong now, or again. I'd really rather not have to suffer through that sadness again. So, as much writing as I am doing on a daily basis on blogs, sites, and for magazines and other projects, I am keeping that work from this community. I'm not sure who, or what that is betraying, quite frankly. I just wanted my friends here to understand, and understand why my presence here has been a bit "sparse" of late. I love you all, so very much. You are, and have consistently been my heroes on this journey. The journey continues, but has taken a few decidedly different turns. More on that soon. I hope this will find each of you to be safe, well and happy. I am quiet, not absent. I am rooting for you, cheering you on from behind this monitor, and hoping that every member of this journey is actively involved in the hectic, and sometimes frustrating process of BEING. Here. Nevertheless, I do remain, In His Care. Budroe ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| There are things in life that bring you joy, or peace. For me, the art of Thomas Kinkaide has always brought me joy, and peace. His works have graced my life, my homes, and my offices for many years. I feel a close kinship with this talented and faith-strong man because of the joy and peace his work has brought to my life. I have always seen his work as a benchmark of success in my work because there have been times in my life when I sincerely hoped that my work was, in some way, as effective to those I served as his work has been to me. The subtlety of Kinkaide's work, the mastery of his art form, and the purposeful inclusion of his representation of his faith in "light" has always impressed me. His works have been to me his personal statements of faith. I wish I could be so clear and understandable when sharing my faith. Over the years, his statements have remained strong and fresh for me. That is why, I think, I have so enjoyed seeing his work become and stay so successful. It is for this, among other reasons that I was so saddened to learn of his passing on April 6th, 2012. We all hope that our very best work will somehow continue to speak for us when we leave. We most often have no idea whether our life, or our life work truly matters to those with whom we share it. Our words spoken, our acts completed, or our words written do extend beyond our morality. Sometimes that is a concern, and sometimes that is a hope. The consistent message of Thomas Kinkaide will most surely have immense impact for a very long time to come. It is a great message shared by a great and very humble man. He will be missed. But his message, and his work, will grace our lives and hearts for a very long time. We should all have such a legacy. In His Care. Budroe ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
I wrote a piece last night, late.
It is my Easter Reflection for 2012. It is a little (but only just a little) strange that it should be written on Vigil Saturday of Holy Week, and not today. I wanted to explain why I wrote it yesterday. This is a Journal about a journey. The journey continues, even today. For those called upon this journey, or who care and walk alongside those called to this journey, every moment is Vigil Saturday. The two do walk side-by-side, hand-in-hand. For many more than there should be (to my way of thinking), the Vigil just doesn't end. Every breath, and every heartbeat is not only a gift, but a betrayal. The questions just never end, and they are not easy questions to face. Am I the reason I am on this journey? Was it what I did, or failed to do? Will this journey destroy all I have spent my life being, or meaning? Must everyone I care for suffer? Do they hate me for this? Will it hurt? Must the Doctors always be right? How can anyone survive the sheer enormity of the costs involved with this illness? Has everyone left me? Is there nobody who can love me now? What will become of my anger, my fear? What will become of theirs? Is there just no hope? Must I resign myself to the inevitability of this insidious illness? I never knew that dying was so expensive! Who will pay? And what of my faith? Will it abide? Where did it go? How did such strong faith become so weak and miserable? It just never ends. Vigil Saturday represents for me, in a very real way, this journey which we all must travel at some point, to at least some degree. We all die. After all, Jesus did. But Jesus lived a promise, as well. There IS a tomorrow. For everyone travelling through the valley, the truth of the Gospel lives, even for us. Especially for us. And, on this Easter Sunday, 2012, we arrive at this truth through a very difficult journey, indeed. Yet, we are never alone on this journey, and that is a truth that we cannot deny. It is not from a false sense of hope that this truth arrives, and thrives. It is because the truth IS the truth. Our instinct recognizes truth, even while our minds attempt to deny it. The simple truth is that, if the truth does not agree with our world view, it is our world view which must be altered. That is the only way it works. That's why one of the first truths on this particular journey is that you very quickly determine what matters, and what doesn't. What doesn't matter, you discard as quickly as possible. It doesn't matter what you think, or how you have lived. Your opinions, prejudices, bigotries, hatreds, and emotional baggage belie your intellect and your logic. They are jettisoned. Today is the day of Vigil. It will be until we have that "great gettin' up mornin'" and stand beside the Lord of Lords, and King of Kings. Dying is easy. Leaving is the most difficult thing in all of life. If we cannot see the Sonrise, we just simply cannot make the journey. Friends help us, remind us of what truly matters. They help us make it through (and beyond) the Valley. Theirs are the arms Dad has to hug us with. Theirs are the eyes through which we can see tomorrow. They are the special Angels of God that lift us up when we forget how to fly. They are few, and much to be treasured. It is our friends who remind us by their actions, and not their words, the Jesus Lives. He lives in each one of us. [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Soli Deo Gloria! Happy Easter. In His Care. Budroe ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| It has been a while. We have worked for well over a year to get my body stabilized--or at least as stablizied as we can. We have had a very few good months, where I was more of a person than a patient. The past three weeks, however have pretty much seen a year's work diminish. The effects of the stroke are much more prevalent, and my old friends, the blood clots are back. With a vengence. Today, for instance, I got a double dose of Coumadin, and a double dose of Lovinox. My job today? Bedrest. Again. Feet higher than heart. The left leg seems to be the primary continuing problem atm, as the circulation is near zero. Much pain, and almost impossible to walk. We haven't found all the clots yet. My Doctor, a truly amazing man, is very upset with the situation. This is primarily due to the fact that I have been taking what is generally considered to be a lethal dose of Coumadin every day for the past year. So, how does one develop an entire army of blood clots throughout the body? Just lucky, I guess. Please know that I am not here involuntarily. I think fondly of, and pray for this community daily. I'll work my way back, again. Again. I'm just stubborn that way. I have not been completely idle, however. I have been pulled, kicking and screaming, out of my very willing self-retirement from the political life, and am writing a lot of political stuff. I keep it off-site to avoid the potential usurpation of the good will this community has given me over the past years. I have become quite the political animal, it would seem. Where I live, one with my political beliefs must take on predatory skills just to survive. And I also have a new radio talk show, each Sunday afternoon that discusses the political scene in the American South. The writing continues, very, very slowly. The second book is nearing first draft completion. I was 80% in November. I am 90% today. Slowly. As many have written to me regarding the Annual Lenten Adventure for 2012 (and the Advent Adventure before that), sadly their result is a direct reflection of the realities of my life. In the silence, however, the relationships have sustained me, and the work has been internal. Hopefully, we will "reset" for Advent 2012, and Easter 2013. I ask you to keep these activities in your best thoughts, and in your prayers. I have believed since beginning them that they were a real ministry--to someone. I mean, someone besides myself. Those of you who ARE adventurers know precisely what I mean. Life-changing is not something easily forgotten, nor easily withheld. Were it possible to do so, I would have done them. I will do them, with God's grace, blessing, and love, again. Mentally, I am ok. Spiritually, I am strong. Physically? Well, that's just too complicated to examine at the moment. Think complete and total train wreck, and back it off a quarter turn. That's where you'll find me. I remain in His Grace. I pray the same for you. Funny, all the entries of this journey through the valley have indicated footsteps for me. Now, those are in question. I love and miss you all. So much. Yet, and in all of this, I Do remain, In His Care, Budroe Budroe |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Advent: Day 20 (December 20th) "And so it was that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered." Scripture for today: Genesis 49:1-12 Deuteronomy 22:13-21 1 Sam. 1:11; 2:1-10 2 Sam. 5:7 Daniel 2:40-45 Joshua 12:9 Isaiah 49:6 Matthew 1:24 Luke 1:5, 68-79; 2:6, 29-32; 3: 23-28, 32 John 8:3-5 Additional texts (for understanding and context): Isaiah 7:14; 9:6 Micah 5:2 Matthew 1:16; 2:5 Luke 2 I suppose there are a couple of housekeeping chores to deal with here. Here is a most appropriate place to keep them, given the topic of today's verses. First of all, after some days down with medical issues, I felt this particular Adventure needed to stop. I especially felt this way after the kind of time I had dealing with other things that led to an eight-day cessation from the journey. Thanks to some disussion with another adventurer, I have concluded that this journey should continue to completion. That it may not match the calendar we originally established, is in the greater sense, of probably the least of importance--if we truly understand what this Adventure is about. So, after some reflection and prayer, and consultation with others, the Adventure will complete. Secondly, it has been said that the "work" of the adventure seems overwhelming to some along the journey. It feels that way to me sometimes, too. (See above) I can only share with the Adventurers that which compels me to write these activities, and invite others to participate. It's not entirely voluntary. The only option I have is whether or not I will agree do the work I have been given to do. But, like this journey, stopping somewhere along the way for a rest is possible, but stopping the journey short of our intended destination is not an option. The work must be done, because it is Dad's work. Whether an adventurer, or anyone else chooses to maintain commitment to the journey, or to the Adventure, or to the Adventurers is a personal decision each person called to this journey gets to make for themselves. As I have been lovingly reminded of late, there are a gazillion perfectly reasonable excuses for not completing this work. Most of them work, most of the time. But, when I have to face my Dad, no excuse is reasonable or acceptable. Does He understand me, my life, my weaknesses and failings? Well, of COURSE He does. He loves me through them, and because of them, and most importantly in spite of them. I know that many adventurers have had crisis moments during an adventure. Crises of life, and of faith, and of Spirit. Please don't be too shocked when I have one or several along a particular journey, either. Sorry to blow the illusion, but I don't fit well on a pedestal. I have a belly button, too. (I know. I looked!)  Everyone on, or associated with this journey gets to freely choose the level and extent of their participation--or not. That is a given for any Adventure. Because a daily writing here asks for your participation does not somehow bind you to do so. We know, from experience that you are much more likely to report a blessing, or a praise report if you do--even sometimes much later in or after the Adventure. One of the highest compliments the Adventure series has ever received was from an Adventurer who said to me that "I was just too tired to stay away!" I really loved that. His world was so completely upended, he had become so bone weary from the struggle, that the Adventure gave him rest and re-creation. That is a terribly high mark to achieve once, much less on a regular basis. But, the team who works on these Adventures keeps that as the mark of excellence we try to accomplish with every activity, and every word. We will continue to do so, and hope that you might choose to join us on an Adventure sometime soon. You never know when your world will be so busy, or torn apart, or messed up that you, too will find yourself just "too tired to stay away." Thirdly, I have been asked about the Scripture references for the adventure. The story of Advent is an "additive" one. Each Biblical reference adds a dimension of the story, or of understanding to the story of Advent. The list expands or contracts for each day's writing/activities based upon the topic for that day as it applies to the overall Adventure. We feel it to be in your best interest to read, study, and reflect on these Scriptures while doing your activities for the day. You may get to the point of immediate recognition when you see the Scriptural reference. For example, when you see a reference to {c}John 3:16, you may well immediately recognize it as the authorizing scripture. Using the same example, you may study and learn this scripture to the point of being immediately able to quote it just be seeing the reference. When you understand completely why this is known as the authorizing Scripture, and can explain it to someone who is studying it for the first time, you have only begun to master the Scripture. You "keep it in your heart". You "agree" with it. So it is with each Scripture reference any Adventure presents as a reference for a particular day's writing. Here a little. There a little, adding precept upon precept. That's the idea. I encourage you to interact with each reference given for a day's activities in each day's writing. That's why I do. I think that is it for the housekeeping chores for today. Go back to the top, and look into today's Scripture verses. When you are ready, join me here  to continue the journey to Bethlehem. ### Today's central theme is one which bothers me. I mean, generally, not specifically the passage itself. I just want you to know that up front. The central theme of today's verse is one which every one of us has to deal with, all day every day. To set up the scenario, do me a favor. Look at your watch, or a clock. Right now. What does it tell you? Does it tell you that you are late for something? Does it tell you that you must hurry? Does it tell you that you are precisely where you should be, doing precisely the one and only thing you could be doing, or should be doing right now? Does it tell you that the brownies will be finished baking in 3 minutes? Does it tell you that you are just fine, and that you should just relax, and BE where you are, right now? What is it that time tells us? (Do you feel as if you have just wasted your time doing this ridiculous experiment?) How do you react to what the time tells you. Does it control you, or do you control it? Dr. Luke reports that "...the days were accomplished...". Now, what does THAT mean? But, he also refers to time three times in this verse. Can you see them? Here's a startling concept for you. God did not invent time. God created the calendar, not the watch. Let that bless your hearts. I'll wait. The calendar was created by God for Israel to have a series of guideposts in their Worship of God, their Father. The closest we find that God deals with time is the setting and rising of the Sun or the Moon. Everything after that, we did. The Lunar Calendar doesn't have a single thing to do with the Sunlight. The Sun Dial was invented by man, in Egypt. About 2500 BC. The obelisk was an object of worship. The nation of Israel used the calendar, based upon the Lunar cycle, as a tool--a resource to help them in their work and Worship. The Romans created yet another source of time, the Gregorian Calendar. Believe it or not, all three of these enumeration conventions are still in use in our world today. The oldest? It has now become so popular that it fits on our wrist. We give them to our young children as presents, as a tool for their beginnings of responsibility in and to the world they live in. Can you imagine a world without them? But, there is an important point of understanding here that often gets lost in the translation: literally. One explanation is general, but another is very and uniquely specific. Jews in the day of Mary and Joseph did not wear watches, but they did understand calendars. When did, precisely, the days become accomplished? Were they the days according to Jewish law? Wouldn't THAT just be a hoot! Did you ever know a baby that presided over a calendar? Before it was born? Seriously? Or, it could have course been the fact that the ruling elders of the Tabernacle had sent out a missive to Joseph and Mary, advising them that her days had officially been accomplished, and she should go ahead and have her baby now. Why? Because the calendar said so. Could it possiby have even been Dr. Luke himself, visiting Mary to check up on her condition, and the condition of the babe to be born? Or, could there be another, yet entirely different meaning to this phrase? I think so. In all the universe, throughout all of the history which was, or is yet to be, there was one masterful convergence of events. In that precise moment, God directed that something should happen--now. Fanciful, you say? Perhaps as ridiculous as some space guy flinging the Universe into existence from nothingness, you say? Well, the verse tells us in the original language that, at that exact moment in time, she should be delivered. It further goes on to tell us that at no other time, ever, should she be delivered--that's why she was where she was, when she was. And that's the true translation of this verse. It is painfully specific, from three different time references. Like triangulating on a target, the universe points to one tick of the clock. From general to specific, this verse leaves no alternative--at all. It gives new meaning to the phrase "right now"! Is God REALLY that specific? Yes, He is. When it matters. Not much mattered more to Him than this moment. Well then, is He always specific? Believe it or not, yes, He is. So how come He isn't that specific in answering my prayer, providing my needs, or dealing with the issues of my heart? He is. But there are things we must do, or are not doing, before He is compelled to work His Will for our lives into our lives. God has never failed His Kids. His Kids fail God all the time, then blame Him for it. That is a VERY belly button kind of thing to do. It surely must be, because just about every kid with a belly button has done it, or is doing it, or will do it. Every one of us. We do things that are not in God's plan for our lives. We condone things that God would never condone from His Kids. Then, we expect God's stamp of approval on them: our thoughts, our desires, our plans, our ideas, our dreams, our lives. We do not rule time. God does. Can you stop the Sun, or the Moon? God can. He has, and He does. I read yesterday where one country is even attempting to take Friday out of the week! I have to tell you, that just blew my mind right out of my skull! How arrogant we have become, and how mightily we strive to make God irrelevant. Are we so different than the Egyptians of 3500 BC, who felt they controlled time? They did use this line to bring their subjects into reverence for Pharoah. "It takes too much time!" "I don't have enough time!" "It's just not the right time!" "It's just not worth my time!" Your time? Since when is any time yours? Do you own it? Can you control it? Do you worship time? Can you predict the time of others, or events, or even things? So what is this whole industry based on Time Management about, anyway? Do you actually manage your time? God has a different relationship with time. Every moment is right now for Him. And has been, from the beginning. To our Loving Dad, forever is but a moment in time, and this moment in time lasts forever to Him. Is there a Sabbath in Heaven? I'd like to ask you to take some of your time, and write a reflection on today's writing here. Share it with us, via b-item link as a comment to this entry. Then, come back and discuss this writing with your fellow adventurers. I promise, it will be worth your time. Journeys take time. Let's take all the time we need to journey well, to Bethlehem. Dad will meet us there, in His time.In His Care, Will you journey with me? I'm bound for Bethlehem! In His Care. Budroe ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Advent: Day 19 (December 19th) "And all went to be taxed, every one to his own city. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem (Because he was of the house and lineage of David), to be taxed with Mary, his espoused wife, being great with child." Scripture for today: Isaiah 7:14; 9:6 Micah 5:2 Matthew 1:16; 2:5 Luke 2 Additional texts (for understanding and context): Deuteronomy 22:13-21 1 Sam. 1:11; 2:1-10 Joshua 12:9 Matthew 1:24 Luke 1:5, 68-79; 2:29-32; 3: 23-28, 32 John 8:3-5 One of the first impressions I always have about these verses is how tiring they sound. Perhaps it is just me, but I don't know the quantity OR quality of Joseph's vim, vigor or vitality. We know he was an older man in age than that of his bride. We know he worked as a carpenter, a trade that was physically demanding. We know of Mary's health, but not Joseph's. Going to Bethlehem was an arduous task for the most healthy of men--and women. It was not a safe journey, either. The roads were filled with people, some of whom were fixed on "financing" their journey along the way. Joseph was walking, leading a burdened donkey who may well have had it's own ideas of when it was time to stop, or the direction they should be going. Food was most likely in very short supply. Much of their journey would be in desert, or desert-like geography. I must admit that I think of one particular Carol when I read these words. I hope you will listen, because there is a profound "Bethlehem or Bust" secret hidden within the words of this Hymn--a favorite of our brothers and sisters across the pond. The words are by Teresa Rosetti. The musical setting is by Gustav Holtz--a surprise for some music lovers. [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] As we come near to Bethlehem, our journey has taken us through our beliefs, our convictions, and our plans. We have dropped into the canyons of our dreams and ambitions, and risen to the heights of the Judean plain riding on our good intentions and merited favor. Yet, this and all this is just not sufficient. Not here, and not now. Now, we must dare, as the bold Adventurers we are, at what remains after these things. For these are those things that we carry to Bethlehem. Among those things that remain within each of us are the most precious gifts we could ever bring to anyone, even a King. Yes, even the King of Glory! Will you journey with me? I'm bound for Bethlehem! In His Care. Budroe ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Advent: Day 18 (December 18th) "And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed (or enrolled,registered). This census first took place while Quirinius was governing Syria." Scripture for today: Isaiah 7:14 Matthew 1:21-25 Luke 1:45-55; 2:1-2 Additional texts (for understanding and context): Deuteronomy 22:13-21 1 Sam. 1:11; 2:1-10 Joshua 12:9 Matthew 1:24 Luke 1:5, 68-79; 2:29-32; 3: 23-28, 32 John 8:3-5 Sometimes, the best-laid plans get interrupted. For some reason, that is the case with this particular adventure. As I have often said, "sometimes things just happen at the speed of life!". It is an amazing truth for me in my life right now, but that's just the way the chips fall--sometimes. I don't know about you, but when things outside my control consider it proper to intercede, or (more usually) interfere with my life, I have a very predectable outcome as far as my reactions. I readiy admit, I like my world to be within my control, as those of you who have journeyed with me on this Blog will quickly attest. When that doesn't happen, I get purely ugly. My world gets upended. I get hostile--towards everyone, and everything. I just do not have the patience for it. It's a major character flaw with me, and I do admit that to you. Just don't tell anyone. It's our secret, okay? There are a couple of seeming incongruities here. First of all, the incongruity of military service. This was a time when virtually every second (at first) was choreographed by someone else. That someone else was someone who someone else decided knew what was best for me, my time, my appearance, my activities, my diet...everything. In time, I accomoadated their silly notions, determined to master the system in which I found myself, so that I could adjust things much more to the way I preferred them. You cannot mess with a system you have not mastered! (You might want to remember that!) The second incongruity that comes into my life these days is a self-proclaimed freedom to live my life as I see best fit, for me. (Feel the tension building?) Now, so much of my life is affected, or controlled by so many others that I have developed some what others might call "anger management" issues. No, really! I know, let it bless your hearts. I find it hard to believe, too. I get really angry--a lot! This has a couple of important parts. The first is, as I said, I often feel out of control of my life, and myself. "Go here, take this, eat this (and not that!), give yourself a shot. No, you HAVE to go to bed. No, you can't sleep, you HAVE to get up. It's time for you to test your blood sugar!" I hurt. All the time. I do not take pain pills or anything like that unless, or until I really need to. But, more to my point, my personality seems to have changed. I lay a good part of the "blame" for this change. But, the changes are there, and they are very discernible to those who know me best. I look at my calendar on the wall, and I have six appointments between now and Christmas! They are not optional. They also are not appointments I chose to make. They are mandatory moments of participation in someone else's determination of what is in my best interest! Yes, I know it is for my best interest. Yes, I love my medical team. I am alive because of 27 drugs, tests, diet...the whole ball of wax. I keep hoping that I will somehow wake up one morning, and be my former, loveable self. I pray for that every day. It's a big deal, because those who least deserve it have to take the punishment--or leave me alone, which many times I would prefer. They think it is because I don't want to be around them, or that I don't like them. Okay, sometimes I DO wish to be left alone. I don't mind my own company. But much more often, I don't want to lash out at them and cause them pain. I don't tell them that, because I want them to know me well enough to understand that. They don't, it seems. Feelings get hurt, I get blamed for hurt feelings, I apologize, and I keep hearing about how hurt someone or other is. It's not worth it. My biggest enemy in the world is stress. I hate stress. It will kill me. I avoid it at all costs, even if it means taking anti-anxiety, stress-reducing drugs. I'll bet you didn't expect THIS, today. Huh? Okay, so now we know that Bud's on a tear.... Imagine being TOLD by some occupying force that you had to stop your life, and go on a road trip to sign some papers. No, we don't do mail. You have to show up and be physically counted! This isn't your government telling you this. Your government doesn't trump this order, because it comes from a seat of power whose armies have defeated you. You are the vanquished. I've got a sense of being "occupied", I tell ya. And, as no small number would hasten to tell me, I AM the vanquished. But, if at some moment of my world, I got such a note as Joseph received, I just don't know what I'd do. Notice, the message wasn't only for those who could afford the trip. There was no exclusion for those whose livliehood required their daily presence, such as, say a Carpenter with customers. As a result, this meant that in many cases entire families would be required to make the trip. There was security, safety, economic reality, and political danger involved here. (The previous call for a census had not gone well, at all!) In the face of all this, we have the whole "She's pregnant, and many miles away!" situation for Joseph to deal with. His wife was getting VERY pregnant. Now, she would have to make the journey back to Nazareth, THEN they would together have to make the long trip to Bethlehem, the ancestral home of both Mary AND Joseph. What kind of deal is that? And, to know that refusal isn't an option? Now THAT'S stress-inducing. It seems like these two are really getting a pile on, doesn't it? So what is the deal? I would think that Dad might give them a break. But, from all impressions we've had an option to witness together, it looks like things are just getting worse for our happy couple. How come? It's really important to understand the political geography, the economic realities, and the social implications that are swirling around the newlyweds. You have to know how improbable such a reality as this was for the Jewish nation. To even consider the reality of Messiah, and especially now, was an inconvenience of the first order. In the greatest sense, the entire nation would be inconvenienced, not to mention those who occupied them. King of Israel? Messiah? The truth of the matter was that nobody found this convenient. God is coming to Earth, ripping time and the Heavens apart to take back his people? Really? His people were so far away from being His people that many found it impossible to understand the very word: "Messiah". Things weren't tough enough already, but God had suddenly decided He was going to remind these people that they are the chosen race, that they were His, and supposed to be living according to His statutes? Oi! I must admit, when Dad intercedes in my world, my world changes. Dad does intercede in my life--often. I have invited Him to do so. I have promised to be His Kid, no matter what. That can be incredibly inconvenient. I get into enough trouble on my own, thank you very much. I got people hating me for reasons that do not actually exist. I got people that hate me because of things that really DO exist. Inevitably, when Dad shows up in my life, someone is going to be inconvenienced. I guarantee you I will be inconvenienced...first. But, is it really that bad a thing? I used to look forward to it. Now, I just feel incapable of doing what I once did. The flesh grows weaker. My Spirit is less willing, and that just bothers me a lot. I spent a lot of years as a Minister. These days, all I see is a broke down sinner, saved by Grace, through faith. Emphasis on the "broke down". I can envision myself thanking Dad for the offer, but "No Thanks!" and meaning it. I'm not mad, or feeling particularly rebellious. I'm just tired. I'm tired in the soul. I know that there are many who are feeling this way these days. The battle seems endless, and the wins are getting more scarce. The wounds are getting deeper, and harder to heal. I can't be who I am, because of so many things. And, now, we're headed to Bethlehem? Are you kidding me? Do you ever feel that way? Are you feeling that way today? I've shared my feelings with you, today. I hope you will do the same with me. Create a relective writing around some of the things that have been shared today, or bring your very own perspective on today's verses. Share your writing via b-item link in a comment to this entry. Then come back, and let's discuss it. We've got to step it up, because we have to be in Bethlehem very soon! There is much for us to do there, and we have only a short time to get those things done. So, let's step it up. In His Care, Will you journey with me? I'm bound for Bethlehem! In His Care. Budroe ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Advent: Day 17 (December 17th) "And Mary said:'My soul doth magnify the Lord, and my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Savior. For He hath regarded the low estate of his handmaiden: for, behold, from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed. For He that is mighty hath done to me great things, and Holy is His name'." Scripture for today: Isaiah 7:14 Matthew 1:21-25 Luke 1:45-55 Additional texts (for understanding and context): Deuteronomy 22:13-21 1 Sam. 1:11; 2:1-10 Joshua 12:9 Matthew 1:24 Luke 1:5, 42-45, 68-79; 2:29-32; 3: 23-28, 32 John 8:3-5 Today's verses repreent one of the most beloved of all Scriptures. There have been attempts to either assign these words to others, specifically Hanna, upon the birth of her son, Samuel. A few other hypotheses (i.e., that these words were spoken by Elizabeth, for instance) have been offered throughout the years but have failed the "Truth Test" which all Scripture must endure. These verses have been used to validate or invalidate complete faith systems. The glorious "Magnificat" was first known to be used in what was called "The Virgin's Hymn" in the ethics of Lauds in the Rule of St. Caesarius of Aries (A.D. 507). There are more than 15 centuries of faith which have featured these verses. [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] As one of the longest lasting, and continually evoked verses, there surely must be a lot to consider here. It is true. One of the lesser themes of this adventure is the construct that God picked up right where he left off, remember? Well that got me to thinking. (And you all KNOW how dangerous that can be, right?) 1. Why Hebron? What was God's purpose in having Mary go to her cousin, Elizabeth--in Hebron? 2. Compare Elizabeth's statement with Mary's? What similarities or differences do you find upon your careful examination of the two discourses? 3. What is the general "topic" of Mary's speech here? And, what (if anything) can we lowly sinners learn from one such as God's own favored child? Is the message to us today relevant? Personal? Important? 4. How will these verses today help us on our journey to Bethlehem? 5. What are the "take aways" for us, both personally and as Adventurers travelling together to Bethlehem? We have eight days of travel left. I wonder where we are, as a group, and as individuals on our journey together. Are we closer to Bethlehem than we were? Are the mountains before us to insurmountable to climb? Can we make it, together, to Bethlehem? I would ask you to create a reflective response today. Answer for yourselves these questions. Post a b-item link back here, as a comment, and let's discuss this most important issue that Mary (and Elizabeth) have so squarely lain before us. I will post my answers to these questions (Well, actually, I've already written them for you!) after I have had an opportunity to look at yours. It's your turn now. I'm going to "step back" and encourage each of you to take the lead on our path for today. The path is clear, ahead of us for just a bit. I'll be here, so you need not become alarmed or afraid. (Please don't let me being "on time" for once scare you too much! . It's all part of the journey, friend. I'm bound for Bethlehem. Will you join me?In His Care, ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Budroe |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Advent: Day 16 (December 16th) "And it came to pass, that, when Elisabeth heard the salutation of Mary, the babe leaped in her womb; and Elisabeth was filled with the Holy Ghost; And she spake out with a loud voice, and said, Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb." Scripture for today: Isaiah 7:14 Matthew 1:21-25 Luke 1:38-44 Additional texts (for understanding and context): Deuteronomy 22:13-21 Joshua 12:9 Luke 1:5, 42-45; 3: 23-28, 32 John 8:3-5 In previous Adventures, we have unpacked these verses theologically, and expositionally. For this view of our verses during this particular Adventure, we are looking at the daily Scripture texts from a "reflective" standpoint--personally. I hope you will not feel like this effort is either less, or less significant. I believe it is one ot the most imporant perspective we can have of any Scripture text. I'm looking around the path, and I can't see you. Are you here? I hope so. It's so nice when we travel together, at least for these few short days. Did you ever just think of someone, and they would call or show up? Or did someone "get into your head", and just wouldn't go away until you made contact with them? It happens all the time with me. I can tell when someone I care for is thinking of me, sometimes. Sometimes, I can get an impression that someone I know needs me for one reason or another. I put up with this for so long, then reach out to them. Or, in even eerier circumstances, they reach out to me. I usually begin those conversations by laughing. I suppose you might think of Radar O'Reilly, of the television show "M.A.S.H.", and you wouldn't be too far off. It doesn't work for all people, and it doesn't work all the time. But, the longer we have had relationship, and/or the closer you are to my immediate family, the greater the probability this phenomenon will happen with me. That last part is important. The relationship must be personal, and of the greatest value to me. I must "know" you. And, you must know me. One of the greatest values of relationship is the connection, the nexus between us. It is not necessarily the proximity to family that causes such moments, but the connection within the relationship. Sometimes, I discern that it is important to me, for me, to contact you. Other times, I simply put out the good vibes of yearning and invitation, and suddenly one of these pivotal people in my life will reach out to me. As I have, in my journey, learned about this special trait, I have learned that it is about the connection created by the relationship that makes such moments the most likely. The primary answer to yesterday's inquiry dealt with action. Mary did things. If you re-read the verse, you will see that she did, in fact, four separate and distinct things. She suddenly had someone with whom she had a strong relationship suddenly become a person with a much deeper and much more meaningful relationship. She reached out to her, and did so quickly. We do not know of Elizabeth's urgency to see Mary. Evidently, it is irrelevant to the story. But we DO know of Mary's urgent need to see Elizabeth. I have often wondered what would have happened if Elizabeth had suddenly hurried out of the home, in her state, and went to Mary instead? Or what might have happened if they both left for the other, and missed each other on the road? Would they have known it? We do that, all the time. We shouldn't, but we do. We miss the connection, and the relationship that is possible with others, for one reason or another. We miss the opportunity to "...leap for joy", merely at the presence of another, don't we? The reasons could easily fill a book. I have mine, and you have yours. For us, they are sometimes lamentable. Sometimes, that one opportunity is the last we will have on this planet. Such moments aggravate our grief, and we are perhaps left with a much less pleasant last remembrance of our relationship with that person. We presume a next time, where no such time exists for those relationships. I have a few of those, as well. There are people who make my soul leap for joy, just by showing up, they are not many. The list grows shorter all the time. Distance, time, relationship...they all change as the days turn into years. My Mother died in 1971. I would still love to be able to thank her for her friendship to me, one of the rarest gifts of my entire lifetime. My Father died in 1995. I would still like to ask him if he ever accepted me. The list has grown long. There are people I would so love to see again, just for a time, to have the opportunity to re-establish or even begin the repair of relationship. I used to be really good at that. I don't know what happened. It did. Yes, there are so many I would love to apologize to, and thank, and laugh (or cry) with. These are disconnected relationships. To me, that's what disconnected relationships feel like. Some will never be repaired. In many cases, the feelings I have are not shared with others. Their absence is as obvious to me as my absence is to them. Yet, the love, the admiration, the friendship remains in my heart. I know that, if they were to somehow magically appear at my door, my soul truly would leap for joy. I don't know that they could or even would say the same. That makes it worse, I think. When Mary crossed Elizabeth's threshhold, two souls knew it. She made the trip because she needed to; she wanted to. Elizabeth! Did she somehow know to expect this visitation? I think not, yet when it happened she was more than overjoyed. She was suddenly awed, and spoke her words of welcome directly to the mother of the Savior! And, her not-yet born son recognized her status, as well. How many different relationships were in play here, after all? I believe that, as you have read this writing, you have had to bring to mind two types of relationship. The first is one which is of great significance and importance to you. The second is a disconnected relationship you grieve. I don't know if it is one which you can even address. If it is, I hope and pray for you that you will. And, for that special relationship, I hope you would simply write a short note letting that person know how you feel about the relationship you share. Friend, co-worker, family member, or spouse. Search your heart for the strongest (and weakest) relationships. You don't even have to send the writing. You can use the preferred method of Adventurers, and burn them. But, please consider them. Then, create a relective writing about your experience, and share it with us via a b-item link in a comment here. After that, come back and let's discuss how it is that this activity is of such significance that we dared to accomplish it on this particular journey, for this particular Adventure. I know from personal experience that this can be a terribly painful, or joyous activity, because I've done it several times. In my case, I took the letters to Dad, and talked with Him about them. He had a lot to say about those letters, and I had a lot to listen to, and consider. In the end, it was a task well-worth the effort. I hope you will find it so. These are the kind of difficult steps this particular mountain requires of us, so that we might better understand together our journey to Bethlehem, In His Care. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Budroe |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Advent: Day 15 (December 15th) "And Mary arose in those days, and went into the hill country with haste, into the city of Juda; and entered into the house of Zacharias, and saluted Elizabeth." Scripture for today: Isaiah 7:14 Matthew 1:21-25 Luke 1:39-40 Additional texts (for understanding and context): Deuteronomy 22:13-21 Joshua 12:9 John 8:3-5 One of the most important lessons we can learn as Christ Followers is found in this amazing passage. I'd like to have you think about that as we go through today's writing. Back in the olden days, when Henry Ford was trying desperately to find engineers to design the parts that would become his new cars, he went through several hundred engineering applicants. It wasn't because he had particularly high expectations for his engineers (although no one would say that he didn't.) You see, the problem was that nobody had ever seen a vehicle, and especially an engine like what Mr. Ford had determined he wanted. Because the candidates had never seen such a "monstrosity" before, they had no idea how to create one. One by one, ten by ten, Mr. Ford repelled their applications, until he had found the 35 engineers which would eventually build his assembly line car, with a V-8 engine, and bring the costs for the mass production of the vehicle down to a price sufficient for every one of his workers to buy one. They did. It became the most amazing set of inventions up until that time. The event kick-started the industrial age in America, and escorted in the 20th Century with a level of innovation and manufacturing excellence that lasted entirely through the 20th, and into the 21st Century. Many years later, we would learn that Henry Ford had absolutely no idea what he was seeking to create. He had no idea what it would look like, nor how many individual parts it would require for manufacture. He di not have a schematic for the product, nor for the assembly lines that would be required to mass produce that product. Nada. Nothing. . So, what was the challenge so many applicants could not hurdle to become a part of this "dream team"? They honestly and frankly told Mr. Ford that what he wanted simply could not be done. There were candidates from the very creamiest cream of the crop, engineering-wise. They paid their way to travel across the county, at the turn of the century, just for the opportunity to have an interview with this crazy man. Oh, the rumors were rife across the land, concerning Mr. Ford. Some came to see the novelty of the man. Some came to disprove the rumors regarding Henry Ford. Some came to honestly bring themselves to the plant, looking for a job--as they had been taught to do. All of these candidates were, for one reason or another, turned away, and wasted well more than two solid years of Mr. Ford's time and energy. Yet, even in desperation that his family and friends feared would kill him, Ford went on. Every day, he went to his plant offices and waited for the next applicant to show up. Time, and time again, engineering graduates, professionals with successful histories, and those who would be soon graduating came to the office door. It got to the point where the gate guards were making bets. Not on whether or not the candidate they cleared through the gate would be hired, but rather how many minutes it would take them to re-appear at the gate, travelling the other way! Finally, Henry Ford had chosen a grand total of 52 specialists--out of more than 10,000 applicants. He called them together. He told them the reason they were there was to create a V-8 engine, which would propel a motorized motor carriage in excess of 40 miles per hour, that would be mass produced on an assembly line, at a cost each of his employees could afford to purchase. He also advised them they would be much better disposed to future employment if, in fact, they DID purchase one of these new vehicles--from HIM! They looked at each other. They were stunned. Slowly, face by face, they began to smile. As a man, they stood and applauded Mr. Ford. He told them they were there because they never said to him that any part of this plan could not be done. Not one time. That's how they qualified for the position. They would keep their jobs by proving themselves, and Henry Ford to be correct. Oh, and they had less than one year to do it. What follows from that day is a history that has been, is now, and will be studied for much further than my eyes can see. The impossible became possible, and then it became reality. Was it easy? Absolutely not! Virtually every piece of that Model had to be created, from scratch. It then had to be tested, and proven to the immaculate expectations of the most highly qualified and capable engineers in this country. Every piece, and every part had to work perfectly inter-dependently, as well. Quality Assurance had to be failproof. There was no margin to replace a part because of sloppy work, manufacture, or assembly. A moving assembly line had to deliver the perfect part, in the correct order, to the correct place, at the correct time--every single time. Many engineers, interviewed later, quite honestly said they didn't believe this crazy scheme would work--until they saw the first completed vehicle roll off the assembly line, and out the plant door--driven by Mr. Ford. "The Dearborn Dream" had been realized. As we may well say, it has continued from that day to this. Impossible became possible. Possibility became reality. But, through all of these changes, what was the "Agent" of each change? How does this relate to our Scripture verses for today? Can you correctly answer these questions presented to you today? Will you create a reflective writing dedicated to that purpose, and leave a b-item link in a comment below, so that we might look to your understanding for new knowledge? Can you make it not only biblically, and historically, but also personally understandable? Can you then tell us why you think the first statement in this writing is true, for you? For us? I hope you will do these things. This is one of those "hills" I mentioned. It's a bit of a lift, but not too much--at least in the beginning. This is the beginning. There's more up to come. WE are entering together a mountainous region that will cause us to sweat a bit. We will be challenged, together. But, did you ever notice that the very best views of Bethlehem are from on high? I do look forward to your work on this writing. I am Bethlehem bound? I hope you are, too. Will you journey with me? I'm bound for Bethlehem! In His Care. Budroe ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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