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 |  I write, therefore I am |
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I write, therefore I am. I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough. PLUGS:
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| Emotions, bah who need them. lol. I am running into the problems that I always seem to run into when it comes to women. I have started to overthink my situation. I want to respect Dee's wishes to take things slowly, but my heart wants to grab hold of her and not let her go. So, as always, my mind and heart are in constant battle. Like today we had a nice lunch and we did the couple thing, of sitting on the same side of the table so we could be near eachother, hold hands, and just absorb eachother's aura. I would sit and watch her eat, or laugh, or talk, or smile. I want to scream out to her I love you, alas my heart says yes, but my mind says no not yet, you'll screw up if you do. I want her to know how I feel, but I am afraid she is not ready to hear it and will pull away from me. God, I wish I didn't over analyze every movement I make with Dee. I wish things could just be simple. I want to tell her that I love her and have her melt into my arms. I want it to be like in fairy tales. I want a happily ever after. I'm such a woman. lol. Hey it was a joke, ladies, a joke. No hitting me. Well I have some reading to do, I may be back later. We shall see. quote; Lots of respectable people have been hit by trains. Judge Hobbie over in Cookville was hit by a train. What was I gonna tell them, that you got sent to the penal farm and I divorced you from shame? Penny McGill (Holly Hunter) - O' Brother Where Art Thou? |
| I am amazed by all the people of BLOGville who are participating in NaNoWriMo. I find it amazing that they can write a 50k word novel in thirty days. I don't think I could write that way. At the moment I am working on three novels at one time as well as numerous short pieces, whenever the urge hits. Could I set aside the time to write just one novel for a month? I really don't think so. I wish all of my friends who are attempting NaNoWriMo the best of luck and encouragement. It would seem that the lady Mavis has a short short story contest that everyone should enter. EVERYONE, Tor you hear me?PlannerDan?Mel?Forever?Scarlett?FLower?Shawnshank?Shattered Ange?Highwind?Jaren?Nada?SkyIsFalling?Philthy?RubyRed?Isa Danton?SusanL?Terryjroo? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ NEWSBREAK ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ This just in the Verizon cell phone guy has been severly beaten about the head and shoulders with the leg from a life size Barbie after asking a little girl if "You can hear me now." In other news we will send you to our reporter in the field Moron. Moron, how are things out there in BLOGville? (long pause)Well Mr. Anchor Guy it seems that these milestones are still speeding toward BLOGville with no signs of slowing down. Most citizens however seem to be paying these milestones little if any attention. Let me tell you this reporter find that strange. Do the citizenery not care? (long pause) No Mr. Anchor Guy I do not think that is it I think they are just waiting with a calm reserve. This is not the first time these milestones have appeared here in BLOGville. I think they are just waiting to see what will happen. Back to you. Thank you Moron. So there you have it BLOGville citizens taking incoming milestones in stride, and someone finally beat that Verizon guys ass. Now back to your regularly scheduled entry. Quote; I'm great, I got that "excited/scared" feeling. Like 98% excited, 2% scared. Or maybe it's more. It could be, it could be 98% scared, 2% excited but that's what makes it so intense, it's so - confused. I can't really figure it out. Oscar (Owen Wilson) - Armageddon |
| This just in. It would seem that there are some milestones hurtling at incredible speeds toward BLOGville. We will now head out to BLOGville and new CCNN reporter, Moron. Well since our regular reporters CC and PlannerDan could not be reached to go out in the field for this interview. Moron can you hear me? (long pause) Yes I can MR. Anchor guy. It seems that most of BLOGville is unaware of these speedy milestones. So I really do not know what to say at the moment. Moron, do you have any idea what these milestones are that are hurtling toward BLOGville at massive speeds? Do the people think that there will be much damage? (long pause) Mr. Anchor guy they have no idea what is coming. This is what I have been able to piece together. It would seem that on Halloween night some milestones will appear in the sky above BLOGville. Supposedly, and this could be heresay. There is a BLOGger, as most like to call themselves, who will have his first entire blue month. I don't know what significance that holds, but it seems important to some people here. ALso his BLOG should reach 1300 views and have it 100th entry. We do not know what is planned, but rumor has it that there will be a big BLOG entry that night, similar to a Party. That is all I know for the moment Mr. Anchor, but stay tuned. Thank you Moron. THere you go WDC that is the latest from us here at CCNN. YOu may now return to you regular scheduled repeat of a silly reality show. |
| Sit and relax your weary bones. Come let us palaver. I mentioned in a blog from a few days ago how the villian in my detective story, Price of Vengeance, was the me that could have been if I had stayed snapped after "K" left me. As I have said before I did love her, with everything I had, once. That time is long gone and far away. A few years before we had broken up for good she came home with her friend from work and one of my best friends to tell me that she was leaving me. I was more destraught that he could have betrayed our friendship than I was over her cheating. I remember when the three of them walked through the door I was surprised to see them and I could tell by the look on their faces that something was wrong. They told me that she was leaving me for my friend and that she was pregnant. For a minute I sat there dumbfounded and confused. When I started to come back to myself I punched the pictures of us hanging on the wall cutting my hand in the process. Kris began to tell me to wrap my hand in something because I was dripping blood all over her place. I snapped and began to fling my blood all over the room; the carpet, walls, curtains, sofa, her, him, her friend. I didn't care anymore. I stormed out of the house and walked to thestream running behind our apartment. My mind was running off into different brnaches. Part of me wanted to jump into the water and just let it all wash away; the pain of life and the heartbreak. Part of me wanted to just walk away and never return. To say nothing and just disappear. In the end my friend decided to return to his wife leaving me and Kris in the apartment. Her friend left and that night I slept on the floor in the living room and Kris sat watching me sleep from the hallway. The next day when she went to work she said goodbye and she would see me when she got home. I did not hear her I was sitting in the floor with a picture of her clutched to my chest and nothing seemed real. It was like I was a child all over again sitting in the dark in fear of opening my eyes. It was almost like an out of body experience. I was telling myself to stop acting that way, but I would not listen. I wanted to, but I could not. Kris went to work and left me a destroyed mess of humanity. The phone rang and it was my friend Tim. He had heard about what happened with Kris and Craig and he was calling to check up on me. I answered the phone like a child. I was scared and alone, abandoned. At first he thought I was joking, when he realized that I was not he left work and come to get me. I let him in and I was screaming in my mind for help. I needed someone to let me out, because I could get out on my own. I was shattered and I could not put the pieces back together on my own. He sat with me for hours trying to get me to talk to him. He asked who he was talking to and I told him that I did not have a name. I was trapped crying for help, telling myself to stop acting that way. I would not listen. I don't know how long we sat there that day, but in the end he cold only think of one thing to do. He grabbed my shoulder and slapped me across the face. The pieces of my mind reformed and came out in a bellow of rage. It was as if all the years of loneliness and neglect boiled over into an anger and unbridled fury. I hated the world, I hated Kris, I hated Craig, I hated my parents, I hated myself. Like a nova the anger burned itself out quickly and I was left a mass of tears and agony. I probably should have sought help after that episode, but I did not. I fought through it on my own and I feel that I came through it stronger. The little guy inside me is long gone. I do not hear him anymore as I did back then. Even before that episode I heard him, but no more. The rest as they say is prologue. We remained together only to be in a shell of a realationship without love or compassion. I have already spoken of the rest. Now almost the whole story is told and this may be the saddest part of the tale, although it doesn't make me sad to tell it. I want to thank everyone for reading this entry as well as the other dealing with my past; with Kris, and Dee and my family. It has been a cleansing of my soul. I feel washed over by the rain and born anew. I fell like I can stand a bit taller with the past falling by the wayside. Thank you. Quote; There was this guy, and he was always requesting shows that had already played. Yes. No. You have to tell her before. He couldn't quite grasp the idea that the charge nurse couldn't make it be yesterday. She couldn't turn back time, thank you, Einstein! Now, *he* was nuts! *He* was a fruitcake, Jim! Jeffery Goines (Brad Pitt) - 12 Monkeys |
| I am on the way to work, but I thought I would post a little something, just in case I do not get to make areal post tonight. You know I am so close to having a blue month that I do not want to jepordize it. I have entered a new contest that seemed really interesting, I would suggest that everyone, EVERYONE, make an entry.
I entered the opening paragraph from Broken Silence
I have been offered a halfway promotion at work. They have asked me to become a keyholder (which is one step down from manager, but without a pay raise. I get keys and a safe combonation). The only reason I am considering taking the postition is that is will gaurantee a job after the holiday season with between thirty to forty hours a week. I must think on it. Oh well off to work I go, hopefully I will have a real entry tonight onst I get home. Until then, peace. |
| It is grey and rainy outside once again, yet this time it has brought with it a real chill in the air. A fall chill. A halloween chill. I really like this kind of chill. I am more of a cool weather type of guy. They make campfires real nice. Nice and toasty. A friend of mine read the first chapter of Perpetual Rage and he told me that it was good because I was writing myself as a character. Which got me to thinking. You know every character I write is a part of me. Actually they are me or the me that might have been if I had made certain decisions in life. We do many things in life without rhyme or reason, or seemingly without repercusion. So my character are all versions of me. My detective is the me that could have been if I went back to drinking after "K" left me. The villian in the same story is the me that could have been if I had stayed "snapped" when she left me (yes, that is another story) My universe of characters are all alternate version of myself, wether male of female. I don't think you can really help that from happening in your writing. As they say, and they say alot, you write what you know. I know pain, frustration, heartbreak, failure. Hey, who doesn't right. Now think what if everything you did, did have repercussions? Would I be here today if I did not stop those two guys from attacking that girl? What if I walked away like most people would pretending not to see? What if I had the guts to leave "K" way back when I first started to question or relationship? WOuld I be here writing this today? Would I have found this site years ago when it first started? What if every decision you made in life sent a divergent timeline and created an alternate world? How many world's would there be? Would you be slim in one world, married in another, rich in another still? Just something to make you wonder. I think someone put something in my coffee this morning. Oh well, may all your decisions prove benificial. Quote; seven minutes ago... we, your forefathers, were brought forth upon a most excellent adventure concieved by our new friends, Bill... and Ted. These two great gentlemen are dedicated to proposition which was true in my time, just as it's true today. Be excellent to each other. And... PARTY ON, DUDES! Abraham Lincoln (Robert Barron) - Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure |
| **This blog has been pre-recorded for you perusal. This in no way takes away from the bloggy potential of said entry. It just means that the writer of said blog was tired and pre-recorded this entry instead of posting directly to Blogville as usual. Thank you for understanding.** Listen to the soft crackle of the fire before us. Isn’t it relaxing? Even the occasional pop of a knothole cannot take away from it. The marshmallows are almost gone, but fear not for I have a second bag handy. Dig in. So I entered into Legerdemain’s contest "15 for 15 Contest --- Closed"  [18+]. Everyday for fifteen days there is a different picture prompt, everyday you have to write for fifteen minutes on the picture in the prompt. Now this is a real fun contest and it kind of helps work out that writing nemisi’, block. So I wrote my little fifteen minutes for the first few pictures. Now I have actually started a story that continues from picture to picture. Me am just having fun with it.Hey, um, you have a little bit a marshmallow on your chin. No, no, yeah, right there. Okay. So October is almost gone for another year and my mood is gradually pulling itself out of the doldrums. Special thanks to everyone for putting up with my sad sappy whining of the past. A big part of feeling more chipper has been the lady Dee. It’s seems that I have suddenly become very lucky. When I went to bed last night my pillow smelled like her and my heartached from loneliness. I missed her so much. Today we spoke on the phone and she told me that she sprayed some of her perfume on the pillow so I would have something to remember her by. So when I went to sleep last night I smelled the pillow, wishing that I was smelling her neck. Hey, stop with the sappiness here. I know that CC, Tor, and Shawn think that I am just trying to ingratiate myself with the wimmins. Still, I miss her though. My Redskins beat the stuffings out of the 49ers. Woot, yah, cheer, and all that noise. It seems that BLOGville is growing steady, before long we will have to be rezoned. Well, at least we have PlannerDan for help with that. It seems that everyday there is someone new that I have to start visiting everyday. It’s getting so I hardly have time to comment on anyone’s BLOG I read so many. Just know that even if I do not comment everyday that I do read you all religiously; new and old. It’s weird now that my mood has picked up I seem not to have as much to say. I wonder if there is a coalation between the two. Perhaps tomorrow night I will have something deep to discuss, some further tale of my past, or a rant to rant about. Until then; good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight. Quote; Why would you want to stay at home and watch a little box? Because it's convenient? Because you don't have to get dressed up, because you could just sit there? I mean, how can you call that entertainment, alone in your living room? Where's the other people? Where's the audience? Where's the magic? I'll tell you, in a place like this, the magic is all around you. The trick is to see it. Harry Trimble (Martin Landau) - The Majestic |
| I don't think this will be a real entry. This is just an entry to keep my days blue. We are going for the whole month here. I am sitting a drift on memory bliss. I want to offer up some thanks tonight; First off, to TOR, Mrs. TOR, CC and PlannerDan for introducing me to most of the other peoples in my BLOG list. Second, to the Lady Scarlett for always trying to get me to turn my BLOG entries into seperate pieces for my Port, just so she can critique them. lol. Third, to Shawnshank, Flower, Highwind, Shattered Angel, and SusanL for making me laugh. Either through their entries or in comment to mine. Fourth, to Nada, for making this month possible since my problems with them dastardly peeples over at PayPal. Fifth, to Jaren, VerySara, Isa Danton, Forever and Terryjroo for their support in writing. Sixth, to my BLOG ring fellow, SkyIsFalling, Philthy, Flower, and RoseRose for giving my fun BLOGs to read. Finally I want to thank everyone for the continued feeling of family and community even as it grows ever larger. I hope everyone is at peace tonight and is finding happiness or at the least contentment. You know where I am if you need me; cleaning the floor witha toothbrush. Quote; Anyway, like I was sayin', shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey's uh, shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich. That- that's about it. Bubba (Mykelti Williamson) - Forrest Gump |
| As I wrapped up last night and stood to make my way to the sofa for my nightly nap, she awakened and asked where I was going. I said that I was getting ready for bed it was almost one. She smiled and told me that there was room in the bed with her and no need to sleep on the sofa. I tried to argue my way to the sofa, but she would not hear of it. So I climbed in beside her and she turned to her side pulling my arm over her waist and clasping my fingers between hers. I feel asleep quickly and when I awaken we were in the same position. I had to get up for work, so I kissed her shoulder and slipped out of bed. She is sleeping, still.... I feel so happy I could explode. Until later, peace. |
| Come sit and relax. There is a nice small fire awaiting you, since their is a bit of a nip in the air. If you would like there are marshmallows to roast. No? Well, should you change your mind the bag is right here. Tell me can you see my dream? What's that? Oh, you can't. Well here let us play a little game the group of us. Are you up for that? Close your eyes and relax. Take a deep breath and release it slowly. Now with your eyes closed imagine a room. It's not a small room, but it would not be considered large by any stretch of the imagination. Ok, now in this room is a small entertainment center and a bookshelf imbedded in the wall. There is also a smallish computer desk, accompanied by a computer and all the little toys that come with it. There is also a folding chair. It is not a entire metal chair because there is a cushion on the seat and on the backrest. Can you see the room so far? Is it fixed in your mind? Are your eyes still closed? Yes, I know it is hard to read with your eyes closed, just humor me. Also in the room there is a queen bed. It looks inviting and soft. It looks like you could just lay there from a stressful day and drift off into a recuperative slumber. There are a couple of pillows on the bed, as well as a sheet and comforter. Can you see it? Doesn't it look inviting? Doesn't it call to you? Can you see this room as I have described it? It is a room that I see every night and day. Yet tonight there is something very different about this room. Hey, I didn't say you could open your eyes yet. Okay, can you still see the room? Does it feel kind of homey, lived in? At this moment there lies in the bed a being of immense beauty inside and out. It has been hard for me to focus on much of anyhting else since she closed her eyes and drifted into a nice sleep. I keep turning to watch her sleep and listen to her soft whispering snore. An angel is what I see and I count myself lucky to be seeing her here, now, with me, here, now. I watch as her eyes flutter in dreams and her lips move every now and then muttering uncomprehendable words. One hand lays across her stomach while the other is curled under her chin. She is so beautiful to me. I think I could spend the rest of my life just watching her sleep. She came over tonight and we went out for a nice dinner. Her son is with his grandmother. As it got late she asked if she could stay. I told her no problem and I would sleep on the sofa. She asked if I was sure. I told her that I did not want to rush her into anything and that we should take it slow so no mistakes are made. So here I am writing in my blog as she sleeps angelic just a mere few feet away. God, how she melts my heart and makes me long to be a better man than I am. She just looks so innocent laying there. I am glad she is here and do not want her to leave. I hope she sleeps good tonight. I doubt I will. Oh well, you can open your eyes now. Can you see my dream? I can because it is real and near enough to touch. Prayers are always answered, just not in the order they are received. Quote; Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself. Sean (Robin Williams) - Good Will Hunting |
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I took a look and it seems interesting.