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812 Public Reviews Given
817 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to always pick out the positive points in a piece, even if overall I am not enamoured by it. I tend to point out grammatical and spelling errors. I will be honest, but not unkind *Smile*
I'm good at...
Empathising with people, giving my opinion, analysing poetry.
Favorite Genres
Travel, Sci - fi, psychology, opinion, music, horror, gothic food, emotional, death/dark, animal.
Least Favorite Genres
Western/war, Parenting, History, Erotica/Adult
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Flash Fiction, Photos, Articles.
Least Favorite Item Types
Campfire creatives, interactive stories.
I will not review...
Novels.
Public Reviews
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Review of Survival  Open in new Window.
Review by Jellyfish Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello bas Author IconMail Icon

I am reviewing this item as part of "I Write in August-September-October" Open in new Window.

Your story is for the 200 word story contest although you have not included your word count so I cannot tell whether you have met this challenge. It may be worth adding your word count at the end *Smile*.

I thought your story was interesting and quite dramatic, you have packed in a definite plot in your flash fiction story with the two characters who are lost and injured somewhere out in the wilderness and their fear of death followed by their subsequent rescue. You set this scene quite well, I understand that it is difficult to get much description in with only 200 words but I would probably have used some of the words to describe the surroundings a bit more as the part about the vultures and the fact they cannot move seems to be repeated.

You definitely have a beginning, middle and end in your story. I liked the image at the end of the vultures flying away as they are rescued.

A few things I noticed whilst reading:

"of living of meeting their loved ones again." - should there be the word "and" in between living and of?

"Ritesh and Richa peeped into the ditch" - peeped seems a strange description here, I think something like "appeared" may sound better

"in search for a different meal." - I think in search OF a different meal would sound better here

Also, the main girl in the story is at first called "Jenie" and then her name changes to "Jeanie" - I am not sure if this has been done on purpose!?

These are just my opinions of course so feel free to disregard them!

Good luck in the contest! *Smile*





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Review by Jellyfish Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Sparky Author IconMail Icon

*UmbrellaB* This review is part of your shower from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.! *UmbrellaB*


What I loved about your story is your writing style - It flows very well and your description of the scenes during this person's day is very poetic and draws me in as the reader. I can really picture the scenes such as when he plays with the dogs or receives the anonymous cheques!

My favourite part is probably the way the word "Yes" is described as a yellow word - I really like that analogy *Smile*.

You have some great descriptive phrases such as the "exploded" bedroom - a fab metaphor I love that! And the "delighted devils of doggies" - this is a great line too *Smile* *Dog2* *Dog1*

In terms of the "plot" - I have to admit that though most of the story I thought this was a kind of fantasy story in which the main character has a magic button he can press in the morning so as to avoid depression - where the whole day only brings all these random great feelings!

I suppose I was a little disappointed when I realised it was more of an inspirational piece suggesting that people can choose whether to be depressed or not when they wake up. This of course is a massive statement to make! Although I appreciate you have added the footnote to take this fact in to account. Your story did make me wonder at the end though - can people really CHOOSE whether to be depressed or not? Perhaps it would be more fitting to use the word "misery" or "negativity" so as not to get it confused with the illness?

These are of course just my opinions and I'm probably biased! There may be many people who would agree with you, although I would be concerned they don't know what depression really means - how wonderful that must be!! *Wink*

An interesting story which could of course cause various debates - great writing style though and fantastic description in parts *Smile* *Star*

** Image ID #1922381 Unavailable **



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Review of Caught  Open in new Window.
Review by Jellyfish Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello bas Author IconMail Icon

I am reviewing your item as part of "I Write in August-September-October" Open in new Window.

How well you answered the prompt

The prompt was to include the line "This is ridiculous!" in less than 300 words so you fit the prompt perfectly. I also thought this was an imaginative way in which you responded to today's prompt in the contest.


Title

I liked the short and sweet title of "Caught" - it sounds quite dramatic which is fitting with the story.


Setting

I thought that you made the setting for your story of an airport baggage reclaim quite realistic. You also captured the irritation of having to wait for your baggage to appear and that ultimate worry - that it won't! As someone who travels quite a bit, I always worry about this and I hate waiting for my bags and often feel "this is ridiculous"! so I think that idea worked well here. *Smile*


Plot

Although your story is very short, you still managed to have a plot which I think is clever in flash fiction. I liked the dramatic ending and conclusion.


Suggestions

1) He waited for little longer - This should read "He waited a little longer"

2) with in five minutes - "Within" is one word

3) the attendant who a returned rather quickly - This may be a typo and should say "had" not "a"

4)With out the boarding pass - "Without" is one word

Also, a thought I had at the end - your boarding pass is given to you before you board the flight, but he is collecting his bags - presumably after getting off the flight, so would probably no longer have the boarding pass and certainly no longer need it. Perhaps this would be better if it said "passport"? Of course he could be getting a connecting flight *Wink*. I'm probably only picky about this detail because I go to airports a lot!!

In conclusion

I thought this was a nice entry and interpretation of the prompt and I think you described the airport setting and the characters emotions well. You also had a well defined plot in your very short story. There were a few typos and errors but could probably easily be fixed by reading through again *Smile*

These are of course, only my opinions and all writing is subjective!

Good luck in the contest!


*Plane* *Suitcase* *Shock*



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Review of Life Goes By..  Open in new Window.
Review by Jellyfish Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Red Author IconMail Icon

I am reviewing your poem as you have sent a review request for this item.

Firstly, I don't think the "lazy" tone you mentioned in your message to me is a problem. I like the tone of the poem and I think that it flows well *Smile*. I also like the way you have laid it out, it makes it pleasant to read.

Initially, as I read your first verse I thought this was going to be a holiday themed poem. I really like the first verse and think it really captures those timeless, pleasurable days on the beach. I think that the rhymes are good too!

Unfortunately you lost me a bit in the second verse as the events which happen here seem completely detached from the scene I have just been shown - things seem to have taken a sudden depressing turn for the worse and I am not sure why!? Of course, I appreciate that you may be being purposely vague which is a poet's prerogative *Wink*. In addition, I am a bit confused why your last line of this verse Is "everything's fine" when it doesn't seem to be.....

The last verse I also like, although again I am slightly confused as to how it fits in with the others. I am thinking that the writer starts off on holiday, then has some terrible journey home and ends up in his/her attic reminiscing over the past perhaps?. I thought the description of the attic in this verse was effective and again, the rhymes are good and work well. The only word I wasn't sure of was "fetter" - I didn't actually know what this meant so I googled it -" A chain or manacle used to restrain a prisoner, typically placed around the ankles" - seems a bit odd that someone would have one of these in their attic but each to their own I guess! *Wink*

All in all, I thought the tone of the poem was good and it rhymed and flowed well. The verses did not really connect for me personally - especially the second one. I really liked the first verse and could have happily read more along those lines!! *Smile* *Sun* *Beach*




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Review by Jellyfish Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello Pyramid Jones Author IconMail Icon

I am reviewing your story as you have sent me a review request for this item.

Title

I am a little confused by your title - In itself I don't think it is a bad title for a story but having read the piece, I don't see how it really fits? Perhaps I am missing something though....

Plot

I have to admit I was quite surprised by your plot - in a positive way! *Smile*. I really did not see the end coming and I thought it was a great ending to the story. I actually thought that he was going to wake up and find it was all a dream - which of course would have been a bit of a cliché. I felt that the story was quite fast paced and worked up towards a dramatic ending and what you had written as an ending did not disappoint. The story is odd but interesting and the whole thing has a slightly surreal quality to it - which is, I guess, what you were going for.

Style

I thought that your writing style was quite abrupt. Although easy to read, at times I felt like I was reading more through a chronological list of events rather than an actual story, probably because of the short, choppy sentences. Of course, I appreciate this may be your writing style! To be fair, I did want to continue reading to find out what happened in the end *Smile*


Suggestions

The layout of your story is quite off - putting. I am guessing you have copied and pasted it from another program, but it could probably do with a little editing and taking out the page numbers. There are also quite a few typos and simple spelling mistakes so it may be an idea to run it though a spell checker or just have another read. I don't think these things are necessarily major problems as you can always get someone to edit it for you, but it does make it more difficult to read.

I am also not sure why you have omitted all place names from the story, just drawing a line instead? Unless perhaps this is a true story?? But then you have given names so this seems unlikely. If you did not want to use real place names then I would just make some up! *Smile*

I would say that you don't need the opening paragraph - but this is of course up to you.


Conclusion

I thought this was an interesting story - if a little weird! I liked the ending and as I read I wanted to know what was going to happen. You describe the settings in the story - such as the mental hospital - well although your style is quite abrupt and could perhaps flow better. I would recommend doing a spell check for simple typos and mistakes.

*Smile* *Cool*


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Review by Jellyfish Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello 🌖 HuntersMoon Author IconMail Icon

I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

Title

The title grabbed my attention as I enjoy stories with a gambling theme, especially about poker as I used to play quite a bit. Obviously the story does have a gambling theme so that fits although I am not sure what the "Tradition" bit relates to, having read the story?


Plot/theme

I am not really sure that there was much of a plot to the short story, more a relating of events from a particular character. I enjoyed reading it nevertheless so I don't think this necessarily matters - however I did find myself left wondering many things - how did Card actually die? What were the things left unsaid? What was the truth he understood? I appreciate that you may have been purposefully vague with some things however, to leave it to the imagination of the reader so to speak.


Characters

I thought your main character of Joshua was well depicted and I found him interesting as a character. It was also nice to read a bit of his background story. Although Card is dead right at the beginning, as he is the other main character here I would probably have liked to hear a bit more about him other than the fact that he was a gambler who befriended Josh


Setting

I liked the way you took a typical every - day activity and applied it in a futuristic sci - fi setting and I thought this worked well. Your brief descriptions of the other planets and some of their inhabitants were entertaining and made the story that bit more original and unusual - although it did remind me a little bit of "The Hitchhikers Guide"! *Smile* But your descriptions are good and I could envisage the setting as I was reading.


Style

What I really liked about your story was your writing style as I found it pleasing to read right from the start and this encouraged me to continue reading. You write in the third person but I felt as though I could really envisage the emotions of the main character Joshua and his connection to the elusive Card. The story flowed very well and made sense throughout which I always think is important!


Best Bits

"Joshua reached a hand out and turned the left arm over revealing an Ace of Diamonds tattoo. He remembered Card laughing, saying "It never hurts to have an ace up your sleeve.""

I liked this line, it made me smile and gave some character to the deceased Card

"A couple from Rigel, their dark hides dotted with starlight, pushed into the alcove, grappling at each other. Their low growls pulled Josh back into the present. Seeing him standing there, they made quick apologies and departed. Grow up! Get a room, he sent the thought after them."

I thought this was a good bit because it elaborated on the other worldly setting, but without being too obvious, plus it's funny *Smile*


In conclusion

I thought this story was entertaining and really enjoyed your writing style here. I liked the sci - fi setting and thought your main character was well portrayed, although there were certain parts of the story that left me wondering and I would have liked to hear a bit more about who Card was. A well written piece though and a good read *Smile*


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Review by Jellyfish Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Angels in my Ear Author IconMail Icon

I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

Title

The title "I Envy the Evergreen Tree" is a description of the poem. It tells the reader something of what to expect about the poem straight away - it will be a poem about an evergreen tree and someone or something that envy's it. We presume this will be a nature poem. The title is not only a title but also repeats itself throughout the poem as a first line of some of the verses. I thought this gave it a feeling of older, traditional poetry for some reason.


Content/Meaning

The poem tells the story of two trees - one an evergreen and one deciduous. Understandably, the latter, with its bare winter branches is jealous of the former. I did wonder whether this was a metaphor for something else, using the personification of the trees to depict jealousy between two people perhaps? Maybe I am reading too much in to it though!

I did become a bit confused at the line:

"Yet as they arrive,
they see his color
is a lie.

Whereas I enjoyed the theme in the first few verses, I am unsure of why the sudden shift to negativity about the evergreen tree. Why would he have no friends? Why would he be deceptive? The only thing I could think of was perhaps it is referring to a Christmas tree, which is fake and so hence the deception and so on, but the earlier parts of the poem do not seem to link to this.

I liked the last three lines which I thought tied up the poem well, again this ending made me think the poem was actually about people.

Form/Imagery

The poem is written in free form which I think is well done. I enjoy free form poetry and I thought your verses flowed easily and were pleasing to read. I thought that your description of the two trees was creative and I could picture them in the forest.

Best Bits

My favourite verse of your poem is:

"My only chance at companionship
lies in these crude birdhouses,
dangling precariously from my bare limbs;
a sad display
of my loneliness."

I thought this was a great description of the sorry tree with the bird feeders hanging from his bare branches. *Sad*

In conclusion

I liked reading your poem and the description of the two trees, plus guessing what the hidden meaning might be! I think you do have a talent for writing free form poetry because it flows very well. However I was confused at the switch from envy to scorn of the Evergreen tree which didn't seem to fit the theme of the poem and left me feeling a little lost at the end - although of course it may be really obvious to other readers!


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Review of Wonderland  Open in new Window.
Review by Jellyfish Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Jeff Author IconMail Icon

I am reviewing your item today for "I Write in June-July-August " Open in new Window.

I thought that you did a good job of interpreting the prompt of the Alice in Wonderland image and combining this with "dark" poetry. I don't think Alice in Wonderland is a particularly dark story - although a little strange in places! - so I would not have really associated these two things and would have found it hard to combine them, therefore I think you have done well to achieve this and at the same time writing in a specific form.

The poem seems to look at the wonderland in a different light for although it promises magic and an escape from real life, it also suggests that the place will become a trap, inescapable.

I suppose that the rabbit hole/wonderland could be a metaphor for a variety of things - drugs perhaps? death? descent in to some kind of madness? Or of course it could simply be a twisted version of the "Alice" story! I like poems that are open to interpretation by the reader however so I don't necessarily think this has to be made obvious.

The third verse was my favourite and I liked the repetitive refrain of "Come deeper down the rabbit hole".

The only negative really was that I didn't feel that it was particularly emotional as I was reading it which disconnected me from it slightly - but it could be purposely written that way of course - not all poetry has to show a particular level of emotion!

An interesting poem which made me think and a good reply to the prompt.

Good luck in the contest *Smile*


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Review by Jellyfish Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Charlie ~ Author IconMail Icon

I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.

First of all I want to tell you that I did enjoy this story. In fact, although I thought it started off a little slow and I was not immediately hooked by it, as the story went on, I found myself enjoying it more and you actually had me laughing out loud when it got to :

“An elephant? I don’t even like elephants,” Leah noted, turning the heavy beast over in her hands. It wasn’t even well crafted. “It’s missing a foot.”

I thought it was very clever and amusing the way Leah bemoans her gift whilst her family continue their inane conversation, oblivious to her *Wink*. Now this is not a scenario I cannot relate to because I don't really celebrate Christmas and nether does my family (partly for this reason lol) but I can imagine it happening in family's everywhere at Christmas and have listened to my friends moaning about unwanted Christmas prezzies!!

In terms of your characters, I thought they were very well described for such a short story, and you give quite a lot of background information in a casual way whereby we can see the history of this family and an insight in to the individual characters - Dad likes history, Nicole is materialistic, the parents are enjoying their child - free freedom and so on.

Your description of Leah makes me both warm to her and feel for her as the reader - having to deal with this nuts family!! *Laugh*

The only couple of things I was not sure about were the opening line where you have used her full name "Leah Wallace" - I don't know why but this seems slightly out of place to me - her surname does not seem relevant and I would just say "Leah". Of course, this is just a personal preference really *Smile*

I noticed you used the word "gotten" a few times such as here:

"Mom had gotten" - I don't want to seem like I am picking holes here as I realise you are probably from the US and this may therefore be normal written language but it seems quite like slang to me. I would probably have written "Mom had received" but maybe in other countries it is written differently.

Anyway, I liked your story, I thought you displayed a good writing style, believable description and characters, it was imaginative and it was funny too - a bonus! *Smile* *Laugh*


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Review of Ring of Fire  Open in new Window.
Review by Jellyfish Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello TJ Marie Author IconMail Icon

I am reviewing your story for "I Write in June-July-August " Open in new Window.

I found your story to be very imaginative and I liked the apocalyptic/futuristic and fantastical themes as well as the unusual - if a little complex- ideas running through it such as the ring of fire with its strange history and the unseen spirits who feed off people's negative emotions. I did find myself getting a little lost, especially towards the end and I felt that perhaps some of the ideas that were clear in your head as you were writing it did not make as much sense on the page - of course this could just be me!

When I first opened your story I did find the layout a bit distracting. I am not sure whether you have copied and pasted it from another programme which has altered the format but I found the double spacing and column layout made it a bit difficult to read and absorb the content.

One thing I did notice about your story is that you change tenses several times between the past and the present. Also, the story begins written in the first person as Dahlia but half way through changes to the third person. I am not sure if this was done purposely but again I did find this a bit distracting as it interrupted the flow of the story. There are also quite a few places where it seems as though a word or some punctuation has been missed out for example in these lines -

" I have been watching and waiting know the time is coming when
everything as we know it will change" - between waiting and know

"There are so many
levels to this world everyone has a piece of the story" - between world and everyone

"There is no love in these evil spirits and they thrive low level souls" - between thrive and low

In this line

"Psssst. Salina come here," says Salina. - I am guessing Rikou says this, not Salina to herself?

Also, Dahlia refers to Salina as a child and then at the end of the story they are described as two women, which again was a little confusing.

In conclusion, I think that you have a really good idea for a story here and I liked your characters and the setting which I thought fitted in well with the sci - fi/fantasy genre you have chosen. There are a few places where some extra text or punctuation could be added in order to make the story easier to understand and I would probably edit the layout which would make it more pleasing to read.

Good luck in the contest you have entered! *Smile*


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Review of Today It Ended  Open in new Window.
Review by Jellyfish Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Embracing Life Author IconMail Icon

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*


I liked the title to your poem "Today it Ended" - it is starkly abrupt and really captures the essence of the bitterness that runs right through your poem.

What I thought was great about the way you write here is that it is very emotional in a raw and blatant way and in my opinion, to write good poetry, you have to be able to convey emotion effectively. The poem which is about a break up of a relationship is a mixture of anger, love and desperation - all mixed emotions I am sure many people can relate to and have experienced in this situation. I think readers will often like reading a poem they can have a connection with.

My favourite lines in your poem are :

"But new things fade fast.
She will be just as average as me soon enough"

This is an interesting insight in to relationships and how true!

and

"I'm a skeleton of the person I was.
I'm just bones gliding through the motions."

I like this metaphor, it is a powerful image and lets the reader really imagine how you are feeling.

The use of profanity in your poem is not necessarily a bad thing, it is a personal choice whether you use it, although if you are then you should definitely be rating your poem 18+ and not E.

It is interesting that you have used ways to emphasise words such as the underlining and bolding of certain words. I have not seen this in poetry and don't think it is entirely necessary but then, this is your choice. I don't understand the crossing out of the word "don't" however.

The poem has some good imagery and emotive thoughts, I didn't think it flowed entirely like poetry as more of a collection of thoughts but still, I enjoyed reading it and it is written in an original kind of format - there are no real rules with free form poetry after all! *Smile*


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Review of The Photo  Open in new Window.
Review by Jellyfish Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)

Hello TessaT Author IconMail Icon

I found your item for review on the "Please Review" Open in new Window. page.

I read your short story and so thought I would leave a review - these are just my general thoughts and opinions.....

Title

Your title - "The Photo" is both evasive and intriguing at the same time. We know that the story is based on a photograph but of course, a photograph could be of anything and the subject is really what the story is about. This held my interest enough to want to read your story, in order to find out. *Smile*

Characters

There is only one character in the story and I thought enough clues were given in the story to get an insight in to her character - from it the reader knows her gender, her marital status and can make an educated guess at her age. In very short stories I personally do not think it is necessary to give excessive details on the vital statistics of a character although I have been chastised for this in my own writings.....

Style

I thought your style of writing was easy to read and made me want to continue reading. You use a lot of description which I am fond of, because it allows me as the reader to really picture the scene. I found that some of your paragraphs were made up of a lot of short, abrupt sentences which I think cause a story to flow less well although I don't believe that grammatically this is incorrect. Sometimes you repeat the same word many times in one paragraph, such as "Maybe" in the first paragraph and then when talking about her friendship with Gail, the word "they". You could vary this a bit - for example saying, "The two of them", "The pair" etc to make it a bit more eclectic - however I appreciate you may have intentionally written it in this manner.

Plot

I found the idea of the story interesting at first - A woman finds a picture in a box in her closet which reminds her of an old friend she has not seen for a long time. I like the whole "fate" concept - as if she was MEANT to take the box down at that time, see the picture which would then prompt her to contact Gail. I have to admit that I thought there would be some kind of climax to the story - would she try to contact Gail and find out she was dead, or wouldn't want to speak to her, or happened to live round the corner or something else! I was a little disappointed in the ending where we are just left with the image of the woman looking at the photo.

Overall

I thought your story was interesting to read with lots of description and based on a good idea for a plot although I would have liked there to be a more dramatic ending.....


Jellyfish sig

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"King's Landing updating " Open in new Window.


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Review by Jellyfish Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Fyn Author IconMail Icon

Header for The Gift Shop This review is one that 👼intuey Author Icon bought for you from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. with the message: Dear Fyn, here are the two reviews still owed, plus four extra, for being late. My sincere apologies. I've been going through a pretty stressful personal health crisis. I hope you enjoy your reviews. God Bless. Tracey'

I chose to read this piece from your portfolio because New Years is one of my favourite celebrations. I have so many memories of the occasion from over the years and I was interested to see your point of view of the occasion *Smile*

The poem was not quite what I expected - on reading the title and description I automatically presumed that it would be about a big celebration, a party, night out or some such - perhaps that just says a lot about myself! *Laugh*

However, although not reciprocating my own experiences I still found the poem a very enjoyable read. I really like your writing style and the way you describe the scenes within the poem such as in your first line -

"December's blue moon still hung heavy in the sky" - I thought this was a beautiful opening to the poem"

My favourite part is here -

"The moments, ripe with all the plausibilities
of new beginnings, stretched out
into the moon-gilded night."

These lines ring so true to me - how there seems to be a feeling in the air at New Year of something new and fresh, of how anything could happen.

I also like the way the snowy clothes are

"seeping winter into the new carpet"

I found the ending a little romantically sentimental for me but then I am such a anti - romantic! *Wink*. I still thought it was a very well written poem which flowed well and had some strong imagery. *Smile*

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"King's Landing updating " Open in new Window.


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Review of Coffee  Open in new Window.
Review by Jellyfish Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Christine Author IconMail Icon

Header for The Gift Shop This review is part of the gift basket that Rhonda Author Icon bought for you from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. with the message 'Christine, just a little something to say Thank-you so much for all you have done for me. You have been a wonderful mentor, and an even better friend. You are the most compassionate, kind, caring and thoughtful person I have the honour of knowing. Thank-you for being my dear, sweet, beautiful friend and most of all for being you! ((HUGS)) & *Heart* xo with Love, Rhonda.

As I am not a particular fan of erotica and romance stories, I wandered through your miscellaneous folder and was drawn to this item - mainly because I don't drink coffee and I was interested to see what you had to say about the murky drink.... *Wink*

Overall I thought this was a really well written piece - your actions and emotions are so accurately described that I can picture your every movement as you make and drink the hot beverage - a ritual which you have perfected in to an art it seems! As I read, it is as if I am watching you from afar. Your last paragraph really shows your preference for writing erotica as you describe the feeling of drinking the coffee.

Coffee is an odd substance, it seems to me. There are probably many people who would nod in agreement to everything you have written here. My Mum for instance loves her coffee - usually with a nice piece of cake *Wink*. To many, it is more than just a hot drink, and that is the concept you describe so well here. People who don't drink coffee will probably never understand the addiction - but then, I adore red wine and not everybody would understand that concept.*Laugh*

My favourite part of your piece was where you describe filling the kettle and cleaning your mug - now this I really can relate to, because when I make a cup of tea I always do this! In fact, I am quite OCD about not using existing kettle water - just the thought of it sitting there muddled with limescale for hours on end - how disgusting! *Shock* The mug washing I tend to do because I don't trust anyone else in my house to wash up properly! And yes, I always boil my kettle - in fact I never heard of anyone boiling it to 90 degrees and didn't know you could!

So maybe we do have SOME things in common - if I came over to yours, I would definitely let you make me a cup of tea .....I'll bring the biscuits......*Smile* *Wink* *Heart*

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Review of Pencil and Pen  Open in new Window.
Review by Jellyfish Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello franklin Author IconMail Icon

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*


I found this a really unusual and interesting short story to read with an original theme. The story seems to have several layers - on the surface it is a simple conversation between a pen and a pencil discussing which one of them should write an assignment - each point out their own flaws whilst heralding the other one's talents.

Scratching away at the surface this appears to be a somewhat philosophical insight. Often we put ourselves down and presume that others can do something better than we can because they are cleverer, more confident or talented etc. but in the end, life is made up of a collaboration of all sorts of ideas from people of all types of background - at least, this is what the story makes me think! *Smile*

The end of the story leaves the reader thinking about these rhetorical questions asked which I like - A thought provoking piece is always a good one in my book. *Smile*

I thought your writing style flowed well and used a good range of descriptive vocabulary. The only negative thing I noticed was that the tenses switch a few times. The story begins in the past tense then switches to the present at the end of the first paragraph. In the fourth paragraph it switches back to the past again and then right at the end, the present tense once more.

Also, in this line:

"and as the admired their work" - I am presuming "the" is a typo and should read "they".

An enjoyable story to read - I am wondering as you have noted this is for a contest and then the 200 words reference whether this was written for the "200 word short story contest"? If so, it might be a thought to include this fact as a footnote as it would give the story another angle. If not, it must just be a coincidence! *Laugh*

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Review by Jellyfish Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Stuart Author IconMail Icon

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*


I found your item for review on the "Please Review" Open in new Window. page.

Your poem stood out in the list because of the unusual title - it is not often you come across a poem written about metals! It reminded me of learning the periodic table when I was in school. I like the way you have woven some scientific facts in to the poem (at least I am presuming they are facts! *Shock* ). It takes a subject which is relatively tedious for many people and makes it fun - as though it may be written for children trying to learn the periodic table!

I thought your poem flowed quite nicely although I am not quite sure why you have written the line "I like 'em" twice. Personally I am not overly keen in this kind of slang English used in poetry either although that is just my own preference as I know many people do use it. I was not overly convinced either on the simile of "sputum" used - this is not something which would spring to my mind when thinking of silvery metals but everyone has a different imagination I suppose! *Wink*

The ending of the poem I am guessing is meant to be humorous although does seem a little childish - at first I thought you may only be very young so I had a peek at your bio - not the case so I guess this is just your sense of humour! *Wink*

An unusual subject matter makes your poem an interesting read and it flows well - although I am not sure we share the same sense of humour! Always nice to meet a fellow Brit on WDC however *Smile* *Cool*

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Review by Jellyfish Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello G. B. Williams Author IconMail Icon

I found your poem on the "Please Review" Open in new Window. page.

What I enjoyed most about your poem was the imagery. Being a bit of a sun worshipper myself, I could really appreciate the sentiment of the writer here - how the sun cutting through the dull, cloudy day suddenly brightens one's mood. The appearance of the sun definitely makes me feel better - although as I live in England we don't get to see it too often *Wink*

I found your poem to be very descriptive and could picture the sun appearing slowly until it takes its place "ablaze" in the sky!

Your use of rhyming couplets works quite well - the first few do not rhyme perfectly but I do not necessarily think this matters in poetry. However, the flow of the poem is a little stilted in places, there seems to be too many syllables in some of the lines for it to flow smoothly - for example in this line:

"What a sight to see as the sun fully break through.
Changing everything including me who was feeling so blue."

Also in this line, should the word "break" be the past tense "broke"? Or perhaps breaks? (maybe this is just a typo *Smile*)

I liked the last line of the poem:

"Showing everyone that nothing remains the same."

It hints at a sense of optimism in a time of gloom - just like the sun appearing from the clouds *Smile*


*Sun* *Delight* *Sun*

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Review of Carpe Diem  Open in new Window.
Review by Jellyfish Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Dave Author IconMail Icon

I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

Title

Your title "Carpe Diem", Latin for "Seize the Day" could relate to many different themes. The poem is described as romance but this is not necessarily obvious from the title. The title encouraged me to read on out of curiosity. The phrase also reminds me of one of my favourite films, "The Dead Poet's Society". Have you seen it? If not, I definitely recommend it *Smile*.

Form

You have made a point of stating that your poem is a "Grossblank" poem. I like the fact that you have included a note about this at the end as I would have had no idea what this meant. I read the content in the link and found it interesting, although I am a little confused as it states at the start that this form was "created in 2001". Can you just create a form of poetry like that?

I always find it impressive when people write poems to a specific form as it isn't something I tend to do, mostly writing free - form poetry or a very simple rhyming scheme that everyone is familiar with. However I have counted all your lines and syllables and they seem to match the description - very clever! *Smile* I quite like the form actually, I think it reads well.

Content/Meaning

The overall meaning of the poem seems quite straight forward to me at first: A young couple spend a summer in romantic bliss centred around a beach setting and then, in conclusion, the summer is over and the relationship ends. I am a little confused in the last verse as it is not clear to me why the coming of winter means the ending of a relationship? Perhaps these two have met on a summer holiday or something - a bit like in "Grease"?! Perhaps they have just finished college and have to go out in to the World of work hence their "youthful" phase being over, but I am not really sure. Of course, it may have been written this way on purpose so that the reader can fill in the blanks and draw their own conclusions....

Imagery/writing style

For me, the best part of your poem is your imagery and your descriptions. Because of this, it does not seem to matter as much that the theme is not something which particularly interests me or which I can relate to as your poem is worded so beautifully. The words sound like water tumbling from a waterfall! The sunset morphing to "velvet black", the moon gliding "'cross the spangled sky" and the winter clouds cloaking "the light of day" all contribute to making this poem a pleasurable read and conjure up these striking images of nature in my mind.

In conclusion

I enjoyed reading this poem, you display your obvious talent for writing poetry here in an interesting form with some fantastic imagery and well described settings. The meaning at the end felt a little unclear to me but it was nevertheless a rewarding read. *Smile*


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Review of Dark  Open in new Window.
Review by Jellyfish Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi ~ Santa Sisco ~ Author IconMail Icon

I am reviewing this item as part of your winning package in "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. Whilst we have interacted on WDC before I realise that I have never really taken a look at your portfolio before, other than to see you are a fellow Brit! Having looked at your welcome page and how you got your username, I decided to go for the poetry section of your portfolio as this is in general what I write and what I prefer to read and review on WDC. *Smile*

The "Dark" poetry folder naturally drew me in as this is also what I write a lot of the time and well, because I suppose I am kind of a "Dark" person. I like your fitting banner with the lightening and feel the 18+ rating is appropriate for your content.

I am really glad that I have happened upon this collection of dark poetry because I found it an interesting read. This type of poetry really appeals to me. I like your rhyming schemes, the layout of your poems, your writing style and also some of the subjects your write about here are personal to me and therefore I like to read about them. I suppose, partly because if you read about other people's similar feelings and experiences you feel less alone and partly because it is more interesting to read about something you understand or can relate to.

My favourite poem in your collection here is "Dark Scribe". I also really like "Aches and Pains" and "Homeless". The former two because I can relate to what you are saying in these poems and I like the blunt emotions you portray. The latter, not because it is something I personally relate to but I deal with a lot of homeless people in my job and I think that you have painted a very true and heartfelt picture. I especially like the line:

"You give money to feed those far away,
Yet you walk past the needy every day."

I think this says a lot for our country.

I definitely think you have a talent for writing dark poetry and for expressing your emotions through this medium. You write in a way that is easy to understand and to relate to, but still in a descriptive and creative way. I enjoyed reading all the poems in this collection, there was nothing really I disliked although some poems appealed more to me than others.

*Smile* *Stary* *Smile*


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Review by Jellyfish Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
A lovely idea Kasia and very artistic *Smile*
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Review of Puzzle Passion  Open in new Window.
Review by Jellyfish Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Little Birdie Author IconMail Icon

I enjoyed reading your flash fiction story. I would have liked to see a link to the contest you entered, just out of curiosity really and to also see whether your odd theme was relevant to the contest in some way! *Wink*

What I liked about your story was the way that you created two characters, a setting and a plot in such a small number of words - I think it is difficult to pack all that in such a short story! I liked the way the tiger "communicates" with George from the box.

My favourite line -

"George didn’t know much about model airplanes, but he figured he’d just wing it. " - Ha ha, a great pun to end your story with! *Laugh*

The one line I felt was a little misplaced is -

“Ugh…I’m such a loser.” - in such a short story, it seems a shame to have lines which are not really saying much. I think this line would be improved if George gave an answer to his Mum's question - either an excuse or him lamenting that he is always on the last minute, something like that. There is nothing wrong with the line, but this is just my opinion *Smile*

Good luck in the contest you have entered!


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Review of Firebug  Open in new Window.
Review by Jellyfish Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Nathan Peterson Author IconMail Icon

I found your item on the Plug Page. I liked the title "Firebug" which sounded quite dramatic, maybe fantastical - not the case I realised when I read the description of your piece, yet this intrigued me too. When I was a child I was terrified of fire. I used to wake up in the night crying with terrible nightmares about fires and if there ever came anything on TV about a fire, like on the News my parents had to turn it off. I have no idea why and it stopped when I was around 10 years old and we moved house. Anyway, I was intrigued by the opposite perspective to mine!

I can empathise with your first paragraph - I am also a child of the 80's and I remember how things were then. My parents rarely smoked but I remember going up the shops with my friend to buy ciggies for her Mum. Imagine that now - a couple of 8 or 9 year old buying cigarettes!! We always had matches lying around - mainly because when the electric went and we didn't have 20p to put in the meter we could light a candle (I wasn't scared of those). Oh, and because we had a gas cooker with a broken clicker.

You have some lovely description in your piece - like how you remember the matches burning, the colour and the smell and even the sound of the flames. Your style of writing is easy to read and has a seductive quality to it. I am not too sure about the reference to heroin. Although I understand the analogy, it doesn't really seem to fit with the piece, because you are telling a story about a childhood memory. Certainly if you keep it, your item should probably not be rated "E"....

I thought this was an interesting insight into someone's childhood and generally a well written piece. I also enjoyed the ending, it made me laugh *Smile*


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Review by Jellyfish Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello silverpen Author IconMail Icon

After meeting you on the general discussion forum, I decided to take a look at your portfolio. I chose this poem to read since Christmas has just been and gone so it is fresh in my mind I suppose.

Your poem here tells a story from the writers point of view about how he finds Christmas, or rather the Christmas spirit. The poem seems to point out that the commercial and stereotypical connotations of Christmas - the lights, the santas, the buying of presents etc - are not the things that provide true Christmas spirit, rather the little things which we take for granted - here, the simple kindness of a young child. I agree in principal with your moral tale as I don't really celebrate Christmas myself in the commercial way so I enjoyed the theme here.

Your narrative I found easy to read and follow, even though it is a long piece, and I like the way you have painted your imagery. As a poem however, I did not feel that it read especially poetically - more like one of those feel-good, inspirational, mini - stories people are always posting on Facebook. This is of course the style you have chosen to write in and does not mean I did not enjoy reading your poem - it is quite original as a poem after all, to me it just read more like a story.

I liked the heart-warming, if a little soppy ending which was a surprise as I did not really know what the writer would find at the end of his quest....

*Smile*


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Review of When It Mattered  Open in new Window.
Review by Jellyfish Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Prosperous Snow celebrating Author IconMail Icon

I found your poem looking for blue cases to review for
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This item number is not valid.
#1963677 by Not Available.


I am also checking out the competition for this contest as I am thinking of entering *Smile*

I thought that this was a quietly powerful poem which although is simply written, shows the pain and the emotion of the writer concerning this person she has lost. I am presuming from the last line that this person has left rather than passed away - the "searching everywhere" hinting at this. It shows that the writer has not yet been able to overcome her emotions for the person he or she writes about.

I think it works well as a love poem, if a dark one, although that is the kind of love poem I prefer, I suppose. Perhaps I can connect to them better that those full of delight, kisses and roses *Wink*.

My favourite line is this one:

"You left me shivering in the cold,
My soul adrift in time and space.

I think this describes the feeling of emptiness and being lost well. I thought the poem flowed well and had a sing-song quality to it which made it pleasing to read.

Good luck in the contest *Smile*


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Review by Jellyfish Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Lesley Scott Author IconMail Icon

I found this article whilst looking for things to read and review on the "Random review" tab.

The main thing that strikes me about your story/article is the vast amount of knowledge that you exhibit about this subject which is evidently very dear to your heart. To be honest I have not had much to do with horses/donkeys/mules etc. in my life and it can sometimes be tedious to hear tales of other peoples passions about the latter, however, I found your story quite charming and, although you use some technical terms in your piece, I feel that it is written well for the average person who perhaps (like myself) knows little about this subject.

It was interesting to read about your mule related exploits - although I am not quite sure of the relevance of this kissing! Perhaps this is just to draw people to read the story*Smile*

The best bit - "Save Fuel, Ride a Mule" - Inspired! *Delight*

*Horse**Heart**Bookopen* *Smile*


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