*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/nixie9/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/14
Review Requests: OFF
3,273 Public Reviews Given
3,312 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 10 11 12 13 -14- 15 16 17 18 19 ... Next
326
326
Review of The Memory Girl  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Ms. Meowcaron
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above.

Wow, that title and brief description snagged my attention from the listings of new writer's right over to your story. I couldn't wait to read it.

And then, uh-oh. What happened? Is this merely an introduction to a larger work? Some sort of sci-fi mystery? Would scientists uncover how the girl's brain worked? Could her abilities be transferred to other brains? How miserable would her life be? Locked up in a scientific facility, just as she feared.

So, I made all that up because the next thing that happens is the maid coming in, telling Solie she has an interview? Was Soile dreaming or fantasizing? Was the fairy real? Or did the appointment have something to do with her being studied?

I'm left in quite a quandary, although I had fun thinking where this story might be going. I hope what you have written blossoms into a full story with plot, setting, characters, conflict, the entire package. Otherwise, I'm lost.

The story has so much potential. It wouldn't be an easy write due to the specifics of the topic. Please don't be discouraged by anyone's review, including mine. Authors have to keep on writing and writing until their dream materializes.

Here's a place where you can stop by and meet some other new members. Just click the link below.

"Noticing Newbies" 

All the best,
Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
327
327
Review of The Rose  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Rosalyn

Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above.

I read this several times, trying to discern if the story was a metaphor for a young woman afraid to venture into the world. The thorns would have been her confidence, which one can only take from themselves.

The title and brief description were clear, and this was meant to be taken literally. So a fantasy of sorts. Time to shift gears *Gears* and rearrange my thoughts.

I fell in love with both the character and the rose. The rose's vulnerability touched me, and the tender narrator treated the rose as if it were her child. So precious the moment she put the rose next to her. And how tragic when the rose took its' final and last breath.

What an imagination you have, to personify a rose. The story was tender and gentle, almost like a whisper on the wind. In fact, I think everything you wrote became clear to me, because I was using some of the words as in the story. Excellent job pulling me in to your dream while I contemplated if the story was really the story. Gosh, that sounds idiotic. *Laugh*

Yours is a story to cherish. It speaks of inevitability as everyone, especially a creature of nature dies. At least the rose didn't die alone.

So here's the final comment. Some reviewers take off a half point for no reason I can discern. I guess if a writer receives all five stars, what else would they strive for? Would five stars bring expectation that might lead to disappointment? I didn't find anything wrong with your story, so I'm giving all five stars.

The writing was clear and spaced out for an easy read. The 'dialogue' didn't ramble on. The simple exchange was just that. A lovely piece of work.

Thanks so much for the read and for being part of my entree for the activity shown above. *Laugh* Keep writing!

~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
328
328
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi NorahMae!
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. I'm cooking up a meal and you're an ingredient in my Entree. *Laugh*

Excellent idea to capture those wandering ideas. Must be the head below the feet stimulates the mind. When I meditate all sorts of stories and thoughts are revealed. But when the hour is up, everything disappears. I wish my speculations could be captured like yours.

The main theme is focus, as expressed in bold. That's an exercise in frustration. We need our strong minds to take control and shut out unhelpful thoughts. Sometimes before I meditate, I write everything in my mind on a piece of paper. Then it's out of my head.

The imagery created here is powerful. Simple things like fans, music, words turn magical when written as you have.

A few unrelated thoughts. Why don't you choose a genre other than other? *Laugh* Maybe personal, emotional, let your mind dream. You have the ability.

Members like to read authors' bios, or at least I do. Tell us a bit about yourself. It helps when people are trying to relate to your work. Some members live outside the states, probably lots of members, and their cultures differ from Americans. Yesterday, I didn't understand someone's meaning, When I asked he was kind enough to tell me it was a Hindu practice.

Keep dreaming, contemplating, writing! Oops. I forgot to mention you found the perfect title for this poem.

Okay, last thought, I promise. You may want to meet some new members here:

"Noticing Newbies" 

Nixie *Smile*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
329
329
Review of Memories  
Review by Nixie
Rated: E | (3.5)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Aster
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above.

Huh. Your poem was one I had to read a few times over. Are the last two lines asking if we're looking at a reflection of yourself, or an out of body experience (peeping through a windowpane)

The mind is complex and we don't understand how it all works together.

Memories are not accurate. We forget and our minds fill in the blanks with bits and pieces it finds in the brain. However, what you're listing isn't specific to one single memory.

I don't think the brief description matches the content.
In the poem you're talking about sounds, smells, emotions, nothing specific that is 'an integral part of who we are today.'

At any rate, poems are subjective. Another person may glean something entirely different. I understand the main message, but not what I mention in the review.

*Down*
You should probably look at a dictionary for the meaning of these two words.

amalgamate refers to merging chemistry or structures.

Aghast is an adjective not a noun.

Some [t]o scared to recount, > [too] sacred

I wish that one typo wasn't there because that line is my favorite. *Heart*

I wanted this to be the sweetest review ever. The concept and the way you're trying to express it is precious. I was unable to overlook the errors. *Sad*

Good news: You can edit this, or learn and move on to something else. *Bigsmile*

Would you like to meet more newbies?

You can check this out!

FORUM
Noticing Newbies  (13+)
A warm welcome to our newbies; come meet new and not-so-new members of Writing.Com!
#126963 by The StoryMistress



~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
330
330
Review of Mum was Cranky  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hi Greg M. Nixie here. I found your story using the read and review option.


Overall Impression
I can't move on with any commentary when one question is burning in my head. Who/what is Muppet? A dog? A cat? A gerbil? If it's an animal, I hope the paint wasn't harmful.

Characters/Setting
Great job showing Mom's anger and Billy's suspicious responses.

I wonder where this action took place? The kitchen? Was the mom cooking and the air smelled like (cookies)? Indulge the reader. Let them see,hear, and smell. Were they in the living room? (Mom stopped vacuuming.) Silence.
If my mom stopped vacuuming, I'd rather die than face her wrath. (a slight over-exaggeration)

Oops
All punctuation goes inside the quotation marks. One example, there's several more.
“Neville did it”.
*Down*
“Neville did it."

*****

Full capitalization is not used in fiction. Italics work!
JUST TELL ME WHY MUPPET IS COVERED IN WET PAINT!”.
Just tell me why Muppet is covered in wet paint.
You can 'show' the anger, as you've done before. Through description and actions.

Let me demonstrate you how accomplished you are. Here is a textbook example of your writing conveying feelings.

I put my hands in my pockets and kept looking down. There were bits of red and blue paint on my sneakers.

I can see Billy's guilt.

In the same sentence, consider changing the word order to avoid the passive verb [were]. Try to avoid all passive verbs.

Example: I put my hands in my pockets and kept looking down at the bits of red and blue paint on my sneakers.

Closing comments
I understand this is a humorous short story. I figured out where the plot was going and what the conclusion would be. (I don't like it when readers tell me that.)*Laugh*

I'm guessing this is a one-off since there hasn't been any editing. Perhaps it's for a contest? At any rate, my comments are not meant to discourage you. Just take what you (hopefully) understood and keep on writing!!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
331
331
Review of Premonition  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Normajean.
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. I hope you don't mind being an ingredient in my appetizer recipe.

Title's okay, and brief description was enough to snag me. The cover art was the real thief of my mind and fingers. My heart belongs to children.

Since my mom always called me overly emotional and dramatic, my sympathy was for Jolene. I was angered by the way her family treated her. Perhaps she couldn't express what was wrong, but she should not have been ignored.

I get Jolene's mom's reaction. From the dialogue and mention of another doctor, I surmised that this family lives in the country. All the dropped [g's] were another indication. The reader was further clued in when the family had to go to the free clinic. I had to do that once, during a horrific time in my life. The scene you presented lined up with mine.

Outstanding portrayal of the family. I heard the song and the baby crying. A bit about what the characters looked like would have been beneficial and interesting. Also, try to work in some noises, other than crying, to fully immerse your reader in your dream world. Smells engage the senses as well.

The doctor's examination was also spot on. I would (and did) react the same way. Silent and compliant. Mine was not a miserable feeling like Jolene's, but someone should have asked the right questions. Maybe then my life would have turned out differently. No matter. I've moved on.

From this line it sounded as if Jolene has had similar complaints before.
This girl never is sick so when she says somethin' is wrong, well then we bring her here to see Doctor Ben."

I hope it's obvious how closely I connected to your story. I practically walked right into that family's house and watched them. You made that happen. *Bigsmile*

The last line could be interpreted in two differing ways. Due to my 'dramatic' personality, I believe in Jolene. *Heart* At least she finally got some much-needed attention.

~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
332
332
Review of Alone and Sad  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Connieann!

Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. It's been a long time since I landed in your port. Maybe you even forgot me.

I cannot lie. Sad titles or expressions of emotional pain yank me so there's no way to move on without comment. Your title and brief description caught me.

Without your (or the character's) experience, I can't completely connect with the writing. I do understand pain and loss. Have I'm moved on? Not the same as your poem extols. (which is encouraging and uplifting)

Rather, I chose a combination for my retreat, different from this beautiful spread of matching words. I retreated, dropped out from society, other than WdC and prefer being alone. Yes, sometimes I am lonely, but not as often as being alone works for me. I do have family members dear to me. They'll always be in my heart.

My absolute favorite line *Heart* was the last. Not everyone has reached that realization. As my mom paraphrased phrase, slightly different from the original part of a poem by Ella Wheeler: Laugh and world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone.

As a kid, the words stung and depressed me. It's such an isolation expression. An island among the joyous people.

As an adult, I now understand. We live the life we created. Our minds are strong. We only have to exercise them.

Lovely poem. Perhaps my interpretation wasn't your precise message. If that offends you, I apologize. For me, words from a writer's heart flow into mine, morphing along the way. What you wrote helped me in ways I cannot express. *Smile*


~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
333
333
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Ken.
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. Random review dropped me in your port again! Just so you know, you're an ingredient in the appetizer. *Laugh*

You never fail to delight me. Especially when you make me laugh. The title and brief description are perfect. The cover art was totally misleading. If someone reads a Valentine poem, they expect to see a couple. I had to peer at that image to see what I expected wasn't there.

The term soulmate is getting old and losing its meaning. Or I'm cynical. Take your pick. *Laugh*

All the rhymes are even, and the punctuation guides the reader so the poem flows gracefully. Even if someone is doubling over with cramps while laughing. Lots of lines began with [she's] but unlike a short story, the same words in close proximity are not an issue. In fact, it enhances the reading experience, with each stanza drifting into another.

I suppose what you're proclaiming could be true, but only if a person likes a certain animal. Dogs are stinky and need too much care. Cleaning up after them in the grass is disgusting. Some may argue a litter box is worse. No way. I watch people walk around with plastic bags full of warm excrement while they look for a disposal receptacle. Disgusting. I bet you guessed, I'm a cat person.

Oh, the final lines. Haha. *Laugh*

*Right* Ken, it's your duty to keep amusing readers.

~Nix out.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
334
334
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Blue Jay! I'm reviewing your work for
"I Write in 2020" 



Ah, the fabulous 24 syllable contest, which challenges the reviewer.
I liked the title and the cover art. Nicely done!

This is simply too sad because it's so true. Going to war, especially since WW2 is noted as bravery and dedication to country.

Peace is too quiet and subtle, though it's not sneaking around. No one is listening to the soft song, and so it goes unnoticed. Adding the word [rarely] worked because there are exceptions to the rule. Good job!

The punctuation guides the reader so we appreciate the author's fine work to complete this difficult task.

Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
335
335
Review of The Proposal  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Norman.
Nixie here, dropping off a review from "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP" 


First impression
At first glance, all I saw was perfection. Maybe the title was a little weak, but the brief description sounded so funny, I was hooked. Excellent job creating an effective hook.

Reading on
Second glance, I saw the length of the poem and puzzled over why so many stanzas were required. The idea of something unique sounded like an adventure. The presentation was aesthetically pleasing. The bold font brought bravado and confidence to the words. The font size itself pleased me. I didn't have to squint.

Diving in
Now I was ready to throw myself into the deep end. The first stanza was the set up, which trailed to the second, to the third sentence and last with an easy flow and compelling temptation to read more. The lack of punctuation also added to the pleasant rhythm.

The plot thickens
I admired the character for his strength and integrity. He wrote out the proposal long hand! I'm not sure that's possible for me, which is scary. The simple rhymes continued, leading the reader further and further to see how the scenario played out.

Then the huge mistake, and surely that meant the end of everything. My heart went out to the man. The description of what happened to the intended fiancee was easily pictured in my mind. I'll admit to laughing at her plight.

But she's a woman of fortitude and shows some pluck. I think the couple will have a wonderful and balanced marriage.

Turn me around
The twist toward the end was totally unexpected. It struck me as odd that the guy didn't bring a real ring. Maybe he was super smart and correctly worried the valuable ring might meet with disaster.

Personal connection.
When my son went down on one knee in a restaurant to propose, his intended kept saying 'what are you doing on the floor? stand up. you look ridiculous.' *Laugh*

Lasting impression
Top off the poem with (I won't mention the spoiler) and the I knew I was right. This couple belonged together for however long forever lasts.

~Nixie

Make every day simply positive!

Beautiful Woman Simply Positive Signature.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
336
336
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi, Trisho. Nixie here, bringing you a review through random review option. You have the honor of being one of the ingredients in the activity above. *Laugh*

What a powerful piece you've penned. You must have been an author before joining WdC because your work is impressive.

The title caught my eye, and most definitely, the image. In the title, you might want to de-capitalize the [To] What a funny way to express myself. It sounds like the idiotic phrase, 'time to 'deplane'. *Laugh*

Back to the emotional, difficult part that I'm avoiding.

The personal take and the gentle care of the child was touching. I almost had to stop reading this because it rings too true. And there are too many things I don't want to bring to mind again. It's frightening and, for me, it doesn't help. Okay, well, sometimes. But often after thinking about what happened to people like us the darkness rushes back in, and the battle ensues all over again. You express my feelings in this sentence.

Stop procrastinating, finish your memoir. I know that you are afraid to relive the trauma.

*Notebl* You don't need the word [that] in your sentence.

If you saw your little girl sitting in a dark corner, I saw mine pressed against the far wall of a dark cave. It takes strength and courage to confront what's happened to a person and try to rebuild the image.

Absolute excellence in writing to yourself with compassion. I've fallen out of practice, and returned to trying to guilt myself to do the right thing. Because that works so well. *RollEyes* You've reminded me of the attitude necessary to keep the doors shut. I like to think of cleaning out closets in my mind and then sweeping all the debris out. I've developed an army of coping skills.

Some of the spacing between sentences was off. Maybe you composed this using another writing platform, and in the copying process pieces fell out of place. It's not a big deal, but it's a shame not to have this work be perfect.

The word choices added impact to my impression of your work. This isn't something you dashed off without thought. (except I see no editing dates) If this came off the top of your head, you are going places with your abilities.

And that's where I'm ending this review because the ghosts are hovering. I will keep them out of my mind, and listen to your last line. "You got this." (Do you want a period after [this]?)

Parting comment. You can look here for information and perhaps make some new friends.
"Noticing Newbies" 

Leaving you in peace,
~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
337
337
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi, Kieran. Nixie here, dropping off a review for the item listed above. (You click the image and it will take you to the activity.)

From the top, I would capitalize all the first letters in the title. The brief description was cute and sounded compelling. It was clear from the beginning what would happen, but I went along for the ride.

Not to be negative, or discouraging, I won't make this review all about edits. If you read through this again, maybe even out loud, you'll see the errors with your own eyes. *Wink*

Here's one glaring example that can be easily corrected.
Scarlette but still [licked] to have fun.

**

The first sentence, your chance to grab a reader is a run-on and quite confusing. More spaces are required between the words because it's almost impossible to read. Most of the sentences are not written in proper form. I like phrases rather than full sentences sprinkled into a story, but not quite so many as I found here.

What was the vent in the middle of a wall? A heating duct? How could any person fit through that?

So, despite the struggle the plot, setting, and characters were not badly written. I've seen this scenario before, on TV. I probably would have introduced a firefighter to pull her out. *Laugh*

Excellent job for the conclusion. Scarlette had plans for that $50, but she changed her mind after the rescue. *Thumbsup*

~Nixie *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
338
338
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Ben. I'm reviewing this on behalf of the activity above.

I hesitated to review this because it's of a specific form that is unknown to me. In fact, all forms of poetry, outside the poem and the prose, are unknown to me. If you'll forgive me for not appreciating the form, I'd like to share a few thoughts with you as to content.

First off, Well-defined and creative title draws in the reader. Even if a person doesn't understand the sonnet form, I'll bet lots of people hone in on Twitter.

Needless to say, this piece grasped me and a connection was forged. I'm not on any social media platforms, due to what I've read about others. But the emphasis I'm going for is the reminder to look beyond the hate and sheer blankness of another's mind.

Being torn apart by words cannot be rendered whole again. If we pay attention to the haste and the roar, it's inevitable the negativity will worm its way into our subconscious. And if most people are focusing on the inane and salacious, the negativity compounds as one talks to another and so on.

Ben has found a solution. It involves slowing down, which is inconceivable to many in our culture. Why fall for the quick and easy when there is knowledge and compassion that matches up with a person? Pick between the lines, rake aside the leaves, brush off the dirt. Is there a nugget there you relate to?

Thanks for the read. Written in 2014, it still rings true in 2020. That's a sad statement on our culture. We have a president who tweets? Can American society decline to an even lower level?

I'm appreciative of the positive spin on this topic. I leave here with a smile on my face. *Smile*

~Nix out.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
339
339
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Oh, my. Is that brief description really true? It sounded unforgiving. I had questions. Angus is the king of horror. Why such an innocent title? The entire piece read dark and disturbing. The situation, purposely left vague, pulled my mind in too many directions.

I thought (as you intended) that it was Jim's time to die. But that didn't match up with the title of brief description. I'm an idiot. *Laugh*

What frightened me were the sentences with 'red voice' in them. I wondered if someone were bleeding from the mouth. Absolutely nothing made sense as the plot kept going. He was dead. He was tortured. Someone awful was with him in the room. Why were they shouting at him?

Great job connecting me to your character. All I wanted to know was if he would be okay. And, thinking of your King of Horror persona, it didn't seem as if the story would end well.

The twist got me!

To my credit, I never once yelled or shouted during the births of my three children. A fact I'm proud of, but, really, it's TMI. No choice but to say it, since I like to let authors know if I connected to their work on a personal level.

Coming across anything in the horror genre will always push me away. Somehow, I make my way through yours.

Excellent mixture of horror and light, totally unexpected.

~Nix out. *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
340
340
Review of War Of Depression  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi there. Nixie here.

I'm so sorry you have to fight this war, as expressed in the title. It is a battle within that sometimes nearly breaks. That's when it's time to get help.

This was a personal write and the words poured out of you in a stream of consciousness. Writing can be cathartic and when I reached the end of this work, your determination to overcome mitigated my concern. You're a strong person with a strong mind.

Comparing one's self to another doesn't help or lead to consolation. We all have differing degrees of coping.

What I want to say is, without dismissing what's happening to you, is that many people have these feelings. I'm happy you found a healthy outlet here at our WdC home.

I rarely make suggestions for a personal write, but this time ...if you have the energy to come back, adding some space between sentences would make a cleaner read. Right now, all the words are bunched together and that takes away some of the impact.

If you feel a break in your thoughts, maybe that's a good place to leave a few spaces between lines.

Your dark reflections were clearly expressed. And the bravado at the end was triumphant. Once again, I'll stick this comment in here. Sometimes we need outside professional help to overcome this type of mind set. Strength of mind may not be enough. Depression is an illness. Take it seriously.

If I sound a little preachy, it's because I know how it feels to battle with the mind. I could not have overcome my depression without help.

In my experiences, WdC is a safe place to express your feelings. *Smile* Keep writing.

~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
341
341
Review of The Interview  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Dave, Nixie here. You're the last ingredient in my appetizer menu for the activity above.

No, no way. That was the reaction I had at the end. No way should that be happening. Why did I think it was such a daring read? Still pondering that one.

Okay, so mediocre title, and a brief description that could be updated. However, since I often read stories beginning at the conclusion, I had all the info I needed to travel along with your adventure.

Excellent character development, particularly Jasper and his stogie. He definitely came across as you intended. A gnarly old guy with years of experience excited for a new juicy tidbit. He did make me think more of a newspaper reporter than director.

Excellent words choices enhanced the read. *Thumbsup*

Little tidbits along the way added some punch to the story itself. Some of the words were (intentionally?) lyrical and I spotted a sentence or two with alliteration, one of my favorite ways to write. Here's one example.

A sly smirk slowly spread..

Sometimes alliteration sounds like water skipping over a stone to me. High five for that combination.

One problem.Jasper had a smirk, and in the next sentence, Jason had a smirk. oops. Best not to use the same word in close proximity, but it could be argued that both men were snarky characters with similar personalities.

A clean break was indicated with some asterisks with no danger of disrupting the plot. Readers know there's a part 2 for this story, but I wonder how many guessed the twist? I didn't.

Great write!

~Nix out.







*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
342
342
Review of A Jump in Time  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Sophy. Nixie here. You will be pleased to learn that you are part of the appetizer for the activity above.

Hook
It may seem like a simple title, but it caught my attention. The brief description locked me in and I settled down for a good read.

I'm incredulous that you wrote such an awesome story with all those requirements for the contest. Did I read this was your first piece when you joined? Seems you were a writer before you ever landed here.

It looks like you only edited this once, and yet all I see is perfection. None of the prompts felt forced, which was amazing. My biggest concern was the flashlight, but you worked that one in too.

The parrot was hysterically funny, but also knowledgeable, as the foreboding intensified. The comments made me laugh, but Keith messed up my coolness while reviewing. I wanted to step in and smack him upside the head and tell him to pay attention. But then the parrot jumped on the bar top and sent me off into funny land once again.

This wasn't an uncomplicated plot, or an easy write. Let me take that back. For an author such as yourself, this may have been a breeze. It's hard to imagine a first write being a winner. But reviewers only have to read this story to understand your gift. Thanks for the entertainment.

~Nix out.





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
343
343
Review of The Big Race  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hey, Leger. Nixie here. Dropping by with a review for the activity above. You'll be happy to know you're on my appetizer menu. *Laugh*

Your descriptions of the characters had me laughing as I pictured them in my mind. Excellent descriptors. My favorite was the crack about 'chicken legs'. Oh, and also the guy who added lint from his pocket to the ante.

Why there were only three in this race puzzled me, but it worked like a charm for "The Writer's Cramp" . I'm learning, as I'm reviewing, a simple plot and only a few characters is a good recipe for writing limiting contests.

I would probably be the guy (woman) with the shot-out knees, but never would I show my pain. What a boring story that would be. It reminds me of an ice-skating experiencing. I fell while performing a jump and caught myself with one arm. The pain exploded, but since I'm not one to make a scene, I finished the lesson without a peep. I had broken my arm.

It's fun to read stories that make me laugh. And I enjoy stories that stir up memories of my own. I'd forgotten all about that falling mishap.

Oh, why does there have to be a suggestion?
The first and second line both use the combination of [he stood]. No big deal, especially when writing a story for a fast turnaround.

Thanks for the read. Hope you didn't mind being part of the appetizer.

~Nix out.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
344
344
Review of June Newsletter  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi BBW. Nixie, here, dropping off a review via random review.

I'm thrilled this Newsletter of yours popped up. I've seen your MB around, but never knew what it meant. Even though you were working under less than nominal circumstances, you pulled this off successfully. The NL was informative, friendly and inviting. I can't say this is a genre that would be of interest to me, though. It must take a specific personality to relate on this level, much like my preferred genre is sci-fi.

You included examples and an outside link to aid understanding.*Checkg* I use dictionaries, a thesaurus, wiki and just a general google search to track down information. Good idea to mention that here. I'd never given much thought to how accurate wiki was.

What I liked most were your comments under the Friends section. I had a Twiga when I first joined. Without her, my novelette would never have been completed. And, of all the wonderful things my Twiga helped me with, that novelette won three quills. My shining accomplishment. Sadly, she's no longer a member. She was a person who always understood what I was trying to communicate, even when I wasn't sure myself.

Now I have precious friends who belong to the same group as I do. Without them, well, WdC would not be the same. I have to thank you for giving me this opportunity to 'say my piece' as it were. I may never be an anthro fan, but special friends are a gift.

Not a bad NL considering. *Wink* They are not easy to write.



~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
345
345
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Rojodi. Nixie here. Stopping by with a review via random review.

Right off the bat, you've got this story going. I found the concept most interesting, as I like to play with alternate universes and missing items. *Wink*

I couldn't help but notice this is hasn't been edited since 2018, which is sad. But I have stories marked private I intend to continue, but it never happens. Maybe this is all you set out to do and you're continuing with your work.

The 'removing her clothing' threw me for a loop, taken out of context, perhaps? Why does Campion and his associates require that? If this outline is revision #3 is this the time to add in some more details?

The mention of a character who uses his empathy gift to change minds had me confused. I thought you were referring to Empaths. But I googled empath, and found it was primarily used in sci-fi. Wonderful! I learned something new today.

I scanned all the notes until I reached the ending. Even without knowing the full story I felt vindicated and happy. The acronym NSFW sounded fascinating. I wonder what it stands for?

All in all, this is most likely a story I would enjoy, if you ever pick it up again.

~Nixie *Smile*





~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
346
346
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Max, every time I stumble over your portfolio (random review was the vehicle this time) excellence in all aspects of writing jump from the page.
You have an impressive and subtle way to work facts into your story, with rich detail.

All the scenes were easily imagined. And dang that awful company. Good for Jeff, paying attention to his moral compass.

The characters were no exception. I liked reading about Corbett the best. Your writing voice is wonderful, and Jeff's thoughts were clever and humorous. This chapter kept my attention from beginning to end. I'm not sure Jeff's new position will be safe, however. What a tantalizing conclusion to this chapter. Jeff's a good person, but he's desperate. That's a bad combination. The man has no choice but to take up the offer.

Have you written any more chapters? You could post the link at the bottom so readers can keep on going without returning to your portfolio to look. Just saying.

Along with Corbett's description, which gave me the shivers, she's evil in and out. I picked this sentence out as I was reading.

Uh Oh. This sounded ominous.
"Have you liked working here, Mr. Clement?"

Lapse of attention
He glanced back Hightower

*Down*

I appreciate it, but I don't need a pllace right now.

Thanks for the read, and please let me know if there are more chapters. Right now, I'm on a mission to complete the appetizer at "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party" 

Write on, you masterful word smith. You know this is a five star story, right?*Wink*

~Nix out.


Image #2110550 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
347
347
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Melisscious. Nixie here.

What a harrowing story. My anxiety level mounted with every word as I tried to make sense of what happened after the crash. Learning about what you endured, and all alone by yourself, had my heart thumping. But what was revealed in the end? Exactly how and where the car landed added a whole new level of tension. I can't imagine being alone in the dark, with no awareness or sense of what happened.

Point of interest > I never thought about what was actually in air bags.

I have one suggestion. Let the story begin when the action begins. As the autobiography unfolds, your reader will learn everything they need to know. Or maybe write 'introduction' at the top where you begin. This is your story, tell it your way, whatever works best for you. For me, it was a hard transition from trying to discern how those facts would fit into the work, and then having to dive into the action.

One difficulty when writing first POV is learning how not to start most sentences with "I". It's not easy, at least not for me. Secondly, full caps are not something people see in written works. It's possible to show how scared you were, rather than putting that word in caps. I don't think you need that sentence at all. Your fear is tangible.

I'm still asking myself how the beginning will come into play. It sounds unjust, but wise. Please keep writing and sharing your autobiography. Many questions hang, and that's a good thing. If you write another 'chapter' be sure to link it at the bottom so the reader can easily transition from one part to the next. (Use a bitem, or item link) If you haven't learned yet, email me and I can show you. *Smile*



Image #1890361 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
348
348
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Amolika. Nixie here.

The title of this story caught my eye, so good job there. In the brief description, author's write a clip to give the reader a clue as to the content. (We know your name from your work.) *Wink*

What a powerful write. I don't know your character's name, but her journey held my attention from beginning to end. Excellent job showing her vanity, which I sided with. The tone told me the story was moving towards disaster, but I liked reading about her beautiful hair and how it was like her mother's. I'd probably feel the same way.

But through your character's actions, a lesson is learned. And it's a great one. Our power, our strength, our belief in ourselves comes from within. Whatever is external is only that. Appearances.

People tend to judge from the outside, the cover of the book, as it were. And sometimes, that's what people internalize.

You've created a strong character and a compelling plot. It was easy to sympathize with the girl's woes. Especially for a girl entering high school with such negativity attached to her. I liked the tension that slowly built as she waited for test results. I know too much about that!

But your girl's a heroine and found her way to what really matters in life. I was only sad the circumstances were so tragic. I bet her hair grows back in now, too.

My favorite line:
each day tasted like a new level of anxiety.

Thanks for sharing your work with the community. We're all like family here, and I hope you'll also find WdC to be your second home. *Bigsmile* Keep writing!


Image #1890361 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
349
349
Review of Words do hurt  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi, Miss Rena. Nixie here.

What a powerful piece you've written. I can feel the pain behind the words. I've heard people say awful things about me, or I've accepted treatment less than I deserved from another person. I wonder why humans inflict so much pain on each other? It takes more energy to hate or be mean rather than spreading positivity.

A few thoughts. Make sure to capitalize 'I' in sentences.
Hearing them replay as i fall asleep

Oops, lapse of attention *Wink*
Sticks and stones break our bones but words [cant] ever hurt me?
[can't]

Consider sorting this out for an easier read by creating stanzas. Your words will stand out more and each will be experienced fully.

All the rhymes worked well. Nothing felt forced. Although painful to read, the flow was smooth. Toward the end, I felt tension building, or the emotions ready to spill over, as if all the lines before were shooting toward a crescendo. Which they did!

There's one place I have to disagree. You do not want those words in your head. They don't belong to you. Lock his thoughts in a box and launch it into space. Keep those words imprisoned somewhere. Whatever visualization works for you. Don't let him take your power away.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us today. *Smile*



Image #1890361 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
350
350
Review of in the dark  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Shawn,

From what I can understand from this 'short story', you're writing your heart out to help you overcome a great sadness. I think you had a girls's best interest in mind. It's normal for people to want to help someone who is sad. Or are you saying you're drawn to a person who lights up your dark life?

Everyone experiences something like this in their lifetime. One may want another so desperately, they are blinded and cannot see what's really happening. Eventually, one learns they cannot make another person feel anything. We have power over our reactions, but that's it.

Interesting, I was just speaking with another member about how people interact.

A great idea to help the reader understand would be to clean this up a bit. I'm guessing you put thoughts in your head to words on 'paper', which is fine. But you're offering your work for public consumption. We should always write the best we can. And I believe you're capable.

A few tips. Use punctuation, put spaces between words, try to avoid repetition. Can you put a paragraph or two in? Right now, the reader is looking at a block of text.

Is this really a short story? I'm sorry if I read this as a personal outcry if you meant it to be fiction. Either way, the same suggestions apply. If it's not a short story, you can change the category to 'personal' 'non-fiction' or what feels right to you.

Please keep writing, either personal entries, poems, short stories, whatever you want. The more you write, the better your work becomes. It's one way writer's learn. It also helps to review others' work. *Wink*

I'm sorry for such sorrow, but it's good to release your feelings by writing. Just around the corner a bright light is shining.

Image #1890361 over display limit. -?-




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1,297 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 52 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/nixie9/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/14