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3,273 Public Reviews Given
3,312 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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276
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!

Hi Redtowrite. Nixie, here. Welcome to the party.


I'm returning the favor. Review for review.

That title is an attention grabber. It speaks of the living and the dead. They seem like roses as they fade. The thorns pierce us once they're gone. We bleed, but go on.

This is a little difficult for me to review, due to similar circumstances with family members, not as a nurse, though. I'm a cancer survivor. My doctor caught the Ovarian Cancer while still held in both ovaries. I didn't need chemo. I'm not sure I would choose chemo. Yes, it prolongs life, but the treatment is sometimes more for the ones living who don't want to be left behind. Chemo is torturous.

In Pam's situation, she had a lot to live for. Battling cancer and chemo makes sense with so much to lose. Rather then focus on the illness, I'm switching to the relationship that developed in your words.

This reads so much like non-fiction, and the cover art looks like a photo. Yet, it's not marked non-fiction, leaving me with a puzzle. There were so many tender moments, the one I most cherished was the scene of the nurse helping Pam bring the tea cup back to the table in the nurse's lounge.

Lovely alliteration.
I watched a tired tear travel over her cheek

The words following this sentence confused me.
I had to strain to hear what she was saying.

I think letting the reader know Pam was a young woman with children would make more sense as the read progressed. I wasn't sure who was saying what about whom. It's your story, so this is clear in your mind. I can't see your dream world.

Another confusing paragraph following continuing from this sentence.
It was a year ago when I first met her. They were flying

Who is [they]? At times the POV seems to shift. A bit of reordering, or simplifying without so many details might bring the tragedy closer to the reader. What's important in this piece is the relationship between hospital staff and patient. Trying to fit all the pieces in one story confuses. I've done it more than once.

The most endearing sentence *Heart* A clear and tender visual. Precious as porcelain.

Her head was framed by tufts of blonde hair.

I'm not sad saying goodbye to the story and author. I felt part of the scene, more as an observer to the action rather than immersed in the plot. I would want someone to tell me if that were the case. My joy, and as expressed in your bio, is to touch the reader in some way. I bet you can pare this down to the horrible beauty that's transpiring here.


Nixie

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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277
277
Review of Interpretation  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Hi trailerpark!
Welcome to the party! I'm preparing an Easy Indian yellow fish curry

Before I delve in to your flash, I have to point out one error. In the beginning, she's seeing a therapist. On TV, it's a psychiatrist being arrested. A therapist can't prescribe meds, they're not M.D.s If you change the opening line to psychiatrist, you'll be good to go. I would mention the psych's name in the beginning.

What was Emily being treated for? Any M.D. can prescribe sleep meds, if there's no underlying, chronic disorder.

I thought the reason he was arrested was a little bizarre. Nothing indicated he had a motive to do so. I really did see a psychiatrist being arrested on TV. He was accused of taking advantage of a multi-person patient. He lost his license, and it was all a sham. She'd pulled the same trick before.

Since the psych 'skimmed' over her body during her visit, the real life scenario above, shameful as it was, fits better. That's why I mentioned it.

And another question. What about that bizarre situation made Emily decide she wanted to be a psychiatrist? She isn't interested in breaking and entering, is she?

I did figure out one important clue. She'd been dreaming about her psych.

I feel lost here, and I'm sorry. Flash is incredibly difficult to write, trying to get in enough details without going over the 300 w/c limitation.

Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann





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278
278
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Hi, Kieran. Nixie, here. Welcome to WdC! *Balloonr*

Welcome to the party! I'm preparing an entree. Lebanese - Spiced Almond Fish with Fattoush. The party is a fun challenge for members who want to review others. You're lucky enough to be an ingredient in my dinner. *Laugh*

You have the beginnings of a precious story here. The set-up of how the two women met was hilarious. Excellent job showing what was happening. A duck was floating away with the bag? *Laugh* And both ended up in the pond. What a lively story that was a fun read.

Take care in varying your sentence structures. Since we already know the girls' names, you don't have to start so many sentences with 'the young brunette'. Scan your eyes down the page, and you'll see what I'm referencing. Then, make sure you don't start all your sentences with their names. *Wink*

We learn as we write, so don't stop. I can tell already you have a good writer's voice and clever ideas in your head. Share them with the community. We take good care of our 'newbies'.

Ask questions, poke around, have fun. Questions? Any member would be happy to assist.

I just took a peek to see if you filled out your bio.

You've traveled here from Scotland? Wow. And you're already writing. I'm impressed.
So English is not your first language? How long have you been studying. Now I understand where you're writing is coming from.

Here's a forum to visit, if you want to.

"Noticing Newbies" 

*Bigsmile*

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#1300305 by Maryann





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279
279
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)


Hi NorahMae. Stopping by again.

This is the second time I've visited your portfolio. Today, I'm preparing a Lebanese Entree- Spiced Almond Fish with Fattoush

Wow, you definitely know how to express your feelings. Each stanza varies, showing different levels of reasons for concern. It's an awful feeling when a person thinks something has changed, but it's just a feeling, and they fall on us like rain. It's what we do with those feelings that determines an outcome.


Normally, I like to see poems balanced. Lines around the same length, stanzas the same. This poem appealed to me because it seems wild, like your desperation. And each stanza had one super-long line at the end. The specific pattern you were trying to achieve worked. *Smile*

The first moment when I came undone was reading the title. The emotion is so familiar to me (for different reasons) I don't want anyone else to feel this way. That's a lot of feelings. Your poetry is tragic, but easy to follow and understand. The endless questions plaguing you can only be resolved in one way. And, in the last stanza, the realization you knew from the beginning was finalized. All you need is the courage to ask. It's kind of like letting (and this is a much lower level of anxiety, but does demonstrate my point) tasks, rather than emotions pile up until one is overwhelmed. The person is aware the only release comes from conquering those tasks, but is wont to do them.

You have written about this so much; I checked your portfolio, it's time to let it go, one way or another. Why don't you fill out your bio so we know a bit about you?

Keep writing those poems, and one surely will bring an outcome. You'll only have to deal with whatever happens. Your hope, or your fear. Hang tight.

~Nixie *Heartv*

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#1300305 by Maryann





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280
280
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)


Hi Seuzz

Welcome to the party! I'm preparing a Japanese Appetizer - Tuna and Sesame Rice Balls


Random reviewing dropped me here, which worked perfectly for me today. I enslaved your words to double-check the components of the short story I'm trying to write. I was able to answer all the questions affirmatively. My plot is a bit more complicated, which is my downfall. We really need two types of conflicts. The protagonist's inner turmoil and an external conflict.

The who wants what and why keeps changing as the story progresses. They way they intend to get it varies, but the simplest way, is what the protagonist fears. Killing him. Both parties are thwarted. The assassin keeps his prey safe while shifting circumstances keep changing the outcome. What quashes the plan? [quashes-good word]
The assassin changes his mind, thwarting everyone's plan, answering only to himself. Too bad he thought he was in love with his target. *Pthb* In 2000 words or less.

Scenes of reaction
The rival companies end up taking each other out. No recourse. They were always sort of a non-issue. The spy is the character with the twist, and he just moves on to his next assignment. To achieve the goal? He enlists a dark-op friend who's supposed to work for the president, but sometimes works off book.

To achieve their goal takes a lot of money, and the spy demands and receives 10 Mil.
Achievement would be a sequel. First thing would be meeting up with friend and devising a plan. Upon accomplishment, our spy can retire.

Thanks to all these questions, I think the plot is nailed down. I'm a little weak on AIDA though. I reach more of an nullity, though not term specific. The story is resting right now. I can refer back to your article when I make the next edit. Unless the last one is done!

I appreciate what you've written here, and again, thanks for the help!


Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann





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281
281
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hi Dawn.
Welcome to the party! I'm preparing a dessert from England: Banoffee Pie.

No way. That's what I said when I read the last line. Most times, I read the last line of a poem or short story first. It clues me in as to whether I'll like the topic or the author's voice.

*Snow4*
 Can I just cry? I feel like some kind of crazy person, trying to explain to no one who listens why time doesn't exist. Everyone thinks I'm nuts. The thing is, in the present moment, we're already in the past. We have another thought and we're in the future. What I've taken as my own philosophy, is that space is moving, not us. Theoretical physics, although I think space moving has been proved. I missed my calling. If only this mind belonging to me now, had heard the other mind talking to me years and years ago. I would have studied in that field.

Sorry for the aside, but your work brought all of that out of me. As I read, my eyes actually picked up the pattern of the words, an astounding accomplishment for me.

I'm exhausted from frustration that many cling to Einstein, when we really don't understand anything. And why did the world choose Einstein over Carl Jung? Jung understood on an esoteric level that spoke to me. I've read most of his published work. What if we're wrong about the concept of gravity? Oh, I have to stop now, since I'm reviewing, not pontificating.

Wonderful job writing this. In the end, I'm hoping the message was clear to me. I'd be mortified if the point was opposite the argument I proposed, as if in agreement with what I read.

Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann





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282
282
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hi Snow *Smile*
Please join the party! I'm preparing a dessert from England: Banoffee Pie


*Snow2*
 I've decided the only way I'll learn to write poetry (fingers crossed) is by reading it. Usually, the different forms escape me, or the verses are obtuse and confound me. It's a pleasure to pop over via random review and find a treasure like yours.

*Snow3*
The explanation of a Harrisham rhyme actually made sense, though I wondered about the challenge. And I didn't read the explanation until after I'd read the poem. I easily related, most likely due to the 'grey hair' reference. The joys of aging. The other day I learned eyelashes turn grey and fall out. Eyelashes, what an indignity.

*Snow3*
The solemn mood of this poem took me for a sweet ride through the words. I paused for a while and thought about that last line. What a unique way of expressing a feeling I didn't know was inside me.

*Sun*
In the Desiderata, one of the verses goes like this:
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth

I think of that most every day, but I still am not inclined to surrender. Not to sound vain, but I appear much younger than I am. The years ahead as that boon fades, I'll be sad.

*Snow4*
Excellent job with the concise wording (a skill I'll probably never acquire) and following the structure of the poem. I enjoyed the poem for what it was, forming into it into a mold made it that much more impressive. Thanks for the read. *Smile*

Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann





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283
283
Review of Never Look Up  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Hi Paul. Nixie, here.

Please join the party! I'm preparing a dessert from England: Banoffee Pie

I landed here by clicking through several items, using random review. I stopped when I found yours. Why? The open spacing appealed to me. It's much easier to read, and the story itself flows better. It 'feels' as if something momentous is building.

The title was catchy, the brief description works. It's all good, until the big uh-oh. We have two guys walking (excellent catchy first sentence!) and it sounds mysterious and exciting. But nothing happens.

*Person*
They walk down the street, talking about what will probably be a chancy robbery, with conflict and trouble. It would be more fun to read about that. Dialogue can be sprinkled in along the way. You have a way writing dialogue, that's a strong technique when writing fiction. There's a slight conflict, maybe? The chance they'll be caught? Or is the whole point of the story demonstrating why they can't be seen. It's funny and quirky if that's what you were going for. A bit disappointing.

*Checkg*
I liked the part where they discuss chaos theory. That's more or less part of my overall life theme.

*Idea*
So maybe it boils down to my perception. If you're happy with what you've accomplished. then you're good to go. *Bigsmile*

Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann









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284
284
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)


Hi Maryann!
Please join the party! I'm preparing a dessert from China -Dragon Beard Candy.

Oh, Maryann. What to do with you? I can't review poems. I know that's want you want from reviewers. But you're stuck with me.

I understand why you had to emphasize fiction and pick an era where you couldn't possibly have lived. The story is so personalized, it reads like this is really your mom. Cute little emoticon clocks at the top, too. Precious.

Of course, the picture tells the truth. I just wanted you to know how Powerful *Laugh* your writing is.

When the daughter is talking about how normal her mom is at home, while others are blown away by her celebrity status, I remembered something I heard a while ago. Whatever year it was, Harrison Ford was chosen as America's most sexy guy. His wife's comment? Paraphrased: Really? He's just the guy who takes out the trash at home.

I smiled at the reference to Chanel. My mom always wore Chanel #5. It was her. I never told her how much I hated it. It smelled like old women. *Laugh*

Excellent job showing the technology (or lack thereof) in the 20's. It maked perfect sense that people wanted to copy a celebrity. I'm thinking of Jackie Kennedy at the moment and her pill-box hats. Those Kennedy's were royals to Americans.

When her mom was tied to the railroad tracks, I remembered that song from when I was a kid. The phrase that sticks is he tied her to railroad tracks/and then along came Jones. We sang that all the time.

And then the complete switch in the last paragraph took me completely by surprise, same as the daughter. Great job showing two sides of a character in one story. Thanks for the read, Maryann. *Heartv*

Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann





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285
285
Review of A Study in Grey  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)


He Madeleine. Welcome to WdC

Please join the party! I'm preparing a dessert from China -Dragon Beard Candy.

If you were going for dark and gruesome, you achieved it. For a genre, you might want to choose dark/horror, because the genre crime is also gangster. We must have different definitions of prose, because this reads like a short story.

It's also a good idea, though not necessary, to put a link to the contest you entered at the bottom of the story. Be sure the rules don't require a posted word count after the story. It's possible any item could be disqualified for that reason. Some hosts are more lenient than others. Best to follow the rules right from the beginning so it becomes a habit. *Wink*

Creepy cover art and the title sends the reader a message. Beware. And if there's any uncertainty, the brief description is excellent as an introduction to the story. Why does she only see in grey? A metaphor for not seeing black and white? A metaphor for her world is bleak?

Just to let you know, I might have passed this by because there's no spacing or paragraphing. All the words are jumbled together in a block of text. Readers like to see 'white space' (paragraphing) because many are impatient and white space makes the story appear easier to read. And it does. *Wink*

You have it all down. Sturdy plot, creepy narrator, motive, opportunity, conflict (inner) and the external conflict (getting caught).

The mom was my favorite character, even dead, because of all the diets Ruby mentioned when she was moving the body. Great visual showing her trying to lug the dad over to the van.

The setting moved from the brief description of the house (just enough to show the reader, but not too much to bog it down). Nice going changing the setting as the plot progressed. I did wonder if you meant to say smooth leather (couch) in the first sentence. Or do you want the reader to deduce the meaning? I was trying to think of what else was leather, other than furniture, so maybe defining it wasn't necessary. Just saying.

Remember to use actions, not exclamation marks of full caps to show emotion. The two instances of "NO!" would be fine as "No!"

I can't put my finger on what made the conclusion less dramatic than I expected. It could be the exclamation marks that distracted. Action definitely would have a greater impact. I'll leave that up to you, as it should be. But trust me on the punctuation. *Wink*

I enjoyed the write,though I usually skip over stories like this. There's enough dark in the world. Rather than pushing the gruesome, you left it simple and short. Maybe that's why I read it. Keep writing!

You might want to stop here and meet other new members.

"Noticing Newbies" 

Nixie

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#1300305 by Maryann







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286
286
Review of My Old House  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi! I found your story using the read and review option. Welcome to WdC!

Overall Impression
Wow! What a fantastic story! The concept of time travel is widely explored, but I liked the way you wrote it. Not just a single person chancing a blunder, but entire buildings moved into the future.

Diving in
Here's the problem. Isn't there always a problem? *Laugh* The story desperately needs paragraphing. Every time the dialogue switches to a new character, start a new paragraph. It sounds like some great dialogue is going on, but I can't separate who is saying what and when. Lots of ellipsis in here, a bit overdone, but that's okay. As long as you start a new paragraph.

The 'Prof comes in without introduction. How do the characters, who have never met him, know him as the Prof?

Also, you're using an abundance of [ly] words, which generally means the verb is weak and has to be propped up. Also, adverbs do not work as dialogue tags. I don't re-write an author's words, but here's an example, in your first sentence of adverbs propping up weak verbs.
They go inside quickly and shut the door quietly.
Consider: They dart inside and ease the door closed.
That's less words and a stronger image is created. More direct.

Authors show emotions with actions, not punctuation.
Thirty something??"
Can someone be scratching their head, or looking at the ceiling for answers? What would a person look like while pondering this question?

This is one example of using an adverb as a dialogue tab.
Sorry, we'll let you get on." Ann shyly adds.
What would Ann look like if she were shy? Peeking out from behind someone? Whispering? Would she be astonished by speaking out of turn and blushing?

A whole lot of confusion would vanish if the reader could simply tell who is talking by paragraphing. That would be step one, for a suggestion. I 'see' how you're trying to explain traveling into the future, but it's too spaced out and confusing.

Closing comments
I am not trying to tear your story apart. That would be a waste. Especially when the reader finds out who Ann is. Stroke of genius. I wonder if she's supposed to forget when she takes them back to 2020.

I hope you consider working on this story again. It's wonderful, if only it were edited. That's the necessary, but not fun part. *Facepalm*



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287
287
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Rhyssa. Nixie here,
dropping off a review from
A beautiful Simply Positive Reviewing Signature


*Fire*
I read this first without paying attention to the title and brief description. That means I jumped in the deep end and read through swiftly. Of course, I went back and took my time. But at first read, I thought you were talking about a romantic situation, partly because I read something into it that wasn't there and partly because of the first 5 lines sounded like a romantic relationship. Weird anticipating something, on my part. I guess it could be argued, for the fun of it, that the author and the publisher have a relationship, and the publisher has the power to clobber the writer, anonymously, as it were.

*Fire*
Each stanza, beginning with the title was extremely effective in establishing fluidity and continuity. I would have like that last stanzas broken up to match the lines of the first three. (maybe after 'toe peeping out') and maybe again after (tactical baton). It's not my place to say, because I'm not the author, and I'd have to play around with the order to find what 'felt' right.

*Fire*
In some lines, there's hope and strength, followed by the cold reasoning that the result is not in the author's control. Chocolate helps everything, with its natural boost of Serotonin.

A reader can't help but notice all the words in green font. If you managed to compose this with all those as prompt words, well, I'm knocked right off my chair.

*Fire*
If I read this correctly, the author is staying up all night with the alarm clock sending him off to sleep rather than waking him. I've read it 4 times, so if I'm wrong, please accept apologies.

The metaphors are beautiful and vivid. Especially 'castles out of nothing'. And the teddy bear is armed to keep the rejection notes from hurting. Clever.

2014 seems like yesterday, but I'm guessing a whole lot has changed since then. Bravo for having the courage to submit to editors. I have trouble submitting my work for contests. *Facepalm*

~Nixie











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288
288
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
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Hi Nikola!
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. I'm preparing a dessert from France- Creme Brulee.

It's sad to see a piece like this not reviewed. It could be due to the shortness of it. What can a reviewer say about so few words? I know the answer. And that's my emotional reaction. I fervently wish what is expressed here were not true. I had to protect myself long ago, because I draw all the wrong guys. It's the typical. See the good in all and then once the bad is revealed, I'm stuck. Why? So the other person's feelings don't get hurt. It amazes me what I've put up with. That's why I shut everything down.

When I read your work, I thought how sad misfortune has brought on this disastrous lifelong grave. I understand these are not necessarily your personal feelings, but the words create such an impact, it's hard to imagine them otherwise. Or at least fictionalized from experience.

I liked both the structure of the poem and the colored font. The lines seem to get closer and closer as if drawing in the soul, but that's more a perception than an actual presentation. But the longest line of all in the final stanza indicated the tremendous conclusion. So tragic, so true. Why must we hide ourselves away?

~Nixie

*Noteb* It's time to change your handle. 2020 is here. *Laugh*


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289
289
Review of Hide and See  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi normajean.
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. I'm preparing a French Creme Brulee.


*BareTree3* By Hook or by Crook
I didn't realize how much of a 'pick me up' I needed until I read this piece. First the perplexing title, which the mind might fill in, unintentionally, Hide and Seek. the brief description draws attention back to the title, and you've capture your reader.

Competition pieces are incredibly difficult to write. After reading this one, and noticing it was never edited, I expect it flowed from your mind as surely as it reads here. What a treat when that happens. For myself, my writing is better under pressure. I'm working on a piece due at the end of this month and it's been edited at least eleven times. No kidding. Granted, I'm writing in a genre never tried before. I'm not entering to win, the point for me is the practice. But the endless re-thinks requiring rewrites, is exhausting. I won't give up, though.

*BareTree3* Following George and Mark
Spicy first sentence is the second draw. The conflict begins immediately, which is the most important part when writing with a word count. It's a simple enough plot, a concept that always evades me, but, wow, it's extremely clever. So many excellent plays on words. I especially liked how you tagged 'as they say' after the cliche about the pig. *Thumbsup*

*BareTree3* Characters
Both characters were believable and opposite, which created the conflict. I'd be furious with George, but Mark must be a good friend, and seems to take it in stride. The entire part about the super glue had me laughing, which I don't, by the way.

Top it off with the twist, and wa-la! *Star*

*BareTree3* A big bloop. *Sad*
Only one big error. Writers don't show emotions in full caps or excessive punctuation. We use our skills to demonstrate emotional reactions by having the character respond to the problem. (You're certain to see which section I'm referring to, as it sticks out like a fire hydrant in the middle of a green field.)

Please, either return to edit that part, or take the knowledge forward to the next story. It broke my heart to see such a fantastic story thrown off balance with full caps and multiple exclamation marks.

There's a few places where the words bump up against each other, incorrect spacing. My suggestion is the same as before. Continue on and remember not to let that happen.

*BareTree3* Off I go!
Thank you so much for writing this. Random review surely treasured me today to bring me to this fantastic story. Keep writing, okay?

~Nixie



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Review of Download This!  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Jeff
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. I'm preparing France - Creme Brulee.

What a complete stroke of luck to land here via random review. It's not easy to find Sr. Mods for Brooke's activity.

I've never liked punctuation in titles, before seeing yours. Since you can't italicize a word, an exclamation mark seems to be the only option. And without that mark, the meaning would be diluted.

So, here come the tiny Borg, about to assimilate earth. *Laugh* I've
always dreamed of humans evolving to telepathy, but never any thoughts taken against one's will. We'd have to learn how to build walls in our minds. Wait, everyone already has walls constructed. That's what makes speech so subjective. It would be nice if humans evolved in some way. All I've read so far is people, in their own homes, adapting cybernetics for their own bodies. Really weird.

Tony's one smart guy. What fascinates some humans disgusts me. I don't understand what the attraction is to abusive tv series like the CSI Special Victims. Is that the name? I can't imagine what an alien species would make of our predilection for violent virtual games. Again, not all of us. But Tony must have had a few disgusting images in mind. Or maybe they were acceptable to humans, but not these aliens.

"Just plain wrong" was my favorite phrase. Maybe because I tend to say it. Anyhow, crisis averted. What an awful twist for an advanced concept. Words as warfare.

As always, I enjoyed stopping by your port and absorbing a bit of your outstanding writing. *Smile*

~Nixie



~Nixie


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Review of Unfilled Time  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Angelica. Nixie here. I found your story via random reviewing.

*Vignette2*
From the top
Excellent title! The theme could have been expressed in many different ways, but I can't think of one more elegant than yours. *Smile* The brief description clues in the reader, which is a good thing, since the contest was so severely word-limited.

*Vignette2*
Emotions evoked
I'm trying hard to relate to this, but it's not an easy task, for the reason written above. I understand the content, for the parents it's a short walk, but the second line has a double-meaning. It can be referred to as time, or the length of stride. I needed to walk four steps to keep up with my dad's one. Now I'm wondering why he never slowed down for me.

*Vignette2*
suggestions/Thoughts
Apologies, I'm unclear as to the meaning of five. Was the child accompanying the parents and bringing her stuffed toys? In the beginning, it sounds like the parents are leaving her behind. So how did the toys fall?

*Vignette2*
Wrapping it up
"Then they came back." is a conclusive line which makes me think the parents really did leave the child alone for a bit. So then I'm back to sussing out the meaning of the teddy bears falling. *Laugh*

I clicked on the contest link you posted. What a shame it's no longer running. The challenge looked like fun.

I'm not really sure why this was rated so low before. You had a lot to overcome, and only so much can be expected. Seriously, I think you did a good job, other than confusing me. *Laugh*


Damiana Matrix SPR

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#1300305 by Maryann





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292
292
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Holly! Welcome to WdC. *Smile*


Overall Impression
Beginning at the end, I found the conclusion pretentious and snobby. Lucky for me I read it again, and realized it was fictionalized. The narrator still didn't feel like a person I'd like to meet, but that was only at the conclusion.

Thoughts/Feelings
What was fun for me? The delight of seeing German here. Ich spreche nur ein bißchen.' or, Ich spreche nur ein wenig deutsch. Yes, I could understand the German written here. It's also how I know the sentence in the beginning should be "ich liebe dich", not [du.] Maybe you'll want to go through and correct the rest. *Wink*

It was fun to read about the cultural history and the interweaving of languages. "ich vermisse ihn auch." was my favorite moment. It was so intimate, her whispering into her mom's ear that she also missed her father.

For readers who don't speak multi-languages, perhaps a translation at the end would make the work more reader friendly. Some of the French I can guess at, but that's all. So many people in America speak Spanish now, I really need to learn.

Lasting Impression
So, honestly, I didn't like the narrator at all, due to the conclusion and the pretentiousness. I did like her rich cultural experiences, though.

Think about adding in translations. *Wink*

Here's a place you may want to check out.
"Noticing Newbies" 


Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
GROUP
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Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann


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293
293
Review of rain  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi day-na.
Nixie here. Dropping off a review for the activity depicted below. I'm making a dessert France - Creme Brulee

Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


First off, welcome to WdC! We're happy to see new members.

For this flash of inspiration regarding human perception, I wonder if it can be taken a bit further. The concept is thought-provoking, and I understand, as one of your first pieces, you most likely dashed this off before the words slipped from your mind. That happens to me almost every day. *Pthb*

The topic of rain is unusual, and your short comments provoked a strong reaction, unexpected from only a few words. I thought of my mom and how she feels cozy and protected when it rains. I like the sound. And if there's a storm, all those negative ions in the air lift one's spirits.

I'd be amiss not to point out a few areas that need editing. Remember to always capitalize [I] in a sentence.

If you're directly quoting someone, the person's name needs acknowledgement. I googled the quote and Bob Marley appears to be the author. His name should appear, either in the body of the work,
[I've always liked the quote by Bob Marley...
or at the end.

Your feelings are stated in the beginning, introducing the mood, reflective and relaxing. I understand this is a personal reaction, but what if you could give the reader more? Describe a specific rain-experience. My mom liked the rain best when she was driving. (She's in her 90's, the past tense reflects her at a younger age, not as a deceased person.)

Here goes my mind into overdrive. Great job putting words to virtual paper. I think you have the basics for a short story in your words, should you be so inclined. Just sayin'. *Wink*

Most importantly, never stop writing. I'm on my 10th edit of what should have been an uncomplicated plot, but the story keeps taking me in other directions. A huge part of writing involves editing. You should have seen the first draft. *Facepalm*

Hey, you can always stop here to meet some new members.
"Noticing Newbies" 


All the best,
~Nixie




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Review of I Want to Write  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi G.B. Nixie here, landing in your port via random review.

Every writer starts somewhere, and writing about the inability to write *Laugh* often triggers inspiration. Writers also have to read, and a published author's words can arouse a writer's sleeping talents. I've also heard that writers have to get all their 'crummy' writing out before the accomplished writing comes.

Sitting back and brooding leads nowhere, as you mention here. Forcing words from mind to virtual paper derails inaction. Prompt words often help. We have plenty contests to enter. your work will be seen, and you'll receive feedback that hopefully assists.

The first stanza is your hook to draw in a reader. In this work, it's a little choppy. I understand what you're saying, but maybe some tweaking, rearranging of words might help. I'm reading two feelings in one stanza. You want to write, but almost unrelated, the subject of killing trees pops up. It sounds as if your desire is to kill trees. And I know that's not what you're trying to convey. Since online writing requires no paper, maybe we can save some trees.

Try to find alternate words as mentality and mental are two similar words in close proximity. Sometimes the rhyming scheme flows. In the second line of the first stanza, an internal rhyme pops up. In the second stanza, hard and enthralled do not work as a rhyme.

I suggest editing this work by reading this out loud. It sounds weird, but it works. Your other option is to hopefully find a nugget of truth to carry forward and write something else.

Never worry about 'voicing' your concerns. The more you write, the more your true talents reveal themselves. What's the secret to success? Read, review, write. And then the worst, edit. *Pthb*

Be patient with yourself. Here's a link that will connect you with other new members.
Never stop writing!

"Noticing Newbies" 

Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
295
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Review of SNOW  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Richard. Nixie here. I found your story via random reviews.

Great, captivating story carried the plot by personifying snow. From the beginning, the pilot had little chance of survival, and from there the situation only worsened.

Beginning each paragraph with a capital [S] was very effective in spelling out an animated personality. I enjoy snow, but there is a mountain in NYS where squalls blow in unexpectedly and people die.

The pace of the story was slow, but didn't drag. You may want to consider using contractions to lighten it up. But if you want your snow to show off superiority, then using no contractions works. The story was believable and accurate. I could see the pilot struggling to live, and the snow determined to kill him.

Below, I left a few comments, without overwhelming the review, pointing out each and every one.

*BareTree3*
Your choice, of course, but surly seems out of place in this sentence.
Flying so low allowed Snow to slowly, surly build up on the wings of his plane.

*BareTree3* Lapses of attention
The sentence below is a gerund. Take care when beginning a sentence with an (ing) word. The pilot cannot simultaneously crawl and stagger.

Crawling from the cabin the pilot stagger away from the plane just in time to turn as it exploded into flames.

Even with the help of the broken tree branchs missing the [e]

Farther is distance. Further is everything else, often the progression of time.
seemed to get [further] away with every tortured stride.

Well done. Thanks for the read!

Damiana Matrix SPR

GROUP
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#1300305 by Maryann


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296
296
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Dongeon. I found your story using the read and review option.


Overall Impression
Considering I don't read dwarf and elf stories, you're quite the writer! And for something written in 2003 with 22 reviews? Normally, I'd pass on. Dang, you held my attention all the way through.

Characters
Cachi was quite a character. Daring, capricious, and fun. But Tormal stole my heart. His resigned manner of following Cachi against his better judgment tickled my funny bone, wherever that is. *Laugh* And Cachi sure has a lot of demands. Excellent and engaging dialogue between the two. What else could Tormal do at this point? I figured the story would wrap up with flowers and kisses, but an elf entered the scene, taking me by surprise.

From there, the danger escalated and both dwarfs seemed doomed. The story took another turn, and a whole new scene began. Ick for the description of the snake people, but ingenious way to show their appearance.

The plot moves swiftly as the battle ensues. Vivid descriptions! I know I belonged on Cachi and Tormal's side, but I felt sorry for the snake/person, who transformed from an elf. I had my doubts as to her children, it could have been a trap. But the dwarfs helped, after wounding the mother. YAY for Cachi who showed compassion. That's what I was hoping for.

Cute ending wrapped up the story. Thanks for the unusual read. *Smile*

~Nixie

New identity for SPR

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#1300305 by Maryann


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297
297
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Paul
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. I'm making an Australian - Bondi burger.

I can't believe I read this. My interest in vampires is -100. *Laugh* One reason I fell into this trap was my fault. I read the title, but not the brief description. The second reason I stayed revolved around your writing style. Though the plot dragged with passive verbs, it was still compelling to be inside a vamp's head.

Most are familiar with vampire lore, but you made this story personal through characterization. You effectively made me despise Sally. A strong vampire, beyond what Amanda expected. At first, she merely annoyed me. As the situation fell from bad to worse, I thought of her as stupid, refusing to move on,

I have to ask, why then did she turn.
Sally should not have turned; she'd only been bitten twice.


This sentence made no sense to me. How were the heads reunited? They were already dead. Sorry if I missed something.

The heads have already been reunited with their respective bodies.”

Good idea to write this as a list. The story progressed exactly as promised. A vampire taking account of his life. On television, I've seen vampires feed on animals. Yes, I confess to watching one series.

Favorite vivid description.
they often go into a frenzy – like sharks in the ocean

I'm not sure why I read the brutal descriptions.

It can be tricky to go back in a story, and I had to read the beginning a few times before it made sense.

The reader knows Sally is a vampire.
I struck at Sally, but Sally was not human.

The husband Jake doesn't know Amanda is a vampire? And then only Sally knows among her brothers?

Clever idea: police scanner.

Okay, before I drive both of us crazy, I'll stop thinking about this story (haha, unlikely) Thanks for the read.

~Nixie

pref


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298
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Review of New moon  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Bikerider. Random review has dropped me here, once again.
Yes, it's Nixie, preparing an entree ~ Australian - Bondi burger


Great story! What an inspiring (a little play on words there) write showing how the settlers lived and worked together toward a common goal. Writtenword, such an unusual name for a planet. I wondered if only writers lived there. That wasn't true. And I wondered about other things, like how many were there, where they came from, how they got there...nothing of importance with the theme you dreamt.

The way the domes connected made me think of a gerbil maze I made for my kids. *Laugh* And so they had to be linked for movement and visitation. I wasn't sure of the relationship between Tisha and Gabe. Since they came from the same dome, they must be married, or some sort of couple.

The Domemaster (excellent descriptive name) stole the show, literally. For eleven years the settlers had seen nothing above except the domes. I guess it's sort of like living underground. I can't stop asking so many unrelated or specific questions. But I stopped because you were word-restricted by the contest. *Checkg*

The description of the cake held me there for a bit as I tried to picture it in my head, I didn't quite understand that part. The performances described made of think of a traveling minstrel show. Times ten.

I'll admit to more curiosity wondering what the settlers brought for gifts. And I remained curious as they were never revealed. Again, not specifically germane to the plot.

My only problem stemmed from the endless word [gift]. I know all this is past you now, but I don't write without a thesaurus bookmarked.

Considering what you had to work with, nicely done. I'm a little taken aback that this piece didn't win. However, that's not the purpose of entering a contest, for me. It's a way to practice writing. Winning is a bonus, not winning isn't disappointing.

Good grief I've babbled on. I never wanted to leave your story world. Can I be a settler? *Laugh*

Thanks for the pleasure of reading and reviewing your work.

~Nixie

Mod


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299
299
Review of THE LAST SWALLOW  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Rich
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. I'm preparing an entree, Australian - Bondi burger.

I liked the title, though full caps never look polished to me. Some writers prefer it. Double meaning up there. What if swallow meant a human swallowing something...but what could be not ours? The investigation began.

The plot wrapped me up, exactly like what you so poetically described in the story. all the scenes, so elegantly written created a movie in my mind. I've never seen a eucalyptus tree before. Thanks for painting the the sight. Now I can see how huge those trees were. Two men not enough to encircle? Wow.

Are we talking about mealie worms? I don't think so, which means I had no idea what mealies were. The description was picturesque.

I remember one time a squirrel not taking refuge soon enough before the hurricane hit. It was a small one, but the squirrel clued me in as to when the massive winds blew. He'd tucked his little body into the crook of a tree. As the howls began, he sheltered himself with his little curled up tail, and survived.

Excellent portrayal of someone watching an on-coming storm. Those clouds sounded bruised and nasty. Hail is an interesting phenomenon, unless you're caught in it. Forget being able to spare your car if you're driving. And most likely, kiss your roof goodbye. As described here, it is a fascinating sight as it blankets the ground.

Oh, the swallows, though. All I could do was hope they'd live, although it seemed unlikely.

One swallow lived, rescued by the narrator. Coaxed back to life, only for nature to swoop in and claim its dinner. I've seen that once before, and it's disturbing. I hope the prey dies when the claws bite in.

Life and death, all the same. I think about the life span of squirrels and swallows. How do they perceive the passing? Or are they totally unaware. Poison frogs have their defense. The moths that change color too, so they're not visible.

Nature is an amazing phenomenon. I'd prefer being a creature instead of a human. At least I won't be destroying the earth.

As I'm sure you noticed, your story entranced me. I spent some time here, absorbing all that happened. Great write!

~Nixie

pref


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300
300
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Ken.
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. U'm cooking up an Australian - Bondi burger entree,

You may think I'm kidding, but you'd be wrong. *Laugh* This may be the last time I stop by your portfolio.. I landed here via random reviewing.

Why won't I return? Because every item I've ever reviewed is perfect, always a five. Can't you make one simple error? Maybe I did catch you this time, If I'm reading correctly, a word is missing.

He went to [the] rope, giving

Along with the others, this story was concise, using word economy. The sentences flowed one into the other foe an easy read. You created a character I identified with, thinking of him the same as any other child learning a new skill. Many of my favorite people are kids. They[re so honest and forthright. Mostly, they are successful at completing a task. This poor troll had a whole lot dangling in the breeze.

The story was complete, setting, characters conflict, resolution, all in place. Who knew campanology was the actual meaning of the verb. "The art or practice of bell-ringing." Incredible.

Everyone has to love your sense of dry humor. What an image you created showing the troll ringing the bell with its body. Did he live?

Never one to disappoint, you'd better make an apology to Mr.Hemingway. You'll have to crank up those creative gears if you want to ask someone dead to pardon you. *Laugh*

Witty write!

~Nixie







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