Nixie's (nixie9) Reviews

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227

#4569415

Review of My Son

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Jack. Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020"

Should we say synchronicity? Continuing to follow each other? This time, I even waited to see if someone else would post in the forum. I don't mind if you don't.

A simple title and applicable cover art demonstrated the author's pride in his work.

I sit heartbroken after reading your poignant words. Why do they grow up so fast? For them, it takes forever. For a parent of grandparent, it happens faster than a goldfish circling its tank.

The excellent first stanza set the scene, exactly as it should. Immediately, the image came to mind and teased memories of my own experiences from my vault. Due to specific word choices, the cold felt real. Especially with the contrast of 'pale white' against 'bright red'.

As the stanzas flowed, the punctuation was consistent, guiding the reader as it set the pace. Words like 'races' and 'jumps' propel the poem into action.

It's remarkable that these simple words created such a strong reaction for me. I haven't seen snow since 2009, but the memories never fade. Mostly, I recall my own sledding experiences, the worst when someone's toboggan slammed into me, fracturing my tailbone. Ouch.

In your poem, the mood is quiet and gentle. The last line in the second stanza established (more or less, yet sufficiently) your son's age at the time of writing this. The sense of pride is heard not only in the words of the third stanza, but in an overall take-away. Merely the fact that you (the dad) are watching demonstrated your love.

My dad was stoic, but he was there for the ice-skating and skiing. His love was shown with action, since loving words just weren't spoken in that WW2 generation. At least in my family. No 'I love you' no kisses or hugs. But the love was palpable, if I could parse through all the bad stuff and suss it out.

In the last stanza, thinking about your son climbing up the hill, I remember my aching legs and huffing to catch my breath. Snow and winter. Both were magical, albeit down right freezing. In Maine, the temps went down to -20 degrees for weeks at a time. I still went to work wearing high heels, despite the frost and the snow.

Look at me, prattling on about myself. When that happens, the writer can take pride in knowing their words, or experiences, evoked emotion in the reader. Well done.

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228

#4569365

Review of I Write In 2020

for entry "Life's Journey"

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Carly. Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020"

What first caught my eye was the presentation. The middle lines are longer than the others, marking the moments of life expanding, or in your words "blossoms." The line below, using the word dimension, also enhanced the reading experience. Most likely because writing of other dimensions is a passion of mine.

A bit of disappointment in the line "and the curtain drops". Cliches are familiar, and often serve in writing to make the write instantly relatable. A curtain dropping accomplished that. It sounded a little trite to me.

Now a bit of my personal reaction. We have directly opposite concepts of life beginning and ending. Here goes. A life begins with a baby delivered from a warm, watery womb into the cold and clinical world. Hardly quiet solace. The middle, expanded lines echoed with agreement.

Time is a concept, and it's hard to get one's head around that fact and still demonstrate passage. Space moves, we don't. To take it one step further, the past only exists in our minds because we remember, and the future exists because we can imagine one. Now, if I ever figure out how to express that without the word time, I'll jump up and down. Nothing in this paragraph takes away the thunder of the message.

In the last, time shows up again. I'm, not you, stuck with the same problem as described above. Ah, life would be much easier if I could, you know, figure it all out. I desperately hope our time is not a loop.

Even though memories are inaccurate, that's what people leave behind. I try to make remarkable memories. I seek out the audacious, which mostly eludes me. My legacy will probably be that 'wow, she was weird' because I never go with the flow. I fight.

Did you intentionally use the words 'of its own' and 'all its own' in lines 10 and 11?

More about mechanics. Punctuation in poems, at one time, had to be consistent. I'm happy that changed. Your punctuation was minimal. A period after the first four lines created a flowing read, as line after line followed logically. (One can witness the life of another.)

Interesting, the last two lines ended in periods. Was that intentional, to place emphasis one the conclusion? It makes more sense, to me, leaving no punctuation after the honoured, with the only the last line ending in a period. Especially since the two lines are directly related.

The reason for the half-docked star? the rating was not a reflection of my opinion vs. yours. However, since I had such a strong reaction to the last two lines, the 1/2 star felt 'right'.

Nicely done!

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229

#4569078

Review of Blogocentric Formulations

for entry "Body Like A Back Road"

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi Jeff. Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020"

I've been thinking since yesterday how to review this entry. Nothing new has come to mind, but I don't want to delay the review any longer.

I like to 'know' the authors, because it helps me gain a deeper insight. The last personal information I recall about you is that you're a screenwriter. Reading your port tab answered all my questions. Except for one. Where did your burning desire for music come from?

I've read the blog challenge, so I know you satisfied the requirements. And since you made the guidelines...how could you miss something requested.

Music is poetry. Sometimes, when I start writing, songs come to mind, and I think, well, the lyric writers are the true poets. Some people like the music, the lyrics are what grab me. There's quite a bit to learn from them. Here's my favorite line from the song.

"I'm gonna take it slow just as fast as I can."

It gives a listener pause, as we're free to interpret as we choose. Like an oxymoron, the opposite words 'slow' and 'fast' in the same line attract me. I know there's a better way to phrase that, but it's all I have.

I've seen video clips showing Taylor Swift working out a song. She had one line of lyrics and a the beat she wanted to use. From there, she just kept going.

How your entry related to me? As gleaned from your writing, I, too, am frustrated by the repetition and singular subject matter. Yet I can't deny the irresistible tempos and the gentle ease of listening.

From the back halls in my mind, something I heard long ago sprang up. Paraphrased, since memories are unreliable, 'play a country song backwards and the guy's dog, truck, and wife will come back to him.'

The offense taken by Blake Shelton and Jason Aldean makes me think of Taylor Swift, again. For the life of me, I can't dream up the song in my mind, just the overall take on the lyrics. There will always be haters and people who judge. So, might as well do what you want. There's no escape. People are people.

I laughed at the replies from Shelton and Aldean.

A child of the '70's, I miss the intellectual lyrics of protest or social injustice. I remember high school! when we had to write an essay on the meaning of this phrase from the song Eleanor Rigby. "Wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door". I don't remember figuring it out, but now I think, well, since we all have to wear masks, women no longer need to use makeup. Covid may bankrupt the companies who manufacture the products.

I really miss 'my' music. *sigh*

Sam Hunt? I confess to relaxing while playing and listening to the video. Repetitive, yes, but an easy listen.

Time to close this review. The entry is well-written (of course). I enjoyed my time here, both for the nostalgia on my part, and for the informational aspect of what you wrote. I bet you're as well-spoken, too. Oh, I agree with your conclusion.

~Nixie

Only reviews from the past
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230

#4564252

Review of ruwth is writing...

for entry "~ Jesus Loves Me ~"

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi Ruwth. Nixie here. It's my pleasure to review your poem for "I Write in 2020"

What a beautiful tribute. It's fascinating how one specific memory stays crystal in our minds. I remember my Communion, as if it happened yesterday. Not to mislead anyone, I'm no longer a practicing Catholic. But I have miraculous moments to look back on. Life really is a mystery. And maybe it should stay that way.

I don't think I've ever seen a poem written with the beginning of every line capitalized. Your choice, of course, but it sort of threw me off.

For a year or so, I taught Sunday school, and singing played a major part in keeping those darlings in line. When it was time for their snack, and I had to leave the room, I'd start a chorus of "Amen, amen, amen, say it over, amen." They all sang right along with me, and they never misbehaved.

I remember the first morning in our new church, Episcopalian, this time, when the pastor asked the congregation if anyone wanted to teach Sunday school. My hand went up without any conscious thought. Of course, since I'd been Catholic, the kids had to teach me all the songs they knew, none of which I'd heard before. So we all taught and learned together.

To sing is to create magic. Even now, I can't listen to Amazing Grace without sobbing. In my Catholic church, we sang a song with a verse "Is it I Lord?" but my dad, with his incredible baritone voice always sang "It is I Lord." Even when we told him about the wording, he kept singing as he wanted. I miss him.

So, right now, at this moment, if you're singing, then so am I. And somewhere, my dad's probably singing too.

Even though I'm not the same person as before, I thank you for the opportunity to share my memories with yours.

Nice write.

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231

#4561130

Review of I Write In 2020

for entry "Embellishment "

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Carly! Nixie here. It's my pleasure to review your work for "I Write in 2020"

. This will be a new experience. I don't recall ever 'meeting' you.

When I see the word embellishment, I think of my ex-husband and all his trumped-up stories. It seemed every scene he described from work was too perfect. Everyone said all the right words at the right time. One day I asked, are you embellishing this? Of course, the answer was, yes.

Today, in your words, I've seen embellishment expressed in an about turn for me. The first line soothed me, as I imagined satiny silk draped around me, and from there, traveled with you into your poet world. What a happy place. Now, if my ex wasn't a liar, I suppose these words could apply to him. I'm delightfully uplifted that he can't fit in here.

From your words, I see a loving couple (of any sort) engaged in ungainly steps of love. I want to believe in this couple who share experiences with the wink of an eye. A 'true-love- relationship where each knows the other is brightening the world.

With final words 'dimension' and pizzazz' the poem stood out among others for unique word choice.

Nice work finding a home for embellish.

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232

#4556194

Review of ruwth is writing...

for entry "~ Use STP in a Crisis. ~"

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi ruwth! Nixie here. It's my pleasure to review your work for "I Write in 2020"

Most inspirational! A wondrous take on the prompt.

I remember STP, but only the acronym, not the meaning. I can't recall seeing the advertisement. Stop radiator leaks is what popped into my mind. (My old car had more problems than we could afford to properly fix.)

I'm moved by the way you 'remade' the acronym as a message to yourself in times of trouble. Often, we're stuck on a problem that circles endlessly in our minds. The solution or resolution is never revealed. We experience a myriad for emotions, perhaps frustration or panic, depending on the issue.

Until we choose to redirect our thoughts, nothing will change. Let the situation loose and wa-la comes the answer. Not so easily done, though. In those moments, having an escape route to another place, something easy to remember, we find our way. (Your STP).

Years ago, my psychologist envisioned a box with the initials HS written on it. When she couldn't solve a problem, she mentally placed it in her HS (Holy Spirit) box and let it go.

My mantra begins with the first two lines of the Desiderata by Max Ehrmann.

"Go placidly among the noise and haste, and remember what peace my be found in silence."

It's a crazy world out there, and quieting the mind is almost miraculous. We rise above ourselves, recognizing the futility of our conscious minds finding peace.

Whether a person is or is not Christian, your poem speaks to all, which is remarkable.

(I wonder if the direct quote of the serenity prayer—one which AAA uses—should be distinguished in some way, as it's a direct quotation.)

I liked the lead-in, a specific mention of how you arrived where you did. Word clues or associations take us immediately from the moment. The upset is transferred to a place we consider safe refuge.

Thanks for reminding me of how this can be done. Your poem is a gift for all.

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233

#4554342

Review of Marcus and Milly. Chapter two

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi Sumojo. Nixie here. I have the pleasure of reviewing another entry of yours for "I Write in 2020"

Wow. Hard to believe I caught this story in the forum and was able to follow up from chapter one.

POV
Excellent set-up skipping from one POV to another. Although this technique doesn't always work, the differing POVs gave me much more insight as each character continued the story. Also, the little lines in between help.

Characters
Once again, I'm dwelling on character development. I'm wondering if Marcus has upgraded his lifestyle. Here, we learn he comes from wealth, but quickly following, Marcus says he only gets a small allowance. I guess that means he's still living the simple life. No fancy cars, homes, apartments, expensive clothes...

Milly has to work and go to school, an indication her extra money is as slim as Marcus's. That's always good in a relationship. No one wants to be with their 'twin', a person who perfectly mirrors a self-image, but some essential qualities of sameness do apply. Money's a big qualifier.

Back to the beginning.
I can't decide if I agree with Milly or not. With all the tech and info available, she could easily look into his background and ensure he's telling the truth. Seems she goes on her 'gut' feelings. Even though sex has commenced, she's still leery of him. Does he sense this? IDK. After six months, I'd think she'd left this doubt aside. A relationship built on a lie or mistrust never works.

What a convincing write to show how the characters are moving forward. She's been introduced to his family—does she see his wealth, I wonder? And what does she think of that? Is she intimidated?

Escalating the plot
The sexual aspect of their relationship is outlined without being overly graphic. Although, considering the challenge, I'm thinking this will escalate to erotica. When that happens, I won't review any more. It's not 'my thing' Just saying, in case we run into each other again.

I don't want you thinking that I ghosted on you.

Marcus's thoughts about how he's prepared his apartment had a moment of comic relief. Clean sheets, and then the two words following. [the lot]. A good summary of what he's cleaned up without listing tedious details unnecessary to the plot.

Considerations/oops
Much improvement in this chapter. Not nearly as many tech issues.

I know you’ll be starving...[knew you'd be]?
to keep this sentence in the same verb tense?

Even after all this time, I can’t believe she agreed to go out with me.
This sounded a little odd, considering six months have passed. Maybe [I can't believe we're still dating.]

my family love her > loves

Peering closely
Only a few days ago, I read the chapter one. I apologize. I can't remember what Milly is studying. Maybe another clue for the reader as a reminder? And what does she look like? You referenced Marcus's appearance again in a convincing way that flowed with the story. We saw him through Milly's eyes. But other than the facts that Milly has luscious lips, slim waist, looks amazing, and has a sexy butt, that's all the reader knows. Now that I'm actually typing this, I'm wondering if that's enough.

I'd like Marcus to twirl her hair, or something, to show what color and length it is. . . um .... how tall she is? Maybe her head tucks perfectly below his chin when they hug. How do they dress? Casually? Milly seems like a proper lady, but does she wear sexy clothes? Is this even important to the plot, at this point? That's me, talking (typing out loud)

Milly's nickname for him is adorable, and sums up his appearance. Does Marcus have one for Milly?

Oops. Before I forget (again) let me mention how you move your characters with ease. Especially the scene with the foot massage and the continuing exploration that Milly halts.

That's a wrap
Both characters have similar misgivings. Marcus isn't totally confident, still in awe of Milly, demonstrating a vulnerability. Milly's playing it safe, continuing to question his background, while still moving forward. Right now, I trust Marcus, but she could be in dangerous waters. Men always show women what they want to see.

I liked the last line (Milly's reflection) in this chapter because it sums up the question lingering in my mind.

Love or lust?

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your chapter. It was fun and thought provoking. I want to know more.

~Nix

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234

#4550815

Review of Woods You Be My Neighbor?

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi Mastiff. Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020"

Wow, that's a great title. I like the play on words.

I have to admit to total confusion. Maybe if I knew who the narrator was in the beginning, the story might have made more sense. So, this back woodsman has found paradise, and he's walking to the store for supplies? The first paragraph contains his observations? Maybe we could hear the story from him as he's approaching the store.

The story had an off-balance feeling. Blocks of text with dialogue interspersed. In the second line of dialogue, is Mike speaking to himself in the first line? It would make more sense. Also, it's a bit of a clumsy sentence, and you really don't need it. If Mike simply stares at the guy and asks who he is, wa-la! the reader can infer the meaning.

I could easily relate to Mike's message. Now, I don't live off the grid, but I am happier with fewer possessions. It took me a few years to figure that out.

After the dialogue about Bezos, the following paragraph isn't in quotations. It took me awhile to realize Mike was still talking, not narrating his life. Also, that's a big block of dialogue. I wonder if, in real life, the reporter would have interrupted him here and there? It would bring the passage to life, and the dialogue would sound normal. Of course, I don't know your reporter. Maybe he's the kind who listens forever.

So the big story was that Mike moved off the grid and lived in the woods? It was the reporter's luck to have tracked him down? It didn't seem like much of a story to me. What am I missing?

I really liked the part about Kindle.

I must have 400 books loaded on mine. I do miss holding a book, though.

The stories I come across with mention of Covid are interesting. I wonder how this time will go down in history. Authors who write stories with a mention of Covid are smart. They'll have a reference point to look back on years later.

The final paragraph wound the story down, and let the reader, along with Mike, fall into a contemplative mood. It is good.

Thanks for the opportunity to read your work. It was my pleasure. High five for entering the contest!

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235

#4547026

Review of Take Us to Orange

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)

Hi Hooves! Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020"

First impression
What a beautiful and pessimistic poem. The images you painted were extraordinary and unique.

The form
Technically speaking, the lack of punctuation allowed me to read at a pace personalized to me. I don't mind when the author guides me with punctuation, but without those little marks the presentation appears cleaner. No punctuation enhances the flow of the words.

The poetry form itself sounded challenging enough. No need for me to count the syllables. I liked the way you introduced the poem, making no apologies if somewhere along the way, a line popped up without the precise syllable count.

Hauling in the reader
The first line set the theme, creating a feeling of uncertainty. A sense of foreboding.

Delving deeper
As the poem progressed, I fell deeper into your dark well of negativity and was very much at home there. The dark and dismal words echoed my own thoughts. Where all this will end remains unknown. Surely, our society will be changed forever. We all have concerns, caught in the whirlwind of chaos.

Emotional reaction
No point in looking back. It is what it is, and we'll all have to adapt. Hope is a strong emotion, and yes, merely the thought of hoping is frighting. Your words spoke to me; I've read this several times, each read broadened the range of my reaction. Sometimes I nodded my head, others I cringed, aware of the truth unfolding.

My thoughts
Which is better? Hope or nope? I tend to go from point zero to ten-thousand when speculating. Nothing in between. I'm a drama queen in my mixed up mind. I merely say the worst is awful x 1000, but those who know me understand it's just my way of coping. I back down from the dire predictions after proclaiming my negativity. I don't know. Maybe it makes situations more bearable when the conclusion is exaggerated. A time to laugh in a time of fear?

Continued speculation
Humans need to be touched. In the fourth stanza, I carried the thought one step further. Humans need to be touched, even beyond childhood. It's simply too weird to keep a distance from my family. I suspect we'll see extreme emotional ramifications from this restriction, necessary as it may be.

Strength in words
The second sentence in the same sentence had the word 'bloody' chance. I think that's a British 'swear' word, and it always shocks me, which worked to great effect. Although I was already entangled in your web, that word startled me. It's a strong and emphatic word. No prisoners taken.

I did have one question. The first line sounds like present tense, 'seems like' and the second sentence sounds like past tense, stolen and changed. It's possible I read it wrong.

The best I saved for last. The title made me think of America's state of response. Next from orange would be red. I admired the way you used the a color to paint a different image than one splashed on canvas. Fall was personified. I've never heard anyone write the word sing in relation to falling leaves.

Evocative write. You caught me unaware and left a lingering impression. Beautiful pessimism that resounds in me.

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236

#4546094

Review of Painter of Dreams

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hi Zelphyr. Nixie here.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM

Awesome title. I sure wish the brief description hadn't given away the meaning of the story.

Although the plot and conclusion were determined from the beginning,except for the final revelation, Maya fascinated me. I continued reading, wondering what had happened to her and how she came to such a tragic fate. Where was she from? How did she end up as a science experiment?

The puzzle of Maya chugged along at a steady pace. I was relieved when the new psychiatrist at least inspired a limited response. He was the only person in her life who saw her as a human being, not an object. That endeared me to him.

But neither character gave me anything to relate to. I couldn't engage with Reil or Maya, other than in an abstract way.

I liked the supernatural theme, especially as expressed in the sentence below. The word [sector] initially triggered that response. I was thinking a different dimension. On the second read, it was clear the setting was of the scientific research center. Correct?

"You can see for yourself that the dimensions of this sector would not accommodate this garden.

The glaring mystery wasn't Maya and the way her paintings come to life. I'm comfortable with that theme and enjoy writing similar stories.

My favorite sentence.
The word was so sudden and hard that, for a moment, Reil wondered if perhaps he’d simply heard a rock fall.

What a shock when I read the last two paragraphs. Finally, a few of the puzzle pieces came together. Then the story threw me off a balcony, where I'd been reasonably sure what would happen.

As I mentioned from the beginning, I knew Maya would be painting someone's death. As I read, since she hated everyone, I wondered if she would paint their deaths. The story reminds me a bit of an episode from the 10th Dr. Who.

Maya found a way to gain freedom. I bet she was relieved.

Was the description of her eyes as cloudy meant to show her dying? Sort of an oxymoron. She could only see with clouded eyes. Hmm. Something for me to ponder after the review is concluded.

Most likely, I stumbled in a few places. I read carefully, as this kind of read requires. It's not a story to be rushed through. I'm frustrated when any reviews are received where it's glaringly obvious the reader skimmed the page. Hopefully, I avoided that.

Thanks for the read. I enjoyed the entire experience.

~Nixie

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237

#4545873

Review of Noah's Ark

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi Shannon. Nixie here.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM

Gorgeous cover art.

Yikes! What a dangerous read that crept up to me with no warning. The title drew my curiosity, the plot tore apart my heart.

The beginning made me both comforted and then frightened. That last sentence in the first paragraph destroyed my mind while propelling it further. I had to find out what happened to Mary and her child.

Words hold readers transfixed. I was a victim caught between Oh, I can't keep reading this and Oh, but I can't stop. I continued reading. Just now, I flipped back to your portfolio, positive you were a published author. If not, you should be.

I hated (related to) the burial scene of Noah's little body. No, coffins shouldn't be that small. And they should't be occupied by someone's big sister, taken too early in life. I threw a rose on her coffin so it could die, just like her. We buried her yesterday, we buried her in 1983. Noah's mom is caught up in that warped window of memories. At this point, after all these years, I smile, rather than cry when my sister comes to mind. She was the talented one. The true author.

Even though she was in her 30's, my mom's face never lost that haunted look. For ten years, she wouldn't even say her name, nor was anyone in her presence allowed.

I meant to mention in the beginning how the tree drew me in. Call me weird, but for me, they're wise and magical. I think of all the hundreds of years rooted to one place. What if they absorb knowledge? Every time I walk, each tree I come across is caressed until their peace and unity become mine.

Good grief. I've turned a bright anniversary review into a sea of tears. I marveled at all your descriptions. The characters moved through the plot. This word about the father brought me up short. 'migrated' Fascinating word choice.

My dad died in 2014. I find no comfort in visiting graves. But two of my brothers went a few days after. Similar to Noah's Ark, they saw a silver balloon float gracefully straight up from my dad's grave into the sky.

This couldn't have been an easy story to write, having to tap into emotions that are real for me.

Thanks for the fantastic, but heartbreaking read.

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238

#4545806

Review of ZANAMON

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Angus!

HAPPY 9th WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM

Unbelievable and unique opening paragraph. No one's ever written that before!

You have a distinct talent for at least two (opposing) genres. Mostly when I visit, my determination to read a horror story carries me through the scary parts. I'm careful though. My brain's full of its own terrifying thoughts. Should I laugh or cry?

On this fantastic day, your 9th anniversary day, I'm here laughing. The plot built slowly like Livingston's idiot ideas that carried him to success. The tongue in cheek parts had me shaking my head. It seems, according to what his family had been eating, he was already at the top of his game.

The upside down humor continued throughout. His unfair treatment of workers and family evaded him. A selfish man, at best.

His creations? Boxes and bottled water from the tap? I can't decide which is worse. His nonsensical success or the intellect of the people falling for his scam.

And that was another weird part. Livingston didn't seem at all concerned, or had a guilty conscious. He believed in his products.

Life is perception. Livingston had only one vision of himself. Rising up. Excellent job showing both his mental state (the other buildings are falling) and the actuality. You couldn't resist adding the Trump Tower to the story, could you?

We harp on each other for using the verb [was]. Despite the entertainment, every time that verb appeared I winced. However, in this write that verb didn't detract from the story. Action carried the reader forward.

I zeroed in on the many excellent word choices. Cool going.

Since this is an anniversary review, no editing points shall be mentioned.

It's pointless anyhow because the story didn't overly suffer from an unspoken rule here or there.

I can't see your name anywhere, or stop the thought when I look at review pages. 4000+ reviews. You'd best stay right here and keep inspiring the community and entertaining us. Today, you can wear a

.

~Nixie

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239

#4545625

Review of Hat trick

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi! Nixie here. I found your flash via random review. What a challenging contest.

The Hook
I liked this read! It had a catchy first sentence. Remember using contractions lessens word count and creates shorter, punchier sentences.

Always shorten sentences for dialogue. No one speaks like this.

“This is unlike any other room in the library,” Jess exclaimed.

Example: "Weird room," Jeff said.

Passive verbs (was) (were) should be avoided. Show vs. tell. that's what we aim for. So, why were they drawn to it? be more specific. Show the fascination.

I can't resist reading flash. So much has to be included in flash. All aspects of a short story in 300 words. It teaches writers to choose words carefully and remember less is better. Let the reader be drawn into the vision.

A library comes easily to mind.
Consider adding more.
Were the lights dim? or not working? Did they bring flashlights? Brush aside cobwebs? Hear something skittering? Shortening dialogue and using contractions gives the writer room to show more.

Thoughts

"A peculiar looking hat that looked out of place. It was the shape of a palm, but with six fingers. I counted."

This was the only sentence that seemed out of place. If your character is far away, as indicated in the sentence above this one, how could he discern the details?

“J-Jess, I’m not so sure…” I said weakly."

Ah! no words ending in (ly) allowed.

But seriously. Adverbs are an indication of a weak verb. And definitely do not use them as sentence tags. Since the character hesitated, one possible alternative would be [I stuttered]

“Jess?” I was terrified."

Imagine being terrified. What would your actions be? Trembling hands, sweat on the brow...

I began searching the room for something to help him. And that’s when I saw it.

Stronger sentence. Fiction is immediate. Nothing begins...
I searched the room for something to help him. (him) is unnecessary. We know who he's searching for.

Emotions evoked
I was thinking Please don't pick up the hat! Jess. Of course, the character has to do the wrong thing to create the tension and conflict.

This was a hopeful sentence. And also led to scarier mind sets.

"For a moment, nothing happened."

I thought, just for a sec, maybe nothing would happen.

See? You drew me into your story.

A closed book=lasting impression
My suggestion would be to learn (if the review helped) and move onto another write.

The conclusion was inevitable, but still a good read. The last line made me shudder.

A decent write for a newbie. (no offense intended) We all start somewhere.

I only offer advice if the story has potential.

I still hold dear a member who helped me in the beginning. She's no longer here, but I'm forever indebted to her.

Love this image from Brooke! Personal signature

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240

#4545400

Review of Walking in the Dark

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi Odessa. Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020"

I really liked the repetition of the reference to walking alone. It drove home the point and wrapped up the story of the narrator satisfactorily. At least she/he would try to help. (I didn't see the narrator's name mentioned anywhere.)

If you work on the dialogue, Suri can mention the narrator's name, which would make the story more personal.

The way the story began and the progression to the next paragraph confused me. Were they children when Suri said "I am to marry." Is that why the narrator didn't understand the implications? Seems to me most are familiar with this situation.

I've never watched the TV series you mentioned, but because it was in the story, I wondered if this was non-fiction.

All the salient, cultural points were covered. Suri's fear was real and that came across as authentic. Excellent job showing her in the Burka with downcast eyes. How sad.

This little bit had me puzzling over the timeline.

What I got were excuses.

I ran into Suri last week in the supermarket.

How did the narrator hear excuses before she saw Suri? What were the excuses? Or had the narrator seen Suri before? A plot misstep? Or am I reading this incorrectly?

Each new line of dialogue from a different character requires a paragraph break. I can think of one way to solve the mystery of the timeline. If Suri's statement was shown in italics, the reader would deduce (most likely) this was heard when both girls were children. Either way, a paragraph break is required after "I am to marry." statement.

More questions. Sorry. Who arranged the marriage and when? How old was Suki? Still a child?

In the beginning, the narrator understood the basics of the marriage. But if the narrator only learned the exact nature of the arrangement by watching TV, that leaves a non-watcher like me in the dark. (Except I know from my son's tours in Iraq what was happening.) I figured the narrator would, as well. If the two girls were best friends, why wouldn't the narrator understand all the implications before the marriage? I'm confused.

The preponderance of the word [was] dragged down the pace and created the need for unnecessary words. Remember, less is more in fiction. The reader's looking for a way to connect.

Although the overuse of the passive verb continued throughout, the story picked up some momentum after the narrator received Suki's cry for help. Since this arrangement is cultural, the narrator's plan to free her friend would never succeed.

Suki's character and her actions broke my heart. Excellent description of her appearance in the supermarket.

What happened to those bright almond eyes I had known all these years.

Did you mean almond-shaped eyes? The way it's written sounds as if her eyes were almond in color. And from the description of her eyes, it sounded like Suki was from the Middle East and would know what an arranged marriage meant.

I don't ask questions about stories that confuse me, unless I see potential behind the words. A cultural clash is a fantastic obstacle for characters to overcome.

Give yourself kudos and a pat on the back for entering this challenging contest. You've more confidence than me!

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241

#4545183

Review of Snow's Writing for 2019, 2020, & Beyond

for entry "April 18 prompt: article of clothing - My Own Fashion Sense"

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Snow! Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020"

First off, what a wonderful idea for setting up a blog. Collections and the like can be overlooked, and get cumbersome.

I've been thinking ever since I read this how it could possibly be reviewed. Then I read the prompt and it all made sense. The ride was a little bumpy, mostly because of me. Symmetry and rhyming. That's what's captures my attention.

So, I focused on the content, which was my first impression. Trying to go deeper and ferret out more than my feelings ended up a fruitless and unnecessary journey. Do most ignore that little voice in their head, or brush aside what first comes to mind?

Every facet of clothing appeared here. From shoes, to pants or skirts, from fashion conscious to relaxed and enjoyable. You're comfortable with where you are right now.

My problem with being at home, especially with being a Covid Captive, is my tendency to slump and forget proper posture. That habit I am sorry to have lost.

My mom raised me to dress up all the time. Heels and dresses. That was me. In school, we weren't even allowed to wear pants until the 8th grade. Funny, how stories or poems speak to the individual reader.

I'm on the borderline. Around the house, it's whatever goes. That must be true of everyone. But I'm still hard-wired to skirts and dresses. No more 3 or 4 inch heels, though.

Mostly, I pair my attire with low-heeled sandals or sneakers in the summer.

Since I live in Florida

where the norm is sandals and shorts, or something super-sloppy, I draw unwanted attention. Like you, I can't change who I am at this point in my life. In a few years, though.

In the winter, I cling to my high-heeled boots.

How true about men looking for older women with insurance! Years ago, someone warned me and suggested I stay aware.

A long time ago, I found a 2nd-hand store where rich, super-rich women traded in their clothes after wearing them once. I was the best dressed woman at work. I miss that opportunity.

My favorite part was the 4th stanza, and I bet you know why. Those WdC clothes are mighty comfy. Hoodies never appealed to me, but I have the shirts. A few times, I've sent one of my grandson's home in a WdC shirt, but now I can't remember why.

They looked so darn cute.

Look what you dragged out of me! Sometimes I worry that the best is in the past. I hope patched up memories stay sentimental, not forefront in my mind.

Some writes bring out these memories and make it easy for me to relate. I also enjoy the opportunity to 'chat with the author' as if we were sitting down together enjoying some alcohol coffee or tea.

In the end, here I am, smiling.

~Nixie

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242

#4544168

Review of Treasured

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020"

Aw, Mastiff. You caught me in a solemn mood, which ended up being the perfect state of mind for reading your work. Due to the title and mention of a particular contest, the first three lines gave the impression a love poem was blossoming.

Not so, as revealed in the fourth line. The message sinks in slowly, as the lines build, carrying sympathy and empathy. You tackled a much-talked about subject (maybe the only thing on peoples' minds) and made it your own.

In my mind, I hold the remembrance of a daughter visit today, and the other daughter yesterday. Practicing and suffering that blasted six feet away rule. Not being able to touch another isn't conducive to good mental health. Humans need contact. I guess we're together in our solitude, each struggling in their own way.

The punctuation throughout seemed excessive, although I understand you wanted to control how the poem flows. Just sayin'.

I liked how the lines slowly added a deepening awareness of what's to come. At first, a whiff of whimsy, maybe a question, but by the fourth line, the seriousness settled in. The emotions captured here are surely ones we all feel. Time passes as is its way, at its own pace.

Covid changed the world. The last line slams the door on the topic. To think of distance as an awful thing is exactly right, but oh-so-very-wrong, under the circumstances.

Nicely penned!

~Nixie

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243

#4541615

Review of The price

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi Bluejay. Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020"

I really liked the premise of this story. The execution of the plot confused me. Backstory rarely works, as it interrupts the flow of events. I understand why you wrote it this way, but it might be a good idea to begin the story with the backstory, and then progress to the conclusion, which, presently, is at the beginning.

Many instances of passive verbs and run-on sentences made this difficult to understand or connect with. I liked Ronan as a character. A nice guy with a mission, helping others on the way to the wizard.

Ronan didn't progress as a character. His challenge (to see the wizard and get back home) was downplayed by repetition. He had no difficulties along the way. His demeanor and mannerisms stayed the same. Even after everyone forgetting him, he wasn't that upset. He picked up a solitary life and began again. For example

He would bear the price because it was worth it, but his life would never be the same.

The wizard came across as expected. Wise and odd. Same as Ronan, I would have done the same. Again, I wish the story had started with the beginning.

including Jenna's parents. When he saw Jenna,
Did I miss something? I thought her name was Jendra.

Ronan paid a steep price, but in the conclusion Jendra appeared, signalling a chance for a new beginning. I wonder if she recognized him.

I can't edit this for you, demonstrating passive writing vs. active. I think it's a skill picked up over time.

If this were my story, I'd work it over. It's an interesting story, unfortunately bogged down by passivity and run-on sentences.

The conclusion came across as uplifting and encouraging.

~Nixie

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244

#4540300

Review of One Blog at a Time

for entry "March 28 Move one small paperclip"

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Tinker. Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for

FORUM

I Write in 2020

(E)
Write and review once a week for all of 2020
#2208028 by Annette

I enjoyed reading your inspirational entry. Years ago, I developed of habit of at least doing one thing per day. And sometimes, it only involved making my bed.

How kind of you to offer some quotations and books that have helped you over the years. I wonder what you found when you opened your journal. I had one for years, but later on, it was only depressing so I destroyed it.

Your tone carries both determination and the malaise you're experiencing. Mostly, I found this sad, but the paper clip psychological prompt struck me. How simple, yet complex.

At one time, my life was full of 'objects'. I read a book that suggested putting everything you didn't use into large plastic boxes and stacking them in a garage or basement. If six months passed without the need to open them, it meant it was time to let go of them. I made a few hundred bucks at my garage sales. lol.

I totally understand this feeling you speak of. Some days, I wonder why doing anything is worth it. Other days, I move furniture, or anything around to change the energy flow where I live. Even one small item usually leads to another. And the humble paperclip spurred you on.

Your words were genuine, and it's obvious you gave thought before penning this. The words seemed to plod along, not because of the way you write, rather as the words created the experience of slowness. Like snow melting in March.

I'm both angry and in agreement with asking people to focus on the positive during this pandemic. That's all fine, except some days I want to be unproductive. On those days, I resent being asked to express happiness.

But, as you have shown, it takes little to change thought patterns, encouraged by One Small Step Can Change your Life. You've done this, and shared it with the community. I spend time learning exactly (as much as we can understand) how our brains work. But that's a complicated topic that isn't appropriate for this review.

Thought-provoking write.

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245

#4535975

Review of Wheel of Fortune

for entry "March 3, 2020"

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi Riding Hood. Nixie here, again. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020"

I'm always finding you when my entry is ready. Hope you're not worn out by my comments.

Very sensual and precious.

I can smell the bread and taste the butter and honey.

The last stanza's my favorite. Something about the heat from the sill feels cozy and warm. The last two lines caught my heart, as I imagined, through your tender words, this miraculous sight.

Excellent word choices: fragile/courageous. They create the moment of the tendril's first breath. Nicely done~!

I wonder if the experience of eating of the bread is the thing that's better than the storytellers? What am I missing?

Are the no-spaces between some words intentional? (first stanza, second line) (second stanza, last line)

Thanks for the read.

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246

#4535412

Review of Heavy and Lite

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi T.L. Nixie, here.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM

I often think of how much money Americans send to other countries for assistance, when we have so many starving in our own country. Yes, we have organizations and people that help, but it's not enough for 16 million hungering souls.

Based on the statistics, your poem housed in the folder 'lighter moods and comedy' didn't seem like the right place for it.

But it's a fun read with lines flowing one to the other, all with appropriate and clever rhymes. I've eaten snake, but an eel? Ick. Cats? double ick.

In the last few stanzas, we're forced to look in the mirror and see how our food consumption affects the body. Some people, though, are naturally thin.

With all the words swallowed whole, the reader finds both comedy and some introspection. Excellent write.

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247

#4535395

Review of Mountains

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Sun Smiles. Nixie here.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM

I chose to read this because going north on NYS highway 81 brings me around a curve where I first see the mountains. Their purple majesty makes me cry. A glorious sight. Expectations are dangerous. I expected a poem that brought these feelings upon me. And that's not what happened here. I had to find another approach.

Form poetry is difficult and admirable when written. I don't study the qualifications that adhere to Cinquain. I rely on my feelings to guide me. Since I wasn't moved, I focused on the specific words so carefully chosen. I never thought of mountain heads. I paused and pondered. And then I smiled.

The mountains would be pleased by the words. As for me, images of hiking and sights come to mind. Here you offered the perspective of the mountain itself. Exploring. Fantastic thought!

I had to find the definition for the word [ gigantesque].

Except, from my understanding the word relates to giant. So huge is redundant.

2010 sounds so close to 2020 when really it's not. Work going back this far often indicates the author moved forward from this point. I wouldn't edit any work penned so long ago. But I wanted to leave my thoughts here, because the mountains deserve both your effort to form them in a specific style, and the expressions of my wild feelings.

Good job making me sit here and puzzle this through.

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248

#4534707

Review of The Cat Who Transcends Time

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Don Two. Nixie, here.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM

No way was I skipping over this write, despite it being labeled as poetry. Nothing wrong with poetry, it usually doesn't speak to me.

This piece is more like prose. Why did the story worm its way into my brain and insist on being read? The title, but not the brief description was the culprit.

I enjoyed reading every line, smiling as it flowed, painting unique images, bringing to mind memories. Transcending time for you means something quite different from where my mind travels. I liked the unexpected twist. It gave me pause, thinking of one cat embodying several others in small ways. How did you ever dream that one up? A living metaphor, indeed.

My cat understands time, which is another reason why I wanted to read and review. At seven, if I'm not eating dinner, she's prowling around, annoying me with her meowing. She reminds me when it's three in the afternoon, even though my alarm is set. And if I'm not headed towards bed by 9:30, she can be downright mean. All this from a feral cat who wandered into my apartment eight years ago. She was a parking lot cat. When I moved, I had to teach her not to go down the stairs. No more going outside. It was awful, but I'm proud of the relationship I managed to create. Sometimes, she even dozes on my lap.

I do tend to babble when a write resonates with me. Sorry. Your work is elegant and inventive. Imaginative and concise. All the words flowed together as you showed me the different cats and their quirks.

Among other things I like about anniversary reviews, they often introduce me to authors I've never met. This evening was a lovely surprise. Thank you.

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249

#4534461

Review of Uncle Lion

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hi Bob. Nixie here.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM

What? No bio filled out? Since your writing is near impeccable, I found something for you to do. I tried to find a story that called to me—one that hadn't been written so long ago. A year after WdC was born. Among the many, this one stood out. Not from the title, and not from the brief description. General curiosity?

You write with word economy and unusual descriptors. I realize a review after all these years may be pointless. It's your own fault.

Although I anticipated a boring story to skim, I don't know. You cast a net over my brain and pulled me in?

One wish. Less past tense verbs. Less instances of [was].

I unearthed a favorite sentence! Uniquely descriptive.
And Mercer thought she belonged there as much as the maple tree.

Oops

His buddy Hawk had telephoned last night from there favorite watering hole,
their

No only had the second hand stopped moving
Not

"I think you’re a little young to be climbing trees
Missing period and ending quotation marks.

"Don’t know what your missing," he said.
you're

with Alan hot on it’s trail.
its

His face was crimson.
How does he know his face is crimson?

Oh, therej would be a dozen of ‘um
there

As he went out the front door he head Alan say,
heard

I suspect part, if not the majority, of the plot was written from first hand experience. No way someone who doesn't know kids would be able to write this. Oh, good grief, who can forget the (why?) stage.

Absolutely engaging read.

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250

#4534350

Review of Wheel of Fortune

for entry "February 19, 2020"

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi Ridinghood. It's Nixie again. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020"

I'm struggling with this. Here's the definitions of 'resile' I found.

recoil, retract especially : to return to a prior position resile from an agreement.
oxford dictionary

To spring back; rebound; resume the original form or position, as an elastic body.
wiki

It sounds to me like 'whatever' (in this case a person) has to be in one position to recoil or return. So if the subject is waking up in the dark, she can't resile the light. Wouldn't she have to be in the light and from there she can resile. Tough word to work with.

What about more unique words, other than dark and deep?

I know how hard 24 syllables can be.

I liked the last line the most because we do have to keep an open mind to receive. For me, I can be in the light or the dark to find wisdom.

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