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3,273 Public Reviews Given
3,312 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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for entry "Slippery When Wet" 
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Intuey. Nixie here, dropping off a review for "I Write in 2020" 

I like reading blog entries because the words come from the heart. It's also a wonderful vehicle for people to meet one another.

Such a sad, heartbreaking story. I'm still trying to picture your house after the truck hit it. Totally bizarre.

You have a friendly voice, inviting readers into your 'home'. I relate well to this as I have awful times behind me, but I'm a mom of 3 adult children. And I have 3 grandchildren.

Also, I stopped in Georgia for a bit while I got my feet under me and then moved to Florida. What a coincidence.

Good advice. Focus on the positive and move forward.

~Nixie *Smile*

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Review of Thief  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Myles! Random review dropped me in your port again.

The title and brief description work for the hook, although I liked the brief description better than the title.

I enjoy stories that begin with explosive dialogue. It sets the mood immediately, and maybe the reader's heart skipped a bit in anticipation. Both characters' names appeared in the beginning, and the relationship between them was established. *Checkg*

Kate sounded so patient while Mick ranted. Until she finally had the chance to get a word in! Mick sure liked that screwdriver. He had his name engraved on it.

Which made the twist that much more surprising. The dialogue flowed easily and naturally. I had to laugh at Kate, who knew what was going on from the beginning.

I thank you for the larger font and generous spacing. Most times, squinting is involved. Great write for flash fiction! Concise and fun to read. My plots are usually convoluted. I need to work on thinning them down. That's what these type of contests teach. You gave me a good example to learn from. *Bigsmile*


Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
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Review of Thief  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Myles! Random review dropped me in your port again.

The title and brief description work for the hook, although I liked the brief description better than the title.

I enjoy stories that begin with explosive dialogue. It sets the mood immediately, and maybe the reader's heart skipped a bit in anticipation. Both characters' names appeared in the beginning, and the relationship between them was established. *Checkg*

Kate sounded so patient while Mick ranted. Until she finally had the chance to get a word in! Mick sure liked that screwdriver. He had his name engraved on it.

Which made the twist that much more surprising. The dialogue flowed easily and naturally. I had to laugh at Kate, who knew what was going on from the beginning.

I thank you for the larger font and generous spacing. Most times, squinting is involved. Great write for flash fiction! Concise and fun to read. My plots are usually convoluted. I need to work on thinning them down. That's what these type of contests teach. You gave me a good example to learn from. *Bigsmile*


Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
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Review of Kelli  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Arakun. Nixie here with an anniversary review.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



All your stories are worthy of a read and review, but horror scares me. *Laugh* I'm happy to have found a story that made me happy.

Maybe because I'm a mom and have three grandchildren, stories with kids have a special place in my heart. I liked Kelli and her dramatic entrance. The mom asked all the right questions.

Favorite sentence
She said the word "boy" as if she were saying "cockroach".

Punctuation slipped your mind. Since there's no direct dialogue, quotation marks are not used. The placement of the period would have been a lot easier if it were dialogue. The period after the ['] looks weird, because all punctuation has to be inside the quotation marks.

She said the word 'boy' as if she were saying 'cockroach'. *Confused*
Or...you could use italics.

All your characters were vivid in my mind, and I could see the scene playing out.

Great write from 2007 *Shock2*

~Nixie

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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there! Nixie here dropping off an anniversary review.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



I wasn't positive I could read this entire story. I kept thinking, go back now, stop reading. Your plot grabbed me from the first because I have an affinity with trees. Often, I think how wise they must be, standing still for hundreds of years, absorbing emotions and actions. You did a wonderful job showing my feelings. And the characters'.

The story was sad from the beginning because it began in the past. The brief description also alerted the reader. I like your character and the way she expresses herself. From watching medical shows *RollEyes* I felt her pain from the skin grafting. I wondered if she really was the damaged girl she saw, or if that was only her perception. Probably the scarring was the truth.

In the end, the reader learned she'd been scarred in a place that won't heal. No wonder that woman can't move on. I'd like to encourage her, but her despair was all too real.

The first paragraph read a bit rough, due to all the passive verbs.

dreams and ideas would [flow] like streams of cool water. I could fill notebooks with magical words, [flowing] effortlessly into poems and stories.

Hmm. same words too close together.

Treasures don't last forever. Even trees. *Sad*

Beautiful images of her sitting on the quilt breathed life into the sad story. That is my take-away. I'll remember that tree before the fire, and I'll remember the girl, and I'll try to forget the woman and the conclusion. (a tiny bit predictable.)

Nice write!


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Review of Haste And Hurry  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there! Nixie dropping by with an early anniversary review.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



Lovely cover art, a descriptive brief, excellent title. It's all the hook I need!

Wow, what an energetic and frenzied poem. The mood is a busy one, with all the leaves in action. Excellent word choices. I'm not sure how you came up with all those verbs that fit together, stanza after stanza. With the (ing) endings for every first line the poem carried me away like the wind!

I also noticed the last line of every stanza rhymes with all the others? I'm thinking this is a specific form of poetry. Surely, it must have been a challenge to write. I googled the rhyming scheme for reference, but nothing I saw seemed to fit.

Overall, what a lovely piece that captures the season coming and going. *Smile*




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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Kewpie doll. (I picked that name up from your bio. I've always wondered.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



Now you've gone and done it. *Laugh* I understand the meaning of this story, it's supposed to be scary. But in reality, some people think of cats in this manner. So, good choice for this contest. *Checkg*

Honestly, I didn't want to keep reading this. I have a half-feral black cat rescued from a parking lot. She's never been vicious like this cat, only frightened. She's much better now.

The way you wrote this made me feel those claws going into my legs. You effectively created a fear of this animal. How could it hurt an injured housemate? (The action made perfect sense.) Why didn't the family know the other cat was sick? Yes, I know it's just a story. But it seems so real.

The plot flowed smoothly, but I couldn't help wondering if it was too repetitious. The clawing, the hiding. I waited for some other evil action, but can't think of what that might be. Adding in the dog helped.

Sorry, but I resent that family for trying to strike the animal. See how much I related to your story? Nicely done.

In the end, the family had to be rid of Midnight. My goodness, that cover art is terrifying. Anyhow, congrats for winning the contest! A well-deserved win!


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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there. Nixie here, dropping off a Superpower review for your anniversary.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



Okay, so in my head I've been composing a 'Dear Me' letter for 2020. I never imagined writing one this way, I had only bullet points in mind.

Your letter to yourself was full of compassion and encouragement. I liked the kindness you allowed for yourself, understanding what you've been through and the obstacles you'd like to overcome. Now it's 2020, I wonder if anything worked out for you. We never do see what's coming at us.

I read the mention of losing your sister, and I almost flipped over to reading that piece instead. But I lost my sister in 1983. She was only thirty years old. I've never recovered from the shock, but, well, I'm tearing up. I'll always miss her. I didn't expect the pain to ever let go of me, but finally it has. Funny, before the pain faded, she'd pop into my head once in a while. Now she's gone, and I can't get her back. Same as you, I've written about her, and that helps.

Anyhow, I thought I'd share that story with you, since we have it in common. And I hope my words haven't exacerbated the memories of her.

Thanks to you, I've had a chance to express myself, and you've inspired me, should I decide to write a letter to myself. I'd most likely come down really hard on myself, which has always been my way.

You take care, now.
~Nixie





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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Mara. I don't think I've ever drifted across your portfolio. I'm Nixie, here with an anniversary review.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*


Through the years I've reviewed some fabulous stories. But wow! I forgot how a superlative story read.

First, allow me to express my admiration for the way your story was composed. The sentences were never dull, only informative, moving the plot along, while showing us Jude. A perfect example of show vs. tell.

Right from the beginning, we see Trinity with all its woes. Never have I heard the line about no train tracks running through a city. When I read that, I knew Jude was doomed. She'd already lost so much, and then she lost her residence.

What a smooth transition from POV to the brothers talking to each other. The line break/divider helped.

As we entered Garrett's story, a different type of emotion prevailed. Happiness between brothers. Garret's impending future.

Honestly, I had no hope for a happy ending. I guess Garrett and (mostly) Jude left behind the parents' judgement.

One question about this sentence
Sloughing a trembling hand over his handsome features
[Sloughing] has negative implications. Were you going for the opposite, because with the mention of [handsome] the sentence becomes ironic.

So many emotions were evoked. Sadness, humor, anger, despair, and finally, joy.

Thanks for the read. Happy Anniversary!


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Review of One Man's Junk  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Genipher! Nixie here. I found your story tucked away in my draft reviews.

From beginning to end summary
Nothing explosive about the title. A bit trite.

Sometimes I begin a story by reading the conclusion first. I also read magazines from the middle out.

So, in this manner, I wondered, at the end, who Tammy was. I searched the story and found one reference to her. I think a bit more about her needs to be included.

Hot spots I liked
Expressive images filled my mind as the story wound around Jemmry's vivid description (finally an alien I could visualize) and David's knowledge of how this species bartered. High five for the setting: smells (the cigar) sound (glass breaking and more) sight (Jemmey). These important factors brought the story to life.

Differences in the boy's outlook on life effectively showed each personality.

The best part for me was David trashing Jemmry's store. *Laugh* The holy shroud of Mork'n'Mindy? Hilarious.

Questions or comments
As mentioned above, I would have liked to learn more about Tammy so I wasn't asking questions when I read the last line.

The end of everything
An AI popped out of what looked to be a hologram and took on a solid form? MY type of sci-fi. But spiders? There's not a big enough weapon to keep me on that ship.

Thanks for the concise and adventurous read!




The past is the present is the future
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Review of Panda-monium  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Ken. Nixie here, landing on your portfolio, as I often do.


*Baretree3*
The Hook
Haha. A reviewer has to take a serious look at the title and brief description, otherwise it looks like what one would expect to see. "Pandemonium" and a 'very' serious commotion.

*Baretree3*
A closer look
I like how the story began with a character and a question. Then, I got to the 'towering height' and knew I'd been immersed in a total 'Ken' experience. You must have a heart full of joy, since you never make a misstep in your meanderings. Every word has a purpose. None are wasted.

The scene was sketched out completely, nicely done with a limited word count. I missed one example, so most likely I'm the one who's confused.
I was thinking 'Kung-Fu' should be Kung Fur.

Both 'characters' are clearly defined, and certainly well-read. And what kind of a reviewer would I be if there were no high-fives for using and explaining 'Syung'?

*Baretree3*
Emotions evoked
I've never been a bear and can't relate to the 'characters', so I enjoyed all the intentional 'misspells' and play on words.


*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
Once again, I leave your port behind looking like this. *Bigsmile* or possibly this *RollEyes* *Laugh*



Love this image from Brooke! Personal signature

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Review of Circle: Chapter 1  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Vjay. Nixie here, flipping through random reviews and landing in your port!

*Ornament1B*
Mostly I was confused, but the message was there. The only constant in the universe is change, and in this chapter, that change means death.

*Ornament1B*
The beginning didn't make much sense to me. The opening sentence, your chance to hook a reader, is a run-on, with no spacing between words.

A hall full of people doing what? Mourning him? And why be upset if no one is crying [her] heart out?? No guys around to be sad?

Seems the narrator is dead and having a bit of fun in his altered state. Why will he only be famous for 14 more days?

*Ornament1B*
If the font size was increased, and more spacing was used between sentences, this would be much easier to read. *Checkg*

I saw several misspells and grammatical errors. If you read this aloud to yourself, the mistakes will be evident. Really, it works!

If a reviewer points out all the errors, an author might be discouraged. I don't want that to happen. I'm sure you can clear this up on own.

The last line brought a smile. *Smile*

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363
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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Neva. Nixie here, flipping through random review and landed in your port!

*Ornament1B*
What a unique poem you have here. The title was a little weak, but the brief description and content more than made up for that. And, the title is used in the poem, something I like. A sense of thoroughness, perhaps?

*Ornament1B*
You hooked me by line one, and stanza by stanza the suspense mounted. I like the words carefully chosen. No need to rhyme them. (maybe) That's the only thing that interrupted the flow. I caught a few rhymes and kept looking for more.

*Ornament1B*
I'm embarrassed to say I had to look up the meaning of will-o'-the-wisp. But when I did, the word brought the poem to a higher level of meaning. She's more than a ghost, a bit creepier by using that word. Well done!


*Ornament1B*
Me? I look for symmetry in poems, an even balancing of lines. The length of the first line matches the length of the seventh line in stanza two. Add in the first line of stanza four, and there's a bit of symmetry.


*Ornament1B*
Punctuation is inconsistent, which is the author's privilege. You're a fantastical poem/prose writer, so I'm just throwing this out there. I was taught no punctuation or consistent punctuation. I wonder if prose would be a better category than poem.

I liked the dreadful, chilly last line. It wraps up the work, leaving the reader with a sense of vengeful satisfaction.

Since words are in bold, I'm assuming this was for a contest. None of the required words felt forced or i-ll-fitting, other than the uneven stanzas and lines.

Overall~ excellent work!

~Nixie

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Review of How I got Goldie  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Rhychus. Nixie here, landing on your story via read and review option.

*Candycaner*
Oh, that cover art could make me cry. Even though I don't like dogs because they stink. I liked the brief description because it sounded interesting, and could have meant anything. How shunning a wave matched with the cover art was a mystery I had to solve.

The rhymes all worked, relating more story than poem. The poem had an even cadence, the punctuation showing the way. *Thumbsup* The 4th line in the first stanza made me uneasy. It sounded as if this was the person responsible for killing something. Peeling out and blowing the horn sounds like someone obnoxious. Nice neighbors. *Smile*

*Candycaner* What a truly awful person who mistreated dogs. One time, someone killed my cat with their car and drove away. I guess they felt awful and escaping seemed the best solution for them.

So I approached the last few verses of your work with care. Surely some disaster was near. Had I paid attention to the title, I would have worried less. Not every person is willing to take in a stray or abused animal. (I have, several times.)

*Candycaner*
So, this contest entry isn't marked 'personal' or 'experience' but it sounded like your words came from the heart. From personal experience. I'm eternally grateful for people who care, people who are not haters. People who write like you.

~Nixie


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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Jeff. Nixie here, via the read and review option. How are you today. Half in or half out of that glass?

*Candycaner*
Well, you're out of the closet now! I've often thought the same way. I go from 0 to 50,000, the present and the absolute inconceivable worst outcome. It's funny to me. What I've learned is to live with no expectations. It's a much easier life. That's not to say I'm depressed, rather rational. Yes, our brains can, often surprisingly, if we're not paying attention, create reality. That's a fact. We create our own worlds and anticipate the future.

*Heart* line that made me laugh:
(But, I think 'bad' has a better press agent.)

Uh-oh. Am I seeing double dashes not em-dashes? Big trouble there, Jace.

*Candycaner*
I have a doctor that I nick-named Dr. Z. If you've ever heard the expression, 'a man or woman hears hoof beats and thinks Zebra, not horse. That's my doctor. He always goes for the disaster, ordering needless tests. He's being careful. I can say that if this is a day to be kind.

*Candycaner*
Mr. Closet *Laugh* you've made a strong case for your outlook on life. At one time it made sense to me, as well.

Living with no expectations frees a person. As my mom says, 'to each his own'

And look, I'm still smiling. How novel to present your line of thinking for members to read. I couldn't have done that, except now I just have. *Rolleyes*

I enjoyed the write, even though I had to squint to read the letters.

~Nixie


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Review of Hooked  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Ken. Nixie, here. The read and review option brought me over to your 'corral'. *Laugh*

*Candycaner*
What struck me first was the cover art. Wow, what a perfect picture for this story. The title could have meant anything. The brief description sketched it out. I've known people who have to make decisions like that. I wondered what Cody would do. In the end, that wasn't the conflict as stated. His family sounded like they had no problem with his bull riding.

'Cowboy perfume' *Laugh* I like the smell of horses.

*Candycaner*
trying to get [] caged behemoth into position.
missing word? [the]

No idea what [rosined] meant, and I couldn't find a definition that fit the theme. Maybe it's a rodeo word. I found [rosin] but that made no sense either.

*Candycaner*
I've been to one rodeo, and judging from this story, written authentically, I think you've seen a few more. The descriptions rang true, but I'll admit to disappointment when Cody was disqualified. Just the same as in real life. We don't always succeed. The point is to keep going, and that's exactly what Cody planned on.

So funny, the kids and mom running up to him. A delightful conclusion, even if the brief description didn't make sense to me. I thought maybe he'd call his wife, and she would be on the verge of leaving him.

Oh well. What do I know? *Laugh*

~Nixie


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Review of The Sale  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Jacky.

*Candycaner*
The title didn't specifically draw my interest, and the brief description offered no clues as to content. However, I'm amazed by authors who can write flash fiction and make it work. Plot, setting, character, conflict, all of it. *Shock2*

*Candycaner* The story opened with a conflict, allowing the reader to investigate further. Swift action ensued, but still the mystery remained. I wanted to know where all the rushing and running about would lead. And what could getting her hair fixed solve? More mystique beckons. Great job showing us the store and the crowds. Sharon is close to desperation. I felt the panic and determination to achieve her goal.

I wasn't sure who to root for when the woman and Sharon both grabbed the coveted item at the same time. I wanted Sharon to have it, because I understood her character. This new woman had no importance to me. Yet.

What a lovely woman to acquiesce and hand over the dryer to Sharon. Another surprise and a big smile on my face when Sharon caught site of her appearance.

*Candycaner*
I noticed more than one instance of the word [finally] being used in close proximity.
Something to be avoided, as the word loses meaning.

I'd also suggest using the passive verb [was] so often in the story. This occurs when the subject receives the action.

*Ornament1r*
Excellent job completing the story arc. It began with spilled coffee and ended the same, in addition to a startling visual of Sharon.

Funny and engaging read!

~Nixie


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368
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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Dawn. I'm landing on your portfolio via the read and review option.

*Holly2*
Great title. Who doesn't want to peer into the workings of a troubled mind and listen to a shrink assist in ironing out troublesome issues. How does it work? What are the benefits? The brief description is accurate and helpful.

*Holly2*
In 2012, when this was last edited, coming out was still a questionable confession. A silly one to me, other than divulging this secret to parents who may be shamed.

I enjoyed following the character's train of thought to the final conclusion. It all made sense to me. I enjoyed being 'clued in' to his thinking. The story lent itself to a personal level. Even outside a therapist's office, we often talk about innocuous topics before letting go.

*Holly2*
One question? Why is Year's possessive? New Year and a Shrink works. Or New Year's Shrink? Okay, I'm going away now.

Hands down, the last line was my favorite. It wrapped up the loose ends, and reminded the reader of the character's awareness of time passing.



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Review of The River  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hi Patrick, please do not be discouraged by this review. You've been a member for only 2 days. Something to consider. Why not fill out your bio, when you feel like it? Any reviewer would appreciate knowing if there were any reasons for this confusing quick write.

*Holly2*
I'm leaving a short and to the point review. Have you edited this at all? At first, I planned on helping you with a few sentences, but the entire piece had so many issues it needs to be rewritten. Your vision does not show the reader much. Try reading this to yourself. It helps when editing.

*Holly2*
Concerning the plot. What was the significance of the blood? Why didn't Sara tell the police officer what happened? Why did the man bump into her? The plot dropped.

*Holly2*
Despite the confusion, I took a liking to the officer and wished Sara had a way to continue seeing him.

Last thoughts. I would add some more paragraphing so this is an easier read. I think you've got something going here. It's worth the effort of editing and expanding. So many questions left unanswered, a story could well spring from this first attempt.

The title and brief description clue the reader. As I encouraged, there's a story here, in your mind. Time to set it free. *Smile*

You may like to meet up with other new members here:
"Noticing Newbies" 

~Nixie


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Nixie ~ Chandra Charmer
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#1300305 by Maryann



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Review of Pines  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Beholden. Nixie here, exploring the read and review option. It was my pleasure and good fortune to land on this poem. *Smile*

*TreeCypress*
Wow! I'm sitting here wondering if I should cry. This is your experience, but the theme resonated deep within me. It brought to mind my musings on trees, one of my favorite topics to ponder and dream about.

Double wow! for the opening stanza, just in case a reader is unsure. Your magical words are irresistible, and the musing continues in the same unique way, with precise word choices.

*TreeCypress*
The title is simple, the brief description a bit bland. If you're so inclined, you might want to visit this again. Pines ensnared me due to my passion for the topic. But the emotional value of these words is downplayed without editing.

*TreeCypress*
So kind of you to avail the reader with a bit of history and explanation at the end.

Exceptional write!

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#1300305 by Maryann


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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Haberak. Nixie here. I found your synopsis via the read and review option.


*Ornament1r*
Everyone has to start somewhere, and you've written a generalized peek preview along with a brief description of where the plot is headed. Interesting technique.

Enticing title! The word [and] as the first word set this apart from any similar title. How can I express my thoughts? Clever? Different? Good thinking? You get the idea. *Wink* Smart. For one reason, I spent a long time pondering that title.

The first sentence struck me as unusual, with the word [was] at the end of the phrase. This style definitely shouts fantasy. The paragraph held my attention due to the uniqueness. I'm not a fan of this type of fantasy, but for those who enjoy it, you're drawing them in. *Checkg*

*Ornament1r*
What struck me in the 2nd paragraph was the overabundance of 'will'. I understand you're asking yourself these questions for later reference, or as initial thoughts to help keep you on track. For the reader, it's a bit tedious. Remember, if you've posted this you're asking for reviews. You want tip-top writing to impress.

*Ornament1r*
Are you including links to what you've written so far? Using read and review option, the reviewer doesn't see anything else in your port. That's why I'm suggesting including links.


I like the idea of requesting a person for cover art. One oops.
I need help with a cover [as]
[cover art]

With this small sample, the rating is difficult to determine. According to The StoryMistress average on this website is accurate. That's why I chose this rating.

As a new member, you might want to click over here and meet a few new writers.
FORUM
Noticing Newbies  (13+)
A warm welcome to our newbies; come meet new and not-so-new members of Writing.Com!
#126963 by The StoryMistress


Enjoy the journey. Grit your teeth while processing all the editing sure to follow as you write. *Headbang* *Laugh*

~Nixie

A girl with a horse in the snow? Holidays are here!


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Review of Soul Drinkers  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Will. Nixie here. I found your story using the read and review option.


*Ornament1r*
Are you kidding me? I doubt sleep will come easily tonight. I used to have nightmares of three cloaked figures appearing at the foot of my bed. Seriously. They simply hovered and glared, scaring me nearly to death. And I couldn't move or scream. I lay powerless, until one night I vanquished them. Luckily, they didn't want my soul, whatever that obscure word means.

*Ornament1r*
The title sounded disgusting, and for some reason, I'm drawn to darkness this evening. I appreciated the brief description, but kind of wished it was more vague.

The similes and descriptions rang true and unique, lending the story not only a more precise feel, but also made it that much creepier. As if each word had been chosen deliberately, and the reader (me) had no choice but to swallow them. That's some seriously awesome writing.

Did the scene with Shelby have to be so disturbing? *Sick* So visual and gross. Incredibly strong writing. *Thumbsup*


*Ornament1r*A few thoughts.

As she stared at the dark, creatures in robes,
No comma after dark

until they both had drank their [filll].
[fill]

but the cows rammed into the man and knocked him back out of the way.
I thought they were vaporous figures who passed through doors, not solid entities.

I have to try and put this out of my head, Will. It was well worth the read, though.

The chilling ending effectively sickened and devastated me.


A girl with a horse in the snow? Holidays are here!


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#1300305 by Maryann


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373
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Review of Web of Lies  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Dorianne. I found your poem/prose using the read and review option.


*Ornament1r*
'clever and unique

I liked the title, and after reading your work, I understood how accurate that title was.

Great idea to specify in the brief description that this poetry had nothing to do with the 'real' Spiderman. It's obvious though these words have no connection whatsoever to the one mentioned.

*Ornament1r*
How I wish I didn't relate to this work. I've fallen for this type of guy so many times I no longer trust myself. Life alone works for me. I never, ever, want to fall into this trap again. How do they always find me? Maybe I exude loneliness as mentioned in one of the lines.

Clever to describe both the long and the shorter strands. Unique.

*Ornament1g*

you really cared for me once.

Do you need the [really] in this line? She's already stated that he proclaimed to love her. Is caring is a different emotion than loving? Yes, that's me being awkward around this vague thing we call love.

*Right* That's one reason why I docked the 1/2 point. Also, the presentation could be shown in a different way. The lines are not balanced, and it looks as if the work is about to topple over. And I would put a space between Web of Lies at the top and the first line of the prose.

My only wish is that the woman had found a way to stop this man, or at least leave hope that no other woman would be his prey. She left it at 'woe be to the next' rather than something like she hopes a horrible woman ensnares him.

Strong finish, though. And satisfactory in its own way. I felt a shiver of delight when she renounced him. Mr. Spiderman. *Star*


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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi James. Nixie here. I found your story using the read and review option.


*Ornament1r*
Remarkable write! Great descriptors and character development.

First, I have to say the title drew me in as much as the brief description. The story is correctly identified so I was prepared to read something upsetting. The only thing I would change in the title is to not capitalize [AND]. Then again, you might have wanted that for emphasis.

*Ornament1r*
Great setup in the first paragraph. And from there the story is disturbing, but somewhat predictable. With so many shows on television, some plots seem overdone.

Julian's description did him justice. It left no doubt in the reader's mind this guy was psychotic. I wondered if the sentence about the African trophies was necessary. It's a bit of a run-on sentence when you don't want the reader interrupted or confused. I think most of us know murderers keep souvenirs.

EXCEPT-that's part of the title. Maybe there's a way to shorten that one sentence, or make it two.

*Ornament1r*
A few passing comments

'dripping cold wet tendrils passed his collar,down his back.

Picky? The word [passed] broke my concentration. I had to think about it, never a good thing. I wish an alternate word would come to mind.

and prey [it's] only inhabitants.
[its'] not it's, contraction for > it is

"Sorry Hon, didn't mean to spook ya"
missing period


All in all, an awfully sick story, as it should be. In the last part the POV switches from Julian's to the waitresses'. He can't possibly know what she's thinking.

You detailed the description of the waitress so well, it felt as if I was sitting there at the table. Very convincing.

Disgusting conclusion which effectively gave me the creeps. Nicely done!


A girl with a horse in the snow? Holidays are here!


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375
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Review of Transformation  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there! Nixie here. I was browsing the read and review tab and saw your story.

*Holly2*
Interestingly, the subtle title and cryptic brief description drew me in. Great hook! No plot summary, the reader has to extract the plot and decide how they feel. That's my favorite type of introduction.

*Holly2*
Once lured in, the first paragraph was weird and kind of funny. More odd than anything else.

I read the whole story and didn't come away feeling much of anything. We have a normal man with something unidentifiable going on in the morning. Then we have to sit behind the desk with him and do absolutely nothing of interest.

...put on a suit with a matching shirt, and tie.
Oops, no comma necessary between shirt and tie.

*Holly2*
And then the big reveal at the end. I liked the last few paragraphs, when things began to change. Action! Except the story concludes without satisfaction or explanation. Nothing has happened. We're not enlightened.

*Right* *Shock2* I noticed this was written for a contest with a limited word count and won HM. That's something to be proud of. And another consideration, I didn't know what a "Grim Blunt" contest is. It's possible this story was precisely what the prompt called for. It's definitely grim and blunt! So, perhaps success?

Now I'm thinking, maybe the contest notation should be at the top of the story? Then no one else would say boring.

When I have something written a few years ago, I may not go back and edit. I take what I learned and move on. *Wink*

Thanks for the read!



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Nixie ~ Chandra Charmer
Overwatch Guardian
GROUP
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Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



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