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3,620 Public Reviews Given
3,659 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's, comedy
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
*Bulletb* XGC, *Bulletb* Items that are written in a small font with little or no spacing, *Bulletb* I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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176
176
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, StephBee I found your item while cruising through random reviewing.

*Vine1*
The unusual title and brief description brought me to a screeching halt. I knew your story would be 'a must read'.

At first glance, I considered the possibility of an unreliable narrator. The statement was broad in scope, akin to 'all men who live here drink black coffee'. This initial niggle was clarified as the plot opened. The excellence of the coffee was well known.

First person POV stories are my favorites because we can 'hear' the MC's thoughts. I enjoyed the combination of intrigue, action, adventure, and humor. Before reading this, I'd never thought of the shape of coffee beans. Now I have to wonder if it's true. Also, the silly name Miztypoo (and no laughing at me allowed) prompted me to run a Google search.

*Vine2*
When the woman brought food to Clyde, I was certain she would reveal him as a smuggler, or steal the coffee. I was wrong, and the adventure began.

Since Bonnie had already spoken of the need for perfume, why would she later say, 'just in case'? Were the guards less likely to suspect they were smugglers?

Oops
See Grosenwitz, is snuggled
comma splice

“Perfume?” She suggested.
she suggested.

*Vine1*
Coffee outlawed? The desire of the dictator's son and the fact that Bonnie knew about it tickled my fancy. She must have seen more than a few attempts.

The smashing conclusion left me with a smile. Yours was a wonderful story that answered the prompt in a unique way. Most imaginative and impressive.

Respectfully reviewed by,
Nixie

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And
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177
177
Review of Aunt Mozelle  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi G. B. Williams Nixie here. I found your item through the 'read and review' option

*Buttonb*
I intend to review your personal story with a tender heart. I'll approach it gently. Although there are technical issues that could be discussed, I won't do it.

*Buttonb*
I had an aunt who was a mother to me. I won't say 'better' than my mother, but more endearing. She died years ago, and, honestly, before I read your story, I'd forgotten her. While my mom was controlling and overprotective, my aunt was a free spirit who helped me grow into an adult. I had to keep secrets from my mom, though. She would throw a conniption fit if she knew what my aunt allowed.

*Buttonb*
One part of being respectful of your work is not asking questions. My dad said if someone wanted me to know something, they would tell me. Obviously, you didn't want to specify your aunt's disability, though I'll admit to curiosity. And I wondered who she was grieving for that ended in her death.

*Buttonb*
I suggest beginning this piece with the sentence "My Aunt Mozelle..." and continue from there. Also, in that sentence, (Aunt) is mistyped (Aung).

The last sentence, as worded, is unclear in meaning. It seems to suggest that some people had other opinions about her.

If you're wondering about the 4 star rating, it's rated that way because of the tech issues I alluded to.

It's not often I stumble over a piece where a writer bares their soul. I see this as a testament to love. I'm sure your aunt is watching over you, and she's smiling.


~Respectfully,
Nixie

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Review of LOVE  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Kim Nixie here. I found your item by scrolling through 'read and review.'{/center}


*Boothb*
Welcome to our wonderful website!

I think you'll notice in a short time that this is a writing community. What you've written looks like a social media post. The spelling is incorrect. The grammar is incorrect. The punctuation is inconsistent. A larger size font would help a reviewer. I don't know why everything starting with the word 'treasure' is greyed-out.

(You) is not spelled u.

*Boothb*
Somewhere in that block of text is a piece or two of wisdom. Many members would enjoy reading about your personal observations. But the work has to look somewhat professional. From there, writers go over to editing and polish their work.

*Boothb*
The best way to improve our writing skills is through reviewing others' work. You can look over Newsletters
https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/232...} for advice. You'll also find highlighted stories to read. I like the 'read and review' option because I'm immediately directed to works I want to review.

Please continue your stay with us and work on your writing. Everyone started somewhere. We have all levels of writers here, and all are welcome. *Smile*

~Respectfully,
Nixie

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179
179
for entry "Man on the Moon" Open in new Window.
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Jeff. Nixie here, reviewing "Man on the Moon" Open in new Window. for "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window.

Banner for Winter I Write


*Bulletb*
Okay, *Angelic* Jeff, other than wishing for a larger font, I can only say this work was flawless. Your writing 'voice' is excellent.

So what will you receive from me? My thoughts.

*Bulletb*
I'm terribly bitter about the whole space exploration issue.

One of my upsets involves the way humans are now only polluting and destroying our planet, but are now littering space with our junk. I've heard it's actually dangerous, or to a lesser degree, tricky, to evade space debris. It makes me sick to think about it.

We're the only creatures on earth who require anything other than natural to survive. I'll stop here, because what I'm writing may be offensive to some.

A bit of silly: If the first landing had happened in recent times, Armstrong would have had to say 'one small step of humankind'. Women are people too.

*Bulletb*
Please stop me from further espousing. Here I go again. A voice of dissent.

The last place we need to expand is in outer space. A conspiracy theorist may have said that we once occupied Mars. We killed that planet and moved to earth, defining our existence as 'planet killers'.

Should I have been so opinionated in a review? Probably not, but I've already written it. I'm not disdainful, in any way, of your thoughts. I rather enjoyed the read.

Your last paragraph impressed me the most. The wording and the thoughts were eloquent. If I triggered something unpleasant for you, my apologies.

Respectfully reviewed by,
~Nixie
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Review of Collaboration Day  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Words Whirling 'Round. Nixie here. I found your work via the read and review option.

*BookStack*
I have a weird fascination for dystopian stories, probably it stems from the state of the world. I embraced your story and enjoyed the experience.

*Bookstack*
Your story isn't entirely fictional. Most sci-fi has an element of politics, and the one described here is familiar, but even more intrusive than most imagine.

If we're speaking of AI, then we're already under attack. Privacy is an illusion. I know my phone 'listens' to conversations, crazy as that sounds. One day, I was talking to a friend, and the word turmeric was discussed. The next day, an ad for turmeric appeared on my Newsfeed. And that's only one example.

*Bookstack*
I have a question. Are the 'camps' for those who go against AI enforced doctrines? Is there an internment limit set? I'm asking because that was my assumption when I read that those who volunteered never went back, indicating that the time spent suffering was forever.

Referring back to the cover art. At first I wondered why a vinyl record was used. Now I'm thinking it represents an AI's eye.

Information was tightly packaged with precise words. The reader sees a fully developed society, correctly written in a 'show don't tell' style.

Americans will most likely elect a felon for president, or be so discouraged some may not even vote. We already have politicians in place who have made laws that control our freedom. As expressed in your conclusion, kids growing up now will never know what true freedom meant in days gone past. And it makes me sick.

An excellent 'fiction' story that tells a believable scenario. Great job writing this unique creation.


Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
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181
181
Review of I Love You  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Fyn. Nixie here. I found your item via the 'read and review' option.

*Dragonflyy*
I cut short my perusing when your poem showed up. I wasn't sure if the bold print was a distraction or a style used for easier reading. In the end, I was happy that I didn't have to squint.

*Dragonflyy*
Now...for the real review...Your poem struck close to my heart because I feel exactly the same way. I never forget to say those words before I hang up on a call, or say goodbye to someone endeared to me. And I say those words for exactly the same reason as expressed here. What if it is the last time I spoke to that person?

Years ago, my aunt told me about a tragedy involving her dad. They'd fought over something trivial, and later in the day he died at an early age due to a heart attack. She never forgave herself.

My mom gave me this nugget of wisdom. "Never let the sun go down on an argument."

*Dragonflyy*
I'm sort of going backwards here because I forgot to comment on the formatting of the lines. The prose almost seemed to form some specific shape, but not quite. It reminded me of the way love can present itself. Somewhat formed, yet readily adaptable to mesh with another person. I hope that doesn't sound like nonsense. I typed the words without thinking too much.

The prose is straightforward with no undu fuss. It conveys a message that is easily relatable.

Respectfully,
Nixie
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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182
182
Review of The Dream Car  Open in new Window.
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi brom21 Nixie here. I found your item while cruising along the 'read and review' option.



*Baretree3*
I can imagine this plot taking off from the first paragraph. Rather than listing reasons, the narrator can comment while showing the car Camaro cruising.

There were two themes complimenting each other. One was about the car, the other about his relationship with his sister, which was portrayed as a fondness for each other. The surprise was revealed in the conclusion.

I noticed many sentences composed with the word was. The word can be either passive or active, depending on how it is used. In active sentences, the subject is the verb. And the character is in action.
Daisy was cleaning the windows. vs. Daisy cleaned the windows. (cleaned is an active verb).

*Baretree3*
A bit of Tracy's life was explored, but nothing of interest until she mentioned UFOs, a foreshadowing of the conclusion.

Rather than talk about the car, some action could include the brother and sister driving around in it.

I was hoping for a more definitive conclusion. John was annoyed that he would have to save up again, but the conclusion had no wow! power.


~Respectfully reviewed by
Nixie

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183
Review of A Few Questions  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Detective. I'm cruising through 'read and review' and have chosen your item to review.

*Books6*
This is one crazy and entertaining story. I can't decide who was the stronger character. The naturally inquisitive detective, or the naked man. I certainly hope the officer could avert his eyes, or handover his jacket to cover up the idiot guest.

*Books6*
In the beginning, the dialogue carried the plot, creating a visual scene that I didn't care to picture in my head. The back and forth interview between the detective and the guy worked well. Sometimes the answers were simple, creating one line paragraphs.

The meat of the story was revealed in two large paragraphs of text. The story looked off-balance, but I've done the same a few times. When that happens to me I'm frustrated, especially if I can't see a way around it, or I'm limited by a w/c and turnaround time for a contest.

Once the reason for the hotel stay was explained, the rest of the plot held together. The guy's explanation wasn't in the least bit plausible, and I guess that's how the detective decided to treat the incident. I wondered if the officer had been privy to similar situations. Although it wasn't specified, guests must have called in complaints.

The appearance of the wife mollified the officer, but it wasn't a particularly satisfying conclusion. Regarding the husband? My only thought is 'what a dummy'.

Respectfully reviewed by Nixie.

Damiana Matrix SPR

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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184
184
Review of Repellent  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jatog the Green I'm cruising through 'read and review' and have chosen your item to review.

*Books6*
Recently, I've been writing more poetry, but I've never tried writing in a specific form. I'd never heard of jazzonet, and apparently, Google doesn't know the term, either. After some continued searching, an item that was written here came up. That's where I found the definition. I still can't comment on adherence to the format, because even with the research, my brain is muddled.

*Books6*
What I can express is how much I agree with the theme presented here. Some people are simply toxic. At one time, I ventured to see only the good in others and that led to disasters still affecting my life today. A closed door is the ultimate answer, metaphorical or real.

*Books6*
After a few reads, I can see a bit of the form within. The repetition of phrases. If I had to choose my favorite line, it would be "hatred parries love of life" because of the precision of word choice. (parries).

I hit the jackpot when I landed on this prose. It expresses what I've learned in life. Unfortunately, although sometimes I like it, my life is solitary because I no longer trust anyone. Only my family. I'm better off alone. No one can hurt me, and I can't unintentionally hurt someone else. Isolation breeds a lack of understanding of others.

I have no idea where all of those comments came from. That's the magic of poetry/prose. Concise wording evokes specific reactions. Well done!

Damiana Matrix SPR
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185
185
Review of Infidelity  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Sleepy. Nixie here. I found your work via the read and review option.

*ZodiacTaurus*
To be honest, I'm surprised I read this story to the conclusion. The husband is a disgusting man, and child abuse is unforgivable. How can he possibly be so clueless and selfish? I guess one could say you made me effectively despise him.

And what does it say about his mistress? If he's so disgusting, all she requires of him is a shower? She doesn't care about his drunkenness?

*ZodiacTaurus*
It's important to separate each character's dialogues/actions with paragraphing. Start a new paragraph whenever a character is switched. The story needs extensive editing. Also, using a larger font size helps the reader.

*ZodiacTaurus*
I'll keep this review short because what was the point in finishing something that disturbed me so. I guess I was curious about how the story would end. Sort of like being unable to look away from a car crash.

Even though he lost both his wife and mistress, I wasn't satisfied that he received his just dues. Maybe I'm upset because he reminded me of my first husband who was always out of work and lying. He didn't like our kids, but he never physically hurt them. The man was a psychopath who died alone in his mid-sixties.

I can't imagine what experiences you may have endured that led to the writing of this story. It doesn't seem like the kind of plot that's entirely made up.

I wish you all the best in your continuing endeavors.

Dr Who and his Tardis

Respectfully,
Nixie

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186
186
Review of Silent Night  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Odessa Molinari Nixie here. I found your work via the read and review option.

*BookStack*
I imagined this poem in a farmland setting of times long past. I added in a vision of villagers singing 'bringing in the sheaves', as they harvested grain for storage. Or something like that.

*Bookstack*
I'm probably not the first to comment on the difficulty of reading the first letter in each line. The font color is too light. I had to squint, which detracted from the reading experience. In the last stanza, the final two lines were lost to me.

*Bookstack*
The opposing stanzas maximize the differences in seasons changing. I felt the cold of winter's bite and remembered the joy when I was a kid of seeing the first snowfall of the year. As winter progressed though, the snow banks turned black from road grit. Then, I was looking forward to spring.

Squinting and reading again and again, I finally was able to appreciate to the fullest the last two lines of the first stanza. I wish the same were true of the last two lines in the second stanza. No matter how closely I peered, the lines were invisible.

Consider using a larger font size.

It's obvious, considering your precise word choices, that you're an accomplished poet. Of course winter gives way to spring, but the way you expressed that was unique.

Funny aside: when the snow melted in the spring, all the neighborhood kids came to our house to reclaim their winter hats stolen by our family dog.

Free form prose has been appealing to me more and more. I'm always happy to come across an item like yours. Despite the difficulties, the prose was rich and full of life.

Respectfully,
Nixie

Reviewing your work was
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187
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi DyrHearte writes

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeB*



"The Mighty Steed " Open in new Window. was a mighty fine read, indeed.

The action began immediately, and the characters were established. I was thinking about my trail-riding days when we were going back down the mountain. I always released the reins and 'gave the horse his head'. He sure knew better than me how to navigate the rocky terrain.

This is my first time reading a story in the 'western' genre. The cowboy speech was authentic. I was surprised though that the mom spoke the same way.

"AHHHH, MAHM!
The story is fun and fancy-free, but I still prefer words without full caps and enlarged text.

Now, for my confession. Every once in a while, I read the end of the story before reviewing. It gives me a handle on what to expect, and also, if I will be able to write a good review.

My sometimes approach didn't really work against me. To put the story in context, it was easier to figure out what was going on.

I wonder what other readers will think of your surprise twist?

About the brief description: I didn't read it at first, but later I did. The word (unhuman) would have detracted from the unexpected.

Lovely story.

Respectfully,
~Nixie
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188
188
Review of The Mighty Pencil  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi two of four

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeB*



The name choice of the MC (Astrid) was an immediate indication of her age. I'm not in my 100's, and if I were, there would be no doubt in my mind that the world could be changed by any one person.

I wish I had Astrid's book.

What freaks me out is the concept that we create our own reality by what we're thinking. Or, the other saying that if we express our goal, the universe will conspire to satisfy us. (I've tried the universal theory, it doesn't work.) Why would the universe care about humans?

I liked how you drew out Astrid's plan. She saw no immediate results and that kept the story alive. And having her read that book time and again demonstrated her tenacity.

Astrid can recall her 5th birthday with clarity. I may be closing in on that age when old memories are more accessible than current ones. Not. Despite what I see in the mirror, I'm only 25 in my mind.

I'm reminded of my meditation practices. Every single tiny worry that's on my mind is written down before I begin. The list is titled 'forget', which most days includes 'WdC'. Like so many others, this is my second home, but like everything else in my life, I push myself too far.

Maybe Astrid is too old to show enthusiasm, but I expected a stronger reaction than simply making tea. She did hum as she walked to the kitchen, which was more realistic than what I had in mind.

A few comma oopses could be corrected, but nonetheless, I enjoyed reading your clever and unique story.


Respectfully,
~Nixie
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
An image for the Summer Raid


*Poseyv* Hi Jeff. Welcome to "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Summer Raid! *PoseyV*



*Star*What I liked the most. The twist in the end that I didn't see coming.

Conflict: The devil offered was beyond irresistible.

Setting: crystal clear The one paragraph description was precise and easily visualized. Great contrast~

Characters: Roland snapped up the opportunity without hesitation. He didn't even struggle with his mind to make the decision.

Devil: As expected and integral to the plot.

Personal observation. Once a person has seen how the 1 percenters live, well, I don't want to know. I'd be so unhappy if the wealth wasn't attainable. On the flip side, money is not tangible, it's an emotion, or state of mind. Those who have it worry about losing it, those who don't worry about not having enough.

Ronald's observation about his current financial was dismal, and, unfortunately true. I don't know if this is accurate, but someone told me that living in CA, missing one single paycheck could put a person back on the street.

*Checkg* The informative note you left at the bottom was a memory reminder.

Oh, the irony. Ronald has decided to live with the repercussions and then the story arc is completed. Excellent comedy.

I wasn't aware that the devil had people on a payroll. The thought has never occurred to me. You were very clever to add that detail. Who can wrong you? No one.

Thanks for the read, I enjoyed it.

Respectfully
Nixie
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Review of No Hair  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi busman Author IconMail Icon Nixie here. I found your work via the read and review option.

*BookStack*
My personal connection to this? I like bald men, if they have a nicely proportioned head. Also, I thought of a certain former president who turned down attending a rally because the wind would mess up his hair. He has alopecia.

*Bookstack*
I enjoyed reading this small poem that made me smile. I felt sorry for the guy. Women can hide a lot of imperfections with makeup and hair-styling i.e. extensions, but there's not much a man can do, unless he's okay with wearing makeup and some are.

*Bookstack*
A suggestion. Try adding the word (he) in the last line of the final stanza. His identity is implied, but I think he needs to be in that sentence. Adding that word wouldn't interrupt the flow.

*Bookstack*
I don't know why people include punctuation in the title. Maybe it's a force of habit. Unfortunately, that was the first thing that caught my eye and altered my overall assessment.

I do love reading a comedic piece.

When a w/c and l/c is specified, it leads me to believe this was written for a contest with restrictions. I'd like to know what contest. Could there be a link? I went back to the beginning to check the genres, and yes, this was a contest entry.

Going forward, it's a good idea to change the genres, if you have a piece that you would like to be nominated for a Quill. "Contest entry" is not a category.

Keep writing!


Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
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Review of The child within  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Valareos

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeB*



Congratulations for attempting to write a story using only 55 words. I've never tried, so good on you.

What I liked. The title, although all the words should be capitalized. A long time ago, a psychologist tried to explain that we all had a child within us, and that sometimes we should allow that child to come out and play. The concept never quite worked for me, so I wondered who the child would be in your story.

Identification: The poignant conclusion was powerful, yet I don't think you've been caught in the same illusion as I have. An inner child wouldn't have substance, so the reader is left to conclude that the child was a ghost. Maybe a child who was an angel protecting those who wanted to jump. Maybe the place where the MC wanted to jump was known for that reason. Maybe the angel/child stayed there to stop people. I don't know. Those are only my leaping thoughts.

What could be stronger? The beginning. The scene is not clearly established. If the MC is watching the ocean, I imagined them standing on a beach. However, the person was standing on the edge. Of what? Describing the scene with more precision would help, consider for example, beginning with the MC standing on a cliff, watching crashing waves below.

Personal note: My mom used to say something similar. I don't remember it exactly, but it was something like this. "God will never give you a heavier cross than you can bear." Throughout my life, I've learned that is not true, for me.

Use what helps and ignore the rest.

Respectfully,
~Nixie
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Review of Fire  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Genipher Nixie here, reviewing this item for "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window.

Banner for Winter I Write


*Bulletb*
Well, this is my first caveman story. I was impressed by the way you handled the dialogue. You didn't have much to work with, considering you only had caveman ughs.

*Bulletb*
I can imagine this as a modern day story, as if nothing has ever changed between men and women. Back and forward the dialogue goes, he wants/she wants, and they never agree. The conflict is different, and it's comical.

*Bulletb*
Now I'm trying to make sense of the conclusion. The fire came from the sun? And then the fire for some inexplicable reason, gets out of control. The wife and husband's argument and misunderstanding how the fire 'chases then' makes sense. But the husband, or mate, leaves his partner and with the problem and gets what he wanted in the first place.

I hope I did your story justice. With the unique plot and limitations, it was a challenge to write a review, but the story itself was great.

Respectfully,
~Nixie
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193
193
Review of Inevitable  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi April Desiree-I'm back!. It's nice to 'see' you again.

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At first glance, it seemed the prose was only one stanza. The vamoom word in the stanza was (bastardizing). I was immediately impressed and hoping for more.

Imagine my delight when I began scrolling. Each stanza described a different natural catastrophe with unique effects on humans. Each was wildly vivid and savage.

Your word choices were exquisite and impactful, and as I read my wonderment was built. All the violence. Where would it end, and what was the point? Other than the sheer appreciation of your writing skills, which was astronomical.

The spacing succinctly divided each event, so each stanza carried its own weight, none less disastrous than the other. This created a unique reading experience. The minimal punctuation stayed in the background, so to speak. It worked to guide the reader when necessary, but was otherwise subdued.

The concluding stanza brought all the prior stanzas together in an ah-ha revelation. I'm happy that my attention wasn't diverted by the cover art, which was a major clue as to the contents. I had more fun exploring in the dark.

Fantastic work.

Respectfully,
~Nixie
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194
194
Review of AM I BEAUTIFUL?  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Vick Rolling 🏳️‍🌈

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An urban legend story! Delightful.

You definitely picked the correct genre. Horror. What I read was disturbing and gross, which is the expected reaction. Even though I felt sick, I wanted the mystery unraveled.

The tension escalated as the sounds grew nearer, and yet still the mystery carried on without any revelation. It's been awhile since I've read a 'Covid 19' story. The virus hasn't been eradicated, and this theme may, unfortunately, prove timeless.

Upon reflection, the first sentence was a foreshadowing event. Front liners, such as nurses, were exhausted.

Nick's and Josh's relationship was shown as loving and caring. Both characters interested me. I felt as if the story was more plot-driven than shown through character progression. Nothing wrong with that, especially for this particular story. You established the relationship through fear of the unknown.

Question: The largest paragraph dominated the story, as opposed to the spacing of the dialogue. If the girl's apparent suicide didn't feel authentic to Nickole, I don't understand how it's related to the sentence that invoked the urban legend.

It (it? meaning what?) looked like the old Japanese urban legend about the smiling split-mouthed woman with the mask.

The girl looked like the split-mouthed woman?

As written: ...replies Nickole as he puts on a pair of grey joggers with an oversized hoodie.

This sentence gives me an opportunity to show what I learned a few weeks ago from a reviewer. Rather than a sentence tag, try this.

...Nickole puts on a pair of grey joggers with an oversized hoodie.

You presented a no-win scenario that was predictable. The story seemed like a short-cut to the jumping off place. I noticed this was a contest entry, so perhaps a short word count didn't allow for more expansion. At any rate, keep writing!


Respectfully,
~Nixie
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195
195
Review of The geocache  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi K. Ray

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The top line made me think this was non-fiction, but it's not marked as such. So I'll read this as if it were fiction.

In the third paragraph, the second sentence is a run-on. It's a good sentence that gives the reader insight about the MC, but not having all the words strung together would be easier to read. That same paragraph presents a huge block of text in comparison to the rest of the story.

The secondary character had a name I really liked. 'Cayce'. Now, if only the MC had a more defining name other than 'John'.

Active writing submerges the reader in the experience. It was love at first read when I learned more about John, as I am also a collector of rocks. There are none where I live now, but I have quite the collection gathered in NYS and PA.

I laughed at this sentence, thinking it showed more about John, but then wondered how the roar could be rejuvenating. Did it thrill him?
occasional roar of a mountain cat - a rejuvenating experience.

In addition to including the information of the spot being on a map, I suggest adding something about GPS coordinates, so a reader unfamiliar with this adventure will understand the meaning of a geocache. Also, in the title, the G should be capitalized.

I appreciated the correct use of (farther), that indicates distance. (Further) is for everything else, mostly the passage of time.

A few paragraphs later, I found this.
I didn't feel like arguing, and it was only a little further > farther.

we could never just "go hiking."
Suggest, 'go hiking'. because those words are not spoken.

In the conclusion, I agree with your statement in the beginning. Disturbing as the find was, it works to propel the story to the next entry.

Thanks for sharing this illuminating and adventurous story.

Respectfully,
~Nixie
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196
196
Review of Linger  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi LdyPhoenix

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I read the first entry for this collection, but it was too emotionally upsetting, so I moved onto the next. I did need to read the first one however, otherwise this entry wouldn't make much sense.

Confusion. I understand the intent, but some re-wording is required.

Maybe blueberry muffins would have been a better bet, but the thought of going into storage to get out those blasted trays. incomplete sentence

She hadn't touched them since… She simply hadn't been able to stand of the sight of them.

Suggest a possible rewrite
She avoided touching the trays because...

Her face barely moved, and the cold of her presence sank deeper into the bone as bright yellow zest filled her bowl.
written as is, the bright yellow zest is filling Hannah's bowl.

My favorite line because it's original and succinctly sums up what Marlow is experiencing.
Silence only half-companionable filled the air

The last paragraph was the zinger due to one sentence mentioning the maid-of-honor dress samples. This is a fantastic jumping off place to the next section.

Good closing sentence, since the reader was led to believe Marlow was baking blueberry muffins. The mention of the meringue pie clarified exactly what Marlow was baking. And in the prior paragraph, we learned exactly what that meant.

Thanks for sharing your work.

Respectfully,
~Nixie
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197
197
Review of White Balloons  Open in new Window.
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Ẃeβ࿚Ẃỉtcĥ

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I confess to choosing this free-verse prose because of the title. It brought to mind a specific memory, and I will try to stay on track regarding the review.

First, the presentation was unique and drew my eye. I liked the enlarged font. With the spacious formatting the reader is forced to read slowly and ponder every line.

Each stanza expanded on the theme, a bit like Haiku where the full meaning isn't disclosed until the third line. Including rain to induce the sadness, combined with words like (soggy soil) gave me the feeling that I was standing there among the mourners.

The italics, for lack of a better description, hurt my heart. It sounds silly, but sometimes I wonder if my cremated cat mourns the loss of me. I told you it was crazy. In my defense, she did appear to me in a dream and told me she was okay. My daughter had a similar dream.

If I can dip back to my dad's funeral and the aftermath, I remember something very specific, also related to balloons. I don't care for visiting graves, but my brothers do. A few days after we buried my dad, two of my brothers were visiting and saw a silver balloon arise from behind the headstone and float upwards until out of view.

Ouch for the final revelation. A child dying before they've had a chance to fully experience life is a tragedy that can't be defined.
Everyone who knew that child will forever be accompanied by a ghost of emptiness.

Excellent write, WW.


If you write free verse, you could (should) enter it in this contest.
"Shadows and Light Poetry Contest" Open in new Window.


Respectfully,
~Nixie
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198
198
Review of Dark Cloud  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Jimminycritic

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Even though this story already won a contest, I'm drawn to all things dark and couldn't resist reading and reviewing your story.

It reminded me, as it should in personification, of how someone's mood can affect another's. Dark can overcome light. And sometimes, light can overcome the darkness. This cloud understood both sides and wanted redemption and revenge.

Humans are haunted by the ghosts of regret or guilt. Now the dark cloud has to live with the atrocity of killing something innocent and beautiful.

The sentence below reminded me of Schrödinger's Cat theory. Technically, the correct interruption is that the cat can be both alive and dead at the same time. But when an event is observed, the results are determined. That's why this was one of my favorite sentences.

Of course, the results of this experiment change when you look at it

My only suggestion is~ going forward, use a larger font size. Paragraphing spacing is spot-on.

I choose to believe the cloud found redemption in the conclusion. The rainbow was an excellent way to show that forgiveness of self, mentioned earlier.

Your story was enjoyable, and truth be told I adored the dark cloud. Excellent work!


Respectfully,
~Nixie
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199
199
Review of Mirror, Mirror  Open in new Window.
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi JACE

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In summation, I guess the MC needed a slap upside-the-head to straighten himself out. According to the genres, this wasn't meant to be comical, but I laughed.

I feel for the frightened MC. Even on a good day, I prefer not to see the back of my head. My hair is generally snarled from sleeping on my back. And this guy can only see the back? That's cringe-worthy.

Back to my opening statement. Upon further reflection, I now understand why you chose sci-fi. I'm not so sure about the supernatural pick. Your story seems to float just out of bounds to nail down a genre. That's not a negative comment.

You composed a story that could have been confusing, but your work was not. Not at all. Everything the MC experienced was clearly shown. First person POV is my favorite because it allows the reader to 'see' the person through inner reflection.

The wife's first comment was perfect. It spoke to the experience of the MC and showed that his perception was incorrect. I'm thinking maybe the wife had some built-up frustration and was overtly pleased at the opportunity to slap him.

The theme matches both the contest's regulations and what happened in the story. A double twist. Thanks for the enjoyable read.

Respectfully,
~Nixie
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200
200
Review of US 16  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Eliot

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*Bulletb*
An entire folder full of hitchhiker stories? How unique. I tried to find a poem that didn't already have many reviews, but it seems you're a popular guy. I chose "US 16" Open in new Window. because of the cool title.

*Bulletb*
I liked the dichotomy between stanza one and stanza four. The first stanza made me want to be the hitchhiker, although no one does that anymore. As I progressed to the second stanza, I felt the warmth, but also the foreboding that appeared in the last line.

*Bulletb*
The final stanza gave me the shivers as I imagined the sun setting and the darkness folding in.

For me, the last stanza was relatable. I've been in a somewhat similar situation, waiting for a ride home. It was dark before I gave up and called for an Uber. There was no one around, and I wasn't in the best of neighborhoods.

>Consider a larger font size for other works of art.

The simple words added up to a powerhouse of a poem. Nicely done.

Respectfully,
~Nixie
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