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3,273 Public Reviews Given
3,312 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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176
176
Review of Flipping Liam  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Foxtrot! Nixie here. I found your item via random review.


*Baretree3*
The Hook
Ah, you 'got' me with the title and the brief description. Good job. *Checkg*

*Baretree3*
A closer look
As should be with flash, all the story elements are here. I liked the specifics you used to describe your characters. The red nails were a bit common, but it was a quick way to create an image.

The underlying feeling of uneasiness propelled the plot forward. Liam seemed to be in charge the entire time.

A personal peeve. The word [adorn] drives me insane. It seemed especially off considering what was being shown. How cool if the tats were there to empahzize a scar? Ah, flash doesn't leave much room for specifics.

*Baretree3*
Suggestions
I have to bring this up because I spotted it more than once, and it would be a disservice to not mention it. Writers don't show emotions through dialogue tags or adjectives. Here's two to illustrate my point.

The beginning phrase in this sentence...
Liam's callous words upset Andrea beyond measure... is unnecessary and a waste of words. What's the point? when you show the reader, why then tell the reader what Andrea is feeling? In the dialogue tag following, [she raves] is absolutely unnecessary. You did an excellent job showing her anger.

"What's wrong with you?" she raves.

This one just sounded wrong. Can you find a way to show her shoving her purse without the dialogue tag [rants]? Which is also too close in meaning and sound to be placed in close proximity. *Wink*

*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
The conclusion was rushed, but often that's what happens in flash. I liked the idea of the twist, but it fell flat. Here's another problem. You added an exclamation point to her sentence, rather than show emotion. I think she'd whisper her words and get out of there fast as possible. There were witnesses, after all. Correct?

A few other oops spotted the page, but overall, a good job. This sounds weird, but I had fun not only reading this, but also having the opportunity to share something I learned. *Smile*

~Nixie

Love this image from Brooke! Personal signature

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177
177
Review of 29 years  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Hank! Nixie here. I found your item via random review. Welcome to WdC! *Smile*


*Baretree3*
The Hook
Mostly I stopped to read this because you're what we call a newbie. And the title was unusual, my opinion on it, undecided. Maybe you'd like to put something more catchy in the brief description?

*Baretree3*
A closer look
Joking—about that heading—this really did require a closer look. All the words are jammed together in a big block of text. This makes for difficult reading. Much of the meaning is lost in the jumble. Normal simple fix would be adding white space. But this is more a stream of consciousness, where paragraphing might not work, so perhaps a bigger font.

*Baretree3*
Emotions evoked
Fascinating. This write sounds like one of my daily meditations. I move beyond what we see with our eyes, as you said. Sometimes I use the ruse of a portal, most often, I ask for a guide. I can never remember the specifics, but I wake with a clearer mind. These 'trips' liberate me and I'm happy to know I'm 'dust in the wind'.

*Baretree3*
A closed book= a lasting impression
I more or less agree with your conclusion. It's sort of a round-about. We can't know everything, so saying we can't would end the mystery, well, that's sort of a moot point. I'm not striving for the understanding of all. I'm relaxing in my world of nothingness. Maybe we're saying the same thing.

About that spacing though...

Thanks for the time spent here contemplating your words. I don't often read works like this. Fascinating.



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178
178
Review of Half-Die  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi! I found your story using the read and review option.


Overall Impression
After the third read through, I still had the same question. What prompted this story, and what was the reason? I'm sure it's different for everyone, I was drawn in by considering one of my favorite topics. What is real? Lately I've been thinking about the song 'row, row, row you boat...life if but a dream. What if I am dreaming?

Special Moments
I enjoyed the shock of a white knight appearing. Immediately, the reader is put into a state of mind. Ah, a rescuer. The last iteration was my favorite. A woman who insisted 'it' only spoke in a male's voice.

Oops
I was a little confused at times, which is often the case when going back before going forward gets messy. Generally, the best place to start a story is the beginning, the middle, or the most dramatic scene. Whatever it takes to snag the reader, in the instance that the title or brief description left a reviewer disinterested. For example, "I was discharged seven weeks ago" would make an interesting beginning, but then you'd still be stuck with back story. Oh, the plight of writers.

To be avoided
WHAT!?" I said, exasperated

{show emotion in action, not capitalized words, not multiple exclamation marks questions marks. And definitely, do not use an adjective as a sentence tag to show a state of mind.) Tiny oops. You forgot the ending period.


One of my fav descriptors
the reflected image showed red, huge, moving red.
This sentence put the reader in the drivers' seat, literally and figuratively. Because you're right, that's what a person sees when looking at on oncoming car.

Closing comments

I wasn't crazy about the conclusion. Because he lost everything, maybe ending it on Cruz's terms seemed logical. I don't know. Cruz's response felt like a deflated balloon.

"Goat Balls!" *Laugh* I've never heard that one before. Accidentally, I right-clicked on the words and google coughed up some disgusting images of yes, goats balls. *Sick*

Interesting write. I enjoyed the read, even if it was, at times, confusing. Maybe I'm dreaming.

~Nixie



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179
179
Review of Find Time  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Norma Jean. Nixie here. I found your item via random review.


Flash reaction
CLEVER!

I didn't expect time to be the primary character. What a splash that last line gave. *Shock2*

Something special
You played with one of my favorite concepts. Time. Because there really is no such thing as time. The moment we think 'stay in the present' the moment becomes the past.

All through the read I kept wondering what exactly was happening. Who was the little guy? And how could a little guy slip through someone's fingers. You seriously nailed this piece, especially after I caught on and read this again, catching all the nuances that I should have foreseen.

And unless a reader 'gets' it the first time, even for flash, the plot is thin. I kept trying to fill in the blanks, to find a clue. Surely, the story wasn't about two guys moving boxes. Where's the conflict? Where's the tension? It's only in retrospect that it all falls into place.

Something to consider
Rather than telling the reader that George looked dejected, the reader needs to see this emotion. Maybe he's slumped-shouldered?

Emotions evoked.
Your sense of humor was a delight to part of. The wit you possess reminds me of my own. I grew up in NYS and still maintain my dry sense of humor that no one else gets. So I've scaled it back, but in certain moments, it pops out of my mouth, and I see the confused or shocked look on someone's face. Sometimes, a blank stare.

Cut to the chase, Nixie.
My point being, I don't feel quite so alone in the dry wry humor inside that I have to hide. And I fear losing that particular knack. Without being around people who also think whimsically, it's definitely slipping through my fingers.

Awesome write!












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180
180
Review of Punk's Tale  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Jakrebs. Nixie here. I found your item via random review.

Thanks for starting my day with laughter. *Laugh*

Overall take
I can't decide which amused me the most. The introduction, or the prose itself. The references to Norse mythology and the cat's disdain for their enhancements made me smile more with each line as I read.

The free form you chose sometimes had internal rhymes that threw me off a bit, as I looked for the matching word and found none. So I had a bit of trouble following the flow, but not a true issue. All I needed was a mind reset to plunge into the mythical world. Unfortunately for me, I had a hard time 'seeing' the word [string] sometimes capitalized [String] My eyes kept seeing strings or sting. *RollEyes*

Entrapment
I liked the hilarious lines throughout, and I really liked that I couldn't figure out what was happening until the end. Your unique word choices lent an air of sophistication. The juxtaposition between the plot and the words had a pleasing effect.

In the end?
My cat chose me one Halloween night. She was a parking lot cat, dumped by someone cruel. I've tamed her remarkably (pat on back for me) but she's never played with a string. So when I tried to connect with Punk, I couldn't make it. That's on me.

I'd definitely go through and make sure [string] was always capitalized. So, a bit of a rocky read, but well worth the extra time spent reading it more than a few times.

You penned an unusual write, something original. Well done!




A glamorous sig









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181
181
Review of Appreciation  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Z.shams. Nixie here. Welcome to WdC!

Overall take
In a few words, you've touched on a complex thought process. It's not always easy to accept oneself, no matter the reason. However, that's the only way we can change. If we recognize our thoughts as creating our life, it's possible to escape self-sabotage.

Emotional/Mental connection.
What I say to myself is basically what you've written here. "I have enough." I learned that for myself, not from Oprah Winfrey, whose show I never watched.

If I should believe otherwise, I'm creating a need. Needs only lead to voids. In a state of wanting or needing, we'll never see what we have. We'll always feel 'less'. One has to recognize their own self-worth. And if a person can think of one good thing about themselves, they can build from there, or decide what they discovered is enough.

The main focus
Your words are bright and inspirational. I almost forgot to mention your brief description. One way to brighten ourselves is to shine on someone else. That's often what I meditate on.

Question/Matter of opinion
I'm not sure about the mention of [beautiful] in the conclusion. If a person recognizes a beauty within, and I think that's your point, then that's a good thing. But to focus on beauty by comparison create the opposite.

The emoticons are cute, but generally, they don't appear in an item, unless it's a contest of forum .... sent with an email ... Now that's entirely up to you, but for me, it was a distraction that pulled some of the power from your words.

And in the end?
Good write.




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182
182
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Lady H. Nixie here. I found your on the HUB page, requesting reviews.


Excellent read!

Lucy is an outstanding character. In first person POV, her actions drew me in. In fact, all the characters interested me, mostly scary or sly. Despite having several characters in this chapter, everyone had a part to play. Everything that happened was germane to the plot, with no wasted words.

All I wanted was for Lucy to leave. I liked how she switched her name to Luce, which sounder cooler to her.

The fast pace of the plot made my heart race, urging Luce on, and terrified she'd either be force-fed a pill, or can't escape. The setting you created is picture-perfect in my mind. I've partied in lots of bars, but none like this. And ew. I didn't mind the several mentions of sweaty bodies. Usually, repetition annoys me. But for this story, every mention was validated, further driving me in to the scene.

My heart is still thumping, and this chapter ends intriguingly, urging the reviewer to continue reading. Nicely done.

*Checkb* A few simple editing issues, not all. They're small and won't be easy to find. Brackets encase the corrections for small areas. Longer segments are typed in blue.

Repetitious word in close proximity.

The [only] problem is the [only] friends I have now are the dusty books in the school library.

Fiction is immediate. No one begins to move, they move.
[I begin to move]

These two sentences don't jive. She takes in a lungful, yet in the next paragraph, she's struggling to breathe. Suggestion. Use only one of the sentences, or alter how she gets oxygen.

I take in a lungful of the stuffy air.
the air stifling and making it difficult to breathe.

A small oops
but the DJ is making a birthday announcement over the music and [its] [it's] deafening.

The period slipped outside of the quotation marks.
[“Lucy!”. ]

I wouldn't sweat the small stuff. I'm sure you'll be editing more.

Fantastic write that I enjoyed reading from beginning to end. Wow!


Damiana Matrix SPR


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183
183
Review of Epiphanies  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Whiskerface. Nixie here. I found your item via random review.

I have to agree with everything you've written here. I don't have the exact same thoughts, but I excel at self-sabotage. If I simply write, I'm fine. If I think, forget it. And if I can't think of anything to write...what a circle I create.

Maybe your way is the best way to get started. I've often thought of writing like this, but I'm uneasy about revealing something unintentionally. It's kind of ridiculous. I'm here for the same reasons as everyone else. Reviewing helps me, just like your item helped.

And, looking at the date when this was written begs the question, how are you feeling now? We can't always change who we are. I think we're born with our personalities already written. I learn how best to work with what I have.

I'm imagining this writing as a catharsis. I'm happy for you that your ex remained your ex, even though he bettered himself. Those actions were for himself. But it's good that you're proud and recognize him.

Your brief description states 'writing shapes me' which I found fascinating. I had a saying that went something like this: one begins a story with an outcome in mind, they find at the end of the story they're someone different. I think our thoughts echo each other's.

Nothing in this world can stay the same. The only constant is change. Maybe we grow, or see life without eyes. (yes, that sounds weird, but I believe there's much more to life than our eyes show us.) I have revelations when I meditate. That's my safe haven, same as this website.

Maybe spacing this out a bit more (there are some sentences with no spaces in between) would make your work shine more. Look more professional. I find myself telling others, take anything you've learned and go forward with it. No point in reviewing something written years ago, unless there's a good reason.

Be at peace,
~Nixie






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184
184
Review of Where's Waldo?  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Ned. I found your item through the read and review option.


Overall Impression
This title grabbed my attention and the brief description demanded a read and review.

Despite the foregone conclusion, I really felt for this guy. There's nothing worse than making plans. Plans always fall apart.

Thoughts
In the beginning, the scene was set. I was trying to picture his suit, but could not. No biggie. I certainly saw it in my mind after the elevator ride and subsequent escape. You might want to consider breaking up that huge block of text. It makes the story look uneven.

In closing
Another consideration: Shortening your sentences. Especially in the beginning when words matter the most. After the title and brief description, that's a writer's second chance to snag a reader. We all try to achieve this, remembering that less is more. What is most important to the story? What words will grab a reader's attention? Take note of how many sentences have the word (was) in them.

Maybe this sounds weird, but I don't go back and edit older pieces. I take the advice (if I agree) and move forward with the comments in mind. Keep on writing. *Smile*

beautiful in thought and visual

Nixie
Overwatch Guardian

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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185
185
Review of The Moment I Knew  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Joto-Kai. Nixie here. I found your item via random review.

I liked this brief vignette into someone's life because I wish moments like these really happened. We're alone in this world, but a friend can ease that pain. Especially an unexpected friend. I think that's what's going on here. There were gaps I couldn't fill in.

Whenever someone answers 'How are you" with the word "Fine." I know they're in emotional turmoil. I can't always help. And I think that's why the other character said "I'm okay."

A few more details would have fleshed out the story. Who was the other person, and what was the relationship between him/her? A new friendship, a long-lasting friendship? I'll admit to being puzzled. Cecil picked up on the other character's need, despite him/her wanting to be alone.

My favorite dialogue was "When you need to hear my voice." and then the carry-through.

What I really liked was the last line, as it lifted up the entire conversation, indicating peace of mind. The words created a beautiful scene.

Thanks for the read. *Smile*




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186
186
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Alan. Nixie here. I found your poem via random review.

Published at 14? Most impressive. I read your bio, stating you're a busy writer who publishes wherever possible. What I'm curious about, and it's really none of my business, how old are you now?

The poem is really quite good, especially from a person your age. I began writing around that time, but I'm older. Much as I hate to admit it, none of the tech we have today was available back then. Forget publishing. Unheard of. I kept all my writings in a brown paper bag. Long lost. And, if I remember correctly, I was a good writer.

I noticed you have two items here, a short story and a poem. Are you planning on writing more for WdC? You definitely have the talent.

Brown and green make for excellent visuals. I can't imagine that many teens even paying attention to details like that. I enjoyed reading your little poem, the simplicity and flow held a certain charm. You sounded young, but already an author in the making. Congrats on your success!




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187
187
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi BSchool. Nixie here. I found your item via random review.

Say what now? *Laugh*

Outstanding portrayal of a harried woman late for her first day, from start to, well, the grinding conclusion. I can't think of one more mishap to befall her. The coffee, the shoe, the bloody knee. I liked the strong verbs you employed to enliven the story. No need for adverbs to prop up your verbs. I think "pain shot through" got to me the most.

One of my favorite lines was about the worry of the smell of marijuana scenting her clothes. A nice touch, there, for interest.

She was on her way to Homeland Security, of all places!

I really appreciated how you fit all the details in with not very many words. You gave the reader a full setting, good characters and conflict. The resolution? No spoilers here.

Each scene was expertly depicted, and I felt included in the story. I couldn't relate because I've never hard a hard time getting to work. Oh, sure, Nixie. It was getting home, really. The place where I worked backed up to the Kennebeck River. During the winter, the cars iced over, door locks froze, and climbing the hill that led the way home was icy and snow-packed most days. Sorry, I digress.

Security sounded like going through the tortuous process of boarding a plane. It's absolutely ridiculous, and the things they make you do squash any joy from flying. Of course, we can't do that much anymore.

Super-duper weird. Those dudes that jumped the line. We had a good bit of foreshadowing that still did not prepare me for the conclusion. It sounded so outlandish, I more or less ruled it out as significant. Big mistake on my part!

I did get really nervous as Ruby passed all the empty offices. Did the workers suffer the same fate as the one impending Ruby? We have some unscrupulous people running our government (such as it is). Maybe they're not really human. *Laugh*

When I read all the words that had to be included, I thought, the story has already been written. My next thought was, yeah, that wasn't easy. You took the words and wrote a unique story, even though the conclusion seemed outlandish. Why were they allowed past security? And why were they keeping tabs on Ruby? Was she that luscious looking?

Expectations are never a good thing to count on. Great write!


Me with another persona. Am I a spy?
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188
188
Review of Lost and Found  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Queen Norma. Nixie here. I found your item via random review.

Beginning a word restricted item with dialogue cuts right to the chase. (no pun intended.) Immediately, the reader is immersed in the story, watching the girls scurrying around for a guinea pig. Looking over to where the python was would have been my choice, as well.

We had a ball python who ate my daughter's two cockatiels. Truly upsetting, but brother and sister didn't communicate. In his defense, her brother didn't know the birds were not caged, and Champion had escaped his own cage. (Pythons are known for their escapist skills.)

The ferret was also loose, and I couldn't find him, but had to leave for the dentist. What a day. I think that's how it played out. *Pthb*

I was thinking the fourth paragraph would have been more exciting if the dialogue between the girls had kept going, rather than the explanation of the consequences. You've created two characters that are fun to play with. I'd keep them on a running dialogue.

Our guinea pig was the sweetest ever, so it surprised me when the one in the story bit Sally. We had a gerbil once...that's a whole other story.

And ick. I was totally unprepared for the conclusion, even having had a similar experience. But Champion was the sweetest python in the world, for all his escaping prowess. He let all my kids carry him circled around their shoulders. Yikes! I never did that. I do have limits. lol

The poor little piggy. It understood its narrow death escape. I hope Sally never leaves that cage open again. It's in the python's nature to devour, so I can't be upset. Thank goodness piggy lived. Otherwise, I'd be upset all day. *Laugh*






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189
189
Review of Leo Trying Hard  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Ty. Nixie here. I found your item via random review.

Oh! A prime example of having to read in between the lines. From a few words, the reader hears the story that wasn't precisely told.

The fact that Leo opened one eye before the other was an unusual touch that I appreciated.

My dad was a Marine, and he taught me to make the hospital corners, and I still hear his voice whenever I make my bed.

I really liked how his mom's note played into the scene. (Why was her handwriting childish?) How did this add to the plot? How did she get to work without her car?

A quick snap shot of the neighborhood showed the reader the setting and the family's financial position. *Checkg*

After the first two paragraphs, the images came in short bursts, one sentence per paragraph. I had to read this over a few times before the big ah-ha moment. Nicely done. Only a few sticky spots to clear up. *Smile*






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190
190
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Alana. Nixie here. I found your item via random review. Truthfully, I landed on your item 5 times without choosing to review it. So here goes...

Why I chose not to review it. It puzzles me when authors keep all their words on the left, not written out like a stream of consciousness, in this case, or a story. Maybe this item was written on another website and the writing code didn't match. Also, I have so many questions and thoughts in my head, I don't know how to narrow them down.

Why I am reviewing it now? After landing here multiple times, I've had time to think. For me, a stream of thoughts should be spread across the page. Since I wasn't completely confident making observations, I chose this website for formatting information.

Definition and examples  

I think you'll agree (or not) that this should be presented in the format I suggested.

The message came across strong. What a relief for the narrator to be free. My favorite line was 'the rocks skipping over the water'.

My questions. Did the narrator kill the person he/she's referring to?

So I took a trip to my favorite place, a glistening, chuckling stream
Shore nuff’ there you were, carrying out your scheme
Yet I don’t feel haunted, this sacred area is still a dream

How were the two characters related? Friends? Siblings?

I liked the title, but didn't understand the meaning. I laughed when I read even the deer were sneering. Your words are original and inventive, nothing repetitive or simplistic. If only I could have my questions answered, or hear back from you. That would be wonderful. Happy writing!


Damiana Matrix SPR
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 






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191
191
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello there queen. Lowly Nixie here.

I enjoyed reading your story about rambunctious brothers with vivid, if limited imaginations. My daughter went through a phase where she wore capes she'd made everywhere. She brushed aside the ridicule. She had and still has a strong personality, not unlike mine.

Okay, back to the brothers. I delved into your world to explore with the boys. It was easy to picture them because your descriptions of the setting were both funny and visual.

When my sister was alive, I worshiped her. Whatever she did, I had to do. Thank goodness I was more mischievous than her, and we never got in trouble. That's how I connected with the older brother. He was so real in his concern for letting his little brother down, all the while hoping Joey would forget. I liked following Charlie's line of thought. He's (was) a good brother. His love shone through the words.

Now, about that magic box. Again, your showing the reader the action kept me engaged. I thought the entire experience was all funny, until the last line.
If you intended to create shock value, it worked. But somehow, I felt the missing father should have been mentioned earlier.

At any rate, a lively read with a flowing plot. Well done.



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Overwatch Guardian
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192
192
Review of Courage  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Stellar. Nixie here. I found your item via random review.

Likes *Checkg*

I'd never heard of this person before. *Blush* I'm not involved in a community presence. I had to look up her name and read. Thanks for expanding my knowledge.

An acute example of bullying and rising above. Unfortunately, such is the plight of any celebrity in the light.

The poem demonstrated her tenacity while beset by those who blow out others' candles to make theirs glow brighter. I hope their eyes cleared for more than a moment.

The second stanza impacted me the most, particularly the first line. 'Empty hands'. That's exactly what should be done. Kill them with kindness. Show strength by forgiveness and acceptance, despite the cruel taunts.

Your poem emphasized her amazing abilities without mentioning the disease she suffers from.

Suggestions/Questions *Questiong*

I like to see a 'balanced' poem. The last line in the first stanza was the only one of that length.

Because you wrote 2014 at the top, I wondered if she had died. I looked it up. Amazingly, she has not.

What do you think of leaving out the parentheses in the second stanza third line? It looked out of place.


Final thoughts *Thinker*

Thanks for writing an encouraging poem and sharing the inspiration you have for you. She's indeed a courageous woman.










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193
193
Review of Hiding Place  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Steph. I found your story using the read and review option.


The hook
The title could have meant anything, and the brief description narrowed the field of possibilities.

Overall Impression
I only had to read the first line before entering your realm. Right from the start, the scene is painted, and the reader knows the character is running for his life. From a direwolf!

The short sentences contributed to the urgency of this chase, and the verbs you chose and variety of words (no repetition here) impressed me as my curiosity drove me forward. I felt as if I were running with Bronn. He was familiar with the territory, honestly, I could see it in my mind, and this creaked open a door of hope. Then a boar entered the chase, adding more danger and urgency.

Special Moments
I liked the idea of not identifying the character by name until the close of the story. It was unusual and had a dramatic effect.

Closing comments
I fought for Bronn right to the conclusion, even though it was forgone.

You don't need me to tell you what an exceptional author you are. These words came from your inner being. Impressive!



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194
194
Review of turn Up  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Winded. Nixie here. I found your item via random review.

What I'm about to write is the weirdest beginning thought I've ever, well, thought. Although the 'prose' made no sense, the explanation did. You see, I meditate daily to help me through emotions and rid myself of trapped toxins.

I've tried to write out a few, but, same as you, they make no sense to others. Don't let that stop you, as it stopped me. Also, I rarely remember what happened in the meditation.

I wake with a feeling of peace, wishing the meditation surpassed the one hour mark. It's odd. Every single time, I wake after an hour. I sense the moment I'm about to snap out of it and try to extend the time, to no avail. Is that what the title turn up means to you?

It's cathartic to write, and when you have that gift it's a blessing. We can work through problems, no matter what form they take.

I have one suggestion. Depending on how you feel, you may want to set this to 'email comments' or 'review w/o rating. This will also help the reviewer, because I definitely don't want to rate what you've written here. Your words are wise, you're aware of more than you think.

Some reviewers take off a half star 'just because' there is no perfection in the world. I can't do that. I've nothing to offer as a suggestion. I've only encouragement to keep on writing. *Smile* Oh, and welcome to WdC! Most members refer to the website as a second home. I hope that happens for you.











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195
195
Review of Mr Adamson  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Poetry. Nixie here. I found your item via random review.

You've composed a beautiful piece of poetry, obviously personal to you. The rhyming pattern flowed smoothly. The rhyming words unique.

What I didn't feel (probably because this is personal) was any connection to the words, other than the first and last stanza. We're on this planet for merely a wink, even though we measure the experience in years. And that's why 'writing ones name in the sand' struck a chord in me. So swiftly we vanish.

I did feel your pain at the loss of Mr. Anderson. You nearly broke my heart. His gift was his music and he continues 'living' through you every time you sing what he wrote. What a beautiful tribute. Singing is a spiritual experience, how ever a person perceives it to be.

There's really not much more to say, other than to express the grief I feel for you. My sister lives on through my memories, and memories of other people. I idolized her. After she died I couldn't cry over anything for ten years.

I hope you find peace. Grief is a process. Don't fight it. You have the gift of writing, and surely that will help you through this tragedy.

~ Nixie














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196
196
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Snow. Nixie here. I found your item via random review.

From the top
Ick. I've been a Vegan since 2004, and the thought of eating meat, much less having to kill it, sickens me. My mom''s told me stories off cutting off chicken heads and watching them run around...

Extra oomph
The comedy throughout the story lent extra impact to the plot. Aunt Gertrude was, obviously, the best character, playing off of Patricia. I liked how you included Patrica's full name to show emphasis. Because that's what elders often do. And then Patricia turned it around, using Gran's full name, with Gran using only Patricia's first name. And Gran replied with an expletive, turning character traits around, again. Nice touch.

Too funny, casting George as a human and not a dog.

Lapse of attention.
George didn't bit(e) Granny on purpose.

Written this way, it makes more sense to me. No change in verb tense.

He paid her hospital bill and for the rabies shots, which I don't (didn't) think were (was) necessary."

A stray thought
Of course it's the author's choice, but I prefer italics to full caps that 'show' emotion.

Wrapping it up
Perfect conclusion that made me laugh. Thanksgiving guests can be so annoying.




Reading your work was

My Pleasure tks.

~Nixie
GROUP
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#1300305 by Maryann


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197
197
Review of Percy  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi LK. Nixie here. I found your item via random review. Welcome to WdC! I see you've jumped right into the water, not unlike your penguin. A difference here, though. You'll receive a warm reception , regardless of your appearance. *Laugh*

From the beginning
My main point here is type out the old adage. "More is less." That means practicing word economy and making every word count. In a world where reviewers have thousands of items to choose from, you want your best to shine through.

A closer look
Don't get me wrong. This is a cute story and it made me smile. Here's a few hints to help get your writing in high gear. The first line of a story should grab a reader's attention. Introducing the character and conflict will do that. So rather than all the explanation in the beginning, why not start where the story starts? You'd have to add Antartica > you need to correct the spelling > Antarctica needs to be included to establish your setting. So, your story really begins with the third sentence. *Wink*

Hmm.
I'm not a fan of onomatopoeia, and the persistent use of it distracted me. Remember, more is less.
waddle-waddle TRIP{/i}, waddle-waddle-CRASH,and of course...waddle-waddle KLIUNK!
Can you show this to your readers?

Examples
Another example: Also, close out this with quotation marks. I make that mistake frequently, especially if I'm rearranging dialogue for effect.

HAR! HAR! HAR This sticks out in your story, drawing too much attention.

Oops

*Right* Rather than use {bold} and {/bold} you mistakenly typed {b}TRIP and closed with italics. {/i} Not a huge deal, except the rest of your story was italicized. It's an easy fix. *Wink*

Formatting
*Star* Excellent job formatting, good spacing and plenty of white space. Rather than a block of text, you've made this an easy read. (other than mistyping that led to italics.) Readers are more likely to take an interest in formatting like this.

In closing
The end fell flat. Remember to avoid (ly) words, especially in dialogue.
Penolope's comment could be consolidated to > "You beast, Penrod. You're the reason Percy left." Maybe she can smack him with a flipper to show anger. Just an off-the-cuff suggestion.

Penrod's answer seemed off. It would make more sense if he used a fitting adjective. You've already used several to show awkwardness for a description, so you'd have to work on that. Neither does it make sense to me that Penrod would speak with an exclamation point, followed by a shrug. You really don't even need that last sentence.

Seriously, I talk too much.
Okay, I can tell you put your heart and soul into this story. *Heartb* I sensed the loneliness and isolation of Percy. What a shame Penelope wasn't able to help him. He sure did get bullied, which also happens to humans. You effectively made me angry over his treatment.

*Pencil*
You need a little practice and some editing. A second pair of eyes helps. You'd never believe the mistakes I've made in my years here.

Reading and reviewing
I learned a lot by reading and reviewing. In fact, some of my best writing pours from me after reviewing. I connect with the author or the character, and find myself telling my own story. I suggest everyone read and review. It's one of the most important aspects of WdC.

So, maybe it sounds like I'm being hard on you, but really I'm encouraging you to do your best. *Smile* Do not ever stop writing. We only get better.

I hope you continue to enjoy your writing endeavors here. We have lots of resources to assist, and I'd say the majority members are always willing to help.

At last, the real end
Good grief! Last words and I'll leave you alone. I only type reviews of this length when the story interests me. I probably overwhelmed you. Sorry about that.

Keep on writing. Don't let anyone or anything discourage you. *Bigsmile*






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198
198
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Wakeup! Nixie here. I found your item via random review.


A comprehensive review for a fabulous book I read years ago. *Star*

You did a fabulous job presenting this review, without giving away all the magic. Your approach was well-ordered and sensical.

The presentation alone was a draw for me. All the formatting was correct, and I found no areas that distracted me. As long as parallel plots make sense, it's one of my favorite type of stories to read. In the way back, I read The Winds of War written by Herman Wouk. His style was masterful and frustrating. At the exact climax of one plot, the next chapter reverted to the second plot line. Both were equally fascinating stories.

I've also read All the Light We Cannot See. That was years ago, and I only remember the part about the blind girl, mostly how her father taught her to see. Your insights into the author's intention (not judgmental) were crucial to the review. Werner's story was also detailed without judgment. One wonders how Hitler entranced his soldiers, and this is one example of an innocent turning the wrong way.

The words (catapults) and (history) need to be capitalized in the title.

I wonder, now, if this particular novel led me to my current outlook on life, although it changes all the time. There's much more to the world than what we see with our eyes. Sometimes I see the spaces in between. I've absolutely no doubt that most of the world is invisible due to humanity's limited perceptions.

*Cherry* The cherry on top? You demonstrated how a novel can change a person. Our thoughts expand when we discover books such as this one. Excellent summation of a complex book.






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199
199
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Kieran. Nixie here. I found your item via random review.

Cute children's' story that made me laugh. *Heartv*

I like how you vividly describe the scene as it expands to include a whole lot of neighbors, and even some animals. Wouldn't it be wonderful to live in a community like this?

Is it essential to the story to begin with Claire's age? Does it add anything to the plot? At least not in the first sentence, which should be the attention grabber. Can you show her age in another way, or mention it somewhere else in the story? I'm struggling myself, trying to think of how to add that somewhere. The reader needs to know her age. *AsteriskO* see below.

Consider editing this story, as there are misspells and other grammar issues. What distracted me the most was the lack of spaces after commas. Create diversity and avoid repetition by finding another word for 'pulled' and 'grabbed'.

The adjective (enormous) in the title demonstrates your ability to find words that impact. I keep a thesaurus bookmarked for assistance. Avoid words like (just) as they have no meaning.

Good job completing the story arc. I wondered what Charlotte (I think that's who was speaking) meant by reading her kids the turnip story. It seemed truly out of place until the last line of the story. *Checkg*

I would love to see this in a picture book for little kids. They'd surely find laughter and curiosity as the scene unfolded.

*AsteriskO* (An added bonus, they'd see how old Claire was in a picture.)

Adorable write that only needs a bit of polishing.







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200
200
Review of Lost  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Connie! Nixie here. I found your story via random review.

It's so embarassing when I have to say my first reaction is 'aw, that's so sweet'. *Blush* *Heart* But that's exactly what I said, out loud! Good thing I'm alone.

I absolutely loved the descriptions and mystery painted here. Every vision the narrator saw formed an image in my head. Even though I couldn't see the setting, your words showed me everything.

You had me worried about what may be happening to this woman (girl). Her reactions drew me closer to her as a character. The descriptions of what others were wearing and where they were standing completed the scene. I did worry about the little girl and the dad hushing her. By then, the conclusion seemed clear. Either the woman was dead or dreaming.

I found no wasted words, just a tight read that was a pleasure to indulge in. The spacing made the plot easy to read. (All these years later, now we know not to indent the first paragraph.) No way am I fixing all of mine! Besides, for every rule there's an un-rule. *Laugh* Standards change with the times.

Well, blow me over, or push me off the swing. What a delight to read the conclusion. I clicked on the link you provided. You did a marvelous job of expanding the scene. The narrator must have been entranced by the painting. What a lovely thought. I'll have to try that sometime.

Great read, as always. *Heartv*




Me with another persona. Am I a spy?
Overwatch Guardian
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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