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Review Requests: OFF
3,273 Public Reviews Given
3,312 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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201
201
Review of Money  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Bold Attitude. Nixie here.


*CakeB* HAPPY 1st WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Overall Impression
This was a tough read for me because I have strong opinions about what money is. For me, it's a state of mind. Those with lots worry about losing it, those with little worry about paying bills. I'd rather worry about losing it. Economic inequality creates diversity. It's really all so silly, but it's the system we use, and as you point out here, it's a way to judge.

A couple of questions.
In the second line did you mean (disperses)?
The fourth line feels incomplete. As if (in it) is missing.

And when it leave it doesn't campaign
(leaves) I missed the meaning of (campaign.)

Does 'money in the bank' mean investment portfolios? Or simply a daily balance? Unless the person tells another, there's really no way for someone to judge them. Many people with lots of money choose a simple life. So even if a person is living modestly, the wrong conclusion can be drawn.

I will agree with you on this point. Money, especially when we're indulging in 'online retail therapy' (lol- a consequence of Covid) does vanish, and often we are unaware. Sigh. What is money?



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202
202
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Phantom. Nixie here. *Smile*

HAPPY 2nd WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



Excellent beginning line!

I like your title, it speaks the truth. But rather than asking for feedback in the brief description, I'd suggest a real brief description. The poem is obscure, and giving the reader a hint can help.

My best guess is that you're trying to show the reader how the mind can trick us and alter what's really happening. We create our own reality, our choices take us to a destination that we may not like. I often remind myself, 'you chose to create this reality.'The sad part is, I don't know how to change it. We can't solve a problem using the same thoughts we used to create it.

'Mind' is used five times in six lines, which becomes tedious. The verbs didn't make much sense to me. (sound, sane, coin).

I think you have a specific point to make, but it's not coming through with the words being used. (see the parallel?). Since I totally missed the intention of the poem, I have no idea what to suggest to create clarity. I read several other poems you wrote, trying to find one that could express joy for your anniversary.

My usual go to? Read others' work and review it. That's what helps me. Looking at the ratings, I can see other reviewers are having the same problem understanding or connecting to the work.

Keep writing. Don't ever give up. I have some failures in my port. I really need to get them out of there. Sometimes the story never works, and I have to abandon it. I even lose confidence in myself, which only makes my life more miserable. But even clunkers have value, if only to illustrate weak points. *Wink*

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#1300305 by Maryann



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203
203
Review of Trash Cats  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Laurie. Nixie here.


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



*Vignette2*
From the top
An intriguing title and brief description. I glanced over all the items in your port and deducted this was the literary home of offbeat author. Mostly, the stories were written in the horror/scary genre that I avoid at all costs.
I was warned, far in advance, by the cover images, lots of scary stuff lurked here. You've created a beautiful space for others.

So...total confusion reigned as I began reading. You certainly know how to 'paint' an idea with words. I struggled to see how all of this would fit together, enjoying each line as I read.

*Vignette2*
Emotions evoked
This review may come out a little rough. I'm not always reflecting in order of the lines. Many thoughts came to mind. Kris Kristofferson's Rain started playing in my mind while reading the mud-puddle part. However, that provided no answers that echoed the theme of the poem. And somehow, roaches sprouting wings became something beautiful. And then, for some reason, the song Sound of Silence sprang to mind when I read about concrete jungles. Specifically, the line "and the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls and tenement halls." Performed by Simon and Garfunkel.

Most likely, none of that makes much sense, but the words both puzzled and enraptured me. So I put the words to something familiar, songs.

*Vignette2*
Wrapping it up
You slammed me with the last stanza. The big ah-ha. Why didn't I see it coming? An awesome write by a unique writer. I hope many will read this review and stop by to see what the heck I'm talking about, because everyone needs to make their own discovery and draw their own conclusions. *Star*



Damiana Matrix SPR

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204
204
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi merskin. Nixie here to celebrate the joy you discovered in (or son one hopes, ten years ago.


*CakeB* HAPPY 10th WDdC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*Baretree3*
The Hook
I definitely fell for the title and the brief description, which is your first chance to snag a reader.

*Baretree3*
A closer look
We can call it magic, or shades of people dead, but I agree, there's something far beyond than what one can see with their eyes. Music is magic. it's there in the lyrics, the harmony, the beat, whatever calls us into another realm, displacing the banal, transposing who we are, at least for a few moments. Excellent parallel to demonstrate your point.

I'd never really thought about the lasting effect of reading, other than books that enlighten the mind, or help enhance our perceptions. But, you're right. It seems so obvious, I'm surprised it never occurred to me.

The personal introduction about being crazy many not be needed. The opening line could be "I believe in magic."

Consider using a larger font. Otherwise, the formatting worked.


*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
Everything and everyone is connected in this place we call space, or outer space. We may not feel the pull of another, but it's there. Surprise, surprise, open a book and there's the other person.

On a personal note. My sister died in 1983, yet her spirit was/is strong enough to assist me in writing my novelette. I couldn't have done it without her presence guiding me.

You certainly got my attention. Well done. A four star because this could be a tighter read, expressed with more concise thoughts. Overall, well done!



Love this image from Brooke! Personal signature

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Overwatch Guardian



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205
205
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)


*CakeB* HAPPY 13 WdC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



Overall Impression
A cute story kids can relate to. Although the piece was primarily dialogue, the setting was established. I feel bad for kids like this, in their minds the threat is real. Most likely, something in their life is 'wrong', maybe bullying at school or an abusive home environment.


Thoughts
Kids can't often face the real problem in their lives (bullying at school, or an abusive home). They transpose their fear into something understandable to them. And closets are creepy if you forget to shut the door. It's a fairly common theme. Even as a result, this brings back my fears and memories. Good job communicating that.

I like how his big brother has given advice that worked for him. It reinforces the sensation that something really awful is happening in that household.

One consideration would be to describe how the carpet felt between his toes, to solidify the setting.

In closing
This wasn't a wow, bowl me over piece, but well done for Flash. That's a tough contest. All story components must be present, and the dialogue shortcut often works well within those parameters.

Thanks for the read. *Smile*

beautiful in thought and visual

Nixie
Overwatch Guardian

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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206
206
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Intuey. Nixie here with an anniversary review. I know it's early, but anniversaries last all month, not a single day.

HAPPY 18th! WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



Well, after 78 reviews you certainly don't need another. Sorry, but I had to see what all the excitement was about. 78 reads? That's extremely impressive. After reading your tale, I understand why. Other than a few slip-ups, the story ran smoothly. Most confusing was the transition from her yelling to her getting up from bed. I'm sure it's been mentioned before.

The good stuff.
Too many twists and turns to resist reading this all the way to the end. First person POV puts the reader right into the story. It's the best POV for this write. A lot would be lost without that first hand experience.

I like how uncertain I remained during the read. I couldn't decide who was the good character and who was the bad one. It's clear from the beginning that Diane is the looney, psychotic one, but I kept holding out hope. Don't ask me why. I mean Brian himself was a dark character. Ruthless to the end.

Great job showing the car scene. It was both scary and vivid. Both the plot and the characters drove (no pun intended) the story. Usually, it's one or the other, fascinating how it played out. In the end, I have to admit Diane's the nut-cake. Why did I want it to be Bryan? Probably because the guys are always the jerks when I write. lol

Happy incredibly early anniversary! *Partyhatr*

~Nixie





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#1300305 by Maryann



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207
207
Review of Two Empty Windows  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Erika. Nixie here.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



Dang, woman, you know how to write. (Nice, Nixie, that sounds really professional.) *Laugh*

Okay, no more laughing. But the first sentence I wrote is the one that fell from my fingers. Considering the various scenes and sounds in your poem, I'm guessing the setting is in a hospital.

At this moment, I'm watching a man fish from a dock, and imagining the sinker at the end of the line is my heart dropping off after absorbing the beautiful darkness of your poem. That's not exactly the proper response either. I don't mean any disrespect. The pain in your words is too evident. You've painted a picture that makes me grimace, especially the last stanza.

Although every phrase is precious, my favorite is the last line of the second stanza. Okay, I can't claim just one favorite, but that line reminded me of my dad. Enough thinking about his death, for me.

You see, I often think about the triteness of life, how little it matters in the grand scheme of things, whatever the heck that is. My thoughts seem to echo with your first stanza. This odd out-of-place sensation that is my reality. And I'm only dying in the abstract sense, as we all are dying, every day.

I really hope I read this correctly, especially since it's a review in honor of your anniversary. 2012 stretches back to infinity. Where are you now? Has your reality changed? After reading your bio, I understand you're not as active as you once were, but you left this poem here for me to ponder. Thanks for that.

Be well,
~Nixie




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#1300305 by Maryann



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208
208
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Dreambeliever. Nixie here. First, I'd like to say, I"m sorry for your loss. Hollow words, yes, but still heartfelt. *Heart*

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



I've never believed in soul mates, nor do I have confidence in love. My relationships have all been, uh, awful. I seem to attract the same kind of guy. The kind that likes to hurt or debase. For me, the best choice is to stay alone.

But then I come across a poem like yours, and I'm flabbergasted. I'm exalted, just knowing these feelings and relationships do exist, rare though they may be. I'm reassured that somewhere,somehow, a couple can live and love together.

Your entire poem, every word and thought, touched me in the dark place inside. I'm not expecting to see a difference in how my life plays out, expectations are not a good thing to harbor. Let's just say I feel better, yes, even in your grief you've shone a light.

From experience, I can say the loss, perhaps, becomes easier to bear. But the emptiness inside remains as a void.

It sounds like you've been married for a long time. That's marvelous. When my dad died, my mom's personality improved. She no longer had to worry about him. Sixty-eight years of tumultuous love. She misses him dearly, but no one can know exactly how another feels inside. I believe he was her soul mate, even though the relationship was difficult on the siblings.

Sorry I blabbed on. I'm sad that this poem is being reviewed for an anniversary of membership. I wanted to celebrate with you, but you've touched my heart, so that hopefully compensates for the juxtaposition.

Be at peace. *Heart*

~Nixie




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#1300305 by Maryann



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209
209
Review of Syl  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Arakun. Nixie here.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



I tried to find a more recent story, but this one kept calling out to me, so I indulged myself. Your wrote a beautiful story, so imaginative, I couldn't believe what I was reading. Maybe one of the genres could have been fantasy. Except, for the most part, kids books are fantasies.

It's so easy to write the garden was beautiful with lots of colorful flowers. That's not what happened here. You described every color and flower so vividly, I imagined myself walking with Sandy. I really had to work though, trying to reconcile a living statue, who only picks people who do understand and appreciate. Kinda cool.

Oh, I have to interrupt myself here and remark on the relationship between the two sisters. You made me smile with the 'hide and seek' line, and also Sandy knowing exactly why her sister wanted to 'go for a walk.' lol. I've done the same, a billion years ago, of course.

It was easy to love the grandmother, and it reminded me of my grandsons' shock when they realized I had a name other than Nana.

Wow, my comments are all over the place. One often reads about an echoing voice, but I've never heard it described as sounding as if coming from inside a barrel. Clever.

Oh, and the Big Bird's little sister comment made me laugh. What a vivid image. I think I once owned a dress like that. How wonderful for the cherub to see her as a flower. What a miracle to be accepted by nature. That's how I commune with the world. Well, one way. I bet Sandy could communicate because her grandmother did. Excellent story arc.

Imaginative and vivid. You really stretched my brain. *Laugh* Thanks for the read.





New identity for SPR

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#1300305 by Maryann



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210
210
Review of Night and Day  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Mara. Nixie here. I'm on an exploration for anniversary members I can't remember reviewing. So . . .

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



Good grief, it's so obvious why this story won the coveted first place. The words made me hurt everywhere for different reasons. I don't have any friends, other than those I meet here. I had a friend, a lifetime ago, but I moved from Maine to Florida, and that was it. In the way back, there wasn't even an internet.

Using backstory can be a dangerous hole to fall into when writing. You pulled it off brilliantly. The difference between the two girls was shown in several different ways. No telling here! Excellent and vivid word choices added to the sad, engrossing read. It was refreshing to find a story with no mistakes. One I could enjoy (which really isn't the right word) without editing in my head.

Friends for life. What a gorgeous thought. To always have someone there. And it was a bit of a shock to find out that Jewel could appreciate and enjoy a simpler, less elegant life. Both girls were so alive on this page.

I never expected the terrible twist at the conclusion. The words are still running through my head. I had to read that last part three times over, merely to convince myself that my understanding was accurate.

The scenes painted here were perfectly set. If I wrote every passage that made me 'feel' the entire story would be copy/pasted here.

Outstanding write. Inspirational for a reviewer; thanks so much for the read. Here's to hoping your anniversary month is full of delight and joy.





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#1300305 by Maryann



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211
211
Review of Doggy Kisses  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Nikola

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY (a little early) FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



When I think of doggie kisses, yuck comes to mind. (I'm a cat person.) But I could imagine a child's face lighting up while reading your poem. It's a heart breaker when a child is sad. They're not always easy to talk to.

I think it's great to have some sort of 'tradition' for these occasions. Kind of like a bedtime story. I would say, 'do you want me to read the Doggy Kisses poem to you?' (assuming there is a dog). I'd be prepared to buy a dog because your poem is so sweet, and if my child asked for a dog, well...I'm a sucker for kids.

Every emotion came through in your words, and the scene was easy to visualize. In my mind, the child was curled up in my lap, with the dog near by. My cat had to listen to every story read to my three children. It was a beautiful moment in my life.

The last two lines resonated with my feelings for doggy kisses. Ick, a wet face. And dogs' breath usually stinks. *Laugh*

It would be cool to see this written in a larger font. I had to squint a bit.

Also, how cool would this be if it were an illustrated poem. Kids would love it. And since the rhymes are simple and they flow, I bet it wouldn't be long before they could read it for themselves.

How about this for a closing? Since your anniversary isn't until the end of the year, I'm hoping my review might carry you all the way through.

Nice writing and a fun read.





New identity for SPR

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#1300305 by Maryann



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212
212
Review of Salvation  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Snow. Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020" 

Overall Impression
I'm always filled with excitement when your write is the one up for review. I've never found fault in any item, and each addition of yours to the activity brings me mixed emotions, curiosity, or enlightenment. Sometimes all three!


Thoughts
I'm fascinated by a writer's take on a prompt. I guess for this prose, I would start off with emotions evoked. Right from the first stanza, desolation wept. The mood was established as dark and broody.

As I read, thoughts tumbled around in my head. Would this piece end with disaster? But I remembered the title and found my answer. You painted a conflicting scene of desperation and hope. Clearly, the scene is one of the ocean, but I could also imagine these thoughts in a person's mind. Words that resound with that person's mood. I think we all experience moments of darkness. If we're lucky, we do see a buoy of light promising safety. Maybe I meditate too much, and that's the source of my observations. *Facepalm*

Excellent alliteration (my favorite poetic device) showed up in the last stanza, third line. That phrase flowed through my mind. In fact, the entire piece had the same effect. You created a simple (yet complex) work using the prompted form.

In closing
Two things. Thanks for the author's note. You're wise to read newsletters, and in this particular piece, you included the link to a contest. Very cool.

And lastly, I've no idea how you included all the words in your prose. The words did lend themselves to this theme, but still...well done! (as always).


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213
213
Review of A Paean to Summer  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Graham B. I am here with an *Official "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review.* Thanks for entering the contest!


The story didn't exactly begin as back story, but it had the feeling of it. I'm not sure what 'casting the Truthspeaker' means. I'm guessing the sorcerer was a traveling man, and he's telling his story in a place like a tavern?

I wondered if the story could have been shortened, because the sentence beginning with 'After a year-long search' sounded much more interesting than what is written prior to this. Something to ponder.

I've never read a story like this before! The plot was rich with sounds and smells that brought the story to life. Excellent job. All writer's strive to accomplish what you have here.

Thanks again for entering the contest!

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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214
214
Review of Know When to Fold  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, Mastiff I am here with an *Official "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review.* Thanks for entering the contest!

I'm not quite sure what happened here. The amount of going back and forth between the characters confused me. Maybe I need to learn more about how to play cards. Probably a card game such as this requires the amount of characters portrayed here.

Character descriptions came across loud and clear. I could see the action taking place, more of less. I like to see dialogue followed by action and then follow-up dialogue. Nicely done.

The stakes ran high and tension tightened when the computer only allowed Sean's input.

Paragraph spacing led to an ordered read, even if I experienced confusion.

I read this over several times and came to the conclusion that Sean created hell on earth.

Thanks again for entering!

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
215
215
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Words Whirling 'Round . I am here with an *Official "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review.* Thanks for entering the contest!

Okay, well, I read this story a few times over the last few days and every time I end up laughing at the clever take. I certainly hope a genie doesn't ask me because I'd be clueless. And some genies count every question, even questions about what can be wished for as a wish.

My one problem was the multiple uses of punctuation, rather than showing an exuberant reaction, or exclamation. Take a peek and see how many exclamation marks you count. *Wink*

The switching of POV's was easy to follow, and I liked hearing the genie's thoughts, because who knows what genies are really thinking.

Nice twist at the conclusion, and as a woman, I had to laugh. Ha! Let the men know. Woven in, I appreciated the further explanation of how Diego forgot what actually happened and let his 'memories' fill in the blanks. That's what life is, anyhow, right? A dream.

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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216
216
Review of Fame?  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, Sox and Sandals I am here with an *Official "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review.* Thanks for entering the contest!

Once the story began, it drew my interest. Remember to start at the beginning. Rather than write paragraphs about what happened in the past, it's possible to condense this to one paragraph and then launch into the story.

You can begin in the middle.
A car smashed into Cecilia's...you can choose a car that represents who she is. A Nova vs. his flashy display of a car.

Watch out for passive verbs and telling, rather than showing. Using dialogue helps a story move along.

Here's a tidbit that can help when you edit this. *Wink*
His attention was getting a little creepy.

Remember, less is more. And fiction is immediate.
Consider:
His attention creeped her out.

There were particularly sheep-like clouds floating across the sky at a pretty quick rate.
Consider:
Sheep-like clouds floated across the sky.

*Checkg* This is a fantastic line because the reader can relate to the smells, and 'see' the damage to the car.

The air smelled of spilled oil and antifreeze.

A condensed story would be more engaging. I related to Cecilia, and had the same feelings. I wonder why Sebastian was fixated on her?

A bit of polishing would help the story shine. *Smile*

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
217
217
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Sumojo . I am here with an *Official "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review.* Thanks for entering the contest!

The read was mostly predictable, with Harry's effort to own a dog thwarted time and again, for one reason or another.

Do you mind if I point out one thing that applies to the story? There's way too much telling going on here. Ask yourself what is important to the story> fir example, the paragraph about Fiona. Eliminating some words, a pared down sentence would read like this.
Harry married Fiona, the love of his life.

Some dialogue would work here. Harry can directly ask Fiona about the dog, rather than the reader being told what happened.

Watch out for passive verbs. Avoid distancing words like (decided).
Use action, not punctuation to show a character's reaction.

I admired Harry for finding a dog from the pound, rather than looking for a new pup. Ah, but the drawbacks. One never knows what the dog will be like. I can attest to that.

Gosh, poor Harry. Now what's he going to do with the dog?

The rating reflects the comments above. *Wink*

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
218
218
Review of Winner  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Odessa Molinari . I am here with an *Official "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review.* Thanks for entering the contest!

I enjoyed reading this story. It's well-written, comical, and easy to relate to.

So...about the phone call. I read your bio and learned you're from the UK, which answered one of my questions. I've never heard the term 'engaged' used for a busy number. In America, we listen to a computerized voice and wait for 'our turn'. The music is awful, but why was classical music inappropriate for this occasion?

Sheree's personality came across loud and clear. I'll admit to falling in love with actors. (I think that's the point). No men like those in films exist in real life. Good job demonstrating Sheree's size.

I never expected what happened when she arrived at the restaurant, waiting for Fernando. As I read, I thought, of course that's what would happen.

Rather than using the same 'woman in pants' repetition, I wished there had been more description. I'm guessing she's the assistant. That's the only drawback, as reflected in the rating.

Excellent twist, if ironic, at the conclusion.

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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Review of Madam President  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
"Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" 

I have a lot of respect for this story. The first American woman POTUS. Dreams are made of this.

Overall, the story was well-written and followed a believable plot. The characters descriptions where short enough not to be boring, and just enough to create a visual.

Because of TV, I carried on with the image of the room and the car.

I appreciate the effort of the first woman president to find a non-conflicting solution to multiple problems. But she sounded incredibly naive, or unprepared.

The last part of the story was not believable. Too much, too overwhelming. Honestly, if Russia launched nukes against America, a president would return the favor. No time for discussions or lengthy solutions. And I googled for hours to see if SAMS could take out a nuclear bomb. Some SAMS have nuclear warheads, so the world would be dead when those two collided.

Thanks for entering the contest. The author has a pleasant writing style that helped make this a good read.

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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Review of With My Own Money  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, THANKFUL SONALI Now What? . I am here with an *Official "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review.* Thanks for entering the contest!

Your title drew my eye. It created an aura of mystique.

What a wonderful and educational story. The plot and characters engaged me as I read. As always, I enjoy reading your stories for the cultural education and the plot itself.

I did wonder why Vishnu's family received the extra special treatment. Gosh, the servants slept on the stairs.

Excellent build-up to the candy-buying scene. It was obvious Vishnu was making some kind of mistake buying the expensive chocolate. And then I was curious about why that candy was so disliked.

What a turn-around for the conclusion. A wonderful lesson is learned and I admired Vishnu's mom for her insight so the story ended on a happy note. She said exactly the right words.

Well done, and congratulations on the second place win!

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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Review of Cooking Dinner  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there. I'm participating in this celebratory event. Anyone is welcome to review.
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Cute story and funny. Expectations from mother to daughter. What if the daughter wanted to be a rocket scientist? Obviously, the mom's assumption rankled her daughter. Adding in the word old-fashioned straightened out any doubt as to why a mom would make such a demand. And it started early in life, as I interpreted it.

Anyone who chooses cleaning the bathroom over learning to cook, really, seriously hates cooking. The stark contrast screamed the message.

I laughed reading this:
You’re welcome Nancy!

Do husbands still expect their wives to cook? What if they both work? What was the wife's name?

Excellent dollop of drama was added in by the ridiculous notion that the wife could replicate a restaurant meal. I would have started with burgers or hot dogs. It's those little details you added they keep the story going.

I've tried several reads, but I can't find a way for the [and] to make sense in this sentence. Hence, the docked 1/2 star.

... and I finally knew the answer.

Excellent and to the point conclusion. All aspects present for FLASH. Nicely done.



It was
My Pleasure tks.
to review your story.

~Nixie

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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi there. I'm participating in this celebratory event. Anyone is welcome to review.

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Hmm. What happened here? Words in sentences are missing. There's no spacing between sentences. If you so desire, email me and I'll point out the various problems.

Other than technical issues, this would be a great story for children. It loses impact without illustration, but visualizing it made me laugh. It's a total mystery as to why all this happened to Hannah. I was hoping for a twist, or some explanation.

I've had random kids point me out and tell their moms, 'she's a nice lady.'How that kid knew, or why he chose me, remains a mystery. So that could apply here, other than the fact that incident after incident occurs.

Descriptions were vivid with strong (mostly) strong verbs. The rescue of the cat really had me laughing. I clearly saw Hannah wiping away leaves (plural) (not leafs).

I wish this story could have a higher rating, but there's simply too many basic errors to overlook. Since you wrote this some time ago, maybe you'd prefer to forge ahead and make sure this doesn't happen again. If there's a reason for the errors that I didn't know about, I apologize.

Best of luck
~Nixie

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Review of Wiccan Ch. 8  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi Piratess. I'm playing.

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The problem with using random is that a reviewer can land anywhere in a person's portfolio. It's clearly stated at the top that this is chapter 8. I read it, and didn't pause to think how confused I would be by not beginning at the beginning.

And confused I was. I got all the characters' names mixed up, because Aisling's friends' names could have been used for a girl or a boy. (Of course by the end, I know who the guy was. *Pthb*

So, what can I offer after squinting to read this chapter? Firstly, I suggest a larger font for easier reading. (I use 3.5)

The beginning of anything works best if it starts with something being interrupted, rather than a person waking up late. Unless, that's tantamount to the plot. And that could very well be true.

Remember to show a person's feelings by identifying body language (clenched fists, confused expressions, picking at a napkin, biting fingers, you get the idea.) adding feeling in a sentence tag isn't the best option. It's a direct no-no.

The reader needs to be completely immersed in your dream world. Try to avoid adverbs, as they indicate a weak verb.

Here's one problem sentence.
Glancing at Bailey, Aisling realized that something was incredibly wrong.

What was Bailey's expression? (Eyes round? lips in a firm line, a furrowed brow? teeth clenched...) to name a few. Also the word (realize) pops up often, and it's a distancing word.

Fiction is immediate. In many places, dialogue would help get a writer out of this puzzle. For instance
Realizing that she must have slept through school, Aisling told the person knocking to come in.

Consider dialogue.

"Oh no. I overslept and missed school." or if you want to use internal dialogue
Oh no, I overslept and missed school.

This one definitely needs to be fixed or avoided in the future.
he whispered worriedly,
I'm not even sure what that means.

Some adverbs I noticed.
[really] didn't bother.

[presumably] Taylor had told...
"Taylor, you told Bailey."

Last example, so I don't overwhelm you.
The familiar tingling sensation [immediately] followed, along with a surge of electricity that flowed straight into his body.

You can skip that first part, and go right to
...a surge of electricity flowed into his body.

As you progress with the chapters, remember less is more. Be succinct. Use action, not passive verbs. Avoid filler words.

I'm not tattering your chapter to shreds. Rather, I wanted you to recognize pitfalls to avoid in the future. You have an interesting chapter here, that asks many questions of the reader. This helps propel them forward.

You can add links to the other chapters, making it a breeze to simply click and read (for example) chapter nine. And you can include links going back to Chapter seven, and so on.
Keep on writing. Don't ever give up! Especially after reading one review. And don't be afraid to ask for help. *Smile*

~Nixie


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Review of Outside the Box  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Aubrey. I'm playing.

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Pretty, pretty cover art, and an enticing brief description. You're off to a great start.

I really like surprise or twisted endings. And that's what happened when I reached the end. The girl in the story sounded so innocent. You were spot on to mention her age in the beginning. *Checkg*

I meditate every day, and I'm guessing this was what happened here. Opposite of this girl, thinking outside the box has brought me inspiration and wisdom. It's joyful to look beyond what's in front of us and imagine something different.

For this girl, her parents' message (that I totally disagreed with) thinking outside the box ended up being devastating. So, again, I wonder if this is happening in her head.

A few thoughts. This sentence can by pared down.
Remember, less is more.

I used to have parents before they died in a car accident to get groceries.

Consider:
[My parents died in a car accident.]
You have a decision to make. Does the fact that they were going grocery shopping add to the story? Does it make a difference?

But when they were alive, they always told me to never leave the box, for the world is a scary place, they said.

Two thoughts. ('always' is what we call a filler word, that adds nothing to the story.) Secondly, you don't need to add 'they said' at the end of the sentence. You already told us.

The overall impression of the work fascinated me, because I admired her bravery. When leaving the box the first time, she didn't give up. She tried again, to a disastrous conclusion. At that point, it sounded as if she's no longer in her head. You may want to clear up the confusion.

The concept of the experience leading her back to the beginning is an innovative one, in this story.

I did wonder why you wrote this line by line, and not in traditional story format. Maybe you wanted each line to have more impact. Your choice.

It's a good idea to fill out your bio and portfolio tab. It helps the reviewer. I hope you continue to 'play' here and reap the benefits. We're always excited when someone joins. We like to celebrate. So, a party hat for you. *Partyhatr*

You can click the link under my sig. It's one group among many. Maybe it's not for you, but take a look at some others. Make friends. Be happy.

Take good care of yourself,
~Nixie

New identity for SPR

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Review of Love Me  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Aubrey. I'm participating in this activity.

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First, welcome to WdC! You've found a haven to explore your feelings and expand your skills. Mostly, for me, this happens by writing for contests, but especially through reviewing.

I have a wonderful idea for you. Why not fill out your bio, or portfolio tab? Preferably both. Because with no input from you, I'd guess, by the innocence of this poem that you're quite young.

The stanzas have a pleasing lilt to them, each with a subtly different message. The rhymes work well, and keep the flow of the poem even. And you're correct, I'd prefer no promises, only actions to demonstrate love. I wouldn't expect a smooth ride, because that's not indicative of a true relationship.

This is a sweet message, but if you're upset because I deduced you're young, then you definitely need to give us some information. *Bigsmile* There's a difference between a new member who's never written vs. a new member who is seasoned.

I'm rating this a four because of the simplicity of the rhymes, even though I liked the message. Sometimes, thoughts pour from my brain to my fingers, and that's what this poem felt like to me. My suggestion would be to continue from here, and don't worry about editing this poem. (Unless you're so inclined.)

I like to tell new members how beneficial it is to review others, and the extra support you'll receive if you join a group. I belong to the one below, as you may gather. I have reliable friends there, who bring my joy, and prop me up when I'm falling.

Best of luck in all you do. Your presence is appreciated and celebrated. *Balloonb*

Warmest regards,
~Nixie

Damiana Matrix SPR

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#1300305 by Maryann






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