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My thoughts released; a mind set free |
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These pages contain my thoughts, from meandering ideas and persuasions to deep cerebrations and serious mentations. Why, for what purpose? To release my mind and set creativity free. Somewhere inside the constraints of my mind dwells a writer, a poet, an artist who paints with words. In here I release those constraints and set the artist free. Perhaps, lost somewhere in the depths of thought, is a story or a poem, waiting to be written. 
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| Not much time again, weekends are like that. I just cruised over from Facebook, where I ween a post declaring the poster ran out of weekend. I'm damn glad I did, I don't think I could take much more of it. Of course, it wasn't very busy today, but still a long day. Yesterday was nuts, that's the only way to describe it. Today was kind of cold, very wet, and now we add wind. It's blowing twenty to thirty, but gusting up to fifty. The only good part of it is it may just blow the stormy weather right on out of here. Not that it matters, rain or shine, I make the most of what I'm given. I do get to feeling more run down with the gloomy weather, but other than that, I don't mind. Besides, once the sun breaks through and the temperature climbs, it's going to be so muggy a person can't move without sweating. I'm kind of wishing our dry spell had stuck around. Anyway, not much to write tonight, just tired and ready to vegetate. |
| It's late so this will be a short entry. I had a long day, up at three and worked until five this afternoon, then a little shopping for a coffee pot before coming home. Ours quit this morning, with just under a half a pot brewed. Luckily we have a peculator pot we use for camping, and made coffee in that. Our waters very hard, and that makes it very hard on the drip coffeemakers. So, we just get cheaper models, but we do have to have a timer on ours. Getting up that early is a pain, but it would be even worse if we had to get up another half hour early to make coffee. Instead, we make it the night before, set the timer, and then get up to fresh brewed java. Things were a little rushed this morning as a result of the coffeemaker going out, but it will be good enough again tomorrow, now that we have a new one. Tomorrow will be nicer anyway, since I get to sleep in till five, and will be done by mid afternoon. Of course, I have some work I need to get done that I can only do at home, so I will actually have to work later, just not on site. Starting late tomorrow means I won't have much for time tomorrow morning, at work. Most mornings I'm there early, and it's pretty slow. So, now that they changed the rules, I can do some of the work I used to have to do from home in the mornings. Also, I can now do an entry right away in the morning, too. I can't log in here to do it, no wifi at work, but I can use my word processor and write a bit. |
| These twelve hour days just do me in. It's nice, I get a full week's wage and only work four days, but they really are tough. Of course, I would handle them better if I was feeling better. I'm not sure what kind of damage I did to my abdomen, but it's slow healing and Rhonda gives me until Monday, if no improvement, she said I have to go see a doctor. Other than a long day, and being totally beat, not much else for the day. I did get some paperwork done this morning at work, just need to print it off and laminate it, but I'm too tired. Besides, we stopped and did a little shopping after work, and it set us back another hour, an hour I didn't have to begin with. So, for tonight, it's head off to bed shortly, and hopefully tomorrow I can get the rest done. |
| I was doing so well, logging in and making an entry in here, daily. Even with little time, overworked and tired, I managed to make entries through the month, but yesterday I missed. It seems not a month goes by that I don't miss a day or more. But, for the first time in a long time, it wasn't work related. I had three days off work this week, but had to spend the first half of the first day off advising and consulting a new guard. I could have just left him on his own, he's trained and tested, but eight hours of training and cramming for the test isn't enough to get a person ready to work alone. So, I have made it a habit of mine to go in and advise and consult them for their first shift. It's usually a shorter shift, and I always explain that I am not on the clock, not getting paid, and can't help out since I'm not covered under workers compensation. I also add, that as soon as they feel comfortable enough, they can let me know and I'll go home and enjoy the rest of my day. Not one ever has let me leave before they are done with that first shift. But, I don't mind, it's a bit of a hassle for sure, but a small investment to make. And, if they can then work solo, it means I have less work and more time off. Tuesday, it ran over, and I ended up assisting the second person for a while, too. It was just one of them things, and by the time I finally got home, the day was half over, I was plenty tired, and in dire need of a nap. After I woke, it was a relaxing evening, a fire, and some time with Rhonda. Wednesday then, was my first actual day off with no work. Again, i was able to share it with Rhonda, and we enjoyed the day. But, we had a lot of work around here to catch up on; the lawn was up at the top. Our grass was a foot or more tall in most places, and it needed to be mowed down. With rain forecast for today, it only made sense to cut the grass yesterday. Day off or not, it needed to be done. So, we enjoyed a nice morning, sleeping in some, coffee, and just relaxing. Then, it was a trip into town to pick up a new blade for the rider. I ended up getting two blades, one for bagging and one for mulching. Then, since it was a day off and our first day off together in months, I took my beloved out for brunch. Once home, we serviced the mowers and put a new blade on the rider. Then we set out to cut down the overgrowth we called a lawn. I knew it would be slow going, being so tall, but it actually went pretty good. The new blade made quite a difference. Being sharp was a big part of this, but being a mulching blade also helped it clear through the tall overgrown lawn. It also prevented that terrible clumping that takes place when the grass is so tall it plugs the mower. Three hours of mowing did the trick, not a lot longer than normal. Of course, I believe the new blade will speed up the normal mowing time, too. That's alright with me. I don't mind mowing, but I do have plenty of other things I can utilize that time for. By the time I got off the rider, and we did take a couple of breaks, I was in sorry shape. My recent accident had me in pretty rough shape, and all the jostling and bouncing over this rough yard did a number on me. By the time I finished, I was moving pretty slow, and the stiffness was settling in fast. We relaxed on the patio for a while, then moved in to the house and got ready to shower. The lawn is composed of half grass and half assorted weeds, or possibly more. Being tall made the effects worse, and mowing with sustained winds in the thirties and gusting into the forties had us both full of debris and feeling the results of allergic reactions. Nothing serious, just dirt and dust in our eyes and nose, itchy skin and lots of sniffling. So a shower was in order. it was during my shower that I first began to notice the ill effects of sitting on the rider for three hours and bouncing my still healing body. I began to get a severe headache which soon combined with dizziness and a sick to my stomach feeling. Luckily, Rhonda had gotten in the shower with me and was now able to help me finish washing. I had become just unstable enough to risk falling without holding on to something. She helped me finish up, dry off, and get sat down, then finished her shower and checked on me. I was doing alright, but not going anyplace; still dizzy, still sick, and still suffering a severe headache. I sipped on water and after a while the sickness subsided. But, in it's absence, I found my body ached in all the areas that had been injured by my fall. I had overdone it, and was now hurting bad. The headache, however, was the worst of it. It stemmed from my neck and shoulders being strained, and now, restrained from all that mowing. Also, my bruised abdomen, both inside and out, had taken a lot of shaking up, which accounted for the sick feeling. Second to the headache was y two broken toes. The bouncing and use of them on the rider had them hurting worse than they did when I first broke them. A light dinner helped out some, as did sipping water and settling back on the love-seat. Some over the counter pain medication helped ease the headache a little but not much. It continued into the night, and was still present this morning when I got up around sunrise. I took some more over the counter medication and returned to bed, waking later this morning with just a slight ache left over from yesterday. That's why I didn't write yesterday, not just time, although that was a factor, but the pain and misery I was in just didn't allow for any thought or activity. I did enjoy our run into town, and brunch with my wonderful wife was the highlight of the day. It was also great to get the grass all mowed down, although I could have done without the rest. But, it needed doing, and time was limited. We finished about an hour before it began to drizzle out a bit, and shortly after dinner, it was raining. Today has been a wet and rainy day all day; no way we could have done any yard work today. I do know that I will have to restrict myself next week when we mow again, and with the rain, it will need it within the week. But, it will go faster next time, and I know I have to give myself more time to heal before I push myself like that again. I'll set a limit and mow for a half hour, then take a break and relax for a bit. Then, I'll go for another round, continuing like this until the work is done. I'll also be more likely to get my journal entry done, either during a break, or after I finish, as I had intended this last time. If I had felt better, I would have written after my shower, after all. |
| It's kind of late for me getting in here again. Of course, that's been more normal than getting in early, but today it was for a different reason. Normally I'm late because I work all the damn time. Today I finally had a day off; the new guard we hired and trained yesterday will work three of my morning shifts so I can take a few days off each week. Trained on Monday, and in to open this morning, only we don't train for opening, and there is so much information packed in that eight hour training session, it's intimidating. So for my first day off, I went in to work, off the clock because it is a day off, but still at work to go through the opening with him. Also, I have since I took the position of supervisor, stayed on site for a new guards first shift. I tell them it's their shift, I'm just there to consult as needed, and as soon as they feel comfortable, I'll go home. Of course, they all want me to stay for the entire shift, and it's a nice way to get to know them a bit, since I seldom see them unless our shifts are in sequence or there's a problem. Today it would have been until ten this morning, but the guard scheduled to come in became confused and thought he was scheduled at eleven. This is do to the constant flux we have had in the schedule this spring, and I'm surprised it hasn't happened more. But he did make it in by ten-thirty, after I called him. Just as he came on duty, a messed up return came into the yard, and I knew it was going to be a mess, especially for a new guard, so I took care of that. By then another messed up order came in, that was scheduled to be delivered. A good chance to train on this, so I stayed. It turned out to be a little after noon by the time I finally got out of there. Noon. Still plenty of time to get logged in and write in here, so why so late? Well, I did make a short stop to pick up a few things before coming home. Then, once I was home, I was in dire need of nutrients, so Rhonda and I had lunch. Our shifts prevent this most of the time, and being so over worked, it's been seldom to rare that we have had a day to share lunch together. After, she was tired and wanted a nap. She worked a very long shift yesterday so I could take it easy and heal a bit. Of course, I kind of undid all that good this morning, but that seems to be the way things go. Anyway, she didn't get off work until almost eleven last night, and by the time we got home, I gave her a ride, it was pushing midnight. Again, we grabbed a bite to eat before bed, finally getting to sleep around twelve-thirty or one this morning. So she was tired, even though she went back to bed for a while this morning after I left to go in and advise and sit with the new guard. Just a lot of hours and little sleep, so a nap was in order. I had been going on two hours of sleep last night, so I was more than ready to get a few more hours of sleep myself. We got up about four, or four-thirty for me, and then it was a cup of coffee on the patio to wake up a bit. It's nice out, but a little cool, with rain and south winds in the forecast, so it was looking like the only chance to have a fire for the week. We sat and watched the flames, sipped on Pepsi after our coffee and enjoyed a nice, aromatic fire, having some birch we purchased a few days back. That's why I'm late getting in here, I was enjoying a fire, the wonderful company of my beautiful wife, and just relaxing for a while. It's been a long time, and it was the best afternoon we have shared in months. Now, it's time for dinner, or actually, past time for dinner. being late, it will be something light and quick. Then, a little Mash on Netflix or maybe we will watch an hour of "The Winds of War" tonight before turning in. |
| I'm glad I wrote in here when I did yesterday, I didn't get much of a chance after I returned home. I had an easy day, and since it was slow at work, didn't even have to clock in. But, my wife, Rhonda did have to work, and a long shift, too. I would have switched out with her, but I knew she wouldn't let me. Mother's Day or not she wasn't about to let me do anymore than I had too. I was able to work this morning, but I'm off the clock now. Rhonda came in early to do some training with a new hire, and I got to clock out early, again. Pretty spoiled I reckon. Actually, it's a result of my fall the other day, and having a lot of bruising as well as two confirmed broken toes. Being off the clock means I can go home early, but not until after we get all the paperwork done on the new guy. Once that's done, I have to fax it to the office, then I can head home. So, for the time being, I'm just hanging out with the two dogs, in the van. The weather is cold and wet, so it's not a problem to bring them in, and they love to come with so much. Speaking of weather, we had some nasty stuff come through yesterday. It was a cold, wet day from the start, but by afternoon, sever storms began to form all over the eastern side of the state. It was kind of interesting to see the warnings for flash flooding, hail, lightning, strong winds, and tornadoes on this side of the state, while the western half was under blizzard warnings. That's right the state splits east and west along the Missouri River, and this line also determined who was getting severe spring storms and who was under severe winter storms. We came out fine, no serious damage in our hometown or in the town we work in. A lot of rain and some wind, but nothing damaging. We had a nice dinner and went home. Sometime during g the night, there must have been a pretty good storm move through the area, it knocked out some power and raised havoc on the computers at work. If it went over us, I slept right through it, and Rhonda must have, too, she didn't say anything. More of the same today, cold, rainy, with storms developing all over this side of the state. So far it's been drizzling and light rain, some wind at times, but nothing more. It can stay that way, too. I don't mind watching a good storm, but I don't like to see people suffer damage as a result. Also, the farmers just got done planting, and any severe weather is going to really mess things up for them. XXX Update Wouldn't you know, the phone had to ring just as I finished the paperwork and was just getting ready to head home for the rest of the day; my works done except to give Rhonda a ride home later this afternoon. the guy who works tonight called in, said he had a family emergency, and can't work tonight. So, up at three this morning, home by one this afternoon, and back in to close up tonight. This is going to be one long day. I had a light lunch, and now I'm going to try and grab a couple hours of sleep before I go back in for another stretch. It's cold, it's wet, and I have a long night ahead of me... XXX Update II Our new trainee passed with flying colors. Rhonda sent a text, then called when she went on break, the new guy is doing great. She was going to have him stay a little later tonight than what he was scheduled, but she told me he was pretty tired looking. Not so much physical work, but a lot of mental work for him today. Even so, she informed me he is doing terrific, and thinks he will work out great. She also told me to stay home until it's time to go get her. What a great woman. She knows I'm not feeling very well yet, suffering quite a lot of pain after my fall. She also knows that it would be kind of a waste for me to go in and relieve her, adding yet another trip of fifty miles to our day. She stated that she wouldn't likely waste the gas to drive home anyway. I'll get up and go in tomorrow morning, so she can sleep in. Also, she is scheduled to have the day off, unless the guy that called in today calls in again tomorrow. He did tell me that he would be in tomorrow, and I'll assume he will, based on that. So, I have some time now. I had put a ham in the oven a little while ago, timing it so it would be done when Rhonda got home. Instead, I'll lower the heat and slow cook it until we both get home later tonight. Nothing fancy, just a hot ham sandwich while we relax for a half hour or so before going to bed. I'm going to be one tuckered pup tomorrow, but then should have plenty of time to get a nap in after I get home, and then the afternoon and evening with Rhonda. Also, since I won't be working tomorrow, just there to answer questions and provide a little on the job training, it shouldn't be real bad. Also, when we have two people on, it tends to go by faster. Tuckered, yes, but not as exhausted as I have been many times lately. |
| Not much time this morning, but enough to get a short entry started. I normally would be at work on Sunday morning, but there was a change to the schedule, and I won't have to go in until noon. Of course, it's about time to get ready and go if I'm to be there by noon. I talked to Rhonda, and it's a slow day, so I may not even be needed. Even so, I want to have lunch with her, and then after work, I'm planning on taking her out to dinner. After all, it's Mother's Day, and she is the fines mom I know. If I would have known years ago, I would have went and found her and changed the course of history for both of us. I know, things work according to a greater plan. That's the fiction writer in me, I reckon, always looking at things from a fantasy viewpoint. Anyway, no time to write more now, I have to go have lunch with a beautiful lady. Of course, since it's at work, it will be strictly professional. But after work, well lets just say it will be a much more enjoyable dinner, even if we are both still in our work uniforms.  Oh, and one last thing before I go... Happy Mother's Day to all the moms on Writing.Com  I have a few minutes before Rhonda is done with work, so I thought I would add a little more in here. I'm sitting in the van, beside Target, typing on my little netbook, so this is not a fast entry, by any means. I came in to supply double coverage, but it was not needed today. Even so, I had a nice lunch with my wife, who shouldn't have to work on Mother's Day. But, if the new hire does not work out, it's needed to keep my hours down. Also, because of my recent accident and injuries, I'm not in the best condition for working. I would, but she wouldn't let me if I had tried. That's the kind of wonderful person she is, and I'm very lucky to have her in my life. She even talked about assisting me tomorrow morning, if needed. I think I can manage, but she will be there to help anyway. The only part of my work day I'm not sure of is opening the overhead doors. I should be alright, but I just don't know if my abdomen will handle the strain of lifting those heavy doors. One more day, and then some time off, I hope. Also, I coninced her to give me through Monday to see how well I'm healing from my injuries. If they are still causing problems tomorrow, I will be seeking medical attention, and likely be out of work for a while. I believe I'm healing, and should be fine. Even so, it's going to be a while before this deep bruising is gone and I can function at a normal level again. As for the broken toes, again, if I can manage them, I will, but if they don't heal, I'll have to go in and have them reset... Ouch! Now, it's time to take a very beautiful lady out to dinner. "Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." |
| I have a few minutes, so I thought I would get in here and make an entry, just in case I don't make it back in later. Normally I would be at work right now, but Rhonda switched out with me. She's doing the twelve hour shift and I'm going in to provide double coverage, if needed. If not, I'll try and get some of my other work done. It was nice not working a long shift today, after my little mishap. I'm pretty stiff and sore, and it would have been hell to work twelve hours today. Tomorrow and Monday I'm only scheduled for nine hours, and if it's slow, may not have to work that long either day. Also on Monday, we start a new person, and I'm hoping he works out. It will mean a nice break from this six and seven day work week, time off with Rhonda, and more time to get in here and do some editing and writing. Also, the company that hires our service has changed the no electronics at work policy, so I can now use my phone and a tablet at work. I don't have a tablet, but I do have a netbook that I can do most of my work on. The policy states the general manager can make exceptions, and he said it was alright to use my netbook on site. I spent the morning setting it up, transferring files, and getting it ready to be a work station. Now, I can do most of my off site activities on site. I guess that means I can't call them off site anymore, however. I won't have internet access, or the ability to print or scan anything from work, but I can save to the drive and do all that later. This should reduce the amount of time I now spend working off site and from home by about 75%, maybe even more. Once again, things are looking up. Now, if the new hire works out... |
| Good news and bad news. The good news is I gave a young fella an interview today, and it's looking like he may be just what we're looking for. With the situation as it is, and no other candidates, this is real good news. He will start training on Monday, and hopefully things will work out. The bad news isn't about work, it's about a little mishap last night. We put a piece of plywood in the doorway to contain the dogs, so they don't run up and down the stairs all night and keep us up. It's about three foot high, and works pretty well. It's not attached, just set up against the frame to hold it in place. Sometime last night, caught in a dream of the phone ringing and the answering machine picking up, I half woke with a jump and exited the room at a fast pace. Only in my half sleep state, I did not move the piece of wood. I impacted hard enough to topple me right onto it, then forward onto the floor as the wood gave way under my weight. I'm bruise in more places than I can count, especially the abdomen. I may also have broken a few toes, and seem to have multiple strains and sprains. Being so sore, it's difficult to sit up like this for any amount of time, and with all the bruises and sprains, it's kind of difficult to type, too. So, for the next few days, I'll likely be doing some short entries. Seeing as to how I'm working some long days for the next three days, I'm not going to have much time to write anyway, so I guess it's a balance. |
| As I have mentioned before, things were finally looking up for some time off and easier hours at work, but the night before our first day off in months, the guy sent a text stating he quit. I ran in and covered for him while Rhonda took the day off, kind of. She didn't have to come in and work, but she did drop me off, call another guard to come in earlier, and then came back to pick me up when I got done. Today, she worked the opening shift so I could get a day off. I also drove her in to work and went back to pick her up. I was going to spend the morning getting a bunch of stuff done for work, but I was so tired I couldn't focus. So, I spent the morning sleeping. Then, after I got up, I went and got Rhonda. We did a few minutes of shopping before we came home, picking up some items for dinner. Once we got home, she wanted to take a nap. I snuggled her and tucked her in, and the next thing I know, it's one-thirty. Yes, I fell back to sleep. I guess I needed the sleep, and I do feel better, but so much for getting anything done for work. Oh well, it will still be here tomorrow. For now, I'm going to spend the rest of the afternoon with my wife, make a nice dinner, and then relax for a little while before bed. |
| Okay, first of all, up until eight-thirty last night, Rhonda and I were off for today and tomorrow. It's been months since we have been able to take even one day off together. We finally got a guy hired who wanted hours, but then he started having some personal problems. I was cooperative and willing to bend in any direction to help him out. Earlier this week, he called, things were getting better, but he could only work two days, and wanted to cut the hours short from what we had originally scheduled him. No problem, I informed him. Since he has been out for a while, I told him I would get up early and meet him at work this morning, do a review of things, fill him in on some policy changes, and we could talk about a workable schedule for him. Everything was set, and yesterday, early afternoon, I called to reconfirm things. He didn't answer his phone, so I just left a message in voice mail for him to give me a call and let me know how things were going. Nothing, so I assumed he was still going to work today and tomorrow. I got up early and prepared to drive in to talk to him, then return home so Rhonda and I could enjoy our first of two days off. I seen a missed message on my work phone so I checked it. Eight-thirty last night he sent a text, "I quit." No explanation, no call, nothing but a short text stating he quit. He turned in his gear last night at the store shortly after he sent the text. What? After all the trouble and bending over backwards trying to make things easy for him during this difficult time and he cannot even call me and tell me what's up? Seriously, I quit by text? I tried to call him to see what was up, but as soon as he knew who was calling he hung up and has not returned my call. Luckily I was up and ready to go in, or it would have been a big problem. So much for a day off, and now it's back to looking for someone to hire, again. I just don't get it -- what changed? So, I did not have a day off, did not get anything I was planning on taken care of, and now have a ton of work to add to my already overloaded pile. XXX Okay, I got a chance to vent earlier, and from there I didn't do a damn bit of work. Well, not for the job and the company. Tomorrow I'll be writing a letter to Mr. Vice President of said company and asking why I have not been compensated for my hard work in three years, why they expect as much as they do for the pay the give, and I will also ask him a couple of questions about how I'm suppose to get any down time if I need to keep my phone turned on twenty-four-seven. I hope he has some good answers, or my next correspondence will be for someone to come and take over this mess, I'm burned out and about to resign. They have to allow a guy to shut off his phone in the evenings, on his days off, and not have to be responsible for covering for everything under the sun, not for the pay rate I get. But enough on that! I just renamed this blog/journal, and I just started an attempt to talk about something other than work. But, the way things are right now, I do not have a life outside of work. I no more than started getting into a little creativity, and all hell broke lose -- again! What else do I have to write about? Well let see, I work. When I'm not at work, or working from home, I'm sleeping or vegetating in Netflix, half asleep. That's about it, except for trying to hold things together around the house, but even that's slipping further and further behind. Nope, this is going to stop; one way or the other. I'm going to reclaim my life; no matter what it takes, I'm going to have a life outside of work very soon. |
| Things are looking pretty good for the rest of the week, but it's been tough getting here. Today was a nice change, I was done work after five hours, and had a nice, slow day at work. After the last couple of days, I was feeling exhausted and needed to catch up on some rest, so after I ate a sandwich for lunch, I took me an un-alarmed nap. I anticipated sleeping for an hour, maybe a little more, but instead woke after three hours of deep sleep, feeling a lot better. It's interesting how things change a person's outlook. For example, I've gotten to the point that anxiety attacks me when the phone rings. Over the last two years, it's been the main source of my time off interrupted, and having to go back into work. Last night we had turned in early, about eight o'clock. This would be our normal bedtime if things worked right, since we get up at three. But, things have been working against us, and we have been getting to bed around nine, ten, and even a little later. Last night, things worked well for us, and we headed off to bed a few minutes after eight. Even though we were both very tired, we took a few minutes to snuggle and cuddle, since we have had so little time to interact in this way for a long time now. I was fighting sleep, holding fast to the moment, and looking forward to a surrender of my will, and letting myself slip into sweet slumber. Then, I heard the phone ringing, and instantly I knew, there would be no days off this week. My heart rate jumped instantly, I felt a wave of panic I had to quickly face and contain, and I knew without a doubt, something had happened at work and we would not be able to take out time off this week, again. I tried to ignore these thoughts, and I tried to persist in staying in bed and not even looking to see if they had left a message. But, I couldn't; I knew sleep would not come until I checked for a message, and knew what it was about. So, I got up, came downstairs, and looked at the phone. The light was flashing, "1 Message". I pressed the play button with dread, to hear an unrecognized voice babbling about what-ever! Just a junk call -- phone spam. It was nothing, and I could relax once again. I poured myself a half a glass of water, went to the bathroom, and then returned to bed. Snuggling up to Rhonda, I tried to fight the thoughts that continued to invade my head -- still one whole day for things to go wrong. Exhaustion took over and I drifted into a bit of troubled sleep. I wasn't awake, but I wasn't fully asleep. Thoughts of what could go wrong continued to assault my semiconscious mind until they created a dream state where I was sleeping in on my first day off with Rhonda in months. The phone was ringing and I could hear the answering machine recording a message that no one had shown up for work to open the yard. My eyes popped open, but even as I opened them, I knew it was all just a dream. I snuggled closer to my wife, who was now deep in sleep. I focused my thoughts to pleasant things and as I pictured in my mind's eye, her and I snuggled together in the evening, a fire crackling in front of us, and the red and purple horizon ablaze in the distance. We didn't talk, we just watched the fiery orb as it was slowly absorbed into the distant line of trees. The sky burned brighter, the colors more vivid as it vanished below the edge of the world, then darkness raced in to fill the void. Shadows grew as darkness surrounded us, held back slightly by the flickering flames. Soon, darkness took over all, and I was deep in sleep myself. I woke once during the night, to use the bathroom. It was pretty early this morning, and I never did go back into a deep sleep, I suppose I had slept my allotted time and my body thought it was time to rise and glow. I have not been able to get nearly enough sleep for a long time, and there has been no rise and shine for just about as long. I manage a glow some mornings, that's about it. I know I slept, because I wasn't awake, but I wasn't lost in sleep, either. I lie there, suspended between wake and sleep for how ever long it was before the alarm went off. I would guess it was a half an hour, but time has no measure in that half wake-sleep state. I was very tired at work, but managed to keep myself alert. A good thing, too. Unbeknownst to me, we were having a security audit by the store we are assigned to. They tried to rip us off, and I nailed them. I've been waiting for one of these secret shop-lifters for a long time. I knew they did this from time to time, but today it was my turn and they tried to slip past me. After he showed his ID, we had a brief talk, then he left and later returned with a security monitor and we had a nice talk. The perfect end to my last day at work before getting two whole days off with Rhonda. It's four in the evening and no calls or changes. But, because of the way things have panned out, I will have to get up early, run into work and go through an opening procedure with the guy who has been missing so much. I also have to update him on a change to phone use policy and then it's back home, and enjoy the day off. Thursday I plan on no alarm and sleeping until I wake. I hope this continues, and we can finally get back to a routine schedule. |
| Another long day, but not as bad as I thought it would be. I clocked out at one this afternoon, but needed to stay on site to talk to the new guard for about an hour. He was scheduled to come in at two, but misunderstood the schedule and came in at one. It worked out, since I was planning on clocking out at one anyway. It also means Rhonda will get to clock out sooner than we expected. That means I get to go home sooner since I'm waiting to give her a ride. It also means we get a little more time together. That's good, because I'm exhausted after yesterday. My day off helped but I need more than one day off. At least two, and they need to be at the same time as Rhonda's. I'm planning on a take-it-easy kind of night, and being in bed early. I have plenty to do, but I'm too tired too do anything without making more work for myself. Besides, tomorrow will be a short day and I want to be rested up enough to enjoy it. There's a trade off, it means I'll have to do some of my work tomorrow. But, if I also take some time to set up work on this computer, I can do a lot of things fro work. Now, it's time to stop fighting sleep, I'm about falling over typing, so time to log off, put my head back, and nap for twenty minutes. Then Rhonda is done and we can go home. |
| That's just not right! I had started my entry here, then got a call and had to run. I saved and closed down my computer, then returned to pick things back up, and there's no entry. It's just not right I tell ya, just not right. I suppose I either didn't have the title in or I just shut down my browser to fast and it didn't get a chance to save. Luckily, I didn't have a lot written. I had expressed my tiredness working a long day today. I was pretty sure it would be a long day, so I brought my netbook in with me. I'm off now, just waiting for Rhonda to finish work because we are riding together for a while. I need to do some work on my Jimmy, but just have not had time t do it. I did get some god news at from work, they are going to let us use our phones and we can have tablets and e-readers at work now. No laptops, but I did ask about this, my netbook. The assistant general manager thinks it will be fine, since it's not much more than a tablet with an attached keyboard. He said he would double check with the general manager, just to make sure. If this is alright, it will save me a lot of time and headaches. Currently, we cannot have our phones, not even the supervisor. So, if something comes up, no one has any way to reach me while at work. Now that has changed, and I can use my phone at work. Even better, since I have to do most of my paperwork on my computer, I end up doing it after I get home. Some of it will still need to be done from home, but if I can have this netbook at work, I can do most of my stuff while at work. The mornings are very slow for the first couple hours, plenty of time for me to get some work done. The guy who's been out for medical reasons called yesterday. It was my day off, but I didn't mind taking a business call from him. His boy is finally doing better and it sounds like he will be able to start picking up some hours again. It sounds like things are finally starting to work for me instead of against me. Now, if they just continue in this direction, I'll actually have some time to do a few things other than work real soon. It's hard not to be excited, yet at the same time, I don't want to set myself up for disappointment, either. |
| Let's see how this goes today. It's nine-thirty on a Saturday and I just got up twenty minutes ago. I was up at quarter to five to see Rhonda off to work, then went back to bed around five-thirty. That's a whole lot of sleep for me, and it's the first time in a long time I arose from bed without the use of an alarm, and feeling refreshed. Today is the first day I have had off since April first, and I have no plans for anything today. I'm not even sure about having the day off. I do have it off, but it's not registering in my head yet. I keep thinking I have to watch the clock, so I can get ready to go in and work in a few hours. That's been the only exception to me working every morning for the last month, a few days I had to fill in at eleven, and one day at ten. Even my last day off is kind of puzzling -- April first. Seriously, my last day off was April Fool's Day. Was that some kind of coincidence? Perhaps the reason is simply fate, and that's how the cards landed. But if that's how this world operates, by fate and by chance, then everything is out of control; chaos. That is an accepted school of thought, that all existence and everything is strictly fate. Darwin's theory of evolution, as well as the big bang theory follow this train of thought. In the beginning there was nothing, then it exploded and evolved into what and where we are today, in time. I don't follow that train of thought at all. I believe in a creator, who through plan and purpose, brought all things into existence. I mean, after all, if there was nothing, and it exploded, there would not be a universe, there would be nothing. If you doubt this, listen to Billy Preston's song, Nothing From Nothing. Sure, the rhythm may be out of your liking, or maybe you find it a catchy tune, but the message is clear, nothing from nothing leaves nothing, and that's the point I wanted to make. Like Billy states, you gotta have something or you got nothing. This means, the chaos theory is out. Don't get me wrong, it does exist, but it's only a secondary system. There is the original and omnipotent plan of God that created and oversees all things, and there is the secondary plan of Satan, the chaos plan that he uses to try and defeat God's perfect plan. That's why there can be chaos in perfection, and why evil exist in good. It also means that while chaos can infiltrate our lives, there is a higher power that we can turn to to set things right once again. This means then, that although something may exist outside of God's plan, He allows it because His plan is perfect and it serves His purpose in the end. Now, back to my question, if April Fool's Day was the last day I had off, is there more to it than chance? Well, it could be that chaos has infiltrated my life and is trying to get me to turn from God's plan, or it could be a hint that only a fool would work this kind of job, with these kind of demands, at the pay rate I'm compensated. What do you think, a fool? Or, is it some evil plot to dissuade me from the path set before me? Perhaps it's a little of both, after all, God has a divine sense of humor and only a fool would let something change the course of their life away from Him and His plan. What do I think? I do not believe in chaos, I believe all things serve a purpose and only by our own choice do we veer away from the path God set for us. That means there's a reason for things being the way they are, and I see how hard it's been for me not only this spring, but for a long time now, for me to pursue my dream to write. Chaos has intervened and does it's best to prevent me from following that path, but I know that in the end, it is my choice and mine alone. I can throw in the towel and say it's just too difficult, it's not meant to be, or I can look at the opposite way, it's meant to be but chaos is trying to prevent me from following that path. How do I find the answer, by meditation and prayer, and by being honest with myself. I have a talent, a gift that was given me. The only reason anyone or anything would try and prevent me from using it would be to try and corrupt my faith and belief in God's plan. The answer then, is my choice. I can become discouraged and lose my faith through this difficult time and become a fool, or I can endure this chaos for the time it takes to run it's course, and be blessed for staying the course. I'm tempted at times to throw in the towel, there's no time to write or do anything. Other times, I'm tempted to give my boss two weeks notice and be done with this job; they do not compensate me even half of what I should get for the job I do. But in the end, I hold to my faith and endure it all, knowing that this chaos in my life will soon end, and my faith will be rewarded. He will compensate me for what's due, but only if I persist in my faith and His plan. If I fail at faith, I let chaos win and then chaos will control my life.... |
| I'm here, but it's eight o'clock already. I just did a twelve hour shift, came home and sat out on the patio for a little while with Rhonda, then we took a shower and ate dinner. Now, I have just a few minutes to write in here before turning in for the night. I pulled a double shift so Rhonda could have a day off, and it was beautiful weather to be outside and doing things. She has the patio cleaned up, the pond cleaned out, and after I got home we hooked up the hose and filled it. It's not much of a pond, one hundred gallons or something like that. But, we have a fountain in it, and with the privacy fence up now, it's nice to just relax in teh fresh air and listen to the sound of the fountain. I would love to sit out longer, but Rhonda is going in to work for me tomorrow, so we will have to be up at three again. That means it's time to put my lady to bed, snuggle her for a little while, holding her as she drifts off to sleep. One of these weeks, things are going to work out and we will both get to take a day or two off together. It's been a long time, and I am sure looking forward to it. |
| I'm heading straight in here today, since I didn't get anything done in here yesterday. I had a long day and was just to exhausted by the time I got home last night. Today helped, I was done work and out of there by 9:00. I enjoyed a few hours with my wife before she had to go in to work, and then I slept the rest of the afternoon away. But, I feel better; not as stiff and sore, and actually feel rested again. Just in time, too! Tomorrow I pull another twelve hour shift. On the bright side, I have Saturday off. It was very nice to get done work and be heading home by 9:00 this morning. Once home I sat out on the patio with Rhonda and enjoyed a cup of coffee. Then she started brunch while I set up for our next schedule, in between cooking the pork chops, she assisted me and it was done in less than a half an hour. Then it was time to eat; this was the first lunch we have enjoyed together since the third week in February. That was the last time we had a day off, together. Even though today wasn't a day off, it was nice to have those afternoon hours to share before she went in to work, and I laid down to nap. If things work according to the schedule, we should have a couple of days off together, next week, but so far things have not worked according to schedule. Even so, we continue to stay positive on this. It's been rough, no days off yet this month for Rhonda, her last day off was March 31. My last day off was on April 1, but my last day off with Rhonda was back on February 25. I don't remember if it was an actual day off, or if there was work for me to do from home, there often has been. It's amazing how much I get to missing our time. We are not just husband and wife, we are also best friends and share so much together. Now, with the nice weather coming in, I find myself longing for time spent with her as it was in past springs. Morning coffee out on the patio, listening to the song birds as the sun rises in the east. Working side by side to clean up the yard, taking our breaks together in the shade of a tree, and spending evenings in front of a fire as we talk about how much e got accomplished that day, or perhaps discuss our plans for the next day. Luckily, we have so many wonderful memories to share at times like these. We miss each other, me working from five until she comes in, working until five that night. By the time she commutes home, it's six o'clock or after, and about time for bed. Some days it's all day, I go in and open, work half the day and then she comes in and works the second half, until closing. So, until we get our schedule working again, it's mostly memories. But, it also means that when the time comes, we will enjoy making new memories even more. |
| Look at the clock! No, it's not wrong, it's right on. I'm just home this early. I got home, changed out of my work cloths, made a sandwich and finished eating it, now, it's time to start my entry in here, and all before one o'clock in the afternoon. It even feels strange to be home this early in the day, but I can get used to it very easy. So, what am I going to do with all this time? I'm going to go take a nap. Yes, a nap. I'm exhausted from the last few weeks, or month, or how ever long it's been now. Also, I was up past midnight last night, up at three this morning, and fighting sleep at work as well as all the way home. In order to even think coherently, I need sleep. XXX I slept very hard and deep, getting some much needed rest. I barely woke to the phone ringing. Well, it actually makes a different noise, but for some odd reason we continue to say the phone is ringing, a leftover from years gone by when all you had was a bell. Anyway, I digress. I slept very well, and had my wonderful slumber disrupted by that evil devise, the phone. No, it's not always evil, but it seems it makes the most noise when I'm sleeping and in dire need of it, when I'm in the zone writing, and when I'm engaged in deep thought or activity. It's at these times that it seems the calls are always just spam. Today it wasn't spam, it was the guard who is having some family problems. He is suppose to work tomorrow and Thursday, but called to tell me his son took a turn for the worse, and is now in a lot of pain. Still not a single answer to what is going on, and no response to medications and treatment. Therefore, he is not going to be back to work this week. We are in South Dakota, he is in Minnesota. This means another last minute change to the schedule and no relief to the long hours. It won't be quite as bad as last week, since we do have another guard hired, but he needs more training before he can pick up all these hours. Another opportunity to let that pessimistic side gain control, yet there is a bright lining to the dark, ugly cloud. The guy we just hired is broke and almost homeless, he needs money fast and the added hours will benefit him a lot. So, the glass is half full for one person, half empty for another, and still in flux for me. I just hope and pray that the little boy begins to heal soon, and that his family can soon return to a normal life. |
| Just got home and had some dinner after another long ten hour day at work. Being so tired, I just grabbed some Chines food to bring home and heat up. It was alright, but fresh is always better. I picked this up at the grocery store, out of the cooler. They do have a buffet there, with an Oriental section, so I could have gotten fresh and hot, but I was too tired to wait for it. As it was, I dozed off on the drive home. It's been quite a while since I found myself nodding off while driving, although I have been very tired and fighting it a lot recently. This was the worst, I didn't just nod off for a second, I fell asleep and started drifting off the road. Luckily it was towards the right side and not across the highway. Also, they have a rumble strip along the edge of the road and this is what brought me back out. It woke me up pretty good, and since I was only a couple miles out form home, I continued. If I had been further away, I would have had to stop and get out for a while to wake myself up. Now, I have my tummy full of food, I'm sipping a cup of coffee, but it's not doing anything to ward off the tiredness I feel. It's not just sleepy, my whole body is starting to feel exhausted from going so much. I should go soak in a hot bath, but since I'm home alone, I suppose that wouldn't be a very smart idea. Instead, I'm going ot find something on Netflix, snuggle into the love-seat,and sleep through a movie. Currently, I have a seven or eight hour day tomorrow, then I should have two days off. It's not certain yet, and considering the situation, it won't be certain until the time is over. I hope it works out, I really need some down time. XXX Two entries today, I'm doing good. Well, actually, I should be in bed sleeping, but I woke up to the phone ringing. My first thoughts were that the schedule had changed yet again and I was now working Wednesday and Thursday. I'm so used to things going this route, I think this way automatically, even in a sound sleep. But it was't bad news, it was Rhonda calling from work. She was doing the training today, and the new guy passed his test. That means he's alright to work alone now. Yes, that's the system they have for us, set up by the store we are hired to work at; eight hours crammed down our throat and then we are put on our own. I remember well how little I knew and how unprepared I was after the two four hour sessions they call training. At least now we can do it all in one shot, instead of two, four hour days. But, it's still a lot of information stuffed into our heads, and it really doesn't make sense to put a person on alone this quick. During the nine months out of the year that we only have one person working at a time, I go in on their first day and oversee things for them. I'm not on the clock, and not working, but I'm right there to lend a little support, answer questions, and give a little hind if needed. Usually by the end of this first shift, they see they do know enough to handle the shift on their own, and now also have a little confidence, too. Right now, we are working two guards on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday afternoons. It's called double coverage and is available from ten until six, as needed. This also gives us the opportunity to give a new guard some hours with an experienced guard. That's what we are planning for this new guy. He passed, but Rhonda said he was pretty stressed and feeling overwhelmed with so much information. I think he will feel much better with a few days of working with someone, and putting things into perspective now. And, it will free me up for more time to write and get caught up on other tasks here at home. Well, it will once we get the other new guard back to working his scheduled hours. He's the one with the little boy who got hurt and is in the hospital. We are all hoping that they find the answers soon so that the little boy can be healed and the family can get back to a normal life. Until then, it's very hard to set up a schedule, knowing that it may very well change at any time. Like I mentioned, it will be great once everyone is back to a normal schedule, but now that we have this new guy hired, we have a little help covering the extra hours as needed, so it's also easier to accommodate the changes as they come. The end of this week is looking a lot better already. In fact, as of right now, I have a pretty easy week ahead of me. I work a normal shift tomorrow, then should have Wednesday and Thursday off, if nothing changes. I go back to work on Friday, but it will be my normal morning shift, as it will be on Saturday as well. Now that I have gotten all this out, I remember that I wasn't going to use this for a work journal, and yet here I am, talking shop. Only this time it's not stress and all that my life is, it's excitement to have a full crew, and to know there is some relief in sight. It's been a long time since I could even consider scheduling back my hours to make time to have a life outside of work. In fact, and this is kind of scary, I find myself nervous about having some time outside of work. Yes, you read that right, I find I'm having second thoughts about scheduling myself for fewer hours. Even though there are these second thoughts, they will be short lived. Once that new schedule becomes reality and I have a little time to adjust to having a little time, I will have those second thoughts on the run. I already know just what I want to do to chase them away, I want to delve into my true profession and write! I don't have anything sitting on the back burner to write about, but I'm sure I will find plenty of things to write about. What I'm even more excited about is working at the mechanics of writing. I've always been a poor speller, and my grammar is nothing to write home about, either. My biggest downfall in writing is the mechanics and editing my work. So, I went out and invested a little money in some material to help me learn better grammar and editing. I started working through one book about the time that everything fell apart last fall. I was already struggling with time, but it was slower at work and I was able to do some reading and studying at work in the mornings. At least, I thought I could. But, as it turned out, there were just enough interruptions from my job to make it very difficult to study and do the lessons. So, I brought it home, and had just started to plan out a new schedule to allow me a little more time to work on this at home. Then, things went from no time, to even less time. Now, it's finally looking like I may be able to get back on task with that, too. |
| I survived the weekend! I use to say that after a weekend of having a lot of fun, now it's after a weekend of having a lot of time in at work. It started on Thursday, and I was desperately holding out for tomorrow, when I would have a relatively short day. Not quite a day off, but only a few hours before I could come back home and relax. And, to top it off, I wouldn't have to go in until eleven in the morning, so no super early alarm. Well, it didn't work that way. I got a call today from the person out with the injured child. They are not finding the cause of the problem, and the little guy isn't responded to medications. This is a parents nightmare and I feel terrible for the family. It also means that he won't be back to work tomorrow morning, so I will have to go in and open, and possibly put in another twelve hour day. It's also going to mess up a few other days, mid week. At the present, he is still planning on working two days this week, which will help us out a lot, but it's so uncertain, with all the tests going on with the young boy. When I talked to him earlier, they are talking o moving the boy to the University of Minnesota. This will put him even further away and make working even more difficult for him. It also meas we have no set schedule right now, because nobody knows what's going to happen. If the person we are training tomorrow works out, it will take a lot of the burden off, and we should be able to continue with a semi regular schedule. What would be best is if they find and fix the problem, but until then, things are kind of up in the air for everyone involved. I told the guard I would do my best to work with him so he can keep his job and still be there with his son, I know once we get past this, I'm going to turn off every phone and go hide someplace where work cannot reach me. |
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