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My thoughts released; a mind set free |
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These pages contain my thoughts, from meandering ideas and persuasions to deep cerebrations and serious mentations. Why, for what purpose? To release my mind and set creativity free. Somewhere inside the constraints of my mind dwells a writer, a poet, an artist who paints with words. In here I release those constraints and set the artist free. Perhaps, lost somewhere in the depths of thought, is a story or a poem, waiting to be written. 
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| I'm going to do this a little different today. Usually when I get writing in a story, I don't manage to get anything written in my journal. My mind fills with thoughts and ideas for the story, I'm preocupied with naming and setting characters, and I'm eager to be writing. All of this is true today as well; I'm ready to start work on the prompt for this weeks challenge. Normally, I let myself settle in a bit, check Facebook, log in here and check messages and posts, then give in to my eagerness to be writting. Other times, when the prompt is difficult, I'm eager to work out a story line and become preoccupied with possiblitites, researching any ideas I get as well as researching for ideas. The end result is the same, I spend a great deal of time and energy getting the story going and writing in it. Once I complete the writing, either for the day or finishing the piece, I'm beat and any thoughts of logging in and writing in here are lost. Today is much the same, as far as the story goes. I actually formed a general idea on Sunday shortly after seeing the prompt. But, it was my wife's only day off and I wanted to spend it with her. I should inject here that when I'm writing, I'm pretty much fully absorbed and lost in my writing. I not only forget to eat, but I'm so absorbed in my writing, I barely notice anything going on around me. So, with her only getting Sunday off, I didn't want to get absorbed into a story. I did want to look a the prompt and let my mind work a bit at generating some ideas, but that was all, and that I did. Monday she had to be to work by five, so up at three. I normally sleep later when she has to work this early. I'm not much of a morning person, and if I do get up to see her off, I get in the way more than I help and she tends to run a bit late as a result. But, for some reason, I woke up shortly before four and just was not tired. I would like to say more about this, but perhaps further on, or another time. For now, it's only pertinent to me waking at four and getting up. I did pretty good not to distract her or throw her off schedule, but of course she did end up running a little late. the main reason being, we just enjoy each other's company a lot, and if we are both up, there will be conversation and interactions. Once she was ready, we sat and enjoyed a cup of coffee and some conversation before she left, setting her a little behind schedule. For me, it was kind of strange to be up this early and not be so tired I return to bed. Even after working this early shift for over a year, I never adjusted to it, likely never will. But Monday, I was up and ready to go. I had a couple more cups of coffee while I reviewed posts in Facebook, then logged in here. Soon enough, the sun was rising and I was ready to start on my story, but the dogs wanted to go out, they wanted breakfast, and I was pretty hungry myself. By the time they had enjoyed a nice break outside, eaten, and I had my breakfast, the morning was running down. It was now nine, or shortly after, and I was pretty tired. I had surgery a week ago and I've been very tired, taking naps in the afternoon, I've also been very uncomfortable sitting up for very long. Monday was much the same, but I wasn't so tired I wanted to nap. I would have worked on the story but I had already sat up to the computer for too long and needed to stretch out in the recliner for a bit. It was a good oppertunity for my Bible study while I reclined and sipped another cup of coffee. I know, way too much coffee; like many other things, I seem to run on java. Once I finished my study, I was just too tired to concentrate on writing a story. I did put more thought into it, but I knew I was too tired to focus on writing without making a ton of mistakes. Besides, Rhonda would be done at noon, tired, and wanting to spend some time together. As it turned out, she didn't get home until after one, was so tired she wanted a nap, and I would have had time to do some work on my story. But, I was still too tired. Not tired enough to take a nap, I managed to stay up until nine last night. A breakthough in the healing process, not needing to nap everyday and not sleeping so much. Of course, a lot of this has likely been as much a side effect of the medications as a result of healing. That brings us to today. I was up at six, spent a little time with Rhonda before she left for work, then took the dogs out. Once back in, it's time to eat somehting for them and myself, check out Facebook and log in here before starting in on that story. I was just about to close out and start on my characters when I decided it would be a good idea to jump over here and write an entry for the day. I was kind of at a loss of what to write, so I jotted down my thoughts and why I was doing this different, and here I am. Earlier, I had mentioned I should say more about waking up so early on Monday. Now seems a good time. I doubt you will have much interest, but for me it's part of my thinking. No, not waking early, writing... silly. I process thoughts more indepth by writing them, I suppose that's why I'm a writer. Sunday night we went to bed pretty early, since Rhonda needed to be up at three the next morning. In fact, with one person taking some time off, she has been working the opening shift since Wednesday of last week. So, being up at three, she's ready for bed by seven or eight at night. After the surgery, I've been very tired, so going to bed early is no problem. In fact, I've been getting tired easily for a long time, part of what brought me to having surgery. But, after the day surgery, I have been sleeping about twelve hours a day, sometimes more. Part of it is healing, and the other part is the pain medications needed while I heal. Yet another part is one of the symptems I've been having for a long time. Sunday night, we ended up going to bed about eight, maybe eight-thirty by the time we actually were all settled in. I went to sleep quickly, but as is normal, woke a few times during the night, went to the bathroom, then returned to bed and to sleep. After eight hours, I woke and could not get back to sleep. This was the first night since I had surgery that I didn't sleep for ten to twelve hours. It was also the first time in -- I'm not even sure -- that I woke up and was not tired. Not only did I wake after about eight hours, woke up not feeling tired, but I didn't need to nap later in the day. I was tired, but not like I had been up to this point. We were up until nine last night, and I was still doing good. I also slept better last night, but still was up a couple times to go to the bathroom, not that I had to go that bad. I just wake up, and then once awake, get up, go to the bathroom, then return to bed and soon fall back to sleep; another question for my doctor not that some of the other stuff is cleared up. For me, this is all good news. It feels great to wake up and not be tired. It feels even better to be able to make it through a day without feeling the need to take a nap. It may be a bit early to know if this was one day or if this will continue, but so far, day two is looking pretty good, too. I was up at six this morning, when I set my phone alarm it indicated eight and one half hours. I was up twice durring the night, and still feel good this morning. It's looking kind of positive and I'm hopeful that it will not only continue, but my energy levels will also increase as I continue to heal. Now, if I can find a way to sleep through the entire night again. Hopefully the doctor will have some ideas why I wake up. It's not true insomnia, I'm still tired and can go right back to sleep. In fact, I find I have to fight off sleep to go to the bathroom and am sleeping again shortly after my head hits the pillow. Also, I don't have to go to the bathroom real bad, it's not what wakes me up. Even if I don't drink anything, as when I was doing some of the medical tests, I still wake up two, three, sometimes four times a night. On these occasions, I find myself waking up for no reason at all. I roll over, snuggle in and just go back to sleep. I can't imagine how it will feel to sleep all night, or how much energy and how good I'll feel getting a full night of un-interupted sleep. It's been so long, I really don't remember what it was like. |
| Seems like it's kind of hit and miss in here. It's been that kind of a month, no -- months. It's hard to believe we are close to October already, the summer gone and winter quickly approaching. Most of the last few months have been spent running back and forth to Sioux Falls for medical tests and meetings to go over them. It's been trying and a bit frustrating, but not really bad news, most of the tests and scans indicate I'm in great health. Good news. What makes it frustrating is not finding any answers to what's wrong. We did finally isolate some faults with my gallbladder, which is recently departed. But, will it resolve all the other symptoms? Is there still more wrong? Questions without answers. I go back and talk to the doctor on the first of October, get checked over, and see where we are at that time. With the surgery, it's been difficult to say what's going on, and will be for a while yet as I heal and kind of get back to normal. So far, the pain has been normal and subsides more each day. Once the pain from surgery dissipates, I will be better able to tell if the other pain is still present or not. Surprisingly, it all feels much the same. Of course, my digestive system is acting up as a result of surgery and all the probing around inside, so it's difficult to say whether this is related to the surgery or if this is signs of something else being out of whack. I tend to believe it's a result of surgery and the changes required now when digesting foods. I'm being optimistic about it all, the removal of the gallbladder will cease all the odd symptoms that made this so difficult to diagnose. As for the repair to the old hernia patch, that's going to be a bit longer healing. Much of that just needed time to mend on it's own, and now with the lump removed from beneath the patch itself, there shouldn't be any future problems. Rhonda even put me back on the schedule, being optimistic herself that the follow-up will be positive and I will be feeling more my old self by then. In a strange way, it will feel good to be back to work, and we definitely need the money, even though it will only be a few days a week for the time being. I should still have plenty of time to write, and it should be enough help to keep up with the bills again. Of course, trying to catch back up is going to be difficult and it's likely to take much longer to recover financially than it will to recover physically. But, I won't dwell on any of that; there's nothing I can do about it anyway. This is one of those cases where their really isn't anything other than faith to focus on. I have no control over how the follow-up goes, if the other symptoms clear up or if there will need to be more tests and treatments, and I cannot do anything about the financial crisis we find ourselves in. I wish I could just write a good story and sell it, take the money and pay off all past debts, all current debts, and have enough left over to fill the pantry and freezer while I work on the next story to sell. That would be perfect, but it's not likely to happen anytime soon. The worst part is the anxiety that comes with all of this. I know it's not going to help anything, and I do my best to keep in under control. To let worry and anxiety gain control is madness. As Shakespeare wrote in King Lear: "No, I will weep no more. In such a night To shut me out? Pour on; I will endure. In such a night as this? O Regan, Goneril! Your old kind father, whose frank heart gave all— O, that way madness lies; let me shun that; No more of that." Although a different situation the results are the same. I do pretty well to keep worry and anxiety under control, but at night, when the mind relaxes and the subconscious rules, then anxiety sneaks up like a beast in the dark and attacks at the very base of sanity. I find myself waking with a start, uncontrolled thoughts flooding my mind as I fight to the conscious world. Once under my own control again, it's not difficult to put the situation back into perspective, but as sleep comes, the haunting of the attack returns. Sometimes I think it would be better when these anxiety attacks hit during the night, to get up and find something to occupy my mind until I'm once again ready to sleep. The problem is, if I get up, Rhonda wakes up. Until I return to bed, she just won't sleep well. In the past when sleeplessness forced me up and out of our bed, she would try and sleep on the couch or in a recliner until I return to bed. If we tried to overcome this and she returned to bed, she would no more than doze off then wake and have to come check on me, again. Even when I worked nights, she just could not sleep well until I was beside her and holding in my arms. So, if I get up, she gets up. Try as she might, she won't get anything for good sleep until I'm back in bed. I know I will also suffer the following day from lack of sleep and try my best to regain control, squelch the anxiety, and get myself back to sleep. Faith and hope, it will work out. |
| Wow, I thought I made an entry yesterday. But, it shows the last one on Thursday and I couldn't for the life of me tell you what I wrote yesterday. I've been pretty out of it since the surgery, and yesterday was another rough day. So far, today is going better. I still have a lot of pain in my right side, but the rest is beginning to feel better. I have a feeling that right side is going to take some time to heal, the incision is about three inches long where the surgeon went in to remove the golf-ball size mass. The tissue he removed was in the groin area, under a hernia patch, so he had to go in from the side and work under the patch to remove it, about six inches from the point of entry. The pain is one thing, but the foggy sensation I've had since the procedure has been even worse. I'm on the last day to write my item for the 52 Week Challenge, and still haven't got anything going for the image. The first few days I couldn't sit up well enough to type, and my head was clouded by pain medications. By Wednesday, I had stopped taking the prescribed medications and was just using over the counter stuff to help ease the pain, except at night. So far, today, I haven't used anything, and hope I can continue to get by without taking anything. I'm sure I will need to use the prescribed medications again tonight, to sleep, since lying down seems to cause a lot of discomfort. I'm hoping to get some ideas for that story going, and even more hopeful that I will get it written today, before the deadline. If not, I'm sure I can get a few extra days to write considering the circumstances of the week. But, a new prompt comes out tomorrow, and I'd like to start work on the new prompt instead of still being hung up on this one. So, for now, it's get up and move around a little, think on a story line, and hopefully have something written soon. |
| I have a new title for my journal, one that fits well and still holds a similar meaning. When I first started my journal I wanted a name that indicated the broad array of the stuff I write here. How's that for a colorful word, stuff; I could have just used this simple word to name my blog, it covers about everything and anything that may be contained in these pages. But, I wanted something with more depth. Abysmal was used for the title for quite some time, but then it was brought to my attention that this was thought to mean dark and dismal. With some research the definition was clearly given in Dictionary.Com as 1: of or like an abyss; immeasurably deep or great and 2: extremely or hopelessly bad or severe. The first meaning was what I wanted, and what I thought the rest of the title clearly depicted this. But, one would have to read through the title and give it some thought to understand this. While many readers do, and a title such as the original would catch someone's attention, I also understood how many readers would see the word abysmal and skip past the item, thinking it was dark and dreary. After some thought, I renamed my journal, but wasn't satisfied with it. So, I changed it again, using abyssal to indicate the great depth and endless boundaries of the human mind. I had also changed the rest of the title and thought it worked pretty well. But, it seems the two words are often misunderstood, and again someone informed me that they thought the title depicted dismal and depressive reading. Not really any fault at all except for the usage of our language, many words and terms have various meanings apart from their true meanings. What I mean is, individuals associate different meanings to words and terms than what they actually mean, whether it's because they sound alike, or are close to the same, or just because they don't actually know the real meaning. Add to that feelings, and many words and phrases can mean many different things to many different people. For example, an abyss is deep and immeasurable, but that would also mean it's dark, so to some abyssal means deep and dark. I wanted the deep, but my writing is anything but dark. Today I changed the title once again, trying to choose wording that indicates the unfathomable depths of the human mind, the ongoing process of thought that constantly floods one's conscience, and name my journal appropriately. No matter how carefully one chooses, however, there will still be some who don't understand the intended meaning, but I think I have this nailed down pretty well. Although I'm sure it will be misunderstood by some, at least it won't be mistaken for anything dark and dismal. Now, with a new title in place, one that clearly depicts ongoing, vast thoughts, I suppose I should write something deep and meaningful. But, that's not always the case, is it? Although the human mind is without bounds or borders, filled with perpetual thought, sometimes it's just silly stuff that washes ashore and needs to get plucked from the waves to clear the way for more serious ruminations. Perhaps I should just name this journal for what is found here -- Stuff! |
| Still working on a better title for my journal, and still not getting anything I like. Why is it so difficult to find something that seems to fit. I think I'll spend a little time going over some ideas today and see if I can't nail it down. I didn't get an entry done yesterday, but then I didn't get anything done yesterday. first day after surgery and I was not up to doing anything. I've had a lot of discomfort and have not been sleeping much. Seems odd, since the pain medications should knock me right out. Instead, I find myself drifting but never quite into a restful sleep. Instead I seem to hang at the point where all those goofy thoughts and half dreams reside, almost like feverish dreams that make no sense at all. I was up at five-thirty this morning, but back in bed by six-thirty, feeling pretty nauseous. I stopped taking the pain medications and switched to over-the-counter types; I hope they work well enough to get me through the day. My head is more clear, but I'm finding it difficult to sit up to the computer. Of course, the abdomen is so tender there is no chance of lying back and doing anything in a prone position. My hopes are to get started on the latest entry for the 52 Week Challenge. Drug clouded imagination isn't going to make that very easy, but then, if I can't sit up, I still won't get anything written. All I can do is try and see how it goes. |
| This will be a short update today. It's not too bad to sit up here and type, but it does take some effort and will likely cause discomfort after too long of session. I traveled to Sioux Falls early this morning with my wife, getting to the surgery center by six. I had a terrific team working on me, and everything went well. The troublesome gallbladder is out, and so is the lump of tissue that had developed over my hernia site. Recovery was good, just the typical symptoms, tired, kind of nauseous, and very sore. The meds they gave took care of the nausea well, but I had to have a few doses of the pain medication before leaving the surgery center. Of course, besides removing the organ, he did a lot of probing around to make sure there wasn't any other problems; as much as he could tell from looking. We left Sioux Falls around eleven, Rhonda drove, and I did my best to conceal how difficult the long ride home was. We made one stop, for a few groceries so I could eat something easy on my stomach, on the way home. Rhonda shopped quickly, I rode around beside her and did my best not to run anything or anyone over. It went well. After getting home it was time for an ice pack and sleep. The dogs did pretty good, except for little Hannah, she really doesn't understand why she cant jump right up on me. Even so, she's doing good and not creating any problems. During my nap, she was right beside me, but down low by my legs instead of up by my torso. I think she's catching on. Now, it's a quick update here, then some chicken soup and more pain meds. Hope to be doing good enough tomorrow to work on a story. |
| I suppose I better get something written in here, it's been a few days again. Then, it's back to my story for the 52 Week Challenge. It's mid-week already and I have two and one half pages done. Not so good for being the middle of the week already, but not bad since I didn't start writing it until yesterday. It's another difficult image for me to work with, but I found an idea and have been developing it. It's going slow but mostly because of research and plotting. I wouldn't have to put as much into it, but who knows, perhaps one day I may decide to make it into more. That's been the case with most of the items I've written for the challenge. I've worked on keeping them short, although one hit nine pages, but at te same time, tried to write them in such a way that I can develop them more in the future, if I choose to. Other than just trying to relax and keep my mind of my pending surgery next Monday, that's been about it for me. the surgery is nothing major, just day surgery to have my gallbladder removed, have a lump removed from my lower abdomen, and give the surgeon an opportunity to look everything else over while he's inside. But, even though it's pretty routine, I'm still pretty nervous about it. Mostly, though, I find myself wondering if this will correct things and I can finally feel good again. I have found some inspiration here on the site, to help me keep things in perspective. I'm sure everyone knows about the journey our founders are on with their daughter; what a brave and strong young lady. With all they are going through, it makes my diagnosis seem like a head cold. It amazes me how well they are getting through all this, and it greatly increases my respect for all of them. Now, it's time to get back to writing that story, I'm hoping to finish it up this afternoon. |
| Just a few minutes for me tonight, so a short entry. We worked on the yard most of the afternoon, and have it mowed down again. There's some trim work to do, but that can wait until tomorrow. I mowed and Rhonda cleaned up around the house, pulling weeks and bagging up grass. I still have to mow the east end of the property, but the mower was acting up and I didn't want to do anymore than I needed today. I'm not sure what's up, something with the deck. Hopefully I can take a look at it tomorrow and find out what is going wrong on it. I just hope it's nothing serious. Even had the mower not acted up, it was time to quit, and it began raining soon after we came in. I didn't do much in here today, I did look a the the next prompt for the 52 week challenge and checked mail. I came in after we finished showering for a bit and seen that illness has struck our beloved family here on WdC. I feel bad for the founders, as well as helpless. One cannot even image what this must be like, unless having gone through something similar. I have my health issues right now, and it's been more than frustrating trying to find out what is wrong. In comparison to the note the StoryMaster and the StoryMistress have posted, it seems so minor now. We will be sending prayers for their family, all of them and continue to hope for positive news to be posted. |
| The weekend has is here, but Rhonda had to work this morning, even so, she should get done around eleven and still have most of the day to enjoy. I slept in, not getting up until eight, and then browsed through Facebook while I enjoyed a cup of coffee. Not much happening in there, but then most of my family and friends will be posting their weekend activities Sunday evening or Monday, depending on what they are doing. We will likely stay home, although we have talked about taking a day trip to Oak Wood State Park. Depending on the weather, we still may do that. It would be a fun day and the dogs would love it. I finally heard back from the doctor on the tests they ran on Monday, the gallbladder is not functioning properly, even though there are no stones present. The nurse who called had a bunch of questions for me, and after I answered informed me that the test showed the organ is functional but not working like it should. The doctor wanted to know what I felt during the test to determine if it needs to be removed. After answering and letting her know it caused pain and was much like what I'm experiencing, she talked to the doctor again then called back to let me know he wants to remove it. One week from Monday I will have the surgery done and at the same time have a lump removed from my lower abdomen. The doctor thinks it's just fatty tissue, but it's causing pain and discomfort so it should come out. Since there are other symptoms present that may or may not be connected to the gallbladder, he also wants to do some exploring inside to see what kind of damage I may have done to the intestines when I fell in May. he thinks he will be able to see if there is anything else that may be wrong, but if not, more tests if this surgery does not correct everything. I'm going to be hopeful that this will take care of things and I'll finally be feeling more like my old self. |
| I meant to get in here yesterday but ran out of time. It's interesting how intentions go, while the intent itself doesn't. I tried something different yesterday, and also on Tuesday. For the 52 Week Challenge, I wrote a fantasy story on mythology Tuesday, something new for me. I have written a few things that kind of border on fantasy, but this was crossed the border and headed deeper into fantasy writing. It required much more research, planning, and work tying my fiction into the mythology that already exists. It was fun, even though it was different than how I normally write. My typical style is kind of like a spider spinning a web. I get an idea to write about, sometimes it's the beginning, more often it's the ending, and work off of it until the whole web is constructed. It still requires planning and research, but it's also kind of by the seat of my pants; more spontaneous. Yesterday was another journey into new territory, I wrote an entry for The Writer's Cramp -- a western. This was a first for me, but very fun. The difficult part was to keep my word count under a thousand words. By the time I ended I was slightly over, but it wasn't too difficult to cut back a lot of filler words and rephrase a few lines to get it within requirements. I'm quite pleased with the tale I wove. If you enjoy westerns and humor, you will enjoy this short piece and can find it at:
I haven't seen the winner yet, but even if it doesn't win, it was fun and an new experience that may open my writing into another genre. As they say, time alone will tell. The most exciting thing happening for me is all the writing I've gotten done in the last five weeks. With the 52 Week Challenge, I have to write a story a week on image prompts. Some have come easily, other's I've had to work to pull something out, but the reward is, I'm writing more now than I have since college. It's exciting and I'm building a folder of stories, some of which have the potential to become more than just short stories, possibly even novels. One in particular is a spin off an older story I wrote but never finished. I had a great start, but the second and third chapters seemed to kind of taper off and I wasn't happy with them. The prompt was tough to write on, but then I an idea came to me using characters from that other story. It took a new direction and I didn't realize it until I finished, but it would make a terrific ending to that old story. It will require some work, of course, to fill in the middle, and it may never reach novel length, but it will make a great story. The only problem I have found so far, is my shoulders and arms are sore from all they typing I've been doing. Seems I've gotten a little out of shape when it comes to using a keyboard. Oh well, it's getting better with each new item I write. I'm building up my writing muscles while giving my brain a great workout in creativity and imagination, and I'm having a lot of fun doing it. |
| I reckon I better get this written and posted, or I'll be missing yet another day. At least it's not because work and other such activities are infringing, I have the time but just did not get to it. See, it was the weekend, and Rhonda is off now on the weekends. For how long, who knows. For that matter, who knows how long I'll have weekends free. So, as long as we have them, we are taking the time to enjoy them. Of course, since I'm not working currently, we have the time, but not the money. Oh well, that is the trade off. It makes things difficult, and we won't be eating very fancy for the next couple of weeks, but when I look at my gut and see it's super-sized, that may also be a blessing. Today was yet another trip to Sioux Falls for more tests. The results from the scope showed nothing bad, so still no answers. It is good news, and I don't mind hearing that the tests, prods, and punctures are showing good results, but the good news is not answering any questions as to what's wrong. Today they shot me full of radioactive dye and then watched to see how it passed into my liver, through the bile ducts and how the gallbladder worked. I won't know the results for a day or two, but the test did trigger the same symptoms I've been suffering from. The dye itself didn't have any listed side effects, but as my gallbladder filled with it, I could feel a dull ached develop. Of course, this is common, but since I had not eaten or drank anything, it was a sign that the gallbladder was sensitive. Then, when they gave me the IV with the trigger for the gallbladder to contract and empty, the pain intensified. More signs that this is the source of the problems. But, there are other symptoms as well that seem non-related to the gallbladder. This is partly why it's been so long and difficult to pinpoint anything. There could also be some damage to my small intestine that is causing some of the problems. One test at a time is what I've been doing, narrowing done what's not wrong. If the results confirm that my gallbladder is not working properly then it will be removed, and while the doctor has me under, I get a repair on my hernia patch that is not serious but causing some discomfort. He also wants to look around inside for any other signs of damage, especially to the small intestine. Sounds like a lot, but if I can get things fixed and feel right again, it's all worth it. I was going to say back to normal, but this has been going on since I fell and injured my abdomen in May, so the pain and problems resulting are now normal for me. Here's hoping for good news, and answers, too. |
| I finally came up with something for the writing prompt, and by all rights I should have started writing my story hours ago. But, it's been kind of a lazy, rainy day up until a couple hours ago. I was ready to start working on it around eleven, but then the power went out for a few minutes. Something next door at the grain elevator popped and the lights went out, but came back on after a couple minutes. Of course, the way they operate over there, as soon as the power was back on, they started up whatever shorted out and blew the power again. It is back on, and so far it's been quiet over there. Hopefully, one day, they will fix things so it works right, and isn't so damn noisy. By the time it seemed safe to get started on my story again, I was hungry, so I made some lunch. While eating lunch, I wondered over to Pinterest and looked at a few things. Of course this lead to looking at a few more, and a few more, and... well, you understand. I did find one particular item I want to share, and wouldn't mind the saying on a shirt or poster, but it would need a better image. Well, that about sums it up. Now, time to get going on the story for the week. I had the beginning kind of figured out, but I had no idea where I wanted to go with it. I've struggled with this for the last few days and just could not get anything going. Earlier today, while sitting out on the patio with the dogs, it just came to me. You just have to love it when things finally start to flow again. Here's the image I came across, and it just shows why grammar is so important.  |
| I'm not doing so well at writing in here every day, but that's life keeping me busy. I'm going to have to knuckle down and try and get something in here. The weekend flew past for a change. Normally, both Rhonda and I work on the weekends and they creep by so slow. Of course, weekends are always busy, and they usually are longer days for both of us. But, for the time being, Rhonda has weekends off, and until I go back to work, I have every day off. It's looking like I'll be going back soon, but it will be limited for a while. I meet with the doctor on Thursday and find out what they found in the biopsy. Hopefully, it's all good news. Also, they may shoot me full of dye and look at the function of my gallbladder to see if it's needing to come out. I'm feeling better, or at least I have been the last few days. I got the grass mowed down, but it's going to be cut again soon. It's been two weeks for the area around the house, and three weeks for the east side of the yard. The grass was two foot high in some areas, more in the ditches and a little less around the house, but lets just average it at two foot. I had to put the mowing deck up as high as it would go, drive it very slow, and only take a half a swath at a time. Even cutting it like this was plugging up the deck at times, and it looks terrible. Not just the grass discharge but the lawn isn't cut even. It was just too high and too wet to cut it good. But, it should dry out pretty well now, and if I get it mowed again this weekend, it should look pretty good. There were still a few places that were just too wet to mow, and still some standing water in the low areas. I hope it doesn't rain for the rest of the summer or fall. It's funny how the farmers keep saying we need more rain, but there's standing water in the fields around here, and still some roads that have not been above water for years. Of course, it's not just the rain, it's the weather in general they are never happy with. For instance, I just heard on the radio that the local corn predictions for us indicate we are ahead of schedule on maturing. It seems the corn is growing, and ripening faster than what is normal, and it's looking like it's going to be a great harvest. After the report, the weather came on, and some lady giving the markets said that we are in need of hotter weather. It's been terribly hot, but cooled down the last week. Even so, it's still getting into the seventies during the day, but dropping down to the lower sixties at night, maybe even a few upper fifties. So, this lady is complaining we need temperatures in the eighties and nineties for the corn. Didn't they just say the corn was maturing faster than normal and it's looking like a bumper crop? Sure they did, I just heart it. That's the way it is around here, it seems they are never content. Me, I'm loving the cooler weather and just wishing it would dry out a bit more so a person could mow without dodging frogs all over the yard. At least it's not as wet as it was a few years back when we had a muskrat take up residence in the ditch. Yes, they build along the banks of lakes, slews, and rivers. Yes, the ditch was standing water, and it was big enough and deep enough for a muskrat to swim in. I think I have a picture or two of the critter sitting there. |
| Just taking it easy today. I should be out mowing, the grass is getting way too long again, but the yard is still saturated, and I know the rider is going to make a mess with it so wet. It's been dry for two days, and the ground is still soft and wet, the ditches have standing water, and the sump is running about every hour. I sure wish some of this rain could be diverted to areas that need it so badly. I got the test results back from the blood work done on Wednesday. Good news, I'm not diabetic, but I did have an elevated glucose level. I guess I'm what is called a pre-diabetic, and can keep things in check with just diet and exercise. I know the biggest factor is my excess weight, and once that's down, things should be even better. Now, if I can just get some answers to the rest of this, and then find out what I need to do to get things back to normal, I'll be a happy camper. Today it's the gallbladder area aching again, but for the last three days, it's been lower, down in the appendix area. Rhonda, just playing around, poked me in that area, and I almost dropped to the floor. I suppose it would assist the doctors greatly if the symptoms just stayed in place and held in consistency. I just hope I'm feeling pretty good tomorrow, I have an agenda for the day and don't want to be feeling miserable through it. We are meeting a the zoo with our daughter, her husband and the grandchildren, including the new twin girls. After, we are planning on a light picnic at the park. Nothing fancy, but it should be a lot of fun. So far, the forecast seems to be holding for a pretty nice day, which is real good since we were going to do this last Sunday but got rained out. It rained until Wednesday, finally letting up and clearing off Wednesday evening. It also cooled down, which I didn't mind at all, but being over one hundred degrees on Saturday and getting down to a chilling 48 degrees on Tuesday night is just too dramatic of a temperature change. |
| I went and done it again. I wrote in my blog last night while Rhonda was working on dinner, then saved and closed my browser when it was time to eat. Only, I must have close the browser too soon, and it didn't save. I've done this a few times, a result of hurrying and having a slow internet connection. Luckily, I hadn't written very much, and it wasn't anything of importance. Even so, it kind of disappoints me, even though it's as much my own fault as it is the slow internet we have. But, there's not much that can be done about it now. There's no way to go back and salvage the post, and there isn't any other internet available in this little, rural town. We have what we have, and just have to make the most out of it. It's faster than dial-up, but still almost too slow to stream movies or music. Some day it's suppose to get better, but who knows how long before they upgrade us out here. Besides, when they finally do update us, I'm sure it will be the same as most other places they have done this. You get a choice of what speed you want, but you pay dearly for the faster internet. Hell, for that matter, we already pay dearly for this speed. Enough on that, since it's not going to accomplish anything, and on to my day. Rhonda didn't have to go in until eleven today, so we had a nice morning together. Then, I drove her in to work, then went over to my brothers for the day. He had his boat all ready to go when I got there, and we headed straight for the lake and an afternoon of fishing. It was in the seventies today, and pretty calm when we launched the boat. Once we got underway with some fishing, a nice breeze came up. It was enough to keep us cool, but not so bad as to make much for waves, just a real nice day. He caught the first fish, a walleye. Not overly big, but not too bad; it was a keeper. Then he caught a jumbo perch that was almost as long as the walleye, but much fatter. Shortly after he landed a real nice sunfish, which was a surprise since we didn't know there were any sunfish in this lake. I didn't catch anything even though I did have the first bite, and a couple of hit's on my jig a bit later. The last one was a pretty good bite, and I thought I had the fish at first, but then it was gone. When I pulled the jig in, which had a twister-tail on it, the tail was gone. The fish bit it right off. That was it for me for the day, but he did catch a couple more. One little northern that we returned to grow up, and someone's sun-visor. Not much for fish, but a wonderful afternoon on the lake and some good visiting while we enjoyed a nice day. It passed much too fast, and before I knew it, my watch indicated it was time to head in and go pick Rhonda up form work. I got things put away while my brother reeled in his line and got us ready to head to shore. Then I started reeling my line in, and got hung up on a rock. he turned the boat, still under propulsion from the trolling motor, and headed towards the snag while I reeled in line. We went right over the spot but I couldn't get the line to pull in. As we drifted over the area I was hung up in, the line went under the boat, and by the time I got it back out it was wrapped up in the prop of the outboard. It was a real mess, and I ended up having to break the line to get it untangled. I still don't know how fishing line can wrap around a propeller that isn't turning. I would guess it was wrapped at least a half dozen times. Makes me wonder if it was caught on a snag or if a fish had nabbed it and wrapped it around the motor and then got it tangled in the prop. It was kind of crazy how it went, but it wasn't enough to ruin the day, and we soon were underway back tot he dock, loaded the boat on the trailer, and headed for home. I had to hustle to get Rhonda, and she was waiting when I got there, but it all worked out fine. It was good day, enjoyable, and all the fresh air has me ready to fall asleep. |
| I wrote my story for the 52 Week Challenge but in the process, managed to miss my blog post again. It ended up getting kind of late by the time I finished the story, and I just forgot to log back in and write in here. So far, that's three stories, one a week for the first three weeks of the challenge. The first week was the easiest to write, I looked at the prompt, studied it a bit, then went out with the dogs and got a little fresh air while I mulled it over some. Soon, I had an idea for the story, a good start anyway, and then I figured out how I wanted it to end. All that was left was writing in the middle, which of course, was just taking the beginning to the end. The second week was more difficult. I again looked at and studied the prompt, but even after mulling it over for a while, I couldn't generate any ideas. It took most of the morning to develop a good beginning, but I still didn't know how I wanted it to end. This time, after writing the beginning, I had to struggle with the middle so it would take me to the end. Once I had the middle filled in, however, it was easy to find a good ending. This week was the toughest yet. After studying the image, I just could not get any ideas. I spent the entire morning trying to generate some ideas, and by noon was still at only one vague idea. By one in the afternoon, I was starting to get frustrated, I just could not come up with anything. With no idea of what to even start with, I finally just opened the image on the top of my screen, and then opened my word processor below it and started typing out what I was looking at. Once I had a detailed description of the image, I went back and turned the first few lines into sentences. Then, after a bit more mulling things over, I rewrote my description into an introduction line and started going form there. I at least had a beginning, but I had no idea what direction to take it. It was difficult, but I kind of ad-libbed my way along until I finally seen the ending and then had to go back and make a few changes that would take me to that ending. When I finished the story, I wasn't quite sure if it even worked, or if I liked it. But, after a quick read through, I decided it was a pretty good story. It's funny, even though the challenge doesn't require much for specifics to meet the challenge, I didn't post my story until after I read through it and decided whether it would work or not. Of course, Rhonda read through it after she got home and gave it a thumbs up, which also helped me to accept this thing that I created. I also find that as I write again, after the long stretch of non-writing wasteland I traversed, that I'm more aware of the toll writing takes. the first story was pretty easy, and I felt pretty good after I finished. I felt a bit of mental strain, and of course my arms were fatigued from typing for hours on end, but in all, I felt pretty good. I also felt very excited to have written again. The second story was more difficult, and the strain after finishing was greater. Physically I did better, but mentally I was more tuckered out. Again, I felt good about the job I had done and the finished item. Of course, this was the shortest of the stories, so less typing. But, because it was more difficult to write, it took longer than the first item did. The third story was the most difficult, it also turned out to be the longest of the three. So, I of course felt more fatigue in my hands and arms from doing so much typing all afternoon. In fact, I had to stop when Rhonda got home and give myself a short break, it was getting to the point my hands were not responding well enough to hit the right keys. I know this part will continue to get better the more I write and type, but right now I'm good for about four thousand words without having to really push it. The last story, by the way, went over six thousand words. The hardest part, however, was the mental strain it took to maneuver through this story. I worked my brain pretty good just getting a beginning, then it was a constant mental workout to keep it moving along towards an unseen ending. Once the ending became clear, things went along much easier, at least from the concentration side of writing. the outcome wasn't very pretty, my mind no sharp and the ending flowing out like a spring bubbling up from the depths, under great pressure. But, at the same time, my arms and hands were tired from hours of typing, and moving rather slow and sluggish. They just could not keep up with the flow of thought, and the typos became worse and worse. That's why I forced myself to take a break when Rhonda got home. Normally I would stop, greet her with some hugs and kisses, then it would be right back to work until I finished, or reached a point where I could stop for the day. This time around, I took a nice hour break with her before resuming my ending, even though there was only about ten or fifteen minutes of typing left before I was done. |
| I find myself kind of waiting for the next image of the challenge to be posted. There's been a change of plans for the day, but I can't say I'm disappointed. We would have already been at the zoo, with a daughter and her husband, and their four children. After the zoo, it was planned to have a picnic at the park by the lake, nothing too fancy, just some potato salad, chips, and hot dogs. But, when I got up this morning, it was pretty overcast and the air was heavy and humid. Upon checking the forecast, things had changed from a partly cloudy day with temps around eighty, to a cloudy day with temps in the seventies. They also had a fifty percent chance of rain and thunderstorms all afternoon, evening and into the night. We sat out on the patio after Rhonda got up, enjoying a cup of coffee and discussing the possibilities of the day. In the distance, thunder rumbled, and the sky clouded up more and more. The air was still and very humid, and it felt like it could start raining anytime. We moved inside, called Sarah to let her know we had picked a bad day to go to the zoo, and an even worse day to take little ones, especially two newborn twins, to the lake. She wasn't up yet, so Rhonda left a message for her to call back. Meanwhile we discussed another day to spend with them at the zoo and the park, picking next Saturday as a good alternative. We also talked about how the dogs have been left home alone a lot over the last couple weeks, and how they get so scared during storms. It seemed pretty good that we could spend the day with them, both because of the storms, and just because they have not gotten much attention. After all, they may just be a couple of dogs to the rest of the world, but we have always accepted them more as our children. Sarah returned Rhonda's call shortly after she left the message, and agreed that it wasn't a very good day. She also added that she was pretty tired and liked the idea of getting together next weekend instead. She had a busy week, and a busy day yesterday, and didn't really feel up to doing much today. It seems the weather didn't cooperate for the plans, but was actually a blessing in it's own way, working things for the best for everyone. Now, I can enjoy a relaxing day with Rhonda, she can have a relaxing day before going back to work tomorrow, with only the one day off. And the dogs can get some much needed attention. Also, if the image is posted soon enough, I'll have time to stew over it and get some ideas for a story to go with it, maybe even a good start to it. Of course, there is no set time for the image to be posted, just sometime on Sunday. While I wait, I think it may also be a good day to do some work upstairs. We have some exercise equipment that I really need to start using. But, the room was used for storage over the winter and we need to move items around and make it more usable before we can do much with the exercise equipment. It's been so hot and humid, and we don't have A/C, so it's been put off for a cooler day. Today is that day; not eighties like they said, but more like seventies. The temperature was up to seventy-two earlier, but when the rain moved in, it dropped to sixty-eight with a nice, cool breeze; perfect for working upstairs. |
| Wow, is it that late already? The day really flew past, but it was a pretty good day. I was up early, a little after six when I came out of our bedroom with the dogs, Hyko was fine, but I had Hannah on a leash so she wouldn't climb all over our sleeping guests. Our daughter was up and dressed already, so she took Hannah down stairs for me, I followed keeping in eye on Hyko, since he has problems on the stairs once in a while now. Once downstairs, one granddaughter woke and joined us as we waited for coffee to brew, then our grandson got up and came to the kitchen and visited, too. We got to the first cup of coffee before the second granddaughter woke and came down, and by the second cup, the third was awake. Shortly after her came their dad, the whole crew was up. It was a nice visit this morning, but it started heating up in the kitchen pretty fast with all the people in there. I had gone out on the patio to smoke, and it was still cool and nice outside; the patio was still in full shade and a nice breeze was blowing. So I went back in and had everyone come join me. Another good visit with everyone out on the patio. They had already eaten and it was nice and relaxing, but soon enough shower time, so we could everyone through. We had plans for a picnic by the lake for lunch, and with four kids it's kind of time consuming. The only thing that could have made the visit better was to have Rhonda home to enjoy this time, too. But, she had to work this morning and was out of the house by four-thirty. She got done at one this afternoon and joined us a the lake, but by then the kids were getting tired and the heat had them kind of grumpy. Even so, they all behaved pretty well and we did have a nice picnic and Rhonda got to visit with everyone a little before they had to head west. They traveled from Minnesota, so kind of a long drive yesterday. Then, a night here and a half a day visit before traveling on to Pierre to visit his sister and stay overnight there. Tomorrow they will finish the trip out to the Black Hills for some camping and site seeing before returning home on Friday. They were unsure of what route they will be taking back, and it will depend on how late it is when they depart, but it's possible they will stop by for a few hours to rest and let the kids stretch their legs before finishing the return trip home. Rhonda and I were suppose to have some of the other grandchildren tomorrow for a trip to the zoo and then a picnic with them at the lake, but Rhonda's ex got wind of the plans and messed that whole adventure up. Even so, we will make the most of the day with another daughter and her family, visiting the zoo and doing the picnic with them. On Monday or Tuesday I need to get my self over to my brothers and get out fishing for a day, and it's looking like Wednesday I'll be doing some blood work at the clinic as well as getting the results back from the biopsy I had done yesterday. It's looking like a very busy week, and I'm not even including the stuff I need to get done around the house. Also, tomorrow we get our third prompt for the 52 week challenge and I'd like to get something at least started for that. Finally, I did a review for another member and shared an experience that was similar to the one she had written about. She wrote back to let me know she enjoyed the story but wished the outcome had been different. This got me thinking of what a great story could be created from this experience by adding in some fiction. So, on top of everything else, now, I want to write that story too. Hopefully I'll find enough hours in the days to get everything done, as well as to get in here and read and review a bit, too. |
| It's getting pretty late for me to be in here tonight, but that's the way it goes. It's been another long day but a pretty good day. It started at three-thirty this morning, get up and get ready to go in and have a scope put into my stomach to see what's going on in there. After, and while still under, I had a colonoscopy done, as well. The results aren't in for everything yet, but the doctor did say that things looked pretty normal. Even so, he did do a biopsy of the stomach, so a three to four days more to find out what that shows. All good news, but no answers to what is wrong. It's looking a lot like the gallbladder, even though there were no stones. Yesterday was horrid. No food after I went to bed Wednesday night, and then just clear liquids until after everything was done today; forty hours with nothing but liquids, and then another twelve hours with nothing at all. That was tough, but not the worst of it. The stuff they prescribed to clean out my digestive system was the worst of all. First of all, it was expensive, almost a hundred dollars for the box of medication. Two packets of powder to mix with water for the first dose, then another two packets to mix for the second dose. Awful tasting stuff, and difficult to choke down without gagging on it. Both doses were the same, the first started at about five, but ended up closer to six by the time I actually started drinking it. I had to drink approximately eight ounces of the solution every fifteen minutes, until the first liter was done. Then I had to drink another eight ounces of water before the second dose began in an hour. The second was the same, another eight ounces every fifteen minutes, then follow it with another eight ounces of water. So, that's just over ten, eight ounces of liquid in three hours. I was barely able to pack it all in my gut just because of the volume. No sipping, just our it down as fast as possible, then try and keep the nasty stuff from coming back up. Despite the rapid response to the medication, it seemed to clear through my system pretty well by ten o'clock last night. Pretty well, but I still waited until eleven before turning in and then had to get up once during the night. After the procedure, they gave me a muffin and a cup of coffee, which seemed to sit pretty well. We had about a three hour drive home, and I slept most of the first hour, dozing on and off. We then stopped and had a light lunch, which also sat better than I expected, but I didn't eat much of it. Once home, I needed to lie down for a while, and slept most of the afternoon. I'm feeling pretty good tonight, and just had a pretty good dinner; a fish fillet and macaroni and cheese. It's sitting pretty well, but there is some discomfort. I'm not sure if it's because of the procedure this morning, or the problem they are trying to figure out. Likely, it's a bit of both. Hopefully, when I talk to the doctor after the labs are all back in, there will be some idea of what's wrong and what direction to go form here. I know one thing that needs to be investigated further, my blood sugar levels. When they did blood work, I had not eaten anything, or drank anything for twelve hours, yet my blood sugar was elevated. That in itself is not a good thing, and I'm going to have to go in and get more blood work done to check specifically for diabetes. Being overweight, it's highly likely that I may be developing this disease, although I don''t know much about it. I'm pretty sure it's not serious and can be controlled through diet, but even so, it needs to be checked out further. On a brighter note, Rhonda is bustling around the house, tidying up for a visit tonight and tomorrow of our daughter, her husband, and their kids. It's going to make for a long day tomorrow, but an enjoyable one. They are suppose to be here in about an hour or two, but will likely head off to bed shortly after arriving. Tomorrow we will get a chance to visit and enjoy them for a while before they head out to the Black Hills for some camping this week. Then, if they have enough time, they will stop back before heading home to Minnesota. |
| I'm having kind of a stressful day, not sure what will be found tomorrow during the medical prosecute, or if nothing will turn up, leaving nothing but more questions. Having anxiety issues, it's been pretty difficult all the way through this, but I've handled it pretty well. Last night it all finally seemed to surface, and I slept very little. By early this morning, I was sleeping pretty well, but would still wake with bouts of anxiety. It's amazing how worked up a person can become over the unknown sometimes. Besides the anxiety issue, I can't eat anything today, tonight or tomorrow until after the procedure is done. I can have clear liquids, but that's it. This, with the anxiety, is making for a pretty difficult day. Then, if I add in the fact that I started smoking again, but am not smoking today because of the procedure and being put out for it tomorrow, it's even tougher. Luckily, I have not been smoking a lot this time around, and not for very long. It started with just a cigar here and there, like around a fire at night. Then, with all the stress at work, the medical problems from my mishap in May, and some other issues, I found myself enjoying a cigar just about every night. From there, it became easy to slowly increase the amount I was smoking each day. Luckily, I remember just how tough it was to quit, and refused to go that direction again. I did have a few real tough days that I smoked a little more, but as a rule I tried to limit myself to two cigars a day. And, I should note, I do not smile large cigars, but the cigarillo size. Some days I did good with only one, but lately, with all the stuff going on, it's been two or three a day. I know, not bad, but still enough to cause Rhonda some concern. Now, with this procedure tomorrow morning requiring me to be put to sleep for about an hour, I wanted to make sure my lungs were pretty well clear of the smoke. So, I enjoyed my last cigar last night, and refuse to have any today. In fact, just in case the habit had grown strong on me, I made sure I don't even have any today, and I also don't have any way to get any, except to call Rhonda to bring some home with her. So far, I can't say I have even missed them. I don't find myself craving a smoke, or even find myself thinking about one. Except for writing about cigars here, they have not even occupied my thoughts today. Food has, I'm very hungry, but I can drink juices, pop, water, coffee, tea, just about anything that qualifies as a clear liquid, The only exceptions are, no red or purple colors, they could interfere with the images coming in through the scope. But, just drinking a lot is not providing much satisfaction for my desire to eat something, and it's just going to keep getting worse. Tomorrow, the test and then I finally can eat. But, by the time I'm able to, it's going to be closing in on about forty hours without eating. Then, there's the sick feeling from being put under, as well as the upset stomach from having a scope shoved down my throat. I know I won't want much until after we get back home, and even then I may not be up to eating until later in the afternoon. By the time I can eat, and want to eat, I have a feeling that food will make me feel sicker yet. So, it's light food on the menu, chicken noodle soup from a can. Later on, if my appetite and stomach will allow, I may have some beef-noodle hot-dish. We will see how things go. I know by Saturday, however, I'm going ot be starved, and able to eat pretty much anything again. Only, after very little food in just over two days, which it will be by Saturday, I have a feeling my stomach wont hold much before feeling stuffed. This is a good thing, and hopefully will continue, so losing some excess weight will be easier. If this is combined with some good news and an end to the problems I'm having, it's all worth it. |
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