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My musings, my rambles and I welcome you. |
   LIVE WITH INTENTION.  WALK TO THE EDGE.  CHOOSE WITH NO REGRETS.. DANCE IN THE LIGHT APPRECIATE MY FAMILY & FRIENDS.  |
| "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -- Mark Twain They always get the same look of astonishment on their faces when I tell my story. "You just picked up and moved to Hawaii?!" "Yes" "You didn't know anyone?" "Well, the friends I was moving with and I had a job lined up." "But still...Why would you do that?" "Because I was young, single and {if they are Christian and I think they will understand} God sent me." "Wow I could never do that." "Why not?" And again that look of utter disbelief. I could never understand their attitude. Why not start over? Why not explore? Why not dream? As I have gotten older, I understand the pull of people, place, things, and fear. And yet, if dear hubby said "Let's go." I think I could. As long as he didn't propose a place that was too cold or too dark most of the year. *chuckle* we all have our limits  Lani |
| No comments for the last couple of entries. I sometimes wonder if I am talking to the air. Some of the people I used to read and hang with have left the site. And I was checking stats. Most of my readers are from Unknown websites and cannot comment. So who is reading? If a writer writes and no one reads is she still a writer? Like the proverbial tree in the forest that no one hears falling, how do you answer that question? I dunno. Maybe this whole blog is just an exercise in narcissism . I certainly spend a lot of time here with not much show for it. I know this sounds whiny, but I don't know what I really need right now. Maybe some clarity. And I don't think I going to find it gazing at my naval or in front of a computer screen. Lani |
| WHAT DAY IS IT? Oh my god The sun is shining The birds are singing My head is ringing I stumble, fumble For my pants Wallet’s gone Groan Bottles everywhere I’ve got to get to work What day is this? What have I missed? June 8th No way It's suppose to be June 1, What have I done? Write a STORY or POEM about waking up, thinking it was June 1, but discovering that it's really June 8. What happened? I wrote this last year for the "The Writer's Cramp"  ,but I saw the prompt too late for the contest. I hope you enjoy.Lani |
That Girl I want to be that girl. The one who’s free in words and spirit. The one who said, “I love you,” without hesitation. I want to dance like a ballerina twirling my skirt. I want to be that girl, the one who lives behind my mask that hides her beauty. The one not tied by fear and anxiety, but the one who is lovely and free. Please God, I want to live and love with my whole heart. ==================================================================== I wrote this after I reread a fascinating book by John and Stasi Eldredge. Captivating is about the spiritual woman's journey and place in this world. However, it's not the usual Christian bullshit about making babies and walking two steps behind your husband. Did you know that Eve was made last of all of Creation, making her the pinnacle of Creation not an after thought. She is Beauty and the Giver of Life. She is the Help mate and Completer of Man. She is other side of God making a whole picture when the Bible says that "we are made in His Image." Lest we get a big head, she was the the first deceived by Satan. Satan is also called Lucifer or Son of the Morning. It infers a glory, a brightness or a radiance unique to him, but he fell because of pride in his beauty. Now he hates Creation's Beauty and Eve because she is the incarnation of the Beauty of God. John and Stasi talk about the three things that every woman's heart cries out for. 1. Romance and Relationships Women are relationship oriented there is no doubt about that. But so is God. We talk about having a relationship with Jesus after we are saved. We spend one on one time with Him in prayer. We talk, argue, laugh, cry and He is real. Women reflect this quality of the importance relationship to God. And God pursues us. "I have loved you with and everlasting love"(Jer. 31:3) Who wouldn't want to hear those words from a lover? And God said them to us because He "yearns to share beauty, intimacy and adventure with us," as John and Stasi write. 2. An Adventure to Share God looked around the Garden of Eden and said "It was not good for Man to be alone." Wow. New world, new Man, no sin and it"s not perfect yet without Woman. So God creates Eve and calls her "ezer kenegdo". They did not translate it as the predictable "helpmeet" or "companion" they found Hebrew scholar Robert Alter who spent twenty years translating Genesis. He says a better translation of ezer is "lifesaver" and kenegdo as alongside or opposite or counterpart. The mission before the Fall was to "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and conquer it, and hold sway over the fish of the sea and the fowl of the heavens and every beast that crawls on the earth."(Gen. 1:26-28) Now in the Fallen world, life is harder, dirtier, lonelier. God wants to be our ezer: our lifesaver, our essential companion. He is not Santa Claus or the Great Waiter. Women want to help. It's in the DNA of our souls.We are not 'in the way' or to be humored. We are not dolls on a shelf or one of the guys. We want to share a life together, an adventure. This desire is a pure reflection of the heart of God. 3. A Beauty to Unveil John and Stasi write that Beauty is essential to God because Beauty is the essence of God. They say we know this because of nature. Nature is not primarily functional. It is primarily beautiful they contend. And its true. What is the purpose of a beautiful sunset? God could have made the world a Pleasantville movie set and we would have never had know the difference. Beauty inspires, comforts, invites, transcends. Beauty says that all will be well. They continue to say that the deepest ways a woman bears the image of God is in her mystery. The mystery of "something to be explored." God wants to be known. "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart."(Jer. 29:13) The Eldredges write: "If you want to know him you love him; you must seek him with your whole heart. This is crucial to any woman's soul, not to mention her sexuality. 'You cannot simply have me. You must seek me, purse me. I won't let you in unless I know you love me.' "These passages answered so many questions for me. I've never considered myself beautiful. I look a pictures and wonder what others see. There is one though. My husband to be took when we were hiking the Pali trail on Oahu. I am radiant because I am pursing a right relationship with God and my new fiance is pursing me. I am sitting a rock beside some water. I turn at just the right moment for him to capture the light and love that shines in my eyes. I wrote the above poem thinking about that time and how to find that right relationship with God again and with my husband. Disclaimers John and Stasi wrote these disclaimers: "We did not say that a woman is prized only for her good looks. We did not say a woman is here merely to complete a man, and therefore a single woman is somehow missing her destiny. What we said was, first, that Eve was the crown of creation. There is something uniquely magnificent and powerful about a woman. We tried to reveal the immeasurable dignity, the holiness of your feminine heart by showing that it is God who longs for Romance; its God who longs to be our ezer; it is God who reveals beauty as essential to life. You are the image bearer of this God that is why you long for those things too." I have read this many times and listened to the iTunes version. It has given me insight and helped me heal some of the feminine parts of my soul. I think the most significant insight came from the passage:"All women are not mothers but all women are called "to mother." To mother is to nurture, to train, to educate, to rear. As daughters of Eve, all women are uniquely gifted to hep others in their lives to become more of who they truly are - to encourage, to nurture and mother them toward their true selves." This passage has helped take some of the hurt of infertility away and showed me why I love my job so much. The book talks about wounds of a woman's heart and how God wants to heal them. It's not an easy journey but it is well worth it. I hope to find my way back to the right path soon. John Eldredge also wrote Wild at Heart. It is the book for men about their spiritual journey, their place in the world and in His Great Adventure. Lani |
| Work has been stressful the last couple of weeks. There has been lots anxiety related to the general fear of the GREAT UNKNOWN. What will happen with healthcare, Medicare and state funding? No one knows at this point. And in the last couple of shifts I've worked, there has been some problem that has kept me tied to the phone: supplies not showing up or air conditioners and heating systems going crazy. A friend sent me this video to remind me why we do what we do. Update: the original video I posted got pulled. The Premie Song is cute and appropriate |
| This story makes me incredibly sad. I used to live in Kailua. I loved the soft white sandy beaches. I learned to swim in the protective cove that is Kailua Bay. Walking the beach used to be my therapy when things were rough. There was a house that was a marker to turn back. I called it “The South American dictator,” house because it looked like a place Eva Peron would step out and wave to crowds far below. The Spainish style balcony (or so it seemed to me) of the house was so out of place to the easy Island aloha. I am so glad I have beautiful pictures before the soil erosion took place. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33934617/ns/us_news-environment/ |
| "She impeached him when the Legislature wouldn’t,” said veteran University of Virginia political scientist Larry Sabato. “In the future you will have people asking whether the wronged spouses will follow the Hillary Clinton example, or the Jenny Sanford example.” http://www.postandcourier.com/news/2009/dec/10/sanford-escapes/ http://www.postandcourier.com/news/2009/dec/11/jenny-sanford-files-divorce/ "They don’t expect all that much from their public officials but they certainly don’t expect to be embarrassed by them. (Sanford) has humiliated South Carolina. He is a national and international joke." The divorce proceedings are set for Feb and he is out of office next year. Maybe South Carolina can move on after this. Oh wait. Where is that Confederate flag still flying? http://www.postandcourier.com/news/2009/nov/19/gubernatorial-hopeful-mcleod-call... |
| I am sitting at my computer looking out my window. The leaves are falling gently because autumn last almost all winter in costal South Carolina. The lawn is green with patches of brown as if to say this is the last gasp before a winter’s sleep. The bleak morning sun is fading in and out among the clouds. For comic relief, there are wrens playing in the yard and fighting for seeds in the scraggly southern pine just outside my door. My dog lifts his head at their musical noise but decides it’s too much effort to go break into their game. I guess we’re all getting older. What's interesting at least to me is how ordinary everything is today. And how long it’s been ordinary around here. It’s one of the reason’s the blog has been quiet. Of course there have been little dramas but nothing earth shattering or even blog worthy. I missed my Dad again during Thanksgiving and especially this football season with the Colts doing so well. The ache is now familiar so I acknowledge and remember. I did try to take a creative writing class here a WDC. Thanks goes to Boos girl  for her patience, but ordinary life got in the way. I hope to return when I can figure out hubby, ADD, homework, housework and overtime. You know what I have achieved? Ordinary and that’s great. I’m not the center of the universe anymore. A wrong word, a wrong action or a wrong outfit will not shatter the world as we know it. I’m not responsible for Everything. What a relief! Jesus can handle World Peace with out me. He can handle my boss, my family, and my co-workers. I am only responsible for what I do and say. I can pray, but I am not responsible for the out come. He is. Halleluiah and pass the ammunition. It’s only taken 47 years to realize this. Today I have peace and contentment. And I guess that’s not so ordinary. |
| A friend of friend turned me onto this blog. The author is a nurse on a medical mission trip to Tanzania. Her photos are awesome and her entries are good. The NICU and orphanage will break your heart and open your eyes. The English seems a little odd until you remember the author is a Dutch native who has lived in the U.S. since the early '90s. Enjoy http://www.hannekephotography.com/ |
| If this had happened in the D.C. area, it might have been a case for Bones and Booth. Or if it had taken place in Las Vegas, Grissom might have been called. But this is real life and it happened in L.A. Here’s the story as reported by the A.P press: LOS ANGELES — Residents of a Southern California apartment complex say they saw a lifeless body slumped on a neighbor's patio, but didn't call police because they thought it was part of a Halloween display. Mostafa Mahmoud Zayed had apparently been dead since Monday. (Oct 12, 2009) Cameraman Austin Raishbrook, owner of RMG News, told the Los Angeles Times he was at the scene in Marina del Rey Thursday when authorities arrived. The 75-year-old Zayed was slumped over a chair on the third-floor balcony of his apartment with a single gunshot wound to the eye. A Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department investigator says the case is an "apparent suicide." Raishbrook says neighbors told him they noticed the body Monday "but didn't bother calling authorities because it looked like a Halloween dummy." Some poor soul felt life was worthless, couldn’t go on and decided to end it all. Are we so desensitized to the gruesome, that a suicide looks like art? This story made me ill. I wanted to rail against Halloween, violence on TV and in movies. I wanted to warn against the dangers of video games and images from the TV news. I wanted to shake my fist and yell at the neighbors, “Are you stupid?! Are you unfeeling, uncaring misanthropic Neanderthals?” I wanted to do all those things until the small still voice in my heart of hearts asked, “And what would you have done?” And I felt myself cringe. I wish I could say I would have been the one who would have called 911 when I heard the shot. (Why didn’t someone do that?) Or seeing Mr. Zayed’s body on the balcony, called the police. But I don’t know if that’s true. More likely, I would have been like everyone else, looking neither left nor right, up or down, but straight ahead tending to my own concerns. If I did happen to glance up to the third floor patio, would I have seen Mr. Zayed or a Halloween display? It’s about context. I’ve seen dead bodies in hospitals and I’ve seen graphic Halloween displays. I don’t expect to see a suicide but I do expect to see a mangled dummy in Oct on a patio. The real tragedy is Mr Zayed felt so alone he saw suicide as his only option. And the fact his neighbors never missed him. |
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