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Blog started in Jan 2005: 1st entries for Write in Every Genre. Then the REAL ME begins |
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It Hurts When I Stop Talking Sometime in Fall of 1998, when a visit from Dad was infrequent, and primarily at the mercy of his 88 Toyota making the 50 mile journey, I was being treated to lunch. The restaurant was my choice, I think. Sisley Italian Kitchen at the Town Center mall was somewhere my dad had not yet tried, so that was my pick. Either I was being treated to the luxury of lunch and adult conversation without my husband and 5 year old son in tow, or that's just how the moment has lodged in my memory. The more I think about it, they probably were there, but enjoying the Italian food too much to bother interrupting. Daddy and his lady friend at the time, Anne, came up together and made a day of it with me and the family. We were eating together and talking about some of my scripts, stories, coverages, poems and other creative attempts that really were not seeing the light of day. I think I'd just finished a group reading of The Artist's Way and was in a terribly frenetic mood over my writing. I think I'd just given them an entire rundown on a speculative Star Trek script. My Dad asked me point blank, “Why don’t you write it?? Anne agreed. It sure sounded like I wanted to write it. Why wasn't I writing seriously? It's what I'd set out to do when earning my college degree in Broadcasting many years earlier. Heck, I should, I agreed non-verbally. “I will.” But, I didn’t. Blogs can be wild, unpredictable storehouses of moments, tangents, creative dervishes, if you will. I'm getting a firmer handle on my creative cycle. My mental compost heap (which is a catch phrase from Natalie Goldman or Julia Cameron - I can't think which, right now) finally seems to be allowing a fairly regular seepage of by-products. That may be a gross analogy, but I give myself credit to categorize my work in raw terms. It proves that I'm not so much the procrastinating perfectionist that I once was. Still, I always seem to need prompts and motivation. Being a self-starter is the next step. My attempt to keep up in the Write in Every Genre Contest at the beginning of the year seemed like a perfect point to launch the blog. |
| Perhaps watch too much CSI and Criminal Minds (it scares me sometimes to think that Criminal Minds is one of my husband's favorite series, but we're intelligent folk, and it's curiously stimulating)...Really, I know that it's a drama, but I'm still a pretty sweet type (with an inquiring mind) and my perception of how much "bad" may exist in the world is a bit tweaked by this strange mixture of viewing nighttime dramatized fiction (based on pulled from the headlines reality) and waking up to news on NPR. Last night, one of the thoughts in my head (it really just popped in there) was why can't society, as it struggles with recessionary conditions, let prisoners go hungry to feed more law-abiding members. Not talking starvation -- just turn the tables. People who are productive, working poor are eating less. I'm there. I'm an American learning a good lesson in consuming less, fighting obesity, etc. because my money just isn't buying as much anymore. I'm saying this is my reality -- I do not eat 3 meals a day. I probably don't eat what you could call 2 meals a day in calories. And for some reason, eventhough I'd had a good dinner and filled my stomach, this cockamamie idea pops into my head before I drift off to sleep. This disturbs me. I am creating a class distinction. I'm not on the "lowest rung," and so I classify incarcerated robbers and murderers as deserving less than myself or my family. Is it just stupid human survival instinct? Am I suddenly and randomly reactionary in my thoughts rather than serene and compassionate? Trust me, last night, it sounded like a good idea. |
| I had this thought this morning, after a resurfacing kind of discussion with my spouse last night. Seems like we realized that we're afraid of change, (very human); what the change is, and whether the change is for good or bad doesn't really matter. This was the thought...What if there is a Heaven (a reality we all experience after the physical experience we currently call Reality.) And what if Heaven is chaotic to the average human observer -- populated by beings that are constantly changing. And imagine if the one solid Truth of the universe is that Change is Constant. That such a Law of continuous change is Normal (encompassing the very picture of Health, Vitality and Wholeness on a Universal scale)? In this way of looking at things, Heaven is Hell to those that remain afraid of change. |
| Life overtook (me) on the bus ride home today. Praying for less tension, and really wanting to separate from the constructs of daily living that erode innocence, (I) closed out the visions around (me) speaking only within. (I) meditated until (I) cried. Began to only accept the term, "this presence," referencing the unique self rather than state, "me" or "I." Wished for a time that I could continue that. Felt it was authentic, less ego-driven to state things outside of the context of what "I" wanted. Truly wanted to give myself over to the wholeness that senses no separation nor smallness -- impossible from the context of universal proportions! Came back to the day-to-day once arrived at the bus station. Took up conversation with a friendly acquaintance while waiting for the final bus home -- knew my desire to elude the use of "I" almost immediately dissolved. I did however, notice the smell of honeysuckle (possibly), or something light but distinctly fragrant in the air as I trudged the last block to my doorstep. I then also noticed how clear the night sky was -- that I could see the Orion constellation right over me -- and knew that I would never want to surrender myself to any prison where I could not freely step out to experience the smells of Spring emerging and study the night sky. |
| I sometimes complain to myself that I'm not eating enough, but when I really have to be cunning just to eat within my means -- I enjoy my meals so much more than if I'd pounced on the nearest convenience food. It's a hard sell, but nearly everyone in our family is having to do it. Who knew fresh Green Beans could be so tasty (and simple to prepare and store frozen for later)? I do have a an allergy like skin reaction going on, and I don't know if it's nerves or something I'm eating. So, while I don't want to really, I think I shuold keep a food diary. One of my problems is that I do allow creativity in what I eat. So, without noting it down -- I really can easily forget. Tbsp honey orange marmalade 1/2 cup green beans cup of fruit punch mixed with cherry 7up A few ounces of MP (Target brand) chicken grilled in olive oil cup of pineapple a Yoplus (cherry) 1/2 cup of Indian spice Yogi tea (hot) |
| Hearing the news report about the 8.5 earthquake in Chile while reading of an "art" installation in the UK Science Museum where random chat comments are spoken, it made me wonder if recording the information of a great earthquake in a blog would be considered a unique internet event. |
| It's the little things that get you down -- A bonus you didn't know you could have gotten, for example. It makes you blurt out, "Well, Life's not fair, is it?!" In reality I do know that Life is divinely fair. But when lacking a bit of sleep or substantial nutrients, one does get crabby -- maybe even irrational. But there are also random little things that show up to capture one's attention for a positive uplift. Look over at this -- I like both the video and the whole of the blog entry http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/thereporters/willgompertz/2010/02/40_wild_birds_play_... Having to squeeze in this entry in between work tasks, I've diverted from what I wanted to record originally. The name -- Work Blessings. It's rolling around my sinus pressured skull right now. A person could/should counsel others out of work funks to make the day continue on bearably. It's a thought that could be the seed for another career course correction. I don't know if I could do it, or if I need it myself right now! |
| I make crazy routes along the internet sometimes, I admit it. If "driving" the Information Superhighway was anything like real driving, they'd take away my license (that, or my husband would refuse to go on so many "scenic drives")! Well, sometimes I just waste time. Other times I have a definite purpose (at least when I start out). In this case, I went looking for ANY available showtimes for a couple movies that had already come out a month or more ago. Unfortunately, for me neither movie I had in mind is a current indy "Oscar" contender, nor the uber-popular and long-lived Avatar. To make this simple, I'll just tell you one of the movies I was tracking down. The movie is called, Extraordinary Measures, released in mid- to late January 2010. I never actually found out if it was still hanging on in some discount cinema twenty to forty miles from me, because I got caught up reading a short article out of the Midland Daily News. http://ourmidland.com/articles/2010/02/14/local_news/2387321.txt#blogcomments That would be a local media outlet for Midland, Michigan, not Midland Texas. And that distinction only makes a difference if you pick up from the article that there seems to be a higher concentration of children from Michigan being diagnosed with Pompe's disease. The first comment, spurred on by this basic human-interest story, was taken-on vehemently by most people who later decided to also comment. The commenter plainly indicated that such children once were allowed to die, thus saving society a lot of money. This is not an exact quote, but it is nearly as stark as the way the "Teresa" leaving the comment put it forward. Some people tried to ignore it. Others went ballistic (only one or two skirted threatening abuse to the woman.) As usual, I wasn't completely incensed, as a matter of fact, at first, I don't think I quite got it. The only kindness the poster used was to substitute "pass" for "die," and I think that's where I had to read it over a few times to fully pick up what she was implying. I did end up making a comment myself -- and I wondered, without putting it into my own posted comments, really wondered -- Could she have been told those same stark words herself, once long ago, and actually come to believe that the rest of society did not know the facts? Teresa sees a world with "scarce resources." Luckily, there are individuals who live courageously beyond mere facts of life, and inspire society to do better than "what's best." The Crowley parents took measures into their own hands to encourage something extraordinary, as the movie title implies. I think this article and the comments here speak to the desire of many to have hope rather than just face facts. It's not just about America, or American society when someone suggests that our current health care debate may return us to a backwater age. Let's embrace the struggle that drives all of Life. We can globally improve if willing. We can be appalled by what Teresa screamed into the Void, or we can be grateful that we stopped to notice; just think -- and possibly expanded our view of what is truly important. |
| While spending the weekend at my mom's, I relaxed enough to get some *umph* back. I realized both through coincidence and with planning that I might find myself driving up north (or otherwise spending Saturday away from home) quite often in the beginning of 2010. I hope to make that a good thing. Isn't it funny how we always race into a new year? We don't seem to remember by October at what point the year slowed to "real-time" -- but I do think we all recognize when "fast-forward" has been hit! |
| A reading of Julia Cameron's, Prayers from the Great Creator, this morning helped me to remember that we, just like the earth, have much good come into our lives -- after the rain. "The expectation of growth," the pg. 281 entry included. At the cusp of Fall turning to Winter, it is a nice reminder that this needed rain does not so much cause instant growth, but stirs in us the expectancy of burgeoning growth. |
| Thought of this as I licked an oversized Yoplait YoPlus aluminum lid...It resembles a thought bubble. Suddenly I'm imagining scrapbooking and using it as a bottom layer for a journaled thought bubble over some picture. Then the picture inhabitant will have a thought bubble (mind-cloud) with a silver lining. I also have to use these puns eventually: Getting Meven Mehavior |
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