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Blog started in Jan 2005: 1st entries for Write in Every Genre. Then the REAL ME begins |
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It Hurts When I Stop Talking Sometime in Fall of 1998, when a visit from Dad was infrequent, and primarily at the mercy of his 88 Toyota making the 50 mile journey, I was being treated to lunch. The restaurant was my choice, I think. Sisley Italian Kitchen at the Town Center mall was somewhere my dad had not yet tried, so that was my pick. Either I was being treated to the luxury of lunch and adult conversation without my husband and 5 year old son in tow, or that's just how the moment has lodged in my memory. The more I think about it, they probably were there, but enjoying the Italian food too much to bother interrupting. Daddy and his lady friend at the time, Anne, came up together and made a day of it with me and the family. We were eating together and talking about some of my scripts, stories, coverages, poems and other creative attempts that really were not seeing the light of day. I think I'd just finished a group reading of The Artist's Way and was in a terribly frenetic mood over my writing. I think I'd just given them an entire rundown on a speculative Star Trek script. My Dad asked me point blank, “Why don’t you write it?? Anne agreed. It sure sounded like I wanted to write it. Why wasn't I writing seriously? It's what I'd set out to do when earning my college degree in Broadcasting many years earlier. Heck, I should, I agreed non-verbally. “I will.” But, I didn’t. Blogs can be wild, unpredictable storehouses of moments, tangents, creative dervishes, if you will. I'm getting a firmer handle on my creative cycle. My mental compost heap (which is a catch phrase from Natalie Goldman or Julia Cameron - I can't think which, right now) finally seems to be allowing a fairly regular seepage of by-products. That may be a gross analogy, but I give myself credit to categorize my work in raw terms. It proves that I'm not so much the procrastinating perfectionist that I once was. Still, I always seem to need prompts and motivation. Being a self-starter is the next step. My attempt to keep up in the Write in Every Genre Contest at the beginning of the year seemed like a perfect point to launch the blog. |
| Someone with some oversight into my volunteer position recently requested that I "track" the attendance and request adherence to a sign-in. While I agree that I had come up with a concept for classroom behavior that would make the sign-in essential, I still found myself a bit distainful of the the statistical side of it. Not a personal distain for the person requesting it, but an inner distaste for adhering to "another thing." I found myself knittting in the evening, and in it's meditative rythmn, It struck me that I've never liked the preparation or mindfulness over set-up, tracking, measuring, counting that is "required" of my hobbies. The careful measuring and lining a piece of parchment in preparation of calligraphy, outlining a paper, counting rows or individual stitches in knitting. No,sir, rather not have to do those things; just do it. The art project doesn't come out as perfectly aligned perhaps, but I'm generally pleased with the outcome. And it doesn't help that others are equally quick to applaud the efforts even if (and mostly if) I haven't done any prepwork or "measuring." It'll be interesting thing to continue to contemplate. |
| My spouse was progressively ill this past Thursday, first with a racing heart then (with other symptoms by late, late Saturday), like nausea and light-headedness. It was scary having to take him to the emergency room, but ultimately the news is good. All the tests show his heart is strong and healthy. He had very low potassium, and I can't say I understand how that threw his body chemistry offbalance to where we were interpreting his symptoms as signs of a heartattack, but better safe than sorry. Thank you for your prayers. Jill |
| I had a woman whom I don't know approach me today at church to declare her opinion that my young daughter is overweight...in peril of Diabetes, amputation, blindness and heart stress. Maybe not so strangely, this hit me from left field like a scary ol' fellow in a sandwich board suddenly scrambling forward and declaring Armageddon is nigh!. Has my daughter gained enough weight to make me concerned for her health? Marginally, during a fairly low activity summer. Is she still trying to wear some favorite separates that no longer fit her best - Yes. She's only approaching nine-years old. She actually didn't seem as stunned and emotionally caught up in the exchange as I allowed myself to reach. But the sad truth is she is affected. I now feel that I have to monitor very closely her self-esteem and her perceived body image. To me, this is my daughter's first loss of innocence. The societal pressure to be overly conscientious about weight. I'll say it again, my daughter is not yet nine. This moment of "advice" spoken directly in my daughter's presence has placed an expectation on her to not eat sweets so that she not dare bulge forth in public. She takes this stranger's opinion to heart, and now wants to check the labels on foods to limit sugar intake. And I've been obligated to a path to assure that she not take another extreme -- the perfection extreme that saddens and kills even younger lives than I believe Diabetes claims. |
| The Birthday contests and activities have me in a wishin' mood. Some more merit badges would make me feel good -- but am I deserving of any more than the five I've been honored to receive? I just came across someone's profile that has 200 badges; (yikes!) how's that possible in a mere two-year stretch? Very active, friendly person I guess. Being forced to skeleton crew level at work lately (more vacationing than business troubles, really) I have had to wonder about how most people perceive me socially. Am I cold? I can get very focused (and sometimes irritated) to where I can't easily participate in idle office chatter. And so I wonder, if I am too stiff, shy, or just not active enough, young enough, giving enough here? In a place I love to fritter away time at, while at the same time giving fuel to my creative fire? I am not feeling nor affirming that I am anything less than, but I am curious about whether I might do anything even a tiny bit differently -- both in written and spoken (chatty) communicating. |
| I was curious about the information available about the Playa encampment at Black Rock Desert NV known by fastival goers and watchers as "Burning Man." This was on the site; a position I was ignorant of -- I guess it's not just an overblown rave "BURNING MAN IS AN EXPERIMENT IN TEMPORARY COMMUNITY. Because many people only know a world shaped by institutions, service workers and commercial transactions, they may not even recognize the signs of a community. Here are a few indications: * CAPACITY Communities are built on the recognition of the unique abilities of every member. Commerce and the public service sector define us on the basis of deficiency and need. * COLLECTIVE EFFORT Community is cooperative -- uniting us as varied members of one body. When, by contrast, we consume a service, we're made passive. 50 million people may view a television program or consume a beverage in complete isolation from one another. * INFORMALITY In the community, transactions of value take place without money, advertising, or hype. Care emerges in place of structured service. * STORIES In universities, people know through studies. In businesses and bureaucracies, people know by reports. In communities, people know by stories. * CELEBRATION Community activities incorporate celebration, parties and other social events. The line between work and play is blurred and the human nature of everyday life becomes part of the way you work. You will know that you are in a community if you often hear laughter and singing." A very interesting statement of purpose and vision. It is not necessarily a unique vision, but it does speak well of goals which all could aspire to, don't you think? |
| Q: What increased cost is taking the biggest bite out of your budget these days? A: Housing Q: Please explain. A: I am in a fortunate situation, living in a relative's home. I pay rent and have voluntarily increased the amount every 6mos to "face reality." I know what I pay is still hundreds below what others pay. Yet, the monthly amount I'm paying is nearly 60% of the famuly's (my one-income) net monthly income. If housing prices hadn't gotten so ridiculously inflated by "investor's flipping market" and the credit business in the past 4 years, I think rents would be manageable still. And rents like this coupled with utilities -- it's a tipping point. Q: In what other areas are you feeling the pinch -- especially areas that aren't being discussed in the media? A: School lunch programs. My high-school aged child received it free last year, but my elementary school aged child only at "reduced." It wasn't an expense I expected. And I think the cost of food to the school districts will require that many more families this year are not going to always qualify. Q: Have you lived through a period of rising inflation before? If so, when... and how did you cope with it? A: Early Nineties and the Late Seventies, sure. I remember a hit to my income after the Northridge earthquake; lost my job. But that was probably more dramatic than the actual impact, or my memory of any inflationary impact from the 90's. I remember more as a kid in the Seventies with gas lines and my parents' frugal spending. Q: What else should we know about the effects of inflation? A: Much can be said for supporting Goodwill and other thrift stores during this time -- no sales tax on purchases, for one. And such non-profit agencies that receive support from those sales are helping to cover when people feel unable to give outright. I've grown up on second-hand, and so are my children. |
| I have only a couple days of vacation left. I've done some great relaxing and free-spirited activities. Yet, one thing I thought I'd find time for, or would be stir-crazy about, is organizing. Almost completely, "organizing" should be read as full-on clutter removal. I have found other things to do instead -- including several blog entries in the same month, which is not typical -- clear sign of avoidance. I guess finding things in an expected place is something that I have to value more in my day-to-day at home. |
| Enjoying my own cleverness, I've decided to immortalize the handle which I temporarily placed up on the day (today) which I finally saw The Dark Knight. So, having noted more a numb feeling than the generally male Testosterone-enriched exhuburance that most have expressed, I have already speculated that the special features on the future DVD release will please me more. There are just a few details that drew me out of what was a very layered (and maybe too much so) story. I suspect a few details in a deleted scene or two may assist me in eventually admitting admiration alongside enjoyment of a few hours killed in frosty theater-box comfort. The only feature that stands out in my mind right now is special effects ranging from vertical flip of a big rig and trailer to Two-Face "makeup" which was very likely computer improved, but so magnificent and believable. Aaron Eckhart's Harvey Dent character has the most transforming to go through. Christian Bale's Batman is static with an bump of development toward the end. And Heath Ledger's Joker had to come into it crazy, so his homework was complete long before the cameras rolled. I also enjoyed the editor's of Director of photography's call on Joker's final scene. While Joker is snared and hanging upside-down monologuing like crazy over Batman's faults, I found it functionally correct to have his topsy-turvy self shown in an upright alignment. |
| The modern age of email and how we still can't keep ourselves organized is such a point of humor for me. I sent myself an email back on 11-7-07 which had these words typed into it -- Stern:unforgiving:unrelenting:driven:passionate The funny thing is, I remember what this was in relation to; I probably wanted to write about it, but did not have the time to do more than note down these impressions while I was at work. On Sundays I volunteer as what is essentially "Youth Director." Every second Sunday, and oftentimes additional weeks, I am with free-spirited youngsters for an energy-filled hour and a half. One of my "charges" would sometimes push my buttons. I don't think on that day she realized that she'd found a chink in my armour by stating that I was "stern." However, knowing my own internal gut cramp from the off the cuff assessment, I knew that I had to turn it around in my own head, and quick. I'm sure I wrote something to help me explore and resolve my turmoil. There it is more than this "paper note." |
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