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Blog started in Jan 2005: 1st entries for Write in Every Genre. Then the REAL ME begins |
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It Hurts When I Stop Talking Sometime in Fall of 1998, when a visit from Dad was infrequent, and primarily at the mercy of his 88 Toyota making the 50 mile journey, I was being treated to lunch. The restaurant was my choice, I think. Sisley Italian Kitchen at the Town Center mall was somewhere my dad had not yet tried, so that was my pick. Either I was being treated to the luxury of lunch and adult conversation without my husband and 5 year old son in tow, or that's just how the moment has lodged in my memory. The more I think about it, they probably were there, but enjoying the Italian food too much to bother interrupting. Daddy and his lady friend at the time, Anne, came up together and made a day of it with me and the family. We were eating together and talking about some of my scripts, stories, coverages, poems and other creative attempts that really were not seeing the light of day. I think I'd just finished a group reading of The Artist's Way and was in a terribly frenetic mood over my writing. I think I'd just given them an entire rundown on a speculative Star Trek script. My Dad asked me point blank, “Why don’t you write it?? Anne agreed. It sure sounded like I wanted to write it. Why wasn't I writing seriously? It's what I'd set out to do when earning my college degree in Broadcasting many years earlier. Heck, I should, I agreed non-verbally. “I will.” But, I didn’t. Blogs can be wild, unpredictable storehouses of moments, tangents, creative dervishes, if you will. I'm getting a firmer handle on my creative cycle. My mental compost heap (which is a catch phrase from Natalie Goldman or Julia Cameron - I can't think which, right now) finally seems to be allowing a fairly regular seepage of by-products. That may be a gross analogy, but I give myself credit to categorize my work in raw terms. It proves that I'm not so much the procrastinating perfectionist that I once was. Still, I always seem to need prompts and motivation. Being a self-starter is the next step. My attempt to keep up in the Write in Every Genre Contest at the beginning of the year seemed like a perfect point to launch the blog. |
| Entered 1-7-12; minor correction 2-3-12 Deleting email creates an effective meditative state. I just considered the viability of blog readership. My blog entries have purpose. Sometimes I hope and even brag to others that they must stop what they are doing, and go read my input. Most often, I think it becomes more a repository of notes to myself, and I'd actually prefer no one were interested. The space between people is seemingly shrunk by the accessibility to personal details which are willingly placed on the Internet now. It is as if I have written a collection of anything from the day's errands to my lifelong manifesto in a journal -- then left it sitting out in a public toilet. If you found it there, would you be more or less compelled to read it? It's a bit different from visiting your Great Aunt Shirley, and coming across her diary in a cozy spare bathroom. As long as the author and her guests continue playing Bridge and won't miss your absence, of course you might take the time to skim for interesting highlights. I'm a fan of Bookcrossing, bookcrossing.com this perspective on who might read my blog gives it a whole new element of excitement. But then, just leaving it in the home bathroom could be more intriguing for that audience?! Best line from Tin Man (2007) "You know you really should do something about that BITTER cynicism of yours Cain." |
| Reflection Nature and Stance Three tenets of my own meditation practice; and not always taken together. I easily fool myself and elude my practice, much like I walk determinedly everyday to some degree, but side-step stretching and the care (before or after) that would give my tense, sometimes spastic, leg muscles more flexibility and capability. I bring up reflection, simply, in reference to the way I like to play selections of music. If you are leading others in meditation and it is a fairly new experience for those attempting it, I like to create a special arrangement of music. I select three pieces and then I record them so that there is one central piece bookended by the other two before and after. If I have musical pieces A, B and C, and A is my central piece, I record in this reflective order: BCACB. It could also be CBABC, and that is up to your choosing which music flows into the central piece best. I like such an arrangement, as it allows for a way to spiral in deep, and feel naturally led out. When I want to lead a guided meditation, I cannot seem to help but focus on Nature. Many of us forget how to appreciate Nature in our daily lives so much as it is, especially as an adult. How often does the city-dweller get to see the stars of the Milky Way galaxy? But particularly, if I want to focus on Prosperity, what better example than Nature and all the life around us. How many leaves are in that one tree? How many seeds in its cones? The reliable extension of being a creation, believing in a First Cause, a Creator or Creators. I use what I easily feel connected to, even if still in awe of, but not separate from. What I term, Stance, I suspect some might more readily think of as stillness. It is the state I believe is the most difficult for meditation learners to achieve. It does not simply mean to hold oneself still. I am also speaking of the ability and receptivity one can achieve with proper stance. Explaining this will require me to talk about the nature of motion and how we perceive time. I also do not think it has to do with controlling motion, although from the perspective of modern Physics, it just might. First let me explore something that I will -- for the moment -- call related, even though it is very external to my meditation experience. Why do we get jumpy if suddenly we see movement? Biologists and Anthropologists would likely point us to our survival instinct and the utility of peripheral vision. I admit to being more than a little bit jumpy. I am at times a crazy-minded passenger, freaking when the most beloved driver next to me is not responsive upon the brake pedal at the same rate I might use. Lack of control has plagued me in this way, but I think there are other examples. I am also disturbed by the sudden appearance of crawling bugs at my desk or kitchen floor... and then, on top of that, often it is imperative I avoid discovering any of the squirmy varieties as well. These are areas where my fear overrides any daily, outward calm that I actively sustain. They only concern me if I sense them. Usually it is visual stimuli that sets it off, but I also know that I could also have an unpleasant encounter with a bug without seeing it. I know you are shuddering compassionately along with me now as I imagine those possibilities, yet it is worse, (isn't it?) once visual confirmation of the cause of the creepy feeling up one's leg is made. So, I am talking about the requisite quieting of one's mind, and sitting comfortably, and guarding against outward stimuli for a time (most often achieved by closing the eyes). Taken together, why does this stance do so much for successful meditation? I believe the answer lies with physics. At an elementary level, I am going to get scientific. And while I am a great fan of science and scientists, I am as lost as most, and never took a class in Physics. But this is what fit together for me when I came out of my meditation this morning. So, we can appreciatively explore this as we might have indulged me in anything that came to mind in first grade Show and Tell. The true success in meditation for me is when I feel I have felt that connection to the greater Whole, but not felt a sense of travel or passage of time. I really don't think I should sense anything. I just want to BE. So, as difficult as it may be to let thoughts and desires disperse, and to stop shifting in one's chair, or find a casual place for the hands, by far the most difficult is to resist grasping for a sense of time. Here's what I remind myself: motion and time are related. I believe your Stance, if it is geared to non-motion, even if we're only faking it, (because everything that makes up the physical you and the place where you are is still in motion in a very real sense), helps you experience real time, not a distorted measurement of time. (Physics author, Brian Greene, The Fabric of the Cosmos) [11-12-11 original / 1-7-12 small edit] |
| I came across a phrase in the forward of a book I was perusing on an internet sales site last night. My home computer's history would remind me where I was and who I was reading (and out of fairness, I'll sneak it in here later). But it was the content that grabbed my attention, not the whys and "what for" queries detailists might ask. The author is the author of Blink but in the book I was considering, he was describing the practice ethic of Baseball's Ted Williams. It put forth the concept that we all underestimate ourselves. That we should look at talent not as either there, or not there, but as unrealized. When considering a base level of what most feel prosperity is, wouldn't it be clear that one should never play small? I feel drawn to assisting others in realizing inherent goodness and capability -- maybe not bombarding individuals with happiness and smiley faces at all times, but just to get one to the level of dipping down but still being fully capable of rising back up. (More to Come) |
| Walking the path of every celebrating child tonight, my heart takes note of all that delights a child's soul. To talk of prosperity, not all connections to this universal idea come down to monetary wealth, of course. Nothing causes a more forlorn existence than to live and forget the bounty that exists in the world to the mind of a child. Children appear to hold a purity until taught that the world is perceived otherwise. The worldly powers we have children worship shapes the older souls they may become. So tonight, in aligning to this pure scope, let us list the joys of childhood – ideas of prosperity – the qualities of divinity that sparkle and shine as treasure, but that we seem to disregard as we grow: Beloved Presence, you are the greeter at the door -- even the timid know how to perceive your goodness and be grateful, there, in the moment; shouting with delight, "Trick or Treat." Let it all unfold perfectly, in time with the setting sun or with surprise in the darkness. Some of it may stay shielded from my sight, but as a child, I do not need to know all that now, trusting instead in invincibility. Prosperity at child-level: Accept what comes your way... Halloween candy, zapatos filled with papa natividad gifts, hand me downs, fields aswarm with fireflies. Catching fly balls, being the targeted recipient of a water balloon on a day of trying heat. Snow balls or ice cubes down the shirt when the rule, “anything goes” is in play. The unexpected glance and smile of acknowledgment from the one you admire. High fives, thumbs-up encouragement, text messages, any color of bands for your retainer or braces, or choice of tooth brush color given freely from your dentist. Kids meal menu choices, comfortably the same wherever you go. Grandma's hugs and care packages when frequent hugs become impractical. Campfire stories and dares. Collecting school fundraiser pledges, earning gold stars, new pencils, or scratch n' sniff stickers with positive interjection phrases. Anticipating pints of milk, apples and oranges, pancakes on a Sunday afternoon. Beanie Babies, chocolate Easter rabbits and marshmallow Peeps. Semi-sweet chocolate chips from the bag before being mixed into the dough. Trading cards, crickets, skinned knees, bruises, bloodied noses and tummy aches. Friends that like your Facebook status. Sharing the Big Gulp, large popcorn, or the cost of ride tickets at the county fair. Spelling Bee practice and multiplication flash cards. Writing notes in code and calculating decimal places of Pi. Matching up socks from the dryer, Picking out and wrapping gifts for friends' birthday parties. How many cannonballs you can do into your friend's pool in a row. Counting out the blades of grass in the backyard. The different kinds of bugs found under one large rock. Your collection of rocks and the case to fill with Hot Wheels. The number of Pokemon to catch; the sheer amazement at the number of Lego pieces available to a Master builder. Always a new book at library storytime. Saturday morning cartoons, movie credits and minutes in soundtracks. Stairs on the mall escalator, plugs on the powerstrip behind the family room entertainment center. Seats on a schoolbus. Water from a hose, stars in a desert campsite, ocean waves toppling you in.... Accepting these gifts at the various stages of childhood, but often unable to appreciate and show abundant gratitude until later in life, I say, "Universe," your blessings cycle around through all our recalled times and moments. For this I am grateful now. The interest on my joyful investment is paid many times over. No cares carry forward, as the recognition of its good comes from beyond anything we must remember to do. Live free like a child -- all is cared over. And so it is. |
| Entry number two-hundred; should I be proud? The item I place here is less blog journal, more a pre-meditated project that I did not start when I first intended...so, some of the power is already sapped out of clocking it in now as entry number two-hundred. I've had a depressive-manic-average kind of day for a mom with a family. Some of me is still rooted in some ego angst from yesterday. A defeatist spiral I willing jumped into after feeling unfulfilled at a party. Continuing a crying fest in the morning until I could nudge response from my body to focus, eat, pray.... Jovial meandering through several neighborhoods until I could find the proper passage to the Los Angeles Zoo. Finally feeling useful as a guide to our little gathered group trick or treating in small cul de sacs within the zoo grounds. Putting off lunch, and later receiving baked chips, an ice cream Sundae and a small bottle of Coke. So, enough documenting my ups and downs. The point is to get down my gratitude in a lyrical format as part of my month-long prosperity practice. Day 1 is as follows: Talk of the horizon, and my gaze is taking in all that is laid within view, but talk of possibility and my eyes perceive nothing outwardly shown. Instead, all that could be comes across the threshold of the mind. Instantly, the great bounty of Earth and sky is dwarfed by all else that already stretches beyond the horizon, beyond reckoning, possibly still forming at the gate of time... Recognizing divine influence and the congruence of forever cycling actions and reactions in the Universe, add this with the unknowable mysteries of all time and events awaiting creation.... Beloved Presence, wrapped inexorably from within the quantum-level of life and that which eyes cannot penetrate -- yet 'suredly could be perceived there; continue the rotations of star matter for my heart's delight. Let it all swirl perfectly, synchronously or unexpectedly. So little of it will ever be in my sight, but remind every cell that it once was there in the deep, dark, wide dance. With the mind of a scientist poised for discovery, I take this belief of the great dance from deep knowing that such a basic shared activity brings all faiths vibrations into play. As I can be as the Beloved can be -- a mirror of this profound love -- mothering every cell. Reminding each, "Even in your place now," in physical structures layered and deep, the dark space, wherever it is, remains a place made for the dance of Life. Whether in interior tissue, or outer skin layers, the pattern of energy speaks the same living language of ancient, expanding blessings. The animal kingdoms, the Redwood stands, the vast oceans also feel the truth in the sacred dance. And so, this All-power and my power comes from an expressive, expansive, compassionate, creative state, forever wheeling. This ever-developing Universe provides; all connections accept every medium, and the responsive returns on each demand for power is answered. Unconditional Love persists and fills every mold just as ordered. In placing thought, word and action toward the prosperous well-being of all aware and seeking a prosperity that is called for, desired and honored, collectively we agree that all needed action to this goal is taking place without struggle. Even the unspoken demands -- like an autonomic muscle placing its order in a language of energy alone -- this is required simply by design. Nothing is easier to show gratitude for than all that is set into motion without interference. Receptive, always allowing a space to be filled is the ground work for the actual prosperity work. Digging the space for the well invites it being filled by the rain. Putting that work off, results in muddy run-off. Praise the ancestor with the vision, determination and courage to establish anything you do not have to sweat. But be willing to bow your head in tolerance and gratitude for every once of strength you, and those currently around you, show for all work to build upon that foundation, whether to maintain or build higher. Just as seasons come and go, what is provided, slips seamlessly from the idea, to the creative power behind the idea, into manifestation. The opening to awareness that has been called effortlessly wanes until we forget any past action. Accepting the gifts of the Universe become delights we seed in the soul, and never perceive in rethinking nor regret. A blessing happens for every cell, in every micro-moment, because the effort comes from beyond our doing. And so it is. |
| I think I'd like to blend about three ideas together in a kind of marathon lead-up to NaNoWriMo this year. One is an older idea I recall having but never acted on it fully; to write a poem everyday as practice and then make the collection of them available monthly. In other words, write in the preceding month what I want to publish and sell for the next. That's actually a very rookie way to state it, since that's how weeklies and magazines have forever done a line-up schedule. in this case, this is due to my specifically wanting to write on prosperity so that there is a prosperity reading for everyday of the prosperity vigil my church community is going to hold for November. Best line from Tin Man (2007) "You know you really should do something about that BITTER cynicism of yours Cain." |
| Twenty-five years ago, I made a speech to the members and guardians gathered at the annual state convention of Job's Daughters. That gathering is called Grand Bethel, and the speech was actually a Librarian's Report, a requirement to close out my year holding an honorary State office for the young women's organization. I was able to capture a clear enough image of the last half of my written report from a scrapbook I located at this June 2011's Grand Bethel. The seed of my speech came from my heartfelt respect for the Challenger astronauts, the seven that died suddenly mere minutes into launch in the second and only space shuttle mission of that year, 1986. And now, twenty-five and a half years later, the shuttle program is completely ended -- graciously with the successfully completed Atlantis mission. So one aspect of how we have reached out into space has closed, but not because of failure, just in the way that changes where and how we proceed. And I find that the persistence that allowed America's space program to endure that inspired me then, still holds true. And Job's Daughters International persists in a similar way of which I can still be proud. I am not surprised to know that what I said to those filling the San Francisco Convention Center Arena is still remembered by some. Here is that captured portion of what I said: "As young girls join this organization, they are told of the patience of Job, but it takes experience to understand the importance of such patience. Astronauts and workers in our space program, highly trained, experienced people, have received very little recognition in the last few years, and yet they still venture forth, for the good of mankind, with the spirit of camaraderie and thirst for space exploration which they share among themselves. Girls won't learn the most important lessons the International Order of Job's Daughter's has to offer unless they are kept interested, involved, and are recognized and respected by both their bethel sisters and their guardians. Learning patience is part of showing yourself as a responsible person, duty-bound to making your own decisions, responsible for your own actions, and conscientious toward your fellow man. Learning all this and more is what I feel Job's Daughter's is all about. The lessons which this organization was founded on apply to the young and old alike. Our organization brings young girls and counseling adults together to help insure the development of a society that features responsible young women. Just as future generations should not be kept from first-hand discovery of the "Final Frontier," future generations of girls cannot be denied such valuable lessons. Being responsible is what we all must seek as our primary duty as individual Job's Daughters. Let's also show that our organization is important, and deserves to be recognized more clearly. Let's make Job's Daughter's popular again; change the idea in many people's minds that anything even remotely religious is boring or uncool. There's nothing wrong with actually respecting your parents, supporting your country's government and honoring its flag. Do you think the robes we wear are insignificant or dumb? For the year 1986, I think we should consider ourselves the voguest organization around! One very highly respected woman known throughout the world wears a robe, much like ours, representative of those worn in Greece when the foundations of Democracy were first born. And she's being honored this year. [Respectfully submitted Grand Bethel Librarian 1985-86]" That was the Statue of Liberty I was referring to if your recall of 1986 highlights is a bit fuzzy. Do you think at the time I realized how much I was truly expressing how I value perseverance? And how it is important for young and old to accomplish valuable learning time together? Besides the exhilaration I experienced giving that talk, and still knowing how I felt -- I guess by seeing my continued interest in both the boundless frontier that the universe presents and the involvement I continue to have with youth programs, I did, and do know. |
| I just noticed a fortune cookie fortune discarded on my desk; "Praise a fine day at night." What a simple idea of gratitude. It makes me want to turn it around since the whole family tends to DO at night -- not always welcoming much activity in the daytime. What would that come out as? "Praise a grand night upon the day." I find that when I see a new movie, whether it is intellectually challenging (and delightfully enjoyed as such) or just middling mass media, I have grander ideas about the experience by morning. And last night it was the excursion to the drive-in and seeing Kung Fu Panda 2, followed by Thor. Don't think I had any new feeling about Thor -- my second time seeing it (although, I do think I was more forgiving of the acting by some -- mostly Princess Amidala -- [which in not remembering the actress' name right now, might speak volumes] and more impressed by the acting [heck, just the presence] of Chris Hemsdale and Anthony Hopkins). But I'm off track. The thing that came to mind about Kung Fu Panda 2 was that it was The Empire Strikes Back meets Conan meets cynical Dr. Smith in Lost In Space! For fun, you figure that out -- I'm not explaining it to anyone at this time. Best line from Tin Man (2007) "You know you really should do something about that BITTER cynicism of yours Cain." |
| I often get little words of wisdom popping phrase-like and mostly-formed into my head. The first interpretation does not always remain by the time I get to paper or computer screen. This one progressed from a random thought; fueled by local media hoopla over a prediction of Judgment Day. I could not fit it as the title for the entry, although I knew it could be simplified. And once I'd workit into three different versions, I realized each had lost the feeling behind my original intention. The impact to a reader, I felt differed for each, and yet I wasn't sure my original provided the best message or impact -- thus one edits. But I have to wonder, was my first thought (which did not make my final list of three) meant only for me to reflect on then? And is this the true hang-up most authors have? Those who allow the inner critic and fast-to-act editor to "improve upon" before the idea is internalized first for the author? Or is that even possible without the author becoming the reader (and re-reader many times over). Here are the three versions in the order that I revised. For the second one, I was glad to have accomplished succinctness, but still preferred to hang "alone" on the end rather than the starting hook; hence the third revision. For endings, be with someone who will speak highly of you....even more important, if you feel alone. If alone, in The End, be with someone who will speak highly of you. Should today be proclaimed the end, choose to be with one who will speak highly of you, and let that one be yourself. Which is best? Best line from Tin Man (2007) "You know you really should do something about that BITTER cynicism of yours Cain." |
| Read below my (favorite dialogue) privacy hedge for the epiphany which I feel I can't just blurt out to start an entry. We'll call it a new hobby that came to me tonight: Best line from Tin Man (2007) "You know you really should do something about that BITTER cynicism of yours Cain." Cain: "Why? Someones gotta keep your wide eyed optimism in check."  This is what I see on the business card: On-demand storyteller; in-person...via Readeo...or recording... Ten years ago, on the cusp of a major move from one community to another, I was briefly mentored by a professional storyteller. Now, I find myself thinking about the possibilities in a new world of how to entertain in this form...Since Christmas 2010, I have been marveling at "new" technology and how I might use it to make a living doing something as lovely as storytelling. I was first inspired by Franklin's Anybook Reader http://www.franklin.com/estore/dictionary/drp-3000/, Hallmark's Recordable Storybook http://www.hallmark.com/online/in-stores/recordable-storybooks/, and just recently, I read about Readeo, an on-line platform for face-to-face reading, called BookChat http://www.readeobookchat.com/. The devices are secondary to what is mine to do as the performer, but I am fired-up thinking that they provide a completely altered avenue, in which you are not trying to gather an audience to you. Record it, and you become portable to your customer. Or, on-line, be available to anyone anywhere at anytime on-line -- and without any use of a car to transport you or the audience. I have frequently cycled back to my interest in storytelling -- I've never been at all enamored of solely performing my own stories. I see that for some reason the interest peaks when I am actively planning a move. I do not think it has to do with the shock of packing books -- I haven't started that here, just yet. But I do accept that I like to read and hear the written word performed. It is no coincidence that I love movies that are derived from classic literature. I love singer-songwriters. I love guided meditation, and I love crafting the experience of guided meditation for others. My spouse has always railed against being "on-call," but it has never bothered me. I may be over-estimating the demand, but wouldn't it be cool at least to say, "I'm on-call to read to Charlie Sheen's twins"? |
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