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Blog started in Jan 2005: 1st entries for Write in Every Genre. Then the REAL ME begins |
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It Hurts When I Stop Talking Sometime in Fall of 1998, when a visit from Dad was infrequent, and primarily at the mercy of his 88 Toyota making the 50 mile journey, I was being treated to lunch. The restaurant was my choice, I think. Sisley Italian Kitchen at the Town Center mall was somewhere my dad had not yet tried, so that was my pick. Either I was being treated to the luxury of lunch and adult conversation without my husband and 5 year old son in tow, or that's just how the moment has lodged in my memory. The more I think about it, they probably were there, but enjoying the Italian food too much to bother interrupting. Daddy and his lady friend at the time, Anne, came up together and made a day of it with me and the family. We were eating together and talking about some of my scripts, stories, coverages, poems and other creative attempts that really were not seeing the light of day. I think I'd just finished a group reading of The Artist's Way and was in a terribly frenetic mood over my writing. I think I'd just given them an entire rundown on a speculative Star Trek script. My Dad asked me point blank, “Why don’t you write it?? Anne agreed. It sure sounded like I wanted to write it. Why wasn't I writing seriously? It's what I'd set out to do when earning my college degree in Broadcasting many years earlier. Heck, I should, I agreed non-verbally. “I will.” But, I didn’t. Blogs can be wild, unpredictable storehouses of moments, tangents, creative dervishes, if you will. I'm getting a firmer handle on my creative cycle. My mental compost heap (which is a catch phrase from Natalie Goldman or Julia Cameron - I can't think which, right now) finally seems to be allowing a fairly regular seepage of by-products. That may be a gross analogy, but I give myself credit to categorize my work in raw terms. It proves that I'm not so much the procrastinating perfectionist that I once was. Still, I always seem to need prompts and motivation. Being a self-starter is the next step. My attempt to keep up in the Write in Every Genre Contest at the beginning of the year seemed like a perfect point to launch the blog. |
| Think I'll write an article titled, "Banishing OK...alright?!" I noticed at least twice today, co-workers asked the usual, "How're you doing today?" And I said, "I'm all right." But it was a mutter, a question as it came from my lips. ) It certainly could have been improved by at least being a rousing, "AH, ah, ah, ah...I'M AL-righ-T!" like a gyrating Caddyshack gopher dissing Mr. Murray. But, in mind-numbing same-old, it was not enthusiastic. I want to change that. |
| I fall into things on the internet, like a crazy scavenger hunt where you aren't given a list; just return in an hour with the most interesting item and story. I know that, often, it immediately feels like wasted time unless I do something with the info I find -- email it on or share on Facebook. SCBWI was an association (at least in abbreviated form) that I'd never heard of, so I visited its site. On the registration page it has drop down menus for categories of children's literature publishing houses. I thought, "Ooh...." And whereas, I thought I was going to easily copy the lists, instead I decided to just note the link http://www.scbwi.org/Registration.aspx?Type=Member |
| Despite my years of study having recently come to an end, and facing graduation this weekend, I've been a bit ambivalent. In a way, wishing that time didn't feel so stretched now. "Get it over with already!" Like I can't face all the attention. I don't want to believe it's the usual worthiness issue -- it does easily feel that way, however. I feel kinda empty. There are plenty of things I can be accomplishing now that I am not scheduled to class. I don't quite feel like doing anything else, accomplishing anything else fully, until this rite of passage is complete. On the other hand, I don't want to feel down. Luckily a song came on the radio to speak to me. I love it when a song comes on the radio, and becoming mindful of all its lyrics, it is like coming out of a deep meditation: "And you may ask yourself What is that beautiful house? And you may ask yourself Where does that highway go? And you may ask yourself Am I right? ...am I wrong? And you may tell yourself My god!...what have I done?" [Once in a Lifetime -- Talking Heads] It also reminds me of the marketing for the Nicolas Cage film, The Family Man, which calls upon an even more frequently quoted line of this Talking Heads song. It may seem funny that I'd even mention Nick Cage, but then, he's a cousin of Julia Cameron (writer of The Artist's Way), so he's one of my muses by association. |
| In just another three weeks, my church community is holding a graduation ceremony for me and the two other students completing professional Religious Science practitioner coursework. Last night, our teacher, Rev. Karen, and her assistants, Monica and Linda surprised the three of us students with what I'll call a threshold ceremony. I have seen and read about similar activities, the most common of which is stepping over the broom in some marriage ceremonies. And this is all I mean by "threshold." A glittery deep purple scarf delineated our passage from book-mired students to active sharers in the practitioner experience. We were awed by the selection of music, both a piece by Michael Gott during her Wednesday service, and then The Secret Garden by The Secret Garden during our private ceremony. I know it was an unexpected gift all its own (and yet naturally rose up from the Law of Circulation) and the three of us, I know, were appreciative of both the personal words and the gifts bestowed. Poet Robert McDowell communicated in his newsletter recently, just this week, that the global shift in consciousness is being led by a great number of women. He wondered if we might take interest in bringing the men along too. (I'm kinda joking here, this is a sloppy paraphrase!) And my answer is Yes. I am very interested in leading more men to treat themselves and others as honestly as spiritual living (not necessarily church) can. This will be the biggest and best transformation; when we truly partner. "The world’s bold, new women must include men to make the world whole. Women must educate and train men to make peace with their own anima. Women must compel them to wake up, to dive down with Persephone into the pit and return as balanced agents of healing and clear-eyed purpose. That’s the integrated world we need, the next thing we must birth if we choose life." (5/4 robertmcdowell.net) |
| I will do my best to be up at 4am and join others globally in affirming the healing of Mother Earth. Since I only now looked up the ceremony details, I will be doing this solo, rather than gathering others. I will do it by candlelight, with seeds and lavender as offering, smoke purification and water cleansing and prayer. I am glad to have been given the details, but will honor it best I can. Tired right now, (as if my writing doesn't show that) So this entry is stopping here. |
| My uncle asked me once, if I could choose a new career -- any, regardless of whether I had experience in it -- what would I want it to be in? And I answered readily, Art conservation. I just have a romantic notion about it, certainly. Very much like my imagined cloistered monk illuminating manuscript pages over a lifetime. There's a desire for that application of beauty, or uncovering of beauty that a single person can accomplish through the careful work of his/her own hands. I also had an idea, not so long ago, of a business which would digitally conserve heirlooms in such a perfectly complete, 3-D form of imaging, that more people could feel comfortable donating or selling off long-held family heirloom items because the ability for future geenerations to see and appreciate the item would not be lost. And I have since come across the work of Cultural Heritage Imaging, a California non-profit, experimenting with all the potentially affordable ways to make cultural artifacts available to people all over the globe. I am impressed |
| Intriguing. I just get back into a conscious mode to write -- dilligently, and continuously -- and up pops one of the "quick blog entry" windows. I was not expecting it -- I think that I just "moused-over" that space on the screen. And here it is, and I could "X" it closed, but instead I write. Good for me. I think that I should have my husband program one of these things to pop-up where ever in every program I have on the computer. Maybe even as a "toll" to use the program. Haha. Have to balance your checkbook, eh? Well, first we have a little writing exercise...shall we? I'm already giggling over the idea. I know myself however, like the ability to hit the snooze button, this would, or could be easily bypassed. But for now, I am very motivated. Do I have something to prove? Maybe. I'm digging deeper for a better reason to practice daily. But I do know that as a writer, I am much more active in the Springtime. It is one of my favorite seasons. It is also one of my favorite times to reconnect with people. This makes me wonder if I do have a more instinctual (animal nature) that comes forward in the Spring. I don't know if this makes any sense, but with Spring and Fall being my favorite seasons, and that correlates with the most active periods for...let's just say "woodland creatures," like rabbit or squirrel, could I have a kind of Animal Muse? And do I have less creative energy in the more extreme months (which is true in someplaces, not so much in California, where I've lived all my life; so, that's kinda a joke) It is safer, and less survival-based simply being human during Summer and Winter, but subsequently I allow some of that supernatural quality that I can get going in my writing to be in hibernation, or something. And beyond the instinctual, I have the more human experience of using intuition. That is something I can always call upon in my writing. I am very interested right now in allowing my own acceptance and study of my use of intuition in the way that I connect with and communicate with people. Part of me would like to have someone else tell me what my intuitiveness is really about. But I am seeing that especially with a sensitive empathic intuition, like the one I know resides in me, but that I have squashed for a long time, there is only one teacher that will come tell me the answers. -- That is Me. |
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| There's an environmental consulting squad newly poised at the edge of every suburbia in the States. They're calling themselves Green Irene(s). I was intrigued when I happened across the business model on the Internet. Happened to be the same day my company's parent filed for financial restructuring on a massive scale, you should know. Under those circumstances, the infomercials on TV for sending some stranger all my scrap gold in an envelope probably sounded frickin' fantastic. Except that's me, naive on a lot of counts, just not stupid. Since I prefer that my focus, if I'm to become self-employed, be on the spiritual path, I thought that I could possibly do both and have calling cards that said, Serene and Green. That, or it might make a neat title for a fictional '80s television drama (ala Hart to Hart) or '90s television comedy (ala Dharma and Greg)! |
| Have to note this thought down, because otherwise the insight just gets forgotten. Taking the morning shower, and I know the youngest is up but being quiet and secretly working on her brother's Christmas gift. They're both at ages when I wonder how much of what I allow to come out of my mouth filters through. And, more importantly, how much of it I really want to be taken seriously. Maybe because I'm in my own hygenic ritual, my thoughts are drifting to whether the reluctant nine-year old herself needs a shower. That's when I already hear the lecture playing out in my head, and the first point I use in this not-verbalized, yet likely scenario is the reference to when I was young.... "You don't want to have one of your own (stuck in a club together, so not sitting together in a backseat by choice) "friends" quiz you about the number of times you shower in a week -- and have your answer confirm what they already know by smell." Then the quiet, ever so wise revelation "speaks." Why does training the kids have to be based on your history...our anyone's history? It's true...I know better. "Our history is not limited by precedent." The Divine Truth isn't usually what or HOW we remember to teach is it? I feel foolish most of the times I dictate punishment for one of my kids' actions -- There's a better way, child Okay, yeah, but who's teaching it, or even modeling it? I love TV, but I know it's rarely something to emulate (especially family dynamics!) The best lessons that I do teach my kids are from what I model -- but I can't always explain beyond the doing. Have to think about this more.... |
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