*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/1starsong/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/11
Review Requests: OFF
6,910 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 7 8 9 10 -11- 12 13 14 15 16 ... Next
251
251
Review of Ding Dong Bell  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Delight* Happy New year XIEA!
I am celebrating you with a review for "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party!
*Glass**Tiara*


*Smile*I could not resist this title as it has a familiar ring to it *Laugh* and your tag line was fun! Having the poem in the Nonsense and Poetry genres is a good choice. You could add Emotional as I could feel the fire behind the words! *Thumbsup*

*Cookie* You mention it has no format so it could be classed a free style expression and sometimes the mind needs to let it all out and... a poem appears. Great way to clear the head. *Laugh*

*Cool* The first line is a great hook, suggesting a nursery rhyme and then with line too, we see it will be a tirade of heart-felt thoughts. I can relate to the angry voice of the poet as realization of comparison and judgements hits him. I love the authentic voice sharing its point of view on school and performance. It is tough to feel compared to a sibling or other, seemingly, smarter kid!

*Tophat*The questions are heart felt and realistic. The plea of "can it be for me?" is such a relevant and universal desire! We have all felt the sting of comparison and feeling unheard, especially by well meaning parents. *Wink* This piece really shows inner frustration especially with the potent rationale: "he can't do well in something he hates"!. Wow! *Thumbsup*

*Doorb*The last verse involves the reader and the voice seems to come to terms with having aired the grievances and hopes for understanding and yet, will allow judgement too. It feels like the judgement of audience is not as bad as what the poet has gone through earlier. Cool! Like go ahead but I am out of here! *Smirk*

*Quill*A few punctuation glitches for me. I think a period after the second line would give us stronger pause. I might drop the question mark after "alive" in verse 2. A period after "well" in the last verse and I think you do not need the word "then" before "God bless".

*Star* Your flow of consciousness poem had a potent vibration and clear message. I like the bit of rhyme in the last line as it sped up the pace as if you were running on! *Smile* Good job!
Thanks for sharing so authentically! *Starstruck* Keep on writing your way to freedom and share you creativity on into the new year.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
252
252
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Delight* Happy New year Norman!
I am celebrating you with a review for "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party!
*Glass**Tiara*


*Laugh* Oh Wow! I was totally entertained by your humourous Christmas poem. You make your annoyance really clear by citing stressful things like the repetitive carols and yep those ads are sooooo boring! LOL I can relate to trying to buy a gift for a loved one, whom you suggest may be fussy and thinks you are "cold" because of your attitude. It would hurt to be called Scrooge. She must be stressed too. *Wink* *Smile* I never knew what to get my mom, not that she really wanted anything. I just like to please her and she did have certain tastes. LOL

*Rolling*I burst out laughing at the snowboots and "take a hike"! And that her doing that would be your gift. Brilliant and a twist!

*Music2* I enjoyed reading the poem with its unique structure. The verses are balanced with lines of the same syllable count with the short middle line. This was effective for drama and added to the emotional expression. I noticed the lines have the same syllable count Rhyme scheme assisted the flow and coherence and made it fun to read. Minimal punctuation was used well and the quotation marks clarified the wife's words from the poet.

*Quill* The only word that stuck out of place for me was the repeating of "this" in verse in verse two. I wanted to read "It's getting really old" as saying "this" twice in a row seemed awkward. *Wink*

*Smirk* I am reminded of The Grinch's tone and the voice here was strong and consistent. I could almost hear it!

*Smile* I liked connections you make as you repeat: "it's old" with "I'm..Old" in the following verse and tieing in "cold" in the next verse too. Cool trick!

*Bigsmile* The last line rocked and completed the Christmas whining perfectly! "Good will to me!"

*Starstruck* Your expression was so well conceived and comical. It was easy to enter right into the poet's mind and feeling as he works out his woes at this time of year. It was evocative and kept me reading to find out more. It is like your own Christmas song! *Laugh*

Thanks for sharing your gift and vision. I had fun! Keep on writing as the unique star you are on into the New Year! *Quill**Wand**Star*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
253
253
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Delight* Happy New year Fyn-elf!
I am celebrating you with a review for "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party!*Glass**Tiara*


*Shock*Oh Wow! This is a sad poetic tale to show the worse kind of uncaring! It certainly inspires a vivid topic to write about. It reminded me a bit of my grandfather, well loved and died in his sleep so was not found til a day later when my cousin checked in. *Sad* He was at peace.

*Smile*Your title rolls of the tongue eloquently as Italian names tend to do as well. *Smile* I was hooked by that and the tag line so I kept on reading to the sad conclusion. It is something to ponder that there are people who really do not take time for others, especially the elderly, who can be a handful. I was prompted to consider that the others who do not care now could wind up like this man later!

*Fairy2*Your words flowed pleasingly as I read aloud with a quick pace and effective rhythm. I did not notice a set beat yet I was not thrown out by any glitches. The short free flow was effective and suited the theme and gave a dramatic tone to the piece. I liked the way you used rhyme, assonance and consonance for effect. Punctuation assisted the read as well.

*Tophat*The rhyming couplets at the start and end really work and create a summary of the whole message if read on their own. Brilliant! *Salute* The piece is well written to evoke emotional response. *Sad*

*Snow2* The images that portray Vincenzo's life are vivid so I could visualize how he sat there. I would have thought someone would have wondered about seeing him and why the lights stayed on etc. You paint a clear picture of how he was and also show your viewpoint about the outcome. I felt sorry for him. I used to visit older people and can't imagine not helping out.

*Tree*It was genius to use the tree in the forest notion and it certainly fits. Super! I know it is a bit of an off rhyme but "forward" and "ignored" work well. *Wink* Should there be a punctuation after "forward"? *Think*

*Delight*I really enjoyed entering your sad and touching vision with its free style and clear voice. It gives something to ponder. *Star* Thanks for sharing your poetic gift.

Write on and all the best in the coming year! *Wand*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
254
254
Review of 53 Word Story  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Delight* Happy New year and Welcome to WDC Melisscious!
I am celebrating you with a review for "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party!
*Glass**Tiara*


*Salute* Wow! Good for you for creating a story in only 53 words and jumping into a contest.
I wondered about putting the fact that it is 53 word story in your tag line and giving a topical title to the piece. *Wink*

*Smile*As I read your dramatic scene I could see the picture of this storm wind in the tall trees and the rain pelting. I liked the comparison of the trees to towers and the active vivid verbs like "pummelled" and "swayed". Your simile is effective too. It must have been a strong wind for trees to sway like grass. It creates an image in my head.

*Umbrellar* It is interesting to give the wind a purpose for blowing the trees. Nice bit of personification. I an not sure you really need "relentlessly" as the verb is strong and then you give the added description of "trying to push". *Think*

One idea you might consider is not using too many adverbs with "ly". I heard that they are not really vivid descriptors and may not give much meaning to the story line. I see in this short piece you use 4, 3 of them close together. *Wink* How could you describe the fall with more vivid words? Something to think about in future writing.

*Fairy*I entered into the story and was waiting to see what would happen when you ask us a question. It was a surprise to see that well known query and your response makes sense. LOL I wonder if your last phrase..again with no true sentence structure...answers what sound it makes when it hits? It seems to be describing how it hits the ground so maybe a comma after "ground" would tie them together. Yet, I do see it could be a style to add pause. Nice twist of story line.
I would have liked a better image in my mind here. *Wink*

*Star*I enjoyed entering into your vision and felt bad for the trees even if Mother nature does have her way! I love trees! Thanks for sharing your unique expression.

Keep ow writing with flare! *Fire*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
255
255
Review of Friday, Fall  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Confettib* Happy New Year Tinker! *Fairy2* I was flitting around looking for fairy kin and lookee who I found! *Delight*

*Fairy2* I love the charming idea of a fairy riding the wind and being punctual! How original an image..so appealing to me. I could see her swirling with colours! Vivid descriptions of the "crayon blends". I am she loves being the emissary as you say in your last line. *Bigsmile*

*Fairy*I enjoyed reading your fall weaving aloud for its whimsy and lovely soundscape: bits of alliteration, rhyme, and assonance were really effective. The images you chose are in tune with seasonal elements and signs.

*Fairy3* I have not written a Septilla, though have heard of them. LOL Your example follows the format. The rhyme scheme rocks. The words rhyming with fairy are interesting! *Star*

*Confettir* Thanks for sharing your gift and elegant vision of this fairy! All the best in the new year and thanks for all of your contributions to WDC , especially to the poets! *Salute*

256
256
Review of Poor Muppett  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Confettir* Happy New Year Greg M and welcome to WDC! I am happy to review to celebrate you! *Delight*

Oh wow! This is a moving flash story and what a sad twist at the end! *Sad* Good lead up to the surprise. *Thumbsup*

I liked how you begin with a quick bit of dialogue to rouse my curiosity followed by a comfy description of the setting where the two are meeting. Changing to italics for the speaker of the tale was helpful too. The tears were another clue and made me want to read on!

The description of the event was detailed and was coherent to follow. I like how she went back into the house..as it seemed like a natural thing to do. Getting prepared for a second look showed her practical nature too. I thought she was a bit brave. *Smile* I can't imagine that big a lizard! Wow. Of course, we do not have them here... raccoons and porcupines more like!

I would skim for tenses: should "I dread to tell Sam".. be dreaded?
Also redundant words like "rather" in "rather inquisitive" do not add much to the story. *Wink*

I am glad I did not take in the title totally first as it would have given it away...it does give the essence of the tale. I am not sure what else you could title it as less of a clue. LOL
It is a wonderful read and kept me engaged. I appreciate how tricky it is to write short flash stories and keep the intrigue going. *Salute*

Thanks for sharing your vision and jumping into WDC with your gift.*Starstruck*

257
257
Review of Connections  
for entry "Week 2: Rictameter
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI Fin! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

*Fairy2* Flitting around in my tenth year here to find other December babies! *Delight*I found your folder and had to peek in. I always enjoy reading your poems. I chose this one as it is a form I have not yet tried on! *Smile*

The essence of water is effectively portrayed in your vivid composition. I found the way you weave your words and chose them appeals to the senses. I can imagine water and feel and hear it as I read the soundscape aloud. Good choice of assonance and consonance!

The chosen synonym or comparisons to water element are wonderful. I especially like "shape shifter" and "mist dreamer" and "immersive". You make water fanciful as well as real. It is magical. *Fairy* You have a gift with words.

You have followed the form elements as noted in the rules you included. I counted syllables. LOL I so enjoyed the flow of the language in the cascade of lines. It was easy to enter into your vision.

Thanks for sharing your gift and making WDC shine all the brighter. Happy New year wishes! *Wand*

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
258
258
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI A.K Tourgan-Neiman! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

The title made me curious to see what you would advise to save the world as it is a topic much discussed. I am not sure we are called to save it, as much as to change our own thoughts and drop judgements that may send a higher vibe to the world. *Think* The old pattern of religion was based on a lot of judgement for sure.

Your viewpoint about the danger of religion is clear and I wondered about adding more detail or examples to add content. I like the reference to the Aquarian age as indeed the vibe of being individuals and accepting each one's ideas to build a community spirit is appealing. Again you might add some information about this idea for people who may not understand your reference.

The vibe of the tone is strong and your writing is to the point in abrupt type phrases. I am wondering if examples of how you see religion causing these "circumstances" would help us see more specifically what you mean. It would add weight to your opinion.
The ending line really shows a hopelessness and makes one ponder...perhaps even presents a challenge. *Thumbsup*

I believe 2020 will see many changes in our beliefs and systems as the old is passing away to a new unknown future. Chaos is natural in a changing of the times. *Smile*

Thanks for sharing your vision and interesting point of view. *Delight* All the best in the new year.

Enightenment on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
** Image ID #2205982 Unavailable **

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
259
259
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*Candy1* Happy day and all the best in the New Year, bubblegumjones! *Cake* I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Delight* I could not resist this yummy themed piece...after all who does not like dessert? and it is a party day..yours and the New Year's eve. *Rolling*

The idea is so unique and must have taken some time to research all the desserts of 51 states! *Shock* I wondered what on earth inspired you to create this and had to laugh when you said it was the "unofficial" list. You might add that to your intro paragraph. Also did you have some sources or favourite links? It was surprising that apple pie was not among the favourites! *Think*

In "every states official state..." I think "state's" would be better. *Wink*

Wow! This was quite fascinating to read as you add some historical data and thanks for saying what the desserts are as some names might not truly give the essence. I was surprised that JELLO is a fav! *Shock* AND pot Candy? *Shock2* LOL Me. .. I like anything chocolate so I am glad to see some desserts have that. *Delight*

This was fun and informative to read! Thanks for sharing your interest and vision. Now I want something sweet. Hot chocolate is the best I can do... maybe pancakes and real maple syrup later. *Wink* Happy day!

Thanks for all your contributions to WDC and may your next year be even more fulfilling, fun and creative! *Starstruck*

260
260
Review of Muse Got Lost  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*Hiya Rhoswen! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

I was attracted by the title as the idea is relevant. Who has not felt like the muse has gone off? *Laugh* I enjoy acrostics as well so it was a lovely surprise to see the form. It was interesting to see the theme of the title encased in the the acrostic poem and yet with the Key word Inspiration as its base...the opposite effect of a lost muse. Cool! *Cool*

As I read your poem I felt the author's keen sense of desolation and hopelessness without the muse's inspiration. Short phrases using personal "I" and the effects of the empty mind makes it a vivid lament.*Thumbsup*

Punctuation served the drama of the piece...with its abrupt lines and it had a coherent logic. Repetition of phrases like "I can't" and some use of rhyme added to the overall meaning and tone. I could imagine the voice in my head...wishing and frustrated. The enjambment in the second last line is effective and I felt as if the author was even searching for the description of the "something",,,finally settling for "New". I get that by herself, so much is mundane. *Wink*

Thanks for sharing this vivid evocation. I had fun commiserating. Let's hope the next year bringing more Inspiration. Muses like new beginnings. *Fairy2**Delight*

Happy Anniversary and Happy New Year! *Balloonp*

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
signature for winter magic

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
261
261
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*Snowman*Hi Dave! Happy 14th Anniversary fellow December baby!*Snow5* Sliding in with a review to celebrate you!

Oh my gosh! This parody is priceless and so fits the prompt. Not something one would ever wish on innocent old Frosty! *Thumbsup* What an imagination...from the dark side! *Laugh*

I laughed at the first verse where you name crooks and tried to sing the Rudolph song with it. It was tricky. The rest of the verses just fell right into place tunewise with pleasant flow and rhyme!

The second verse had a strong image and really captured the nastiness of the character in the last line. Ouch!

I liked the next verse...as it suggested the inclusion of those little snowmen in the picture who are running away. LOL We get the idea that he is worse than all the rest of the mobsters if they call him. Nice contrast again to Rudolph being special in a good way. *Thumbsup*

I found the two lines of verse 4 a bit tricky to get to flow with the original tune...maybe drop the "so" , *Think* and the last line is a beat short. I think the original song had, "he went down in.." *Wink* Still, it did not take away from the fun of singing and the entertainment of the piece.

This was well composed and conceived for the contest theme and prompt. Wow! Thanks for sharing your gift. *Star*

eyestar
signature for winter magic
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
262
262
Review of A Bunny's Tale  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Snow4* Happy December Ken! I am back as I was cruising and this popped up! Just the opposite of your winter poem I just read. LOL *Smile*

I had to review as I burst out laughing at the last line. Leave it to you to use that old cliche line! *Rolling* Making the rabbit sad about is cute too. I can believe it.

Your quatrains fun to read for flow and rhyme. I did not notice a set pattern of syllable count but was not thrown out of the read. The first verse presents a vivid setting making effective use of some of the prompt words. The dialogue between the bunny, chick and butterfly added to the charm of the poem and was woven into the verse effectively. The innocence of the chick is brilliantly shown in its queries especially the confusion about the eggs. Good job.*Smile*

The idea of the rabbit being in the basket is surprising too. *Laugh* I enjoyed the way you revealed the rabbit bit by bit. I had fun entering the tale and having a bit of warmth on this cool day.

Thanks for sharing your talent and humour. *Star*

signature for winter magic
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*

263
263
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Snow4**Balloonp* Happy December Anniversary Ken! *Star*


*Snowman* I was drawn by the evocative and magical title. Your personification of Winter as painting the scene is appealing. I enjoy the villanelle form too! *Smile*

Your choice of repeating lines was effective one and the flow of the piece was lovely. The rhyme scheme rocked and your choice of cool words like "citrine", "sheen" and "brocade" were well chosen and aided in creating a vivid picture. Your use of assonance, consonance and a bit of alliteration created a pleasing soundscape. *Thumbsup*

The enjambment of line 1, verse 2 is effective. It was a surprise to see wolves! *Smile* "trace of jade" and "cold brocade" are brilliant images. *Star* I liked the contrast of fall and winter in your reverie.

This villanelle is without flaw that I could see as I read it several times. It was fun to read and drew me into your vision. Your descriptions are detailed and I could feel the magic of winter and the longing for summer to. The concept that summer is a memory under the winter paint is magical.

Thanks for sharing your talent and vision. *Star* Keep writing on into the next decade. All the best wishes. *Wand*


eyestar
signature for emails
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*
264
264
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Santahat* Happy Happy Christmas Eve Carly! I am happy to review your creation for 'I Write in 2019!" Keep on going! You can make it to 52!

*Music1* I love songs and so your parody of "We Wish you a Merry Christmas" is so appealing! I could sing along though I kept tripping over the word "you" after "bring" in the chorus. Or the word "that". It seems to break the flow with one too many syllables. You could just drop one of the words. *Wink* The second verse was not as flowy to sing as the first one and yet the details were stellar for the theme.

*Bell*I had to look up the word Hogmanay! Interesting tradition. Cool. Maybe add a little note about it in a drop note. I like how you incorporated some of the Scottish New Year's traditions, especially "Auld Lang Syne"! *Thumbsup*

*Xmastree*I had fun singing this cheery song on this Christmas Eve day and learned something! Thanks for your vision and may you have lots of luck and best wishes in the next decade! *Wand* Keep writing.

265
265
Review of Pretty Ugly Words  
for entry "Christmas Glee--Lai
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Star* Happy Holidays Sugar cube! Way to go. you are almost done 52 weeks of fun! *Delight* I am happy to review your cool piece in the 'I Write in 2019" forum.

*Star*wow! I am impressed with the composition. I am not familiar with this form so thanks for the notes. I imagine it took some effort to get this to flow coherently in message and rhyme format. It was fun to read and had a happy warm feeling to it that is suggestive of the season.

*Star*The images of the Christmas activities were vivid and told in a lively tone. I love the word "glee". *Smile* You did a fabulous job with the rhyme scheme especially coming up with words that have to have the same endings. Whew! I liked "lends, descends" and "plea, glee, spree" as they fit the theme and help build the picture. Brilliant!

"he' rhymes though it is a bit ungrammatical. LOL

*Star*The poem creates a clear vision of the season and its reality...eg. the line about shopping not being free. LOL Yet that does not even ruin the high spirits!
Thanks for sharing your gift and creating this challenging form. *Heart* Best wishes for the season and next decade. *Wand*

redone anniversary version without number!
266
266
Review of The Coroner  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Snow2* Happy December Drmikedo!*Delight*

*Snow4* Wow! This is a dramatic and vivid story! The scene is well described and the characters were clearly shown. I could imagine the man very well and his thinking, attitude and mission were indicated in the way you have him act and speak. I like how you italicize his inner thinking too.

*Snow3* The crime fight was detailed and violent. You created believable thugs and a situation that could occur. The dialogue was effective and showed the emotional tones and voice of different characters.It was clear who was speaking. *Thumbsup*

*Snow2* I like how you slowly show how invincible the man is and that we find out just as the characters do...it is a good twist.

*Snow4* It is interesting how he makes sure the corpses will be identified and he acts as if it is just his work and is justified. It shows that he has a system.

*Snow5* I think the phrase "now, finally, sweet relief had quietly arrived" could be left out as you already let us know "relief" rain had come in the line before.*Wink*

*Snowboard* I liked the build up to the line "it fell on the man" even though, at first I was wondering why we had to know that it fell on all those places. It would seem apparent it would. Also, you let us know about the town and its environs this way. *Smile*

*Snowman*The story seemed to flow in a coherent way and I would suggest not having so much space between the paragraphs {one line space is good} and perhaps use a bigger font just for ease of reading on line. *Wink*

*Smile* I am not a story writer, so I hope other can give you more advice. I was drawn into the story and it engaged my attention and I was interested in your main character. It makes for a great beginning and lots of questions about his background could be answered in future chapters. Good job!

*Star*Thanks for sharing your craft and vision at WDC. Write on.

267
267
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Cat**Santahat* Hiya Itchybarn! Happy December. *Snow3*

*Cat*I could not resist reading a story about cats! I rarely put up a Christmas tree when my cat was a kitten as all ornaments, tinsel and tree climbing were part of his destructive fun! *Laugh*

*Snow2*Your tale of kittens was engaging and your personification of each one is vivid and realistic. I like how you mixed in description with the dialogue. I could imagine each personality. *Thumbsup* eg. the forgetful one, the perfect one, the secretive one and of course , the trouble making narrator.

*Snowman*Your use of dialogue was well done providing detail, storytelling and lively energy. What fun! Punctuation assisted the read and paragraphing made sense. You could use spacing between each paragraph but that is only so it is easier to read on line. It did not take away from the read. *Wink*

*Snow4*I like how you begin with the old Christmas story being read to the kids and telling the story for the cat's point of view was effective. You kept true to the voice to the end. *Star*

*Treepine*I loved this story as it was entertaining and I had to read right to the end. I liked the characters and how you made Santa all knowing. IT was brilliant to end with a reference to the "snow" in the first line. It seemed like the cat, who thinks he is a bit better than humans, was trying to understand humans and they might have sense after all. He felt like a real cat to me!! *Laugh*

*Starstruck*Thanks for sharing your cheery Christmas vision! Well done. *Cat*

eyestar
Click here to join a fun reviewing group!
268
268
Review of Advent  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Snow5* Happy December again ridinghood! I am happy to review this piece from 'I Write in 2019." It is a timely prompt from the Cramp *Smile* and is relevant for our winter storm day! LOL

*Snowman*Wow! You have really fulfilled the prompt with song titles for December in a wonderful free style poem. I enjoyed the vivid images reflecting times and events of the season especially the "cosmic ache" and the "ancient tale" references. *Thumbsup*

*Treepine*The tone feels reflective with images that suggest a pulling inward and storytelling around a fire. I like the philosophical vibe that reminds me too of Sagittarius. Ending with a hopeful wish for the world is so inspirational and again reflects the love and peace of yule and Christmas.

*Starstruck* I appreciate the effort of trying to get the titles into a coherent flow and message. I entered into the vision with ease. The tone and longing of the voice was awesome.
Thanks for sharing your unique expressions.

269
269
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Star* Yay ruwth! You did it. 52 weeks worth of writing! *Salute* I am thrilled to review your last piece!

*Snow4* Wow! I really enjoyed reading your story and it felt so real. It was a touching tale and you captured the girl's reaction in the quiet moment of reality so well. The short backstory had good detail that helped me get a picture of this character and I had to assume she had a good reason to run away, though it is not stated. I am glad she had a boy friend, at least.

*Snow5*The repeating of the word "no" in the three line phrase before the end was really effective to make the point of what was lacking and the story fit the prompt of NO Thanksgiving vividly.

*Snow2*I wonder if the fact that the friends were associated with her boyfriend could have been added earlier as in the beginning you say "my friends". The 6th paragraph might fit more coherently further from the end..to tighten up the flow.

*Star* The third and last lines provide a neat connection. It was rather sad. I did wonder why the girl did not go with the boy friend...unless they did not want them to know she ran away. This could be a longer story and yet I know it was for the prompt! lol I am just curious.

*Snowboard* Thanks for sharing your vivid little tale that really showed the theme with potency.
Congrats on completing the year!*Starstruck*

270
270
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "November 25, 2019
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Snow4* Happy December ridinghood! *Smile* I am happy to review your piece in 'I Write in 2019!" It has been fun reading your entries for the year. I always enjoy your tarot quotes as well.

*Snowman* Your idea for the word 'Imagine" is original and evocative. I enjoyed the movement the weave brought to my mind like a dance. The use of alliteration was effective and the placement of gerunds added to a flow in the read aloud. Nice pattern. I liked the three word lines that contrasted as well. Wonderful free style composition.

I wondered why you did not use spaces after commas.

*Snow2* I felt a celebratory vibration at the end. The poem is so appealing as it drew me to ponder: an earth dance, the fall and rise. Reflects the evolutionary shifts we are going through right now. It is what I see anyhow! *Wink*

*Star*Thanks for sharing your unique expression. Write on in the dream!

271
271
Review of Greeting the Ex-  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Snow4* Happy days in honour of St. Nicholas, Schnujo! *Santahat* I am here with an early gift in your *Stockingb* or wooden shoe! *Laugh*

Wow! This short flash piece has an intense vibe and you drew me in with the short vivid image in the first line. You set up that some conflict had occurred and I was curious. Your descriptions are clear and it was easy to follow the story. I take it the "he" is the perpetrator but unclear if his name is Fritzie. I took from the line that it is a cat and it is an interesting addition to the story. Having his name in the line confused me a minute as I thought it was the name of the ex at first. Perhaps changing the order of the information so it begins with "he" and then refers to the cat's actions... yet.. it is a lovely misdirect to have me think the cat is at the window. He mirrors what the speaker feels. Awesome.

I wonder if "me peas" should be "my peas" though it might be an accent.
I wondered at the notion of "running toward gravity"? *Think*

You really kept up the intensity and pulled me along into the scene. It was a shocking surprise at the end and the notion of "greet" is effective. The title works really well.*Thumbsup*

Whew! You leave me hanging to know what happened but I can imagine... I just hope he turned around and went away. *Smile*

*Star*Thanks for sharing your dark vision so brilliantly! I felt bad for her and you showed her desperation in a dramatic way.

Thanks for all you do and be to make WDC shine brighter. *Starstruck*

eyestar
signature for emails
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
272
272
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Snowman*Hiya tinker! I found this poem at the 'I Write in 2019' forum and as I was unfamiliar with the form, here I am to check it out. *Delight*

*Snow1* The Dekaaz really does feel like haiku in its simplicity and turning point. I enjoyed your vivid images that were more powerful when read aloud. I like how, in the last two examples, you speak to the person involved. I liked the irreverence in the last one: the idea of his "noise" is funny. The comparison of "sunrise" with new projects and the action of bursting is brilliant and well conceived. The last line of the first poem was evocative and really fit haiku essence as the cut line in haiku usually has a strong effect so the word "loud" mirrors that. The idea of truth is relevant too.

*Snow2* The format is well composed according to your author notes and I enjoyed the syllabication in odd numbers. The last lines are effective responses to the first two and feel haikuish in their breaks. Your use of consonance and alliteration added to the delightful read and flow. Well done.

*Star*These poems were fun to read and inspire me to give the form a try as soon as I get time. LOL
Thanks for sharing and encouraging the knowledge of new forms.

eyestar
signature for emails
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
273
273
Review of Pretty Ugly Words  
for entry "Cold Nights--Aquarian
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Delight* Hi Sugar Cube! I am happy to review your item I found at "I Write in 2019!"

I enjoyed entering into the vivid imagery of your poem as winter has come here and the cold struck a chord. LOL Contrasting the cold night with the warmth is brilliant and drew me into the experience.

The Aquarian form is well composed according to your author notes. The first line intrigued me with its personification of night in blankets...or is it the person wrapped up on the cold night. I like that both ideas popped out! *Salute*

The flow was appealing with the addition of the alliteration. I did wonder about putting a comma after "blankets" as the abrupt pause here threw me off a bit. *Wink*

Thanks for sharing your creation, which made me want to wrap up and get some hot cocoa tonight. Write on! *Star*

eyestar
for WDC Superpower  Reviewers group
274
274
Review of COLD  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Delight* Hi Monty! Thank you so much for your kind response to my last poetry newsletter! I keep trying. LOL I found this is the Sr. Center Forum and the title spoke to me as we just had our first dose of SNOW!*Facepalm*

I enjoy limericks and I had to laugh at the reality of this one! I feel like this some days when it is freezing..even inside. LOL It was fun to read your flowing lines and I appreciated the lack of grammar in "don't snow" as it gave the voice a personality! *Thumbsup* The repeating word "don't" is effective for this too.

The poem is well constructed with apt rhyme scheme and lines. I see you followed the 9-9-6-6-9 syllable pattern though by my count the last line is one syllable short.*Confused* I wondered about adding a comma after "so cold" in the third line as a pause. I kinda tripped up there when I read it first time around. *Wink*

I noticed you write in first person and wondered if the "YOU' in the last line could be "I" as he seems to be speaking about himself. The word "you" works and I was not thrown off by it. Just a consideration as I entered more into the edit possibilities. *Wink*

Thanks for sharing this cool opinion of the cold that seeps into bones! I could enter into the vision for sure. *Star*

eyestar
A  birthday gift


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
275
275
Review of Pretty Ugly Words  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Pumpkin**Delight* Hiya Sugar Cube! I saw this fun poem at "I Write in 2019" Forum! What fun! I recall writing my first "little willy" this year and was surprised how little mean thoughts could pop out! *Laugh*

*Jackolantern*The topic of Hallowe'een really suits the choice of form! Your example is effective and fun to read. *Smile* The contrast of the happy little kid on Hallowe'en and the icky treat at the end is well conceived. I feel there is a bit of a lesson about not going to an old hag's place! *Laugh* The last line was indeed a surprise with a touch of cruelty, as part of the form. Brilliant application.

*Jackolantern* The poem had a pleasing rhythm and the rhyme was right on! A complete scene in four lines you brought to life and I could imagine it. My favourite lines for the flow and pace were lines 4 and 5. I had to say EWWW at the end. Well done!

*Star*Thanks for sharing your creepy vision in this well conceived Little Willy! Poor guy. *Wink*

eyestar
for WDC Superpower  Reviewers group
2,754 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 111 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/1starsong/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/11