Acme's (acme) Reviews

Create New Item

Read & Review

Community

Browse By Type

Browse By Genre

Writing Resources

Tue, Jan 27, 2026

11:54pm EST

Members: 674

Guests: 7,633

Total Online: 8,307

SPONSORED ITEMS

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!

Writing.Com General Discussion

A message forum for general discussion. Please come and chat with others!

Example Quiz: Writing.Com History Trivia

An example quiz about Writing.Com that uses Correct Scoring.

The Writer's Cramp 24th Birthday

Write the best story or poem in 24 hours or less and win 24K GPS!

BY ONLINE AUTHORS

Dark to Light

Short poem, Changing mindset

Jots and Tittles and other Random Things

Just things that I think about now and then.

Bee Thankful

Design for a commissioned Merit Badge

One

6 line poem - Seisquain

READ A NEWBIE

You held on even when i let go

This tell how 2 ladies go on an adventure and 1 died

The Fireplace

This tells about a family that gather by the fireplace

Precious Memories

This tells how someone gave you something that you treasure

Love like the rain

Drowns your burns in a soothing embrace, calming down the fire prickling under my skin

BY ONLINE AUTHORS

Twisted Tales Contest

A monthly contest for stories with a twist. Get 500 GPs for entering! Jan round open!

Bee Thankful

Design for a commissioned Merit Badge

Before The Clouds Broke Open

An assassin confronts a curse.

Destiny’s Child

Join Hope to discover the story of the past and save the future of Star City.

Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/acme

Acme

Review Requests: OFF

2,953 Public Reviews Given

3,697 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Honest. I give my overall impressions, let you know what worked well for me and what didn't, and when that happens, I like to try and offer suggestions--totally up to you if you want to take any notice; it is your writing, after all. I am just glad to have the opportunity to read and review. I rarely think anything is perfect, so please do not request a review if you value ratings over review content.

I'm good at...

...being interested. I take time over reviews. My reviews are intimate, informal and honest. They aim to help, offer insight, and celebrate the graft of craft. I love commas. Punctuation is a personal passion.

Favorite Genres

Comedy, supernatural horror, sci-if, fantasy, thriller, detective, slice-of-life, history.

Least Favorite Genres

Dystopian glumness, romance, personal.

Favorite Item Types

Scripts. Fiction. Essays, especially academic

Least Favorite Item Types

Free form poetry. Other than that, little offends.

I will not review...

Unless previously agreed, novels and chapters are a no go with me. I am sorry to say that I haven't the time.

Public Reviews

< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... >

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4549061

Review of Author

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.0)

So you're a horror writer, too, eh? I can't think of anything more horrible than a blank page staring back at me, that's for sure...

Thank you for the opportunity to visit your port again. I do like this poem because you have captured that desperation of writer's block so well. Giving the paper anthropomorphic qualities was a nice tool to use in compounding that horror:

The paper stares back, still blank.

One of the things I am beginning to appreciate about your poetry is its raw nature: part of its power comes from the energy and pace you put into it when drafting. I would hate for you to ever lose that. Reworking drafts and editing can sometimes 'over prune' a poem but it is always worth coming back to a passionately paced work with fresh eyes the next day to tidy up typos. Of course, the danger in proofing for typos is that you don't see them as you get swept away by that passionate pace again! One tip I can share is to read the poem backwards, line-by-line, when proofing for typos--they seem to stand out clearer for me. Here are some I spotted, but do look for others:

far to long

I know? what I know

How do I put on paper what is in my head.

Thank you again for the chance to visit you, and thank you, too, for sharing your work. Write On!

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4549059

Review of The Visit

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi JustMe

Thank you for visiting my port and taking time to review. I thought I would come have a look see at you

As a new visitor to your port, this poem seemed a great way to start. I am glad I dived into your poetry. Typically, if I ever dare go near the stuff (reading or badly writing) I need form. Free verse, with no rules scares me... because I don't know the rules. This poem, however, is what I do enjoy about free verse--you give yourself the freedom to really crack open your poet's tool box and play around with the construction of the poem. This highlights your influence on your reader by way of pace and in turn the tone.

The poem begins with despair and wounded pain. The isolation of the voice is palpable from the outset with the coffee routine, contemplation of 'what's it all about...', memories of callous actions and the most haunting line: just nod and agree. That phrase chilled me because it was so accepting of the loss and futility and helped convey later the huge importance of the visitor.

Again, I think you have a real intuitive understanding of controlling pace in your writing (handy if you ever want to get into mystery/thriller/action writing). There is a definite shift from the quiet desperation of the start of the poem to the stuttering, spluttering relief and thankfulness of the 'rescue' by the visitor, and you echo the words you chose with the stop-start rhythm and rhyme pattern of what is a beautifully crafted stanza:

it was the beginning
of a plan
the reason I was grinning
the hope building that I can

I thought this a smashing poem of rescue and hope. To highlight this poem to more readers in the community, consider using all 3 of the genre fields available to you and which readers search by.

Thank you for the opportunity to visit.

Write on!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4313448

Review of Escape Artist

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What a delightful and inspiring story! Good use of the prompt, for sure, but oh so much more than that. You conveyed so much in so few words and each one gilded--not one wasted.

I had to read and re-read a number of times. I was trying, and failing, to keep myself from becoming fully submerged in your story world. I had hoped to offer some constructive critique. I am sorry, I can't offer any. I seldom give 5 stars, as I always assume that means 'perfect: ready for publication'. This is perfect: ready for publication. These were people on the page, not just characters, and their story was one of raising self-esteem and horizons, as well as positively impacting those around them. It wouldn't be the same story without the supporting cast of Sanjay and John.

I am a firm believer in the positive power of the creative arts and in education in general. I am lucky enough to have worked on literacy projects (via creative writing workshops) with ex-cons, those with addictions, with marginalised communities and with mental health patients, and whilst there are always challenges, the rewards for all involved are tangible.

Favourite part? The camaraderie at the end, of course, but more than that: I kept seeing you when I watched Jinga flit across my mind's eye

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

If you would like to reward this review
please donate any gift points to:

GROUP
RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group (E)
RAOK (Random Acts Of Kindness) helps members by Upgrading them.
#398524 by Writing.Com Support

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4313446

Review of The Test of Time

Review by Acme

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

Overall impressions and suggestions

There's a saying that every prisoner is innocent--it's not my saying, but your short story really captures the heart of that saying in your main character's struggle to come to terms with her situation and part in it. Anyone is capable of ending up in situations beyond their control, where they may not make the best decisions. A jail term is a pretty big version of the thousands of decisions we make in our lives that might have been better in hindsight. I really enjoyed this short story and you used the prompt well. I particularly thought your control of pace and tone throughout were very good. It was also an action-driven story, right from the off with Chantal facing the judge, never mind shenanigans in the showers. A little time on the editor's bench will turn this diamond in the rough into a polished gem

I have a few suggestions for you to consider. Please remember not to make any changes until the official end of the contest and after the winners have been announced

The first thing is in regard to authenticity. I hope you don't mind my questioning this, but do Canadian prisons use closed circuit cameras in shower areas? Our cameras were not working in the shower that day so we have nothing to go by. I had always assumed there to be observation mirrors and guards, rather than recorded material that could be potentially misused...maybe I am naive, but this truly disturbed me more than anything else, including the violent attack.

Maybe this is just something lost in translation, if you will, but I did think there were a few ares that jolted me out of your storyworld as I questioned the syntax/order in the way you presented sentences. Here is an example:
held the smell of faint sewage
held the faint smell of sewage

Spellcheckers won't pick up everything, so it pays to proofread with fresh eyes for things they might miss, like this compound word and a homophone:
The system was no where near understanding in her situation.
The system was nowhere near understanding in her situation.

don't meddle in anything your not asked to be involved in
don't meddle in anything you're not asked to be involved in

Proofread too for punctuation. Here is an example of a missing possessive apostrophe:
misused her rights to her parents accounts
misused her rights to her parents' accounts

Look for tense modifiers, as these often indicate where you can tighten your write by removing redundant words. Avoid shifts in tense, too, and stick to one, as fluctuations can rattle a reader. I suggest you stick to past tense. Here is an example:
She wasn't sure what her plan would be but she knew they wouldn't get away with what they have done
She wasn't sure what her plan would be but she knew they wouldn't get away with what they did

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4310523

Review of Persuasive dialogue ~ On smoking

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Ooh, this one hit a nerve. I've been a smoker for decades--more than half my life. What was really good about this dialogue, was that the content, tone and arguments are all ones I have had myself, with myself; whilst reading it it became an almost internal dialogue!

Just a couple things to mention:
Smoking is a drug culture, so change your rating to 13+

Some typos and phrases 'sounded' wrong:
Don’t you mind it cost a fortune? = costs

You cannot think only about yourself. = can't (contractions work well in informal dialogue)

That’s more than 40,000 dollar you put through your lungs. Are you crazy? = dollars

How many years are you smoking? = have you been smoking?

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4308547

Review of The Thinking Chair

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi ♥HOOves♥

,

I wanted to stop by sooner, but was a bit of a procrastinator, window shopping in your port (so much to see, and so little time--I shall have to come back)! I had to stop by this, though, when I saw the title. I whiled away many a confused childhood jail sentence on the Thinking Step (none of those progressive 'chairs' for the likes of me).

I adore wordplay. It is one of the best ways to cultivate confessional intimacy with a reader. The subtleties of comedy featured delightfully here: I had a temper, mind you, but I took that out on my big brother at home. How fabulous to smile at 'mind you' as an informal aside to the reader as well as 'mind you' as a warning of the temper referred to...marvellously mischievous writing makes for a rewarding read

We never forget out first taste of injustice. The fact that the cause of such injustice ended up serving justice is, again, delightful and playful...if a little ironic! Wonderful wordsmithying. A real treat to read.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4305818

Review of Katherine

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

Thank you for entering the History Contest, and welcome to WDC! The whole point of the brief description field in a static is to sell your wares, entice the reader in, and grab attention. You did just that. What a thing to wonder about! I was aching to read your entry from the minute you posted it, but am glad I restrained myself to my time-honored annoying habit of reading and reviewing in order of posting: it felt like waiting for Christmas morning to come; half the fun is anticipation.

First person POV works well; having the narrative come from Katherine herself is an intimate way to ponder what it must have been like to go through the heartache and politics of her position. I think you captured her tone, the weight of history and her innermost emotions well in such a short write.

Some suggestions for you:

Talk of bastards, whores and wifely duties mean this is probably better suited to an ASR rating than an E-rating. Have a word with a blue-cased Moderator, if unsure, or check out "Content Rating System (CRS)"

for further information

The months grieving for Arthur were over and the sun shone again for both of us. We were in love and he did everything for me, even gaining a dispensation from the Pope, allowing us to marry. = You and I might know Katherine's history and her prior relationship with Arthur, but not everyone who reads your write will know that Arthur was Henry's brother. Sometimes, spelling things out makes life easier for those coming to a piece of history which is new to them. Even a small change, such as "His brother, Henry, and I were now in love and he did everything for me..." can make a big difference for your reader

they did not wish to upset their 'New' Queen = no need for new to be capitalized.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4305815

Review of The Path of Contempt

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

I am a sucker for the supernatural, so thank you for entering this short story, set in 13th century Italy, in the History Contest.

Showing, not telling, is something a great many folk advise. There is worth in it. It can be hard getting characters' backstories across without an 'info dump'. One thing to do, when you include backstory information, is to look at it afresh and ask if really needs to be there at all--in other words, is the information only something that you as the author needed to develop your characters--does it deserve to be there, and such things only really ever deserve to be there if they advance plot and/or character. Take this for instance:
It was 1209, Italy, and Richter was a successful carpenter, having immigrated from Germany to become an entrepreneur with a close friend of his, who came from Sicily. After he and Alisse were married, they settled in Apulia, and lived in tranquility as they began to raise a family. You have already shown the love and tranquility Richter and Alisse live in, before this information is offered. You have shown it through the characters' names, the action of Richter making the rocking chair, the action and dialogue between content and loving husband and wife, and hint at relative prosperity as you have shown Richter as a carpenter (having made the chair) and having made it for his child, rather than to make money.

Adverbs are not the devils people make them out to be. They are, in fact, bloomin' useful! That said, it is best to employ them sparingly, as they will not do your descriptive job as well as you will. Cutting back on them will tighten your write, making every word count. Showing can often breed less words, rather than more. It is good to look for extraneous words, too--why say her hair is long? If she can drape it over his shoulder, then the length is implied. Here is an extended example:

He noticed a mischievous smirk on her lips. “Looks more like violet to me,” she told him teasingly.

Richter's thick, dried up lips twitched into a frown, but after a moment turned back into a grin after he grunted amusingly.

“Oh, is that so?” he then replied sarcastically, as he approached her.

They exchanged a kiss. His lips must have felt rough against hers, but she reciprocated just as tenderly.

“It looks wonderful,” she conceded.

She carefully shifted Kamen in her arms to lean against him, her long chestnut hair draping over his shoulder as she did. He wrapped his arm around her lean frame and pulled her in as tightly as he could; she sighed comfortably.

He noticed a mischievous smirk on her lips.

She teased him. “Looks more like violet to me.”

Richter's thick, dried up lips twitched into a frown, but turned back into a grin as he approached her. “Is that so?”

He kissed her. His rough lips burned. Her tender kiss cushioned him in reply. Richter wrapped his arm around Alisse's lean frame and pulled her in as tightly as he could, his wife's chestnut hair draped over his shoulder.

She shifted Kamen in her arms to lean against Richter and study the chair. She sighed with a smile. “It looks wonderful.”

Do you really need to end it by explaining what will happen years later? The third from last paragraph makes for the stronger ending. You could strengthen it further by relating it back to your initial imagery of the creation of the chair, by the destruction of a chair--after all, they are sat by the dying embers of a fire. Instead of moving them to a cave to have a fire and a chat, why not keep them at the previous scene's vineyard farmhouse, where such a rocking chair would not be needed by the tenants anymore... Just a thought

Many of your readers will read online. As such, it can be helpful to use site-common formatting for your stories, which includes leaving a double-spaced return between paragraphs and dialogue (or in your case, 2x double-spaced return, as your main body of writing is double spaced). It will allow readers to scroll down without losing their place.

Overall this is a smashing supernatural action piece and I thoroughly enjoyed the dialogue. There is such a spark between Ulfric and Richter, and such tenderness in the brief portrait of Richter's life with Alisse. I am firm believer that dialogue should only ever be there if it advances either plot or character and you make your dialogue work twice as smart by having it do both. Excellent

A little time spent editing will turn this good story into a great one. Thank you for the chance to read, rate and review. If you do work further on it, please let me know if you would like me to come back to re-read, re-rate, and review!

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4305813

Review of Driftwood

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

Hi there and welcome to WdC. Thank you for submitting this flash fiction into the history contest.

I love a vignette. To me, one of the most important aspects of a successful one is to take the reader straight into a particular and intense moment. You do that very successfully here. The imagery is strong, as is the tone and pace.

I know that punctuation can be a very personal expression of style, but I am a bit of a fan of commas. There were a few places in this write where I would have liked a few more, so that I could be directed by you as to when to take a mental breath. Predominately these places were before sub-clauses and when listing. Same goes for hyphens, like here:
[...] his blood soaked broken leg.
And with possessive apostrophes, like here:
his brown leather aviators jacket , or did you mean 'aviator jacket'?

Overall, a short, but enjoyable read

Entering contests is a great way to get people to notice your work and visit your port (portfolio). Here are a few more ways you can attract more readers to your work on site:

Use the brief description area to hint at the content and grab the attention of prospective readers

Use all 3 genre fields available to you. As we as 'History' you could consider fields such as 'Drama', 'Mystery', 'Action/Adventure', 'Transport', etc.

Review. Reviewing other writers will encourage return reviews and visits to your port

Join groups of like-minded writers. There are a host of review groups, groups by genre, and community groups that will expose you to more and more readers, writers and reviewers

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4305811

Review of Unseen Secret

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (2.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

Thank you for entering this inspirational biography of one of my favourite scientists, Tesla. Thank you, too, for using one of my favourite site tools: the Edit Points system

Overall, this feels like a good start rather than a full draft or finished piece. Your narrative style is informal and passionate; it made me want to read on. The first paragraph is intriguing and grabbed my attention, and it would lead nicely into introducing Nikola Tesla's name at the start of next paragraph.

Tesla led such an interesting life; from his early days in Europe (family and education), to his move to the states, his success with AC and the potential of his never-realised bankrupt project... an intriguing character, too--which you have hinted at. Hints are fab, but facts and explanations are necessary for your reader to appreciate just how magical Tesla's world was, and how much foresight he had at the core of his inventive genius.

I would be happy to return to your work and re-rate after further drafts. thank you for the opportunity to read and review

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4305806

Review of We Were Wrong

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

As a Brit, I come from a history rich in stealing other people's history, so your poem really struck a chord with me from the opening lines...and then I realised it carried on striking chords because this is my history. British settlers settled in America. British bibles bragged and conquered, and British ships enslaved, dominated and decimated continents in the pursuit of Empire and purse.

I have visited your port before, but I think this is one of only a few poems that has left me without that little glimmer of hope, because here you are quite astute in that last line's observation: we haven't learned a thing from history.

A thought-provoking poem that looks candidly at history without rose-tinted anything. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4305805

Review of Over the Edge of the World

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (2.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

Nice to see a 'sample' item being submitted for the history contest. Thank you for entering it.

Wouldn't it be great to be a fly on the wall at some of the world's most pivotal historical events? This short write of a scene of a world on the cusp of adventure gave me that tickle of fantasy, and I found myself wishing you had written more than a sample!

I liked how you took me straight to the heart of the action through the characters hesitance and feelings outside the reception room. This is one way you could expand the story, too, by concentrating on how your protagonist feels at each turn of the die: after all, to want sponsorship for one vessel and to come away with triple that, must have left him reeling.

For all my enjoyment, there are a few places you could look to tightening the write as either a more developed piece (mentioned above), or as a stand-alone sample:

Adverbs are not the devil, but it can pay dividends to question their presence, as there is often a more direct way of expressing yourself:
Christopher stopped hesitantly in front of the door to the Royal Reception Room
Christopher hesitated in front of the door to the Royal Reception Room

A lot of on line readers appreciate a double space between paragraphs and speech; it is easier for their eyes to keep their place when scrolling.

For a short write, there are a lot of exclamation marks. Using too many can lessen their impact, and so readers just start to read them as periods.

Where you see descriptive words repeated, ask yourself if another word could describe what you want to convey, by widening your vocabulary:
the King called from his lavish throne. Queen Isabella sat next to him in an equally lavish throne

Proofread specifically for punctuation and typos. There are a couple missing and extra spaces throughout.

Thank you again for entering this into the contest; it was a brief but pleasant dip into the past

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4305801

Review of The Printed WORD

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (3.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

Thank you for entering the History Contest. This is a lovely, personal write, which shows how 'big' historical events impact on little people. The story of your grandparents finding and exploring their religion, and ultimately shaping the religious history of your family, is part of a wider history of the religion itself. That intimate connection to history is truly wonderful. It is one of the reason so many of us like exploring our own family histories: history itself connects us to our ancestors

I really enjoyed that personal touch to history here, but I think that a little more time spent on future drafts could make this a smashing read for a wider readership. WdC is an international site, and as such, has an multi-cultural readership who may not be entirely familiar with your particular religion. Some time making (what may seem to you obvious) explanations of ideas will allow you to connect to people ignorant of this form of religious practice. As the overall tone is editorial article, why not put some useful links to resources in, too? It won't spoil the flow of the piece, and if you think it does, then you can always add them as footnotes.

You may want to proofread for typos, as I was not looking specifically for them, so here are a few I noticed:

Its well documented = contraction, so apostrophe required

When outcast by his own church, he set up a school in Topeka, Kansas. Later went to Houston = 'later went...' is not the start of a new sentence--it is part of the existing one, so requires a comma before it, not a period.

body and spirit.This paper included = space required.

It was one of these papers that came to my great grandparents home in Virginia = possessive apostrophe required (grandparents' home)

As the religion and its history may not be familiar to all readers, it can be wise to ensure your religious explanations are simple to understand. If you ensure that your sentence construction is solid, it may also help. Here is an example:

A little over 100 years ago a revival began in Wales and spread to the United States. Its well documented and is referred to by religious leaders as the "Fall of the Latter Day Saints."

Charles Parham, an evangelist, began preaching about this phenomenon and what was required to receive it.

The paragraphs above seem related enough to be joined, not separated. If so, receive what exactly? It seems like the phenomenon is the "Fall of the Latter Day Saints". Which saints are these and what fall does the phenomena relate to?

Again, it may be my limited understandng of religious phrases, but what do you mean by 'outpouring' here?

In Los Angeles he met with a group of people, on Bonnie Brea Street, hungry to hear what he preached. The result was the beginning of another outpouring in that city. = an outpouring of what?

Seeing repeated words and phrases can be an indication of where widening your vocabulary may enrich your prose:

Bonnie Brea Street, hungry to hear what he preached ...

From the hunger to hear more about the miraculous changes

...publications that are free for the asking...

There are printing plants in Africa and and in Asia. Still, all are free for the asking and we have never

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4305797

Review of Herculaneum

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (3.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

Thank you for entering a poem in the History Contest; it is a great way to share distilled moments from the past

Herculaneum is chilling. Your poem captures the fragility of the townspeople's lives and lifestyles. I have seen film and photographic footage of those boat sheds, and the scale and violence of loss and destruction is phenomenal. We too kid ourselves that our homes, towns and ways of life are permanent. You reveal and connect these ideas subtly in the poem, like where you liken the everyday town's inhabitants daily lives to our own.

The poem is set out in 6 four-line stanzas. There is no fixed rhyme and rhythm. This doesn't detract too much from the poem, but first half of the poem is so different in line structure to the last half that it almost felt like reading a different poem. In that way it sort of felt like an early draft, rater than a finished one.

I did like your wordsmithying; the imagery of the volcano brooding, the alliteration of 'bleached bones ... boathouse' and the direct narrative address 'you'. All of these little touches were evidence of the range of poetic devices you have available in your poet's toolbox. Nice writing

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4288730

Review of Leader Of The Pack

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

This turned up on the Random Reads listing, and of course I wanted to stop by and visit a Lornda-related write

I am glad I did! This is a smashing rhyming acrostic homage to one of WDCs favourite reviewers. Although the sporadic use of punctuation did make my internal voice stutter in a couple place, it's nothing that a few more periods wouldn't solve. Overall, you left me with a smile on my face, which I am sure was the end result for your subject, too. Thanks!

Only one other small suggestion: why not pop in a link to Lornda's port, so other random readers can stop by once they have read your lovely tribute?

Write on and take care,
Acme

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4287705

Review of The Soul of Society

Review by Acme

Rated: ASR

| (2.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
Less of an essay, and more of a thoughtful and general pondering about society's well-being (or lack of it) through the distress some children suffer. The prompt is used, but, as this little write asks some big questions, it would have been rewarding to have been offered some deeper insights into them, through examples, case studies, and debate.

What are my favourite parts?
The poet in you makes for powerfully distilled prose; those short, snappy, direct opening sentences worked well. They set the tone, captured my attention and encouraged me to read on--I only wish there had been more than a few hundred words to read.

What are my suggestions?
This did feel rather a short item for the essay category, and you may want to expand on it, once the PWW contest has finished. You pose a lot of questions, but do not seem to offer any insight into how they are/can be answered. This might be a good place to look at areas for development. You mention some national and international days and agencies. What benefit, if any, have these been to the promotion and development of children's rights?

Good essayists have a distinctive and alluring narrative voice. You have this, which makes you very lucky. Speak longer. Say more. I ache to listen

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4287703

Review of Balloons - Bought and Sold

Review by Acme

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
A thoughtful and thought-provoking write which clearly demonstrates a link to the prompt and resonance with place.

If it was the aim of the writer was to show the ills of society through powerful caricature examples of the children, there was always going to be the danger of painting the ills of the children themselves, and that may have been the case in the portrait of the little girl who had everything, including too much pizza. Overall, though, the device works well, and demonstrates some very clever penmanship. Taboo-fuelled questions arise that not all may want to examine, but whenever a reader questions their response to what is written, I believe it has to be a positive thing--I like feeling uncomfortable; it means I am confronting issues that need confrontation. Strangely, the most discomforted I felt was reading the maid-servant's daughter's story: it was as if the best example of a life well-lived in balance was to have good manners and study in a middle-class environment. I wonder how many people have access to this life, or such sensible mothers with the ability to save and spend generously on education. Rather than showing how society treats this child/children like her, I thought it demonstrated the determination of her mother: rather individualistic, but, then again, society is made up of the sum of its individual parts... And then I wondered if I was reading two essays: the one about karma, or the one about education; the one about children being poorly treated and that association with karma as a concept, or the one about education being the answer to all of society's ills in general. Maybe that's what you have here: two essays to work on post-contest, or a clearer, more seamless way of demonstrating a marriage between karma and education.

Like I said, a thought-provoking read, and one well-worth reading. A good essay, interesting slant on the prompt, and the prose style of a poetic soul. A privilege to read, rate and review. Thank you.

What are my favourite parts?

A culture's mind-set is not an easy thing to take on as a write, as it can be all-too easy to offend, or to end up offended as the writer. You captured that aspect well here:

It's a theory that can comfort when times are bad and keep you grounded when times are good. Or it can be a cover for the helpless and an escape route for a dodgy conscience or a neglectful attitude.

What are my suggestions?

Some time spent with fresh eyes will catch the very few typos, fragmented sentences and some grammar issues that are present. Look for others, but here are some examples I noted, and consider my very personal opinion about this being two essays as just that: my very personal opinion!

This is more a question of style, really, so please feel free to ignore. A conversational tone does create intimacy alongside a strong narrative voice, but the second sentence here lost some natural cadence through the rhythm the punctuation and extraneous words created. Did you need a comma before 'actually' and was 'anyway' needed? Sometimes less is more; it adds more punch:

She cannot help herself or her daughter. She will not actually, because she knows it's all their own fault, anyway.
Could be:
She cannot help herself or her daughter. She will not. She knows it's all their own fault.

Spacing typo:
"Shh," the maid-servant admonishes her."Don't vomit so loudly."

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4287702

Review of Has Anything Changed

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?

Good, clear, use of the prompt in this essay that focuses on, what amounts to, the birth of children's rights in the UK from being liberated from the 19th Century work force, by education and labour acts. The reader is then led into examining similar issues that still affect children in today's Britain. I was very pleased to see footnotes being used. These told me that research had taken place in creating the essay, as well as allowing me access to further information on the subject, should I wish to dig deeper. The only potential issue that arose from this, was that I sometimes wondered if the inclusion of the links themselves absolved the essayist from deeper exploration of discussion/debate within the essay itself. One example was the deviation from historical child labour issues in the workplace, to the introduction of child trafficking, which didn't seem to be fully linked or explored within the rest of the context of the essay.

What are my favourite parts?

Your flow. Your style. Your 'voice'. Honestly, I felt like you were talking to me, as if you were in the room, and yet the overall tone was not too informal. The structure was clear, thoughtful and moved purposefully through the points you wanted to address. You seem to have a natural, editorial tone and voice, perfect for essays and articles. I hope to read more, so you really must write more. Please. A real pleasure

What are my suggestions?

You had the option for a much greater word count--don't get me wrong, sometimes you only need the amount of words you need, but in this case, I think you could have expanded on some of your ideas in a bit more depth. In places, it felt like a really good first draft, more than a complete essay.

It can be helpful to distinguish literary titles by using italics or inverted commas.

Style can be a very subjective thing, but I personally prefer a 'which' to a 'that' in a subordinate clause:
Yes, there is still child poverty in this country, that is perhaps not being addressed as it should.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4270868

Review of Jessica Beals's Inheritance Part I

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.0)

An Acme Review

BOO!

What the spook are you on about?

So much fun to be had with pure dialogue, and oh, boy, is this a Monster Mash-up! Flashdancer's, Aunt Margaret visiting, Baker Street originals and Addamses

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?

I might not have guffawed out loud, but I definitely grinned and chortled in all the right place. My favourite exchange was between Pugsley and Jennifer Beals about Thing

Chillers?

Just a few typos peppering the write--proofreading with fresh eyes should reveal them, but they mostly comprise of missing commas, inconsistency of whether a capital letter is used for titles, and a missing quotation mark. Once you have edited, please let me know and I will be happy to return to re-rate.

I am not a clever reader (think of Watson's constant state of astonishment about Holmes's deductions), so for the mystery-challenged amongst your readership, you may have to spell out subtleties; in this case, who the murderer/property developer is (no spoilers in this public review, but please confirm my unspoken supposition by return mail!)

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4270860

Review of Sounds fishy to me - a review of "Jaws".

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

An Acme Review

BOO!

What the spook are you on about?

Yay! Another review! With so few entries this year, it's great to have quality over quantity, but if I run another hallowe'en contest next year, it may well only have reviews as the sole category. Ok, back to you, or rather, back to our favourite (my favourite) terror of the deep: Jaws! The Review, not featuring Michael Caine!

I found myself nodding in agreement of your opening paragraphs: Sharks are bloomin' scary

I began to worry where I might find the funny, but I needn't have worried: you are an experienced comedian and film reviewer, and soon enough, there it was, more nodding in agreement from me, but a little more relaxed with a smile on my face at the plethora of "In fact, if you..."s!

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?

You're frighteningly good at proposing well-reasoned and thought out arguments, which only hindsight reveals as not very sensible at all, like this one:
"In fact I am going to turn evolutionary science on its head with my theory that the dinosaurs actually died out because sharks ate them all."

Not so much a giggle, but a nod to some smashing writing on your part, is that your appreciation of this film and the writing really comes through, and as much as your review is playful, I really admire thiis, because Jaws really is my favourite film of all time. I have seen a lot of good films in the 40+ years since it was made, but nothing beats its pace, horror, adventure, cinematography, character portrayal and dialogue. Your paragraph encouraging readers to watch the famous Indianapolis scene was spot on

Chillers?

There are a spattering of little typos throughout, but nothing that a fresh pair of eyes won't catch. Here's one example:
However ghost shark is I only able to mildly wound the heroines little sister when he attacks her in the bath! = strange 'I' and possessive apostrophe needed in heroine's.
Give it a proofreading tickle on the editor's bench and I will happily come back to slap on a 5

rating to this perfectly delightful piece

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4264432

Review of Autumn Remembered

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (3.5)

October always gets me in the mood for my favourite season: Autumn

. It is one of the reasons that your story appealed to me, too.

This is a nostalgic tale to warm the heart. Memory of loved ones during autumns past is a good way to sketch fascinating characters. Good luck with the contest you have entered. A little time spent proofing and editing will set you up well for a good response from the judges

You have a lovely way with words: the poet in you really makes the most of the imagery you create in setting scenes.

Punctuation can be a subjective thing; I like commas, even though I know I don't necessarily need to use all of them. As a general guide, I only really omit them if I am sure my meaning remains clear, but I also like to leave them in where I think they raise and lower my narrative voice as I want the reader to hear it. I stumbled here, until I put my own commas in:
My sister Sarah and I, the two youngest, worked on a pile together. John and Ben, my older brothers and Dad made the biggest piles
My sister, Sarah, and I, the two youngest, worked on a pile together. John and Ben, my older brothers, and Dad made the biggest piles

Watch out, too, for tense shifts:
Mom was concerned that she get the best ones for pumpkin pie
Mom was concerned that she got the best ones for pumpkin pie

It pays to be consistent with the rules you create for yourself in a write. Thought, for instance: you show the narrator's thought without italics or speech marks, but then go on to use speech marks in another 'thought' sequence. Jumps in point of view can be distracting, too. The majority is written in first person, but then jumps to third person here:

So many things had changed, so much time had passed. She smiled to herself and thought, “Some things never change. [...]

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4261153

Review of Google It!

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.0)

I found this interesting essay via the 'Read a Newbie' section of WdC. I am glad I stumbled across it. It is a well-presented personal account of how technology, and specifically how we use search engines like Google to source information, has had a profound impact on learning and research. There is also a brief visit to how this appears to have caused psychological changes in the retention of information, too, but I could have done with a few more academic sources backing this up or countering it to really get into this side of the argument. That said, one of the joys of reading this essay is that the author has gone to the trouble to cite sources--invaluable in creating a strong academic article rather than just an opinion piece

. I try to steer clear of questioning whether a writer has 'cited right', as I was brought up old-style Harvard, and there are numerous acceptable citation styles these days, do I won't even attempt to discuss this, except to say I am a fan of page numbers, wherever possible, simply for ease of chasing down references when I want to go deeper.

There are areas which would benefit from proofreading and subsequent editing, e.g., the period and new sentence missing here: "At the time Google didn't exist it was msn or yahoo, but I didn't automatically turn to that I would still seek out a book.". Once a fresh pair of editing eyes have been cast over this essay, it promises to make for a very good essay, indeed

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4260887

Review of The Dinner

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (1.5)

Hi maplephobia

}

Welcome to Writing.Com!

I saw this short story listed on the 'Read a Newbie' section of the site and was quite taken aback by the brief description "the most ugliest stupidest writing you will ever see". Well, it isn't. Sure there are places you can concentrate on in future edits, but your fantasy tale of demonic dining has some interesting interactions and characters.

Taking time to present your work will reap benefits. On WdC, writers often leave a double return between paragraphs and when characters speak to make scrolling easier on the eye and to keep their place. The usual rules of separating paragraphs so that bite-sized chunks of related sentences will help, too. When you go to edit a piece, you can run a helpful spell check to ensure you reader's experience is a good one and your meaning is clear. Pronouns, such a 'I' should be capitalised. Ellipses (. . .) come in threes, and often denote an omission; using two could just look like a period typo.

As for WdC formats, it will be worth your while to consider the following:
The Rating System, allows readers the comfort of knowing what it suitable for them to read. We have a lot of younger readers here, so anything alcohol-related, such as the character's drunkenness, means you should change the rating to 13+. The brief description gives you a chance to hook a passing reader's attention, so whilst yours grabbed mine for different reasons, it is often better to relate the information here to your story's plot. Similarly, WdC gives you the option to choose 3 genre types. It is worth using these as readers often search for items to read based on their genre preferences.

I think you have a good start here. It will appeal to a lot of readers if you take time to proofread and edit.

Write on and take care,
Acme

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4260885

Review of Scott Rosenberg,s lunatic fringe

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (1.5)

Hi Timespylit

,

Welcome to WdC. I hope you enjoy it here; there are lots of good groups to support you, and I noticed you write a lot of poetry, so make the most of your time here by saying hi to fellow poets. If you review, people will often extend the courtesy of returning the favour

WdC has a lot of tools available to you. The little cog image above your work (to the right) gives you access to numerous editing tools, including a spell check. Whilst the rebel in me thinks creative writers should have the freedom to present their words as the like, there can be a detrimental effect to your readers' enjoyment of your work, if they have difficulty understanding you. The WdC spell check gives you choices, and you can often look at definitions, too, to avoid using the wrong word or a homophone.

You obviously have great passion for what you want to convey, so I do hope you take time to proofread, edit and make revisions.

Write on and take care,
Acme

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4255744

Review of You are on my mind

Review by Acme

In affiliation with Write On This...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Welcome to WDC! I

It is good to see you using all the site tools that will attract readers to your poem, and the genre choices will help people to search for your item.

This is a romantic poem for the lovelorn. The long 'prose' of verse one reveals sadness, which is beautifully contrasted by the hope in the final verse. Nice to see a Romantic poetry tool being used with the references to nature, and the clever twist in retrospect to the word 'leaves', when you go on to liken the emotions evoked to those of the writer/artist.

Favourite bit:
I’m sad but happy because
that's what we have to feel when we write

There is a part of me that ached for a little more direction from you via punctuation. Not in the first verse, but after the first line in the second verse. Your choice entirely, but I was not sure how to 'hear' it in the lines to follow.

Great start to your writing here. Looking forward to reading more

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/acme