Acme's (acme) Reviews

Review Requests: OFF

2,953 Public Reviews Given

3,697 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Honest. I give my overall impressions, let you know what worked well for me and what didn't, and when that happens, I like to try and offer suggestions--totally up to you if you want to take any notice; it is your writing, after all. I am just glad to have the opportunity to read and review. I rarely think anything is perfect, so please do not request a review if you value ratings over review content.

I'm good at...

...being interested. I take time over reviews. My reviews are intimate, informal and honest. They aim to help, offer insight, and celebrate the graft of craft. I love commas. Punctuation is a personal passion.

Favorite Genres

Comedy, supernatural horror, sci-if, fantasy, thriller, detective, slice-of-life, history.

Least Favorite Genres

Dystopian glumness, romance, personal.

Favorite Item Types

Scripts. Fiction. Essays, especially academic

Least Favorite Item Types

Free form poetry. Other than that, little offends.

I will not review...

Unless previously agreed, novels and chapters are a no go with me. I am sorry to say that I haven't the time.

226

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#3023894

Review of PINATUBO Ch.2-William, the Vulcanologist

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Your opening here captures the cramped horror of long-haul flights very well. I particularly liked the description of the young boy playing cowboy in the aisle; I think I physically shuddered! Oh, and your leading man, William, makes a most attractive distraction. I thought this chapter developed your narrator's character well, as well as introducing us to another pivotal character. Her reaction to William and her conflicting thoughts and emotions are well conveyed, and their conversations flow realistically

The story moves along well.

There are just a couple of spacing typos that I noticed: the odd unnecessary space before closing quotation marks and missing space after ellipses, and one missing opening quotation mark; nothing that wouldn't be caught in a future punctuation edit.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!

227

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#3023859

Review of PINATUBO Ch.1--ENIGMA

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

This is a smashing opening to your novel. Setting the opening scene at the airport makes for exciting possibilities as well as giving you scope to deliver some vivid character descriptions. This made me feel as if I were there with your narrator, and the stream of consciousness storytelling moved at the speed of thought. You got to pepper your story with character insights and foreshadowing of other characters by showing memories of your narrator's relationship with her own self image and with her mother. Good writing

A good opening chapter should make the reader want to know more about your characters and their stories, and this did just that. You interweave fleshy characters with a stunning backdrop of description that does the poet in you justice.

While not a technical edit, you might want to look at places where you can cut unnecessary wording:

five-foot eight probably, and all legs. She wears a white leather jacket over a matching short skirt that accentuates the long and slim limbs. There is something vaguely familiar about her. I feel as though I’ve knownI know her from somewhere, but I cannot remember where or when.

the attendant asks with the sweetest of smile.

smiles (or you would have to write 'with a sweet smile.')

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!

228

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#3011737

Review of My Journey

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.0)

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Acme Review

This review is offered in the spirit of support and is only my opinion. Please feel free to take what you will from it and thank you for sharing your work!

Thank you for entering the February round of the Rising Stars contest

This is a journey shared with the reader, and I'm sure many visitors to this poem will be able to relate to it through their own journeys. While the meaning is good, the tense shift did throw me. Perhaps that is something you can look at once the contest is over? The first stanza is past tense and the final two are present.

Write on and take care!

229

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#3010130

Review of Across . . . .

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions.

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#1360711 by Brooklyn

What are my overall impressions?
Hey Tami, welcome to Writing.Com

Thanks for stopping by my portfolio with a rate and review. I thought I'd return the visit.

I do like this poem. I felt like I shared a common time and place with the poet. There are a couple of punctuation issues, but the content of your words is delightful.

What are my favourite parts?
Your words really took me into the moment! Your imagery was strong and you set a thoughtful tone and pace. Lovely writing

What are my suggestions?
Punctuation can be a pretty subjective thing in poetry, and some of my favourite poems do not use punctuation marks at all. That said, I do think if you are going to use them, you should do so throughout and appropriately. When you do get chance to edit you might want to change those commas and dashes into ellipses. Ellipses use three dots.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#3008526

Review of Luck

Review by Acme

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
Congratulations on being a Prize Catch in
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The Talent Pond (ASR)
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#1261045 by Brooklyn

What are my overall impressions?
My first impression was, "No way! Either Dan or I is John Malcovich (sp?)" Wanna know why? We have both written about the other certainty: "Acme's Apocalypse"

[13+] has loads of Death related fun and japes including a hot game of Texas Hold 'em in "Invalid Item"

Don't panic, I did actually start to read your item, once I got over the whole 'great minds think alike' malarkey.

What are my favourite parts?
Oh, Dan, you are master of metaphor and scholar of simile. Whatever images you conjure up, they always reflect the tone and content of your narrative. This is just about brilliant:

I wondered again about the Vegas connection. Was our presence here what made the place so raw and exciting? Or was there some strange pipeline of energies running through the desert that drew us all here? Hard to say, but, when it came to the Primal Forces of human nature, Vegas distilled them down to their purest, most dangerous form. It was a Meth lab of human emotions.

I almost needed a shower because I felt so gritty.

What are my suggestions?
I tried reading this analytically and it failed miserably; your story kept dragging me in. No noticeable errors stood out. If I have to pick hairs (and I am picking hairs) the ending didn't seem quite as strong as the opening. I hope that's because you plan to write more with these characters.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#3007480

Review of My World

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
This poem fed my senses as I explored the narrator's own. I thought the opening imagery was strong and vivid because it not only relied on the images the reader would bring to it, but also on the sounds and smells. It would have been great to incorporate taste and touch in someway too, but I certainly enjoyed the senses this poem did address.

What are my favourite parts?
I love the way you've put this poem together: Strong descriptive imagery in the first stanza, a pivotal reveal in the middle and a summation of the narrator in the final one. All work well to provide a solid poem from start to finish.

What are my suggestions?
I'm also not happy with the title so any suggestions would be appreciated.
I think it a fitting title, as it explores this person's world. In fact, the only alternative suggestion I could come up with was 'This World', which indicates a kind of world that could be different.

The sound of my dog’s tag’s chiming

The tags (plural) belong to the dog, so the only possessive apostrophe needed is dog's

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#3007473

Review of Macabre Dance

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
While you might not be sure where this came from, I know where it took me. There is something hypnotizing about vampires. It's a theme every vamp writer explores: how we can find something so horrific so morbidly beautiful. This poem shows the horror and allure well.

What are my favourite parts?
Oh, you really do know how to command pace

From the chilling, slower-paced, observations of the opening stanza you whirled me around with the short-lined, action-packed second stanza. Good word choices, again, make this a good read.

Whirl and stomp
Hiss and spit
Drink the life giving blood
That flows aplenty

What are my suggestions?
I think you should use the brief description more to your advantage. I often click on items by online authors, reviewer and sponsored items because the brief description catches my eye and intrigues me. Use this space to highlight the content of the poem itself, and not how you came to write it.

I've got to be honest and say that for such a short poem, the jumps between point of view were a bit distracting. If you do want to stick to 'I' references and then 'you' ones, I suggest you clarify inside the content. I do think, however, that if you stick to one perspective your reader will appreciate it. This dance between hunter and prey would make for good 3rd person pov.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#3007468

Review of Tree Rings

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" as your auction win in "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
It really is a pleasure to be in your portfolio. I had a quick glance around and your poems all seem to do one thing very well: command my attention at the pace you dictate. This one in particular worked well as a whole because the structure contributed to the slower pace; it was as if I were in your moment, not my own.

What are my favourite parts?
There is a lot to like here: the use of coloured WritingML, the shape, your word choices and imagery, but most of all I loved the layers of meaning that you interwove with the extended metaphor of the poet as the tree.

What are my suggestions?
Only one:

skin thick as bark
become stronger each year

As you are talking about the what the skin does, and not what you envisage it doing, you should add an 'S' to become.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2999489

Review of Unraveling

Review by Acme

Rated: 18+

| (2.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
Again, I'd argue about the use of wording describing Rictometer as 'Pure Form', but my earlier review goes into why. I wanted to read this poem as soon as I saw you develop it into a four stanza poem using the form. This poem doesn't feel quite as 'complete' as the scream poem, and it doesn't meet the Rictometer's demands on form. Care and attention in a future edit would iron out the wrinkles.

What are my favourite parts?
Using four stanzas made me look for different angles in your poem's narrative, and I was happy to find them. Using 'We', 'You', 'I' and back to 'We' as the context for each verse gave weight to your subject matter. Oh, BTW, which was hot, hot, hot!

What are my suggestions?
Again, an author's note highlighting the requirements of the form would be a good idea

is skilled in carnal know.

Know how? Knowledge? I realise that you were under syllabic constraints, but this lack of finishing a word really felt like it. As you don't have any rhyme scheme to follow, this is a good opportunity to rewrite a 4 syllable line that fits in with the progression of this stanza's narrative, but without squeezing a word in to fit.

Silent wishes granted
in the shadow of night.

There should not be two 6 syllable lines next to each other. The first of these lines should be 8 syllables to meet the requirement of the form. And here both 7 syllables lines should be 8 and 6 respectively:

Trapped in growing desire,
with no break but to submit,

set free inside, to shatter

7 syllables instead of 6

The need is sated but a moment.

9 syllables instead of 8

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2999479

Review of Voice Extreme

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
I was so pleased to see you use Rictameter, all though I have to wonder what you mean by 'pure form' as some sources quote its roots in Cinquain. As far as the requirements of form go, you've met the syllabic and line demands well. I also thought you did a good job of visually displaying this poem by centralising the text which makes your structure stand out.

What are my favourite parts?
This really was a scream! I loved your turn of phrase and think you captured that excess of energy behind a scream. This poem was a pleasure to read, and to re-read

What are my suggestions?
For those unfamiliar with the form, you may want to add an author's note by way of explanation.

pure pain, violence unleashed... while you may not intend the impact of your words to be more than E rated, I would still suggest your rating rise to ASR, just to be on the safe side

My suggestions are not about your poem's content and structure, so my rating remains a 5

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2999472

Review of As The Petals Fall

Review by Acme

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
There are some really powerful moments in this poem comprised of couplets. There are also some areas where a little time spent editing will make a big difference. Any time on it will be time well spent, as this poem has such a strong central theme, opening couplet and final couplet.

What are my favourite parts?
The first and final couplet are truly stunning. The imagery is vivid and your use of metaphor and personification brings it to life. Wonderful writing.

What are my suggestions?

And whisper one final prayer in tones of soft, even flow.

This line felt as if it was engineered backwards, as if it was the flow that was soft and even, not the tone. Perhaps:

And whisper one final prayer in soft tones with even flow.

The lacquered box lowers slowly, achingly, into the ground.
Bid the last farewells in handfuls of dirt upon the pyre mound

A pyre is a large pile of wood on top of which a body is burned, but the rest of the poem clearly indicates that a funeral is taking place.

Through murky tears, feel as the heart turns to stone.

As this line seems to be directed at someone (whether another mourner, or at the narrator themselves), you may want to personalise it by using a pronoun, such as 'my' or 'your' instead of 'the' when referencing the heart.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2999464

Review of Dreaming Darkly

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is one of four reviews gifted to you by your Secret Pal as part of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
This dark poem oozes a nightmarish tone throughout. There is good melody and pace in the rhythm of your words, and I was drawn into your imagery.

What are my favourite parts?
It was probably the structure; it added to the pacing and smoothly delivered your concepts within a familiar quatrain structure, with simple a-a-b-b rhyme scheme. Reading such as simple format meant that I could concentrate more on what you were saying, rather than how you were saying it!

What are my suggestions?
'It', to 'The', to 'Our', was a little confusing to me. I never really settled into seeing the poem as a whole. I felt more like I was reading stanzas that didn't quite add up to a whole poem.

I assumed this was a Gothic/vampire because of this line:

Seduction fades into twin crimson streams

If that is the case, you may want to change one of the two uses of the same 'dark' genre choices for 'Gothic'. Doing so may increase your potential readership.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2997071

Review of Cut Flower

Review by Acme

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

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AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Good use of form's rhyme pattern and refrain, although the eight syllables per line gave way to a number of them being nine syllables in length. You showed a clear demonstration of picture prompt, and I liked the way you used it as an extended metaphor for a relationship.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!

239

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#2997067

Review of That Which We Love...

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

In researching Rondels I've found contradictions in form and so I am happy to stick to your, and Pond Poetry's, choice of form. As such you deliver a good Rondel with attention to rhyme, structure and syllabic content. You do justice to the picture prompt too! There were a couple of things that caught my eye in these lines:

We're not content to just admire
beauty in it's natural state.

You do not need a possessive apostrophe in the word 'its'. 'Just' is a word used more in conversation, rather than writing, and it's seems a wasted word in a poem where the poet has a smashing grasp of vocabulary.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!

240

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#2994900

Review of Sagacious Sergeant Major

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is the final review of four reviews that you have received as part of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
This tongue twisting play on words is a good satire piece of poetry

What are my favourite parts?

You supercilious soul, you are no superman

I normally don't appreciate alliteration that goes over the top, but that's actually part of my enjoyment of this poem. Here you are creating a caricature of a hideous man, and the repetition of the 'S' words worked really well. They added an audible 'hiss', like the bad guy in a stage show gets from the audience!

What are my suggestions?
The item type should reflect that this is a poem, so that potential readers can find it easier through the site's search engine.

Add comedy to the unused spare genre choice.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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241

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#2994819

Review of Diary Secrets

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This review is part of
WDC Power Raid And Chat Forum (E)
Join our group to help. :-)
#1388251 by Maryann - House Martell

What are my overall impressions?
Hi there

This is good, complete, story in flash fiction form. I thought you did well in telling it in so few words, and in presenting it in flashbacks and a diary entry.

What are my favourite parts?
I liked the way you made this a stream of consciousness piece, by introducing memories in italics, as your narrator walked around the old house. It was an effective way of delivering your story

What are my suggestions?
Your work will be highlighted to more readers if you use the genre fields. Try to use all three to increase your visibility.

Check your use of punctuation throughout, and if in doubt consult a style guide:

I had to push a little to get the door open, slowly I opened the door as it erupted with a creak every time my soft finger tips touched it’s rough, crackly surface.

The comma can't join two sentences. Replace it with a period. Remove the possessive apostrophe from 'its' as it is not necessary (the same would be true of yours, theirs, ours etc.,).

with his wild blood shot eyes and started

bloodshot

and my mom couldn’t help me any.

any more?

Try to stick to a tense. Most of your writing is in the past tense:

my father was still strong.
Tears poured from my eyes as I begged

but sometimes it isn't, and that's when you distract your reader:

Thinking this is the end

Sometimes this change in tense occurs in the same sentence:

I flip the light switch and the lights flickered to life.

Spell check do not catch all errors, so you should proofread too:

My mother has dies three days ago

You should also stick to the same point of view. You go from first person to second person here:

You could hear nothing but my crying

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2992751

Review of The Key to Your Heart

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

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AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

First of all, allow me to apologise for taking my merry time with this review: it's your fault. Normally, I read an item and make notes in my review tool as I read, sending my review/response on the heels of fresh sentiment. You didn't afford me that luxury, because I was transfixed by your storytelling and didn't have time to make notes as I went... I might have missed something if I'd dawdled. Consequently, I assumed I had written it and sent it

This spooky tale is right up my alley for valentiness

Strong characterisations, a succinct plot, broken hearts (lit.) and skeleton keys make this an adventure-packed horror

Love your use of personification and simile to enrich your storytelling:

The Hanson House glared back, sagging upon its foundation like a decrepit old man.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!

243

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#2992697

Review of The Iceberg

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
You choose an original take on the disaster of the Titanic. I thought exploring the iceberg itself was a good way to compose your poem. I got a clear image of its dominance and tremendous force of nature. The Titanic was a good historical background to use for a poem, as it did not need much by way of explanation. Most people know the tradegy that befell the ship, in no small part due to the success of the A Night to Remember and Titanic movie blockbusters. The history that is there is sound: reference to ship board reaction, the April seas and the new (to me) fact of the dog show referenced in your Author's note.

What are my favourite parts?
Your imagery. Use of simile is good, but it is your word choice, personification and metaphor that really showcase your writing:

The glacier gave birth to its clean, white child.
The deafening, rolling thunder announced its progress to the sea.

What are my suggestions?
While the rhyme scheme is good, the rhythm in the lines jumps in length and meter. By the time I reached the final stanza, the natural rhythm presented your poem in a much different light than the tightness that opened it.

This is a contest entry, but you should use the brief description to highlight the poem's content.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2991741

Review of THE CATTLE OF GERYON

Review by Acme

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
"'TWEEN HERDS 'N WORDS"

[E] captured my imagination when it came first place in my Comedy Contest, and this light-hearted look at one of Hercules' labours is equally as memorable. My only question is: is it history? That question won't stop me reviewing this as a stand alone item, and rating it on that basis alone, but it might affect your eligibility for the History contest. I say might, because we're on philosophical ground here, and by definition, I'm rubbish at definition.

What are my favourite parts?
I love your storytelling! You are one of my favourite epic poets. Your narrative poetry always leaves me completely satisfied when I've read it. A lot of this has to do with your ability to engage my imagination and attention through vivid descriptions, characterisations and natural humour.

What are my suggestions?
One of the things that I always appreciate from your work is that it makes me think. In this poem's case it makes me think of the grey area where history and myth make wary bedfellows. Is myth history? It's one of those questions that will drive me potty. History is a narrative of events, while mythology is a body or collection of myths belonging to a people and addressing their origin, history, deities, ancestors, and heroes. I looked at the Greek roots of both words; mythologia is 'story-telling', and historein is 'to inquire'. While I'm not comfortable classing mythology as history (basic lack of facts), that doesn't mean it isn't tied in with cultural understanding of the world around us, and history is a humanities based subject. In other words, I'm still clueless

One thing I am sure of is that this is a smashing poem. I have no suggestions to improve it whatsoever.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2991585

Review of Guitar Zero

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
Hi Coffeepaw

,
This is the first of four poetry reviews from the raid

I wanted to start with this one because I'm all about the comedy. I also have a similar axe to grind with Wii Music (erm, no, it's not). I loved the way you approached this poem, and there's no doubting your narrative stand point! Using specific examples of musicians who could certainly fight their own corner was a good call. You obviously have a good tool kit for poetry in your arsenal because even in comedy your attention to metaphor, alliteration, language choice and melody shone through. I do have a few suggestions on how you can improve this poem, but you should know that I did enjoy reading this

What are my favourite parts?
The deadpan opening couplet set the comedy bar for me, and the rest only went to enhance it. What makes a good comedy poem? A good punchline. You have one

What are my suggestions?
As you are not writing to a specific metrical or syllabic requirement, I was confused by some of the omissions in certain lines. My advice is to add words and add clarity:

Playing at your game
Songs never quite the same.
Playing at your game
Songs do not sound the same.

Frantic button mashing -
My memories you're smashing!
Frantic button mashing -
Those are my memories you're smashing!

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2991573

Review of Pet Peeve

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
This was a smashing write!

I thought you wrote a poem on a most original subject and presented it well. You left me with a smile on my face, so thank you for that

What are my favourite parts?
Alliteration really enhanced this poem, as did the assonance of some of your word choices. Playful writing choices added to the playful musing of the narrator -- ace!

What are my suggestions?
Just a few technical things re: punctuation. Not every stanza should end in a period. Some of your stanzas pose questions and you should edit accordingly.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2991571

Review of Where I Belong

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (3.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
Yay! I love the way you wrote a narrative poem about narrative poetry

The winter festival workshops were so good, and I can't believe twelve months have gone past

Your language use in this poem is good, as is the imagery. I was a little thrown by a haphazard rhyme and rhythm, but the narrative you wrote conveyed your meaning well

What are my favourite parts?
Personalising it--admitting your vulnerability as a poet--makes this an intimate portrait of the poet at work.

What are my suggestions?
Line length changes throughout. While you don't need to implement a strict meter, you may want to look where the natural rhythm is broken by it. Also, I thought you had an mono rhyme pattern going, but then the fifth line of the first stanza didn't follow that. Then you got an a-b-c-b-d-b rhyme pattern going, but that broke down in certain stanzas to a-b-a-b-c-c, completely changing again in others. If you do plan to edit and are going to use rhyme, you might want to make it consistent throughout.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2991560

Review of A Healthy Heart Means

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
The brief description made me interested in this poem. I was so happy to find an acrostic when I popped it open. Acrostic poetry is a lovely form to play about with, and you do it justice here as you examine what makes a healthy heart.

What are my favourite parts?
Your presentation really enhanced my reading pleasure. I thought your use of WritingML displayed the acrostic to its best advantage and made it a feast for the eyes, as well as the heart!

What are my suggestions?
As you have made reference to writing the poem for a specific charity, you may also want to include a link to their website, or at least an author's note highlighting the kind of work that they do.

To get this to as wide an audience as possible, you really should use your genre fields. I suggest health, medical, how to/advice.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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14 days may be credited.

#2990185

Review of A Sense of Belonging

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
I've got to say that Free Verse is one of my favourite kinds of poetry to read, but one of the worst kinds that I write

Therefore, that is the reason I like to comment on it, especially when it is done well. And this is done well.

A poet has to employ a more varied spectrum of poetry tools when there is freedom in form. Tone, pace, metaphor, personification, language choice all come to the fore in this depiction of wintertime. Even without the lovely inclusion of an image, I could see this poem clearly because of your vivid imagery and beautiful language.

What are my favourite parts?
The strong opening stanza takes me straight to the heart of the poem, but my favorite thing is the way that you include the narrator so intricately and intimately into the scene:

The seasons have changed;
the nurturing breast of nature
has withered, awaiting renewal.
Yet, I feel her holding me,
I feel I belong; I feel…
…home.

Beautiful

What are my suggestions?
None - Write on!

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#2990156

Review of Conflagration

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
This is the second of four reviews through the port raid, and I chose it because I fancied a scare. You delivered!

I think everyone (well, me, anyway) has the nightmarish thought that they could pronounced dead and not be. I blame old movies. In fact, this reminded me of an old black and white that dealt with the narcoleptic burial of a woman, where other characters discovered, years later, that she had woke to find herself trapped, and buried alive in a coffin... Okay, so that is not really what you are saying here, but it brought back my terror and memories of that film, especially here:

I can hear the voices coming through the door.
I struggle to be heard. In my mind I implore
God to send a miracle, somehow set me free
but still I lay in the darkness in my misery.

What are my favourite parts?
Again, I like the form you chose to showcase this dark poem with. A simple, traditional, quatrain with a-a-b-b rhyme pattern worked well and added an extra punch of emphasis to the final rhyming couplet.

Another favourite part was the fact that you have terrified me with your vivid imagery, tone, and horror. The language used conveyed all these things very well.

What are my suggestions?

I see myself fall to the ground, laying on my back.

lying on my back.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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