Hi there Sumojo - I see the Australian icon, the kangaroo in your handle... does that make you an Aussie in NYC? Congratulations ! on Winning on 31st May in the "Daily Flash Fiction Challenge" too!
Your story had the ring of truth to it, and appeared to be anecdotal in style. I've visited NYC in 2009 and loved it, myself. I would envy anyone who could afford to live and work there!
There was a good use of prompts in your story of 299 word (for a 300 word limit) and I didn't see any errors of grammar or punctuation.
My only criticism is that more regularity of spacing on the page might improve the overall appearance of your piece but the story itself was very engaging and I was able to picture the whole scenario! Kudo's to you for good writing
Seeing him here surprised me, for I would have bet money on him being dead by now.
...I look a lot different now. Twenty years in prison changes a man both inside and out.
Some people have the knack for short fiction - a complete story arc in a flash! But I see the same people on a regular basis providing wonderful stories in the daily flash fiction forum, if that's the right term - and I am in awe of those' who can turn out perfect gems in a 24/24 hr turnaround!
Good Day f.x.keenan I know what you mean, here, when you said:
I ... have written as much since the covid outbreak as I had in my 57 years previous.
... for me, it's also reviewing - I've had plenty of time too!
In 246 words - for a contest: "Daily Flash Fiction Challenge" which has a 300 word limit - you've done an amazing job. Someone from here at WDC has said that it's hard to get a complete story within the word limit, into these kinds of contests, but I believe some people make it an art-form.
Is the subject too hot to handle? No - in-fact, he'll be as cool as a cucumber - in no-time at all! ... I was thinking that the signage must have been neon and quite dazzling - such is your ability to conjure with your words. All very enjoyable!
Well, Well, Well willwilcox Master Wordsmith! You can pack descriptions into your 55 words like a specialist chocolatier can spin a morsal of sugar and cocoa into each constant, delicious mouthful'.
Raising her bulky abdomen from the husk of her previous lover, she waved it at the newcomer and waited.
I am reminded of the Eponymous Title of the Album: Welcome To My Nightmare (by Rocker, Alice Cooper) Narrated by Vincent Price.
...And here, my prize, the Black
Widow. Isn't she lovely?.. and so deadly. Her kiss is
fifteen times as poisonous as that of the rattlesnake...
But I really like your outcome better ! What that suitor does!
Good Evening willwilcox I have to say I disagree with you ... The economy of words decreed in a contest like (upto) 55 words gives one licence to insist that the viewer of the story reads between the lines. With just the barest suggestion of events by the writer, readers become enmeshed in a co-dependency of the most delightful kind.
" To write means more than putting pretty words on a page; The act of writing is to share a part of your soul with the world.". by Hanna ~ Be Kind 💕 from the "The WDC Celebrity Authors Autograph"
Bonjour Maestro! kjo just groovin' I adored your story - 4,529 words of a beautifully crafted piece of writing - worthy of publication. I am an avid reader and I would pay for this story! Congratulations - I have also sent you an Awardicon
The wonder of your glorious writing is being exampled, right here!
...'A sweet smell enveloped the kitchen, warm and inviting. Her house was heady with the smoky goodness of ham. A bothersome look etched itself across her face, and the sweat found solace in the wrinkles with decades of stories to tell. Though she was past the stage of impressing, there was little doubt her children would think she was losing her faculties with such an unkempt mess. She did her best to straighten things up, sweeping the floor of the dust and feathers, putting away stacks of yellowed newspapers. She winced from the shooting pain in her hip, then muttered something about the numbness staying longer and the pain more frequent. She busied herself with slicing the ham, inhaling its succulent aroma as tender, pink slices layered the platter. Satisfied the work in the kitchen was done, Cora went to the porch and sat in the rocking chair Avery had built for her. ... "
MmmnnHMNN! I loved every word, like freshly baked bread and the aroma of coffee...
Just a couple of little imperfections detected, here
She had every intention of telling him the entire family couldn't come[INSERT COMMA HERE,] yet allowed the thoughts to go unspoken.
Mutley, sensing her joy, wagged his tail like he was swishing away and army of gnats.
And humor in abundance!
“Well everyone, I’m going in the kitchen to set the table for dinner. Is that okay?" Cora looked up at her eldest daughter.
“Go on ahead Irene and take Liz Beth with you. Lord knows, she needs to get more familiar with the kitchen.” Cora snickered. Elizabeth’s eyes opened wide.
Hello once more, Beholden - Now you're talking! I understood the meaning perfectly and you've found some good art to accompany it too (a favorite thing that I also do). It would also qualify for micro-fiction (prose). I can see why you'd be an admirer of the 50 word-exactly comps.
Good evening Beholden Congratulations, once again for winning the 'Contest with your entry. I've read these few special lines several times and I am always impressed with the canniness and wit displayed'.
Good Evening (as it is, in Melbourne) Beholden - I am reviewing the poetry below: and Congratulations on recently winning that Contest! Is that a deliberate play on words? ... "that still I am young and foalish. I wish I could comment with a more skillful and experienced 'eye' but I don't know much about poetry, except whether or not I like it... and I do!
STATIC
Gambol or Gamble? (E) 24 Syllable poem using the word "coltish." Winner of 24 Syllables Contest, 2/26/20. #2214109 by Beholden
Hi again elizjohn This is a well written story (13+ Rating) and it has an appropriate story arc for this demographic. I can imagine my young niece enjoying this story, too.
Apart from the error below, I found no other grammar or technical issues and the story had a pleasant balance of narrative and dialogue.
Some Typos/ Word missing?
It took him a long moment, but finally, he acquiesced. “Fine, Liz. Okay, you win.” He settled back into his seat. “We do still have a problem, though. I need to a place to hide out Saturday night.”
10/10 for you, Handsome! I thought that the picture would be larger before I opened it up. Never mind... you have a very nice profile and also - still - a very good head of hair!
Well, Beholden I also wonder if this is a fairly recent picture of you! Very nice. Now, I must away to review some poetry - apologies in advance because it's you who I'll be reviewing and I don't know a whole lot about poetry and than what it makes me feel - the thoughts and emotions it evokes. I hope I can do some of your poems justice, is all! Bye for now...
Hello Becca Winchester What a great and inventive tale in just undeer 830 words. A couple of punctuation matters' - but otherwise, good to go. I'll upload the correction suggestions into a word doc / WDC email for you to have a look at. It's easier than trying to fix it here with the writing tools, as it's getting quite late at night here, in Australia
Stay Tuned Readers, Because...
...a collection of Wyverns have a plot to spread more Pestilence into the world. In case we don't survive, we each made a pact to create our own chronicle and write in it...
I did enjoy the escapism into a world worse than ours - which doesn't look so bad now!
I'm giving this a 5 because I really relate to it... I remember a couple of times in my life when I felt like this... felt abandoned. You realise how big the world is... how insignificant you are... and just to have one other person to feel close to, means the world!
Hi edwinsmith that's some list you've created there, a couple of double-ups but in essence the list highlights a lot of positive outcomes from the Covid19 Virus.
You mentioned right at the start that: "there is an interesting concept called “negativity bias.” It suggests we give much more weight or attention to negative news than good news and it has been estimated that it takes about 4 good incidences to overcome one bad one. Interesting."
I'm wondering how we'll cope when things go back to what they were, more or less. I've noticed in many of the social commentary that is going around, that people are actually preferring things as they are, during lock down! Less people to deal with, petrol prices down, rents down, (in Australia) and many other 'added value' aspects.
Yes, you've offered "The Silver Linings of COVID-19" but what can be said of your list when all the lockdown condits. are lifted... perhaps you could make a new list and convince everyone what those benefits will be.
Indeed, Jeffhans - Your Utopian Game/ Quasi-Socialist Republic might actually work... probably in another couple of generations, when all the greedy boomers have passed - I mean, greedy & quite lazy boomers who like things just the way they are! i.e. elitist, capitalist and what's yours is mine - what's mine's my own - type people .
No, you'll need fresh eyes and untarnished people... probably kids born after Covid 19
I really love some of your ideas!
Encouraging home gardening and aquaculture where possible would be great features that would benefit the users as well as their friends and neighbors. Having lots of potential hobbies and home businesses available to learn and benefit from would help the mental and financial well being enough to make users want to keep using it.
WOW !I really enjoyed "Game Models" It made me feel more hopeful just reading it
Hello J.E. Allen You have written a superb piece of fiction in around 3,800 words. There were a few punctuation flaws - nil grammar problems detected. I'll post the complete word.doc corrections to you, rather than put them all in here. I've just high-lighted a couple for the review.
Duncan McCafferty stood in a parking lot, outside a hole-in-the-wall bar, under the buzz and flicker of a failing “Open” sign. The night’s rain was a fine mist, transforming into a heavy drizzle, that brought on a chill that made his bones shiver. Before opening the heavy wooden door,[INSERT COMMA] he hesitated, thinking to himself: Get back in the car and go home to your family. He pushed away the thought, it’s not every day you get to meet the man who will murder you.
He stepped inside the stale, smoky atmosphere of The Fisherman’s Wharf. This working-class [INSERT HYPHEN]dive bar relied on the rotating, yet constant return of local fishing boats from the bay. The men returning from sea were just as thirsty as the fish they caught. Out for weeks at a time, The Wharf - as the locals called it - was their haven.
Really, this should be a 5 star story and except for the punctuation, it will be! I'd be happy to review again, if you fix those items. Fantastic! Just my sort of story. Very professional and credible - the ending had a special twist!
Well, that'll teach you a) don't throw shoes at things... then b) don't tell everyone you did that! Were you also born on April 1st? ... Sorry... going a bit far, aren't I
I would find it hard to tell a story where I'm the joke - but you've done it with style!
No technical issues and you've situated the story on the page nicely so the oldies (me) can see it properly.
Hello Mr Don Two - Have you been living on a lighthouse? I have! Well... in the 1980's - a while ago.
I used to like writing rhyming verse and I was reminded of that' when I read yours' - so good to find one that is written with humor and unashamedly rhymes. Mind you, I don't know much about poetry and I can't comment on technicalities, but I know what I like
Refrain:
(O the egg upon my Garmin’s plastic face;
it positioned me in error yet with grace.
Was I receiving signals as she winked her eye...?
O the egg and whole wheat toast was mine to try.)
Perfegg! I'll have some too! ...Sometimes destiny shines bright on lonely folk;
pretty eyes, blonde hair and two unbroken yolk.
No errors detected and I was in a bad mood ~ but now I'm happy!
153 Words - a complete scenario with mystery and humour - like a chocolate biscuit with a cup of tea - gone in a delicious mouthful! Baby Dennis - he certainly is a handful - and a marriage wrecker to boot!
I found nought to complain of & have rated a 5 - why not? Short; Perfect!
Good Day, Aur Dawn I have chanced upon your lovely poem via the reviewing page, and I was curious. I am not good at poetry myself, but can appreciate others' work. I did indeed enjoy yours'! In-fact, it resonates so well, I will save it to favorites
I cannot comment on the technicalities of poem writing, as I have no expertise.
However, having said that, let me say this: 2:4:4:4:2 ... Looked neat and had a pleasing rhythm.
I liked the enigmatic and nuanced subject matter which provided added interest to the over-all effect of the poem.
Well done! In just 139 words you've told a complete story and one in which many of us who have used dating apps can well relate to, Odessa Molinari
I think I have met this character The rose had seen better days and so had he. That photo must have been at least twenty years old. Muscles had turned to moobs...
Appy Days indeed! Clever and expertly told. Loved it!
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