I can tell that you are a fine story teller in the way of famous fable writers in history: George Orwell and Aesop (of Aesop's Fables) - are two examples.
I think you may need help with Grammar and punctuation, together with sentence construction but that is a small matter. You are a very good fable story teller! Keep working at your craft.
Definition of a fable: a short story, typically with animals as characters, conveying a moral.
Fables are fiction.
Fables are short and have few characters.
Characters are often animals with human attributes. They have strengths and weaknesses and are in some sort of conflict.
"The Graceful Knitter" by Max Griffin 🏳️🌈 is not only a Christmas Story but a story of human nature and unfortunately, human nature doesn't seem to get better. The same monstrous traits in monsters remains... Ahh well... I enjoyed the magical ending very much and I'm glad it championed the best in human nature and the miracles which still happen!
I'm very glad for you, I checked to see how many contestants - that varies from day to day and there are a few regulars who often win and their stores are always spectacular! So ... Well done, You!
Good Evening Experiment Your story has a Buddhist flavour - a wonderful, philosophical attitude that many people would do well to heed.
... That fly has a life in which I was but a passerby.That fly, I am sure, forgot about me as soon as I left its vision. On to more important matters it went. That fly has a life in which I was but a passerby.
You're right to describe this short piece as both a short story and a poem.. it does seem to be both - lovely !
Hello Seoul Ahmed - I'll reply in the language in which you wrote your story
Hmnn .. খুব খারাপ ভিগনেট নয় - এটি একটি ডায়েরির মতো পড়ে এবং টিভি হাহাহাহ স্ক্রিপ্ট হিসাবে আরও ভাল কাজ করতে পারে। আমেরিকান লেখার ওয়েবসাইটে আপনি যে বাঙালি লিখেন তা আকর্ষণীয় ... আপনি কি এখানে অন্য কোনও লোককে চেনেন যারা এই ভাষাটি বলেন? আপনি কি ইংরেজিতে লিখতে পারেন
Hello again, rose34 We meet again, and as you've requested a review from me for your new writing, I appear before you like a Grammar Genie
This is a very different story than the Maharaja! Not as dramatic perhapss, but I think Charlie's character is reasonably developed - but could be more so, with some more personal descriptions of him.. to show his personality, so a reader can become more invested in him and therefore, the story and where it's headed.
Here is an example of some grammatical issues:bold and cross outs are my suggestions
There was a small window beside his bed, the window was slightly open which lets the cool air in, torelieving himself from the hot weather. All seemed good but still, Charlie didn't know what was the reason was, behind his restlessness...
I have sent a copy to you, throught the WDC email system with a corrections word doc on the whole piece. Bye for now
Hi there D.G. Ship This is certainly a story with currency! And where I come from (The State of Victoria, Australia) this has an horrible sense of reality. - We're in our 2nd lockdown!
I liked and enjoyed the story's arc - the tension building as the story progressed.
I'm also glad that, after the excellent build up that there was a very satisfying ending.
Good Evening QueenNormaJeanGreeneggs&vegham Congratulations on winning at "Daily Flash Fiction Challenge" yesterday! There is generally a left of centre take on the prompts, I've noticed.. the stories are always good but the winner seems always to have been someone who thought outside the box!
A very good twist at the end, too!
Nicely paced with a well defined character in Joey
Good Evening, tin I will email you a word doc, internally through WDC with some grammar and paragraphing suggestions. I thought that the piece was quite well written overall, however words like and or but should not start a sentence, on the whole. I've written a bit more about that in the word doc I'm about to send you. Cheers!
Well, Travellinda You surely know how to get into a pickle! "You're a better wo-man than I am, Gunga Din" (from the poem by Rudyard Kipling) ... in this case, more intrepid! I always go to a hairdresser
That was an entertaining read! I felt my heart start to beat faster as you described the following:
My hair was the color of Catalina salad dressing—bright orange with just a hint of pink!
I wish you had an accompanying photo! I really do Thankyou, you are an accomplished story teller and Welcome to WDC, by the way!
Good Evening 🌕 HuntersMoon I loved that story! It also resonated because I have a son by that name, who calls me Mama...
This story is a fabulous short' but I can really see that it could be developed, do you have any plans to do that? A really lovely - if sad- contemporary story - good for both adult and children to read, I think!
I'm not sure whether this is a mistake
Ben ran to her and crawled into her lap, his orange forgotten in [the?...] melee.
I respectfully suggest these slight changes, below:
The [upper] First Class train car was filled with chatter
Men solemly discussed about land and money while women chatted heartily about fasion and magazines.
I really do think your main character is interesting! ... self contained and happiest in his own company - but anxiety ridden and not comfortable at all when associating with others'. I hope you develop this character into a full story - I would also like to know what has made him that way.
You have a really engaging wriiting style, and I look forward to seeing more!
Hello Oddman WoW! It is a long time since I had the good fortune to come across a very succinct philosophy!
"Spend your thoughts for real living"
... I had to award this piece a 5 because it is so apt and especially in these times...
The accompanying photo is excellent and compliments your words so well.
Hello Everest M. Tetamo I think that the story has potential but I thought that, as the main protagonist was supposed to be unassuming and be not particularly noticable, her actions with the other girls would very quickly make her a target. So just some inconsistencies.. perhaps rethink the way she is going to be present - her persona .. is it going to be more subtle or is she really an 'out there' girl?
Everyone sought after the lead role in Terramore high's High's - (as it's the name of a place- a noun).
She was a stunning girl, with ebony hair [that] reached down to her ankles
I enjoyed the challenges that this story presented to me as a reviewer and if you want more feedback and direction with the story, I am most happy and ready to help
Hello Odessa Molinari - that's the shortest story I've read for a while from the "Daily Flash Fiction Challenge" - at a 112 words! It's perfect and a great achievement to get the surprise twist in, with so few words - (Much clapping and cheering from the crowd
Was this a true story of this artist? I could believe that it is some kind of anecdote...
8 Lines to tell a complete story - I am sure that you are a master at this, aren't you?
Bonjour Pepper My heart was in my mouth, as they say! I read Anne Frank's diary a couple of times as a young girl and similar stories and documentaries continue to fascinate me, as well as others'. I've also had ideas to write a story, myself on the topic, which never ceases to be moving.
Your short, flash fiction was intense and provided all the ingredients of a good story and a satisfying end. I breathed a sigh of relief, when Shmidt persuaded the guard'...
There were no errors or issues with the story and I enjoyed reading it. Congratulations on your win at "Daily Flash Fiction Challenge" on 29th of August 2019!!!
Hello jubshaw How wonderful to see a grandchild get to graduation and for you, to be part of his life's journey. It rhymes ~ and clearly displays your love and pride in your eldest grandchild. He has provided you with the rewards of joint family efforts and you are hopefully providing continuining mentorship and guidance. Thankyou for sharing and I hope he has a copy!
Typo Alert
But someday we hope we will still be here
Whenever you're faced with hard choices, my dear.
Your Haiku - "Mother" - is a technically perfect haiku with 17 syllables and a 5:7:5 / 3 line poem. I researched the question: what makes a haiku great - and found this piece of wisdom.
Haikus focus on a brief moment in time, juxtaposing two images, and creating a sudden sense of enlightenment.
Matsuo Basho (1644-1694) made about 1000 haiku poems through the lifetime, traveling around Japan. His writing “The Narrow Road to the Deep North ” is the most famous haiku collection in Japan
Your own haiku was a simple and elegant tribute which any reader with a wonderful mother could relate to and I think that anyone receiving your written salutation would feel proud and happy.
Hello SandraLynn Team Florent! I found your story in the "Daily Flash Fiction Challenge" - always a source of great stories for me to review I was immediately empathetic to your story of hiding in the bathroom to eat something in peace. I once took a boiled egg and toast into the bathroom to eat in peace, from the two, round-eyed infants I had.
I love these flash fiction vignettes ~ yours' sounded like a true story though...
No typos or grammar issues and the story arc was entertaining all the way to the end
"Noticing Newbies" Has been a feature of WDC for many years, and it provides a great function - and opportunity for both new writers and members, as well as for reviewers to sharpen their skills and experience.
As a writer I have never experienced such a great site with as many options and that includes the writing group in my own locality, that I belong to.
Writing.Com - such a simple and easy website to remember and yet, so much to explore and become involved with - it is truly an alternative universe! I cannot keep away from it and enjoy all my time on WDC.
Good Evening, once again, DurkaDoink Well! So you can tell a good tale!
Here, in 517 words you had me going, Mate! Monster! Indeed! What bass-ass is going to hurt this little boy! I'm in kill mode.. and then... well let this teaser be an incentive for other reviewers to go see!
A really entertaining Halloween story - and I Love Halloween!
There were a couple of little typos or grammar thingy's but nothing that detracted from the story and the great twist in the tale!
Good Day, Beholden - I did like your nicely crafted story, submitted to the competition "Daily Flash Fiction Challenge" In just 297 words you've created quite a mysterious story with the prisoner being an 'enemy shaman - a rainmaker' who's fate does not prevent him from bestowing his last 'gift'.
I also loved the accompanying picture, something that I've noticed you tend to do with all items in your port' - as do I.
No errors detected - An enjoyable read!
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ajburchell/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/13
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.32 seconds at 11:37pm on Apr 27, 2024 via server web2.