Welcome to WDC. I hope you will enjoy the time you spend here sharing your work with others. I know I've learned a lot over the past year. It's nice to find a safe place to grow in your craft.
Title:The title works with the beginning of our poem
Description: I was given this advice a lot as a newbie- and not too long ago as well. This is where you hook your reader. I think it's the hardest part to do. You pour your heart and soul into your writing, then a 90 character blurb. This blurb is the cherry on top. Pique your reader's curiosity so they'll want to click on your story.
Contents: Each person has their own demons, those we control each and every day. Your piece reminds the reader it is up to them whether they will be victorious or lay down and give up.
Thumbs up:Why did I let this monster grow inside of me>> showing that the narrator has the power to change things if they so desire.
Conventions:
Or am I somthing elese>> typo- else
and why did i let it feed on my soul?>> I instead of the little i, you could leave out the and making two questions.
Im bloody>> apostrophe- I'm
and t gives me strength.>> it
Lines 5-8 you could separate each of these compound sentences into separate lines, if you wished, it might give your words more power.
or
slightly changing- I stagger to my feet, and I grasp my blade.>> I stagger to my feet grasping my blade. Just random thoughts that hit me while I read.
Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.
Welcome to WDC. I hope you will enjoy the time you spend here sharing your work with others. I know I've learned a lot over the past year. It's nice to find a safe place to grow in your craft.
I can really see small children loving this, I wonder if you let them continue with the pattern what other animals the mouse and octopus might meet?
Title: Appropriate
Description: Works well, but I was given this advice a lot as a newbie- and not too long ago as well. This is where you hook your reader. I think it's the hardest part to do. You pour your heart and soul into your writing, then a 90 character blurb. This blurb is the cherry on top. Pique your reader's curiosity so they'll want to click on your story.
Contents: What a creative look between two very different animals. I love the flow and I can feel the meter as I read it. Wonderful job.
Thumbs up: Creating lyrics that any little one would love to sing.
There is a way to attach audio with your files here on WDC. You'll have to research it a little, I've listened to a couple of songs people created, but since I don't write music, I haven't checked into it.
Conventions:Straight at the bottom,>> straight at, or straight to the bottom? not a problem either way,
Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.
Welcome to WDC. I hope you will enjoy the time you spend here sharing your work with others. I know I've learned a lot over the past year. It's nice to find a safe place to grow in your craft.
Title: I like the way you've chosen a cheerful noun to title your dark poem. A little contrast- cool
Description: Works well with your poem.
Contents: Dark, depression filled, hopelessness that is palpable. You've written a powerful piece. The reader can feel the desperation in the narrator of this piece.
Thumbs up: I love how the words jump all over the page, almost like thoughts fragmented within the narrator. Excellent idea.
Conventions: No errors noted
Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.
Welcome to WDC. I hope you will enjoy the time you spend here sharing your work with others. I know I've learned a lot over the past year. It's nice to find a safe place to grow in your craft.
Title: excellent choice
Description: Your descripion works well for your piece.
I was given this advice a lot as a newbie- and not too long ago as well. This is where you hook your reader. I think it's the hardest part to do. You pour your heart and soul into your writing, then a 90 character blurb. This blurb is the cherry on top. Pique your reader's curiosity so they'll want to click on your story.
Contents: I think every person that had a special toy from their childhood would be able to relate to your piece. I know it brings back memories of my kids. My oldest son's was Justin- a Cabbage Patch doll. My youngest had "My Pet Monster" it was as big as he was for ages. I still have both of them and once in a while, when I long for yester year, I'll put all of their stuffed toys in and around the Christmas tree. They love the memories, and some they'd wish I'd lose.
Thumbs up: For realizing that you have a special link to your grandmother and that tie will serve you well.
Conventions: No errors were noted.
Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.
Welcome to WDC. I hope you will enjoy the time you spend here sharing your work with others. I know I've learned a lot over the past year. It's nice to find a safe place to grow in your craft.
Title: Works well with your senario
Description: I was given this advice a lot as a newbie- and not too long ago as well. This is where you hook your reader. I think it's the hardest part to do. You pour your heart and soul into your writing, then a 90 character blurb. This blurb is the cherry on top. Pique your reader's curiosity so they'll want to click on your story.
Contents: You've made this reader wonder, what was the man remembering. What did his face look like when those memories were conjoured up.
Thumbs up: This is a great start for a larger piece, will you take the challenge?
Conventions: Once in a while, I'm told be careful about passive verbs, so I'll share that advice with you. He was sitting in the chair watch> was is a passive verb.... possibly- He sat in the chair watching, or Watching, he sat in the chair. When I 'finish' with a piece, I go back and read it again making sure I use a more active verb, trying to avoid the verb family- to be.
Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.
Welcome to WDC. I hope you will enjoy the time you spend here sharing your work with others. I know I've learned a lot over the past year. It's nice to find a safe place to grow in your craft.
Title: Perfect fit, especially since the item is a letter.
Description: I think your description introduces the letter very well.
I was given this advice a lot as a newbie- and not too long ago as well. This is where you hook your reader. I think it's the hardest part to do. You pour your heart and soul into your writing, then a 90 character blurb. This blurb is the cherry on top. Pique your reader's curiosity so they'll want to click on your story.
Contents: I tend to visualize as I read, so I can easily see a young woman sitting and writing this lovely letter, as well as the young soldier opening it up and finding a quite, solitary place to read it. The note is informative and very similar to the notes that I wrote to my son when he was deployed, but my notes were sent via email.
Thumbs up: I loved the part where she tells about the movie. It makes me want to look it up.
Conventions: I didn't catch any errors, excellent write.
Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.
Welcome to WDC. I hope you will enjoy the time you spend here sharing your work with others. I know I've learned a lot over the past year. It's nice to find a safe place to grow in your craft.
Title: Interesting title
Description: the two words that describe your piece may turn some readers off. I was given this advice a lot as a newbie- and not too long ago as well. This is where you hook your reader. I think it's the hardest part to do. You pour your heart and soul into your writing, then a 90 character blurb. This blurb is the cherry on top. Pique your reader's curiosity so they'll want to click on your story.
Contents: Your piece is dark and powerful. Tormented and filled with pain that any reader should be able to relate to.
Thumbs up:I am a toy. Being tossed around by a little boy. Trampled on. Tossed around.>> A powerful metaphor, I know everyone can relate to being use and thrown out. This really adds power to your piece.
Conventions: Have you thought of writing this in lines like a poem? As free verse it works well, I think my curiosity is getting to me now.
I am a servant that lie in the dark, wet dungeon.>> lies
Why does he beat me. >> question mark
Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.
Welcome to WDC. I hope you will enjoy the time you spend here sharing your work with others. I know I've learned a lot over the past year. It's nice to find a safe place to grow in your craft.
Title: I like how you start the question, it gives the reader a glimmer of what is to come.
Description: I was given this advice a lot as a newbie- and not too long ago as well. This is where you hook your reader. I think it's the hardest part to do. You pour your heart and soul into your writing, then a 90 character blurb. This blurb is the cherry on top. Pique your reader's curiosity so they'll want to click on your story.
Contents: Oh my, what a powerful piece. The metaphors you've used create a visual drama unfolding before the readers eyes. I love how you incorporated the senses within this piece. The reader can feel the confusion, hopelessness within your work. Excellent read.
Thumbs up: Everything is empty of any conclusion,
everything is sorrow and sad delusion.
It’s not me anymore,
only a shadow of my crippled soul...>> brilliant and moving conclusion
Conventions: no errors noted
Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.
Title and Description: the title and description pique the readers interest
Contents: A riddle of sorts to ponder. It makes me think of Alice in the Looking Glass and the Cheshire cat.
Thumbs up: A short piece to make the reader think about the interaction between people, the veil of what the person wants us to see, and the person that really is
Conventions: veil
Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.
Amay
Description: intriguing, it makes the reader wonder what is going on
Contents: The poem's theme of not giving up no matter what the hardship, I'm going to perserver.
Conventions: I would suggest that you go back and read each line. I know that sometimes my fingers and my brain can't keep up with each other and I'll leave words out or change something that I really didn't want to say. Anyway, when you go back and slow yourself down and read what you've written you'll see mistakes that are easy to fix. Boy, I know I do.
Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.
Amay
Title and Description: Your title and description work well in letting the reader know what you've written about
Contents: The pattern of your poem is one of contrasts. Thinking about something you like and then a part of something similar or opposite is ususally the 'hate' part of a poem like this.
I think you've done really well, for a first attempt. It would be interesting to see if your opinions have changed over time.
Thumbs up:I like the blue moon (when I get some chocolate)>> Me too!
Conventions: none noted
Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.
Amay
Title and Description: I think everyone goes through dark periods, your title and description work well for your piece
Contents: I totally understand the theme of this revelation. I've walked the path for several months earlier this year. It effected my work, my home, my family. Knowing that that period was going to end, and something new coming up really helped me finish the school year.
Thumbs up: Touch that light one day and feel free>> you've given the reader hope
Conventions: nice use of action verbs, great descriptions, excellent read
Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.
Amay
Title and Description: It doesn't surprise me how your title and description go hand in hand. Some people with depression see death as the only way out
Contents: Eye opening. I've often wondered when my sister-in-laws medications were influx- how she would even contemplate suicide, the number of times she tried, my greatest fear for years was that she would succeed when the kids were at school and they would be the ones to find her. Now, all these years later, her daughters live with the burden that she didn't succeed, and they are trapped in that prison with her.
Thumbs up:explosion of awareness>> isn't that the way
Conventions: none noted
Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.
Amay
Happy WDC Anniversary!
Once again, I'm amazed by anyone wanting to try to pack a story in fifty-five words.
Title and Description: I don't know how, I've been told I'm concise, but I've never been able to see a story through in fifty- five words. That alone is enough to draw me in. I just have that "There's no way" feeling when I see those words.
Contents: So I'll open the fifty-five word challenges, just to prove myself wrong. You've captured so much energy and action into so few words. Amazing.
Thumbs up: The menacing oak shrieked, ”Screw you hippy!”>> nice twist!
Conventions: Just a minor question mark on this sentence >What is that sound I began to wonder, heavy breathing.
Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.
Amay
Title and Description work together to pique this reader's curiosity. I had an idea what might transpire but I just had to know.
Contents: Your poem builds with intensity with each and every line. I doubt that anyone reading it will ever look at "sex" in the same way.
Thumbs up: santifying me like holy water>> brings so many images to my mind.
Conventions: I wouldn't change a thing if you didn't want to, but isn't it > spread eagle?
Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.
Amay
How cool, I was just watching a show on National Geographic about obesity- part of it was about how Samuri's pack on pounds. I'd love to know how to unpack the pounds.
Title: works beautifully
Description: I wanted to read this because of your description- you tempted me, cool!
Contents: I realize that this was written long before the horrible events of this spring with Japan's earthquake and resulting tsunami, but how eerily foretelling of events that came to pass.
Thumbs up: You've created a beautiful description. I can't imagine what came in first.
Conventions: no errors noted
Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.
Amay
Description: Short and sweet, just as concise as the poem itself.
Contents: In so few words, you've packed a powerful poem that really packs quite a message. A sense of relationships ending and coming to terms with the aftermath, leaves this reader feeling empowered to move forward in so many area. You've captured that moment in time where realization takes place within the narrator. Excellent work.
Thumbs up: For your ability to pull together so much power in so few words.
Conventions: At the bottom I would put some information about this style of poem so that your readers will learn and expand their own poetry knowledge.
Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.
Amay
Welcome to WDC. I hope you will enjoy the time you spend here sharing your work with others. I know I've learned a lot over the past year. It's nice to find a safe place to grow in your craft.
Title: Works well with your list poem
Description: If someone said to you, I wrote this for a final... would you really want to read it? I remember having to write a story for a creative writing class ages ago. The only copy went into the blue book. What a shame, I would love to have a copy of it. My hand ached by the time I was through.
Contents: You've covered many points of what a writer is in your list. I would love to know how you did on your final. Just curious.
Thumbs up: a person who can make you feel
a person who can use words like paint>> there is your nutshell
Conventions:
Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.
Welcome to WDC. I hope you will enjoy the time you spend here sharing your work with others. I know I've learned a lot over the past year. It's nice to find a safe place to grow in your craft.
Title: Nicely titled, so many things in our daily lives are just that illusions, the reality we know, and the reality that we are in are often not the same.
Description: I was given this advice a lot as a newbie- and not too long ago as well. This is where you hook your reader. I think it's the hardest part to do. You pour your heart and soul into your writing, then a 90 character blurb. This blurb is the cherry on top. Pique your reader's curiosity so they'll want to click on your story.
Contents: Our daily lives are just an illusion of what we allow others to see of ourselves as well as what they choose to show us. Very insightful, even if you didn't start out to reveal so much.
Thumbs up:Our costume conceals everything.
Our secret self defines us. >> so very true
Conventions: I didn't notice anything.
Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.
Welcome to WDC. I hope you will enjoy the time you spend here sharing your work with others. I know I've learned a lot over the past year. It's nice to find a safe place to grow in your craft.
Title: fits your piece well
Description: Short and works well with your poem. I was given this advice a lot as a newbie- and not too long ago as well. This is where you hook your reader. I think it's the hardest part to do. You pour your heart and soul into your writing, then a 90 character blurb. This blurb is the cherry on top. Pique your reader's curiosity so they'll want to click on your story.
Contents: I love your poem. It reminds me of when I met my true love, and the hug that led to so much more
Thumbs up:Smiles erupting, hearts resounding. Embrace. >> memories of been there, done that. makes me smile even now
Conventions: This is your poem, my only suggestion would be read the first line without the first two words. Arms surrounding- becoming one, so astounding ? what do you think?
Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.
Welcome to WDC. I hope you will enjoy the time you spend here sharing your work with others. I know I've learned a lot over the past year. It's nice to find a safe place to grow in your craft.
Title: fits well with your story
Description: Your description is short and sweet. I was given this advice a lot as a newbie- and not too long ago as well. This is where you hook your reader. I think it's the hardest part to do. You pour your heart and soul into your writing, then a 90 character blurb. This blurb is the cherry on top. Pique your reader's curiosity so they'll want to click on your story.
Contents: A wonderful story of Hope. I totally get the klutziness of Kate. You've created a believable character that has had hard times with an unreasonable spouse. The frustration she feels in your story is very relate-able to many women. The child's coming to the rescue is a stroke of creativity that adds to your story's sweetness.
Thumbs up:"Owwchy, " the little girl said wrinkling her nose, "What's your name?" "I'm Kate." "Let me help you up Kate." The little girl reached out her hand.>>> I can just visualize this happening so clearly- beautiful
Conventions: no errors noted
Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.
Welcome to WDC. I hope you will enjoy the time you spend here sharing your work with others. I know I've learned a lot over the past year. It's nice to find a safe place to grow in your craft.
Title: The best friend >> but in your poem is this person really the best friend? maybe add a question mark to the end of the title, leaving room for the reader to see where you're going with your piece.
Description: I was given this advice a lot as a newbie- and not too long ago as well. This is where you hook your reader. I think it's the hardest part to do. You pour your heart and soul into your writing, then a 90 character blurb. This blurb is the cherry on top. Pique your reader's curiosity so they'll want to click on your story.
Contents: Lesson of a friend that might not realize what a true friend is. The meaning of your poem is clear, some of the lines left me with questions (you'll see below)
Thumbs up: A friends success now I know,
is more important than his friendship though.>> the eyes are open to what is truly important
Conventions:
who behaved me so fine--- what does this mean?
he thaught that he was briliant ;>> typos-- thought, brilliant
Seeking the highest total in notes ?? what does this mean?
A friends success now I know, >>friend's
Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.
Welcome to WDC. I hope you will enjoy the time you spend here sharing your work with others. I know I've learned a lot over the past year. It's nice to find a safe place to grow in your craft.
Title: works well with your piece
Description: I was given this advice a lot as a newbie- and not too long ago as well. This is where you hook your reader. I think it's the hardest part to do. You pour your heart and soul into your writing, then a 90 character blurb. This blurb is the cherry on top. Pique your reader's curiosity so they'll want to click on your story.
Contents: Free from the ties that bind, you've captured the eruption from statis to being free through a variety of metaphors
Thumbs up: Dry tears flow from my eyes
Burning my porcelain skin
Conventions: no errors noted.
Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.
Welcome to WDC. I hope you will enjoy the time you spend here sharing your work with others. I know I've learned a lot over the past year. It's nice to find a safe place to grow in your craft.
Title:aptly titled
Description: Nicely done
Contents: You've composed an interesting arguement with yourself. I can easily see this a something written by a mother to a distressed child as well. It is a confirmation of our purpose and fulfilling our destiny. Nicely written
Thumbs up: May He guide you to be a better person; for every saint has a past and every sinner has a future... to me, in my journey in life, I think this is the most powerful line. Intensely revealing and introspective
Conventions: none noted
Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.
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