This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance (and because you bribed me, but I won't let that influence me. Now, if you'd offered brownies...) I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.
In general, I liked it. You did well showing what was going on inside Oliva's head, and then how Mark tried to be stoic but was sometimes overcome with fear.
I guess I am not entirely sure what you'd like to have happen with this (publication vs sharing for free vs putting in a larger work). The poetry works
What I liked most
I especially liked the ranting about the unfairness of losing Gary. Very well done and poignant. I also liked the dialogue between Olivia and her massage client, Janet, which added a bit of much needed levity by that point. My favorite bit was:
"Olivia, I gotta tell someone this or I'm goin burst!"
"Well, sweetie, you are laying down and mostly undressed so I think it better be me."
My general suggestions
I would read through it all aloud, and make notes to yourself anywhere you stumble, even slightly. That can be a good indicator that something might be better smoothed out.
The first section started out in 3rd person present tense (i.e., "Olivia loves", "She decorates"), which is awkward and stilted, and then switched to 3rd person past tense ("He came to eat", "Olivia believed"), which works much better. Be sure to be consistent throughout. The only except is the last paragraph, where it might make sense to switch to present tense the way you do.
"swirling in shades of brunt burnt orange"
The following could use a little editing. Between the feminine pronouns, it sounds possible that Kathleen is pregnant by Kathleen's brother, John, while I'm fairly sure you mean Susan's brother -> "Her partner, Kathleen, was pregnant. This was thanks to a turkey baster and her brother, John."
A judgment call, but I'd suggest "She watched him closely and his aura was seemed fainter."
This is good, though a little rough. Be careful with tenses and transitions between one person and another. Definitely seems worth polishing and making even better.