Very nicely done, good rhythm until the last line it is just off a little. Loved the color image and the lines: The setting sun's last shout. Then gentle moom puts sun to sleep.
First thank your for your review of my poem "Where do Shadows Go?"
Now your poem, very sweet look through the eyes of a child and it's mother. I loved the dialog especially critisizing the mother for looking awful at 2:00 am then asking it could be because of me!!! The pace of the poem is fast and bubbly only had a few bumps along the way when I was reading it. Very fun and I enjoyed.
A nice lesson is given in the poem, "listen to your inner self" This stanza was the truest for me:
for deep down inside
is where it does matter
For if it won't bend
Then it will shatter
We all need to bend a little in life and work with others.
Quite a thought provoking poem of chances not taken. Unfortunatley I saw myself written in your lines.Being one of the timid souls, this struck me hard. Too often I have left things on the side of the road for fear of failure. Your poem made me not want to be the "sprit burried in the shabby robes of regret".
Life is a gamble, we never know what is around the next bend we can only keep going and hope that the choices we made will all works out in the end. I usually have trouble with poems that don't have a rhyming scheme,but your poem had an easy subject and was easy to follow what the storyline was trying to say to the reader.
This is a very lovely tribute to a man who brought joy, love, fun and understanding to his family and friends. What a lovely piece and "George" would be very proud to have been the subject of this poem. There is a lot of heartfelt words. The style of this poem is simple, some of the rhythm, was a little sing song, but the message was so loving for a well loved family member.
I liked your poem more as it progessed. I would suggest making line distinctions so that the rhythm flows more evenly. I especially liked your last stanza:
"When I give roses to convey
Words that I neglected to say.
Roses speak with an elegant style
To open a door and bring a smile
The perfect present as anyone knows
For one who is as lovely as a rose"
I think it really sums up your whole poem.
Nice uplifting words to you poem. I especiall like:
There's so much that I can say and do
I dream and such, the day is true
I believe in me, I believe in you
Keep up the positive work.
Oh what a great little poem about the way the sexes view gift giving. It was a quick and easy tale to read and I chuckled at a few of the lines:
I thought you might like this, oh love of my life",
On the card with the lawn mower, he wrote!
Your "revenge" was inventive!!
This was a cute idea and coming from New England it gave me a chuckle to think of "icy road warnings" in Las Vegas. Some of the lines rhymed very well, but, the rhythm was not always consistant. But, I still enjoyed your work.
I found it a little hard to find the exact rhythm of this poem, that being said I did love the story it told. What a nice tribute to your daughter, you tell of the worries, concerns and joy of the time you had waiting for her to come along. I especially liked these two lines:
thought to my self “She’ll be my world”
"I think I will name her, my heart…Charity."
Hope she is "your world" keep writting words of love.
I could see teaching this poem to a group of pre-schoolers or kids in kidergarten as it makes you want to take part in the words being said. I could visualize little ones getting up and "booging" to your poem. Very cute.
Just adorable. I could just sooo relate to your poem, I too rhyme all my peoms it is the only way I can seem to write. I chuckled at a few of your lines: Okay, wash up then, and think as you scrub
Think while you're jogging, think in the tub.
Your poem made me think of me!!!
A nice poem of hope and encouragement. I liked these two lines the best: The worth of people is not making stands
Or doing whatever the situation demands.
Keep writing words of hope we all need them.
What a beatiful story you weave. I loved the spirit and hope of the little girl being left out in the cold by others because she was diffrent and then being singled out with a nice surprize in the end. What a delightful read. Very nicely done.
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