I enjoy my cat and like to watch her antics around the house. Your poem brought to mind many of the days spent playing and observing "Lady". I like how you started the poem with them being young and frisky and the last stanza showing how they will evolve. Nice.
This is just a great poem for children, be it a Halloween poem or not. Very good rhythm thougout, and the rhymes are spot on. Love how "brave" the writer is until the last line, then, it better to be safe instead of sorry. Just loved it.
Loved the first three lines, the last line seems off. Just find a better line for the ending and this is a nice little poem. It has good rhythm and the reader can picture the tiger very well waiting to pounce!
I liked the gentle feeling of this poem. I liked the second stanza, it makes the "dirt" a partner in your life, but, the poem feels unfinished. It leaves me wanting more, (sometimes that's a good thing). You mention in your first stanza that "the dirt has stories to tell" I want to hear them!!
I liked it. Your choice of words kept me interested , there was enough discription of how the lady looked to get a good idea, but not too discriptive that I became bored while reading. Your naritive flowed easily along and made me feel like I was sitting on the sideline as the observer of this dance, and I wanted to see how the "lady" would make out. Nice done.
Loved, loved, loved, the second poem of your repitoire. It realyl hit a spot in me. The first poem was good, and had some great lines, but, my heart really went to the second poem. The rythm was right there and the words just seems to flow. Very cute, really liked these lines: But, sigh, money doesn’t grow on trees,
And twenties don’t fall like autumn leaves.
This is a nice simple "prayer like" poem for children. The rhythm in the first stanza made me stumble just a little
with the last line, the other paragraphs work well, the count seems off in the last line of the first stanza.
Other than that, this is a sweet poem for children.
Ok, you had me going until the last line, then I laughed right out loud. I too always want a perfect five. Your poem had quick and easy rhythm the rymes worked very nicely. I LOVE that you asked for a write in of 8 I (being my humble self) would have asked for a 10, but, that would have thrown your rhyming scheme off and I would have had to take points off, so 8 it is!!!
You had me fooled, I pictured a much smaller hunter, something along the lines of a lion or tiger, never quessed a T-Rex. I like that you had the T-Rex interested only in the here and now, not in the yet-to-come. He knows he is mighty and fears no one and nothing :
"I do not know who in the world,
Is mightier than me"
Beautifully writen, the pace never faulters, it is written with almost a a "marching pace" rhythm to it. The words have a lovely quality to them even though they are telling of a tragic event. A nicely presented piece.
Nice little twisst on this piece. I liked the rhythm it was almost "Dr. Suess" like which made it more whimsicle and that works well with your poem. I think in the third stanza I would use : "opened" it may read better, just a suggestion. Enjoyed this piece and hope to see more.
Just loved it. Too cute. Haven't we all been there and done that. The rhythm was spot on and the rhymes worked very well with the structure of this piece. Your second stanza is my favorite as all the lines just are so true and funny to boot.
Nicely done.
The poem tells a lovely, sad story. The rhythm is a little shakey, not as smooth when each line is read outloud, the reader stumbles a bit trying to find it. These are my favorite lines they are bitter sweet:
"Her arms move like silk; her hair spiraling free.
For once, she’s dances for herself, not for others to see."
Quite a lively poem, loved the rhythm you chose . The piece had a self-deprcating flair to it and I found that it made the poem more charming it worked well with the theme and I enjoyed your play on words :Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder! I have read some other works by you and have enjoyed your variety.
The theme of this piece was a nice trip down memory lane. I did get a little lost with the rhythm, it didn't seem consistant to me and some of the rhymes seemed a little forced for example :
24 inches of 18 karats hanging around my wet nape
Big collared shirt half unbuttoned underneath of my cape
I did bring back some nice memories of the eighties and I also liked the carefree feeling this poem gave me. I found your last stanza all too true in my own life right now and it gave me a chuckle.
This was such a pretty poem. Your title caught my eye as I am a butterfly lover. Your rhythm was easy and flowed along beautifully, like the girl you write about in your poem. The rhymes were unforced and worked well with the theme of this piece. You tell your reader that few are allowed into your heart as you want to protect it, but, then this beautiful "butterfly" passes your way and you tell your heart to take a chance that you won't perish, maybe bend a little but, it is a price worth paying. Just lovely.
Nice poem of hope and love of country in this piece. I liked you opening lines they set the pace of this poem and the pace is an easy almost drifting rhythm that makes the reader feel the flag drap along as you read.
Loved it. Your style of poetry is easy to the reader and the rhymes fit very well with the story being told, they did not seemed forced just to have something rhyme.
I like the message of this poem very much as it is not a boastful message, but, one of pride! Your poem says "I am me and proud of it." If we were all the same what a very boring world this would be to live in. Realy what is "normal" one man's normal may be another's "weird". I love these lines the best as I think they sum up your whole poem beautifully:
But when I signed the contract of life,
Being normal was not required.
This poem tells a lesson, we never know how we affect other people around us.
I'm not quite sure of the style of poetry you were trying for, each stazna seems to be diffrent. I like that it tells a story and has a moral at the end. The beginning starts out feeling a little hopeless, but, the ending changes the readers perception.
Your poems are filled with deep meaning and come from the heart. Once again this tells a story and the man asks why someone he loved so much must be taken from him so early in life. But God has explained that we all have a reason in life, we may not see it, or understand his reasons for doing something, but, there is a reason. The only critique I would have of this piece is the stanzas do not all follow the same rhythm pattern and as the reader it is a little hard to read, but, certainly not hard to follow. If you have a chance you may want to check out another poem by me: Does Anybody Care it has a similar topic.
I could picture "Ole Man Smyrl" sitting in that saloon at the card table. The way this is written I can almost "hear" a snarl in your voice as you discribe what is happening in this poem. The main charactor takes no Sh-- from anyone.
This stanza was my favorit:
Boot Hill holds many a soul,
Ole Man Smyrl did in,
'Cause he didn't abide cheatin',
'Specially on him.
The poem tells a story and has moral lesson in there as well. I could picture the two charactors speaking and could see where the outcome of the poem lead. The rhyming scheme was difficult for me to read as the lines that rhymed did not end the sentence, the sentence actually ened as the beginning the the next line and I found that hard when reading this poem. The author seems to be working too hard to fit rhyming words into it for a poem. This poem may work better as a short story, it has potential.
I loved just the "good 'ole" feeling this poem gave me as I read along. I could picture each stanza and being a city gal, I could still get a great image of a cowboys life. The rhthym was pretty good, it kind of bounced along which made the reader feel like they were out on the range, the only problem I had was with the rhyming scheme, I'm not sure what formular was being used and it made it a little difficult to read, but, all in all I did enjoy the ride.
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