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Public Reviews
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Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi NickiD89 . Here is my review on "WDC Survivor Challenge -- 2011"  [13+]. Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions. *Laugh*

FIRST IMPRESSION: Fun activity presented in an attractive and pleasing manner.*Gift1*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: The challenges theme will really drive the action here! You have made excellent use of writing m/l and color. The graphics used are very nicely done! *Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

SUGGESTIONS: Nothing I could say could top what is done here! You have done an amazing job! *Check5*

CLOSING COMMENTS: Very well done! Great job!*Star*

WRITE ON!

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!

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Review of Fools Gold  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi, RockeyHarley I'm reviewing your story "Fools Gold"  [13+] as a part of my judging process for ""Invalid Item"  . Since I am only one of the judges, this review has no bearing on where your piece places in the contest. It's just my own thoughts and suggestions with regard to your story. I hope you find some of it helpful.*Bigsmile*

FIRST IMPRESSION: A well-plotted story with good use of the given prompt. The story held my attention well enough and was very entertaining. You have really believable characters and the story progresses nicely. It is a high adventure and I picture Rik Raid kind of as a mideval Indiana Jones of a sort! I think he would make a good character for serialized series of stories. I had a good time reading it! *Gift1*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: It was interesting that the evil unicorn was actually an evil wizard under a spell cast by the mermaids. This was very creative and gives the story a good twist. Well done! *Thumbsup*

PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: Your plotting proceeds from a good introduction to a satisfying conclusion.

SPELLING: While there were no spelling errors there were words used in the wrong sense at one point you said "do to" when it should have been "due to . . ."

Toward the beginning of the story you wrote: "He is traversed in the ways of healing . . ." The word traversed deals with travel. This would have been better with the word "versed."*Check5*

GRAMMAR: There were multiple capitalization errors and use of commas where there should have been a period and a new sentence started. There were also places where paragraph breaks were needed. Many proper names such as Rover Town and Elders Sea were not capitalized throughout the story. *Check5*

SNAGS THAT INTERRUPTED THE FLOW OF THE STORY: As mentioned above your story is actually an enjoyable story but there are so very many little things that simply could have been avoided by proofreading.

If I might suggest, when you write something, many times you are the most invested with what you have done immediately when finished. And I know it is exciting to post it to your port and put it in the contest. But when you finish writing put it down. Go do something else for a few hours, or even a day. Come back to it later and you will be more objective about your work. You will better see the errors and probably make several improvements to the story in the process. *Check5*

STRUCTURE/MECHANICS: Good use of prompt. Maximum 2000 word count was exceeded.

Near the end of your story after Azazel has been defeated the mermaid, almost as an aside, suddenly feels the need to introduce herself and give her name. This would have been better accomplished somewhere nearer where she is introduced to the story.*Check5*

SUGGESTIONS: I cannot emphasize enough proofreading. This would have been a much better story had there not been mistakes that were just, frankly, distracting. *Check5*

CLOSING COMMENTS: It is not my intention to offended you in any way with my frank discussion. My intention is to help you with your writing by offereing honest, objective, and sincere advice and for BOTH of us to have some fun in the process. I want to see you succeed! With just a little extra effort this could be a fine story. I believe you do have skill and a good imagination.

I recognize that learning is a give and take process and I welcome you to further discuss with me any points about your story that you wish.

Again, I like the plot and Rik Raid has great potential as possibly even a serialized character. The story is really a good story and it deserves a better presentation. *Star*

Lastly, my word is not the final word on where you place in the contest. That is a combined decision between myself and the other two judges.

WRITE ON!

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It is your story, your vision and you do know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!

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Review of My Mother  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Clever, amusing, and heart felt! These are the words that come to mind to describe this wonderful ditty! There is a great message and a lot of emotion in this packed little jewel! No wasted words here, every one has a job to do and gets its job done. You have not only memorialized your mother here but you have given us a glimpse of her as well. She must have had a wonderful sense of humore as yours is evident here. There are no snags. The title is appropriate. The piece flows with a wonderful cadence. Thanks so much for sharing.
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Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Maryann - House Martell . Here is my review on "My Mother the Star"  [ASR]. Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions. *Laugh*

FIRST IMPRESSION: A most enjoyable story that reads much like a memoir. *Gift1*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: I especially enjoyed how this young lady was able to recognize all of the various ways her mother strives to make her life better.*Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: This is a "slice of life" kind of plot but it has all the main ingredients for a great story.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: There is good identification of the lead character as you learn of her background and her life as it is. There are some of her hopes for the future and things she is looking forward to in her near future.

SPELLING: No issues identified. *Check5*

GRAMMAR: No issues identified. *Check5*

SNAGS THAT INTERRUPTED THE FLOW OF THE STORY: None apparent. *Check5*

STRUCTURE/MECHANICS: Structure is good. This is a fictional story that has a ring of truth to it. This really could have, and no doubt did, happen. *Check5*

SUGGESTIONS: I wouldn't change a thing. This story is complete as it is. The first person telling makes it charming and gives it a believable quality.*Check5*

CLOSING COMMENTS: This story is nicely done. Wouldn't change a thing.*Star*

WRITE ON!

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!

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Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Hi Andrea . Here is my review on
 Whatever Happened to Goldilocks?  (13+)
Not suitable for children... what happened a year later
#261064 by Andrea
. Please keep in mind that the comments
and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions.*Laugh*

FIRST IMPRESSION: A wonderful adult fairy tale! Very imaginative telling of the aftermath of the children's fairy tale.*Gift1*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: I particularly enjoyed the point of view of the beurocratic fallout from the original story. *Thumbsup*

PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: The plot works very well. There are no gaps and no loose ends. The story flows well from start to finish.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Each of the characters are well defined and accomplish their purpose within the story. Several creative liberties were taken with the characters. Mamma bear could easily have been your average suburban housewife. The beurocratic gentleman from Child Protective Services was very well defined including his "politically correct" handling of his agenda.

SPELLING: No problems.*Check5*

GRAMMAR: No problems.*Check5*

SNAGS THAT INTERRUPTED THE FLOW OF THE STORY: None.*Check5*

SUGGESTIONS: WRITE ON!*Note2*


CLOSING COMMENTS: Keep writing! All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's super!

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Review of Georgie Flies  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi CeruleanSon Here is my review on
Georgie Flies  (ASR)
A boy buys a dream, for only a quarter.
#1611233 by CeruleanSon
. Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions. *Laugh*

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a wonderful story and it truly touched my heart in so many ways. *Gift1*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: You had a marvelous way of showing how time passed as a little boy in the market, as a middle aged man whose marriage had gone bad, and as an elderly gentleman facing the end of life. I love how you handled each of these! GREAT JOB! *Thumbsup*

PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: Excellently and masterfully done. Your beginning, middle and end were naturally handled, seemlessly, and flawlessly.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Each character, Georgie, the mother, the dragon, and the son had exactly what they needed.

SHOW VERSUS TELL: As mentioned above, great job on showing us the various ways in which time passes, or doesn't. Interesting how you showed us how the dragon would play in and made a nice twist at the end. Although, never thought I would meet a dragon at the end of life's journey!

SPELLING: No problems here!*Check5*

GRAMMAR: No problems here either!*Check5*

SNAGS THAT INTERRUPTED THE FLOW OF THE STORY: Absolutely none.

STRUCTURE/MECHANICS: Nicely structured we get three snapshots from a lifetime of experiences that give us a feel for his life as a whole and it offered a complete picture when put together as a whole. *BalloonB*

SUGGESTIONS: Keep writing. You've done a great job here! *Note2*

CLOSING COMMENTS: WRITE ON! *Star*

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's super!

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Review of A fork  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
General Disclaimer: This review reflects my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find this review helpful.

Hello Kalos Kagathos . Good day to you.

I am reviewing your poem
 A fork  (E)
Moving on. Rhyme scheme: abcd bcda cdab dabc
#1768574 by Kalos Kagathos


Title: A Fork -- A simple title, or so it would seem. Actually the title like the rest of the poem says much.

Imagery: You have created a portrait of contrasts and metaphors.

Flow/Rhythm: The poem flows generally well.

Metaphor/Personification/Simile: You are contrasting various aspects of life and choices made. Three distinct types of people are offered choices here. The question is will they accept the status quo, or will they change?

Tone: The tone and constuction seems to me to be an "old style." This could have been written at some time in the past. But we know it wasn't. There is also old wisdom here.

Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation: I think your word choices and punctuation work quite well and I detected no problems with spelling.

I especially like the following lines:
And ye mule-headed who will your vile passion feed,
Shall ye not listen to the voice of reason,
And hence by travail make your condition more fair?

Overall:
Well penned and a much enjoyed read. Write on!
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Review of dragon kingdom  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi E . Here is my review on
 dragon kingdom  (E)
diapered super speedy dragon's adventures
#1769158 by E
. Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions. *Laugh*

FIRST IMPRESSION: I liked your story and had fun reading it. It's a good story and it can be better if you work on it a little bit! *Gift1*


WHAT I LIKED MOST: I do actually like dragons quite a bit. *Thumbsup*

SPELLING & GRAMMAR: Be careful to always read over what you want others to read and see if you can pick out your spelling errors and anything that needs attention like using a capital letter to start a sentence or dividing it up into separate sentences and paragraphs. *Check5*

SUGGESTIONS: Try to work on it some more to make it an even better story. Read it out loud and see how it sounds to you! *Note2*

CLOSING COMMENTS: If you would like me to read your story again after you work on it some more please send me a message and I'd be happy to do that for you! *Star*

Keep writing! Work hard and you will be good at it!

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's super!

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Review of My World  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
General Disclaimer: This review reflects my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find this review helpful.

Hello sorrell . Welcome to WDC! Good day to you.

I am reviewing your poem
 My World  (E)
Started off as thoughts in class then turned into something else.
#1768519 by sorrell


Title: My World: Your title is well chosen and appropriate to the body of work it represents.

Form/Style: I'm not well educated in poetry forms but I do note that this is a kind of free-style work, or at least it appears that way to me.

Imagery: Now here is where you have done some good work. You have given us images and descriptions that communicate a kind of emptiness that the narrator feels is his or her world. On top of that there is the who "can you feel the trembling" thing. Here you have engaged not only our sight but our sense of touch as well.

Flow/Rhythm: This flows well and there is a pattern of sorts. There is a question and answer but the answers are provided for the reader.

Metaphor/Personification/Simile: The narrator feels the reader is capable of understanding where they are "coming from." The narrator I think feels trapped somehow in their world.

Tone: You have set up your tone in a way that it effectively communicates the frustration and emptiness felt.

Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation: Good word choices, nice construction, and no problems with spelling or punctuation.

I especially like the following lines:

Taking one step at a time,
I strive for the sun to be high,
And my world to be… different.

This shows us that the narrator is beginning to realize hope and this brings a nice resolution to the reader.

Overall: Well done, well penned, and a much enjoyed read. Write on!
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Review of To Your Word  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
General Disclaimer: This review reflects my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find this review helpful.

Hello poemobsession . Good day to you. Welcome to WDC!

I am reviewing your poem
 To Your Word  (E)
This poem was written when I was coming out of a depression.
#1768504 by poemobsession


Title: To Your Word -- The title is descriptive of what is to follow and tells us what to expect from what we read. I believe your title is very appropriate and well chosen.

Form/Style: There is a pattern here where you ask a question and an answer follows. This works well in the context you have chosen.

Imagery: Not really a descriptive piece, more emotional, spiritual, and a search for meaning.

Flow/Rhythm: Your work flows well from beginning to ending and has a nice rhythm.

Metaphor/Personification/Simile: Now here is where you did your best work. You have set a nice tension of a person who is searching for meaning and a solution to the emptiness they sensed in their life and you brought a nice resolution to the tension.

Tone: The tone is consistent from beginning to end and communicates well the frustration of the narrator.

Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation: Your words are very well chosen and communicate with emotion from the heart.

I especially like the following lines:
I will turn to you,
I will turn to your word.
I can find the answers,
and the truth in your word.

After all, this is where the real answers are. This is where we find the solutions to the frustrations of life!

Overall: Very nicely done, well penned, and a much enjoyed read. Write on!
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Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
General Disclaimer: This review reflects my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find this review helpful.

Hello Shiningthrupain . Good day to you.

I am reviewing your poem
 The Gift of the Cross  (E)
A poem about Jesus, and the cross
#1768539 by Shiningthrupain


Title: The Gift of the Cross

Imagery: While this is not necessarily a descriptive piece, it is full of images we Christians are all too familiar with. Roman crucifixion was a horribly painful death and there was much abuse endured leading up to and through this tortuous death.

Flow/Rhythm: There is a smooth rhythmic flow, very nice.

Metaphor/Personification/Simile: Now here is where you really did your work. You put yourself in the shoes of the abusers/executioners and assumed the responsibility for Christ's suffering.

Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation: I believe you have carefully chosen your words and the way the story of the crucifixion is told here.

I especially like the following lines:
Three days, later You rose,
You, my Jesus, conquered the grave,
so that someday, I can be saved.

Overall: This is a strongly emotional work that clearly comes from the heart, through the pen, and onto the page. Very nicely done! Well penned and a much enjoyed read. Write on!
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Review of The Puppeteer  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
General Disclaimer: This review reflects my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find this review helpful.

Hello Tricia Kushen . Good day to you.

I am reviewing your poem
 The Puppeteer  (E)
for your own interpretation....I know what I wrote it about...
#1766055 by Tricia Kushen


Title: The puppeteer.

Imagery: You have done a nice job here. You have a nice setting and tell a story.

Flow/Rhythm: Your poem flows nicely from beginning to end and has a good cadence.

Metaphor/Personification/Simile: There is a lot of story here that is unsaid and I like that a lot. I also like that in order to truly "get" this the reader must think. I did enjoy the fact that the answer he was looking for all his life was waiting for him in his garden. There is a lot of meaning there.

Tone: The story is told with a certain tension that shows the frustration the puppeteer was feeling with his life and this was well done.

Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation: No problems here.

Overall:
Well penned and a much enjoyed read. Write on! And Welcome to WDC!
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Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Interesting and informative. You present this valuable information in a logical and appealing manner. You make good use of formatting throughout the article and you come across as a friend sharing needed information with another firend. I have already taken steps to do some of this. This is nicely done! Great job! Write on!
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Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Angelica- House Florent B & W . Here is my review on
The Fox and the Raccoon series  (ASR)
Written in Creative writing class(2009). A fox and raccoon are friends. First draft
#1744158 by Angelica- House Florent B & W
. *Laugh*Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions.

FIRST IMPRESSION: Its a nice story with friendship and coming of age in the animal kingdom.*Gift1*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: I like that it is a practical story and grounded in realism.*Thumbsup*

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Characterization is fairly well done.

SPELLING: At least one misspelled word, see GRAMMAR below.*Check5*

GRAMMAR: In your intro a "fox and racoon is friends." There are a couple of minor problems and proofreading would help. In the 4th line of the 1st paragraph "up i the air." *Check5*

STRUCTURE/MECHANICS: Pretty good structurally. A little brief. Might like to have spent a little more time with these rascals. *BalloonB*

SUGGESTIONS: Take a look at some of your adjectives and consider revising. A Category 1 storm does quite a bit more than just "pop" up. Revision of that word would make the story better and give a more powerful visual. *Note2*

CLOSING COMMENTS: Write on! All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's super!

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Review of Static  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Senita and welcome to WDC! I am tYpO/T.Boilerman and I will be your reviewer today! An interesting and metaphorical glimpse here. I'm assuming the "frequency" is some sort of a quality life? The missing wire, or loose thread is a nice touch. One little thing out of place. As this is not exactly a story I will not comment on plot, structure, or characterization as such but your central character is well placed. There is a spelling error in the fourth line the first word "wil." Still it was a nice read.
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Review of Shudder Extract  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Jenny Here is my review on
 Shudder Extract  (E)
walking in the dark...
#1764295 by Jenny
. *Laugh*Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions.

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a great beginning for a larger story, and you should tell it! There is a nice fantasy feel to this and a classic damsel in distress!*Gift1*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: There is great pacing! I know its small but it really grabs at you and moves fast to the end!*Thumbsup*

PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: While there is a nice story here you left a hook at the end that leaves the reader wanting more. This is a nice device for perhaps a teaser to a bigger story.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Both characters are well identified for the purposes of this short piece.

SPELLING: No problems identified.*Check5*

GRAMMAR: No problems identified.*Check5*

SUGGESTIONS: Please go forward and tell the rest of the story! I know it will be a good one!*Note2*

CLOSING COMMENTS: If you would like me to review/rate your story again after an edit, please send me a message. I'd be happy to do so.

WRITE ON! AND WELCOME TO WDC!

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's super!

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Review of Wendy's  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi laure0215 Here is my review on
 Wendy's  (E)
Work experience.
#1759447 by laure0215
. *Laugh* Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions.

FIRST IMPRESSION: An interesting and informative look into the life of an individual who is struggling and frustrated with their first employment experience.*Gift1*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: I really liked the honest and frank way the information is presented. It is very straightforward in its approach.*Thumbsup*

PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: Not really a story; more of a blog entry or editorial.

SPELLING: There are a few spelling problems but a simple proof reading should identify those for you.*Check5*

GRAMMAR: Again, proof reading should help you with this.*Check5*

SUGGESTIONS: Divide into paragraphs it would make a more pleasing presentation and easier and more appealing for the reader.*Note2*

CLOSING COMMENTS: All in all it was a nice presentation presented in a logical manner. Give yourself a big hug! You did good!*Star*

WRITE ON! AND WELCOME TO WDC!

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's super!

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Review of She Smiles...  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
{font:comicHi Madison Here is my review on
She Smiles...  (E)
This explains what is behind the smile.
#1759383 by Madison
.*Laugh* Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions.

FIRST IMPRESSION: There is a lot of feeling and emotion packed into this little piece. *Gift1*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: You were able to skillfully show the reader what the character is feeling.*Thumbsup*

SPELLING: No problems here.*Check5*

GRAMMAR: No problems here.*Check5*

SNAGS THAT INTERRUPTED THE FLOW: It flows nicely from beginning to end.

CLOSING COMMENTS: I really enjoyed reading this and did read it several times. Looking forward to reading more of your work in the future!*Star*

WRITE ON! AND WELCOME TO WDC!

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your poem and vision. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's super!

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Review of Perfect  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi outloudgirl Here is my review *Laugh* on
 Perfect  (E)
Cali has cancer. She will not let it stop her no matter what.
#1759224 by outloudgirl
. Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions.

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a fascinating peek into a very intimate moment with this character. I can identify with her feelings and what she is trying to accomplish. She just wants "normal" for as long as possible.
*Gift1*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: I really liked the emotion of the piece. I like the tension and the things not communicated by the words alone. *Thumbsup*

PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: Though brief there is a story here with a beginning, middle, and ending. There is a satisfying resolution.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: I completely get and accept your character and what she wants from her life.

SPELLING: No problems identified. *Check5*

GRAMMAR: No problems identified. *Check5*

STRUCTURE/MECHANICS: It's a bit brief. Would love to see some more. *BalloonB*

SUGGESTIONS: On your parting note I would love to see the character interact with someone in a satifactory way both to her and to the reader. Have a boyfriend drive her to school and tell her how nice she looks or some other thing along that line. *Note2*

CLOSING COMMENTS: If you would like me to review/rate your story again after an edit, please send me a message. I'd be happy to do so.

Keep writing!

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's super!
WRITE ON! AND WELCOME TO WDC!

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Review of The Temple Lobby  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Abeyan . Here is my review *Laugh* on
 The Temple Lobby  (13+)
Writing from looking at my kitchen tile this morning. Enjoy.
#1758508 by Abeyan
. Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions.

FIRST IMPRESSION: Interesting but brief piece. *Gift1*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: You have your setting down fairly well. That is a good thing and can be difficult. *Thumbsup*

PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: While I do think you are off to a real good start, the story has only just begun. First, I am not sure after reading it what they are doing in the temple, what they are trying to accomplish, and why it is so important to reach the altar.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: The hound is portrayed fairly well and you are appearing to tell the story from his point of view.

SPELLING: Nothing stood out. *Check5*

GRAMMAR: Nothing stood out but watch your vocabulary choices. Try to stick to words common to the spoken language.

STRUCTURE/MECHANICS: Again, while I do feel you are off to a good start, I feel like you have really only just begun. I would like to see more story. *BalloonB*
SUGGESTIONS: Build out what you have. Show us how her toes got injured in the first place. Show us what they are doing and why it is important. Give us some interaction between the characters and bring us to a dynamic conclusion.
*Note2*

CLOSING COMMENTS: You do have skills, a good imagination, and the ability to communicate what you are seeing in your mind! These are really good tools to have! *Star*

If you would like me to review/rate your story again after an edit, please send me a message. I'd be happy to do so.

Write on! And WELCOME TO WDC!

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's super!

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Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
STATIC
To Be A Fairy Tale Princess  (E)
I am writing about which Fairy Tale Princess I am.
#1573515 by Princess Megan Rose GOT Fox



Hi Princess Megan Rose GOT Fox . Here is my review *Laugh* on {bitem:}. Please keep in mind that the comments
and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions.

FIRST IMPRESSION: I found this to be both interesting and informative.
*Gift1*


WHAT I LIKED MOST: I truly enjoyed your comparisons of your life to that of being and becoming a princess.
*Thumbsup*

SPELLING: I didn't identify any spelling problems.
*Check5*

GRAMMAR: I didn't identify any grammar problems.

STRUCTURE/MECHANICS: Since this is really an article or an essay several story components do not apply but I did find that your information was presented in a logical fashion that was entertaining as well as informative.
*BalloonB*

CLOSING COMMENTS: Thank you for sharing this! I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!
*Star*

Write On!

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to
consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to
provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's super!

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Review of The Last Dragon  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What a wonderful story Kaya! There is great characterization and a resonant voice thorughout the story. Dragons are surely the stuff of legends and yours are portrayed with originality and in such a way so that we relate to our more modern legends. I loved the tie-in. Super great job! Very well done!
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Review of I want a dad  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I have been thinking about this all day. I find your piece to be well written and thought out with much emotion behind it. As a father I read this and just want to give you a big hug. My girls turned out all right. I probably wasn't the best dad but definitely not the worst. You have described the perfect father and a goal we should all shoot for. Problem is we are human. We make mistakes and sometimes they are whoppers. Not all fathers are dads either. My wife's dad and her father were two different people. My father has passed on almost 10 years ago and i do miss him every day but he was a kind of absent father even though he was there. And at times he really hurt me. Never taught me to work with tools. Never took me fishing. Stuff like that.

Your piece is presented in a well organized logical fashion. It is appealing but it does bring emotion to the reader. No grammar or spelling problems recognized. It is very nice work. Great job! Welcome to WDC! Write on!
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Review of Lest We Forget  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
You certainly know how to set a scene! Your words on the canvas of the page have painted a beautiful portrait for us here! Your poem sets a brief story and moves along at a nice pace with a rhythmic cadence. You have engaged the senses well and given great visuals. Very nicely done! Great Work! Write On!
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Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A most excellent idea for a forum! And what initiative! This is well conceived and presented in an appealing manner. I hope the newbies come in hoards! Any of us not-so-newbies will always pitch in how ever we can, of course. You are doing a great job with the writing mL too. Keep up the great work! Write on!
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