This was an extremely palatable history lesson in St Patrick!
I mean that in the nicest way possible :)
Your pacing was good. I am not normally a fan of rhyming poetry, but having the first and second lines rhyme in each stanza was a good idea, and tying each one together with a reference to St Paddy's Day a unique approach.
This is pretty amazing writing.
You've captured the descent into...well, madness, right? Or at least the beginnings of it.
I cannot help to wonder how many of the prisoners locked away for months or years followed the same route as a coping mechanism.
We can only hope that those who made it out were able to recover their sanity.
This gives me lots to think about, actually. We can (and do) trap ourselves in our own heads, but what happens when it's initiated at the hands of another? For punishment, surely, but what remains?
(Now I want to research those prisoners and their families!)
Oh this was a wonderful story!
I get an image of a kind-of tomboy ("kind-of" because of the whole Ken and Barbie thing) but what really struck me is how seamlessly you wove the doll characters into the real life ones.
What a rich, detailed imagination this one has.
The pacing was just right as well.
I also loved how Grandma was in on it (making finger sandwiches and also fashioning a matching cast).
Well done!
Excellent.
I liked the way you used the words odor/smell/scent, and how you attached them to tangible objects.
That gives richness and a palpable feeling to the emotions of grief.
This flows very well and I could really FEEL myself going down and digging into the roots of that very sorrow. Because it Lives in that place.
This was slightly weird, but then a prompt of this sort is bound to result in strange stories.
I like the idea of roach-eating squirrel exterminators. I think that's franchisable! (made up word lol).
The story hooked me in from the first.
All we need now is birth control for the squirrels...
I enjoyed this very much.
There is so much truth in thinking that 'the future' is something out there, something we will never achieve or, when we do, that it will look so totally different from our today. When, really, we bring ourselves forward into that next step that is the next now, now, now...
Beautiful.
Heart-breaking at first, to be sure.
That which drives us away, leads us ultimately home.
Each word and stanza are meaningful on their own. There is power in your words.
Wholly together, this takes on great meaning in understanding our TRUE selves.
We need no one but God.
Uncomfortable. Yet vital to your soul. To the soul of your little girl, striving to break free.
Is there release/relief in writing the memoir? Will it help you break free? Then do it. If it doesn't serve, then ask if it's truly necessary?
In the end, we only love ourselves.
You're right - you got this.
How clever!
I've never seen anything like this.
Each word is appropriately placed within (and fits the line!)
I'm pretty sure you encompassed everything that needs to be know when describing the candle.
Was this done as a challenge? Are there other shape/prompts out there? I'm intriugued. :)
This is very well thought and written.
You have good facts and resources and the content, while disturbing in some aspects, rings true to the state of the world.
The contrasts at the beginning were very telling, and I particularly find them helpful when trying to flesh out information.
Oh, I really liked this.
There is a feeling of loneliness, not only from the one writing, but to whom he/she is trying to write to.
My favorite line is 'your fingers are leaving
their imprint
on this lonely slip of paper
where mine once touched."
Ha! What a great little story.
I thought at first it was going to be some weird, twisted Kathy Bates story where Chucky was NEVER going to leave his Mommy. Never.
I enjoyed the entire story and thought it was well paced.
I am a little confused at Beth having to bring her own ring, though? Was that to make sure he doesn't back out?
Thank you.
Oh, I really liked this!
Very well written.
I don't think I have anything to critique, although I may have wished you had mentioned the wife's accident a little sooner (even though it was alluded to by the first spectral meeting). Towards the end, how much time from investigation to tie-in to the hit man to conviction? I'm a little cloudy on that and therefore the subsequent proposal seems a little sudden.
Overall this was excellent. It brought to mind a Stephen King story (and I do consider that a compliment---hope you do, too.)
Thank you.
Oh this is very good!
I loved the characters in the story, and the mystery is deep indeed.
A lot of years passed in these paragraphs.
I was a little lost as to what he was seeking, and what his granddaughter will now take over. Is this part of a novel?
I did a little research on 'visits became more infrequent' which was the only wording I have to comment on, wondering if 'visits became infrequent' would suffice?
Overall, a wonderful story.
This was excellent.
It clearly shows the passage of time, and the memories, good and not so good. But none forgotten.
There is a hint of romance, now gone. Which is perfect that it's a hint, as are each of the memories.
I read a poem about Flanders Field for my Toastmasters group one time--not a dry eye in the house.
Oh wow.
That was intense.
I hope there's more coming? I'd like to be in on Arthur's journey as he makes his way through the rest of his short remaining time.
I feel like I already know him, and want also to know those important to him.
Excellent beginning.
Thank you.
This poem reminds me of a dear friend.
Rusty key for a rusty lock.
The doubts, the fears, the 'never being quite good enough'.
So to lock yourself away is comfortable,
but not comforting.
Because we cannot hug ourselves.
Well-written and it flowed well and brought up quite a lot of feelings.
Can I say? That was just weird.
Lol.
I enjoyed (not even the right word) the first part of your story, the descriptions of the pins and needles and the "am I dreaming or is this real" feeling very familiar.
As a suggestion, I would add the word "wet" to amend it to "gush of wet heat".
Well written, so you deserve all the stars.
But still weird. :)
This brings to mind inner child work. Have you ever tried that?
From beginning to end, each question leads us to our truth.
Where did this begin? When did I stop living? What can I do now to change that?
What does my little girl need right now?
Wonderfully written and (obviously) thought-provoking.
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