Greetings! Just stoppin' by the farm to leave a review of "A Secret Worth Keeping"
Overall impression: Well thought out story with good descriptions and clearly defined characters. Breaking free from the confines of a strict, old-fashioned upbringing. A secret between a brother and a sister. Can't tell Poppa; he'll go crazy for sure.
My opinions and (probably opinionated) suggestions: The story flowed well. Tommy and Ruby's conversation in the barn was helpful in providing insight as to their relationship as siblings. It struck me that you probably had a time with all the dropped word ending and beginnings (as in for me would be hard to maintain) but obviously works to set the rural scene.
I was unclear on whether Liam is actually still alive and just disappeared so they could all leave? I know you mentioned it with "He and Ruby were gonna hook up with Liam and get out of this town for good. All they had to do was make it to the weekend." But since the discussion of Liam's death came after that, I couldn't tell for sure.
Also, what were the pills in Ruby's pocket for?
Finally: I enjoyed your story very much. I could feel the pressure that the man of the house put on his wife and children, and the children's need to be free.
Hello! IE here with a friendly review of your item "Stuck"
Overall impression: Free Verse is also my go-to, so I was immediately struck by the pacing. I like that you started out your poem with the same word as the title and the theme runs through the entire piece.
Message: Indecision can cause analysis paralysis, to the point of being rooted in place. It's not a good feeling. Reading your poem brought back the familiar queasiness of that deep-rooted indecision.
My opinion(ated) suggestions: No grammar or spelling errors noted. The lack of capitalization at the start of each line is appropriate (I do the same when I feel the poem warrants it.)
Finally: I really like this poem. It made me feel some kind of way that is familiar and not something I like feeling. Having evoked this in me, it's now time to review some choices I have lately not been making.
I like the poem. The message is simple, yet effectively said.
Suggest that 'sadden' should be 'saddened' and I'm not 100% sure that the bold all caps adds to the bluntness or whether it just looks squished together.
Is it deliberate to not separate the stanzas?
In the end there is hope. There is always hope. We shall not only survive, we shall Thrive!
This is cute. I liked all the things you came up with to fit with the theme.
A couple of things I noticed:
First, your "V" (for Visitors) is followed by a small v. Removing the small "v" will keep the theme consistent.
Secondly, I would suggest adding "the" to "Awake till midnight hour" so that it reads "Awake till the midnight hour."
And lastly, I would make "Nature's" possessive
Nothing like a little blackmail to brighten your day!
The surprise twist made me smile.
One thing I did want to point out, in the second paragraph, I suggest you change "He'd quit" to something like "He wanted to quit" or maybe "It made him want to quit?" I had to read the sentence a couple of times to catch your meaning.
I think you should change your tag line. This is not bad poetry.
I love the honesty and self-reflection. Plus, she is bolstered by your revelation of her self-doubt. Pointing that out, in and of itself, is "proof" of love.
And you are right. Love should be easy. And flowing. And giving.
Amazing how seven simple lines can carry such meaning.
There is a longing here. And a knowing. The question is, which takes control? I would imagine it would be both, from time to time.
And there is a hope, somehow, that the unknowing knowing will carry you forward, because deep inside, you DO know that it will all be worth it in the end.
Maybe it takes a kindred soul to resonate with your poem. Mine did.
It gave me kind of a sinking feeling in my stomach
to know that Troubles were being released
Just bandied about without consideration as to who they might attach to.
Very well written
You know how to turn a phrase.
I'll move on now. But still, the sinking feeling goes with me.
I really enjoyed this moral tale.
I do believe I've read something similar but in the end it matters not. It only matters that you sowed the words into neat rows and made the hair on my arms stand on end when my mind cottoned to the reason behind the story.
Kindness does not go unnoticed.
Treat others as you wish to be treated.
Believe in the goodness of human (boy) kind and they will one day pass along your history in their actions to not only their fellow humans but to the children that are lucky enough to call them 'Dad'.
There is value in hard work, of course, but not the never-ending kind.
You did what you did to obtain your goals. Made a life.
I would be interested to know what your sister's attitude was. I can assume, but maybe tie it into the earlier mention of her? She may have had that attitude, but how did that turn in to the hard work of house painting?
It was well-written. I really felt for Aaron and Sarah. The details about what he could and could not do (i.e. no blood flow) were thought out and introduced in a manner that was a little tongue-in-cheek. I always appreciate a little humor in a story.
"L" is an interesting character. I didn't quite 'like' him, but there's not a lot of time in a short story to develop many redeeming qualities in a task-master such as he.
And, the ending left me thinking. Would Sarah take this as a 'sign' that God exists to have her husband call her from the dead? Or would she put it down to a hallucination and seek therapy? Only Sarah will know.
Ugh. I've had dreams like this.
Well, not Exactly like this, of course. I have no idea what it will be like in 2516.
But...I have had dreams of the same ilk. Of knowing that if I wake up, I will just be right where I am. And knowing that I know that I know, it just makes it worse.
I enjoyed your short story. It was thought-provoking.
This was great. I loved the lead-in and it was a really creepy feeling that ran up my spine when the painting mirrored the patrons/scene and the patrons mirrored the painting.
Did you mean "mesmerized" instead of "memorized" in "The bum in the painting was turned toward two men memorized by the jukebox?"
For half a moment I was afraid that Kenny and Scott were turned into whatever the rest of them were, but thankfully that proved not to be true.
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