This was well-written and the conversation flowed well.
I enjoyed the contentiousness between the two of them, although surely it's not going to take a week to do a few chores...well, scratch that. If you grouse about it for three days then I suppose that could happen.
I bet next year Wade will help Wendy pick out the knicknacks!
This was an interesting story.
It reminded me of my own babysitting adventures, although I am happy to report my bangs were never flash-fired. :)
I am curious why some of your words in all caps? It seems distracting to me, but wanted to ask you what they were for?
I liked this a lot!
There aren't many words, but they are not needed.
What is evoked in feeling by your few words fills the range of emotion.
What it's like to be trapped, voiceless, until the words spring forth and then....watch out world!
Well written.
Excellent!
I don't have any tips, per se, although the last line could be generalized as 'she' which would automatically broaden the story in (this) reader's mind to mother, grandmother, daughter, wife...any female who is waiting for the safe return of her loved one.
This is very good advice. I know detailed outlines work well, since you've mapped everything out ahead of time, but evenso, there maybe 'doldrums' to get through. After all, every chapter cannot contain a catastrophe!
Thanks much for writing this; I will keep it for future reference.
LOL.
Enjoy? Hmmm
I enjoyed what you wrote, if not the subject.
HOWEVER, it is good to look at different things in different ways.
And you DO most certainly have a way with words.
As far as constructive criticism goes, I got nothing....maybe a barf bag? :)
Okay.
Wow.
I know I should write something here, as encouragement. But frankly, you don't need it.
What a wild and wonderful story! I loved every word of it. The interplay between the two angels was perfect and funny. Humorous at times, deep at times, really-made-me-think at times.
Thank you!
Excellent premise.
What easier way to get on with life than to make it a game?
Games are fun, right? No one gets hurt, ever? No one loves, either, in this oh so perfect world.
Maybe the app needs a feature to opt in to find your partner, based on employment location and socio-economic status?
All in all an enjoyable read. I got sucked in right away (as you can tell!)
This is an interesting piece and perspective.
Probably the best description of the birth process I've ever read.
I don't really understand the reference to 2026--is that the end?
At first I wanted paragraph breaks, but upon re-reading it, it makes sense not to have them.
Well done.
Ha!
Good one.
I'm sure Tommy's parents are going to be up for a few nights trying to calm their terrified son.
I enjoyed everything about your short story. Amazing how 300 words can open up a whole can of worms...or maybe those are tentacles...wrapping?
This is very entertaining.
I am more of a fan of non-rhyming poetry, but I found the style just right for an ode to Christmas dinner.
Your use of exclamation points gave the whole thing a perkiness which I liked as well.
The dastardly git!
Interesting and well-written.
I enjoyed it from beginning to end. If anything 'constructive' need be said, I would change the second half of the last sentence.
Perhaps a thought from Robert himself? It could contain the same information?
Just an idea.
This could not have been easy - all the lines starting with "L"?
But you pulled it off - and handily, I might add.
I was instantly there, reminiscing with them. Of bygone days.
Those they left behind, and those who left them behind, long ago.
Love never dies.
I enjoyed reading this. The story you tell is about redemption.
I don't know if you were going for a gritty tone, and there is some repetition. I also feel that some of the paragraphs could use some tightening up, maybe a more cohesive timeline?
But the bones are there.
And Life is there.
My favorite out of the entire story: " He taught me to know I'm worth more than what I was allowing myself to have. He taught me to understand I don't need a man to be validated. To learn to love myself and enjoy my own company. Because if I don't love myself and know who I really am and know what I want and what I don't want and have self respect. Then I won't see it in myself to have it with someone else. If we don't love ourselves first. Nobody can love us. The right way. To feel the real thing. Real love."
Oh! I really enjoyed this.
I can't imagine that writing a Triquint would be easy, but each word you chose fits perfectly well.
I'm interested in your choice of titles - subservient being excessively submissive? But I guess we are truly at the whim of nature and of weather, so it does fit as well.
I enjoyed this. As a suggestion, you could carry the exclamation point to the first line of each stanza; the beginning lines of the last two would support it.
The theme could apply to many different walks of life; real and imagined. An actor comes to mind at first read, but there are many people and personality types who hide behind masks, of their own volition and for protection from themselves or others.
Very well written. I was captivated from the very beginning. I like the main character very much. Are there more chapters (or perhaps a completed novel?) I would be interested to see what happens to Jeff. I enjoyed the descriptions and conversations, not to mention his ethics.
Very interesting!
I loved the flow and cadence of this; it flowed easily with each re-reading.
There is one misspelling ('to' instead of 'too')in the third to last stanza.
Thought-provoking to be sure...just how often and casually do we bandy about words, written and spoken, and to what relief or anxiety to our hearer/reader?
I thought this interesting and well-written.
From the POV of 'watcher of football' rather than player, I guess my comment would be that I agree that playing sports is good for children, but the hype surrounding the (sometimes) gruesome injuries you see in football is a concern for those parents who don't want their children to be hurt. Also, I didn't see any mention of the connection of brain injuries that are becoming more prevalent now, as some of the affected players are getting older and exhibiting more symptoms. I did notice this was written in 2014, so it predates a lot of the new information coming out.
Thought provoking, for sure!
I enjoyed this.
Not normally a fan of rhyming poetry, but I feel you captured some of the sweetness of earlier times and then the angst of wanting to fit in.
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